Latest / The You Project / #1577 Passion, Purpose & Potential - Andrew May (PT2)

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#1577 Passion, Purpose & Potential - Andrew May (PT2) · The You Project

0:00
Speaker 1: A good a team. It's who else would it be? Hey?
0:03
Speaker 1: So this is the continuation of the conversation Tiff and
0:06
Speaker 1: I had with Andrew May yesterday. It was a ripper.
0:09
Speaker 1: He's a ripper. Enjoy the rest of the chat. Do
0:13
Speaker 1: you talk to groups and individuals about self awareness, other awareness,
0:22
Speaker 1: social awareness? If you do, what do you talk to
0:26
Speaker 1: them about and how do you open that door?
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Speaker 2: Yeah. George Angel back in nineteen seventy seven spoke about
0:33
Speaker 2: the biopsychosocial model. I think sometimes we come up with
0:37
Speaker 2: stuff and do things and think, hey, I'm onto something here,
0:39
Speaker 2: and then you find out this theory and I'll go, geez,
0:43
Speaker 2: someone else has thought about this. So if there's a
0:46
Speaker 2: model I give you, it is that. I think it's
0:49
Speaker 2: the whole human. So bio is your physiology and us
0:52
Speaker 2: a human and operating system, psychos thoughts and feelings and
0:56
Speaker 2: emotional and we've got to regularly do an iOS upgrade
0:59
Speaker 2: on our head, we need to do on our iPhones.
1:02
Speaker 2: And then that's social is no man, no woman is
1:04
Speaker 2: an island. So you look at relationships social, you also
1:08
Speaker 2: look at cultural that's massive. I find in sports, especially
1:13
Speaker 2: a lot of the contact sports union and League high
1:15
Speaker 2: in Pacific nations, like I could have the best toolkit
1:19
Speaker 2: in the world around psychology, and this is the mistake
1:21
Speaker 2: I think a lot of psychs make, or previously made
1:24
Speaker 2: when they're running corporit or sports programs. He'm a psych
1:27
Speaker 2: and it's about schema, and I've got all these tools
1:30
Speaker 2: head down. But I know a lot of players have
1:32
Speaker 2: more of a physical intelligence, so it's legs up or
1:36
Speaker 2: toes up, and then some are right in the middle.
1:39
Speaker 2: So answering your question of a long way, awareness is
1:42
Speaker 2: everything self awareness. And I've been deep on mindfulness the
1:47
Speaker 2: past twelve months. And if apparently mindfulness has been around
1:52
Speaker 2: a while, it's not new. Two and a half thousand
1:56
Speaker 2: years ago. The Japanese samurai, we're practicing mindfulness. You look
1:59
Speaker 2: at different is like the Yogis in India. We're doing
2:02
Speaker 2: a very similar time. And while you've got different cults,
2:04
Speaker 2: there's totally different parts of the world. And they didn't
2:07
Speaker 2: have a mobile phone. There was no Snapchat or Twitter
2:09
Speaker 2: or whatever it's called these days to share information that's
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Speaker 2: fascinating and Buddhism and the evolution of that as well.
2:15
Speaker 2: So there's multiple tribes and cultures that you know, a
2:19
Speaker 2: couple of thousand years ago were looking at this notion
2:21
Speaker 2: of being still and being present and hups men, women athletes,
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Speaker 2: corporate athletes, everyone in between.
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Speaker 1: I'm really bringing.
2:30
Speaker 2: A lot more around that mindfulness and that ability to
2:33
Speaker 2: be present in the moment without judgment, so to go
2:38
Speaker 2: higher order on out on anything. And then I used
2:40
Speaker 2: to do this, and a lot of that was probably
2:42
Speaker 2: the imposter syndrome was revving too high buck. I've got
2:45
Speaker 2: to show them what I know, or hey, I've worked
2:47
Speaker 2: with this athlete, or hey I did this. So now
2:49
Speaker 2: I just try and slower back, meet them where they are,
2:52
Speaker 2: and then I ask people like, where are you at?
2:56
Speaker 2: But the biggest challenge to mindfulness is distraction. And if
3:00
Speaker 2: you can get your kids, if you can get people
3:02
Speaker 2: that work for you, if you can get whole organizations
3:04
Speaker 2: to not be on the mobile phone first thing in
3:06
Speaker 2: the morning and not be on it at night. I
3:08
Speaker 2: think the average now is four hours and seventeen minutes
3:11
Speaker 2: a day that people are on their mother It's freaking crazy.
3:14
Speaker 2: So any athlete, and if I brought it out to performer,
3:18
Speaker 2: because performer is high performance athlete and someone who wants
3:22
Speaker 2: to perform in life. Any performer, I tell them now,
3:26
Speaker 2: the gold medal standard is ten minutes a day. So
3:28
Speaker 2: that research I was saying before six minutes in your
3:30
Speaker 2: mad minimum effective ten minutes from most people is totally
3:34
Speaker 2: in the sweet spot. So to grow self awareness, because
3:37
Speaker 2: we know there's two main benefits of mindfulness that samuraized
3:41
Speaker 2: didn't have the research. The Yogis didn't have the research.
3:43
Speaker 2: They just did it because it made them, what kept
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Speaker 2: them alive way back then. But the first branch of
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Speaker 2: mindfulness is exactly that. It's self awareness, and it's awareness
3:51
Speaker 2: on your thoughts, your feelings, your body and the environment
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Speaker 2: you're in. So just slowing down and dropping that intensity
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Speaker 2: to have that awareness. The second level, or the second
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Speaker 2: outcome on mindfulness is wisdom and insight, but I think
4:06
Speaker 2: that comes with a lot of years. So I am
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Speaker 2: big on mindfulness with any performer I work with now, mate,
4:14
Speaker 2: and then I'm sure you get the same tif you
4:16
Speaker 2: get the same with your clients. Yeah, I'm hearing what
4:18
Speaker 2: you're saying, Cham, but I'm so bloody busy.
4:21
Speaker 1: How do I do it?
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Speaker 2: Well, get off your phone for ten minutes and let's
4:24
Speaker 2: micro does mindfulness that you brush your teeth first thing
4:27
Speaker 2: in the morning takes two minutes. That rich person two minutes.
4:30
Speaker 2: So as you're brushing your teeth, just set a daily
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Speaker 2: intention today a great day looks like, or how am
4:35
Speaker 2: I going to show up today? While you're doing the
4:37
Speaker 2: teethy bags as you commute to work four or five minutes,
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Speaker 2: just drop down, turn off the radio, get off your
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Speaker 2: mobile phone, and just look around you and I have
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Speaker 2: some of the football's. Go fuck, bro, I'm doing that
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Speaker 2: mindfulness commute thing. And there's trees near I live. Yeah,
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Speaker 2: you know there's birds.
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Speaker 1: So you do it.
4:56
Speaker 2: Brushing your teeth for two minutes, five minutes in your commute.
4:59
Speaker 2: You add that up mindful eating. It's called mastication. Don't
5:03
Speaker 2: stuff up your constonance there, ladies and jentsmen. Masticating is
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Speaker 2: actually chewing your food. I'm a guzzler harp so like
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Speaker 2: I inhale food like it's sizzler or you know, last
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Speaker 2: flight to quantits and you've got to eat all the
5:15
Speaker 2: horse herbs.
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Speaker 1: So does that mean you're a big masticator? Is that
5:18
Speaker 1: what you're telling us?
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Speaker 2: I'm a massive masticator. I love masticating and and I
5:23
Speaker 2: go to town on it.
5:25
Speaker 1: Good. We're good for you carry on. She doesn't know
5:29
Speaker 1: what to do. Do you want to chime in at
5:32
Speaker 1: any stage?
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Speaker 3: That's good. I'm just going to sit in the backseat.
5:35
Speaker 2: You can edit that bit out, Tiff.
5:37
Speaker 1: But if you graduate like that, you got to tell him.
