Transcript

Justin · Recovery Chronicles

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Oh, hello, and welcome to Recovery Chronicles. My name is Shannon Hubert.
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I'm an addiction counselor at Heartview and you're listening to Recovery Chronicles podcast on
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Radio Access one O two point five. This podcast focuses on people in recovery
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from alcohol and other drugs, people who have made positive changes in their lives
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as a result of being in recovery and walking the journey. We hear stories
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of relationships with families, improving better employment opportunities, and finding support from others
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in recovery. On today program, we'll be talking to Justin. Justin as
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a person in recovery and is willing to share his journey to inspire others entering
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into long term recovery. Thank you so much, Justin for being a guest
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on the program today. Thank you. Can you tell me how you were
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able to kiss the pass goodbye? It's a big question. Yeah, you
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know, I think there's a lot of things I had to do and I'm
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still doing. You know, it's a continuous battle. First thing I had
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to do is eliminate a lot of ties from the past, which was probably
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and it's still the hardest thing to do. You know, old friends,
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old neighborhoods, all those kind of things, because I've been trying to get
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clean for years and I'd always have that sympathy for my fellow addict, and
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it's always helped me down because I'm just an emotion emotionally connected person with people.
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So as hard as it was, I ended up all my friends.
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As much as I cared and loved for them, I started isolating because I
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knew like they weren't good for me. I don't know if they were trying
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to help me or they weren't trying to help me. They probably were trying
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to help me, but they couldn't so I'd move away from them, and
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I ended up living in a storage by myself, and I just couldn't handle
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life anymore as it was, so you know, I decided, you know,
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I had to make a decision to change something. And I didn't have
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a phone, I had no food, I had no water. You know,
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I was carrying bottled water from the hotels bathing in my storage and then
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I have to walk them my land, I have to get food, and
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it was just rough. So I ended up walking down Main Street and Mandan
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to the Stanford office and I said, hey, I want to kill myself.
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Oh geez, And I knew I had no other alternative. There's a
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chance I probably would have killed myself. But I knew if I did that,
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i'd be in the hospital, I'd have food, I could call somebody,
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and maybe I could get help. And a week before that, actually
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a friend of ours, Crystal, she had seen me walking aimlessly on the
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street and said, hey, I can get you into this sober living type
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for second if you want to get in there, just you know, you
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got a call. Well I ended up with no phone. I didn't know
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how to get hold of her. So you were like, yeah, yeah,
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yeah, Well I wanted to and I was all excited about it,
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and I'm like, but I'd have to walk mile and a half again to
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a friend's house to use her phone, but she's on Wi Fi and all
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this crazy stuff, and try to get a hold of my mom and have
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her call him. And it was just I felt like it was never going
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to happened because I was trying so hard, and it was getting harder and
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harder. The harder I tried, the more distant the you know, it
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got, And it was just like wow, like how much harder do I
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have to try to get clean? Like I'm I'm giving up everything and it's
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not working. But you know, it worked. I went to the hospital
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and I probably went a little too far and said I was maybe violent,
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and they're like, the doctor's like, you're signing this and you're not leaving
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here until the judge teems you fit. And I'm like, oh crap,
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what did I put? It was good, but I think you know,
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I was just screaming out for help, you know. But an hour later,
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my counselor from West Central Tyler, he showed up. He said,
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justin, I'm getting you out of here, and I was just like really,
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and he's like, yeah, We're taking you to ACS and you're gonna
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stay there because he knew my plan I told him, but I told him
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like, I don't know how it's going to work. I don't know how
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to get a hold of anyone. I'm I'm stuck, you know, I'm
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filthy. And so he took me there. I stayed there for a week.
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Is that about the longest you can stay at AC? So let you
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stay If you have a plan and you're waiting on something, I'm sure you
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could stay there. A few weeks. I know there's been people that stayed
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there two three weeks before. Okay, So Tyler came and got you mm
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hmm and where and he took you to ACS. So Tyler took me to
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a CS. Yeah, and yeah, he's him. He's a big part
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of why I'm sober. So he picked me up, brought me over there,
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made sure I was okay, and he checked on me every few days.
