Latest / Adult Child of Dysfunction / E 231 : Breaking Generational Patterns: Healing and Boundaries, Guest: Alyssa Scarano

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E 231 : Breaking Generational Patterns: Healing and Boundaries, Guest: Alyssa Scarano · Adult Child of Dysfunction

• 0:47
  Well,
• 0:47
  good
• 0:47
  morning
• 0:48
  everybody
• 0:48
  and
• 0:48
  welcome
• 0:48
  back
• 0:49
  to
• 0:49
  another
• 0:49
  episode
• 0:49
  of
• 0:50
  Adult
• 0:50
  Child
• 0:50
  of
• 0:51
  Dysfunction.
• 0:51
  Today
• 0:52
  we
• 0:52
  have
• 0:52
  with
• 0:52
  us
• 0:52
  a
• 0:53
  very
• 0:53
  special
• 0:53
  guest
• 0:54
  and
• 0:54
  someone
• 0:54
  that
• 0:55
  after
• 0:55
  reading
• 0:56
  all
• 0:56
  of
• 0:56
  her
• 0:56
  stuff
• 0:56
  and
• 0:56
  looking
• 0:57
  at
• 0:57
  her
• 0:57
  because
• 0:57
  I
• 0:57
  kind
• 0:57
  of
• 0:57
  creep
• 0:58
  on
• 0:58
  some
• 0:58
  of
• 0:58
  my
• 0:58
  guests
• 0:59
  sometimes,
• 0:59
  I'll
• 0:59
  be
• 0:59
  honest,
• 1:00
  it
• 1:01
  just
• 1:01
  seems
• 1:01
  like
• 1:01
  we
• 1:01
  have
• 1:02
  so
• 1:02
  much
• 1:02
  in
• 1:02
  common.
• 1:02
  So
• 1:03
  I'm
• 1:03
  so
• 1:03
  looking
• 1:04
  forward
• 1:04
  to
• 1:04
  this
• 1:04
  conversation.
• 1:05
  Her
• 1:05
  name
• 1:05
  is
• 1:05
  Alyssa
• 1:06
  Scarano.
• 1:07
  She
• 1:07
  is
• 1:07
  an
• 1:07
  lpcncc,
• 1:09
  is
• 1:10
  the
• 1:10
  founder
• 1:10
  and
• 1:10
  clinical
• 1:11
  director
• 1:11
  of,
• 1:12
  of
• 1:12
  the
• 1:12
  Collective
• 1:12
  Therapy
• 1:13
  and
• 1:13
  Wellness.
• 1:14
  She
• 1:14
  is
• 1:14
  known
• 1:14
  for
• 1:15
  her
• 1:15
  empathetic
• 1:16
  and
• 1:16
  compassionate
• 1:17
  approach.
• 1:18
  Her
• 1:18
  view,
• 1:18
  she
• 1:19
  views
• 1:19
  her
• 1:19
  work
• 1:19
  as
• 1:19
  a
• 1:20
  profound
• 1:20
  privilege,
• 1:21
  an
• 1:21
  opportunity
• 1:22
  to
• 1:22
  be
• 1:22
  invited
• 1:23
  into
• 1:23
  the
• 1:23
  most
• 1:23
  intimate
• 1:24
  and
• 1:24
  vulnerable
• 1:24
  parts
• 1:25
  of
• 1:25
  her
• 1:25
  clients
• 1:26
  lives.
• 1:26
  She
• 1:27
  specializes
• 1:27
  in
• 1:28
  relationships.
• 1:28
  She
• 1:29
  is
• 1:29
  dedicated
• 1:29
  to
• 1:29
  helping
• 1:30
  individuals
• 1:30
  heal
• 1:30
  from
• 1:31
  childhood
• 1:31
  trauma,
• 1:32
  break
• 1:32
  generational
• 1:33
  patterns
• 1:34
  and
• 1:34
  cultivate
• 1:34
  meaningful,
• 1:35
  authentic
• 1:36
  connections
• 1:36
  with
• 1:37
  others
• 1:37
  by
• 1:37
  first
• 1:38
  supporting
• 1:38
  them
• 1:38
  in
• 1:39
  fostering
• 1:39
  self
• 1:40
  compassion.
• 1:41
  Doesn't
• 1:41
  that
• 1:41
  sound
• 1:41
  great?
• 1:44
  So
• 1:44
  welcome
• 1:45
  Alyssa.
• 1:46
  Thank
• 1:46
  you
• 1:46
  so
• 1:47
  much,
• 1:47
  Tammy
• 1:47
  for
• 1:47
  having
• 1:48
  me.
• 1:48
  I'm
• 1:48
  really
• 1:48
  excited
• 1:48
  to
• 1:49
  be
• 1:49
  here
• 1:49
  today.
• 1:50
  Yeah,
• 1:50
  the
• 1:50
  more
• 1:50
  I
• 1:51
  read
• 1:51
  over
• 1:51
  your
• 1:51
  stuff,
• 1:51
  I
• 1:52
  was
• 1:52
  like,
• 1:52
  oh
• 1:52
  my
• 1:52
  gosh,
• 1:52
  that's
• 1:52
  a
• 1:52
  great
• 1:53
  question.
• 1:53
  I
• 1:53
  would
• 1:53
  ask
• 1:53
  that.
• 1:54
  Oh
• 1:54
  my
• 1:54
  gosh.
• 1:54
  As
• 1:54
  I
• 1:54
  was
• 1:54
  just
• 1:55
  talking
• 1:55
  about
• 1:55
  that
• 1:55
  today,
• 1:56
  you
• 1:56
  know,
• 1:56
  it
• 1:56
  just
• 1:57
  seemed
• 1:57
  like
• 1:57
  everything
• 1:57
  I
• 1:57
  read
• 1:58
  was
• 1:58
  more
• 1:58
  and
• 1:58
  more
• 1:58
  in
• 1:59
  touch
• 1:59
  with
• 1:59
  what
• 1:59
  and
• 1:59
  more
• 2:00
  and
• 2:00
  more
• 2:00
  in
• 2:00
  tune
• 2:00
  with
• 2:01
  what
• 2:01
  I
• 2:01
  do.
• 2:01
  And
• 2:01
  I
• 2:01
  absolutely
• 2:02
  love
• 2:02
  it,
• 2:03
  especially
• 2:03
  that
• 2:03
  you
• 2:04
  end
• 2:04
  it
• 2:04
  with
• 2:04
  the
• 2:04
  self
• 2:04
  compassion
• 2:05
  thing.
• 2:05
  Because
• 2:05
  I'm
• 2:06
  actually
• 2:06
  speaking
• 2:06
  on,
• 2:07
  I
• 2:07
  believe
• 2:07
  and
• 2:08
  I
• 2:08
  should
• 2:08
  actually
• 2:08
  write
• 2:08
  the
• 2:09
  talk,
• 2:09
  but
• 2:11
  I
• 2:11
  think
• 2:11
  it's
• 2:11
  next
• 2:11
  Wednesday
• 2:11
  for
• 2:12
  the
• 2:12
  national
• 2:12
  association
• 2:13
  of
• 2:13
  Children
• 2:13
  of
• 2:13
  Alcoholics
• 2:15
  and
• 2:15
  for,
• 2:16
  for
• 2:16
  them
• 2:17
  on
• 2:17
  self,
• 2:18
  the
• 2:18
  importance
• 2:18
  of
• 2:18
  self
• 2:19
  compassion.
• 2:20
  Because
• 2:21
  that's
• 2:21
  a
• 2:21
  big
• 2:21
  one.
• 2:22
  Yeah,
• 2:23
  that's
• 2:23
  a
• 2:24
  big
• 2:24
  one.
• 2:25
  So
• 2:26
  let's,
• 2:27
  I'm
• 2:27
  going
• 2:27
  to
• 2:27
  dive
• 2:28
  right
• 2:28
  in.
• 2:28
  I
• 2:28
  like
• 2:28
  to
• 2:29
  just
• 2:29
  jump
• 2:29
  right
• 2:29
  into
• 2:29
  the
• 2:29
  meat
• 2:30
  of
• 2:30
  it.
• 2:30
  We're
• 2:30
  going
• 2:30
  to
• 2:30
  get
• 2:31
  your
• 2:31
  history
• 2:31
  and
• 2:31
  we'll
• 2:32
  hear
• 2:32
  lots
• 2:32
  and
• 2:32
  lots
• 2:33
  about
• 2:33
  your
• 2:33
  stories
• 2:34
  and
• 2:34
  everything
• 2:34
  as
• 2:34
  we
• 2:35
  kind
• 2:35
  of
• 2:35
  talk.
• 2:36
  But
• 2:36
  I
• 2:36
  want
• 2:36
  to
• 2:36
  go
• 2:37
  back
• 2:37
  and
• 2:37
  just
• 2:37
  ask,
• 2:38
  you
• 2:38
  know,
• 2:38
  you
• 2:38
  mentioned
• 2:39
  generational
• 2:40
  trauma
• 2:40
  a
• 2:40
  couple
• 2:41
  different
• 2:41
  times
• 2:41
  in
• 2:42
  what
• 2:42
  I,
• 2:43
  in
• 2:43
  what
• 2:43
  I
• 2:43
  read.
• 2:44
  So
• 2:45
  was
• 2:45
  that
• 2:45
  something
• 2:45
  that
• 2:46
  you've
• 2:46
  experienced?
• 2:48
  Yeah,
• 2:48
  I
• 2:48
  mean
• 2:49
  to
• 2:49
  a
• 2:49
  degree.
• 2:49
  I
• 2:49
  think
• 2:50
  that
• 2:50
  we
• 2:50
  all
• 2:50
  have
• 2:51
  these
• 2:51
  little
• 2:51
  learnings
• 2:52
  and
• 2:52
  socialization
• 2:53
  or
• 2:53
  even
• 2:54
  just
• 2:54
  family
• 2:54
  dynamics
• 2:55
  that
• 2:56
  we
• 2:56
  carry
• 2:56
  on
• 2:57
  with,
• 2:57
  you
• 2:57
  know,
• 2:57
  through
• 2:58
  the
• 2:58
  subconscious
• 2:58
  without
• 2:59
  realizing
• 2:59
  it
• 2:59
  and
• 2:59
  then
• 3:00
  recreate
• 3:00
  those
• 3:00
  patterns,
• 3:02
  you
• 3:02
  know,
• 3:02
  and
• 3:02
  so
• 3:04
  obviously
• 3:04
  to
• 3:04
  varying
• 3:05
  degrees
• 3:06
  depending
• 3:06
  on
• 3:06
  the
• 3:06
  circumstances
• 3:07
  and
• 3:07
  the
• 3:07
  environment
• 3:08
  and
• 3:08
  the
• 3:08
  parent
• 3:09
  or
• 3:09
  caregiver
• 3:10
  support
• 3:10
  that's
• 3:10
  available
• 3:11
  at
• 3:11
  the
• 3:11
  time
• 3:11
  when
• 3:12
  we're
• 3:12
  kids,
• 3:12
  you
• 3:13
  know,
• 3:13
  I,
• 3:13
  I
• 3:13
  definitely
• 3:14
  have
• 3:14
  my,
• 3:14
  my
• 3:15
  own
• 3:15
  story
• 3:15
  and
• 3:16
  my
• 3:16
  own
• 3:16
  Experiences
• 3:17
  that
• 3:17
  have
• 3:17
  shaped
• 3:18
  who
• 3:18
  I
• 3:18
  am.
• 3:19
  And
• 3:19
  so.
• 3:20
  And
• 3:20
  I
• 3:20
  think
• 3:21
  a
• 3:21
  lot
• 3:21
  of
• 3:21
  us
• 3:21
  do.
• 3:21
  Right.
• 3:22
  So
• 3:22
  it's
• 3:22
  a
• 3:22
  matter
• 3:22
  of
• 3:23
  looking
• 3:23
  at
• 3:23
  that
• 3:24
  a
• 3:24
  little
• 3:24
  bit.
• 3:24
  And.
• 3:24
  And
• 3:25
  how
• 3:25
  do
• 3:25
  I,
• 3:25
  you
• 3:26
  know,
• 3:26
  gain
• 3:26
  a
• 3:26
  little
• 3:27
  bit
• 3:27
  more
• 3:27
  autonomy
• 3:27
  over,
• 3:28
  you
• 3:28
  know,
• 3:28
  my
• 3:29
  life
• 3:29
  rather
• 3:29
  than
• 3:29
  these
• 3:30
  stories
• 3:30
  or
• 3:30
  these
• 3:30
  patterns
• 3:31
  kind
• 3:31
  of
• 3:31
  dictating
• 3:32
  it
• 3:32
  for
• 3:32
  me.
• 3:33
  And.
• 3:33
  But
• 3:34
  yeah,
• 3:34
  yeah,
• 3:34
  I
• 3:34
  have
• 3:35
  had
• 3:35
  my
• 3:35
  own,
• 3:35
  you
• 3:36
  know,
• 3:36
  I.
• 3:36
  I
• 3:36
  grew
• 3:36
  up
• 3:36
  in
• 3:37
  a,
• 3:38
  you
• 3:38
  know,
• 3:38
  some.
• 3:38
  A
• 3:39
  family
• 3:39
  of
• 3:39
  dysfunction
• 3:40
  in
• 3:40
  the
• 3:40
  sense
• 3:40
  of.
• 3:41
  We
• 3:41
  didn't
• 3:42
  really
• 3:42
  talk
• 3:42
  about
• 3:42
  emotions,
• 3:43
  which
• 3:43
  is
• 3:43
  funny
• 3:43
  because
• 3:44
  now
• 3:44
  I
• 3:44
  do.
• 3:45
  They're
• 3:45
  at
• 3:45
  the
• 3:45
  heart
• 3:46
  of
• 3:46
  everything
• 3:47
  that
• 3:47
  I
• 3:47
  do,
• 3:48
  and
• 3:48
  there's
• 3:48
  so
• 3:48
  much
• 3:49
  power
• 3:49
  there.
• 3:50
  And
• 3:50
  I
• 3:50
  was
• 3:51
  parentified.
• 3:52
  I
• 3:52
  really
• 3:52
  had
• 3:52
  a
• 3:53
  lot
• 3:53
  of
• 3:53
  hyper
• 3:54
  independence
• 3:54
  growing
• 3:55
  up.
• 3:56
  There
• 3:56
  really
• 3:56
  wasn't
• 3:57
  anybody
• 3:57
  there
• 3:58
  to
• 3:58
  teach
• 3:59
  me
• 3:59
  or
• 3:59
  support
• 3:59
  me
• 4:00
  in
• 4:00
  those
• 4:00
  ways.
• 4:01
  When
• 4:01
  it
• 4:01
  came
• 4:01
  to
• 4:02
  big
• 4:02
  emotions,
• 4:02
  when
• 4:03
  it
• 4:03
  came
• 4:03
  to
• 4:03
  a
• 4:04
  lot
• 4:04
  of
• 4:04
  the
• 4:04
  struggles
• 4:04
  of
• 4:05
  what
• 4:05
  it's
• 4:05
  like
• 4:05
  to
• 4:05
  be
• 4:05
  a
• 4:06
  child
• 4:06
  and
• 4:06
  then
• 4:06
  a
• 4:06
  preteen
• 4:07
  and
• 4:07
  a
• 4:07
  teen.
• 4:08
  And.
• 4:10
  Yeah,
• 4:10
  as
• 4:10
  I've
• 4:10
  grown
• 4:11
  up,
• 4:11
  I
• 4:11
  can
• 4:11
  see
• 4:11
  that
• 4:12
  emerge
• 4:12
  in
• 4:12
  different
• 4:12
  times.
• 4:13
  And
• 4:14
  so
• 4:14
  my
• 4:14
  goal
• 4:15
  is
• 4:15
  to
• 4:15
  really
• 4:16
  help
• 4:16
  people,
• 4:17
  you
• 4:18
  know,
• 4:18
  feel
• 4:18
  empowered
• 4:19
  over
• 4:19
  those
• 4:19
  patterns
• 4:20
  and
• 4:20
  make
• 4:20
  changes
• 4:20
  in
• 4:21
  their
• 4:21
  lives.
• 4:21
  That's.
• 4:22
  And
• 4:22
  also.
• 4:23
  Absolutely.
• 4:23
  And
• 4:23
  also
• 4:24
  just
• 4:24
  know
• 4:24
  that
• 4:24
  the
• 4:25
  pattern's
• 4:25
  there
• 4:25
  because
• 4:26
  we.
• 4:26
  If
• 4:27
  you
• 4:27
  grew
• 4:27
  up
• 4:27
  in
• 4:27
  that
• 4:27
  kind
• 4:28
  of
• 4:28
  dysfunction,
• 4:29
  it's
• 4:29
  your
• 4:30
  normal.
• 4:30
  You
• 4:31
  don't
• 4:31
  know,
• 4:31
  and
• 4:31
  you
• 4:32
  don't
• 4:32
  know
• 4:32
  what
• 4:32
  you
• 4:32
  don't
• 4:33
  know.
• 4:33
  So
• 4:33
  I
• 4:33
  tell
• 4:33
  people,
• 4:34
  we
• 4:34
  were
• 4:34
  always
• 4:34
  on
• 4:34
  a
• 4:35
  show
• 4:35
  the
• 4:35
  other
• 4:35
  day,
• 4:36
  and
• 4:36
  the.
• 4:36
  The
• 4:36
  gentleman
• 4:37
  that
• 4:37
  was
• 4:37
  on
• 4:37
  it
• 4:37
  was
• 4:38
  a
• 4:38
  psychiatrist,
• 4:38
  and
• 4:39
  he
• 4:39
  was
• 4:39
  talking
• 4:39
  and
• 4:40
  he
• 4:40
  was
• 4:40
  like,
• 4:40
  well,
• 4:40
  I
• 4:41
  choose
• 4:42
  to
• 4:42
  be
• 4:42
  happy
• 4:42
  every
• 4:42
  day.
• 4:43
  And
• 4:43
  I.
• 4:43
  Everybody
• 4:44
  has
• 4:44
  that
• 4:44
  choice.
• 4:45
  And
• 4:46
  I
• 4:46
  choose
• 4:47
  to
• 4:47
  look
• 4:47
  at
• 4:47
  the
• 4:48
  bright
• 4:48
  side.
• 4:48
  And
• 4:48
  I
• 4:48
  choose
• 4:49
  no
• 4:49
  matter
• 4:49
  what
• 4:49
  it
• 4:50
  is
• 4:50
  and
• 4:50
  everything
• 4:50
  else.
• 4:51
  But
• 4:51
  I'm
• 4:51
  like.
• 4:51
  But
• 4:52
  for
• 4:52
  people
• 4:52
  that
• 4:53
  grew
• 4:53
  up
• 4:53
  in
• 4:53
  this
• 4:54
  lens
• 4:54
  of
• 4:55
  everything
• 4:56
  is
• 4:56
  bad,
• 4:56
  bad
• 4:57
  things
• 4:57
  are
• 4:57
  always
• 4:57
  going
• 4:58
  to
• 4:58
  happen.
• 4:59
  And
• 4:59
  if
• 4:59
  I
• 4:59
  do
• 4:59
  feel,
• 5:00
  even
• 5:00
  sometimes,
• 5:01
  and
• 5:01
  correct
• 5:02
  me
• 5:02
  if
• 5:02
  I'm
• 5:02
  wrong,
• 5:02
  but
• 5:03
  I
• 5:03
  felt
• 5:03
  like
• 5:03
  even
• 5:03
  if
• 5:04
  I
• 5:04
  experienced
• 5:04
  a
• 5:05
  moment
• 5:05
  of
• 5:05
  joy,
• 5:06
  it
• 5:06
  was
• 5:07
  quickly
• 5:07
  smashed.
• 5:08
  And
• 5:08
  sometimes
• 5:09
  it
• 5:09
  was
• 5:09
  even,
• 5:10
  what
• 5:10
  are
• 5:10
  you
• 5:10
  so
• 5:10
  happy
• 5:11
  about?
• 5:11
  There's
• 5:11
  nothing
• 5:11
  to
• 5:12
  be
• 5:12
  that
• 5:12
  happy
• 5:12
  about.
• 5:13
  And
• 5:14
  I
• 5:14
  remember
• 5:14
  when
• 5:15
  I
• 5:15
  think
• 5:15
  back
• 5:15
  about
• 5:15
  how
• 5:16
  many
• 5:16
  times
• 5:16
  my
• 5:16
  parents
• 5:17
  said
• 5:17
  to
• 5:17
  me,
• 5:17
  there's
• 5:17
  nothing
• 5:18
  that
• 5:18
  you
• 5:18
  should
• 5:18
  be
• 5:18
  happy
• 5:19
  about.
• 5:19
  Like
• 5:20
  what?
• 5:22
  Yeah,
• 5:23
  yeah.
• 5:23
  I
• 5:23
  mean,
• 5:23
  what
• 5:24
  the
• 5:24
  learning
• 5:24
  is
• 5:24
  there,
• 5:25
  right,
• 5:25
  is
• 5:25
  that
• 5:25
  I
• 5:26
  don't
• 5:26
  have
• 5:26
  permission
• 5:27
  to
• 5:27
  be
• 5:27
  happy.
• 5:27
  I
• 5:27
  can't
• 5:28
  be
• 5:28
  happy
• 5:28
  about
• 5:28
  this.
• 5:29
  Like
• 5:29
  something
• 5:29
  bad
• 5:29
  will
• 5:30
  happen,
• 5:30
  you
• 5:31
  know.
• 5:31
  So
• 5:31
  you.
• 5:32
  Yeah,
• 5:32
  absolutely.
• 5:34
  That
• 5:34
  becomes
• 5:34
  a
• 5:34
  whole
• 5:35
  worldview.
• 5:36
  Yeah,
• 5:36
  absolutely.
• 5:37
  And
• 5:38
  talk
• 5:38
  about
• 5:39
  how
• 5:39
  with
• 5:39
  the
• 5:39
  especially.
• 5:40
  I
• 5:40
  mean,
• 5:40
  I
• 5:40
  know
• 5:41
  a
• 5:41
  lot
• 5:41
  of
• 5:41
  People
• 5:42
  that
• 5:42
  are
• 5:42
  listening
• 5:42
  to
• 5:42
  this
• 5:43
  podcast,
• 5:43
  I
• 5:43
  do
• 5:43
  know
• 5:44
  I
• 5:44
  get
• 5:44
  a
• 5:44
  lot
• 5:44
  of
• 5:44
  feedback,
• 5:45
  and
• 5:45
  a
• 5:45
  lot
• 5:45
  of
• 5:45
  them
• 5:45
  are
• 5:45
  kind
• 5:46
  of
• 5:46
  in
• 5:46
  the
• 5:46
  beginning
• 5:46
  of
• 5:47
  this
• 5:47
  healing
• 5:47
  journey.
• 5:48
  So
• 5:48
  they're
• 5:48
  like,
• 5:49
  wow,
• 5:49
  that
• 5:49
  she
• 5:49
  said
• 5:50
  something
• 5:50
  that
• 5:50
  really
• 5:50
  resonated
• 5:51
  with
• 5:51
  me,
• 5:51
  and
• 5:51
  it
• 5:52
  felt
• 5:52
  like
• 5:52
  she
• 5:52
  was
• 5:52
  talking
• 5:52
  to
• 5:53
  my
• 5:53
  soul.
