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The quiet grief no one tells you about (INFP/HSP) · Lightbearer's Library

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Hello, dear soul, and welcome to the Light Bears Library.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: My name is Kate Harmony.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: In today's journal entry, I want to talk about disappointment.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: The disappointment of feeling like the dreams that we had when we were younger just haven't materialized, that we thought we might be more successful or more settled or more happy or have more community or friends or whatever it is that we had envisioned.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: And even if it wasn't a specific vision when we were young, it just it was a sense of that life would be happier than it is, maybe.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: You know, that there's there's like that grief and that pain of of just feeling sad about our lives not being the way that we maybe had envisioned them.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I think it's even harder now as as as highly sensitive people as perhaps INFPs or feelers in the in the personality system of Myers Briggs.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's like that perhaps there's this sense that the world the world i is a disappointment.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: It feels like um, you know, with everything that's going on, it feels so broken.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: Everything feels broken.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: And it feels the weight of that on top of the weight of maybe our dreams not coming, our lives not being the way we envision them.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's just it the the weight of that and the pain of that and the sorrow.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: I just feel so much sorrow at the way my life is currently.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, I've I've spent a lot of my life um trying to be really positive and you know, really trying to feel like, yeah, you know, it's gonna like all's gonna be well and it's gonna be wonderful, and like, you know, just hold on and it's gonna get better.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: And and yes, you know, I I still do believe that there are seasons in life, you know, that we go through winter seasons, that we go through down periods, that we go through hard spots in life where we're dealing with different griefs and pain.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: And so, you know, I I do still have hope and I do still try and, you know, tilt things towards a more positive, trying to look at what I'm grateful for in my life and what I'm the joys that I have of having a wonderful husband who loves me and that we understand and love one another as both highly sensitive um people.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: But there's there's like this deep sense of grief that I feel like if I don't acknowledge it, I feel like I'm doing myself a disservice, and I feel like we do the world a disservice when we try and plaster everything over with like happy paper, you know, like happy wallpaper, and it's like everything's fine, everything's fine, and it's like it's not fine, is it?
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: It's not fine.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: Like I'm I'm and there's a sense of anger too at that the world has turned out the way it is, you know.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: It just and this fine.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: If if this feels like a sob sort story to you, please, please, please leave.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you know, but if you're feeling this way, I want you to know that you're not alone.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: It's okay to be disappointed, you know.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: I've felt so much of my life trying to not be disappointed at things, to not feel sad and and to not grieve things, but I don't think that that's doing me any favors.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I think in order to move through into the next phase of life for me and and feeling a sense of rootedness and grounded groundedness in my life again, that I need to feel these feelings and and move through them in some way because I don't think that I'm going to be able to keep carrying around this this grief that lives inside of me.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that that this I think maybe that's what's happening is that the world, because of the way it is, it's like maybe there is a finally, finally an opening for us to feel this this this deep sense of grief within us.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe, maybe that's it.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: When the when it looked like the world, everything, you know, everybody was kind of getting on with it and everything was fine and everything, you know, but he but our grief doesn't kind of match that.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: It's like kind of maybe the world matches that grief.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: That's just kind of something that's come to me in this moment.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: But maybe now's the time to take a look around and and to acknowledge like things, not everything's not okay.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: It's not okay.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I you know, that feels kind of freeing in one sense because you know, I don't know about you, but like I don't have many friends and I don't really talk to my family, but I just know kind of how they are, and it's like they just get on with life, and it's like whatever, you know, deal with it.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, I know, but aren't you seeing how how people are not treating each other nicely and how they're not being kind and we're not trying to understand one another?