5:42
Speaker 2: So just slowing down your chewing for a couple of
5:45
Speaker 2: minutes and again harps you do this and it sounds
5:48
Speaker 2: so simple, and I really believe you've got a practice
5:52
Speaker 2: or at least try the stuff you're giving out, otherwise
5:54
Speaker 2: you're a bit of a pedler full of shit. And
5:56
Speaker 2: then the final one is you've got two ears in
5:58
Speaker 2: one mouth. And I learned this from the beautiful man
6:00
Speaker 2: Tony Grant to set up the Sydney University Coaching Psychology
6:04
Speaker 2: Unit and unfortunately passed away a few years ago from cancer.
6:07
Speaker 2: But Tiny used to say, you got two ears in
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Speaker 2: one mouth, and that's the balance you should have when
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Speaker 2: you're communicating. So stack that two minutes brushing your toothy fangs,
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Speaker 2: four or five minutes in your commute to work, just
6:18
Speaker 2: dropping in and being present around your thoughts, your feelings,
6:21
Speaker 2: your body, the environment. Do you realize there's birds? They
6:24
Speaker 2: put some trees up here. And then when you're chewing tiff.
6:27
Speaker 2: We'll just keep it at chewing. It's really like feeling
6:30
Speaker 2: the texture of the food and slowing down. And this
6:33
Speaker 2: is not new. They've been hearing this in cultures around
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Speaker 2: the world the thousands of years, and then just communicating
6:38
Speaker 2: and having that approach when you're with someone, Hey, how
6:41
Speaker 2: are you and listening and pausing. So it's pretty easy
6:44
Speaker 2: to stack ten minutes a day and get people to
6:47
Speaker 2: do a twenty one day challenge because this whole Hey,
6:49
Speaker 2: you do it for three months, which you really need
6:51
Speaker 2: for behavior change. It's a crock of shit to say
6:53
Speaker 2: make good break a hab it in twenty one days.
6:55
Speaker 2: It's not true. Three to four months is the real point.
6:58
Speaker 2: But give them a start three weeks, ten minutes a day.
7:01
Speaker 2: It's amazing when you see people have agency on this
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Speaker 2: and they do it. Totally change your self awareness. It
7:06
Speaker 2: was a very long answer to a pretty simple question.
7:09
Speaker 1: Hut going Yeah.
7:13
Speaker 3: I was going to say, the one of the challenges
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Speaker 3: I reckon today is on that that we're so used
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Speaker 3: to over complicating everything that it's too simple. Five or
7:21
Speaker 3: six years ago I did a three day meditation retreat
7:24
Speaker 3: and a silent retreat actually and weirdly didn't realize it
7:28
Speaker 3: was going to involve sixty seven hours a day of meditation.
7:33
Speaker 3: And it was amazing, but I remember kind of almost
7:36
Speaker 3: a bit of a frustration when they would teach us,
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Speaker 3: as Buddhists do that the walking meditation and it's mindfulness, right,
7:43
Speaker 3: but they's slow present walking and feeling your feet and
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Speaker 3: being like just and I was so because I'm so
7:53
Speaker 3: type AI. I'm like, this isn't doing anything, This isn't
7:56
Speaker 3: the thing, like, this is just walking? Why is this?
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Speaker 3: This can't be met a because we're so used to
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Speaker 3: science and data and all of the things that we
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Speaker 3: abandon it because it's too simple.
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Speaker 2: And moving meditation. There's some beautiful research around that, like
8:12
Speaker 2: going for a slow walk grounding. I've got Indigenous friends
8:16
Speaker 2: of Aboriginal friends from Darboy. They think it's hilarious that
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Speaker 2: they're white. Mate is traveling the world teaching people about grounding.
8:22
Speaker 2: My mate Lapey goes, you're a fraud, he said, Andy,
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Speaker 2: My college has been doing that for thousands of years.
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Speaker 1: He said.
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Speaker 2: I don't get paid to go to conferences to tell
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Speaker 2: people to take those shoes off, but the lessons have
8:32
Speaker 2: been there, Tiff. But we've just got so caught up
8:35
Speaker 2: hyper jack supercharged type A or your road runner syndrome.
8:40
Speaker 2: We are so bassed or so focused on success. And
8:45
Speaker 2: then you add my bile. Fine, I'll get to my
8:46
Speaker 2: hobby horse boys and girls, and just all this bullshit,
8:50
Speaker 2: click candy, impressing others, faux po, fear of other people's opinion,
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Speaker 2: and it just becomes a massive disease. And I think
8:58
Speaker 2: some people, then twenty years later, go what doing I've
9:00
Speaker 2: been doing everything to impress people that I don't really like.
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Speaker 2: I've got a car with seven seats that no one
9:05
Speaker 2: sits in. I've got a big house with all these
9:07
Speaker 2: rooms that no one visits. I'm a miserable, rich bastard
9:10
Speaker 2: because it's all been that external. Back to what I
9:13
Speaker 2: was saying before, that vision of success is winning, and
9:17
Speaker 2: it's more the Western definition of success, money, power, kudos,
9:21
Speaker 2: and there's nothing wrong with that. And as long as
9:24
Speaker 2: you get the end, add some pleasure, meaning and purpose,
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Speaker 2: And I think that's where we've got skewed tip that
9:29
Speaker 2: we've been brought into or sold. It's all about success
9:32
Speaker 2: with the collateral damage. So to me, absolutely, if I
9:36
Speaker 2: work with them, I work with some founders who are
9:38
Speaker 2: worth bees billions, but for them to not be a
9:43
Speaker 2: really rich asshole, they've also got to work on themselves
9:45
Speaker 2: because they're just like all of us. So it's a
9:47
Speaker 2: constant work on it really is. And you can't download this,
9:51
Speaker 2: and I think that's the other thing. We want the pill,
9:53
Speaker 2: the potion, the bottle of the lotion, but you've got
9:55
Speaker 2: to do the reps in sets. So that's why I
9:57
Speaker 2: love that practical ten minutes a day, and I can
10:01
Speaker 2: knock you out with the research. I don't give you
10:02
Speaker 2: papers and everything else, but I think, I think, and
10:05
Speaker 2: I'm interested in your thoughts. HAPs I'm adding more science
10:09
Speaker 2: than I used to, for sure, but I think enough
10:12
Speaker 2: to get the skeptics on board. And then it's you
10:14
Speaker 2: don't need any more science, because a coping mechanism or
10:20
Speaker 2: a form of avoidance is intellectualization, where you want more data,
10:24
Speaker 2: more facts. And sometimes I'll say to someone, you've got
10:26
Speaker 2: enough data. They've been doing mindfulness for two and a
10:29
Speaker 2: half years, two and a half thousand years. Just fucking
10:31
Speaker 2: do it ten minutes a day for twenty one days.
10:33
Speaker 2: Come back and then tell me what your data says.
10:36
Speaker 2: Then I can give you more data.
10:39
Speaker 1: I think there's a couple of things, like, as you were,
10:42
Speaker 1: it was all great. By the way, I was thinking
10:44
Speaker 1: two things. One is about success, one is about consciousness.
10:48
Speaker 1: And first thing, I want to start with consciousness. And
10:51
Speaker 1: I feel like it's very easy in twenty twenty four
10:56
Speaker 1: to live unconsciously, and that is basically, to get up
10:59
Speaker 1: today and do what you did. Yet today, even though
11:01
Speaker 1: yesterday wasn't a good day, wasn't very productive. I didn't
11:04
Speaker 1: make good choices. I didn't look after my body, I
11:07
Speaker 1: didn't look after my brain, I didn't look after my relationships.
11:10
Speaker 1: But fuck it, that's what I'm doing again today. So
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Speaker 1: to live like genuinely, to live a conscious, intentional life
11:20
Speaker 1: when we can easily default into a version of Groundhog Day,
11:27
Speaker 1: requires awareness and courage and effort and energy and consistency.
11:34
Speaker 1: It's like everybody loves the idea of having a fit, strong, lean,
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Speaker 1: functional body, but almost nobody will do the work consistently.
11:43
Speaker 1: So the theory versus the practical process. And I think,
11:49
Speaker 1: like I've spoken about this before, but if I say
11:52
Speaker 1: to people all the time, In fact, I said this
11:54
Speaker 1: to someone this week earlier this week, it's Friday night,
11:59
Speaker 1: as we record I was talking to a dude and
12:02
Speaker 1: I said to him, I want you to We're talking
12:05
Speaker 1: about Portsy, which is on the Potinula here in Victoria.