• 5:53
  I
• 5:53
  have
• 5:53
  people
• 5:54
  tell
• 5:54
  me
• 5:54
  that
• 5:54
  all
• 5:54
  the
• 5:54
  time.
• 5:55
  You
• 5:55
  were
• 5:55
  talking
• 5:55
  through
• 5:56
  my
• 5:56
  soul.
• 5:56
  And
• 5:56
  I'm
• 5:57
  like,
• 5:57
  oh,
• 5:57
  I'm
• 5:57
  sorry.
• 5:58
  But,
• 5:58
  I
• 5:58
  mean,
• 5:58
  I
• 5:58
  guess
• 5:59
  that's
• 5:59
  a
• 5:59
  good
• 5:59
  thing
• 5:59
  because
• 6:01
  I
• 6:01
  always
• 6:01
  say,
• 6:02
  also,
• 6:02
  I
• 6:02
  never
• 6:02
  want
• 6:03
  to
• 6:03
  leave
• 6:03
  anybody
• 6:03
  trauma
• 6:04
  or,
• 6:04
  you
• 6:04
  know,
• 6:04
  traumatized
• 6:05
  or
• 6:05
  triggered.
• 6:06
  But
• 6:07
  we're
• 6:07
  not
• 6:07
  always
• 6:08
  aware
• 6:08
  of
• 6:08
  these
• 6:09
  patterns
• 6:09
  because,
• 6:10
  like
• 6:10
  I
• 6:10
  said,
• 6:10
  because
• 6:11
  it's
• 6:11
  all
• 6:11
  we
• 6:11
  know.
• 6:12
  But
• 6:12
  talk
• 6:13
  about
• 6:13
  how
• 6:13
  with
• 6:13
  some
• 6:14
  of
• 6:14
  your
• 6:14
  people
• 6:14
  or
• 6:14
  even
• 6:15
  with
• 6:15
  yourself,
• 6:16
  it
• 6:16
  shows
• 6:17
  up
• 6:17
  what
• 6:17
  it
• 6:17
  looks
• 6:18
  like
• 6:18
  that
• 6:19
  you
• 6:19
  might
• 6:19
  have
• 6:19
  be
• 6:20
  going
• 6:20
  through
• 6:20
  some
• 6:20
  generational
• 6:21
  trauma.
• 6:22
  Right.
• 6:22
  Like,
• 6:23
  how
• 6:23
  can
• 6:23
  I
• 6:23
  recognize
• 6:24
  that
• 6:24
  this
• 6:24
  is
• 6:24
  something
• 6:25
  affected
• 6:25
  me?
• 6:26
  Yeah.
• 6:27
  And
• 6:27
  I
• 6:27
  will
• 6:27
  be
• 6:27
  honest
• 6:27
  with
• 6:28
  you,
• 6:28
  is
• 6:28
  that
• 6:28
  I
• 6:28
  don't
• 6:28
  think
• 6:29
  a
• 6:29
  lot
• 6:29
  of
• 6:29
  us
• 6:30
  really
• 6:30
  know
• 6:31
  like,
• 6:31
  that
• 6:31
  there's.
• 6:32
  Okay,
• 6:32
  there
• 6:32
  are
• 6:32
  some
• 6:33
  learnings
• 6:33
  here
• 6:33
  from
• 6:33
  childhood.
• 6:34
  There
• 6:34
  are
• 6:34
  some
• 6:34
  patterns
• 6:35
  that
• 6:35
  I
• 6:36
  am
• 6:36
  carrying
• 6:36
  on
• 6:37
  from
• 6:37
  when
• 6:37
  I
• 6:37
  was
• 6:38
  a
• 6:38
  kid
• 6:38
  and
• 6:38
  then,
• 6:38
  you
• 6:39
  know,
• 6:39
  passed
• 6:39
  on
• 6:39
  from
• 6:40
  my
• 6:40
  parents
• 6:40
  as
• 6:41
  well.
• 6:41
  And
• 6:42
  in.
• 6:43
  In
• 6:43
  terms
• 6:43
  of
• 6:44
  how
• 6:44
  to
• 6:44
  recognize
• 6:45
  it,
• 6:45
  it
• 6:45
  is
• 6:45
  tricky
• 6:46
  because
• 6:46
  it
• 6:46
  can
• 6:46
  manifest
• 6:47
  as,
• 6:47
  like,
• 6:48
  I
• 6:48
  am
• 6:48
  so
• 6:49
  angry
• 6:49
  with
• 6:50
  my
• 6:50
  spouse.
• 6:51
  I,
• 6:51
  you
• 6:52
  know,
• 6:52
  I'm
• 6:52
  so
• 6:52
  resentful.
• 6:53
  And
• 6:54
  really,
• 6:54
  what
• 6:54
  that
• 6:54
  we
• 6:55
  boil
• 6:55
  it
• 6:55
  down
• 6:55
  and
• 6:55
  we
• 6:56
  look
• 6:56
  at
• 6:56
  it
• 6:57
  well,
• 6:57
  that
• 6:57
  resentment,
• 6:58
  like,
• 6:58
  is
• 6:59
  coming
• 6:59
  from
• 7:00
  within.
• 7:00
  In
• 7:00
  what
• 7:01
  way
• 7:01
  am
• 7:01
  I
• 7:02
  shape
• 7:03
  shifting,
• 7:04
  self
• 7:04
  abandoning,
• 7:05
  you
• 7:05
  know,
• 7:05
  not
• 7:05
  speaking
• 7:06
  my
• 7:06
  truth,
• 7:06
  not
• 7:06
  sticking
• 7:07
  up
• 7:07
  for
• 7:07
  myself?
• 7:09
  And.
• 7:09
  And
• 7:09
  where
• 7:10
  did
• 7:10
  I
• 7:10
  learn
• 7:10
  to
• 7:10
  do
• 7:11
  that?
• 7:11
  Why
• 7:11
  has
• 7:11
  it
• 7:11
  become
• 7:12
  such
• 7:12
  a
• 7:12
  necessity?
• 7:13
  And
• 7:13
  that
• 7:13
  anger
• 7:13
  is
• 7:14
  now
• 7:14
  being
• 7:14
  put
• 7:14
  on
• 7:15
  to
• 7:15
  my
• 7:15
  partner.
• 7:16
  Right.
• 7:16
  And
• 7:16
  does
• 7:17
  it
• 7:17
  really
• 7:17
  belong
• 7:17
  there?
• 7:18
  Maybe
• 7:18
  some
• 7:18
  of
• 7:18
  it,
• 7:20
  yeah.
• 7:21
  But,
• 7:22
  you
• 7:22
  know,
• 7:22
  is
• 7:23
  that
• 7:23
  resentment
• 7:24
  really
• 7:24
  about,
• 7:24
  like.
• 7:25
  Yeah,
• 7:26
  a
• 7:26
  caregiver
• 7:26
  or
• 7:27
  somebody
• 7:27
  who
• 7:27
  was
• 7:28
  important
• 7:28
  to
• 7:28
  me
• 7:28
  that
• 7:29
  didn't
• 7:29
  allow
• 7:29
  me
• 7:30
  to
• 7:30
  use
• 7:30
  my
• 7:30
  voice?
• 7:31
  You
• 7:31
  know,
• 7:31
  there
• 7:31
  wasn't
• 7:31
  space
• 7:32
  for
• 7:32
  me
• 7:32
  to
• 7:32
  use
• 7:32
  my
• 7:33
  voice,
• 7:33
  and
• 7:34
  that's
• 7:34
  really
• 7:34
  what's
• 7:35
  sticking.
• 7:35
  So
• 7:36
  it
• 7:36
  is
• 7:36
  hard
• 7:37
  to
• 7:37
  recognize
• 7:39
  unless
• 7:39
  we
• 7:40
  just
• 7:40
  really
• 7:40
  have
• 7:41
  the
• 7:41
  knowing
• 7:41
  that
• 7:42
  a
• 7:42
  lot
• 7:42
  of
• 7:42
  our
• 7:43
  belief
• 7:43
  systems
• 7:44
  and
• 7:44
  early
• 7:44
  learnings
• 7:45
  do
• 7:45
  really
• 7:45
  come
• 7:46
  from
• 7:46
  early
• 7:46
  childhood.
• 7:47
  Childhood.
• 7:47
  That
• 7:47
  is
• 7:47
  the
• 7:48
  one
• 7:48
  thing
• 7:48
  that
• 7:48
  I
• 7:48
  will
• 7:48
  say
• 7:48
  is
• 7:49
  that
• 7:49
  if
• 7:49
  we
• 7:49
  look
• 7:49
  at,
• 7:49
  you
• 7:50
  know,
• 7:50
  the
• 7:50
  things
• 7:50
  that
• 7:51
  we're
• 7:51
  often
• 7:52
  thinking
• 7:52
  about
• 7:53
  or
• 7:53
  our
• 7:54
  reactions
• 7:55
  to
• 7:55
  things,
• 7:56
  then
• 7:56
  that's
• 7:57
  where
• 7:57
  we
• 7:57
  can
• 7:57
  begin
• 7:57
  to
• 7:58
  become
• 7:58
  a
• 7:58
  little
• 7:58
  bit
• 7:58
  curious,
• 7:59
  like,
• 7:59
  where
• 7:59
  is
• 8:00
  this
• 8:00
  coming
• 8:00
  from?
• 8:01
  Why
• 8:01
  does
• 8:01
  this
• 8:02
  continue
• 8:02
  to
• 8:02
  happen
• 8:03
  in
• 8:03
  these
• 8:03
  relationships?
• 8:04
  Why
• 8:05
  do
• 8:05
  I
• 8:05
  feel
• 8:05
  so
• 8:06
  isolated?
• 8:07
  You
• 8:07
  know,
• 8:07
  that's
• 8:07
  where
• 8:08
  we
• 8:08
  can
• 8:08
  then
• 8:08
  explore,
• 8:08
  okay,
• 8:09
  where
• 8:09
  did
• 8:10
  you
• 8:10
  know,
• 8:10
  I
• 8:10
  maybe
• 8:11
  abandon
• 8:11
  myself?
• 8:13
  And
• 8:14
  what
• 8:14
  maybe
• 8:14
  led
• 8:15
  to
• 8:15
  me
• 8:15
  learning
• 8:15
  that
• 8:16
  I
• 8:16
  needed
• 8:16
  to
• 8:16
  do
• 8:17
  that.
• 8:17
  You
• 8:17
  know,
• 8:18
  am
• 8:18
  I
• 8:18
  pleasing
• 8:18
  the
• 8:19
  people
• 8:19
  around
• 8:19
  me
• 8:20
  instead
• 8:20
  of
• 8:20
  really
• 8:21
  saying
• 8:21
  yes
• 8:21
  or
• 8:21
  saying
• 8:22
  no
• 8:22
  to
• 8:22
  the
• 8:22
  things
• 8:22
  that
• 8:23
  are
• 8:23
  important
• 8:23
  to
• 8:23
  me?
• 8:23
  Am
• 8:24
  I
• 8:24
  speaking
• 8:24
  up?
• 8:25
  And
• 8:26
  so
• 8:26
  if
• 8:26
  we
• 8:26
  consider
• 8:27
  like
• 8:27
  just
• 8:27
  the,
• 8:29
  at
• 8:29
  the
• 8:29
  core
• 8:29
  of
• 8:29
  it,
• 8:31
  the
• 8:31
  way
• 8:31
  that
• 8:33
  we
• 8:33
  speak
• 8:34
  to
• 8:34
  ourselves
• 8:34
  or
• 8:35
  our
• 8:35
  own
• 8:35
  self
• 8:35
  talk
• 8:36
  or
• 8:36
  the
• 8:36
  way
• 8:36
  that
• 8:36
  we
• 8:37
  view
• 8:37
  ourselves
• 8:37
  and
• 8:37
  the
• 8:38
  way
• 8:38
  we
• 8:38
  relate
• 8:38
  to
• 8:38
  ourselves
• 8:39
  often
• 8:40
  does
• 8:40
  come
• 8:41
  from
• 8:41
  early
• 8:41
  experiences
• 8:43
  in
• 8:43
  terms
• 8:43
  of
• 8:43
  how
• 8:44
  our
• 8:44
  caregivers
• 8:45
  spoke
• 8:45
  to
• 8:45
  us,
• 8:46
  how
• 8:46
  they
• 8:46
  spoke
• 8:47
  of
• 8:47
  themselves.
• 8:48
  Right.
• 8:48
  And
• 8:49
  how
• 8:49
  they
• 8:49
  spoke
• 8:49
  to
• 8:49
  each
• 8:50
  other.
• 8:50
  That
• 8:50
  becomes
• 8:51
  our
• 8:51
  understanding
• 8:52
  of
• 8:52
  what
• 8:52
  relationships
• 8:54
  are
• 8:54
  and
• 8:55
  should
• 8:55
  be,
• 8:56
  should
• 8:56
  be
• 8:57
  like,
• 8:57
  and
• 8:58
  who
• 8:58
  I
• 8:58
  need
• 8:58
  to
• 8:59
  be
• 8:59
  within
• 8:59
  those
• 8:59
  relationships
• 9:00
  in
• 9:00
  order
• 9:01
  to,
• 9:01
  you
• 9:02
  know,
• 9:02
  a
• 9:02
  feel
• 9:02
  safe
• 9:03
  but
• 9:03
  also
• 9:03
  feel
• 9:03
  a
• 9:04
  sense
• 9:04
  of
• 9:04
  connection.
• 9:06
  So
• 9:06
  that
• 9:06
  knowing,
• 9:07
  I
• 9:07
  think
• 9:08
  at
• 9:08
  the
• 9:08
  core
• 9:08
  can
• 9:09
  create
• 9:09
  curiosity
• 9:10
  around
• 9:10
  some
• 9:11
  of
• 9:11
  the
• 9:11
  behaviors
• 9:11
  or
• 9:12
  reactions
• 9:12
  that
• 9:12
  we
• 9:12
  have
• 9:12
  within
• 9:13
  relationships.
• 9:14
  Because
• 9:14
  that's
• 9:14
  really
• 9:14
  how
• 9:14
  it'll
• 9:15
  manifest
• 9:16
  through
• 9:16
  self
• 9:17
  esteem,
• 9:17
  self
• 9:18
  worth,
• 9:18
  and
• 9:19
  then
• 9:19
  how
• 9:19
  we
• 9:20
  feel
• 9:20
  and
• 9:20
  respond
• 9:21
  to
• 9:21
  our
• 9:21
  relationships.
• 9:23
  Exactly.
• 9:23
  So
• 9:24
  in
• 9:24
  there,
• 9:24
  I
• 9:24
  heard
• 9:24
  about
• 9:25
  14
• 9:25
  different
• 9:26
  examples
• 9:26
  of
• 9:26
  how
• 9:27
  you're
• 9:27
  showing
• 9:27
  up.
• 9:28
  So
• 9:28
  you're
• 9:28
  a
• 9:28
  people
• 9:29
  pleaser.
• 9:29
  So
• 9:29
  you're
• 9:30
  not
• 9:30
  saying,
• 9:30
  you
• 9:30
  know,
• 9:30
  it's
• 9:31
  like
• 9:31
  if
• 9:31
  you're
• 9:31
  sitting
• 9:31
  there,
• 9:31
  you're
• 9:32
  going,
• 9:32
  well,
• 9:32
  how
• 9:32
  do
• 9:32
  I
• 9:32
  know?
• 9:33
  And
• 9:33
  that's
• 9:34
  one
• 9:34
  of
• 9:34
  the
• 9:34
  things
• 9:34
  I
• 9:35
  always.
• 9:35
  That's
• 9:35
  one
• 9:35
  of
• 9:36
  my
• 9:36
  first
• 9:36
  questions
• 9:36
  to
• 9:36
  people.
• 9:37
  When
• 9:37
  you
• 9:37
  want
• 9:37
  to
• 9:38
  do
• 9:38
  something
• 9:38
  and
• 9:38
  somebody
• 9:39
  you're
• 9:39
  dealing
• 9:39
  with,
• 9:39
  and
• 9:40
  it
• 9:40
  doesn't
• 9:40
  matter
• 9:40
  whether
• 9:40
  it's
• 9:40
  a
• 9:41
  spouse,
• 9:41
  a
• 9:41
  child,
• 9:41
  a
• 9:42
  friend,
• 9:42
  a
• 9:42
  coworker,
• 9:43
  if
• 9:43
  somebody
• 9:43
  wants
• 9:44
  to
• 9:44
  do
• 9:44
  something
• 9:44
  else,
• 9:45
  how
• 9:45
  quickly
• 9:46
  are
• 9:46
  you
• 9:46
  to
• 9:46
  just
• 9:46
  give
• 9:46
  in?
• 9:47
  How
• 9:48
  quickly?
• 9:48
  That's
• 9:48
  the
• 9:49
  number
• 9:50
  one
• 9:50
  key
• 9:50
  to
• 9:50
  me.
• 9:51
  Because
• 9:51
  the
• 9:51
  people
• 9:52
  pleasing
• 9:52
  and
• 9:52
  that
• 9:53
  need
• 9:53
  for
• 9:54
  either
• 9:54
  love
• 9:54
  and
• 9:55
  not
• 9:55
  being
• 9:55
  abandoned
• 9:56
  or
• 9:56
  them
• 9:56
  not
• 9:56
  being
• 9:56
  angry
• 9:57
  with
• 9:57
  you
• 9:57
  or
• 9:58
  accepting
• 9:58
  you
• 9:58
  for
• 9:59
  whatever,
• 9:59
  that
• 10:00
  is
• 10:00
  one
• 10:00
  of
• 10:00
  the
• 10:00
  biggest.
• 10:01
  Because
• 10:01
  it's
• 10:02
  at
• 10:02
  the
• 10:02
  core
• 10:02
  of
• 10:03
  I'm
• 10:03
  not
• 10:03
  good
• 10:03
  enough
• 10:04
  or
• 10:04
  I'm
• 10:04
  not
• 10:05
  worthy.
• 10:05
  So
• 10:06
  if
• 10:06
  you
• 10:06
  just
• 10:06
  find
• 10:07
  yourself,
• 10:07
  if
• 10:07
  somebody,
• 10:08
  you
• 10:08
  know,
• 10:08
  if
• 10:08
  you
• 10:08
  don't
• 10:09
  like
• 10:09
  Chinese
• 10:09
  food
• 10:09
  and
• 10:09
  your
• 10:10
  best
• 10:10
  friend
• 10:10
  says,
• 10:10
  hey,
• 10:11
  let's
• 10:11
  go
• 10:11
  get
• 10:11
  Chinese
• 10:12
  food.
• 10:12
  And
• 10:12
  you're
• 10:12
  like,
• 10:13
  okay,
• 10:14
  right?
• 10:15
  Big
• 10:15
  smile,
• 10:15
  big
• 10:16
  happy
• 10:16
  smile.
• 10:16
  And
• 10:17
  the
• 10:17
  whole
• 10:17
  time
• 10:17
  you're
• 10:17
  thinking,
• 10:18
  why
• 10:18
  can't
• 10:18
  I
• 10:18
  just
• 10:19
  say,
• 10:19
  I
• 10:19
  don't
• 10:19
  even
• 10:19
  like
• 10:20
  Chinese
• 10:20
  food?
• 10:21
  There's
• 10:21
  reasons
• 10:21
  for
• 10:22
  that.
• 10:22
  Like,
• 10:22
  so
• 10:22
  the
• 10:23
  people
• 10:23
  pleasing,
• 10:23
  the
• 10:24
  perfectionism,
• 10:25
  the
• 10:25
  being
• 10:25
  attracted
• 10:26
  to
• 10:26
  the
• 10:26
  bad
• 10:26
  relationships
• 10:27
  in
• 10:27
  general.
• 10:29
  You
• 10:29
  know,
• 10:30
  sometimes
• 10:30
  if
• 10:30
  you're
• 10:30
  always
• 10:31
  picking,
• 10:31
  I,
• 10:31
  I
• 10:31
  don't
• 10:32
  know
• 10:32
  how
• 10:32
  many
• 10:32
  times
• 10:32
  my
• 10:33
  clients
• 10:33
  have
• 10:33
  said
• 10:33
  to
• 10:33
  me,
• 10:34
  it
• 10:34
  doesn't
• 10:35
  matter
• 10:35
  I
• 10:35
  see
• 10:35
  the
• 10:36
  red
• 10:36
  flags
• 10:36
  and
• 10:36
  I
• 10:36
  do
• 10:37
  it
• 10:37
  anyway,
• 10:39
  you
• 10:40
  know,
• 10:41
  but.
• 10:42
  And
• 10:42
  there's
• 10:42
  so
• 10:43
  many
• 10:43
  different
• 10:43
  ways
• 10:44
  it
• 10:44
  can
• 10:44
  show
• 10:44
  up,
• 10:45
  right.
• 10:45
  And
• 10:45
  some
• 10:45
  of
• 10:46
  them
• 10:46
  aren't
• 10:46
  even
• 10:46
  necessarily,
• 10:49
  you
• 10:49
  know,
• 10:49
  visibly
• 10:51
  unhealthy.
• 10:52
  Right.
• 10:52
  Like,
• 10:52
  we
• 10:52
  can
• 10:52
  see
• 10:53
  it
• 10:53
  in
• 10:53
  high
• 10:53
  achievers,
• 10:54
  in
• 10:55
  people
• 10:55
  who
• 10:57
  are
• 10:57
  very
• 10:58
  focused
• 10:58
  on
• 10:59
  maybe
• 10:59
  perfection
• 10:59
  or
• 11:00
  performance,
• 11:01
  right?
• 11:01
  Performance
• 11:02
  based
• 11:02
  approval,
• 11:03
  performance
• 11:03
  based
• 11:04
  connection.
• 11:05
  That's
• 11:06
  where,
• 11:06
  like,
• 11:06
  sure,
• 11:06
  you
• 11:06
  might
• 11:07
  be
• 11:07
  really
• 11:07
  successful
• 11:08
  with
• 11:08
  work,
• 11:09
  so
• 11:09
  it
• 11:09
  doesn't
• 11:09
  seem
• 11:10
  like
• 11:10
  it's
• 11:10
  a
• 11:10
  problem.
• 11:10
  Right.
• 11:11
  And
• 11:11
  that's
• 11:11
  the
• 11:11
  other
• 11:11
  thing,
• 11:11
  is
• 11:12
  that
• 11:12
  some
• 11:12
  of
• 11:12
  these
• 11:12
  patterns,
• 11:14
  they.
• 11:14
  They
• 11:14
  work
• 11:15
  for
• 11:15
  us
• 11:15
  until
• 11:16
  they
• 11:16
  don't.
• 11:17
  But
• 11:17
  these
• 11:18
  patterns,
• 11:18
  what
• 11:18
  keeps
• 11:18
  them
• 11:19
  sustained
• 11:19
  is
• 11:19
  even,
• 11:20
  even
• 11:20
  if
• 11:20
  it's
• 11:21
  unhealthy,
• 11:22
  we're
• 11:23
  getting
• 11:23
  something
• 11:23
  out
• 11:24
  of
• 11:24
  it.
• 11:24
  Whether
• 11:24
  it's
• 11:25
  allowing
• 11:25
  us
• 11:25
  to
• 11:25
  avoid
• 11:26
  a
• 11:26
  conflict
• 11:26
  out
• 11:27
  of
• 11:27
  love
• 11:27
  and
• 11:27
  desire
• 11:28
  to
• 11:28
  feel
• 11:28
  connected,
• 11:29
  or
• 11:29
  it's
• 11:30
  a
• 11:30
  sen.
