Latest / Casually Crashing Out / Lost In The Sauce
Transcript
- TAYLOR SOLO CRASHOUT VAULT EP4: Welcome, welcome my fellow ferals. I'm Taylor Coker and you're listening to Casually Crashing Out. Because acting like you're okay twenty-four-seven is fucking exhausting. We are back. We are back, baby. My computer is home with her mother. We've been spending all the time together, mostly just trying to get caught up on everything I've fallen behind on since she's been away, That being said, your girl has been in her entrepreneur era. I don't know what it is lately, but I have been channeling my inner boss bitch. By the way, when I say inner boss bitch, I'm referring to the fact that your girl has discovered the site Deepop. Have y'all heard of Deepop? Let me tell y'all, I cannot believe at the ripe age of thirty six that this is my first time selling my shit online. Probably because I never had shit to sell before. Sorry, I forgot my twenties were an absolute disastrous mess. I didn't have time to be collecting items to sell later on. I barely had a place to put my stuff half the time, let alone the means to sell any of it. Was definitely a nomad at that time. Just going wherever the wind blew me that month. I've lived a lot of different lives, guys. from double wide trailers in the swamplands of Florida. To downtown city apartments above pizza places in Pittsburgh. One time I rented a room from a really loud New Yorker for some reason, was a huge Miami Dolphins fan. Go figure, right? So every time the Dolphins played, and I don't know if anyone follows football at all. I sure don't, but correct me if I'm wrong. The Dolphins haven't been good in like long enough that I feel like no one should have their hopes up at this point, right? But this guy, every game, especially the ones in the wee hours of the morning, this guy was up and at him, jersey on, beer cracked open, screaming, guys, screaming bloody murder at the television. No joke. It was so loud, guys. I remember I would get home from a night of drinking at like four a.m. or five a.m. or something stupid like that. I would wake up three hours after falling asleep, so hungover, just what the fuck? That's bullshit. That's fucking bullshit. Fire that fucking riff. I mean it was I'm not doing it justice, let's just say that you really had to be there for the full effect. was a weird, weird time. And you know what? I bet you it was probably one of the lesser weird situations that I had back then. like I said I lived a lot of lives. And now I'm an old lady who wakes up at 7 a.m on her day off and makes to-do lists and takes like 10 pills to start her day. And has to drink so much fing water. I that's one thing they don't tell you when you get older, it's how much water you need to drink. but yeah, guys, I have been waking up a lot earlier in the mornings and I know it's annoying. but I actually urge everyone to wake up just a little bit earlier. I just know what it's done for me as far as productivity wise. I get like eighty percent done of what I need to get done in the mornings now, because I wake up so much earlier. So by 1 p.m., everything's done. I'm not really an afternoon or an evening doer. That's my unwind time, guys. After I cook dinner, I am not leaving my house. The other night it was like 8 p.m. and I realized we had no toilet paper, right? Did your girl go get it? No. Did Ian from Doordash go get it? Absolutely. My husband walked out on the porch to take out the trash and he was like, wow, the toilet paper fairy must have came. Hell yeah, they did. Hell yeah, they did. The only thing better than the toilet paper fairy is the Pizza Fairy. And I say this because, guys, many moons ago, I used to have the Pizza Hut app on my phone. I actually have Had the Pizza Hut app on my phone up until a couple weeks ago when I had to delete it because I was at the Hillary Duff concert trying to download Uber to get a ride. I digress. I used to order pizza all the time, guys. I was young and broke, and I had a great metabolism and good gut health. So pizza three times a week was never a problem back then. What a time to be alive. Your girl would go out and pizza. Get for lack of better words, sloshed. I mean, I was like twenty-five, my whole life revolved around getting sloshed at that time. But yeah, we'd go out to the local bars and we would just be so cool and we would smoke cigs and take breakfast shots and ride mechanical bullsh. Again, what a time to be alive. So, anyways, yeah, I had the Pizza Hut app on my phone and I would always keep my phone in my back pocket. And at that time, I was habitually known for like butt dialing people. I never locked my phone. So I would call my friends, my family, and random strangers, even sometimes at random times throughout the night. And they would answer or it would go to voicemail and it would just be me screaming for like five straight minutes. sorry, I'm annoying. But yeah, I would