12:08
Speaker 1: I said, I want you to picture this. So I'm
12:10
Speaker 1: giving you a block of land at Portsy. You're looking
12:12
Speaker 1: at the ocean, and I'm giving you five million bucks
12:15
Speaker 1: to build a house that you want on the block
12:17
Speaker 1: that's looking at the ocean. I said, when are you
12:20
Speaker 1: going to So you've got let's say, you've got counsel
12:23
Speaker 1: of proof. We can build whatever you want. But here's
12:24
Speaker 1: all the dough When are you going to start building?
12:28
Speaker 1: And he said, well, And then we went through the
12:30
Speaker 1: list of things that he would have to do to
12:32
Speaker 1: build this house, the house that he wants to be in,
12:35
Speaker 1: you know, landscaping and architecture and fittings and furnishings and
12:39
Speaker 1: colors and like the myriad of things that you would
12:43
Speaker 1: have to do and plan and strategize and execute to
12:45
Speaker 1: build a house that you want to live in, to
12:48
Speaker 1: consciously create something that's a place that you want to inhabit. Right,
12:54
Speaker 1: And then I said, what's more important? Your life or
12:56
Speaker 1: your house? Is? Like? Well, my life, I go, why
12:59
Speaker 1: aren't you doing that? Forel life right? Why? And the
13:02
Speaker 1: thing is that so many of us are literally in
13:05
Speaker 1: this unconscious repetition that doesn't fucking work, right, But we
13:11
Speaker 1: won't own up and step up, because once you're in
13:14
Speaker 1: the momentum of that operating system, that's a three out
13:19
Speaker 1: of ten. You know, that river that you're in the
13:22
Speaker 1: flow of, You've got to now swim to the side
13:24
Speaker 1: of the river, which is hard, get out of the
13:27
Speaker 1: fucking river, which is hard to find a level of
13:30
Speaker 1: awareness and perspective because now I'm on the ground looking
13:34
Speaker 1: at the river, and I can't be objective about the
13:37
Speaker 1: thing I'm in the middle of. My long winded point
13:41
Speaker 1: is that I think some people live this unconscious, unintended
13:46
Speaker 1: existence while simultaneously going how did my life end up
13:50
Speaker 1: like this?
13:51
Speaker 3: Right?
13:52
Speaker 1: And then they wake up and go, oh fuck, I'm
13:55
Speaker 1: fifty this wasn't my plan. And then I would I
14:01
Speaker 1: would say to them, can I see the plan? And
14:05
Speaker 1: they're like, what, I go, you said that this wasn't
14:07
Speaker 1: your plan. Where is the plan? They don't have a
14:10
Speaker 1: fucking plan. They just had an idea of how things
14:14
Speaker 1: would eventuate, you know, So yeahs.
14:19
Speaker 2: On that one go one that story. As you built
14:23
Speaker 2: up with I know the punchline so true. You look
14:27
Speaker 2: at the amount of time people spend on a home
14:30
Speaker 2: renovation or a built Why because I want to have
14:33
Speaker 2: a great house. How long are you going to be
14:35
Speaker 2: in that house for at least five or ten years
14:38
Speaker 2: until Margaret and I get the kids out or jamber
14:43
Speaker 2: a right, So you're going to spend all this time.
14:45
Speaker 2: So it's a great analogy. Second is a question for you,
14:50
Speaker 2: how do you get the balance to tip people over?
14:53
Speaker 2: Because effectively, what the three of us will work with
14:56
Speaker 2: people around is getting them out of the level of
14:59
Speaker 2: this comfort that's comfortable, meaning people are comfortable being uncomfortable.
15:04
Speaker 2: I'm carrying five to maybe eight kilograms too much. My
15:09
Speaker 2: cognitive recall is not great, but I'm still functioning at work.
15:14
Speaker 2: I'm getting on okay with my kids in the family,
15:16
Speaker 2: but not great. So it's not horrible, but it's not wonderful.
15:19
Speaker 2: And then they just get stuck. As you said in
15:21
Speaker 2: Groundhole Day. So I talk about you get comfortable being uncomfortable,
15:26
Speaker 2: how do you dislodge that? Because one of the hardest
15:29
Speaker 2: things is raising awareness. Because if someone comes to me
15:31
Speaker 2: or you and says the wife or the hubby's about
15:34
Speaker 2: to leave me? How serious are they? This happened to
15:36
Speaker 2: me last year. She's got the spare car reversed in
15:39
Speaker 2: the garage, knows out bags in the back for her
15:42
Speaker 2: and the kids to go to a parents' house or
15:44
Speaker 2: to go to a motel. So serious. So this guy,
15:47
Speaker 2: his backside was burning and it wasn't just a bunch
15:50
Speaker 2: and burner on his backside, it was two bututane burners. Yeah,
15:53
Speaker 2: so if I had someone like that, or I'll often
15:56
Speaker 2: get an executive who's one level from CEO and they've
16:01
Speaker 2: been told you're really competent in your domain, mastery of
16:04
Speaker 2: the industry, you're an asshole or under stress, you crumple
16:09
Speaker 2: and you don't know how to perform in itself, reaking,
16:11
Speaker 2: like do you want to become CEO? Absolutely, they're in
16:13
Speaker 2: your pocket. So when you've got people who are really
16:15
Speaker 2: uncomfortable and then the outcome there's fire.
16:20
Speaker 1: Ahead, then they're going to get change. They're really compliant.
16:24
Speaker 2: So back to my question, that middle ground is hard,
16:27
Speaker 2: So I'm curious how do you raise awareness on that?
16:30
Speaker 1: Yeah? So, I mean I can't change anyone but me. Obviously.
16:35
Speaker 1: The only life I've ever changed is mine. I've influenced
16:38
Speaker 1: a people a few lives and inspired a few people.
16:41
Speaker 1: But like I am very much about, you know, taking
16:46
Speaker 1: the horse to water, and I'm which is for me,
16:49
Speaker 1: about opening the door on awareness and understanding of how
16:52
Speaker 1: this stuff works. But nearly every time I do a presentation,
16:58
Speaker 1: at some stage, I will say here's the good and
17:02
Speaker 1: bad of today. The good is there's a whole bunch
17:05
Speaker 1: of interesting and potentially transformational ideas and theories and strategies
17:11
Speaker 1: and tools and resources that you can use. The bad
17:16
Speaker 1: or the con is that I'm just a bloke up
17:21
Speaker 1: the front sharing theory. Like I care that you enjoy
17:25
Speaker 1: today and get something out of today, and hopefully you
17:28
Speaker 1: like me because I'm insecure and hopefully it's a good experience.
17:32
Speaker 1: But what I really care about is that after today
17:35
Speaker 1: you will do stuff that will change your life, because
17:38
Speaker 1: life's not a theory, and so for me and I
17:42
Speaker 1: like to bring to people's attention the reason that maybe
17:49
Speaker 1: they are not changing, and also even to say, you know,
17:53
Speaker 1: guess what. This is maybe uncomfortable, but in a minute,
17:57
Speaker 1: you're going to be five years older, and on your
17:59
Speaker 1: current rejectory, your life is going to be shit and
18:02
Speaker 1: you know that, and your body's going to be worse,
18:05
Speaker 1: and your relationships are going to be worse, your brain's
18:07
Speaker 1: going to be worse, your outcomes are going to be worse.
18:10
Speaker 1: Based on what you've told me now, is that what
18:14
Speaker 1: you want?
18:14
Speaker 2: Will know?
18:15
Speaker 1: Well, you're not going to accidentally like but at some
18:19
Speaker 1: stage you've got to go. But all I am. All
18:21
Speaker 1: I can do is inspire, in form, educate, here you want,
18:24
Speaker 1: love you, support you, But I can't fucking do anything
18:28
Speaker 1: for you like you. I can't get out of bed
18:31
Speaker 1: for you. I can't be inspired for you. I can't
18:34
Speaker 1: do hard work for you. I can't be resilient for you.