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And then I got the interview with Mike and he was gonna drop me
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off, but we decided. I told him, you might as well come
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in with me, you know, because he knows me better than anyone.
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He'd seen me walk in the streets in the winter, you know, freezing,
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and he'd just get in the car. We're gonna go talk, you
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know. Oh yeah, so he knew. So we went. We interviewed
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with Mike and he said, yeah, I'm gonna bump you ahead some people
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and I'll get you in there by tomorrow. So next day he picked me
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up, we went over there, moved in, and you know, things
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got better. I got a job the first week I was in there,
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and I still struggled, but uh, you know, it's looking at recovery
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here in North Dakota. Because I'm from California. It's a lot different,
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you know. So can we back up a little bit? So I want
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to go back to that you're from California and why in the world would you
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move to North Dakota. So can you Were you born and raised in California.
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I was born and raised in southern California. I just moved all around
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San Diego, La, Bakersfield, and I got caught up in the system
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about twenty years ago, okay, and just a vicious cycle of going in
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and out. Sure, and I got my first term, my first strike.
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I got out, I was like, I'm not like any of those
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people. I'll never come back. But they had introduced me to the needle
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inside prison. It was like the right of passage in prison. Wow.
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So the first week I'm out, I go seeking a needle and someone gave
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me my first real shot, and it was just off and running. I
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couldn't stop. And two months later I was back in prison on a violation
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and I went through I don't know two three violations and then I got arrested
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again and I got my second term, my second strike, but they gave
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me eight years, eight months. So I ended up doing six years two
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months on my second term. So that term I really did a lot of
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change, though, I mean it's a long time. So I started life
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in prison where I just started living life. I stopped thinking about the outside.
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You know. I had a job in there. I took care of
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myself. I had a cell with the TV, so you can't think about
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the outside while you're in there. You know. I dabbled in drugs here
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and there, because you know, you get depressed and you know, so
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I started doing like heroin and all that and there. But uh, it
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wasn't a big deal. I had control of it. I don't know why
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I was. I was changing, even though that's a horrible mistake to make
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in there. But I got out and I'd given myself a plan. You
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know, I'm a My friend had told me about a meeting that he went
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to as a Bible studies and it's a ministry I ended up working for.
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But I said, I'll go there every Tuesday, and that's going to be
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my commitment. Because I didn't like a at the time or anything. Okay,
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So I got out and I did I did my commitment. I got
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a job. I stayed working. I told myself, no dating, no
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nothing, so I didn't look I didn't look at girls. I didn't do
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anything. I worked really hard. I'd get home, spend time with my
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son, work on the ranch, go to bed every day. You know,
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seven days a week, I'd work and sleep. Nine ten months go
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by. I'm getting close to discharging my prol aidents. Just he couldn't believe
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how well I was doing. I ended up starting my own business too.
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I got a business license, started working on the side plumbing on top of
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my plumbing job. And it was just like, you know, I'm going
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to make six figures this year. You know, I bought a new car,
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a new truck, a motorcycle, my son a motorcycle. Yeah,
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and I was doing great. But I was trying to buy myself happiness.
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And I was trying to buy back all that time I lost with my son
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because in totally I was gone eleven years of his life in prison, not
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including addiction. I didn't realize, you know, I was working non stop,
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seven days a week. I wasn't spending as much time with my son.
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I was getting overwhelmed. But I thought it was great because you know,
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I got to, you know, take him on trips to Vegas with
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me, San Diego, we drive, we'd fly to Washington, and I
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had money to do all this stuff. But he wasn't caring about all that
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little stuff, and I didn't realize that all he wanted to do was spend
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time with me. And it got to a point where I started dating again.
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I started drinking, and I started smoking weed. Then it went to
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cocaine because oh, I can do cocaine. I'm a methadict, you know,
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right, But my problem is I'm a consumer of all drugs. I
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don't care what it is. I'm going to do them, you know,
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And meth was like my drug of choice. But I was like, that
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was my problem, So I'm going to stay away from it. As long
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as I don't put a meal on my arm, he'll be fine, you
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know, because that's when there's there's no bets anymore. Like I'm gone.