do that a lot. And so one random night I was doing my wild child thighing and you know, riding bulls and all. And I got home wherever I was living at the time, I really couldn't tell you. I'm two sheets to the wind. I had the drunk munchies like a motherfucker. Okay. I had Ubered that night, so I didn't get to stop and get food. But I remember when I got home, I was like, Damn, your girl is hungry. I was getting settled for bed and my doorbell rings, which was weird because it was kind of late. It was like one AM, so I hesitantly go look to see who it is and I see it's the pizza guy. who ordered pizza right now? It's like 1 a.m. I didn't even know Pizza Hut stayed open that late. And I told the delivery guy, I didn't know y'all stayed open this late. He was like, Yeah, we close at one. I'm like, God, my roommates are fucking assholes. You know? I'm gonna go yell at them when I bring them their pizza. I take the pizza, he says it's been paid for, I bring it in the house, I call for my roommates. I noticed when I set the box down on the table, it says on the top of it, order for Taylor. And I'm like, that's weird. Why would they put the pizza in my name? I open the box and y'all, my pizza order is pretty specific. Okay. Stuff crust, light sauce, extra cheese, pineapple, and sausage. I like what I like. Anyways, I'm kind of shook at this point. I look at the receipt on the box and it says That the driver's name who delivered my pizza was J E S U S. Which you would assume most would decipher as Jesus, probably, right? Yeah, no. No. My drunk ass was like, my God, Jesus brought me this pizza. He knew, he knew his child was famished, withering away to nothing. So he sent me a stuffed crust, light sauce, extra cheese, pineapple, and sausage pizza to fuel my precious temple. I feel like I might have been smoking a lot of pot at this time too, maybe. But yeah, I texted all of my friends a picture of this pizza with the name Jesus. And I was just like, You are currently witnessing a miracle. You are welcome. Like I was acting like this pizza delivery guy was a lost prophet or something. Yeah, I ate the shit out of that pizza, actually. Let me correct myself actually. I woke up the next morning to just the center of the pizza left and like half of the toppings picked off. So apparently I just wanted the crust of the pizza. Which I mean, I can't argue with drunk me on that. Pizza Hut stuffed crust is top tier. Guys, But yeah, so once I sobered up, I looked at my bank statement to realize that I indeed ordered that pizza while my phone was in my pocket. I guess I had the order saved in my recents on the app and they had my card on file. they make it so easy because apparently you can literally do it with your eyes closed. With no hands in your pocket on a mechanical bowl. I butt dialed a whole ass pizza order, is what I'm saying. That's pretty impressive. And I timed it so perfectly for it being such a freak accident, you know? guys, I make jokes about my 20s, but they really were a whole ass vibe. I miss that spontaneous side of me that wasn't afraid of anything. Life was so exciting all the time. Every day was a new adventure. I didn't worry about things that I couldn't control. I didn't worry about failing. I just lived every day for that day. And I miss that. Feels impossible to do that today. I say I moved a lot, but with every move came a new lesson learned and made me a smarter, stronger woman. Having to start over that many times, it takes a lot of grit, y'all. And I'm not naive to think I will never have to do it again in whatever sense. Sometimes we need a fresh start. Ain't nothing wrong with it. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. But if it's broke, toss that shit out and buy a new one, sis. We ain't got no time for brokenness in this life. If shit ain't working, you know what to do. Life is too short. We are not promised tomorrow. Stop wasting moments. You'll never get back being miserable. I hear people say, Well, I have to stay married. I can't just leave or I have to have this job. I can't just quit. Let me give you guys some free advice. Okay, four words and then I'll leave it alone. Free fucking will, bitch. Practice it, preach it, praise it. You have complete control over your life. This precious gift you've been given, Do things every day to feed your soul and grow your spirit. Do things every day to expand your mind and your mindset. AKA fill your cup, guys. Fill your cup. Now I know y'all have missed your favorite segment, or is it my favorite segment? Either way, it's here to stay. We love us a good crash out of the week. Now, this week's emission comes from a fellow Crash Out Queen, Chloe Henderson. This one's called Standing on Business. Chloe writes, Dear casually crashing out. I'm gonna need you guys to please bear with me because I somehow have managed to keep this story hidden from basically everyone I know. And this is the first time I'm