Latest / Start Your Comeback: Rebuilding after Divorce, Empty Nest, and Loss of Spouse / Maintaining Connections Through Life's Twists and Turns

Transcript

Maintaining Connections Through Life's Twists and Turns · Start Your Comeback: Rebuilding after Divorce, Empty Nest, and Loss of Spouse

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Is there a major life transition benching you?
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: I know you may be asking what's next?
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: What's my purpose?
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: What if?
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: Because I've asked those two, welcome to the Start your Comeback podcast.
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: I'm Toni Thrash, a certified life coach, and I want to share the tools and practical steps to help you create a winning game plan to move into your new adventure.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: Hi, welcome back.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: You are listening to Episode 24.
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: As I was preparing for this episode, I almost decided not to do it.
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: Here's the truth your ride or die.
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: Friends may not be loyal anymore.
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: If you're facing a life transition, you could find yourself a widow or widower, going through a divorce, walking into retirement or losing your job and still find that your once tried and true friends ghost you.
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: In case you are new to the term ghosting, I want to give you the Oxford Dictionary's definition here.
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: It is the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation, with drawing from all communication.
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: They just silently delete you.
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: Wait for real Friends.
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: Do this?
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: Yes, not only friends, but in some instances, your family might as well.
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: It is not uncommon for you or anyone to lose friends when walking through a major life transition.
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: Why, you ask?
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: Well, there are a multitude of reasons that I want to discuss here today, but before we get to the reasons, I just want to say here that it is one of the most painful things to happen.
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: For most.
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: The fact that you are losing your marriage or you've lost a job or spouse is horrible at best, but then to lose friends who were a vital part of your life is devastating.
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: It sets you up for being the loneliest you might have ever been.
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: They just stopped communicating.
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: They no longer like anything you post on social media.
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: When they are like family and your kids lose them, it is so hard.
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: Even as adult children, they don't seem to understand the weight of the why.
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: Let's jump in and explore the reasons why you might lose friends.
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: Number one there is massive judgment because you're walking through something you may not have had control over.
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: They do not understand or know what happens behind closed doors.
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: They just see the outside and feel like they have the right to judge and walk away.
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: They don't want to take sides, which, in my opinion, is ridiculous.
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: You can still be friends with both.
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: I know it may be awkward.
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: However, we don't have to discuss the other one with you.
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: I think it is important to note here that they have feelings and they are processing those at the moment and I'm talking about your friends here they're struggling.
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: They could be angry, hurt.
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: We need to respect those, but to ghost because of that is a sign of a weak friendship.
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: Number two they may need distance themselves for a period of time because of the emotions they feel.
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: Again, totally respect this, but to walk off into the sunset forever seems a bit drastic.
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: And number three no one wants to be a referee.
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: Again, with the proper communication and the establishment of boundaries, there is no need for whistleblowing.
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: One of the ways to navigate mutual friendships is to have the clear boundaries.
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: This is crucial in the ability to stay connected with those friends.
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: Also, communicating those boundaries and being firm in them will show them that they will not have to be disloyal to either one of you.
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: This is a very hard road to walk, but if the essential friendships are important, you will exercise the desire to deal with the messiest of friendships.
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: The last thing anyone wants is to cause someone to feel lonely and caught in the middle.
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: That line is a fine line to walk.
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: One other thing Don't put pressure on your mutual friends to choose sides or become the referee.
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: That's not their job.
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: I know we desperately want validation.
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: We are making the right decision.
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: However, in time those friends will see the truth without a big ordeal.
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: They will be able to decide for themselves what they need to do.
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: They don't understand, and that's okay.
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: Remember some friendships won't last forever and are not meant to.
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: But for those friendships worth keeping, you will need to make the boundaries and communication solid.
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: I know for me, when I see those lost friends out it is awkward and hard for me to be kind and friendly.
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: I mean, I've watched their kids get married, have babies, buy houses and move to different cities all from social media, not from personal contact.
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: It is hard to not be invited to the big events and that takes time to heal.
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: The reason why I decided to go ahead and do this episode is to hopefully help someone out there do something different when they realize they might be the one who has decided to ghost their friend or they're the ones ghosted.
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: This might just send me to my counselor, todd.
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: Some things just take longer to heal from.
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: As I wrap this episode up, I want to ask two things of you today.
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: First, if you find yourself ghosting a friend because of a live transition.
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: I want you to reach out by text and check to see how they are.
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: I want you to offer a little word of encouragement.
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: You never know how that might start the healing process for them.
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: The second thing I want to ask you to do today is that if you've enjoyed listening to the podcast, I would love for you to leave a review.
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: It literally takes less than a minute to do so and it helps to spread the love.
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: I'd be so grateful if you did Join me next week as I discuss the trap of the expectations we put on ourselves as we walk through a live transition.
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: I'll see you next time.
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: I want to give a special shout out to Country Club for the original music.
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: You can find them on Instagram at Country Club.