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Just the insanity of our thing, Yeah, it's insane. Well, I
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knew that once I picked up a needle, I was usually in prison within
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a month. I never lasted much longer than that, Like it was straight
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back to prison. So I got to that, and then I got to
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cocaine. I was still maintaining my job, but I could tell there was
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a difference because I'd be working and you know, I had a company van,
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company phone and all that, and I'm on the job late, trying
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to make my money and like I almost slice my finger off, you know,
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I'm just like taping it up. And I noticed, like I'm getting
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sloppy, you know, like I have all this trust with this company.
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They gave me a position where I got guys under me, and I just
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got out of prison, you know, and I knew I had an issue,
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but I couldn't tell anyone that because I felt I was being controlled by
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other people that cared about me, like we weren't meeting I to I.
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So you know, it went from snorting cocaine to you know what, this
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isn't enough. So I picked up a needle. Well I'm not gonna shoot
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math, I'll shoot cocaine. Oh no. But I knew how that went
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because I was a crack addict before all of this, and you know,
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an apall was gone in a night, and it was just like it was
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out of control. And one night I'm going to meet one of my girlfriends
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and my son's mother calls me out of the blue. I'm on the freeway
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flying because I have to get to work in the morning, you know,
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and I'm trying to plan this whole night with this girl and and she's like,
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what are you doing. I was like nothing, I'm busy right now.
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And she's like what. I was like, I'm going to see this
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girl, you know. And she's like, well, my boyfriend's beating me
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up and this, this and that because she got caught in prostitution and all
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this other stuff. And she always asks for my help. So I was
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like, gosh, she's like please. I was like all right. So
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I hit the freeway and I fly to Baker'sfield from LA And by the time
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I get there, it's like one o'clock in the morning. I got to
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be up at four o'clock to get ready and leave. It like five point
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thirty in the morning. And I'm driving her around and she's throwing her bicycle
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in my trunk and I'm just like, this is ridiculous. We go to
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her friend's house. She goes to take a shower and he pulls out a
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pipe and he's like, you want to hit it? And I was trying
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to stay away from it. But at the moment, it's like two thirty.
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Now, I don't know how I'm going to make it back if I
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don't do anything. How am I going to stay up? You know?
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And how am I going to make it work? And I'm like sure,
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So I start smoking the pipe and she comes out like, what the heck
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are you doing? Justin You're supposed to be taking care of our son.
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Who's gonna take care of your son if you relapse? And I'm just like,
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whatever, man, I'm a grown man. I'll do what I want,
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you know. And she's furious now, so we take off together because
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and she went now she wants to go get some dope with me. But
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then she starts explaining, you know what, it was actually my fault that
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I got beat up? Can you just drop me back off at his house?
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And I'm looking at her and it just infuriated me that she'd have me
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come all this way to save her from some guy that was beating her up
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and then asked me to drop her up off at the same house. It
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was like total disrespect and she may not have seen it. She was an
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addiction to, you know, So I dropped her off and she gets I
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said, hold up, where's the dope? Man? I went half that
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dope, and she's like, she got all mad, and I took the
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dope and I got stuck in Bakersfield, and all of a sudden, I'm
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usitying an old girlfriend and then her other baby's dad. Oh I heard you
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used to shoot dope and do all this. I got some cleans, let's
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kick it. And he was one of her gorilla pimps. And so I
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don't know what I was thinking. My problem is I've always seen like that
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glimmer of hope and everyone. So I'm like, well, maybe I could
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talk to him and he'll change, you know. So I get caught up
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doing the same thing, and it was insane. My life just went out
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of control. Immediately. I became homicidal. I became very dangerous. I
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was running around with guns. Me and my old homeboys were all trying to
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kill each other, you know, and we'd see each other in prison later
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and laugh about it. And it's insane. But you know, I almost
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killed a few people, and it ways of my conscience. You know,
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I've done some horrible things, sure, But I ended up leaving Bakersfield going
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back to LA knowing something really bad is gonna happen, and I ended up
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oding in a hotel. Something really horrible happened that just scared the living craft
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out of me, and uh I knew I had to make sure my mom
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and my son were okay. That's all I cared about it at that point.