telling it on a podcast for all to hear. I feel so lucky. So here it goes. Let me set the scene for you guys. I've had a lot going on lately. I've always been an overachiever by nature, and apparently at some point this past year I decided I was capable of doing approximately a gazillion things at once. Now, I have always been the type of person who can handle whatever gets thrown at me with grace, But honestly, I was overwhelmed. Like really overwhelmed. My boyfriend notices and he was like, You've been super stressed. Let me take you out and have a night where we don't worry about anything. Easier said than done, right? So I get ready, I put on my cutest outfit, spend way too much time on my hair and makeup, and we go out for what is supposed to be a nice, relaxing dinner. Except, I'm sitting there worrying about everything. My boyfriend can tell, even the waiter can tell, because at one point he literally asked me, Is everything okay, ma'am? So, naturally, I decide the solution is alcohol. Two beers and two froses later, I am feeling much better. At this point, I'm a little tipsy, a little frisky, and absolutely not ready to go home yet. So we head to our favorite local dive bar to keep the night going. Now everything is going great. Beers are flowing, we're talking to the regulars, everybody is having a good time. And then this random, very outspoken man just decides to insert himself into our conversation. Normally, whatever. I'm not gonna let some random guy ruin my night. Knowing me, I'd probably just smile and nod and then talk shit about him later in the corner. But this guy, he was a dick. And I don't know what it was about that particular night, but something in the air. It was just different. I get up to go to the bathroom, and as I'm walking back, I hear this man blatantly making fun of my boyfriend. At first I'm thinking, okay, maybe he's joking. Maybe they know each other. But as I get closer, I realize they do not know each other. And this man is not joking. I saw red. Something inside of me snapped. I started yelling at this guy. Of course, he starts yelling back. And before I know it, we are in a full blown screaming match. Now I have been drinking. I have liquid courage. I am angry. And apparently I have temporarily lost all ability to make rational decisions. Because somehow I end up ripping the beer bottle out of this guy's hands and smashing it to the floor. Then I proceed to charge him and shove him so hard that he falls to the ground. Was it extreme? Yes. Was I absolutely feral for doing it? Also, yes. But did it feel so good to give that piece of crap exactly what he deserved? This guy had been a complete asshole all night, and watching him get absolutely humbled by a woman half his size, I can't lie to you guys. It kind of felt fucking awesome. So of course, there's a commotion afterwards. Everybody's gathering around. I'm embarrassed because this is a place I hang out, you know? and it was so out of character for me to get physical with somebody. But again, I can't lie. I mean, I kind of felt like a little badass, you know, But that was extremely short-lived because as we're driving home and reliving the crazy scene that just transpired, my boyfriend says something along the lines of, Yeah, the only reason I didn't retaliate immediately was because, you know, the guy only has one leg and all. I'm sorry? Say again. One fucking leg? So me make sure I understand what just happened. I thought I was being a badass girlfriend, defending my man, yes sis, and you're telling me I just assaulted a one legged person. My boyfriend is like, Yeah, that's why I didn't do anything when he was being a dick. You can't fight a cripple, it's not fair. I was mortified. I left that bar thinking I was the hero of the story and realizing I was apparently the drunk asshole who picked a fight with a disabled man. Don't worry, Chloe, not all heroes wear capes. Not all heroes wear capes, babes. To this day, I am so embarrassed that my own family doesn't even know this story. So, congratulations, guys. You are officially the first people I've ever told. And in my defense, I didn't know he only had one leg. Does that make it better? Probably not. But I'm sticking with it. yeah, and some advice for the listeners: next time you pick a fight, maybe pick someone wearing shorts. my, my, Chloe, what a story. God, these crash out of the weeks really make me feel better about the things going on in my own life right now. First of all, you are a legend. Okay. One leg or not, that guy had it coming. Just because you're missing a limb doesn't give you a hall pass to be a complete prick. And if you just so happen to be that kind of person who doesn't care about other people's feelings and you want to talk shit for no reason, then Just be prepared to maybe get pushed down every now and then. I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be insensitive. I guess the point I'm