18:38
Speaker 1: What has to fucking happen before you do it? And
18:42
Speaker 1: they're like, what, I go, tell me what needs to
18:45
Speaker 1: happen for you to actually stop fucking around? And sometimes
18:50
Speaker 1: that sometimes, and I've had people tell me ten years later,
18:55
Speaker 1: remember that when you gave me the tough love, you
18:57
Speaker 1: fucking scared the shit out of me, or you in
18:59
Speaker 1: what ever. But even then they were the one that
19:03
Speaker 1: still went and did the work Because I honestly, in
19:07
Speaker 1: this sounds I don't mean this to sound bad, but
19:10
Speaker 1: I get to the point where I almost can't be
19:12
Speaker 1: fucked with some people because I go, dude, this is
19:16
Speaker 1: we've had this conversation. I can't tell you anything new.
19:20
Speaker 1: Like often it's friends who have asked me one hundred
19:23
Speaker 1: times how to get in shape, Like I'm not fucking
19:27
Speaker 1: telling you.
19:27
Speaker 2: The problem with friends is there your friends and they
19:30
Speaker 2: know you really well and they just harps. Is just
19:34
Speaker 2: tiff if there's no exchange, whether it's money or there's
19:38
Speaker 2: got to be some exchange or as with a friend
19:39
Speaker 2: you're helping.
19:41
Speaker 1: Yeah, even with this show mate, I've had people send
19:45
Speaker 1: me messages going you or typ changed my life and
19:49
Speaker 1: I write back and I go, that's super kind of you,
19:51
Speaker 1: but you're wrong, but thank you. I understand and appreciate
19:54
Speaker 1: the sentiment. But thousands of people listen to that same
19:59
Speaker 1: episode that you hurt and they did fuck all And
20:02
Speaker 1: that's also not my fault, you know.
20:05
Speaker 2: Just so stages of change. There's a great mind, yea
20:09
Speaker 2: procesca theoretical model.
20:12
Speaker 3: Love it.
20:13
Speaker 1: It comes down to, I mean, as again cliche, but
20:18
Speaker 1: are people really ready to do the work? You know,
20:21
Speaker 1: and because otherwise it's just maybe interesting information. And that
20:26
Speaker 1: the thing is that, like I believe that there are
20:30
Speaker 1: many variables, but I believe the number one variable with
20:32
Speaker 1: this that really stops most people is just the practical
20:36
Speaker 1: reality that the thing that they need to do is
20:38
Speaker 1: hard the end, and people don't like hard. People like
20:43
Speaker 1: the outcome. We want the doing hard, but they don't
20:46
Speaker 1: want the fucking work, which is why ozen pic exists,
20:50
Speaker 1: which is why pills powders fucking rapid this two minute
20:54
Speaker 1: that right, And so people want the result without the work,
20:59
Speaker 1: that destination without the journey, And that's why that shit
21:02
Speaker 1: sells because fucking giddy up, I can there's a shortcut.
21:07
Speaker 1: There's a hack, but there isn't like the actually doesn't.
21:12
Speaker 2: Twitally hear the word hack. You know, you go out
21:14
Speaker 2: all weekend, drink what you want, take copious amounts of
21:16
Speaker 2: other stuff. There's eat shitty food, and then Monday morning,
21:19
Speaker 2: have a nice bath and do a hack. Something that
21:22
Speaker 2: we've added in the last eighteen months that's been a
21:25
Speaker 2: big shift in behavior change to our corporate programs is
21:28
Speaker 2: doing a diagnostic. And we've had to really refine it
21:33
Speaker 2: because when we first did it, we are over complicated.
21:35
Speaker 2: We have three simple diagnostics, one which is around energy
21:40
Speaker 2: and we call that a Lift Life Score and the
21:42
Speaker 2: Live Life Score. We measure biological age and also a
21:45
Speaker 2: mental fitness gauge takes four minutes and is integrated with
21:48
Speaker 2: wearable tech. Now, so we can have a group had
21:50
Speaker 2: just done a big, big group of specsavers around Australia
21:53
Speaker 2: in New Zealand, so we had eighty percent of them
21:55
Speaker 2: did in the score. So then I get in the room.
21:58
Speaker 2: They know their biological age, they know their mental fitness gauge,
22:01
Speaker 2: and I could just go right, here's where you are,
22:03
Speaker 2: so suspend whether you like me, whether you think I'm
22:06
Speaker 2: the shiny head banging on with shit up the front. Whatever.
22:09
Speaker 2: Science says your biological age is shit, What are you
22:13
Speaker 2: going to do about it? Science says mental fitness gauge
22:18
Speaker 2: or whether it's psychological detachment or whatever we're talking about,
22:20
Speaker 2: is horrible. What are you going to do about it?
22:22
Speaker 2: And we do similar for mental skills, and we do
22:24
Speaker 2: similar now for leadership capacity. That's been a game changer, yes,
22:29
Speaker 2: because it creates that cognitive dissonance. But here's the hard thing.
22:32
Speaker 2: When you're doing a podcast, people aren't filling out a
22:34
Speaker 2: questionnaire or a diagnostic to let you know where they are.
22:37
Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, exactly I wanted to. We touched a little
22:44
Speaker 1: bit on, you know, the story of success, like we
22:48
Speaker 1: all have a story, and you were talking about the
22:51
Speaker 1: billionaires that you didn't say this, but my take is there.
22:55
Speaker 1: You know, they're kind of financially rich, but sometimes emotionally, psychologically,
23:00
Speaker 1: spiritually bankrupt. And so there's there's the I guess, there's
23:07
Speaker 1: the the picture of or the practicality of success, but
23:13
Speaker 1: not always the experience. You know. It's like, I remember
23:19
Speaker 1: when I've told this story too much, but I was
23:21
Speaker 1: at a stage in my life when I was financially
23:25
Speaker 1: doing great. I had multiple businesses and staff, and I
23:28
Speaker 1: was killing it. And from the outside looking in it
23:30
Speaker 1: was razzle dazzle, but the inside out because I wasn't
23:34
Speaker 1: looking after me and I was just quite at that
23:36
Speaker 1: point in my life one dimensional, and you know, and
23:41
Speaker 1: like my experience in the middle of this successful picture
23:46
Speaker 1: was anything but success. Right, how do we kind of
23:50
Speaker 1: navigate that? How do you navigate that with people? Because
23:54
Speaker 1: and I'll shut up after this, but I guess in
23:56
Speaker 1: our culture, success is really about what people can see.
24:01
Speaker 1: You know, what you have, what you earn, what you own,
24:03
Speaker 1: what you look like, what you drive, what people think you,
24:05
Speaker 1: your brand, your bank balance, oh your shit, like no
24:09
Speaker 1: one goes. I'll look at that guy living in that
24:11
Speaker 1: one bedroom flat driving the twenty five year old car.
24:14
Speaker 1: He's really calm with a pet. So successful. Yeah, yeah,
24:20
Speaker 1: like it. Success is all about things, but in reality
24:25
Speaker 1: at ain't. How do you navigate that with people?
24:29
Speaker 2: It's not either or, it's and right, it's the dichotomy.
24:33
Speaker 2: And well, one guy I work with very very successful
24:40
Speaker 2: from an external demand.
24:42
Speaker 1: And then you'd be like this. You meet some of these.
24:44
Speaker 2: Business people, you've read about them or you know of them,
24:47
Speaker 2: and then you meet them and you realize the reality
24:48
Speaker 2: is they're just like the three of us. They have
24:50
Speaker 2: fears and phobias and just they're really good in some
24:54
Speaker 2: areas of their life. I think you can have it both,
24:57
Speaker 2: but you've got to do the work. So your analogy
24:58
Speaker 2: of the house is beautiful. Hear me on a podcast
25:00
Speaker 2: saying that, like it was my.
25:02
Speaker 1: Own one day.
25:04
Speaker 2: I will always I will always reference, I always reference.
25:08
Speaker 2: I teach people now that you can have both. So
25:12
Speaker 2: it's getting into success external and there's nothing wrong with
25:16
Speaker 2: having stuff. And there's some research on this.
25:19
Speaker 1: Todd Cash Dan not Kardashian.