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe this is not true where you live, and if that's the case, like wow, just be grateful.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: Um but I think as as highly sensitive people, we can feel this the heaviness and the weight of all of that disappointment and sorrow of our the world not looking how we had hoped it would be, and our lives not looking the way that we hoped it would be.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't I don't know that there's any quick fixes to that.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: Um you know, I think I think just sitting with it is important nowadays and not trying to trying to numb it with, you know, whether it's scrolling or whatever our addiction is that we have that that helps us to yeah, to numb or escape these feelings, that only for me at least, it only makes it worse.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: It makes me feel more shit about myself and the world.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: And so I'm I need to come up with a different strategy for walking through this because it it needs to be felt.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: And when we do that, we can help one another better, we can acknowledge other people's pain and suffering and not kind of shy away from it.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: So it's it's uncomfortable to sit with it and to breathe with it and to to not try and distract ourselves.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: There is a time and a place for that.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: However, I think having coming up with positive distractions or positive ways of channeling that that need to not focus on on that that pain and that sorrow and that disappointment.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: You know, for me, positive ways that I that I have are like I do my Sudoku puzzles.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: And if I'm really, really feeling a lot of the sorrow, it's like I do the easiest ones.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: It's mindless, and it just keeps my focus on the puzzle, and my mind can just kind of release and let go of what it's spinning on, you know, the overwhelm of the pain or the grief or the sorrow.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: So that's one thing if I'm really struggling.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: Um sometimes it's good to just have a nice cry or potentially have a nap.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: I used to have naps when I was just feeling like I need to just time out.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: Time out, go be unconscious for a little while.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: Um the other thing I do is I I like to crochet and that and something repetitive, something that just keeps my hands busy and allows me to to not do something that's that's harmful to myself, that's not that's not negative, that isn't, you know, especially not going on the the phone or the internet is because that only can add to that, you know, you see a headline or you see something, you know, you know what I'm saying.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I'm saying.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like those are the times when we need to to look after our mental health and our well-being and not go there.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: So find like make a list of two or three things that you can do in those moments that it's just the pain is too overwhelming to sit with, you know.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: And so I also think that it's it's good to take our journal and try and actually name name the grief, name the the you know, how how has our the current harshness of the world that we're living in, how has it forced me to set aside the the dreams or the goals that I had that you know name those things or name the the you know the dreams that we had that are we're grieving for.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I, you know, for me it's grieving, like I had this vision of being an aunt in with my with my nephew and my niece and being a part of that family, and it just it didn't work.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: It didn't work out, and I'm still grieving it, and it's it's been you know, whatever, I don't even know what the time, you know, a year or less.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: And it sucks.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: It sucks.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_00: And um, and having family, not having family be there for me and not care about me.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like, okay, okay, that really is hurtful and sucks.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: But what can I do about it?
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I can't, I can't make it better.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: It takes, takes two or three or four people to kind of make that work.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: So anyway.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and then I think the last thing that I'm I'm trying to do, it's not kind of like positivity necessarily, but it's just to just to be aware of the the tiny little joys.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I like to think about it, you know, just being the light bear's library, right?
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: I like to think about it as our little candle in the dark.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: We have these this little candle in the dark with the light.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_00: And what is what is our candle in the dark in in today, in this moment?
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it could change day to day, but what is that tiny little joy, that little spark of hope that we can hold on to and focus our attention on, you know, like a meditation, right?
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_00: And it could be the tiniest thing, like a little, a little piece of chocolate, and just having that in our mouth and being so grateful for that little piece of chocolate, or you know, a relationship in our life that is that is good and focus on the good things about that relationship.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_00: Because relationships, you know, have have ups and downs and stuff that goes right and wrong.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: But um, yeah, so let's hold on to that little little spark.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: And yeah, so if you're feeling this this deep disappointment in whatever it is in your life, like I feel like it's okay to just grieve and be sad and angry and and just whatever it is that you're feeling, just let yourself feel it.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_00: Even if there's no one to talk to about it, you know, sometimes that's the hardest part is just no one feels like no one feels the same way.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, I do.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: So you're not alone.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I know that sometimes doesn't count for much, but I know for me it does.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: It it helps to read your comments about how how you're dealing or what you're dealing with, and it's it's you know, I I appreciate that.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_00: So please do share with me down below if there's if you're just feeling this too, just even a like I feel you in the comments.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: Just helps us all to know that we're not alone.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_00: So if this was helpful, I don't know, um, please do give me a thumbs up and subscribe to the Light Bears Library.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_00: I would love to have you here.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I'm wishing you so many blessings.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_00: Signing off for today, XOXO Kate.