making is you never really know what's going on with people. You never know. And with that being said, we all need to just have a bit more grace and patience with each other. a lot easier said than done. I know. Not saying you, Chloe, were wrong. Just saying maybe she was a little worked up, That's the kind of shit that can happen though if you don't let it out the right way. I can't sit here and act innocent though. If I told you some of my stories, holy hell. Speaking of, I told my mom on the group chat the other day that I used to sneak out and steal her SUV at night. Y'all. She was like, what? And let me just let me give you guys a visual. We lived in a condo at that time, and there was only like one parking spot that we could use. So my mom, who worked late, would park her SUV all the way down the road, like a whole stoplight down. So my little jit ass, I was always grounded by the way. I'm pretty sure my whole adolescenthood was just me figuring out ways on how to have a social life while being grounded all the time. But yeah. I would wait for everyone to fall asleep and I would find the keys, sneak out, walk all the way down to this SUV. This was like a 15, 20 minute walk, guys, in the middle of the night on the highway. And yeah, I would just drive around aimlessly, nowhere to go. It was like 3 a.m. But just to have a little taste of freedom. and when I was done I would just park it back, walk home, sneak back inside, put the keys back. Voila. I used to have to put gas in the car though because I didn't want the tank to be off. But I would have to be like precise. And one time I put way too much gas in. And I had to drive around for like a over an hour to try to burn off some of the fuel. I was so tired. It was like 5 a.m. I'm like, what the fuck am I supposed to do? Where am I supposed to go? I never got caught though. My mom was like shocked when I told her You could tell she was also kind of pissed, but it was like 20 years ago now. So what can she do, really? It's just funny to look back on it now. No wonder I was always grounded. Welcome to this week's revolving segment People Who Owe Me an Apology. game show where no one knows they're competing, but everyone's got a score to settle with mo. Let's get into it, shall we? Contestant number one is long, hard, and so painful. Get y'all's minds out of the gutter now. I'm talking about the DMV. I'm done with it. I'm done with it. It doesn't matter how many times I call them, I check the website, it doesn't matter how prepared I think I am, I will double, triple, quadruple check everything before I walk out of my front door, y'all. And you can bet your ass, right as rain, that I'm gonna be forced to have to leave and come back because I'm missing something. AKA because you are unprepared and you're an illiterate loser that needs to grow up and learn where all government issue documents are at any given time. Or at least that's what they make you feel like. Every time I go there. F you. That's all I have to say. F you. And you know what? If your staff was a little bit friendlier, a little bit more welcoming maybe, then we probably wouldn't feel like we had to walk in there like we're going into damn battle every time we need a replacement driver's license. Contestant number two is not technically a person, but in my household, she is my child. And this week, she has been a damn hellion. Golden retrievers are too smart for their own good, y'all. And your own good, honestly. Good luck to anybody that makes the decision to own one. They are too smart. And they will constantly make sure you know how smart they are In their own stubborn, devilish, picky, spoiled, rotten kind of way. This week my husband took her to the vet to get her nails trimmed, because she won't let us trim our nails. She's a psychopath. So we take her to the vet to get them trimmed, and he said they took her back, and he heard some scuffling, and then a door bust open, and then saw my dog just sprinting across the hallways. I guess she had squirmed out of her collar. Who knew she could do that? I sure didn't. Never seen her do it. They had to physically pick her up and take her back. My dog is like sixty-five pounds. I mean, she ain't no bestie, but she ain't no Betty either, you know. She a little chunk. She's not easy to hold. And she squirms. God bless their souls. She really owes them the apology this week. Contestant number three keeps me genuinely questioning whether I'm the problem. Am I the problem, guys? Am I the pro am I the drama? We're talking about haters. Haters. You gotta love guys. I mean, Kat Williams said it best. If you've got 15 haters now, you need to figure out how to get to 19 before summer, babes. Or I guess winter in this case. I've been dealing with a lot of haters lately. And I've concluded that haters are always unhappy people. Whether they project that part of themselves or not, if you are dogging on somebody else's joy and