• 11:31
  Like,
• 11:31
  I
• 11:31
  have
• 11:31
  a
• 11:31
  role
• 11:32
  now,
• 11:32
  right?
• 11:32
  By.
• 11:32
  By
• 11:33
  taking
• 11:33
  ownership
• 11:33
  of
• 11:34
  everybody's
• 11:34
  stuff
• 11:35
  and
• 11:35
  being
• 11:36
  the
• 11:36
  fixer.
• 11:37
  I'm
• 11:38
  important
• 11:38
  here,
• 11:39
  right?
• 11:39
  So
• 11:39
  there's
• 11:40
  so
• 11:40
  many
• 11:40
  different
• 11:40
  ways
• 11:41
  it
• 11:41
  can
• 11:41
  show
• 11:41
  up
• 11:41
  in.
• 11:42
  In
• 11:42
  terms
• 11:42
  of,
• 11:43
  yeah,
• 11:43
  I,
• 11:44
  I
• 11:44
  need
• 11:44
  to
• 11:44
  be
• 11:45
  the
• 11:45
  good
• 11:45
  girl
• 11:45
  or
• 11:46
  boy,
• 11:46
  right.
• 11:47
  I
• 11:47
  can't
• 11:47
  ever,
• 11:48
  you
• 11:48
  know,
• 11:48
  start
• 11:48
  any
• 11:49
  fights.
• 11:49
  I
• 11:49
  don't
• 11:50
  say
• 11:50
  that
• 11:50
  thing.
• 11:51
  It
• 11:51
  can
• 11:51
  show
• 11:52
  up
• 11:52
  as
• 11:52
  people
• 11:52
  pleasing.
• 11:53
  It
• 11:53
  can
• 11:53
  show
• 11:53
  up
• 11:54
  as
• 11:54
  taking
• 11:54
  ownership
• 11:55
  of
• 11:55
  people's
• 11:56
  reactions,
• 11:57
  like
• 11:57
  it
• 11:57
  was
• 11:57
  a
• 11:58
  reflection
• 11:58
  of
• 11:58
  me,
• 11:59
  or
• 11:59
  I
• 11:59
  could
• 11:59
  have
• 11:59
  done
• 12:00
  something
• 12:00
  to
• 12:00
  stop
• 12:00
  it
• 12:00
  or
• 12:01
  fix
• 12:02
  can
• 12:02
  show
• 12:02
  up
• 12:03
  as
• 12:03
  performance,
• 12:04
  you
• 12:04
  know,
• 12:04
  it
• 12:04
  can
• 12:04
  show
• 12:05
  up
• 12:05
  as
• 12:05
  perfection.
• 12:05
  It
• 12:06
  can
• 12:06
  show
• 12:06
  up
• 12:06
  as
• 12:06
  hyper
• 12:07
  independence.
• 12:08
  It
• 12:08
  could
• 12:08
  show
• 12:09
  up
• 12:09
  as
• 12:09
  hyper
• 12:09
  vigilance.
• 12:10
  Right?
• 12:10
  So
• 12:11
  that's
• 12:11
  why
• 12:11
  it's
• 12:12
  kind
• 12:12
  of
• 12:12
  hard
• 12:12
  to
• 12:12
  say,
• 12:12
  like,
• 12:13
  exactly,
• 12:13
  like,
• 12:14
  what
• 12:14
  are
• 12:14
  the
• 12:14
  signs?
• 12:15
  It's,
• 12:15
  it's
• 12:15
  more
• 12:16
  a
• 12:16
  matter
• 12:16
  of,
• 12:16
  like,
• 12:16
  let's
• 12:17
  get
• 12:17
  curious
• 12:17
  in
• 12:18
  terms
• 12:18
  of,
• 12:18
  like,
• 12:18
  where,
• 12:19
  where
• 12:19
  is
• 12:19
  that
• 12:19
  coming
• 12:20
  from?
• 12:20
  There's
• 12:20
  a
• 12:20
  root
• 12:20
  here,
• 12:21
  you
• 12:21
  know.
• 12:21
  Right.
• 12:22
  And.
• 12:22
  And
• 12:22
  I
• 12:23
  always
• 12:23
  say,
• 12:23
  if
• 12:23
  it's
• 12:23
  something
• 12:24
  that
• 12:24
  you're
• 12:24
  doing
• 12:24
  and
• 12:24
  you
• 12:25
  get
• 12:25
  that
• 12:25
  gut
• 12:25
  instinct,
• 12:26
  like,
• 12:26
  I
• 12:26
  don't
• 12:27
  want
• 12:27
  to
• 12:27
  be
• 12:27
  doing
• 12:28
  this
• 12:28
  doesn't
• 12:28
  make
• 12:28
  me
• 12:28
  happy,
• 12:29
  or
• 12:29
  this
• 12:29
  doesn't
• 12:29
  feel
• 12:30
  like
• 12:30
  me,
• 12:31
  then
• 12:31
  it's
• 12:32
  something
• 12:32
  that's
• 12:32
  curious,
• 12:33
  it's
• 12:34
  worth
• 12:34
  looking
• 12:34
  at
• 12:35
  because
• 12:35
  a
• 12:35
  lot
• 12:35
  of
• 12:35
  people
• 12:35
  say,
• 12:36
  you
• 12:36
  know,
• 12:36
  becoming
• 12:36
  the
• 12:37
  new
• 12:37
  you
• 12:37
  or
• 12:37
  becoming.
• 12:38
  You're
• 12:38
  not
• 12:38
  becoming
• 12:38
  the
• 12:39
  new
• 12:39
  you.
• 12:39
  You're
• 12:40
  going
• 12:40
  back
• 12:41
  and
• 12:41
  you're
• 12:41
  reconnecting
• 12:42
  with
• 12:42
  the
• 12:42
  you
• 12:42
  that
• 12:42
  you
• 12:43
  were
• 12:43
  born
• 12:43
  until
• 12:44
  someone
• 12:44
  changed
• 12:44
  the
• 12:45
  way
• 12:45
  you
• 12:45
  looked
• 12:45
  at
• 12:45
  the
• 12:45
  world.
• 12:46
  Like,
• 12:46
  you're
• 12:47
  not,
• 12:47
  you
• 12:47
  know,
• 12:47
  I
• 12:47
  mean,
• 12:48
  I,
• 12:48
  I
• 12:48
  don't.
• 12:49
  I
• 12:49
  feel
• 12:49
  like
• 12:49
  I
• 12:50
  was
• 12:50
  born
• 12:50
  this
• 12:50
  amazing,
• 12:51
  happy,
• 12:51
  beautiful,
• 12:52
  joyous
• 12:52
  creature.
• 12:52
  And
• 12:53
  then
• 12:53
  somewhere
• 12:53
  along
• 12:54
  the
• 12:54
  line,
• 12:55
  somebody
• 12:56
  told
• 12:56
  me
• 12:56
  I
• 12:56
  didn't
• 12:56
  deserve
• 12:57
  that,
• 12:57
  or
• 12:57
  I
• 12:57
  wasn't
• 12:58
  worthy
• 12:58
  to
• 12:58
  have
• 12:59
  that,
• 12:59
  or
• 13:00
  those
• 13:01
  things.
• 13:01
  Like,
• 13:02
  the
• 13:02
  me
• 13:02
  was
• 13:02
  not
• 13:04
  good
• 13:04
  enough
• 13:04
  to
• 13:05
  step
• 13:05
  out.
• 13:05
  And
• 13:06
  I'm
• 13:06
  like,
• 13:06
  you're.
• 13:06
  You
• 13:07
  were
• 13:07
  there
• 13:07
  the
• 13:07
  whole
• 13:07
  time.
• 13:08
  So
• 13:08
  what
• 13:09
  are
• 13:09
  your
• 13:09
  thoughts
• 13:09
  on,
• 13:10
  like,
• 13:10
  just
• 13:10
  the
• 13:10
  general
• 13:11
  expression,
• 13:11
  because
• 13:11
  I
• 13:12
  say
• 13:12
  this
• 13:12
  all
• 13:12
  the
• 13:12
  time,
• 13:12
  is.
• 13:14
  It's
• 13:14
  all
• 13:14
  inside
• 13:15
  of
• 13:15
  you.
• 13:15
  You
• 13:16
  have
• 13:16
  to
• 13:16
  look
• 13:16
  inside
• 13:17
  of
• 13:17
  you.
• 13:17
  What
• 13:18
  are
• 13:18
  your
• 13:18
  thoughts
• 13:18
  on
• 13:18
  that
• 13:19
  general
• 13:19
  expression?
• 13:19
  Because
• 13:20
  I
• 13:20
  use
• 13:20
  it
• 13:20
  all
• 13:20
  the
• 13:20
  time,
• 13:21
  and
• 13:21
  I
• 13:21
  know
• 13:21
  my
• 13:21
  people
• 13:22
  are
• 13:22
  sick
• 13:22
  of
• 13:22
  hearing
• 13:22
  it,
• 13:22
  but
• 13:23
  it's
• 13:23
  so
• 13:23
  true.
• 13:25
  It
• 13:25
  is.
• 13:25
  It
• 13:25
  is
• 13:26
  so
• 13:26
  true.
• 13:26
  I
• 13:27
  call
• 13:27
  it.
• 13:27
  It's
• 13:27
  so
• 13:28
  funny
• 13:28
  that
• 13:28
  you're
• 13:28
  saying
• 13:28
  this
• 13:28
  because
• 13:29
  I
• 13:29
  use
• 13:30
  the
• 13:30
  same
• 13:30
  expressions.
• 13:30
  Like,
• 13:31
  everything
• 13:31
  begins
• 13:32
  within
• 13:33
  every
• 13:34
  single
• 13:34
  thing,
• 13:34
  right?
• 13:35
  Like,
• 13:36
  and
• 13:36
  take.
• 13:36
  There's
• 13:37
  so
• 13:37
  many
• 13:37
  emotions
• 13:37
  that
• 13:38
  we're
• 13:38
  taught,
• 13:38
  like,
• 13:38
  in
• 13:39
  society.
• 13:39
  Like,
• 13:40
  oh,
• 13:40
  that's
• 13:41
  bad,
• 13:41
  right?
• 13:41
  Like,
• 13:42
  it's
• 13:42
  like
• 13:42
  jealousy,
• 13:43
  for
• 13:43
  example.
• 13:44
  And
• 13:44
  I
• 13:44
  swear
• 13:44
  I'm
• 13:45
  going
• 13:45
  somewhere
• 13:45
  with
• 13:45
  this.
• 13:46
  But,
• 13:46
  like,
• 13:46
  jealousy
• 13:47
  taught
• 13:47
  is
• 13:47
  like,
• 13:48
  oh,
• 13:48
  you
• 13:48
  know,
• 13:48
  it's
• 13:48
  bad
• 13:49
  to
• 13:49
  be
• 13:49
  jealous.
• 13:49
  Only.
• 13:50
  Only,
• 13:50
  you
• 13:51
  know,
• 13:51
  bad
• 13:51
  people
• 13:52
  are
• 13:52
  jealous.
• 13:52
  When
• 13:53
  in
• 13:53
  reality,
• 13:53
  like,
• 13:54
  jealousy
• 13:55
  is
• 13:55
  a
• 13:55
  valid
• 13:56
  emotional
• 13:57
  experience.
• 13:57
  It
• 13:58
  stands
• 13:58
  for,
• 13:59
  I'm
• 13:59
  seeing
• 13:59
  something
• 14:00
  outside
• 14:00
  of
• 14:01
  myself
• 14:02
  that
• 14:02
  I
• 14:02
  want,
• 14:03
  that
• 14:03
  I
• 14:03
  don't
• 14:03
  have,
• 14:05
  that
• 14:05
  I
• 14:05
  deserve
• 14:06
  and
• 14:06
  I
• 14:06
  should
• 14:07
  be
• 14:07
  able
• 14:07
  to
• 14:08
  achieve.
• 14:08
  And,
• 14:08
  like,
• 14:09
  yet
• 14:09
  this
• 14:09
  other
• 14:09
  person
• 14:09
  has
• 14:10
  it.
• 14:10
  Why
• 14:10
  don't
• 14:10
  I?
• 14:11
  Right.
• 14:11
  That's
• 14:12
  valid.
• 14:12
  It
• 14:12
  stands
• 14:13
  for
• 14:13
  not
• 14:13
  feeling
• 14:14
  completely
• 14:14
  fulfilled.
• 14:15
  Right.
• 14:16
  With
• 14:17
  that,
• 14:17
  we
• 14:17
  can
• 14:17
  look
• 14:17
  at
• 14:18
  it
• 14:18
  and
• 14:18
  say,
• 14:19
  okay,
• 14:19
  there's
• 14:20
  something
• 14:20
  here
• 14:20
  that
• 14:21
  I
• 14:21
  maybe
• 14:22
  am
• 14:22
  missing.
• 14:23
  Right?
• 14:23
  Even.
• 14:24
  What's
• 14:24
  the
• 14:24
  other
• 14:24
  one?
• 14:25
  The
• 14:25
  other
• 14:25
  one
• 14:25
  is
• 14:25
  judgment.
• 14:27
  Right?
• 14:27
  If
• 14:27
  we
• 14:27
  find
• 14:28
  ourselves
• 14:28
  judging
• 14:29
  somebody
• 14:29
  else
• 14:30
  or
• 14:31
  others,
• 14:32
  well,
• 14:32
  how
• 14:33
  much
• 14:33
  am
• 14:33
  I
• 14:33
  judging
• 14:33
  myself?
• 14:34
  Where's
• 14:35
  the
• 14:35
  measuring
• 14:35
  stick?
• 14:36
  Is
• 14:36
  it
• 14:36
  already
• 14:36
  inside
• 14:37
  of
• 14:37
  me?
• 14:37
  Right?
• 14:38
  So
• 14:38
  everything
• 14:39
  begins,
• 14:40
  I
• 14:40
  believe,
• 14:41
  with
• 14:41
  it.
• 14:41
  Right?
• 14:41
  If
• 14:42
  we're
• 14:42
  treating
• 14:42
  ourselves
• 14:42
  with
• 14:43
  compassion,
• 14:44
  with
• 14:46
  kindness,
• 14:46
  and
• 14:47
  we
• 14:47
  are
• 14:47
  honoring
• 14:48
  our
• 14:49
  individual
• 14:49
  needs
• 14:50
  and
• 14:50
  boundaries,
• 14:51
  then
• 14:51
  we're
• 14:51
  gonna
• 14:51
  have
• 14:52
  more
• 14:52
  patience
• 14:52
  for
• 14:52
  other
• 14:53
  people's,
• 14:53
  too.
• 14:54
  Like,
• 14:54
  we're
• 14:54
  gonna.
• 14:55
  We're
• 14:55
  gonna
• 14:56
  be
• 14:56
  able
• 14:56
  to
• 14:56
  extend
• 14:57
  compassion
• 14:57
  and
• 14:58
  understanding
• 14:58
  to
• 14:58
  others
• 14:59
  because,
• 14:59
  well,
• 14:59
  I've
• 15:00
  been
• 15:00
  there.
• 15:00
  I
• 15:00
  get
• 15:00
  it.
• 15:01
  I've
• 15:01
  been
• 15:01
  in
• 15:02
  your
• 15:02
  shoes.
• 15:02
  Like,
• 15:02
  maybe
• 15:03
  they've
• 15:03
  got
• 15:03
  a
• 15:03
  lot
• 15:03
  going
• 15:03
  on,
• 15:04
  and
• 15:04
  that's
• 15:04
  why
• 15:04
  they're,
• 15:05
  you
• 15:05
  know,
• 15:05
  absent
• 15:06
  right
• 15:06
  now.
• 15:06
  Maybe
• 15:07
  it's
• 15:07
  not
• 15:07
  me,
• 15:07
  you
• 15:08
  know?
• 15:09
  Right.
• 15:10
  So
• 15:10
  with
• 15:11
  that,
• 15:11
  though,
• 15:11
  because
• 15:12
  these
• 15:12
  people,
• 15:13
  like,
• 15:13
  people
• 15:13
  that
• 15:13
  grew
• 15:14
  up
• 15:14
  in
• 15:14
  that
• 15:14
  chaotic,
• 15:15
  traumatic.
• 15:15
  You
• 15:16
  know,
• 15:16
  I
• 15:16
  mean,
• 15:17
  I
• 15:17
  just
• 15:17
  meet
• 15:18
  so
• 15:18
  many
• 15:18
  people
• 15:18
  and
• 15:18
  their
• 15:19
  stories,
• 15:19
  like,
• 15:19
  it's
• 15:20
  heartbreaking.
• 15:20
  And
• 15:20
  they
• 15:21
  say,
• 15:21
  well,
• 15:21
  no
• 15:21
  one
• 15:21
  ever
• 15:22
  loved
• 15:22
  me.
• 15:22
  No
• 15:22
  one
• 15:22
  ever
• 15:23
  did
• 15:23
  this.
• 15:23
  No
• 15:24
  one.
• 15:24
  And
• 15:24
  I
• 15:24
  get
• 15:25
  it.
• 15:25
  I
• 15:25
  mean,
• 15:26
  I
• 15:26
  was
• 15:26
  told
• 15:26
  every
• 15:26
  day
• 15:26
  of
• 15:27
  my
• 15:27
  life,
• 15:27
  you
• 15:27
  know,
• 15:27
  I
• 15:28
  wish
• 15:28
  you
• 15:28
  had
• 15:28
  never
• 15:28
  been
• 15:28
  born.
• 15:29
  So
• 15:30
  what
• 15:30
  did
• 15:30
  I
• 15:30
  feel
• 15:31
  until
• 15:31
  I
• 15:31
  started
• 15:32
  actually
• 15:32
  working
• 15:32
  on
• 15:33
  myself
• 15:33
  and
• 15:33
  looking
• 15:34
  within
• 15:34
  and
• 15:34
  seeing
• 15:35
  someone
• 15:35
  that
• 15:35
  was
• 15:35
  worth
• 15:36
  liking?
• 15:37
  Felt
• 15:37
  like
• 15:37
  I
• 15:37
  shouldn't
• 15:37
  have
• 15:37
  been
• 15:38
  born.
• 15:38
  So
• 15:40
  what
• 15:40
  do
• 15:40
  you.
• 15:41
  It's
• 15:42
  kind
• 15:42
  of
• 15:42
  like
• 15:42
  a
• 15:42
  difficult
• 15:42
  concept
• 15:43
  because
• 15:43
  you're
• 15:43
  taking
• 15:44
  someone.
• 15:44
  And
• 15:45
  what
• 15:45
  are
• 15:45
  your
• 15:46
  tips
• 15:46
  that
• 15:46
  you
• 15:46
  would
• 15:46
  give
• 15:47
  people
• 15:47
  on
• 15:47
  how
• 15:47
  to
• 15:48
  start.
• 15:48
  If
• 15:48
  you
• 15:49
  know
• 15:50
  that
• 15:50
  you
• 15:50
  had
• 15:50
  this,
• 15:51
  I
• 15:51
  don't
• 15:51
  want
• 15:51
  to
• 15:51
  say
• 15:51
  crappy
• 15:52
  childhood,
• 15:53
  but
• 15:53
  really
• 15:53
  that's
• 15:53
  what
• 15:54
  it
• 15:54
  is
• 15:54
  sometimes.
• 15:56
  And
• 15:56
  you
• 15:56
  know
• 15:57
  that
• 15:57
  you
• 15:57
  have
• 15:57
  these
• 15:57
  issues
• 15:58
  and
• 15:58
  you
• 15:58
  know
• 15:58
  that
• 15:59
  you
• 15:59
  want
• 15:59
  to
• 15:59
  be
• 15:59
  happier
• 16:00
  and
• 16:00
  you
• 16:00
  want
• 16:00
  to
• 16:00
  feel
• 16:00
  that
• 16:01
  fulfillment
• 16:01
  and
• 16:01
  you
• 16:02
  want
• 16:02
  to
• 16:02
  do
• 16:02
  that.
• 16:02
  What
• 16:03
  would
• 16:03
  you
• 16:03
  say?
• 16:03
  Or
• 16:04
  what.
• 16:04
  Or
• 16:04
  maybe,
• 16:05
  I
• 16:05
  don't
• 16:05
  know,
• 16:05
  like,
• 16:05
  again,
• 16:06
  I
• 16:06
  don't
• 16:06
  know
• 16:06
  if
• 16:06
  you
• 16:06
  went
• 16:06
  through
• 16:07
  this
• 16:07
  process
• 16:07
  or
• 16:08
  not,
• 16:08
  but
• 16:09
  what
• 16:09
  would
• 16:09
  be
• 16:09
  some
• 16:09
  tips
• 16:10
  that
• 16:10
  you
• 16:10
  would
• 16:10
  say
• 16:10
  to
• 16:11
  people
• 16:11
  out
• 16:11
  there
• 16:12
  just
• 16:12
  starting
• 16:12
  out
• 16:13
  to
• 16:13
  start
• 16:13
  doing,
• 16:14
  to
• 16:14
  start
• 16:15
  feeling
• 16:16
  that
• 16:16
  worth?
• 16:17
  Yeah,
• 16:18
  well,
• 16:18
  I.
• 16:19
  There's
• 16:19
  so
• 16:19
  many
• 16:20
  things
• 16:20
  I
• 16:20
  can
• 16:20
  say.
• 16:20
  I
• 16:21
  know.
• 16:21
  Okay,
• 16:22
  pick.
• 16:22
  Pick
• 16:22
  one
• 16:22
  or
• 16:23
  two.
• 16:24
  The
• 16:24
  first
• 16:24
  thing
• 16:25
  is,
• 16:25
  is
• 16:25
  that
• 16:27
  our
• 16:27
  emotions
• 16:28
  are
• 16:28
  cues.
• 16:30
  They're
• 16:30
  signals,
• 16:31
  they're
• 16:31
  tools,
• 16:32
  right?
• 16:32
  They're.
• 16:32
  They
• 16:33
  are
• 16:33
  our
• 16:33
  inner
• 16:33
  compass.
• 16:34
  So
• 16:34
  if
• 16:34
  you're
• 16:35
  experiencing
• 16:35
  something,
• 16:37
  it's
• 16:37
  valid.
• 16:38
  Like,
• 16:38
  that's
• 16:39
  it.
• 16:39
  It
• 16:39
  doesn't
• 16:40
  have
• 16:40
  to
• 16:40
  even
• 16:40
  make
• 16:40
  sense.
• 16:41
  I
• 16:41
  don't
• 16:41
  even
• 16:41
  have
• 16:41
  to
• 16:42
  necessarily
• 16:42
  know
• 16:43
  why
• 16:43
  I'm
• 16:43
  feeling
• 16:43
  this.
• 16:44
  I
• 16:44
  can
• 16:44
  start
• 16:45
  with
• 16:45
  just
• 16:45
  like,
• 16:45
  okay,
• 16:46
  I'm
• 16:46
  feeling
• 16:46
  something.
• 16:47
  You
• 16:47
  know,
• 16:47
  there's
• 16:48
  something
• 16:48
  here,
• 16:49
  and
• 16:50
  it's.