25:21
Speaker 2: There's no credibility with that surname on research, But Todd
25:25
Speaker 2: cash Dan looks at the difference between the good life
25:28
Speaker 2: and the goods life. So the goods life is about
25:31
Speaker 2: that our money and success.
25:34
Speaker 1: I love that. Tifts jotting that down like a little
25:36
Speaker 1: bloody high performance. No taker, that is that is good? Yeah,
25:40
Speaker 1: write that down, to it down, and.
25:43
Speaker 2: The good life is pleasure, meaning and purpose. My story harps,
25:48
Speaker 2: you know my story. I got to just before forty
25:51
Speaker 2: and I've been so focused on the extern all that
25:54
Speaker 2: I'd won multiple state championships as an athlete, went to
25:58
Speaker 2: the Institute of Sport, done well at school, built a business,
26:02
Speaker 2: had good relationships, and then went through a marriage breakdown
26:05
Speaker 2: with a grandfather called Patty Flynn, rich Irish family tradition
26:09
Speaker 2: on my mother's side. Mum and dad still together, and
26:12
Speaker 2: I was so focused on what everyone thought of me,
26:15
Speaker 2: had a chronic case of FOPO that I wasn't tending
26:17
Speaker 2: my own garden, caught a relationship in reality, whenever any
26:21
Speaker 2: marriage breaks down, the reality is somewhere in between. But
26:24
Speaker 2: I was so focused on working with sporting teams, building
26:28
Speaker 2: a business that I wasn't focused on the marriage, and
26:30
Speaker 2: then I had eighteen months functioning depressed, where I was
26:33
Speaker 2: walking around like I was carrying a metaphorical cross because
26:36
Speaker 2: I was so worried, so concerned what everyone thought of me.
26:41
Speaker 2: But the reality is everyone just gives a fuck about
26:43
Speaker 2: themselves and how you go and mate okay, and they
26:45
Speaker 2: move on to their staff. I learned the hard way personally,
26:49
Speaker 2: and they've been It's just so it's a gift to
26:53
Speaker 2: work with the sort of people we do. So you
26:55
Speaker 2: get to work with all domains, all different types of
26:59
Speaker 2: career and codes, and I just I don't say now
27:04
Speaker 2: success is just because someone's title. I think success one
27:07
Speaker 2: of my best mates. He's one of the most successful
27:10
Speaker 2: people I know. He's probably at a job two levels
27:13
Speaker 2: below what he can do, but he's a connected Dad's
27:15
Speaker 2: got a good marriage, he's healthy and fitness. He's best
27:17
Speaker 2: mate you could ever have. He's always there. So it's
27:20
Speaker 2: that juxtaposition between success and also looking at fulfillment, and
27:26
Speaker 2: I really do think he can have both. But it's
27:29
Speaker 2: bloody hard because you've got to work. Like the P
27:33
Speaker 2: word purpose, A lot of people want to purpose. Now
27:36
Speaker 2: they go off and do a course, I listen to
27:38
Speaker 2: a podcast. It takes months to craft a purpose that
27:42
Speaker 2: has meaning for you and mean we know the purpose
27:45
Speaker 2: has got to be future focused. All the research shows
27:48
Speaker 2: it's future focused. It's got to be more than you,
27:51
Speaker 2: so it's about others and it's got to excite to
27:52
Speaker 2: live in daylights out of you. And the research further
27:55
Speaker 2: on purpose shows people with a clearly articulated purpose one
27:58
Speaker 2: live longer, unce back from resilience and through they're going
28:01
Speaker 2: to earn more money. So you listen to all that
28:03
Speaker 2: and go why would I not have a clearly articulated purpose?
28:06
Speaker 2: But you ask so many people what's your purpose? Harps
28:09
Speaker 2: and they're working for a big company. Our purpose is
28:12
Speaker 2: to increase return for our shareholders and stakeholders and positively
28:15
Speaker 2: contribute to the community and having thy Fuck, that's your
28:19
Speaker 2: company's purpose. So back to the original question, we don't
28:23
Speaker 2: spend enough time looking at the dance between the two.
28:29
Speaker 2: How do you have both? And your house analogy is beautiful,
28:33
Speaker 2: but you've got to do as much planning and work
28:35
Speaker 2: on you as a human. What do you want to
28:37
Speaker 2: be like? What is your experience like with others? Good? Bad,
28:40
Speaker 2: are and different? What do you want it to be
28:41
Speaker 2: like sorry to If I knew you were going to
28:43
Speaker 2: come in with a beautiful, poignant statement, then.
28:45
Speaker 3: I was going to ask you, Andrew, do you think
28:48
Speaker 3: we find our purpose? Or do you think our purpose
28:51
Speaker 3: finds us? Do you think you're looking if people come
28:55
Speaker 3: and say, help me find my purpose? Do you think
28:58
Speaker 3: the art of looking for your purpose will be a
29:01
Speaker 3: roadblock to you actually connecting with your purpose?
29:04
Speaker 2: Jeez, that's a deep question. Can you put some music
29:08
Speaker 2: when you're producing this? Like some spiritual might just do.
29:12
Speaker 3: A bit of singing in the background while you fish.
29:18
Speaker 1: It's trying to buy some time. Willy figures out a
29:20
Speaker 1: fucking decent sounding answer. I'm on the edge of my
29:23
Speaker 1: see too. Come on, so I can feel the imports
29:26
Speaker 1: running rampant crazy.
29:28
Speaker 2: Put some crazy gypsy music. Now, I think you teacher,
29:36
Speaker 2: here's my thoughts. There's no research to back this up.
29:38
Speaker 2: I reckon people want to go deeper on purpose when
29:41
Speaker 2: they've got other stuff going pretty well. I don't think
29:45
Speaker 2: someone eighteen nineteen, early twenties really cares much about purpose.
29:49
Speaker 2: They want a job. They probably want to get together
29:52
Speaker 2: with someone else and then we'll have a bit of fun.
29:54
Speaker 2: In their life. I find a lot of people tiff
29:56
Speaker 2: around that mid forties to early fifties when they've got
29:59
Speaker 2: a bit experience, may have a family, may not, but
30:02
Speaker 2: it's I am probably at the halfway point or I'm
30:04
Speaker 2: just beyond fuck.
30:06
Speaker 1: What is this about?
30:08
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's all been about that external building, the car,
30:12
Speaker 2: the trophy. As I mentioned before, seats in the car,
30:16
Speaker 2: no one now sits in rooms that no one visits.
30:18
Speaker 2: There's got to be more to this. So my experience
30:22
Speaker 2: is that it tends to happen more around that mid
30:25
Speaker 2: forties when we've got a bit of experience in the tank.
30:28
Speaker 2: Pretty rare that i'd work with, especially an athlete who's
30:31
Speaker 2: in their early twenties who would have a really clearly
30:33
Speaker 2: articulated purpose. There's one or two a couple of athletes
30:39
Speaker 2: I work with. I won't mention the names because I
30:41
Speaker 2: work with them one on one and I'm doing some
30:43
Speaker 2: work with some of them about this, and I don't
30:44
Speaker 2: have permission. But I can name that.
30:46
Speaker 1: On one hand, Yeah, do you think that you know
30:51
Speaker 1: that old kind of that that nugget of people who
30:54
Speaker 1: get to the top of the mountain realize they've climbed
30:57
Speaker 1: the wrong mountain. You know, it's like, oh, fuck, this
31:00
Speaker 1: is not the mountain, you know, because I think sometimes
31:05
Speaker 1: we succeed, but the thing that we thought would happen,
31:11
Speaker 1: or that we would feel or experience or be in
31:14
Speaker 1: the middle of emotionally, psychologically, spiritually, it ain't there. And
31:18
Speaker 1: you're like, fuck, because I had a story that when
31:20
Speaker 1: I arrived at this place, this would be my experience,
31:25
Speaker 1: you know, and it's and I think are really easy
31:29
Speaker 1: to understand. One for people is and Tif's probably done this.