tearing down someone else's happiness slash spirit, ew. Ew, girl. Bye. Go somewhere else with that shit. That's gross. And you're gross. And your mom's a hoe. I have lived in Kentucky for over seven years now. By the way, I love it here. I didn't think I would love it at first. Let's be clear. I'm from Tampa, and y'all know Tampa, it's a fast growing city. Especially over the last few years, everybody is moving to Tampa. Everybody. Everybody's moving to Florida. I feel like people think if they move to Florida, all their problems will magically be solved. And I can't blame them. Florida's a pretty magical place. I mean, they house Mickey Mouse, for God's sake. Cinderella. You can't really compete with that. but I mean I get it. The beaches, the palm trees. There's so much to do. You could do something different every single day, and you would still never run out of things. It's a tropical paradise. But I will say, just because it's quote unquote never cold does not by any means mean perfect weather all year round, guys. When it comes to weather in Florida, and this is at least where I lived, I lived about halfway down the state. So the further you go down, the closer to the equator, obviously. The worse it gets. In Florida, it's either hot. Very hot or heat stroke hot. So if you think that's your vibe, go for it. It's why it's surrounded by beaches and everyone has pools. If they didn't, everyone there would be passing out every like two seconds. It is so hot, guys. And everyone says the humidity here is bad. I'm like, what? They've never felt Florida humidity, obviously. It's everything that fresh air is not supposed to be. It's thick, it's dense, it's wet, it's not fun, I would have never imagined myself living here in Kentucky. It's definitely not as current as Tampa. But when it comes to weather, Chef's Kiss. It's the perfect blend of everything you want. Fall, my gosh. It gets beautiful here. The only shitty part is that recently, that little window between summer and fall, aka they call it tornado season. Yeah. We apparently have to worry about those now. And didn't have to when I first moved here, but lucky for us, Tornado Alley is slowly shifting east, they say. So y'all know what that means. New fear unlocked for Taylor. I mean, even just the name of it, Tornado Alley? Does that sound appealing to anybody? You don't even have to know what that is to know you don't want to live there. I'm used to hurricanes, which are a different kind of scary because you actually do have a lot of warning for hurricanes. I mean, they track those for days out it's a week long anxiety attack, essentially. A week long panic. But it does give you time to have some options, you know. With a tornado, I was literally in my kitchen two nights ago making stir fry and it starts thundering. I'm like, okay, afternoon thunderstorm, no big. All of a sudden the sky gets so dark, y'all, which I think we all can agree is terrifying. And within seconds, trees are literally sideways. The rain is so heavy you can barely see. And ding, tornado warning. Bitch, my stir fry isn't even done. What the fuck? We have tornado sirens too, and I don't know if anyone has ever woken up from a deep sleep to the extremely cryptic sounds of tornado sirens. But if you can imagine, and for someone who already has a history of waking up in complete panic, and y'all wonder why I'm on Lexapro. Just kidding. I can guarantee no one is wondering that. They're all like, yep, checks out. But yeah, tornado warning on the phones. We go downstairs. I grab Zoe because she's right there. And I don't know why, but I guess in that moment that we decide my husband who can barely bend over and is incapable of looking for anything and everything, like most men, it's his job to get the cat. And if you guys can imagine how that whole thing went, I mean, if there was a tornado, my husband and Kiki would have been goners. He spent like 15 minutes trying to get her until he gave up. And by that time the warning had expired. So yeah, shows how prepared we are. But it honestly went better than the previous times because usually I just scream and cry at my husband. I'm so fucking dramatic. Acting like we're in one of the Twister movies. I'm like, tell my mom I love her. Tell Ryder his auntie Tay Tay was a good woman. Anyways. Now I know what you guys are thinking. my god, another episode with no co-host? Did this girl lose all her friends or something? Joke's on y'all. I don't have friends. I pay all those people to talk to me, and I'm broke right now. So no friends for me this week. Maybe next week. Just kidding. guys, like I said, it's been a challenging few weeks for this girl. I have been doing a lot of reflecting lately. And with that comes a lot of alone time. Not that I don't love company, but my creative outlet is just that. My creative outlet. And if that means that I need some solo episodes so that I can feel better, then let me