• 16:50
  It's
• 16:50
  valid
• 16:51
  and
• 16:51
  there's
• 16:51
  a
• 16:51
  reason
• 16:51
  why
• 16:51
  I'm
• 16:52
  feeling
• 16:52
  it.
• 16:52
  What
• 16:52
  is
• 16:53
  it
• 16:53
  telling
• 16:53
  me
• 16:53
  about
• 16:53
  what
• 16:54
  I
• 16:54
  need?
• 16:55
  Right?
• 16:56
  I
• 16:56
  may
• 16:56
  be
• 16:56
  missing
• 16:57
  something
• 16:57
  or
• 16:57
  not
• 16:58
  getting
• 16:58
  something,
• 16:59
  and
• 16:59
  I
• 16:59
  need
• 16:59
  it.
• 17:00
  And
• 17:00
  then
• 17:00
  how
• 17:00
  can
• 17:01
  I
• 17:01
  give
• 17:01
  that
• 17:01
  to
• 17:02
  myself,
• 17:02
  right?
• 17:02
  So
• 17:03
  if
• 17:03
  I've
• 17:03
  experienced.
• 17:04
  If
• 17:04
  I'm
• 17:05
  feeling
• 17:05
  angry
• 17:05
  about
• 17:06
  something,
• 17:06
  anger
• 17:07
  is
• 17:07
  valid.
• 17:08
  We're
• 17:08
  taught,
• 17:08
  don't
• 17:08
  be
• 17:09
  angry,
• 17:09
  but
• 17:09
  anger
• 17:09
  is
• 17:09
  valid.
• 17:10
  It
• 17:10
  stands
• 17:11
  for
• 17:11
  unfairness
• 17:12
  and
• 17:12
  injustice
• 17:13
  that
• 17:13
  I've
• 17:13
  experienced.
• 17:14
  So
• 17:15
  I
• 17:15
  need
• 17:15
  some
• 17:15
  kindness,
• 17:16
  I
• 17:16
  need
• 17:16
  some
• 17:16
  fairness.
• 17:17
  How
• 17:17
  can
• 17:17
  I
• 17:17
  create
• 17:17
  that
• 17:18
  internally?
• 17:18
  Okay,
• 17:19
  well,
• 17:19
  I
• 17:19
  can
• 17:19
  be
• 17:19
  kinder
• 17:20
  to
• 17:20
  myself,
• 17:20
  even
• 17:20
  right
• 17:21
  here,
• 17:21
  right
• 17:21
  now,
• 17:21
  with
• 17:21
  a
• 17:22
  sense
• 17:22
  of,
• 17:22
  like,
• 17:22
  I
• 17:22
  don't
• 17:22
  know
• 17:23
  why
• 17:23
  I'm
• 17:23
  feeling
• 17:23
  this,
• 17:24
  but
• 17:24
  I'm
• 17:24
  going
• 17:24
  to
• 17:25
  comfort
• 17:25
  myself
• 17:25
  through
• 17:26
  it
• 17:26
  with
• 17:27
  no
• 17:27
  other
• 17:27
  story,
• 17:28
  no
• 17:28
  other
• 17:28
  judgment,
• 17:29
  no
• 17:29
  other.
• 17:29
  I'm
• 17:30
  always
• 17:30
  this
• 17:31
  or
• 17:31
  I'm
• 17:31
  not
• 17:31
  this.
• 17:32
  That's
• 17:32
  the
• 17:32
  conditional
• 17:34
  early
• 17:34
  learning
• 17:35
  speaking,
• 17:35
  right?
• 17:36
  That's
• 17:36
  the
• 17:36
  trauma
• 17:36
  speaking.
• 17:37
  So
• 17:38
  I
• 17:38
  think,
• 17:38
  considering,
• 17:39
  if
• 17:39
  I
• 17:39
  had
• 17:40
  to
• 17:40
  boil
• 17:40
  it
• 17:40
  down
• 17:40
  a
• 17:40
  little
• 17:41
  simpler,
• 17:41
  just
• 17:42
  considering
• 17:42
  that
• 17:42
  whatever
• 17:43
  emotional
• 17:43
  experience
• 17:44
  you're
• 17:44
  having,
• 17:44
  right?
• 17:45
  Or
• 17:45
  even
• 17:45
  if
• 17:45
  you're
• 17:45
  experiencing
• 17:46
  more
• 17:46
  of,
• 17:46
  like,
• 17:46
  the
• 17:47
  negative
• 17:47
  thoughts
• 17:47
  for
• 17:48
  My
• 17:48
  folks
• 17:48
  who
• 17:48
  have
• 17:48
  learned
• 17:49
  to
• 17:49
  suppress
• 17:49
  emotions,
• 17:50
  it
• 17:50
  really
• 17:50
  then
• 17:51
  comes
• 17:51
  up
• 17:51
  as
• 17:52
  thoughts
• 17:53
  instead
• 17:53
  of
• 17:54
  emotions.
• 17:54
  So
• 17:54
  in
• 17:54
  that
• 17:54
  sense,
• 17:55
  if
• 17:55
  I'm
• 17:55
  experiencing
• 17:56
  any
• 17:56
  sort
• 17:57
  of,
• 17:57
  like,
• 17:57
  you
• 17:57
  know,
• 17:58
  negative
• 17:58
  thought
• 17:58
  or
• 17:59
  emotion,
• 17:59
  there's
• 18:00
  a
• 18:00
  reason
• 18:00
  for
• 18:01
  that
• 18:01
  thought.
• 18:01
  I'm
• 18:01
  really
• 18:02
  feeling
• 18:02
  something
• 18:02
  underneath
• 18:03
  this.
• 18:03
  I.
• 18:03
  I
• 18:03
  don't
• 18:04
  even
• 18:04
  know
• 18:04
  what
• 18:04
  that
• 18:04
  feeling
• 18:05
  is,
• 18:05
  but
• 18:06
  there's
• 18:07
  something
• 18:07
  I
• 18:07
  need
• 18:07
  that
• 18:08
  I'm
• 18:08
  not
• 18:08
  getting.
• 18:08
  How
• 18:09
  can
• 18:09
  I
• 18:09
  give
• 18:09
  that
• 18:09
  to
• 18:10
  myself?
• 18:10
  Which
• 18:10
  is
• 18:11
  a
• 18:11
  tricky
• 18:11
  one
• 18:11
  if
• 18:11
  you.
• 18:12
  Those
• 18:12
  needs
• 18:12
  have
• 18:12
  never
• 18:13
  been
• 18:13
  met.
• 18:14
  So,
• 18:14
  Grace,
• 18:15
  giving
• 18:15
  yourself
• 18:16
  grace,
• 18:16
  you
• 18:16
  don't
• 18:16
  have
• 18:17
  to
• 18:17
  have
• 18:17
  all
• 18:17
  the
• 18:17
  answers.
• 18:19
  Yes,
• 18:20
  absolutely.
• 18:21
  And
• 18:21
  you're
• 18:21
  saying
• 18:22
  a
• 18:22
  couple
• 18:22
  things.
• 18:22
  Again,
• 18:23
  I
• 18:23
  like
• 18:23
  this
• 18:23
  to.
• 18:24
  And
• 18:24
  if.
• 18:24
  I
• 18:25
  don't
• 18:25
  know
• 18:25
  if
• 18:25
  you've
• 18:25
  ever
• 18:25
  listened
• 18:25
  to
• 18:26
  any
• 18:26
  of
• 18:26
  my
• 18:26
  podcast
• 18:26
  episodes,
• 18:27
  I
• 18:27
  like
• 18:27
  to
• 18:27
  give
• 18:27
  tidbits.
• 18:28
  I
• 18:28
  like
• 18:28
  to
• 18:28
  give
• 18:28
  tips
• 18:29
  and
• 18:29
  tricks
• 18:29
  and,
• 18:30
  and
• 18:30
  strategies
• 18:31
  because
• 18:32
  again,
• 18:32
  people
• 18:33
  that
• 18:33
  are
• 18:33
  new
• 18:33
  to
• 18:33
  this
• 18:34
  healing
• 18:34
  world,
• 18:34
  they
• 18:35
  hear
• 18:35
  these.
• 18:36
  These
• 18:36
  words,
• 18:36
  these
• 18:37
  cliches
• 18:37
  and
• 18:38
  these,
• 18:38
  you
• 18:38
  know,
• 18:39
  look
• 18:39
  into
• 18:39
  yourself
• 18:40
  and
• 18:40
  it
• 18:41
  comes
• 18:41
  within.
• 18:42
  And
• 18:42
  it's
• 18:42
  like,
• 18:42
  well,
• 18:42
  how
• 18:42
  do
• 18:43
  I
• 18:43
  do
• 18:43
  that
• 18:43
  exactly?
• 18:43
  It's
• 18:44
  like.
• 18:44
  It's
• 18:44
  like
• 18:44
  the
• 18:44
  first
• 18:45
  time
• 18:45
  someone
• 18:45
  tells
• 18:45
  you,
• 18:46
  you
• 18:46
  know,
• 18:46
  if
• 18:46
  you
• 18:46
  want
• 18:47
  to
• 18:47
  get
• 18:47
  better,
• 18:48
  you're
• 18:48
  eventually
• 18:48
  going
• 18:48
  to
• 18:48
  have
• 18:49
  to
• 18:49
  surrender.
• 18:50
  And
• 18:50
  you're
• 18:51
  sitting
• 18:51
  here
• 18:51
  going,
• 18:51
  okay.
• 18:52
  It's
• 18:52
  like,
• 18:52
  so,
• 18:53
  okay,
• 18:55
  what
• 18:55
  does
• 18:55
  that
• 18:55
  mean?
• 18:55
  And
• 18:56
  how
• 18:56
  do
• 18:56
  I
• 18:56
  do
• 18:56
  it?
• 18:57
  You
• 18:57
  know,
• 18:57
  so
• 18:57
  I'm.
• 18:58
  I'm
• 18:58
  just.
• 18:58
  Like
• 18:59
  I
• 18:59
  said,
• 18:59
  I'm
• 18:59
  picking
• 19:00
  apart
• 19:00
  what
• 19:00
  you're
• 19:00
  saying
• 19:01
  just
• 19:01
  so
• 19:01
  that
• 19:01
  I
• 19:01
  can
• 19:02
  dig
• 19:02
  a
• 19:02
  little
• 19:02
  deeper
• 19:03
  to
• 19:03
  get.
• 19:03
  If
• 19:03
  that's
• 19:04
  okay.
• 19:05
  Yeah,
• 19:05
  absolutely.
• 19:06
  It's
• 19:06
  valid.
• 19:07
  Yeah.
• 19:08
  Because
• 19:08
  your
• 19:08
  perspective
• 19:09
  on
• 19:09
  it
• 19:09
  is
• 19:09
  different
• 19:10
  than
• 19:10
  the
• 19:11
  211
• 19:12
  other
• 19:12
  people
• 19:12
  I've
• 19:12
  talked
• 19:13
  to
• 19:13
  on
• 19:13
  my
• 19:13
  podcast.
• 19:13
  Their
• 19:14
  perspective
• 19:14
  is
• 19:14
  a
• 19:14
  little
• 19:15
  different.
• 19:15
  And
• 19:16
  I
• 19:16
  truly
• 19:16
  believe
• 19:16
  that
• 19:17
  what
• 19:17
  gets
• 19:17
  said
• 19:18
  on
• 19:18
  this
• 19:18
  podcast
• 19:18
  gets
• 19:19
  said
• 19:19
  because
• 19:19
  somebody
• 19:20
  out
• 19:20
  there
• 19:20
  near
• 19:21
  needs
• 19:21
  to
• 19:21
  hear
• 19:21
  it.
• 19:22
  So,
• 19:23
  hey,
• 19:23
  well,
• 19:24
  and,
• 19:24
  and,
• 19:24
  and
• 19:24
  it's
• 19:25
  valid
• 19:25
  because
• 19:25
  if
• 19:25
  you
• 19:26
  think
• 19:26
  about
• 19:26
  it,
• 19:26
  what
• 19:27
  we're
• 19:27
  really
• 19:27
  talking
• 19:27
  about
• 19:28
  is
• 19:28
  I've.
• 19:28
  Alyssa,
• 19:29
  like,
• 19:29
  I've
• 19:29
  never
• 19:30
  learned
• 19:31
  to
• 19:31
  do
• 19:31
  that.
• 19:31
  I've
• 19:31
  always
• 19:32
  been
• 19:32
  told,
• 19:32
  you
• 19:33
  know,
• 19:33
  don't
• 19:33
  feel,
• 19:34
  or,
• 19:35
  you
• 19:35
  know,
• 19:36
  we
• 19:36
  don't
• 19:36
  do
• 19:36
  that
• 19:36
  in
• 19:37
  this
• 19:37
  house,
• 19:37
  or,
• 19:38
  you
• 19:38
  know,
• 19:39
  you
• 19:39
  think
• 19:39
  you're
• 19:39
  having
• 19:39
  a
• 19:40
  bad
• 19:40
  day.
• 19:40
  Right.
• 19:40
  So
• 19:41
  the,
• 19:41
  the
• 19:41
  ask
• 19:42
  of
• 19:42
  connecting
• 19:42
  with
• 19:42
  yourself,
• 19:44
  that
• 19:44
  may
• 19:44
  be
• 19:45
  so
• 19:45
  foreign.
• 19:46
  So
• 19:46
  foreign.
• 19:47
  Right.
• 19:48
  And
• 19:48
  scary
• 19:48
  and
• 19:49
  overwhelming.
• 19:49
  And
• 19:49
  I've
• 19:50
  built
• 19:50
  all
• 19:50
  of
• 19:50
  these
• 19:51
  walls
• 19:51
  and
• 19:51
  protective
• 19:52
  mechanisms
• 19:53
  so
• 19:53
  that
• 19:53
  I
• 19:53
  could
• 19:53
  survive.
• 19:55
  So
• 19:55
  a
• 19:55
  hundred
• 19:56
  percent.
• 19:57
  But
• 19:57
  I
• 19:57
  think
• 19:57
  giving
• 19:58
  yourself
• 19:58
  grace
• 19:59
  is
• 19:59
  a
• 19:59
  great
• 19:59
  place
• 20:00
  to
• 20:00
  just
• 20:00
  start.
• 20:01
  Is
• 20:01
  like,
• 20:02
  so
• 20:02
  if
• 20:02
  you're
• 20:02
  having
• 20:03
  negative
• 20:03
  thoughts,
• 20:04
  right?
• 20:04
  Because
• 20:05
  again,
• 20:05
  if
• 20:05
  you
• 20:05
  grew
• 20:05
  up
• 20:06
  in
• 20:06
  a
• 20:06
  household
• 20:06
  where
• 20:07
  emotions
• 20:07
  were
• 20:07
  suppressed
• 20:08
  and
• 20:08
  not
• 20:08
  Allowed,
• 20:09
  then
• 20:10
  it's
• 20:10
  going
• 20:10
  to
• 20:10
  come
• 20:10
  up
• 20:10
  as
• 20:11
  more
• 20:11
  negative
• 20:12
  thoughts.
• 20:12
  Okay,
• 20:12
  let
• 20:13
  me
• 20:13
  interrupt
• 20:13
  these
• 20:13
  thoughts.
• 20:14
  Yes,
• 20:15
  let
• 20:15
  me.
• 20:16
  You
• 20:16
  know,
• 20:16
  even
• 20:17
  just
• 20:17
  changing
• 20:18
  my
• 20:18
  environment
• 20:19
  for
• 20:19
  five
• 20:19
  minutes,
• 20:20
  going
• 20:20
  outside,
• 20:22
  looking
• 20:22
  at,
• 20:22
  you
• 20:22
  know,
• 20:23
  the
• 20:23
  sky
• 20:23
  or
• 20:23
  the
• 20:23
  birds,
• 20:24
  and
• 20:24
  I
• 20:24
  know
• 20:24
  that
• 20:24
  sounds
• 20:25
  like
• 20:25
  woo
• 20:25
  woo,
• 20:25
  and
• 20:26
  maybe
• 20:26
  a
• 20:26
  little
• 20:26
  bit
• 20:27
  like,
• 20:27
  oh,
• 20:27
  how
• 20:27
  is
• 20:27
  that
• 20:27
  really
• 20:28
  gonna
• 20:28
  help?
• 20:28
  Like,
• 20:28
  come
• 20:29
  on,
• 20:29
  you're
• 20:29
  asking
• 20:29
  me
• 20:29
  to
• 20:29
  go
• 20:29
  look
• 20:30
  at
• 20:30
  the
• 20:30
  sky.
• 20:31
  But
• 20:31
  it
• 20:31
  is
• 20:31
  a
• 20:32
  matter
• 20:32
  of
• 20:32
  getting
• 20:32
  out
• 20:33
  of
• 20:33
  your
• 20:33
  own,
• 20:34
  you
• 20:34
  know,
• 20:35
  echo
• 20:35
  chamber.
• 20:36
  And
• 20:37
  it
• 20:37
  is
• 20:37
  a
• 20:37
  matter
• 20:37
  of
• 20:38
  getting
• 20:38
  out
• 20:38
  of
• 20:38
  the,
• 20:39
  the
• 20:39
  four
• 20:39
  corners
• 20:39
  of
• 20:40
  your
• 20:40
  mind
• 20:40
  or
• 20:40
  the
• 20:40
  four
• 20:40
  corners
• 20:41
  of
• 20:41
  the
• 20:41
  room
• 20:42
  and
• 20:43
  shifting
• 20:43
  your
• 20:44
  focus.
• 20:44
  That's
• 20:44
  what
• 20:45
  we
• 20:45
  want
• 20:45
  to
• 20:45
  do.
• 20:46
  And
• 20:47
  it,
• 20:47
  it
• 20:47
  can
• 20:47
  just
• 20:48
  start
• 20:48
  with
• 20:49
  validating
• 20:50
  like,
• 20:50
  this
• 20:51
  is
• 20:51
  hard.
• 20:51
  I'm
• 20:51
  experiencing
• 20:52
  something
• 20:52
  hard.
• 20:53
  I'm
• 20:53
  experiencing
• 20:54
  something
• 20:54
  difficult.
• 20:56
  Absolutely.
• 20:56
  And
• 20:57
  the
• 20:57
  idea
• 20:57
  of
• 20:57
  getting
• 20:58
  outside
• 20:58
  and
• 20:58
  walking,
• 20:58
  it
• 20:59
  does
• 20:59
  not
• 20:59
  sound
• 20:59
  woo
• 21:00
  woo.
• 21:00
  It's
• 21:00
  literally
• 21:01
  just
• 21:01
  changing.
• 21:01
  It's
• 21:02
  a,
• 21:02
  it's
• 21:02
  a
• 21:02
  pattern
• 21:03
  interrupt
• 21:03
  or
• 21:03
  a
• 21:04
  pattern.
• 21:04
  You
• 21:04
  know,
• 21:04
  it's
• 21:05
  a
• 21:05
  refocus.
• 21:05
  It's.
• 21:06
  That's
• 21:06
  why
• 21:07
  if
• 21:07
  you're
• 21:07
  having
• 21:07
  an
• 21:07
  anxiety
• 21:08
  attack,
• 21:08
  you
• 21:09
  do
• 21:09
  the
• 21:09
  5,
• 21:09
  4,
• 21:09
  3,
• 21:10
  2,
• 21:10
  1.
• 21:10
  If
• 21:10
  you're
• 21:11
  sitting
• 21:11
  here
• 21:11
  first,
• 21:12
  you
• 21:12
  know,
• 21:12
  okay,
• 21:12
  this
• 21:12
  is
• 21:12
  feeling
• 21:13
  uncomfortable.
• 21:13
  And
• 21:14
  then
• 21:14
  you
• 21:14
  do
• 21:14
  the
• 21:14
  five
• 21:15
  things
• 21:15
  I
• 21:15
  can
• 21:15
  see
• 21:15
  and
• 21:16
  four
• 21:16
  things.
• 21:16
  And
• 21:16
  sometimes
• 21:17
  that's
• 21:17
  just
• 21:17
  changing
• 21:18
  your
• 21:18
  mind.
• 21:18
  It's,
• 21:19
  it's
• 21:19
  stopping
• 21:20
  what
• 21:20
  you
• 21:20
  were
• 21:20
  thinking
• 21:20
  about.
• 21:21
  Because
• 21:22
  as
• 21:22
  we
• 21:22
  all
• 21:22
  know,
• 21:22
  we
• 21:23
  are
• 21:23
  our
• 21:23
  own
• 21:23
  worst
• 21:24
  critics.
• 21:25
  And
• 21:25
  if
• 21:25
  we
• 21:25
  were
• 21:26
  thinking
• 21:26
  something
• 21:27
  bad,
• 21:28
  one
• 21:28
  thought
• 21:28
  and
• 21:29
  you
• 21:29
  don't
• 21:29
  stop
• 21:30
  it
• 21:30
  quickly,
• 21:31
  it's
• 21:31
  going
• 21:31
  to
• 21:31
  snowball.
• 21:32
  You
• 21:32
  know,
• 21:33
  you
• 21:33
  could
• 21:33
  spill
• 21:33
  a
• 21:33
  glass
• 21:33
  of
• 21:34
  water
• 21:34
  and
• 21:34
  the
• 21:34
  next
• 21:34
  thing
• 21:34
  you
• 21:35
  know,
• 21:35
  you're
• 21:35
  the
• 21:35
  worst
• 21:35
  person
• 21:36
  on
• 21:36
  the
• 21:36
  earth.
• 21:37
  Right.
• 21:37
  In
• 21:38
  your
• 21:38
  own
• 21:38
  mind.
• 21:39
  But
• 21:39
  if
• 21:39
  you
• 21:39
  can
• 21:40
  be
• 21:40
  like,
• 21:40
  oops,
• 21:40
  made
• 21:40
  a
• 21:40
  mistake,
• 21:41
  that
• 21:41
  sucks.
• 21:42
  Let's
• 21:42
  go
• 21:42
  outside,
• 21:42
  walk
• 21:43
  around,
• 21:43
  walk
• 21:43
  it
• 21:44
  off,
• 21:44
  shake
• 21:44
  it
• 21:44
  off.
• 21:44
  I
• 21:45
  mean,
• 21:45
  move
• 21:45
  your
• 21:45
  body.
• 21:46
  Sometimes
• 21:46
  just
• 21:47
  moving
• 21:47
  your
• 21:47
  body
• 21:47
  helps.
• 21:48
  Yep,
• 21:49
  always,
• 21:50
  I
• 21:50
  think.
• 21:51
  Yeah.
• 21:52
  The
• 21:52
  5,
• 21:52
  4,
• 21:52
  3,
• 21:53
  2,
• 21:53
  1.
• 21:53
  I
• 21:53
  actually
• 21:54
  have
• 21:54
  another
• 21:54
  one
• 21:54
  that
• 21:55
  I've
• 21:55
  told
• 21:55
  clients
• 21:56
  about
• 21:57
  and
• 21:57
  I,
• 21:57
  I
• 21:58
  like
• 21:58
  this
• 21:58
  one,
• 21:59
  which
• 21:59
  is
• 22:00
  keep
• 22:00
  it
• 22:00
  simple.
• 22:01
  Like,
• 22:01
  name
• 22:01
  the
• 22:01
  colors
• 22:02
  that
• 22:02
  you
• 22:02
  see
• 22:02
  and
• 22:03
  just
• 22:03
  keep
• 22:03
  doing
• 22:04
  it.