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Sure, so uh I said, we got to go. So we
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left the hotel long story short, and I knew someone that lived by the
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uh my mom's school. My plan was, I'm going to go to that
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house. I'm going to ask him to use the phone so I can call
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my mom, make sure my son's okay, and then disappear. But so
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we go there and if they didn't answer, my plan was to hop the
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wall into the school, run with my mom's class and be like, mom,
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make sure my son's okay. That's you know, just that's all I
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was going to tell her. I didn't want to explain the whole thing.
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Okay, so your mother's a teacher. My mom's a school teacher. Yeah,
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oh okay, you know that. Okay, keep going, yeah me
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school tea. Planned well, it was a bad plan, but my only
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concern at the time was that nothing no one hurt my son because I I'll
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kill from my family. Sure, and that scares my mom every time I
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tell her that. But it's a God on us truth. You mess with
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my son, my sister, my brother, my mom, I'll kill you,
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you know. And I mean that if they're in danger. I don't
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mean that if you do something, you know. So that was my plan.
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I knock on the door that I with the lady I knew. No
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one answers. My girlfriend starts running off the street. I'm like, where
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are you going? So I get her top back in the car. We
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fly. I go into the school and I realize, oh my gosh,
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it's Christmas break. No one's here, and so I drive out, like
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I can't go to the house because I'm afraid someone's following me and my insanity,
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and I don't want to lead them to where my family is. So
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right now, you're in a methan beetamine induced psychosis, Okay, yeah,
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And I basically it wasn't. I don't know if what it was that had
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happened in the hotel, but I believe it was a major stroke. I
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had stopped breathing, I was paralyzed, and my whole side of my body
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was gone. Oh, and you know, in the hotel, I'm thinking,
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oh my god, this is forever. I can't have my son see
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me like this. It was just I didn't was horrible. So we fly
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across town. I park my truck, and I'm furious because I feel she's
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involved in the things that were happening to me. Because I was really deeply
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involved with gangs and drugs and prostitution and all that. I was right in
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the center of, like the game right there. And my dumb personality is
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when I see something that I don't like or that goes against the combic code
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or what's right and wrong, I opened my big mouth and it's almost got
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me killed a few times. I don't know why I'm still alive, because
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I spoke up on some things that were wrong, and somehow I was able
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to walk out of them. I don't know. Maybe I said the right
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things, because yeah, I'm supposed to be here, and I think I
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hit a note in those people where they knew I was right and I was
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doing it for the right reason, even if they were doing the wrong thing
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and they couldn't for some reason, I just feel like they knew they couldn't.
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It would have been wrong to kill me. So anyhow, I parked
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my truck. I start walking around knocking on houses. Can I use your
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phone? I just need to call my family. Everyone's like, not open
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the doors. I must have looked scary, and they're like, no,
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we don't have a phone in here. I'm like, you don't have a
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phone, well, you can call them for me, and just really Nope,
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nobody would let me use the phone. I've knocked on thirty doors.
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Everyone's scared. So I finally go up to the highway and there's an auto
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shop and I walk in there. I said, can I please just use
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your phone. I just need to contact my family. And the guy's like,
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yeah, that's fine. So I get on his phone and I call
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my mom and I had no clue what was going on, besides I knew
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what I could see and what was going on in my reality. And she
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answers. She's like hello, and I was like, Mom, it's me.
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Are you guys okay? And she's like, justin, I can't believe
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you. I can't believe you would do this. I never want to speak
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to you again. And I'm just like and she hangs up. And I'm
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like, what does she know? What's going on? So I walk out
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and I'm just like reeling. I'm still, you know, out of it
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because of the stroke and the drugs. And I get halfway across the little
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highway and five LA County sheriffs lay me out in the middle of the road,
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cuff me up and they're like, what were you doing over there?
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I'm like, what are you talking about? What were you doing in cast
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take? I was like, well, my mom's a school teacher and I
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went to ask a friend to use the phone. They're like, you're lying.
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I was like, no, I'm not. You're acting like I did
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a burgery or something. They're like, why did you say that? And
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they shut the door and took me to the station. Long story short,
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I won't get deep into that story, but they charged me with the tempted
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tempted residential burglary with person present, which is a violent crime. It was
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going to be my third strike, and it's a life sentence for knocking on
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the door. So I'm in jail and I'm just like, this is crazy.