live. Okay. Let me live. We love a mentally aware girly, don't we? I am aware that I have been slacking on my mental health checks lately, but not today. I wish I could sit here and say I'm feeling wonderful, that I'm stress free, and that I'm in a fantastic headspace, but this is a crashing out podcast. And we may do a lot of things on here, but one thing we ain't gonna do is lie to each other. don't even really want to give it a number Because I'm afraid it's probably alarmingly low if I had to fit it on a one to ten scale. So we're just gonna say It has been a weird last few weeks at the Koker Casa. A lot of things shifting and different new energy making its way in. And that's not necessarily a bad thing, but it can be a little overwhelming at times if you aren't super comfortable with change, aka my husband and I. we are definitely creatures of habit for sure. We have a routine, we have our schedules. We like our stuff a certain way and I don't really feel bad about it to be quite frank. both of us have ADD. So routine is necessary for us to make sure things are getting done. and we're being productive, you know? With that being said, when routines get thrown off or things need to suddenly shift gears in a different direction with no notice or no planning, we get a little lost. Okay. Lost in the sauce, if you will. And I feel like we should talk about it because I know there are others out there that feel like this. We're never alone in how we're feeling, guys. No matter what it is. There's what, eight point three billion people in this world. You ain't alone in your feels. And I know I always find just a little bit, even if it's just the smallest amount, a little bit of extra comfort knowing that I'm not alone in this shitty funk that I get in sometimes. And I know what you're thinking. You Taylor, shitty funk, but you're always preaching positivity and free will and living every moment like it's your last. I know. I know. I'm only human, guys. What can I say? It's definitely something I'm becoming more self-aware of, though, that I need to start reflecting instead of just reacting. It's hard when you're lost in it though. When somebody else is going through it, it's easy for me to look at them and say, everything's gonna be okay, it'll work itself out. In the grand scheme of things, It's probably for the better. yada, yada, bigger, better things on the way. But when it's happening internally, it's a little bit more challenging to compartmentalize all those different feelings and new energies that are causing these new feelings. It's just a lot. And it's completely normal to get lost in it sometimes. It's normal to get overwhelmed. It's normal to need to let it out, however that may be. I cried like all day yesterday. And I don't ever cry, thanks to LexaPro. That took that away from me a long time ago. But yeah, I started bawling. And I was just like, bitch, if I'm gonna cry, I'm gonna get it all out. There ain't nothing like a good cry. And when you need it, buddy. There's no holding it in. It's like puking. Don't matter how hard you try and stop it, it's coming out. And there's no telling what's gonna happen. But crazy enough, I woke up this morning and I wouldn't say I felt a hundred percent better, but at least 60% better than I did yesterday. And that's a win for me. Yep, lost in the sauce, baby. It happens sometimes. It does. But you know what? I can't help but wonder if maybe we feel lost because subconsciously we know that it's time to start searching to find our current selves or who we are supposed to be in that moment, you know? Like we're outgrowing our old skin, like a little lizard or something. What's cooler? What's a cooler metaphor than a lizard? A snake. You are shedding your old snake skin, you've outgrown. Time for a new shiny look. Don't fight it, because that shit's coming off either way. Whether you want to drag it out and look stupid and feel super uncomfortable because you're carrying around old dead skin that's barely hanging on, that doesn't serve you anymore, or you can trust the process, hang in there. Might be a little uncomfortable at first, but once that new shiny, slithery, bright snake skin is showing, bitch. You ain't gonna know who your old self even was. And we call that growth. Once again, I must bid you adieu, Spiral Squad. Like always, I'm so thrilled to have all of you on this journey with me. You guys are a big part of the stream. With that being said, I want to hear from you, bitches. Tell me the latest gossip. I want to know the piping hot tea. I know y'all be having some crazy unhinged moments. Stop holding out on me. All you have to do is visit www.casuallycrushingoutpod.com. And hit the pink envelope to submit your spiral. Because every crash out deserves its five seconds of fame. as always, remember, just because you're casually crashing doesn't mean you're crashing alone. See you in two weeks, same time, different chaos.