• 22:04
  Like
• 22:04
  wherever
• 22:05
  you
• 22:05
  are,
• 22:05
  name
• 22:06
  all
• 22:06
  the
• 22:06
  colors.
• 22:06
  And
• 22:06
  if
• 22:06
  it's
• 22:07
  all
• 22:07
  blue,
• 22:07
  okay,
• 22:08
  you
• 22:08
  know,
• 22:08
  light
• 22:08
  blue,
• 22:09
  dark
• 22:09
  blue,
• 22:09
  navy
• 22:10
  blue,
• 22:10
  gray
• 22:11
  blue.
• 22:11
  And
• 22:12
  what
• 22:12
  will
• 22:12
  happen
• 22:12
  is
• 22:13
  because
• 22:13
  of
• 22:13
  the
• 22:13
  way
• 22:13
  the
• 22:13
  mind
• 22:14
  works,
• 22:16
  it's
• 22:16
  always
• 22:16
  going
• 22:16
  to
• 22:16
  find
• 22:17
  something
• 22:17
  new
• 22:17
  to
• 22:17
  think
• 22:17
  about.
• 22:18
  And
• 22:18
  maybe
• 22:18
  you
• 22:18
  see
• 22:19
  the
• 22:19
  dishes,
• 22:20
  right?
• 22:20
  It's
• 22:21
  like,
• 22:21
  okay,
• 22:21
  let
• 22:21
  me
• 22:22
  just
• 22:22
  go
• 22:22
  and
• 22:22
  do
• 22:22
  the
• 22:22
  dishes.
• 22:23
  And
• 22:23
  I
• 22:24
  can't
• 22:24
  change
• 22:24
  this,
• 22:24
  all
• 22:25
  this
• 22:25
  other
• 22:25
  stuff,
• 22:25
  but
• 22:25
  right
• 22:26
  now
• 22:26
  I
• 22:26
  can
• 22:26
  do
• 22:26
  the
• 22:26
  dishes
• 22:27
  or
• 22:27
  you
• 22:27
  see
• 22:27
  a
• 22:27
  book
• 22:28
  or
• 22:28
  a
• 22:28
  picture
• 22:28
  or
• 22:29
  something
• 22:29
  else
• 22:29
  that's
• 22:30
  going
• 22:30
  to
• 22:30
  change
• 22:30
  your
• 22:30
  focus,
• 22:31
  because
• 22:31
  that's
• 22:31
  really
• 22:32
  what
• 22:32
  we
• 22:32
  want
• 22:33
  to
• 22:33
  do.
• 22:33
  And
• 22:33
  that's
• 22:33
  if
• 22:34
  even
• 22:34
  if
• 22:34
  you're
• 22:34
  having
• 22:34
  a
• 22:35
  panic
• 22:35
  attack
• 22:35
  or
• 22:36
  you're
• 22:36
  stuck
• 22:36
  in
• 22:36
  a
• 22:36
  big
• 22:36
  emotion,
• 22:38
  no
• 22:38
  logic
• 22:38
  is
• 22:39
  going
• 22:39
  to
• 22:39
  help
• 22:39
  it
• 22:39
  be
• 22:39
  accessible
• 22:40
  in
• 22:40
  that
• 22:40
  moment,
• 22:41
  nor
• 22:41
  is
• 22:41
  it
• 22:41
  going
• 22:42
  to
• 22:42
  necessarily
• 22:42
  help.
• 22:43
  So
• 22:43
  we
• 22:43
  just
• 22:44
  need
• 22:44
  to
• 22:44
  interrupt
• 22:44
  it.
• 22:46
  Exactly.
• 22:46
  Exactly.
• 22:48
  So
• 22:48
  I
• 22:48
  want
• 22:48
  to
• 22:48
  ask
• 22:48
  you
• 22:49
  another
• 22:49
  question,
• 22:49
  which
• 22:49
  is
• 22:50
  one
• 22:50
  of
• 22:50
  the
• 22:50
  questions
• 22:50
  that
• 22:50
  you
• 22:50
  put,
• 22:50
  and
• 22:51
  this
• 22:51
  is
• 22:51
  kind
• 22:51
  of
• 22:51
  off
• 22:51
  topic
• 22:52
  now
• 22:52
  because
• 22:52
  it's
• 22:52
  not
• 22:53
  like
• 22:53
  it
• 22:53
  going
• 22:53
  right
• 22:54
  from
• 22:54
  where
• 22:54
  we
• 22:54
  were
• 22:54
  saying,
• 22:55
  but
• 22:55
  we
• 22:55
  hear
• 22:56
  the
• 22:56
  term
• 22:56
  relational
• 22:57
  healing
• 22:58
  a
• 22:58
  lot.
• 22:59
  Tell
• 22:59
  us
• 23:00
  your
• 23:01
  what
• 23:01
  that
• 23:01
  means
• 23:01
  to
• 23:02
  you.
• 23:02
  Because
• 23:02
  people
• 23:03
  here,
• 23:03
  I've
• 23:03
  had
• 23:03
  to
• 23:03
  actually
• 23:04
  two
• 23:04
  people
• 23:04
  tell
• 23:05
  me,
• 23:05
  you
• 23:06
  know,
• 23:06
  they're
• 23:06
  like,
• 23:06
  what
• 23:06
  does
• 23:06
  that
• 23:07
  just
• 23:07
  mean?
• 23:07
  My
• 23:07
  brother,
• 23:07
  my
• 23:07
  sister,
• 23:08
  my
• 23:08
  relations?
• 23:08
  Like,
• 23:09
  what
• 23:09
  is
• 23:09
  relational
• 23:09
  healing?
• 23:11
  Yeah.
• 23:12
  So
• 23:13
  as
• 23:13
  a
• 23:13
  therapist
• 23:13
  in
• 23:14
  my
• 23:14
  role,
• 23:14
  working
• 23:14
  with
• 23:14
  childhood
• 23:15
  trauma,
• 23:15
  generational
• 23:16
  patterns,
• 23:17
  I'm
• 23:17
  actually
• 23:17
  a
• 23:17
  relational
• 23:18
  therapist.
• 23:18
  Right.
• 23:19
  And
• 23:20
  so
• 23:20
  what
• 23:20
  if
• 23:21
  I'm
• 23:21
  using
• 23:21
  the.
• 23:22
  The
• 23:22
  context
• 23:22
  of
• 23:22
  therapy?
• 23:23
  Or
• 23:23
  even
• 23:23
  if
• 23:23
  you
• 23:23
  think
• 23:24
  about
• 23:24
  if
• 23:24
  you're
• 23:24
  a
• 23:24
  parent
• 23:25
  or
• 23:25
  a
• 23:25
  caregiver
• 23:26
  to
• 23:26
  someone,
• 23:26
  right.
• 23:27
  What
• 23:27
  a
• 23:27
  relational
• 23:28
  healing
• 23:28
  is,
• 23:30
  you're
• 23:30
  actually
• 23:30
  having
• 23:30
  a
• 23:31
  lived
• 23:31
  experience
• 23:33
  of
• 23:33
  a
• 23:34
  healthy
• 23:35
  relationship.
• 23:36
  Right.
• 23:36
  It
• 23:36
  can
• 23:37
  we.
• 23:37
  It
• 23:37
  can
• 23:38
  rewire
• 23:38
  the
• 23:38
  brain
• 23:39
  that,
• 23:40
  okay,
• 23:40
  actually,
• 23:40
  maybe
• 23:41
  this
• 23:41
  is
• 23:42
  safe.
• 23:42
  Does
• 23:42
  it
• 23:42
  happen
• 23:43
  right
• 23:43
  away?
• 23:43
  No.
• 23:44
  It's
• 23:44
  going
• 23:44
  to
• 23:44
  be
• 23:44
  terrifying
• 23:45
  to,
• 23:45
  like,
• 23:45
  you
• 23:46
  know,
• 23:46
  be
• 23:47
  open.
• 23:48
  I've
• 23:48
  been
• 23:48
  taught
• 23:49
  I
• 23:49
  need
• 23:49
  to
• 23:49
  be
• 23:49
  closed
• 23:50
  forever.
• 23:50
  Right.
• 23:51
  Like,
• 23:51
  in
• 23:52
  order
• 23:52
  to
• 23:52
  protect
• 23:52
  myself,
• 23:53
  though,
• 23:53
  that.
• 23:53
  That
• 23:54
  protective
• 23:55
  mechanism
• 23:55
  is
• 23:55
  there
• 23:55
  for
• 23:55
  a
• 23:56
  reason.
• 23:56
  It
• 23:56
  functions
• 23:57
  and
• 23:57
  serves
• 23:57
  a
• 23:58
  purpose.
• 23:58
  But
• 23:59
  relational
• 23:59
  healing,
• 24:00
  having
• 24:00
  the
• 24:01
  experience
• 24:01
  of
• 24:02
  somebody
• 24:03
  being
• 24:03
  with
• 24:03
  you
• 24:04
  through
• 24:04
  something
• 24:05
  really
• 24:05
  challenging
• 24:07
  and
• 24:07
  not
• 24:07
  turning
• 24:08
  away
• 24:08
  and
• 24:09
  not
• 24:09
  leaving
• 24:09
  you
• 24:10
  alone
• 24:10
  to
• 24:11
  deal
• 24:11
  with
• 24:11
  it
• 24:11
  by
• 24:11
  yourself
• 24:12
  or,
• 24:13
  you
• 24:14
  know,
• 24:14
  not
• 24:14
  rejecting
• 24:15
  you
• 24:15
  or
• 24:16
  criticizing
• 24:17
  you,
• 24:17
  but
• 24:18
  just
• 24:18
  being
• 24:18
  with
• 24:19
  you
• 24:19
  and
• 24:19
  allowing
• 24:20
  you
• 24:20
  to
• 24:20
  have
• 24:20
  your
• 24:20
  experience,
• 24:21
  you
• 24:21
  know,
• 24:22
  that
• 24:22
  is
• 24:22
  something
• 24:23
  that
• 24:24
  can
• 24:24
  rewire
• 24:25
  the
• 24:25
  experience
• 24:25
  of
• 24:25
  like,
• 24:25
  maybe
• 24:26
  I
• 24:26
  deserved
• 24:27
  that
• 24:27
  all
• 24:27
  along.
• 24:28
  Right.
• 24:28
  Or
• 24:28
  if
• 24:28
  you're
• 24:28
  a
• 24:29
  parent
• 24:29
  and
• 24:30
  you
• 24:30
  are
• 24:30
  really
• 24:31
  working
• 24:31
  through
• 24:31
  your
• 24:32
  own
• 24:32
  stuff,
• 24:32
  it's
• 24:32
  like,
• 24:33
  I
• 24:33
  can
• 24:33
  actually
• 24:33
  create
• 24:34
  that
• 24:34
  for
• 24:34
  my
• 24:34
  kids.
• 24:35
  They're
• 24:35
  having
• 24:36
  big
• 24:36
  emotions.
• 24:37
  I
• 24:37
  can
• 24:37
  be
• 24:37
  that
• 24:38
  model
• 24:38
  for
• 24:38
  them
• 24:38
  that
• 24:39
  maybe
• 24:39
  I
• 24:39
  needed.
• 24:39
  And
• 24:40
  at
• 24:40
  the
• 24:40
  same
• 24:40
  time,
• 24:41
  that's
• 24:41
  going
• 24:41
  to
• 24:41
  kind
• 24:42
  of
• 24:42
  open
• 24:42
  up.
• 24:42
  Like,
• 24:43
  okay,
• 24:44
  maybe
• 24:44
  that's
• 24:44
  something
• 24:45
  that
• 24:45
  I
• 24:45
  needed
• 24:45
  too,
• 24:46
  as
• 24:46
  a
• 24:46
  kid.
• 24:46
  So
• 24:47
  relational
• 24:47
  healing
• 24:47
  is
• 24:48
  really
• 24:48
  like
• 24:48
  a
• 24:48
  lived
• 24:49
  experience
• 24:50
  of
• 24:51
  something
• 24:52
  healthy.
• 24:53
  Okay.
• 24:54
  Okay.
• 24:55
  So
• 24:55
  it's
• 24:55
  a
• 24:55
  gen.
• 24:56
  You
• 24:56
  know,
• 24:56
  it's
• 24:56
  not
• 24:56
  something
• 24:57
  like,
• 24:58
  okay,
• 24:58
  I'm
• 24:58
  gonna
• 24:58
  go
• 24:58
  out
• 24:59
  today
• 24:59
  and
• 24:59
  I'm
• 24:59
  gonna
• 24:59
  relationally
• 25:00
  heal.
• 25:00
  Like,
• 25:01
  it's
• 25:01
  not
• 25:01
  something
• 25:02
  you
• 25:02
  can.
• 25:02
  It's
• 25:03
  just
• 25:03
  what
• 25:03
  you're
• 25:04
  That's.
• 25:04
  So
• 25:04
  that's
• 25:04
  what
• 25:04
  you're
• 25:04
  taught.
• 25:05
  It's
• 25:05
  just
• 25:05
  the
• 25:05
  actual
• 25:06
  experience
• 25:07
  of
• 25:08
  those.
• 25:08
  Those
• 25:09
  moments.
• 25:10
  And
• 25:10
  that
• 25:10
  has
• 25:11
  a
• 25:11
  lot
• 25:11
  to.
• 25:11
  And
• 25:12
  I
• 25:12
  can
• 25:12
  only.
• 25:13
  Well,
• 25:13
  I
• 25:13
  can
• 25:13
  imagine
• 25:14
  how
• 25:15
  tough
• 25:15
  that
• 25:15
  is
• 25:15
  in
• 25:16
  the
• 25:16
  beginning.
• 25:17
  And
• 25:18
  a
• 25:18
  lot
• 25:18
  of
• 25:18
  people,
• 25:19
  we
• 25:19
  are
• 25:19
  very
• 25:19
  good
• 25:20
  at
• 25:20
  doing
• 25:20
  for
• 25:20
  others
• 25:21
  what
• 25:21
  we
• 25:21
  can't
• 25:21
  do
• 25:22
  for
• 25:22
  ourselves.
• 25:23
  So
• 25:23
  I
• 25:24
  like
• 25:24
  to
• 25:24
  think
• 25:24
  that
• 25:25
  part
• 25:25
  of
• 25:25
  a
• 25:26
  good
• 25:26
  practice
• 25:27
  of
• 25:28
  getting
• 25:29
  ready
• 25:29
  to
• 25:29
  do
• 25:30
  that
• 25:30
  for
• 25:30
  yourself
• 25:30
  is
• 25:31
  being
• 25:31
  that
• 25:31
  person
• 25:32
  for
• 25:32
  someone
• 25:32
  else.
• 25:34
  Yeah.
• 25:34
  If
• 25:35
  you
• 25:35
  have
• 25:35
  kids
• 25:36
  or
• 25:36
  if
• 25:36
  you
• 25:36
  have
• 25:37
  a
• 25:37
  person
• 25:37
  in
• 25:37
  your
• 25:37
  life
• 25:38
  that
• 25:38
  you
• 25:38
  want
• 25:38
  to
• 25:39
  extend
• 25:39
  that.
• 25:39
  That
• 25:40
  offering
• 25:40
  to.
• 25:41
  Because
• 25:41
  really
• 25:41
  what
• 25:42
  you're
• 25:42
  giving
• 25:42
  somebody
• 25:43
  in
• 25:43
  that
• 25:43
  moment
• 25:43
  is
• 25:43
  a
• 25:44
  true
• 25:44
  sense
• 25:45
  of
• 25:45
  like,
• 25:46
  I
• 25:46
  see
• 25:46
  you
• 25:47
  and
• 25:47
  I
• 25:47
  hear
• 25:47
  you
• 25:48
  and
• 25:48
  you
• 25:48
  matter,
• 25:49
  and
• 25:49
  I
• 25:49
  want
• 25:49
  to
• 25:50
  know
• 25:50
  what's
• 25:50
  going
• 25:51
  on
• 25:51
  for
• 25:51
  you.
• 25:51
  Right.
• 25:52
  So,
• 25:52
  yeah,
• 25:52
  if
• 25:53
  that's
• 25:53
  accessible,
• 25:54
  sometimes
• 25:54
  it's
• 25:54
  not,
• 25:55
  because
• 25:55
  sometimes
• 25:55
  it's
• 25:56
  more.
• 25:56
  We
• 25:56
  project
• 25:57
  our
• 25:57
  stuff
• 25:57
  outward.
• 25:58
  Right.
• 26:00
  But
• 26:00
  yeah,
• 26:00
  if
• 26:00
  that
• 26:01
  is
• 26:01
  something
• 26:01
  that
• 26:01
  you,
• 26:02
  you
• 26:03
  know,
• 26:03
  is
• 26:03
  accessible
• 26:04
  and
• 26:04
  maybe
• 26:04
  a
• 26:04
  desire,
• 26:05
  then
• 26:05
  we
• 26:05
  can
• 26:06
  try
• 26:06
  it.
• 26:06
  Yeah.
• 26:07
  Yeah.
• 26:07
  But,
• 26:07
  yeah,
• 26:08
  it's
• 26:08
  not
• 26:08
  necessarily.
• 26:09
  This
• 26:09
  isn't
• 26:10
  easy.
• 26:10
  No,
• 26:11
  no,
• 26:11
  no,
• 26:11
  no,
• 26:11
  no.
• 26:11
  Absolutely
• 26:12
  not.
• 26:12
  I
• 26:13
  just
• 26:13
  know
• 26:13
  when
• 26:13
  I
• 26:13
  was
• 26:14
  first,
• 26:14
  everybody's
• 26:15
  like,
• 26:15
  you
• 26:15
  have
• 26:15
  to
• 26:15
  love
• 26:15
  yourself
• 26:16
  before
• 26:16
  you
• 26:16
  can
• 26:16
  love
• 26:17
  other
• 26:17
  people.
• 26:17
  And
• 26:17
  I'm
• 26:17
  like,
• 26:17
  that's
• 26:18
  not
• 26:18
  true.
• 26:18
  I
• 26:18
  love
• 26:18
  my
• 26:19
  this
• 26:19
  and
• 26:19
  I
• 26:19
  love
• 26:19
  my
• 26:20
  that,
• 26:20
  and
• 26:20
  I
• 26:20
  don't
• 26:20
  love
• 26:20
  myself.
• 26:21
  I
• 26:21
  don't
• 26:21
  need
• 26:21
  to
• 26:21
  love
• 26:21
  me.
• 26:22
  But
• 26:23
  for
• 26:23
  me,
• 26:23
  it
• 26:23
  was
• 26:24
  much
• 26:24
  easier
• 26:24
  to
• 26:26
  give.
• 26:27
  Well,
• 26:27
  obviously
• 26:28
  a
• 26:28
  people
• 26:28
  pleaser,
• 26:29
  but
• 26:29
  it
• 26:29
  was
• 26:30
  much
• 26:30
  easier
• 26:31
  to.
• 26:31
  To
• 26:31
  give
• 26:32
  and
• 26:32
  then
• 26:33
  feel
• 26:33
  like
• 26:34
  it
• 26:34
  made
• 26:34
  me
• 26:34
  feel
• 26:34
  good
• 26:35
  because
• 26:35
  usually
• 26:36
  I
• 26:36
  was
• 26:36
  just
• 26:36
  giving,
• 26:36
  giving,
• 26:37
  giving,
• 26:37
  because
• 26:37
  that's
• 26:37
  what
• 26:37
  was
• 26:37
  accepted
• 26:38
  expected
• 26:38
  of
• 26:38
  me
• 26:39
  as
• 26:39
  a
• 26:39
  child.
• 26:40
  But
• 26:40
  when
• 26:40
  you
• 26:40
  start
• 26:41
  giving,
• 26:41
  really
• 26:41
  with
• 26:42
  that
• 26:42
  honest
• 26:43
  compassion
• 26:43
  and
• 26:44
  empathy,
• 26:45
  it
• 26:45
  literally
• 26:45
  shifted
• 26:46
  all
• 26:46
  of
• 26:47
  a
• 26:47
  sudden.
• 26:47
  I
• 26:47
  was
• 26:47
  like,
• 26:47
  wow,
• 26:48
  look
• 26:48
  how
• 26:49
  they
• 26:49
  took
• 26:49
  that.
• 26:49
  That
• 26:49
  was
• 26:50
  kind
• 26:50
  of
• 26:50
  cool.
• 26:51
  So
• 26:51
  it
• 26:51
  was.
• 26:52
  It
• 26:52
  was
• 26:52
  all
• 26:52
  that.
• 26:52
  I
• 26:53
  mean,
• 26:53
  that
• 26:53
  worked.
• 26:53
  That
• 26:54
  was,
• 26:54
  I
• 26:54
  mean,
• 26:54
  25
• 26:55
  years
• 26:55
  ago.
• 26:55
  But
• 26:56
  I
• 26:56
  mean,
• 26:56
  heck,
• 26:57
  you
• 26:57
  did
• 26:57
  what
• 26:57
  you
• 26:57
  had
• 26:57
  to
• 26:57
  do,
• 26:58
  right?
• 26:58
  Yeah,
• 26:59
  so.
• 26:59
  Yeah,
• 27:00
  but
• 27:01
  it
• 27:01
  worked.
• 27:01
  But
• 27:01
  I
• 27:02
  just
• 27:02
  wanted
• 27:02
  you
• 27:02
  to
• 27:02
  kind
• 27:02
  of
• 27:02
  sum
• 27:03
  that
• 27:03
  up
• 27:03
  because
• 27:03
  that
• 27:04
  is
• 27:04
  one
• 27:04
  of
• 27:04
  those
• 27:04
  terms.
• 27:05
  There's
• 27:05
  so
• 27:06
  many
• 27:06
  of
• 27:06
  those
• 27:06
  just
• 27:08
  niche
• 27:08
  terms
• 27:09
  getting
• 27:09
  thrown
• 27:10
  around
• 27:10
  around
• 27:10
  right
• 27:11
  now.
• 27:11
  And
• 27:11
  I
• 27:11
  don't
• 27:12
  like
• 27:12
  to
• 27:12
  leave
• 27:12
  people
• 27:12
  hanging.
• 27:13
  Like,
• 27:13
  what
• 27:13
  does
• 27:13
  that
• 27:13
  mean?
• 27:14
  And
• 27:14
  that
• 27:15
  was
• 27:15
  one
• 27:15
  of
• 27:15
  them
• 27:15
  that's
• 27:17
  been
• 27:17
  kind
• 27:17
  of
• 27:18
  spinning
• 27:18
  in
• 27:18
  my
• 27:18
  head
• 27:18
  recently.
• 27:20
  But
• 27:22
  tell
• 27:22
  us
• 27:23
  a
• 27:23
  little
• 27:23
  bit
• 27:23
  more
• 27:24
  about
• 27:24
  what.
• 27:25
  What
• 27:25
  do
• 27:25
  you
• 27:25
  do?
• 27:26
  Like,
• 27:26
  I
• 27:26
  know
• 27:26
  you're
• 27:26
  a
• 27:26
  therapist
• 27:27
  and
• 27:27
  do
• 27:27
  you
• 27:27
  work
• 27:28
  online?
• 27:28
  Do
• 27:28
  you
• 27:28
  work
• 27:29
  with
• 27:29
  other.
• 27:29
  How
• 27:29
  do
• 27:30
  you
• 27:30
  work?