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Knocked on someone's door for help. I left, I didn't look at
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anything, and I ended up I didn't know what to do. I took
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a deal. I was kind of railroaded into a deal. And I'm still
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trying to one day maybe look back and get that off my record, because
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it's totally bogus, Like they had video footage of me knocking on the door,
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not doing a crime, sure, but it was. The LA District
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Attorney's office is renowned to be a corrupt you know, the San Fernando office,
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they have a ninety nine point seven percent conviction rate because they knew how
20:30
to railroad people, and so it was rough. I ended up going to
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prison. I did two years with eighty five percent, and I was really
20:38
bitter the whole time. I was bitter over what had happened on the streets.
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And when I got to jail, some things would happen with the jailers
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and the sheriffs where they didn't like me either because I was speaking up against
20:51
what was wrong, and so I had a lot of enemies and I was
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just ready. I was ready to fight for my life. So I was
20:59
in there and I was just stewing on that, and then my dad,
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you know, he gave up on me. He said, I'm done with
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you. I don't care if you do life. You know, my family
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couldn't get an attorney, and I was the one time I was innocent.
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No one believed me anymore. Yeah, so I get back out. I
21:17
go to my Bible study again. When I got out of prison, I
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started working on it, and I, you know, they started telling me,
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you know, all you're doing is hurting yourself by being bitter at your
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father and all these other people. It's you know, it's going to kill
21:30
you. And it was so hard, and I was just like, so,
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I'm so supposed to just forgive them when they're the ones that were mad
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at me when I was being honest, and it was like it didn't make
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any Yeah, what a concept. It was ridiculous. It's insane, and
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it was just like, no, Like I'm I was always the person that
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forgave everyone. Now I'm finally bitter because some real stuff happened and I have
21:56
to be the one again that does the right thing. I couldn't believe it,
22:00
but I finally I did, and things started getting better. You know.
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I got a job with the prison ministry, the one that I first
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went to before that prison term, and they gave me an opportunity to help
22:14
guys that were getting out from doing life and giving them jobs. And they
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allowed me to start a business for them to do brush abatement and to help
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them. And so I got to hire like fifteen guys and bring to work
22:26
every day in California. Yeah, this is in California. Okay, So
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how do you get to North Dakota. So COVID hit. Oh yeah,
22:34
that COVID. The ministry started not having a lot of money. We couldn't
22:38
go do things, and I'm struggling to make ends meet my mom's stress.
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We're gardening, We're doing all these things to make sure we're going to survive
22:48
because California was really crazy during COVID. No one could leave their home unless
22:52
you were a critical worker. Well I was. I was delivering groceries for
22:56
one of the uber places, So I was a critical worker. Okay.
23:00
So I was going out and I had a girlfriend at the time, and
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she was a blackout drunk and it started affecting me. She got me drinking
23:08
a little bit with her, and then I started using meth again, and
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I was trying to maintain and I was honest. I'd go to church,
23:17
I'd tell my pastor what was going on, and you know, he just
23:21
like, don't don't give up, keep on going, you know. And
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one night it was just I had some rough stuff happening in my relationship.
23:30
It wasn't working well, and I decided, you know what, I'm done.