31:32
Speaker 1: I'm sure you've done it, Andrew. I've worked with hundreds
31:37
Speaker 1: of people that I took from really out of shape
31:39
Speaker 1: to really in shape, and very few of them were
31:43
Speaker 1: happy when they got there, like or content Like. Very
31:47
Speaker 1: few of them got to the point. I mean they
31:49
Speaker 1: were happier, and they were healthier, of course, but the
31:52
Speaker 1: amount of people who would go, oh just one more kilo,
31:56
Speaker 1: I just just two more kilos, just one more dress
31:59
Speaker 1: size or pant size, or like that experience or state
32:05
Speaker 1: of being truly content, I mean truly I am where
32:11
Speaker 1: I want to be. I don't need any more. I
32:14
Speaker 1: don't need to be lighter, I don't need to be leaner,
32:15
Speaker 1: I don't need to be richer. I don't need more attention.
32:19
Speaker 1: I don't need you to tell me I'm amazing. I
32:21
Speaker 1: don't need more accolades. I don't even know if that's
32:25
Speaker 1: almost possible.
32:27
Speaker 2: There's a really interesting experiment that's going to happen in
32:29
Speaker 2: twenty four maybe it's twenty three days from today, called
32:32
Speaker 2: the Paris Olympics, and there's going to be so many
32:36
Speaker 2: young men and women and this is all they've wanted
32:39
Speaker 2: from a young age. I want to be an Olympian,
32:41
Speaker 2: and then the five rings, whether it's tattooed on your
32:44
Speaker 2: shoulder or metaphorically, it's tattooed as an Olympian. So this
32:47
Speaker 2: is that external performance based identity. I've worked with so
32:51
Speaker 2: many people, mate, who've gone to the Olympics, who've gone
32:53
Speaker 2: to the World Champs, who've achieved insert in a sporting environment,
32:58
Speaker 2: and then they come back and they go, fuck, it
33:03
Speaker 2: feels empty now. And it feels empty for a couple
33:06
Speaker 2: of reasons. One is there was nothing to replace that.
33:10
Speaker 2: It was a journey that put an arrow in the
33:13
Speaker 2: dartboard and when that's where I'm getting to, and that's
33:16
Speaker 2: what it's all about. Now, there's some merit in that
33:18
Speaker 2: because to be world class in anything, you know this,
33:21
Speaker 2: you've got to be massively unbalanced. If I have a
33:23
Speaker 2: young man young woman come and meet me and say, hey,
33:26
Speaker 2: I want to represent the country, I want to be
33:29
Speaker 2: the best musician, actor, whatever it is, but I want
33:33
Speaker 2: to have a bower's life. I have laughed at them.
33:35
Speaker 2: I do that gypsy laugh I was doing before. We've
33:37
Speaker 2: seen that that's not going to happen. If you want
33:39
Speaker 2: to be world class, you've got to be fucking unbalanced
33:42
Speaker 2: for a decade or two. Then just make sure you
33:46
Speaker 2: don't blow everything up so much that the collateral damage
33:49
Speaker 2: is still repairable with relationships and well being. And I
33:52
Speaker 2: can run with you on that. And what I like
33:54
Speaker 2: about that is your being up front and letting them
33:57
Speaker 2: know you're not going to go to the partners. If
33:58
Speaker 2: you have a relationship, you go I have someone who
34:01
Speaker 2: actually is very attuned to your needs. That's a classic example, mate,
34:06
Speaker 2: that post Olympic depression. There's even a term for it. Now.
34:09
Speaker 2: I'm not saying that people are actually clinically depressed, but
34:11
Speaker 2: there's a real dip in their mood months after the Olympics.
34:15
Speaker 2: Why because it's that whole identity is I perform, therefore
34:19
Speaker 2: I am and in one of the areas I'm so
34:22
Speaker 2: passionate about is just dipping it in a little bit.
34:24
Speaker 2: So even in the pre season with the Seagulls, I
34:26
Speaker 2: actually did a session on self identity. So the fact
34:28
Speaker 2: that I'm working with NRL players in the off season
34:31
Speaker 2: and it's totally outdated, as you know in AFL saying
34:34
Speaker 2: they're all book heads and idiots and just drink and
34:37
Speaker 2: sort of party. That notion has gone out decades ago.
34:39
Speaker 2: There are late athletes. But we started to talk about
34:42
Speaker 2: self awareness and we're just dipping it in. So I
34:44
Speaker 2: had a couple of players come up and say, can
34:46
Speaker 2: I have a bit more about that? So it was
34:47
Speaker 2: a light touch and back to the question TIF, I
34:52
Speaker 2: think the teacher appears on purpose when the student is
34:54
Speaker 2: ready as well as so. I'd done courses, I'd read
34:59
Speaker 2: books on purpose, I'd listen to people. I was at
35:02
Speaker 2: KPMG mid forties, earning a fortune, and I was empty.
35:07
Speaker 1: It was crazy.
35:08
Speaker 2: I was earning more money than I could ever imagine.
35:10
Speaker 2: It was off at a global role which was hundreds
35:13
Speaker 2: and hundreds of thousands more than I was even on
35:15
Speaker 2: and I just pulled the pin and people thought I
35:17
Speaker 2: was an idiot. But the reason why harps is I thought, no,
35:20
Speaker 2: I'm not contributing. I don't actually feel like I'm making
35:24
Speaker 2: a difference to people's lives. And I've got full respect
35:26
Speaker 2: for KPMG. Still work with a bunch of the very
35:29
Speaker 2: senior leaders, still do some consulting for them. But I
35:32
Speaker 2: just didn't be on a pay packet where for me
35:34
Speaker 2: success was driving revenue.
35:37
Speaker 1: It was about impact. I would add one thing which
35:42
Speaker 1: is not instead of but as well as and I
35:45
Speaker 1: think people get a little anxious over because they don't
35:48
Speaker 1: know what their purpose is, so then they just find
35:51
Speaker 1: a new thing to worry about. I would say to
35:54
Speaker 1: you listeners that in my experience, you might not have
35:59
Speaker 1: a single purpose. You might have many, or you might
36:02
Speaker 1: have a few. It doesn't need to be a single thing. Right.
36:04
Speaker 1: My job is I've got to fucking feed the homeless.
36:08
Speaker 1: Maybe maybe that's part of what you do, but also
36:10
Speaker 1: your purpose will evolve and change over time, perhaps like
36:16
Speaker 1: there was a time for me where a big part
36:18
Speaker 1: of my purpose was helping people get physically well and
36:22
Speaker 1: educating and inspiring people to like live their best lifestyle
36:26
Speaker 1: and embrace all of that. You know, it was very
36:28
Speaker 1: much around physiology. And but for me, that part of
36:31
Speaker 1: my life or that that that purpose had it used
36:35
Speaker 1: by date, just like milk and bread has a use
36:38
Speaker 1: by date. You know, So you know, what might be
36:41
Speaker 1: your focus, or what blows your mind, or what meets
36:44
Speaker 1: your needs, or what gives you joy, or what stretches
36:47
Speaker 1: you or grows you. It might be different in five years,
36:52
Speaker 1: so you know. And also another kind of I guess
36:57
Speaker 1: piece of advice is that you like when you hear's
37:00
Speaker 1: somebody like Andrew talking about purpose, you don't need to
37:03
Speaker 1: figure this out by lunchtime tomorrow. This is there's no urgency,
37:09
Speaker 1: you know, And I think the idea of just opening
37:12
Speaker 1: the door and like gently walking through the door and
37:16
Speaker 1: start to think about living a life with more purpose,
37:20
Speaker 1: whatever that means for you. And by the way, there's
37:22
Speaker 1: no it doesn't fucking matter what it is. It only
37:25
Speaker 1: matters to you. It doesn't matter to me or Tip
37:27
Speaker 1: or Andrew. And also you know, just living that as
37:32
Speaker 1: we spoke about, you know, everyone's going to wake up
37:34
Speaker 1: in a minute and we're five years older. And so
37:37
Speaker 1: in order to inhabit that five year life, that we
37:40
Speaker 1: would love to that five year later life. You know
37:45
Speaker 1: that's really a big part of that is dependent on
37:47
Speaker 1: what we do now or what we do moving forward
37:50
Speaker 1: from now. You know that, Hohle, this wasn't my plan. Well,
37:55
Speaker 1: if you don't have a plan, you're definitely not going
37:57
Speaker 1: to go where you would like to know. So I
38:00
Speaker 1: think that I'll step down off my bloody high horse now.