• 27:31
  Yeah,
• 27:31
  so
• 27:31
  we
• 27:32
  are
• 27:32
  a
• 27:32
  virtual
• 27:33
  group
• 27:33
  practice.
• 27:34
  We
• 27:35
  actually
• 27:35
  operate
• 27:35
  in
• 27:36
  five
• 27:36
  different
• 27:36
  states.
• 27:37
  So
• 27:37
  we
• 27:37
  have
• 27:37
  like
• 27:38
  staff
• 27:38
  on
• 27:38
  hand
• 27:39
  that
• 27:39
  are
• 27:39
  licenses
• 27:39
  and
• 27:40
  license
• 27:40
  in
• 27:40
  multiple
• 27:41
  states.
• 27:42
  So
• 27:43
  our
• 27:43
  reach
• 27:44
  right
• 27:44
  now
• 27:44
  is
• 27:44
  Florida,
• 27:45
  Missouri,
• 27:46
  New
• 27:46
  Jersey,
• 27:46
  Tech,
• 27:47
  Texas
• 27:47
  and
• 27:47
  New
• 27:48
  York.
• 27:49
  And
• 27:50
  you
• 27:50
  know
• 27:50
  what,
• 27:50
  what
• 27:50
  makes
• 27:51
  us
• 27:51
  actually
• 27:51
  I
• 27:51
  think
• 27:52
  a
• 27:52
  little
• 27:52
  bit
• 27:52
  different
• 27:53
  than
• 27:53
  any
• 27:53
  other
• 27:54
  like
• 27:54
  mental
• 27:54
  health
• 27:54
  practice
• 27:55
  is
• 27:56
  we
• 27:56
  incorporate
• 27:57
  whole
• 27:58
  person
• 27:58
  healing.
• 27:59
  So
• 28:00
  if
• 28:00
  you're
• 28:00
  a
• 28:00
  current
• 28:00
  therapy
• 28:01
  client,
• 28:01
  you
• 28:01
  have
• 28:02
  access
• 28:02
  to
• 28:02
  our
• 28:02
  wellness
• 28:03
  services
• 28:03
  in,
• 28:04
  you
• 28:04
  know,
• 28:04
  at
• 28:04
  no
• 28:04
  additional
• 28:05
  cost.
• 28:05
  And
• 28:05
  we
• 28:06
  have
• 28:06
  a
• 28:06
  mindfulness
• 28:07
  coach
• 28:07
  who's
• 28:07
  also
• 28:07
  a
• 28:07
  registered
• 28:08
  yoga
• 28:08
  teacher,
• 28:09
  certified
• 28:09
  mindfulness
• 28:10
  meditation
• 28:10
  teacher.
• 28:11
  We're
• 28:11
  bringing
• 28:12
  on
• 28:12
  a
• 28:12
  nutritionist
• 28:13
  and
• 28:13
  personal
• 28:14
  trainer.
• 28:15
  We're
• 28:15
  bringing
• 28:16
  on.
• 28:16
  Well,
• 28:16
  we
• 28:17
  have
• 28:17
  a
• 28:17
  self
• 28:17
  love
• 28:17
  coach.
• 28:18
  And
• 28:18
  so
• 28:19
  all
• 28:19
  of
• 28:19
  those
• 28:19
  services
• 28:20
  are
• 28:20
  available
• 28:20
  to
• 28:20
  public,
• 28:21
  but
• 28:21
  they
• 28:21
  are,
• 28:22
  you
• 28:22
  know,
• 28:23
  in
• 28:23
  order
• 28:23
  to
• 28:24
  practice
• 28:25
  some
• 28:25
  of
• 28:25
  these
• 28:25
  self
• 28:25
  compassion
• 28:26
  skills
• 28:26
  and
• 28:27
  extend
• 28:27
  it
• 28:27
  to
• 28:27
  different
• 28:27
  areas
• 28:28
  of
• 28:28
  your
• 28:28
  being,
• 28:29
  you
• 28:29
  know,
• 28:29
  that's
• 28:30
  something
• 28:30
  that
• 28:30
  we
• 28:30
  want
• 28:30
  to
• 28:31
  offer
• 28:31
  our
• 28:31
  clients
• 28:32
  so
• 28:32
  you
• 28:32
  can
• 28:32
  create
• 28:32
  change
• 28:33
  in
• 28:33
  the
• 28:33
  moment
• 28:33
  while
• 28:34
  we're
• 28:34
  working
• 28:34
  on
• 28:35
  that
• 28:35
  deeper
• 28:36
  relational
• 28:37
  stuff,
• 28:37
  which
• 28:37
  takes
• 28:38
  a
• 28:38
  little
• 28:38
  bit
• 28:38
  of
• 28:38
  time
• 28:39
  and
• 28:39
  rightfully
• 28:39
  so.
• 28:40
  Oh,
• 28:41
  absolutely.
• 28:42
  I
• 28:42
  mean
• 28:42
  I
• 28:43
  have
• 28:43
  people
• 28:43
  come
• 28:43
  to
• 28:43
  me,
• 28:43
  they're
• 28:44
  in
• 28:44
  their
• 28:44
  60s
• 28:44
  and
• 28:44
  I'm
• 28:45
  like,
• 28:45
  you
• 28:45
  didn't
• 28:45
  get
• 28:46
  like
• 28:46
  this
• 28:46
  in
• 28:46
  two
• 28:47
  days.
• 28:47
  It's
• 28:47
  not
• 28:48
  going
• 28:48
  to
• 28:48
  undo
• 28:48
  in
• 28:49
  two
• 28:49
  days.
• 28:49
  You
• 28:49
  don't
• 28:50
  just
• 28:50
  wake
• 28:50
  up
• 28:50
  one
• 28:50
  morning
• 28:50
  and
• 28:51
  go,
• 28:51
  okay,
• 28:51
  I
• 28:51
  love
• 28:52
  myself
• 28:52
  and
• 28:53
  here
• 28:53
  we
• 28:53
  go.
• 28:53
  Let's,
• 28:54
  this
• 28:54
  is
• 28:54
  a
• 28:54
  new
• 28:54
  world.
• 28:55
  But
• 28:55
  I
• 28:56
  mean
• 28:56
  I
• 28:56
  tell
• 28:56
  people
• 28:56
  every
• 28:57
  step
• 28:57
  that
• 28:57
  you
• 28:57
  make
• 28:57
  and
• 28:58
  every
• 28:58
  single
• 28:59
  action
• 28:59
  you
• 28:59
  take
• 28:59
  and
• 29:00
  decision
• 29:00
  you
• 29:00
  make
• 29:01
  and
• 29:01
  you
• 29:01
  know,
• 29:02
  your
• 29:02
  end
• 29:02
  goal
• 29:02
  and
• 29:03
  what
• 29:03
  is
• 29:03
  it
• 29:03
  for
• 29:03
  all
• 29:03
  of
• 29:04
  us
• 29:04
  is
• 29:04
  really
• 29:04
  just
• 29:05
  peace.
• 29:05
  I
• 29:06
  mean
• 29:06
  peace
• 29:06
  in
• 29:06
  our
• 29:06
  heart
• 29:07
  and
• 29:07
  our
• 29:07
  soul
• 29:07
  and
• 29:07
  our
• 29:08
  minds.
• 29:09
  So
• 29:10
  you
• 29:10
  know,
• 29:10
  it's
• 29:10
  just
• 29:10
  those.
• 29:11
  You
• 29:12
  what?
• 29:12
  And
• 29:13
  connection.
• 29:13
  That's
• 29:14
  really
• 29:15
  what
• 29:15
  is
• 29:16
  at
• 29:16
  the
• 29:16
  core
• 29:16
  of
• 29:17
  some
• 29:17
  of
• 29:17
  these
• 29:17
  patterns
• 29:18
  that
• 29:18
  or
• 29:18
  roles
• 29:18
  that
• 29:18
  we
• 29:19
  play
• 29:19
  is
• 29:20
  I've
• 29:20
  wanted
• 29:21
  to
• 29:21
  fit
• 29:22
  somewhere.
• 29:22
  I've
• 29:22
  wanted
• 29:23
  to
• 29:23
  feel
• 29:23
  like
• 29:23
  I
• 29:23
  belong
• 29:24
  somewhere.
• 29:24
  And
• 29:24
  like
• 29:25
  the
• 29:25
  relational
• 29:26
  healing
• 29:26
  is
• 29:26
  about
• 29:27
  I
• 29:27
  don't
• 29:27
  need
• 29:28
  to
• 29:28
  play
• 29:28
  that
• 29:28
  role.
• 29:29
  I
• 29:30
  didn't,
• 29:30
  I.
• 29:30
  It's
• 29:31
  not
• 29:31
  fair
• 29:31
  that
• 29:32
  I
• 29:32
  felt
• 29:32
  I
• 29:32
  had
• 29:33
  to,
• 29:34
  but
• 29:34
  I
• 29:34
  don't
• 29:35
  need
• 29:35
  to
• 29:35
  anymore.
• 29:36
  Right.
• 29:38
  And
• 29:38
  so
• 29:38
  how
• 29:39
  do
• 29:39
  you
• 29:39
  work
• 29:39
  with
• 29:40
  people
• 29:40
  to
• 29:40
  help
• 29:40
  them?
• 29:42
  Because
• 29:42
  I
• 29:42
  mean,
• 29:43
  I
• 29:43
  know,
• 29:43
  I
• 29:44
  mean
• 29:44
  there's
• 29:44
  several
• 29:44
  different
• 29:45
  roles
• 29:45
  that
• 29:45
  people
• 29:45
  kind
• 29:46
  of
• 29:46
  adopt
• 29:46
  when
• 29:47
  they're
• 29:47
  going
• 29:47
  through
• 29:48
  out
• 29:48
  of
• 29:49
  survival,
• 29:49
  like
• 29:49
  you
• 29:49
  said.
• 29:50
  And
• 29:51
  those
• 29:51
  roles
• 29:52
  just
• 29:52
  become
• 29:52
  their
• 29:53
  identity.
• 29:53
  I
• 29:54
  mean
• 29:54
  they
• 29:54
  literally
• 29:54
  become
• 29:54
  who
• 29:55
  they
• 29:55
  are.
• 29:56
  How
• 29:56
  do
• 29:56
  you
• 29:56
  help
• 29:57
  people
• 29:57
  or
• 29:57
  how.
• 29:58
  What
• 29:58
  are
• 29:58
  some
• 29:58
  tips?
• 29:59
  Maybe
• 29:59
  little
• 29:59
  things
• 30:00
  people
• 30:00
  can
• 30:00
  start
• 30:00
  doing
• 30:01
  to
• 30:01
  start
• 30:02
  understanding
• 30:03
  that
• 30:03
  they
• 30:03
  can
• 30:04
  let
• 30:04
  go
• 30:04
  of
• 30:04
  them
• 30:05
  without
• 30:06
  losing
• 30:06
  who
• 30:06
  they
• 30:07
  are.
• 30:08
  Well,
• 30:09
  I
• 30:09
  will.
• 30:09
  One
• 30:09
  thing
• 30:09
  I
• 30:10
  Will
• 30:10
  say
• 30:10
  is
• 30:12
  people
• 30:12
  pleasing
• 30:13
  is
• 30:13
  not
• 30:14
  a
• 30:14
  character
• 30:15
  trait
• 30:16
  behavior.
• 30:18
  Right.
• 30:18
  And
• 30:19
  all
• 30:19
  behavior
• 30:20
  is
• 30:20
  driven.
• 30:20
  I
• 30:20
  mean,
• 30:20
  this
• 30:20
  is
• 30:21
  straight
• 30:21
  from
• 30:21
  like
• 30:21
  cognitive
• 30:22
  behavioral
• 30:22
  therapy.
• 30:23
  But
• 30:23
  all
• 30:23
  behavior
• 30:23
  is
• 30:24
  driven
• 30:24
  by
• 30:24
  a
• 30:24
  thought
• 30:25
  and
• 30:25
  a
• 30:25
  feeling.
• 30:26
  And
• 30:26
  some
• 30:26
  thoughts
• 30:27
  are
• 30:27
  rational
• 30:27
  and
• 30:28
  some
• 30:28
  are
• 30:28
  not
• 30:28
  helpful.
• 30:29
  Right.
• 30:29
  And
• 30:29
  then
• 30:30
  feelings,
• 30:30
  some
• 30:31
  can
• 30:31
  exist
• 30:31
  on
• 30:31
  the
• 30:31
  surface,
• 30:32
  like
• 30:32
  anger.
• 30:33
  We
• 30:33
  can
• 30:33
  see
• 30:33
  that.
• 30:33
  But
• 30:34
  really
• 30:34
  what's
• 30:34
  underneath
• 30:35
  that
• 30:35
  anger
• 30:35
  is
• 30:35
  sadness
• 30:36
  and
• 30:36
  hurt.
• 30:37
  So
• 30:38
  ultimately,
• 30:39
  like,
• 30:39
  the
• 30:40
  behaviors
• 30:40
  that
• 30:40
  we're
• 30:41
  displaying
• 30:42
  are
• 30:42
  always
• 30:42
  driven
• 30:43
  by
• 30:43
  something
• 30:43
  else
• 30:44
  and
• 30:45
  getting
• 30:45
  away
• 30:45
  from
• 30:46
  labels.
• 30:46
  Right.
• 30:47
  Of
• 30:48
  good
• 30:48
  versus
• 30:49
  bad,
• 30:50
  of,
• 30:51
  you
• 30:51
  know,
• 30:52
  people
• 30:52
  pleasing
• 30:53
  or
• 30:53
  lazy
• 30:54
  or,
• 30:54
  you
• 30:55
  know,
• 30:55
  I'm.
• 30:55
  I'm
• 30:56
  just
• 30:56
  this
• 30:56
  way.
• 30:57
  Insert
• 30:57
  label
• 30:58
  here.
• 30:58
  You
• 30:59
  know,
• 30:59
  that.
• 31:00
  That
• 31:00
  piece
• 31:00
  of
• 31:00
  things
• 31:01
  can.
• 31:01
  Can
• 31:01
  also
• 31:02
  be,
• 31:03
  you
• 31:03
  know,
• 31:03
  a
• 31:03
  helpful
• 31:04
  way
• 31:04
  of,
• 31:05
  you
• 31:05
  know,
• 31:05
  being
• 31:06
  curious
• 31:06
  instead
• 31:06
  of
• 31:07
  judgmental,
• 31:08
  of
• 31:08
  offering
• 31:09
  a
• 31:09
  little
• 31:10
  bit
• 31:10
  of
• 31:10
  space
• 31:11
  between
• 31:11
  whatever's
• 31:12
  happening
• 31:13
  that's
• 31:13
  triggering
• 31:13
  this
• 31:14
  underlying
• 31:14
  stuff
• 31:15
  and
• 31:15
  my
• 31:16
  re.
• 31:17
  And
• 31:17
  I
• 31:18
  think
• 31:18
  if
• 31:18
  I'm
• 31:18
  going
• 31:19
  to
• 31:19
  model,
• 31:19
  like,
• 31:19
  what
• 31:20
  grace
• 31:20
  is,
• 31:21
  it
• 31:21
  is
• 31:21
  really
• 31:21
  truly,
• 31:22
  I
• 31:22
  think,
• 31:22
  about
• 31:23
  meeting
• 31:23
  yourself
• 31:24
  where
• 31:24
  you're
• 31:24
  at.
• 31:25
  Right.
• 31:25
  So
• 31:25
  I,
• 31:26
  for
• 31:26
  example,
• 31:26
  I
• 31:26
  have
• 31:27
  so
• 31:27
  much
• 31:27
  respect
• 31:28
  for
• 31:29
  people's
• 31:30
  protective
• 31:31
  mechanisms.
• 31:32
  Yeah.
• 31:32
  It's
• 31:33
  not
• 31:33
  my
• 31:33
  job
• 31:33
  to
• 31:34
  expect
• 31:34
  you
• 31:34
  to
• 31:35
  open
• 31:35
  up
• 31:35
  the
• 31:35
  door
• 31:36
  and
• 31:36
  unlock.
• 31:37
  Is
• 31:38
  not
• 31:38
  my.
• 31:39
  In
• 31:39
  my
• 31:39
  wheelhouse
• 31:40
  to,
• 31:41
  you
• 31:41
  know,
• 31:41
  hey,
• 31:41
  let
• 31:42
  me
• 31:42
  in.
• 31:43
  No,
• 31:44
  maybe
• 31:44
  I'm
• 31:45
  waving
• 31:45
  to
• 31:45
  you
• 31:45
  right
• 31:45
  from
• 31:46
  the
• 31:46
  front
• 31:46
  gate
• 31:46
  and
• 31:46
  I'm
• 31:47
  just
• 31:47
  letting
• 31:47
  you
• 31:47
  know
• 31:47
  I'm
• 31:48
  here.
• 31:48
  And
• 31:48
  then
• 31:48
  slowly,
• 31:49
  you
• 31:49
  know,
• 31:49
  we're
• 31:50
  on
• 31:50
  the
• 31:50
  porch
• 31:50
  and
• 31:51
  sharing
• 31:51
  a
• 31:51
  cup
• 31:51
  of
• 31:52
  tea.
• 31:52
  You
• 31:52
  know,
• 31:52
  obviously
• 31:53
  all
• 31:53
  figurative
• 31:54
  here,
• 31:54
  but
• 31:55
  the
• 31:55
  protective
• 31:56
  mechanisms
• 31:57
  are
• 31:57
  there
• 31:57
  for
• 31:57
  a
• 31:57
  reason.
• 31:57
  They
• 31:58
  have
• 31:58
  kept
• 31:58
  you
• 31:58
  safe.
• 31:59
  They
• 31:59
  have
• 31:59
  provided
• 32:00
  you
• 32:00
  with
• 32:00
  things
• 32:00
  even
• 32:01
  if
• 32:01
  they're
• 32:02
  not
• 32:02
  healthy
• 32:02
  and
• 32:02
  even
• 32:03
  if
• 32:04
  they're
• 32:04
  not
• 32:04
  giving
• 32:04
  you
• 32:05
  the
• 32:05
  results
• 32:05
  that
• 32:06
  you
• 32:06
  want
• 32:06
  it.
• 32:07
  Want
• 32:07
  anymore.
• 32:08
  So
• 32:09
  meeting
• 32:09
  yourself
• 32:10
  where
• 32:10
  you're
• 32:11
  at,
• 32:11
  I
• 32:11
  think
• 32:11
  is
• 32:13
  really
• 32:13
  key
• 32:13
  as
• 32:13
  well.
• 32:14
  Oh,
• 32:14
  absolutely.
• 32:15
  And
• 32:15
  that.
• 32:16
  That's
• 32:16
  just
• 32:16
  giving
• 32:17
  yourself,
• 32:17
  like
• 32:17
  you
• 32:18
  said,
• 32:18
  the
• 32:18
  grace
• 32:18
  with
• 32:18
  every
• 32:19
  situation
• 32:20
  be.
• 32:20
  And
• 32:20
  just
• 32:21
  don't
• 32:21
  beat
• 32:22
  yourself
• 32:22
  up.
• 32:22
  You
• 32:22
  know,
• 32:23
  when
• 32:23
  you
• 32:23
  have
• 32:23
  the
• 32:23
  bad
• 32:24
  day.
• 32:24
  It's
• 32:25
  not.
• 32:25
  You're
• 32:25
  not
• 32:25
  stupid.
• 32:26
  You
• 32:26
  just.
• 32:27
  I
• 32:27
  made
• 32:27
  a
• 32:27
  mistake,
• 32:28
  and
• 32:28
  that's
• 32:28
  human
• 32:29
  and
• 32:29
  I
• 32:30
  love
• 32:30
  me
• 32:30
  anyway.
• 32:31
  You
• 32:31
  know,
• 32:31
  it's
• 32:32
  because.
• 32:33
  Yeah,
• 32:33
  that's.
• 32:33
  Those
• 32:34
  protective
• 32:34
  mechanisms
• 32:35
  are
• 32:35
  so
• 32:37
  deeply
• 32:37
  ingrained.
• 32:38
  All
• 32:38
  of.
• 32:39
  All
• 32:39
  of
• 32:39
  stuff
• 32:39
  that
• 32:39
  happens.
• 32:40
  I
• 32:40
  mean,
• 32:40
  I
• 32:41
  People.
• 32:42
  I
• 32:42
  give
• 32:42
  examples
• 32:43
  to
• 32:43
  people,
• 32:43
  or
• 32:43
  people
• 32:44
  will
• 32:44
  come
• 32:44
  up
• 32:44
  with
• 32:44
  examples
• 32:45
  as
• 32:45
  we
• 32:45
  go
• 32:45
  back
• 32:45
  through,
• 32:46
  like,
• 32:46
  a
• 32:46
  timeline
• 32:46
  of
• 32:47
  when
• 32:47
  things
• 32:47
  happen
• 32:48
  and
• 32:48
  why,
• 32:49
  where
• 32:49
  they
• 32:49
  might
• 32:50
  have
• 32:50
  started
• 32:50
  to
• 32:50
  feel
• 32:50
  like
• 32:51
  this.
• 32:51
  And
• 32:52
  they'll
• 32:52
  say,
• 32:53
  oh,
• 32:53
  my
• 32:54
  gosh,
• 32:54
  yeah,
• 32:54
  you
• 32:55
  know,
• 32:55
  when
• 32:55
  I
• 32:55
  was
• 32:55
  seven.
• 32:56
  But
• 32:56
  it
• 32:57
  was
• 32:57
  no.
• 32:57
  It
• 32:57
  was
• 32:57
  no
• 32:58
  big
• 32:58
  deal.
• 32:58
  And
• 32:58
  I
• 32:58
  said,
• 32:58
  when
• 32:59
  you
• 32:59
  were
• 32:59
  seven,
• 32:59
  everything
• 33:00
  Is
• 33:00
  big.
• 33:02
  Yeah.
• 33:02
  Everything
• 33:03
  is
• 33:03
  big
• 33:03
  when
• 33:03
  you're
• 33:04
  a
• 33:04
  child.
• 33:04
  Yeah.
• 33:04
  You
• 33:05
  look
• 33:05
  back
• 33:05
  at
• 33:05
  it
• 33:05
  now
• 33:05
  and
• 33:06
  you
• 33:06
  go,
• 33:06
  that
• 33:06
  was
• 33:06
  so
• 33:06
  stupid.
• 33:07
  That
• 33:07
  changed
• 33:07
  the
• 33:07
  way
• 33:07
  I
• 33:07
  look
• 33:08
  at
• 33:08
  the
• 33:08
  world.
• 33:09
  Well,
• 33:09
  yeah,
• 33:09
  back
• 33:09
  then
• 33:10
  when
• 33:10
  you
• 33:10
  weren't
• 33:10
  making
• 33:10
  your
• 33:11
  own
• 33:11
  decisions
• 33:11
  and
• 33:11
  you
• 33:12
  had
• 33:12
  one
• 33:12
  person
• 33:12
  to
• 33:13
  trust
• 33:13
  and
• 33:13
  that
• 33:14
  one
• 33:14
  person
• 33:14
  did
• 33:15
  you
• 33:15
  wrong.
• 33:16
  That
• 33:16
  was
• 33:16
  huge,
• 33:16
  my
• 33:17
  friend.
• 33:19
  Yeah.
• 33:20
  So
• 33:20
  I'm
• 33:20
  like
• 33:21
  you
• 33:21
  now.
• 33:21
  You
• 33:21
  have
• 33:21
  to
• 33:22
  learn
• 33:22
  to
• 33:22
  love
• 33:22
  on
• 33:23
  that.
• 33:23
  Like
• 33:23
  what?
• 33:23
  Like,
• 33:24
  again,
• 33:24
  like
• 33:24
  you
• 33:24
  said,
• 33:24
  what
• 33:25
  do
• 33:25
  you
• 33:25
  need
• 33:25
  right
• 33:26
  now?
• 33:26
  Like,
• 33:27
  what
• 33:27
  can
• 33:27
  you
• 33:28
  do
• 33:28
  for
• 33:28
  yourself
• 33:29
  right
• 33:29
  now?
• 33:31
  What
• 33:31
  are
• 33:31
  some
• 33:31
  other
• 33:32
  maybe
• 33:33
  strategies
• 33:34
  or
• 33:34
  things
• 33:34
  that
• 33:34
  people
• 33:34
  can
• 33:35
  do
• 33:35
  just
• 33:35
  to
• 33:35
  start
• 33:36
  to
• 33:36
  kind
• 33:36
  of
• 33:36
  loosen
• 33:37
  their.
• 33:37
  There.
• 33:38
  I
• 33:38
  want
• 33:38
  to
• 33:38
  get
• 33:38
  better
• 33:39
  vibes.
• 33:41
  You
• 33:41
  know,
• 33:41
  I.
• 33:42
  I
• 33:42
  really
• 33:42
  come
• 33:43
  back
• 33:43
  to
• 33:43
  incorporating
• 33:44
  some
• 33:44
  new
• 33:45
  learnings
• 33:45
  into
• 33:46
  things.
• 33:46
  Right.
• 33:47
  That
• 33:48
  emotions
• 33:49
  are
• 33:49
  not
• 33:49
  bad,
• 33:50
  really.
• 33:50
  Getting
• 33:50
  away
• 33:51
  from
• 33:51
  those
• 33:51
  labels.
• 33:52
  They're
• 33:52
  there
• 33:52
  for
• 33:53
  a
• 33:53
  reason.
• 33:54
  Everything
• 33:55
  is
• 33:55
  driven
• 33:55
  by,
• 33:56
  you
• 33:57
  know,
• 33:57
  deeper
• 33:58
  needs
• 33:58
  or
• 33:58
  drives.
• 33:59
  That's
• 34:00
  for
• 34:00
  all
• 34:00
  of
• 34:00
  us.
• 34:01
  I
• 34:01
  have
• 34:01
  these
• 34:02
  things
• 34:02
  about
• 34:02
  me,
• 34:02
  sure,
• 34:03
  maybe
• 34:03
  that
• 34:03
  aren't
• 34:03
  working,
• 34:04
  but
• 34:05
  they're
• 34:06
  there
• 34:06
  in
• 34:06
  place
• 34:06
  for
• 34:07
  a
• 34:07
  reason.
• 34:07
  I
• 34:07
  might
• 34:07
  want
• 34:08
  to
• 34:08
  make
• 34:08
  changes
• 34:08
  and
• 34:08
  I
• 34:09
  can.
• 34:09
  It
• 34:09
  doesn't
• 34:09
  have
• 34:10
  to
• 34:10
  be
• 34:10
  this
• 34:10
  way
• 34:10
  all
• 34:10
  the
• 34:11
  time.
• 34:11
  So
• 34:11
  maybe,
• 34:12
  you
• 34:12
  know,
• 34:12
  those
• 34:12
  learnings
• 34:13
  can
• 34:13
  become
• 34:13
  just
• 34:14
  new
• 34:15
  incorporations
• 34:15
  into
• 34:16
  the
• 34:16
  narrative.
• 34:16
  Is
• 34:16
  it
• 34:17
  always
• 34:17
  easy?
• 34:17
  No,
• 34:18
  because
• 34:18
  life
• 34:18
  is
• 34:19
  going
• 34:19
  to,
• 34:19
  you
• 34:20
  know,
• 34:20
  trigger
• 34:21
  us
• 34:22
  in
• 34:22
  terms
• 34:22
  of
• 34:22
  like,
• 34:23
  you
• 34:23
  know,
• 34:23
  strategies.
• 34:24
  I
• 34:24
  think
• 34:25
  what
• 34:25
  we
• 34:26
  can
• 34:26
  also
• 34:27
  incorporate
• 34:27
  is
• 34:28
  pausing
• 34:29
  before
• 34:29
  reacting.
• 34:31
  I
• 34:31
  don't.
• 34:32
  I
• 34:32
  get
• 34:33
  to
• 34:33
  choose
• 34:33
  what
• 34:33
  I
• 34:34
  want
• 34:34
  to
• 34:34
  do
• 34:34
  with
• 34:34
  this
• 34:35
  emotion.
• 34:35
  Sure.
• 34:36
  It's
• 34:36
  big.
• 34:36
  Sure.
• 34:37
  Absolutely.
• 34:39
  And
• 34:39
  I
• 34:39
  maybe
• 34:39
  want
• 34:40
  to
• 34:40
  react
• 34:40
  in
• 34:40
  a
• 34:40
  big
• 34:41
  way
• 34:41
  towards
• 34:41
  myself
• 34:42
  or
• 34:42
  to
• 34:42
  our.
• 34:42
  Toward
• 34:42
  others
• 34:43
  around
• 34:43
  me.
• 34:44
  But
• 34:44
  let
• 34:44
  me
• 34:44
  take
• 34:44
  some
• 34:45
  space,
• 34:45
  let
• 34:45
  me
• 34:45
  breathe
• 34:46
  through
• 34:46
  it.
• 34:46
  Which
• 34:47
  I'll
• 34:47
  be
• 34:47
  honest,
• 34:48
  for
• 34:48
  some
• 34:48
  de.
• 34:49
  You
• 34:49
  know,
• 34:49
  deep
• 34:49
  breathing
• 34:50
  can
• 34:50
  also
• 34:50
  be
• 34:50
  triggering
• 34:51
  if
• 34:51
  there's,
• 34:51
  you
• 34:52
  know,
• 34:52
  history
• 34:52
  of
• 34:54
  physical
• 34:55
  abuse
• 34:55
  or
• 34:55
  sexual
• 34:56
  assaults.
• 34:57
  That's
• 34:57
  not
• 34:57
  necessarily
• 34:58
  always
• 34:58
  going
• 34:58
  to
• 34:58
  work.
• 34:59
  So
• 34:59
  it.
• 34:59
  It
• 34:59
  is
• 34:59
  a
• 35:00
  matter
• 35:00
  of
• 35:00
  trying
• 35:00
  a
• 35:00
  few
• 35:01
  different
• 35:01
  things.
• 35:01
  Maybe
• 35:01
  it's
• 35:02
  journaling.
• 35:03
  Right.
• 35:03
  If
• 35:03
  there's
• 35:03
  things
• 35:03
  that
• 35:03
  you
• 35:04
  want
• 35:04
  to
• 35:04
  say
• 35:04
  and
• 35:04
  you
• 35:04
  want
• 35:05
  to
• 35:05
  lose
• 35:05
  it,
• 35:05
  write
• 35:06
  it
• 35:06
  down,
• 35:07
  put
• 35:07
  it
• 35:07
  somewhere.
• 35:08
  It
• 35:08
  needs
• 35:08
  to
• 35:08
  come
• 35:09
  out,
• 35:09
  needs
• 35:10
  to
• 35:10
  get
• 35:10
  out.
• 35:10
  Yep.
• 35:11
  Yeah.
• 35:12
  So,
• 35:13
  yeah,
• 35:13
  I
• 35:13
  think
• 35:14
  it's
• 35:14
  a
• 35:14
  matter
• 35:14
  of
• 35:15
  like,
• 35:16
  lowering
• 35:17
  the
• 35:17
  intensity
• 35:18
  of
• 35:18
  the
• 35:18
  emotion
• 35:18
  that
• 35:19
  you're
• 35:19
  experiencing.
• 35:19
  And
• 35:20
  then
• 35:20
  logic
• 35:21
  can
• 35:22
  be
• 35:22
  accessed.
• 35:23
  Then
• 35:23
  some
• 35:23
  of
• 35:23
  the
• 35:23
  deeper,
• 35:24
  like,
• 35:24
  oh,
• 35:24
  get
• 35:25
  curious
• 35:25
  with
• 35:25
  yourself
• 35:26
  can
• 35:26
  be
• 35:26
  accessible.
• 35:28
  So
• 35:28
  the
• 35:28
  initial
• 35:29
  pieces
• 35:29
  of
• 35:30
  things
• 35:30
  is
• 35:31
  going
• 35:31
  to
• 35:31
  make
• 35:31
  it,
• 35:32
  I
• 35:32
  think,
• 35:32
  a
• 35:32
  little
• 35:33
  bit
• 35:33
  easier.
• 35:34
  And
• 35:34
  then
• 35:34
  boundaries.
• 35:36
  Right,
• 35:36
  the
• 35:37
  B
• 35:37
  word.
• 35:38
  Yeah.
• 35:40
  And,
• 35:41
  you
• 35:41
  know,
• 35:42
  in
• 35:42
  terms
• 35:42
  of
• 35:42
  strategies
• 35:43
  there,
• 35:43
  I.
• 35:43
  I
• 35:44
  do
• 35:44
  believe
• 35:44
  that
• 35:45
  that
• 35:45
  comes
• 35:45
  from
• 35:46
  a
• 35:46
  little
• 35:46
  bit
• 35:47
  of
• 35:48
  aware,
• 35:48
  like
• 35:48
  more
• 35:49
  Awareness
• 35:49
  and
• 35:49
  thinking
• 35:50
  about
• 35:50
  what
• 35:50
  does
• 35:51
  it
• 35:51
  mean
• 35:51
  to
• 35:51
  have
• 35:51
  boundaries?
• 35:52
  Yeah,
• 35:52
  it'll.
• 35:54
  So
• 35:54
  I
• 35:54
  actually
• 35:55
  have
• 35:55
  a
• 35:55
  good
• 35:55
  metaphor
• 35:56
  that
• 35:56
  a
• 35:56
  lot
• 35:56
  of
• 35:56
  clients
• 35:57
  say
• 35:57
  they
• 35:57
  like,
• 35:57
  which
• 35:58
  I
• 35:58
  can
• 35:58
  share
• 35:58
  that
• 35:59
  one,
• 35:59
  if
• 36:00
  you
• 36:00
  would
• 36:00
  like.
• 36:03
  So,
• 36:03
  I
• 36:03
  mean,
• 36:03
  going
• 36:04
  back
• 36:04
  to
• 36:04
  what
• 36:04
  you
• 36:04
  said
• 36:04
  is
• 36:05
  that,
• 36:05
  you
• 36:05
  know,
• 36:05
  that
• 36:06
  idea
• 36:06
  of
• 36:06
  everything
• 36:06
  beginning
• 36:07
  within,
• 36:08
  you
• 36:08
  know,
• 36:08
  we
• 36:09
  belong
• 36:09
  to
• 36:09
  ourselves
• 36:10
  long
• 36:10
  before
• 36:11
  that
• 36:11
  we
• 36:12
  belong
• 36:12
  to
• 36:13
  others
• 36:13
  in
• 36:13
  our
• 36:13
  adult
• 36:14
  life.
• 36:14
  Right.
• 36:15
  And
• 36:15
  so
• 36:16
  if
• 36:16
  you
• 36:16
  consider
• 36:17
  that
• 36:17
  you
• 36:18
  are
• 36:18
  your
• 36:19
  home,
• 36:20
  that,
• 36:20
  you
• 36:21
  know,
• 36:22
  you
• 36:22
  get
• 36:23
  to
• 36:23
  decide
• 36:23
  in
• 36:23
  your
• 36:24
  physical
• 36:25
  home
• 36:25
  who
• 36:26
  comes
• 36:26
  in,
• 36:27
  who's
• 36:28
  somebody
• 36:28
  you
• 36:28
  wave
• 36:28
  to
• 36:29
  from
• 36:29
  the
• 36:29
  gate,
• 36:30
  and
• 36:30
  who
• 36:30
  is
• 36:30
  somebody
• 36:31
  that,
• 36:31
  yeah,
• 36:31
  you
• 36:31
  sit
• 36:32
  down,
• 36:32
  you
• 36:32
  have
• 36:32
  a
• 36:32
  cup
• 36:32
  of
• 36:32
  coffee
• 36:33
  or
• 36:33
  a
• 36:33
  cup
• 36:33
  of
• 36:33
  tea
• 36:33
  with.
• 36:34
  Right.
• 36:34
  How
• 36:34
  far
• 36:35
  they
• 36:35
  get
• 36:35
  to
• 36:35
  come
• 36:36
  into
• 36:36
  your
• 36:36
  home,
• 36:36
  how
• 36:36
  long
• 36:36
  they
• 36:37
  get
• 36:37
  to
• 36:37
  stay.
• 36:38
  What
• 36:38
  are
• 36:38
  some
• 36:38
  expectations
• 36:39
  that
• 36:40
  I
• 36:40
  have
• 36:40
  in
• 36:41
  my
• 36:41
  house
• 36:41
  for
• 36:41
  the
• 36:42
  behavior
• 36:42
  that's
• 36:42
  acceptable,
• 36:43
  for
• 36:43
  the
• 36:43
  way
• 36:44
  that
• 36:44
  I
• 36:44
  want
• 36:44
  to
• 36:45
  be
• 36:45
  treated?
• 36:45
  The
• 36:45
  vibe,
• 36:46
  the
• 36:46
  energy,
• 36:47
  you
• 36:47
  know,
• 36:47
  in
• 36:47
  the
• 36:47
  same
• 36:47
  way
• 36:47
  you
• 36:47
  get
• 36:47
  to
• 36:48
  pick
• 36:48
  the
• 36:48
  paint
• 36:48
  colors
• 36:49
  and
• 36:49
  what
• 36:49
  goes
• 36:49
  on
• 36:49
  the
• 36:49
  wall,
• 36:49
  what
• 36:50
  kind
• 36:50
  of
• 36:50
  pillows
• 36:50
  you
• 36:50
  buy,
• 36:51
  we
• 36:52
  get
• 36:52
  to
• 36:52
  decide
• 36:52
  what
• 36:53
  our
• 36:53
  internal
• 36:53
  experience
• 36:54
  is,
• 36:54
  what
• 36:54
  we're
• 36:54
  going
• 36:54
  to
• 36:55
  tolerate
• 36:55
  or
• 36:55
  not
• 36:55
  tolerate.
• 36:56
  So,
• 36:57
  you
• 36:57
  know,
• 36:57
  maybe
• 36:58
  not
• 36:58
  in
• 36:58
  a
• 36:58
  moment
• 36:59
  of
• 37:00
  emotional
• 37:01
  emotionality,
• 37:02
  but
• 37:03
  in
• 37:03
  those
• 37:03
  calmer
• 37:04
  moments,
• 37:04
  you
• 37:04
  know,
• 37:05
  if
• 37:05
  you
• 37:05
  have
• 37:05
  them
• 37:05
  when
• 37:05
  you're
• 37:06
  by
• 37:06
  yourself
• 37:06
  or
• 37:07
  at
• 37:07
  night,
• 37:07
  like,
• 37:08
  kind
• 37:08
  of
• 37:08
  getting
• 37:08
  curious
• 37:08
  about
• 37:09
  what
• 37:09
  do
• 37:09
  I
• 37:09
  want
• 37:10
  to
• 37:10
  feel
• 37:10
  like
• 37:10
  internally
• 37:11
  and.
• 37:12
  And
• 37:12
  how
• 37:12
  can
• 37:12
  I
• 37:12
  create
• 37:12
  that?
• 37:13
  Maybe
• 37:13
  it
• 37:13
  is
• 37:13
  a
• 37:14
  matter
• 37:14
  of,
• 37:14
  like,
• 37:14
  I'm
• 37:14
  not
• 37:15
  going
• 37:15
  to
• 37:15
  put
• 37:15
  up
• 37:15
  with
• 37:15
  somebody
• 37:16
  speaking
• 37:16
  to
• 37:16
  me
• 37:16
  this
• 37:16
  way
• 37:17
  anymore.
• 37:17
  Want
• 37:18
  practice
• 37:19
  of
• 37:19
  it?
• 37:20
  That's
• 37:20
  the
• 37:20
  hard
• 37:20
  part.
• 37:21
  Right.
• 37:21
  That's
• 37:21
  might
• 37:21
  be
• 37:22
  where,
• 37:22
  okay,
• 37:23
  I
• 37:23
  asked
• 37:23
  for
• 37:23
  some
• 37:23
  help.
• 37:24
  Yeah,
• 37:25
  absolutely.
• 37:26
  Because
• 37:26
  it's.
• 37:27
  It's
• 37:28
  hard
• 37:28
  when
• 37:28
  you
• 37:28
  first
• 37:28
  start,
• 37:29
  you
• 37:29
  know,
• 37:29
  I
• 37:29
  mean,
• 37:30
  and
• 37:30
  again,
• 37:30
  a
• 37:30
  lot
• 37:30
  of
• 37:30
  people
• 37:30
  don't
• 37:31
  even
• 37:31
  know
• 37:31
  they
• 37:31
  were
• 37:31
  in
• 37:31
  that
• 37:31
  situation.
• 37:32
  It
• 37:32
  was
• 37:33
  my
• 37:33
  friend
• 37:33
  that
• 37:34
  finally
• 37:34
  said
• 37:34
  to
• 37:34
  me
• 37:35
  after
• 37:35
  I
• 37:35
  was
• 37:35
  married
• 37:35
  for
• 37:35
  a
• 37:36
  year
• 37:36
  or
• 37:36
  so,
• 37:36
  you.
• 37:37
  She
• 37:37
  was
• 37:37
  like,
• 37:37
  you
• 37:37
  know,
• 37:37
  Tammy,
• 37:38
  people
• 37:38
  don't
• 37:39
  talk
• 37:39
  to
• 37:39
  people
• 37:40
  that
• 37:40
  they
• 37:40
  love
• 37:40
  like
• 37:40
  that.
• 37:41
  And
• 37:41
  I
• 37:42
  was
• 37:42
  like,
• 37:42
  oh,
• 37:42
  really?
• 37:42
  That's
• 37:43
  still.
• 37:43
  I
• 37:43
  mean,
• 37:43
  I
• 37:43
  just.
• 37:44
  Whatever.
• 37:45
  Like,
• 37:45
  it
• 37:45
  didn't
• 37:45
  bother
• 37:45
  me.
• 37:46
  Yeah,
• 37:46
  it
• 37:46
  hurt
• 37:46
  my
• 37:46
  feelings
• 37:46
  a
• 37:47
  little
• 37:47
  bit.
• 37:47
  It
• 37:47
  stung
• 37:47
  a
• 37:48
  little
• 37:48
  bit,
• 37:48
  but
• 37:48
  I
• 37:48
  was
• 37:48
  so
• 37:49
  used
• 37:49
  to
• 37:49
  it.
• 37:50
  And
• 37:50
  then
• 37:50
  she's
• 37:50
  like.
• 37:51
  And
• 37:51
  then
• 37:51
  when
• 37:51
  I
• 37:51
  started
• 37:52
  going
• 37:52
  to
• 37:52
  therapy
• 37:52
  more
• 37:53
  and
• 37:53
  more,
• 37:53
  and
• 37:53
  that's
• 37:53
  when
• 37:54
  they
• 37:54
  sat
• 37:54
  me
• 37:54
  down
• 37:54
  and
• 37:54
  they're
• 37:55
  like,
• 37:55
  okay,
• 37:55
  you
• 37:56
  need
• 37:56
  to
• 37:56
  figure
• 37:56
  out
• 37:57
  what
• 37:57
  your
• 37:57
  values
• 37:57
  are,
• 37:58
  what
• 37:58
  you
• 37:58
  stand
• 37:58
  for,
• 37:59
  what
• 37:59
  you're
• 37:59
  willing
• 37:59
  to
• 37:59
  tolerate,
• 38:00
  what
• 38:00
  you're
• 38:00
  willing
• 38:01
  to
• 38:01
  put
• 38:01
  up
• 38:01
  with,
• 38:02
  and
• 38:02
  what
• 38:02
  will
• 38:03
  get
• 38:03
  you
• 38:04
  peace.
• 38:04
  Like,
• 38:04
  she
• 38:04
  was
• 38:05
  like,
• 38:05
  what
• 38:05
  do
• 38:05
  you
• 38:05
  want
• 38:05
  I
• 38:05
  said
• 38:05
  I
• 38:06
  want
• 38:06
  just
• 38:06
  peace
• 38:06
  in
• 38:07
  my
• 38:07
  head
• 38:07
  and
• 38:07
  my
• 38:07
  body,
• 38:07
  in
• 38:08
  my
• 38:08
  mind
• 38:08
  and
• 38:08
  my
• 38:08
  soul,
• 38:09
  you
• 38:09
  know?
• 38:10
  Well,
• 38:10
  you're
• 38:11
  gonna
• 38:11
  have
• 38:11
  to
• 38:11
  set
• 38:11
  some
• 38:12
  boundaries.
• 38:13
  But,
• 38:13
  and
• 38:14
  it,
• 38:14
  and
• 38:14
  it
• 38:14
  is
• 38:14
  hard
• 38:15
  at
• 38:15
  first,
• 38:15
  but
• 38:15
  I
• 38:16
  tell
• 38:16
  people,
• 38:16
  start
• 38:16
  small,
• 38:17
  you
• 38:18
  know,
• 38:18
  go
• 38:18
  to
• 38:18
  a
• 38:18
  restaurant,
• 38:18
  order
• 38:19
  something
• 38:19
  you've.
• 38:19
  That's
• 38:20
  not
• 38:20
  on
• 38:20
  the
• 38:20
  menu.
• 38:21
  Like
• 38:21
  it's
• 38:21
  not
• 38:22
  going
• 38:22
  to
• 38:22
  be
• 38:22
  detrimental
• 38:23
  to
• 38:23
  your
• 38:23
  world
• 38:23
  if
• 38:23
  they
• 38:24
  say
• 38:24
  no,
• 38:24
  but
• 38:24
  just
• 38:25
  start
• 38:25
  practicing
• 38:26
  it.
• 38:26
  Start
• 38:26
  it.
• 38:26
  Start
• 38:27
  it
• 38:27
  being
• 38:27
  a
• 38:27
  muscle
• 38:28
  memory
• 38:28
  or
• 38:28
  a
• 38:29
  muscle
• 38:30
  reaction
• 38:30
  that
• 38:31
  if
• 38:31
  you
• 38:32
  want
• 38:32
  something
• 38:32
  you,
• 38:33
  you
• 38:33
  don't
• 38:34
  look
• 38:34
  around
• 38:34
  first
• 38:34
  to
• 38:35
  see
• 38:35
  who's
• 38:35
  going
• 38:35
  to
• 38:35
  get
• 38:35
  mad
• 38:36
  at
• 38:36
  you
• 38:36
  for
• 38:36
  saying
• 38:36
  you
• 38:36
  want
• 38:37
  it,
• 38:37
  you
• 38:37
  just
• 38:37
  say
• 38:37
  it.