38:03
Speaker 1: But I just think that that giving people permission Andrew
38:06
Speaker 1: also to not need to figure this out in the
38:10
Speaker 1: next ten minutes. But at the same time, don't put
38:14
Speaker 1: it in the bottom drawer and think it's just going
38:16
Speaker 1: to fucking sort itself out, because that too, is a
38:18
Speaker 1: bad idea. I'll jump on your high horse.
38:22
Speaker 2: And when I have someone who's or if I'm in
38:26
Speaker 2: a group and the brief is, can you talk to
38:29
Speaker 2: this executive team and we want you to cover purpose,
38:32
Speaker 2: I'll run out and say what I've told you. For
38:34
Speaker 2: the research shows, bang bang, bang, A purpose has to
38:37
Speaker 2: be bigger than you. Excite the living daylights out of you,
38:40
Speaker 2: and be future focused. All the data on that. However,
38:44
Speaker 2: right here, right now, if you're tired and fatigued, if
38:48
Speaker 2: you're really distracted and you don't have time to put
38:50
Speaker 2: into this. Don't freaking go there. It's just going to
38:53
Speaker 2: stress you out. And you're almost see a collective. So
38:57
Speaker 2: you mean I don't need a purpose? No, no, no,
38:58
Speaker 2: it's just not the right time now. So when you've
39:00
Speaker 2: got more time, more energy, more attention in this set
39:03
Speaker 2: into going deeper, Well what do I do now? Champ
39:07
Speaker 2: makes sure you've got some meaning, some fun, some pleasure,
39:11
Speaker 2: some joy in your life and supplement and and I
39:14
Speaker 2: see people go because life can be tough. We've had COVID.
39:19
Speaker 2: There's ups and downs in relationships and work and everything else.
39:23
Speaker 2: Here's what I've learned from having four kids. Number one, Fuck,
39:26
Speaker 2: they're expansive. I think that's it. That's really the story
39:32
Speaker 2: I've learned from kids. My kids play and the two
39:36
Speaker 2: little girls, Sophia's four, Millie is two.
39:39
Speaker 1: But she keeps on me, I'm not a baby. You're
39:40
Speaker 1: a baby. She got my smartest gene harps.
39:43
Speaker 2: They play, They have play dough, play dates, play school,
39:46
Speaker 2: play time, play lunch every single day and often look
39:49
Speaker 2: at adults and what do we do? We do meetings
39:52
Speaker 2: And that's where the story ends. So what I've learned
39:55
Speaker 2: through my gorgeous little kids and my bigger kids. Is
39:58
Speaker 2: build some fun and some frivolity and play into a situation.
40:02
Speaker 2: And I find this. I've just had a couple of
40:04
Speaker 2: really busy weeks. I just make sure to have some fun.
40:07
Speaker 2: Whether it's with the kids. It could be fitness, play
40:09
Speaker 2: tiff like you know you're there, you're not full on
40:12
Speaker 2: smashing into someone, but you're just grappling, doing a bit
40:14
Speaker 2: of wrestling, just having a bit of fun with it.
40:17
Speaker 2: Or it could be you know, I love a swim
40:18
Speaker 2: in the ocean or a surf. So people listening to
40:21
Speaker 2: this Harps is on the money. Don't go to purpose
40:26
Speaker 2: if you're not ready, But don't use that as an
40:28
Speaker 2: excuse for not having a bit of fun and a
40:30
Speaker 2: bit of pleasure, a bit off join your life, because,
40:33
Speaker 2: as you say, you wake up on five years older
40:34
Speaker 2: and go, yeah, that was pretty shitty boring five years
40:38
Speaker 2: And I've seen this too much and so few harps.
40:40
Speaker 2: It's that you climb the mountain and you have a miserable,
40:44
Speaker 2: boring bastard when you get there.
40:46
Speaker 1: You know, if we're going to buy a car, the
40:49
Speaker 1: second hand car, there's this thing that everyone does is
40:53
Speaker 1: you take it either you take it or the person
40:55
Speaker 1: who's selling it takes it to a mechanic who's going
40:59
Speaker 1: to climb all over it and see what's working and
41:01
Speaker 1: what's not working. You know, you kind of do an assessment.
41:05
Speaker 1: It needs this, it needs that. That's no good. That's
41:08
Speaker 1: bad for the car. We need a new tie there.
41:10
Speaker 1: We need to fix that fucking head gasket because it's
41:13
Speaker 1: leaking oil. Blah blah blah. Right, And I think we
41:16
Speaker 1: can draw an analogy on our life is that. I
41:19
Speaker 1: think if you're not sure on your purpose, or you
41:21
Speaker 1: don't have clarity about absolute clarity about where you want
41:25
Speaker 1: to be in one, two, five years, I think a
41:28
Speaker 1: really good starting point is to do a roadworthy on
41:31
Speaker 1: your life, is to kind of put it up on
41:33
Speaker 1: the hoist and go, let me have a look at
41:36
Speaker 1: my life. What's my current operating system. What am I
41:41
Speaker 1: investing time and energy and focus in. What are my
41:45
Speaker 1: results telling me? What kind of outcomes am I producing
41:48
Speaker 1: with my body, with my health, with my career, with
41:52
Speaker 1: my relationships, with my projects, with my academic pursuits, with
41:56
Speaker 1: my you know, maintaining my cognitive function. What am I doing?
42:00
Speaker 1: Like I'm sixty years old, Am I doing anything that's
42:04
Speaker 1: going to make my brain work better when I'm sixty five?
42:06
Speaker 1: Would I like it to work better? Well? If so,
42:09
Speaker 1: what the fuck am I doing? By the way, I'm
42:12
Speaker 1: fifteen kilos overweight, I'm morbidly obese. I'm not trying to
42:15
Speaker 1: be disrespectful here anyone, but forget what I look like.
42:19
Speaker 1: But just do I want to be healthier? Yes?
42:21
Speaker 3: I do?
42:21
Speaker 1: Cool? What are you currently doing? And so I think
42:24
Speaker 1: it is requires courage, but to be able to kind
42:28
Speaker 1: of you know that e myth concept of not working
42:31
Speaker 1: in the business but on the business. And it's like,
42:33
Speaker 1: it's very hard to be objective about me because I'm me,
42:38
Speaker 1: so sometimes what's important And I've spoken about this story
42:42
Speaker 1: many times. I won't bore everyone. But when I was
42:45
Speaker 1: about thirty five, I hit the pause button on my
42:47
Speaker 1: life and I went away for ten days and spent
42:49
Speaker 1: them alone because I literally wanted to figure out what
42:52
Speaker 1: the fuck I was doing with my life. Even though
42:55
Speaker 1: I was successful in inverted commas, I didn't feel it.
42:59
Speaker 1: And so for me, stepping back from my day to
43:01
Speaker 1: day and the people I interacted with and my roles
43:04
Speaker 1: and responsibilities and the gym that I went to every
43:06
Speaker 1: day with the same bloke and trained at and the
43:09
Speaker 1: you know, I just went to a different place. I
43:11
Speaker 1: didn't talk to anyone. But what that distance, that metaphoric
43:15
Speaker 1: and geographic distance gave me was a level of insight
43:18
Speaker 1: and perspective and awareness that I couldn't get in the
43:22
Speaker 1: middle of the day to day. So I think, my
43:25
Speaker 1: long winded, fucking point is if your life, your results,
43:30
Speaker 1: your outcomes, your health, your lifestyle, your relationships, your mindset
43:35
Speaker 1: is not working in inverted commas, whatever that means, then
43:39
Speaker 1: start to try to put your life up on the
43:43
Speaker 1: hoist to get a perspective, an awareness, and insight into
43:47
Speaker 1: what you currently can't what's working, what's not working. Start
43:51
Speaker 1: with those questions. This is where that convergence divergence comes
43:54
Speaker 1: back in. As you say that I can't help but
43:56
Speaker 1: think your listeners. You'll have a heavy slang towards the
44:00
Speaker 1: corporate audience and the entrepreneurs have a lot of core
44:02
Speaker 1: put in their business because you don't run a good
44:04
Speaker 1: business without metrics. So everyone listening to this would have
44:07
Speaker 1: some sort of form of metric or KPI in parts
44:10
Speaker 1: of their life.
44:11
Speaker 2: And then big businesses do this beautifully you've got the metrics,
44:14
Speaker 2: and you just know what the metrics are for your business,
44:16
Speaker 2: whether it's sales meetings per week or turn around time
44:18
Speaker 2: on proposals or dispatch in a warehouse. There's KPIs on
44:22
Speaker 2: running a good business, and it's always measured by revenue.
44:25
Speaker 2: You look at engagement and a couple of other metrics
44:27
Speaker 2: as well, market penetration. And I look at the time
44:32
Speaker 2: we spend on a business and the planning on a business,
44:35
Speaker 2: so planning on building a house, and we do fuck
44:38
Speaker 2: all on our bodies. So even if you just took
44:40
Speaker 2: a little bit of that and every year did a
44:42
Speaker 2: bit of a review, it's like the annual review, where
44:45
Speaker 2: am I at? I do this every year, harps, I
44:48
Speaker 2: do this with my clients. So as an ex athlete,
44:51
Speaker 2: I think you don't lose that metrics. But I know
44:54
Speaker 2: what I want my resting heart rate to be. I
44:55
Speaker 2: know what what I want my heart rate variability to be.
44:57
Speaker 2: I know what my sleep metrics. So with people on
45:00
Speaker 2: wearable tech metrics get the heart rate variability. So you
45:03
Speaker 2: have all these metrics and then you can dial up
45:05
Speaker 2: the data. The training, the strength training, the fasting, the
45:08
Speaker 2: fasting and having a bit of fun and everything in between.
45:10
Speaker 1: I just find that we.
45:13
Speaker 2: Do such a good job on businesses, generally on metrics,
45:16
Speaker 2: but we do such a poor job. So as you're saying,
45:19
Speaker 2: the hills hoist, if our audience just your audience just
45:22
Speaker 2: had a couple of metrics or came back like the
45:24
Speaker 2: annual review, how am I going? Do I fit into
45:26
Speaker 2: these genes? And Bernard Salt wrote a great article a
45:29
Speaker 2: few years ago, pretty controversial. Have you ever had Bird
45:32
Speaker 2: on the show? No demographer rites for The Australian and
45:36
Speaker 2: he wrote that he thinks a relationship should be a
45:39
Speaker 2: bit like a bank. So you have a home line
45:42
Speaker 2: three years time, I know my line for the apartment
45:45
Speaker 2: comes up. We've got to go and renegotiate with the bank.
45:48
Speaker 2: Now hopefully interest rates will be down. On negotiating, we'll
45:50
Speaker 2: lock some in fixed, some variable. And there's your answer.
45:54
Speaker 2: Bird was saying we should do similar with our relationships.
45:57
Speaker 2: I'm in a relationship, So how am I to you?
46:00
Speaker 2: What's working?
46:00
Speaker 1: How's it going on communication? How's our sense of life going? Like?
46:03
Speaker 2: I think I'm awesome? Like do you find that I'm awesome?
46:07
Speaker 2: And isn't that an interesting analogy though? To do that
46:10
Speaker 2: on a relationship, to do that on yourself and its people,
46:15
Speaker 2: that's so fucking interesting. I mean yeah, because in the
46:20
Speaker 2: middle of all of that awareness and strategy and logic
46:24
Speaker 2: and assessment is emotion and fear and anxiety and body
46:28
Speaker 2: image and shit self esteem. But I love the I
46:34
Speaker 2: love the question. I love that I would like to
46:37
Speaker 2: dig deeper into that.
46:38
Speaker 1: Wow, I don't do that with my partner.
46:41
Speaker 2: Would scare the shit out of me doing that with
46:42
Speaker 2: she's lebones. Yeah, no, you'd be I could not end
46:47
Speaker 2: well for you. I get told every day I don't
46:50
Speaker 2: need to do an annual review. So I love about
46:52
Speaker 2: the Mediterranean cultures. You know, they just tell you. And
46:54
Speaker 2: I listened to her talking to a sister. You're having
46:56
Speaker 2: an argument. No, we're just telling each other. We're catching
46:58
Speaker 2: up with coffee.
47:00
Speaker 1: This is my third podcast for the day, and I
47:02
Speaker 1: should be exhausted because I've done a bunch of other
47:05
Speaker 1: shit as well, but I'm so energized. I so love
47:07
Speaker 1: talking to you, and I'm not pissing in your pocket.
47:10
Speaker 1: You're such a good human, You're so smart. You share
47:13
Speaker 1: ideas and thoughts and stories so easily and beautifully. You know,
47:20
Speaker 1: I appreciate you and thank you so much for chatting
47:23
Speaker 1: with us. You and I could do a fucking five
47:25
Speaker 1: hour episode. I know I'm going to get Tiff to
47:27
Speaker 1: chop this in half, but tell people where they can
47:32
Speaker 1: connect with you. So your show is called Performance Intelligence.
47:36
Speaker 3: Is that right?
47:37
Speaker 1: Yeah?
47:37
Speaker 2: Podcast is Performance Intelligence And the best way to find
47:41
Speaker 2: me is go to Andrewmay dot com. That's the website. Wow,
47:46
Speaker 2: all things Hey in the feelings of mutual buddy love.
47:49
Speaker 2: You love your work. You've been a huge influence on me.
47:52
Speaker 2: You're a massive sharer of information, so good things happen
47:55
Speaker 2: to good people. Halts appreciate you and Tiff you go, okay,
47:59
Speaker 2: we both love you.
48:00
Speaker 3: Thought about the little protege.
48:05
Speaker 2: If I love listening to podcasts, and I love seeing
48:07
Speaker 2: your evolution and where you're at, and you've rounded him out.
48:11
Speaker 1: We talk about diversity.
48:12
Speaker 2: I'll just finish with this made me realize, Harps, I'm
48:17
Speaker 2: in a good spot last night and I've got a
48:18
Speaker 2: bloody good team. So coming back from Perth, did a
48:22
Speaker 2: post just before the plane took off, and I really
48:26
Speaker 2: believe as we evolved, if it's the collective some of
48:28
Speaker 2: the people were around, that really helps us grow. I've
48:31
Speaker 2: seen him evolve a lot in a good way. I reckon,
48:34
Speaker 2: you've helped him more than you realize. I love you
48:36
Speaker 2: as well, Champ, just don't know you as well as
48:38
Speaker 2: I love the Harps. So I did a shout out
48:40
Speaker 2: to the team I was with yesterday, but also a
48:43
Speaker 2: big shout out to my support team. So Angela Poune,
48:46
Speaker 2: Luba Posha, Valeya, Sean Pern and Angeline Bonato, and I
48:50
Speaker 2: just thought, oh my god, I've got so many wonderful
48:52
Speaker 2: women and men in my life. And it's diversity, Like
48:55
Speaker 2: there's Angel and Sean have got an Asian background, Luba's Russian,
48:59
Speaker 2: and jillins from the Philippines and love that we hang
49:04
Speaker 2: out with different people, learn convergence, divergence, You've done three podcasts,
49:08
Speaker 2: Wrap me Up.
49:09
Speaker 1: And you've got an indigenous mate who tells you you're
49:11
Speaker 1: not fucking special for walking around in bare feet.
49:14
Speaker 2: So that's what makes are for I catch up and
49:16
Speaker 2: the buddies once a year, boys from door off site,
49:19
Speaker 2: husband off site, and they tell me how shit I am.
49:21
Speaker 2: It's the same buck ups from when you were fifteen.
49:24
Speaker 1: And that's awesome. That's hilarious. Mate. We appreciate you. Will
49:28
Speaker 1: say goodbye Fair But if I think you need to
49:31
Speaker 1: get the Great Man on your show, yeah will you?
49:33
Speaker 3: Will you?
49:34
Speaker 1: Andrew love too, I'd love to Thanks everyone,