• 38:38
  Like
• 38:38
  that
• 38:38
  takes
• 38:39
  a
• 38:39
  long
• 38:39
  time
• 38:40
  or
• 38:41
  like
• 38:41
  you
• 38:41
  said,
• 38:41
  the
• 38:42
  boundaries
• 38:42
  of
• 38:43
  somebody
• 38:44
  maybe
• 38:44
  not
• 38:44
  being
• 38:45
  able
• 38:45
  to
• 38:46
  come
• 38:46
  through
• 38:46
  your
• 38:46
  gate,
• 38:47
  as
• 38:47
  you
• 38:47
  put
• 38:48
  it.
• 38:48
  That's.
• 38:49
  And,
• 38:50
  and
• 38:50
  I
• 38:50
  like
• 38:51
  to
• 38:51
  say
• 38:51
  now,
• 38:51
  I
• 38:52
  mean
• 38:52
  we
• 38:52
  weren't,
• 38:52
  we
• 38:52
  were
• 38:53
  children
• 38:53
  when
• 38:53
  all
• 38:53
  of
• 38:54
  this
• 38:54
  happened,
• 38:54
  when
• 38:54
  all
• 38:54
  of
• 38:55
  these
• 38:55
  mindset
• 38:55
  things
• 38:55
  happened,
• 38:56
  when
• 38:56
  all
• 38:56
  of
• 38:56
  these,
• 38:57
  our
• 38:57
  lens
• 38:58
  was
• 38:58
  put
• 38:58
  on,
• 38:58
  on
• 38:59
  how
• 38:59
  we
• 38:59
  look
• 38:59
  at
• 38:59
  safety
• 39:00
  and,
• 39:00
  and
• 39:00
  fear
• 39:01
  and
• 39:01
  all
• 39:01
  of
• 39:01
  that.
• 39:02
  We
• 39:02
  were
• 39:02
  children.
• 39:03
  We
• 39:03
  didn't
• 39:03
  have
• 39:03
  a
• 39:04
  choice.
• 39:05
  Now
• 39:05
  we're
• 39:05
  grown
• 39:06
  ass
• 39:06
  adults
• 39:07
  and
• 39:07
  we
• 39:07
  can
• 39:08
  unapologetically
• 39:09
  say
• 39:10
  no.
• 39:12
  You
• 39:12
  know,
• 39:12
  here's
• 39:12
  another
• 39:13
  one
• 39:13
  that
• 39:13
  I
• 39:13
  think
• 39:13
  is,
• 39:14
  people
• 39:14
  often
• 39:15
  find
• 39:16
  helpful
• 39:17
  is
• 39:18
  if
• 39:18
  we
• 39:18
  externalize
• 39:19
  it
• 39:19
  a
• 39:19
  little
• 39:19
  bit.
• 39:20
  And,
• 39:20
  and
• 39:20
  granted
• 39:21
  none
• 39:21
  of
• 39:21
  this
• 39:21
  stuff
• 39:22
  is,
• 39:22
  it
• 39:22
  is
• 39:22
  going
• 39:23
  to
• 39:23
  work
• 39:23
  for
• 39:23
  everybody.
• 39:24
  Not,
• 39:24
  I
• 39:24
  mean,
• 39:24
  not
• 39:24
  all
• 39:24
  of
• 39:25
  this
• 39:25
  stuff
• 39:25
  is
• 39:25
  going
• 39:25
  to
• 39:25
  work
• 39:26
  for
• 39:26
  everybody
• 39:26
  is
• 39:26
  actually
• 39:27
  what
• 39:27
  I
• 39:27
  mean
• 39:27
  to
• 39:27
  say.
• 39:29
  So
• 39:29
  it
• 39:29
  is
• 39:29
  a
• 39:29
  matter
• 39:30
  of
• 39:30
  kind
• 39:30
  of
• 39:30
  trying
• 39:30
  things
• 39:31
  on
• 39:31
  and
• 39:31
  seeing
• 39:32
  how
• 39:32
  it
• 39:32
  feels
• 39:32
  a
• 39:33
  little
• 39:33
  bit.
• 39:33
  But
• 39:34
  if
• 39:34
  we
• 39:34
  externalize
• 39:35
  our
• 39:36
  stories
• 39:36
  a
• 39:36
  little
• 39:36
  bit,
• 39:37
  right?
• 39:37
  Where
• 39:38
  let's
• 39:38
  say
• 39:38
  it
• 39:39
  almost
• 39:39
  as
• 39:39
  if
• 39:39
  we're
• 39:40
  reading
• 39:40
  a
• 39:40
  book
• 39:40
  about
• 39:41
  somebody
• 39:41
  that
• 39:41
  lived
• 39:42
  our
• 39:42
  lives
• 39:42
  or
• 39:43
  watching
• 39:43
  a
• 39:43
  movie,
• 39:44
  right.
• 39:44
  Of
• 39:44
  a
• 39:44
  little
• 39:44
  girl
• 39:45
  or
• 39:45
  a
• 39:46
  little
• 39:46
  boy
• 39:47
  living
• 39:47
  through
• 39:48
  the
• 39:48
  things
• 39:48
  that
• 39:48
  we
• 39:49
  did.
• 39:49
  Right?
• 39:51
  What
• 39:51
  did
• 39:51
  they
• 39:51
  really,
• 39:52
  did
• 39:52
  they
• 39:52
  deserve
• 39:53
  that?
• 39:53
  Right?
• 39:54
  What
• 39:55
  did
• 39:55
  they
• 39:56
  really
• 39:56
  like
• 39:56
  need
• 39:57
  in
• 39:57
  that
• 39:57
  moment?
• 39:58
  How
• 39:58
  scared
• 39:59
  or
• 39:59
  how
• 39:59
  alone
• 39:59
  did
• 40:00
  they
• 40:00
  actually
• 40:00
  feel?
• 40:01
  Like
• 40:01
  who
• 40:01
  did
• 40:02
  they
• 40:02
  talk
• 40:02
  to?
• 40:03
  That
• 40:03
  little
• 40:04
  girl
• 40:04
  or
• 40:04
  that
• 40:05
  little
• 40:05
  boy
• 40:06
  is
• 40:06
  you.
• 40:07
  And
• 40:07
  if
• 40:07
  they
• 40:08
  deserved
• 40:08
  it
• 40:08
  and
• 40:09
  this
• 40:09
  person
• 40:09
  isn't
• 40:10
  you,
• 40:10
  like
• 40:10
  you
• 40:11
  deserve
• 40:11
  it
• 40:11
  too,
• 40:12
  you
• 40:12
  know,
• 40:13
  so
• 40:13
  that's
• 40:14
  another
• 40:15
  piece
• 40:15
  of
• 40:15
  things.
• 40:16
  And,
• 40:16
  and
• 40:16
  I
• 40:16
  want,
• 40:17
  I
• 40:17
  really
• 40:17
  want
• 40:17
  to
• 40:18
  say,
• 40:18
  you
• 40:18
  know,
• 40:18
  in
• 40:18
  terms
• 40:19
  of
• 40:19
  meeting
• 40:19
  yourself
• 40:19
  where
• 40:20
  you're
• 40:20
  at,
• 40:20
  because
• 40:21
  I
• 40:21
  want
• 40:21
  to,
• 40:21
  I,
• 40:21
  I'm
• 40:22
  very
• 40:22
  big
• 40:22
  on
• 40:22
  setting
• 40:22
  like,
• 40:23
  you
• 40:23
  know,
• 40:23
  realistic
• 40:24
  expectations
• 40:25
  is
• 40:25
  like,
• 40:26
  this
• 40:27
  isn't
• 40:27
  easy.
• 40:28
  It's
• 40:28
  not
• 40:29
  easy
• 40:29
  work.
• 40:29
  This
• 40:30
  stuff
• 40:30
  is
• 40:30
  really
• 40:30
  kind
• 40:31
  of,
• 40:31
  it's,
• 40:31
  it's
• 40:32
  in
• 40:32
  there
• 40:32
  and
• 40:32
  it's,
• 40:33
  it's
• 40:33
  some
• 40:34
  of
• 40:34
  it
• 40:34
  stands
• 40:34
  also
• 40:35
  for,
• 40:35
  like,
• 40:36
  if
• 40:36
  I
• 40:36
  just
• 40:36
  keep
• 40:36
  operating
• 40:37
  this
• 40:37
  way,
• 40:37
  I
• 40:38
  don't
• 40:38
  have
• 40:38
  to
• 40:38
  feel
• 40:39
  how
• 40:39
  much
• 40:39
  of
• 40:39
  an
• 40:40
  impact
• 40:40
  that
• 40:40
  really
• 40:40
  had.
• 40:42
  And
• 40:43
  so
• 40:45
  is
• 40:45
  it
• 40:45
  like,
• 40:45
  oh,
• 40:46
  try
• 40:46
  this
• 40:46
  thing
• 40:46
  and
• 40:46
  it's
• 40:47
  gonna
• 40:47
  be.
• 40:47
  You're
• 40:47
  gonna
• 40:47
  be
• 40:47
  good?
• 40:48
  Like,
• 40:49
  no,
• 40:49
  if
• 40:49
  anything,
• 40:50
  you're
• 40:50
  gonna
• 40:50
  start
• 40:50
  to
• 40:51
  open
• 40:51
  up
• 40:51
  Pandora's
• 40:52
  box
• 40:52
  a
• 40:52
  little
• 40:52
  bit.
• 40:53
  You
• 40:53
  know,
• 40:53
  you
• 40:54
  start
• 40:54
  to
• 40:54
  set
• 40:54
  boundaries.
• 40:55
  People
• 40:55
  in
• 40:55
  your
• 40:55
  life
• 40:55
  are
• 40:56
  used
• 40:56
  to
• 40:56
  you
• 40:56
  operating
• 40:57
  as
• 40:57
  the
• 40:57
  people
• 40:57
  pleaser,
• 40:58
  as
• 40:58
  the
• 40:58
  fixer,
• 40:59
  as
• 40:59
  the
• 40:59
  mediator,
• 40:59
  the
• 41:00
  parent.
• 41:01
  So
• 41:01
  they
• 41:02
  might
• 41:02
  not
• 41:02
  like
• 41:02
  it.
• 41:02
  And
• 41:03
  then
• 41:03
  we
• 41:03
  have
• 41:03
  to
• 41:03
  build
• 41:04
  tolerance
• 41:04
  around
• 41:05
  like
• 41:05
  having
• 41:05
  other
• 41:05
  people's,
• 41:06
  allowing
• 41:07
  other
• 41:07
  people
• 41:07
  to
• 41:07
  have
• 41:07
  their
• 41:07
  emotions
• 41:08
  without
• 41:09
  or
• 41:09
  without
• 41:09
  reacting
• 41:10
  to
• 41:10
  it,
• 41:11
  to
• 41:11
  hold
• 41:11
  someone
• 41:11
  accountable
• 41:12
  to
• 41:12
  their
• 41:12
  reactions
• 41:13
  as
• 41:13
  well
• 41:14
  and
• 41:14
  not
• 41:14
  feel
• 41:15
  guilty
• 41:15
  about
• 41:15
  that.
• 41:16
  So,
• 41:17
  you
• 41:17
  know,
• 41:18
  taking
• 41:19
  it.
• 41:20
  It's
• 41:20
  a,
• 41:20
  it's
• 41:20
  a,
• 41:21
  it's
• 41:21
  a
• 41:21
  process.
• 41:22
  It's,
• 41:22
  it's
• 41:22
  such
• 41:23
  a
• 41:23
  process.
• 41:23
  And
• 41:23
  the
• 41:23
  best
• 41:24
  advice
• 41:24
  I
• 41:24
  give
• 41:24
  people,
• 41:25
  I,
• 41:25
  Well,
• 41:25
  I
• 41:26
  like
• 41:26
  to
• 41:26
  give
• 41:26
  people
• 41:27
  is
• 41:28
  when
• 41:28
  you're
• 41:28
  going
• 41:28
  through
• 41:29
  this
• 41:29
  whole
• 41:29
  thing
• 41:29
  because
• 41:30
  we
• 41:30
  are
• 41:31
  our
• 41:31
  own
• 41:31
  worst
• 41:31
  critics.
• 41:32
  We
• 41:32
  are
• 41:32
  so
• 41:33
  rough
• 41:33
  on
• 41:33
  ourselves.
• 41:33
  And
• 41:34
  like
• 41:34
  you
• 41:34
  said,
• 41:34
  if
• 41:34
  you,
• 41:35
  if
• 41:35
  you
• 41:35
  could
• 41:35
  see
• 41:35
  yourself
• 41:36
  as
• 41:36
  that
• 41:36
  five
• 41:37
  year
• 41:37
  old,
• 41:39
  if
• 41:39
  you
• 41:39
  re.
• 41:39
  Could
• 41:40
  understand
• 41:40
  that
• 41:41
  that's
• 41:41
  that
• 41:41
  person
• 41:41
  you
• 41:42
  are
• 41:42
  now
• 41:42
  like
• 41:42
  and
• 41:43
  like
• 41:43
  you
• 41:43
  said
• 41:43
  and
• 41:43
  love
• 41:44
  on
• 41:44
  them.
• 41:44
  So
• 41:45
  I
• 41:45
  tell
• 41:45
  people,
• 41:45
  like,
• 41:45
  in
• 41:46
  every
• 41:46
  situation,
• 41:47
  treat
• 41:47
  yourself
• 41:47
  like
• 41:47
  your
• 41:48
  own
• 41:48
  best
• 41:48
  friend.
• 41:49
  When
• 41:49
  you
• 41:49
  do
• 41:50
  something
• 41:50
  wrong,
• 41:52
  think
• 41:52
  to
• 41:52
  yourself.
• 41:53
  Instead
• 41:53
  of
• 41:53
  being
• 41:53
  like,
• 41:54
  oh,
• 41:54
  Tammy,
• 41:54
  you're
• 41:54
  so
• 41:54
  stupid.
• 41:55
  Be
• 41:55
  like,
• 41:55
  Tammy,
• 41:56
  if
• 41:56
  your
• 41:56
  daughter
• 41:56
  did
• 41:57
  that,
• 41:57
  would
• 41:58
  you
• 41:58
  be
• 41:58
  angry?
• 42:00
  No,
• 42:00
  it
• 42:00
  was
• 42:01
  a
• 42:01
  mistake
• 42:01
  and
• 42:01
  you
• 42:01
  would
• 42:02
  get
• 42:02
  over
• 42:02
  it.
• 42:02
  So
• 42:02
  be
• 42:03
  that
• 42:03
  person
• 42:03
  to
• 42:04
  yourself.
• 42:04
  You
• 42:05
  know,
• 42:05
  treat
• 42:05
  yourself
• 42:06
  like
• 42:06
  someone
• 42:07
  you
• 42:07
  love.
• 42:07
  And
• 42:08
  eventually
• 42:08
  you'll
• 42:09
  be
• 42:09
  like,
• 42:09
  wow,
• 42:10
  I
• 42:10
  like
• 42:10
  her.
• 42:12
  I
• 42:12
  really
• 42:13
  like
• 42:13
  her.
• 42:14
  So
• 42:14
  I
• 42:15
  mean
• 42:15
  that's.
• 42:15
  Oh,
• 42:16
  it's
• 42:16
  such
• 42:16
  a
• 42:16
  process
• 42:16
  though.
• 42:17
  Wow,
• 42:17
  Alyssa,
• 42:18
  this
• 42:18
  is
• 42:18
  really
• 42:18
  fun.
• 42:19
  I
• 42:19
  could
• 42:19
  talk
• 42:20
  to
• 42:20
  you
• 42:20
  forever
• 42:20
  and
• 42:20
  ever,
• 42:21
  but
• 42:22
  I
• 42:22
  was
• 42:23
  like,
• 42:23
  just
• 42:23
  look
• 42:23
  down.
• 42:23
  I'm
• 42:24
  like,
• 42:24
  wow,
• 42:24
  it's
• 42:24
  been
• 42:24
  45
• 42:24
  minutes,
• 42:25
  we've
• 42:25
  been
• 42:25
  chit
• 42:25
  chatting.
• 42:25
  Oh,
• 42:26
  wow.
• 42:27
  If
• 42:27
  people
• 42:27
  want
• 42:28
  to
• 42:28
  work
• 42:28
  with
• 42:28
  you,
• 42:28
  want
• 42:29
  to
• 42:29
  find
• 42:29
  out
• 42:29
  more,
• 42:29
  where
• 42:30
  do
• 42:30
  they,
• 42:30
  where
• 42:30
  do
• 42:30
  they
• 42:30
  find
• 42:31
  you?
• 42:31
  Easiest
• 42:31
  place.
• 42:32
  Easiest
• 42:33
  place
• 42:33
  is
• 42:34
  definitely
• 42:34
  our
• 42:34
  website.
• 42:35
  That.
• 42:36
  That's
• 42:36
  going
• 42:36
  to
• 42:37
  be
• 42:37
  the
• 42:37
  place
• 42:37
  that
• 42:37
  is
• 42:38
  100%
• 42:38
  just
• 42:38
  routed
• 42:39
  directly
• 42:39
  to
• 42:39
  our
• 42:40
  practice.
• 42:40
  We
• 42:41
  are
• 42:41
  on
• 42:41
  Instagram
• 42:41
  and
• 42:41
  Facebook,
• 42:42
  but
• 42:43
  I'm,
• 42:44
  I
• 42:44
  am.
• 42:44
  Oh,
• 42:45
  somebody's
• 42:45
  always
• 42:45
  looking
• 42:45
  at
• 42:46
  the
• 42:46
  email,
• 42:46
  right?
• 42:47
  So
• 42:47
  in
• 42:47
  that
• 42:47
  sense,
• 42:48
  I
• 42:48
  mean,
• 42:48
  which
• 42:48
  is
• 42:48
  me.
• 42:49
  So
• 42:49
  in
• 42:49
  that
• 42:49
  sense,
• 42:49
  that
• 42:49
  is
• 42:50
  the
• 42:50
  best
• 42:50
  place
• 42:50
  to
• 42:50
  reach
• 42:50
  us.
• 42:51
  And
• 42:51
  our
• 42:51
  website
• 42:51
  is
• 42:52
  www.collive-therapy.com.
• 42:57
  yeah,
• 42:58
  we'll
• 42:58
  be
• 42:58
  happy
• 42:58
  to
• 42:58
  help.
• 42:59
  I
• 43:00
  love
• 43:00
  it.
• 43:00
  And
• 43:01
  you're
• 43:01
  not
• 43:01
  off
• 43:01
  the
• 43:02
  hook
• 43:02
  yet,
• 43:02
  though.
• 43:02
  I
• 43:02
  appreciate
• 43:03
  you
• 43:03
  coming.
• 43:03
  First
• 43:04
  of
• 43:04
  all,
• 43:04
  I
• 43:04
  got
• 43:04
  lots
• 43:05
  of
• 43:05
  little
• 43:05
  tips
• 43:05
  and
• 43:05
  tricks
• 43:06
  for
• 43:06
  people.
• 43:06
  That's
• 43:07
  what
• 43:07
  they're
• 43:07
  looking
• 43:07
  for.
• 43:08
  And
• 43:09
  if
• 43:09
  you
• 43:10
  could
• 43:10
  give
• 43:10
  somebody
• 43:11
  one
• 43:11
  word
• 43:12
  of
• 43:12
  wisdom
• 43:12
  or
• 43:12
  piece
• 43:13
  of
• 43:13
  advice
• 43:13
  or
• 43:13
  just
• 43:14
  something
• 43:14
  to
• 43:14
  make
• 43:14
  their
• 43:14
  day
• 43:15
  a
• 43:15
  little
• 43:15
  better
• 43:15
  today,
• 43:15
  what
• 43:16
  would
• 43:16
  it
• 43:16
  be?
• 43:18
  Give
• 43:19
  yourself
• 43:19
  permission
• 43:21
  to
• 43:21
  want
• 43:21
  something
• 43:22
  different.
• 43:25
  I
• 43:26
  love
• 43:26
  that.
• 43:28
  I
• 43:29
  love
• 43:29
  that.
• 43:30
  Give
• 43:30
  yourself
• 43:30
  permission
• 43:31
  to
• 43:31
  want
• 43:31
  something
• 43:32
  different.
• 43:33
  Absolutely.
• 43:34
  Thank
• 43:34
  you
• 43:34
  so
• 43:34
  much,
• 43:35
  Alyssa,
• 43:35
  for
• 43:35
  coming
• 43:35
  on.
• 43:36
  You're
• 43:36
  welcome.
• 43:37
  Thank
• 43:37
  you
• 43:37
  so
• 43:38
  much
• 43:38
  for
• 43:38
  having
• 43:38
  me.
• 43:38
  These
• 43:39
  conversations
• 43:39
  are
• 43:39
  so
• 43:40
  important,
• 43:41
  and
• 43:41
  they
• 43:41
  stand
• 43:42
  for,
• 43:42
  you
• 43:42
  know,
• 43:42
  really
• 43:43
  the
• 43:43
  love
• 43:44
  that
• 43:44
  we
• 43:44
  always
• 43:44
  deserved
• 43:45
  but
• 43:45
  maybe
• 43:45
  didn't
• 43:46
  get.
• 43:47
  So
• 43:47
  I'm
• 43:47
  happy
• 43:48
  to
• 43:48
  be
• 43:48
  part
• 43:48
  of
• 43:48
  this
• 43:48
  in
• 43:49
  any
• 43:49
  way
• 43:49
  I
• 43:49
  can.
• 43:50
  Well,
• 43:50
  I
• 43:50
  so
• 43:50
  appreciate
• 43:51
  it.
• 43:51
  And
• 43:51
  for
• 43:52
  everybody
• 43:52
  else
• 43:52
  out
• 43:52
  there
• 43:52
  listening,
• 43:53
  you
• 43:54
  heard
• 43:54
  it.
• 43:54
  Go
• 43:54
  to
• 43:55
  her
• 43:55
  website,
• 43:56
  check
• 43:56
  it
• 43:56
  out,
• 43:57
  and
• 43:57
  just
• 43:58
  know
• 43:58
  that
• 43:58
  you
• 43:59
  are
• 43:59
  worthy
• 44:00
  of
• 44:00
  all
• 44:00
  the
• 44:00
  love,
• 44:01
  whether
• 44:01
  you
• 44:01
  got
• 44:01
  it
• 44:02
  or
• 44:02
  not.
• 44:02
  As
• 44:02
  a
• 44:02
  kid,
• 44:02
  it
• 44:02
  doesn't
• 44:03
  matter.
• 44:03
  You
• 44:03
  can
• 44:03
  start
• 44:04
  to
• 44:04
  get
• 44:04
  it
• 44:04
  now.
• 44:04
  You
• 44:04
  can
• 44:05
  start
• 44:05
  to
• 44:05
  love
• 44:05
  yourself
• 44:05
  that
• 44:06
  way
• 44:06
  now.
• 44:07
  But
• 44:07
  you
• 44:07
  were
• 44:08
  always
• 44:08
  worthy,
• 44:08
  and
• 44:09
  you
• 44:09
  were
• 44:09
  always
• 44:09
  enough.
• 44:10
  And
• 44:10
  you're
• 44:10
  perfect
• 44:10
  just
• 44:11
  the
• 44:11
  way
• 44:11
  you
• 44:11
  are.
• 44:12
  So
• 44:12
  thank
• 44:12
  you
• 44:12
  all,
• 44:13
  and
• 44:13
  we
• 44:13
  will
• 44:13
  see
• 44:13
  you
• 44:14
  back
• 44:14
  next
• 44:14
  week.