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I'm shutting my phone off. I'm going to disappear because life is just
23:37
not going to work for me. Because every time I try, you know,
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like the ministry job, I felt like it was not going to work
23:42
out. I was I was volunteering so much time and I wasn't getting paid
23:47
for it, and I wasn't looking at the big picture. It was about
23:48
me still, you know. And so I was like, I'm just gonna
23:52
give up, you know, because I'm a waste to my family, my
23:56
son. They don't really need me. So I end up getting a bunch
24:00
of dope and I had plenty of money at the time, and I ended
24:03
up in the valley in LA just running around and doing dope with random people,
24:07
and just crazy things started happening, and it was I've dealt with mental
24:14
illness and depression, and it was just hitting me really hard because everything I
24:19
could see something I hear music and it's just related. I'd watch something,
24:23
I'd see someone, and I was connecting all these things where sometimes they didn't
24:27
need to be connected. And I ended up calling one of my homeboys in
24:33
Bakersfield, who you know, he's a gang member. You know he's been
24:37
you know, he's been to prison multiple times for shootings. And those are
24:41
the people I hang out with. And I call him because he's my boy,
24:45
and hey come up here, and so I go up there. Well,
24:48
on the way on the freeway, I realize my wallet's gone. Someone
24:51
checked my wallet, so I got no money. So he gives me a
24:53
few hundred bucks when I get there, and I start shooting dope with him,
24:56
and h my insanity just got worse, and I started looking around and
25:03
I stopped trusting my own friends, Like these were people that I had done
25:07
time in prison for years with, and in prison, like I trusted them
25:11
one hundred percent because when there was a riot that popped off or something else
25:14
that popped off, I knew we'd kill for each other, like we'd have
25:17
to because it was survival. And I trusted them one hundred percent. Like
25:19
when they were in prison I was out, I'd send them money, I
25:22
would send them books. So I thought those were my true friends, and
25:26
they are friends. I still got love for him, but they were in
25:30
addiction, and I was looking at him like, I don't really trust you,
25:33
man, you don't really have my back, you know. And I'd
25:37
always had their back, And slowly but surely I started questioning everyone, and
25:42
it got to a point where once again I had a gun. I was
25:48
asking. I was asking my prole agent, I need help, and he's
25:52
like, you're just mentally ill. You're going to the side court. So
25:55
I finally made it in some There was some really crazy stuff that was happening
25:59
in my life. When you get into this lifestyle, you know, especially
26:03
where I'm from, some really crazy stuff happens. You know, people are
26:07
getting murdered, buried, all this stuff. People are messed with you a
26:11
lot, and it can be scary. I'm the dummy that will push back
26:15
and fight, because I finally got to that at that when COVID hit two,
26:19
I finally got to the point where I was just so tired. I
26:22
wasn't gonna just let people do anything to me, to her, to you,
26:26
or anyone else. I was tired of seeing people taking advantage of so
26:30
anytime I saw something happening to someone. I was gonna fight for that person
26:36
because no one else was fighting for him. So I was ready to die
26:40
for anyone like I was gonna. I was gonna end up dying because I
26:45
thought something was gonna happen to my son. And I ended up trying to
26:48
kill one of my friends. And I when my my agent's like, you're
26:52
going to the psych ward, I was like okay, and I knew like
26:53
I needed a solution quick. So we went to the hospital. My mom
26:59
drove me and he followed up, and I go in there. I talked
27:00
to the psychiatrist and he's like, look, I don't think you're crazy,
27:03
man, I believe you. I'm going to try to get you help,
27:07
but you just got to wait here for a little bit. And I had
27:08
a broken hand because I'd broke my hand on something, and I broke my
27:11
foot getting into a fight, and like I wasn't in good shape, you
27:15
know, sounds like yeah, I'm supposed to have surgery. And I'm running
27:19
around high and the cast is like this far off my arm. It's not
27:22
even on my arm anymore because I'm driving, and it was ridiculous. So
27:27
I wait so long and They're like, we don't know. We can't get
27:30
a hold of anyone. So I walked back out the hospital. My agent
27:33
my mom are still there, and my agents like, what the heck are
27:36
you doing out here? You're supposed to be in the psych word And I
27:38
was like, look, the psychiatrist said, I'm not crazy. He believes
27:44
me, So can you help me now? Can you get me treat And
27:47
he's like, well, you give me a call in a few weeks.
27:49
And I'm looking at him like, do you understand my situation? This is
27:52
life or death for me. It's always been life or death on the streets.
27:56
You know. He knows what I've run around with, he knows my
28:00
lifestyle, and he knows what I'm doing good. I made one hundred percent.
28:04
Like people will be like, wow, that's the greatest guy ever.
28:07
He does all this stuff. When I'm using, I'm I'm still a good
28:14
person, but I'm dangerous and I'm a danger to myself. So he says
28:21
that, And my mom's afraid to bring me home, and I don't want
28:22
her to bring me to the house and be around my son. So I
28:26
go to a hotel room. I'm staying there. Things are getting worse.
28:29
I'm looking for guns still because I need a gun because it's either kill or
28:32
be killed. And I decide. I go to my Tuesday night meeting,
28:37
my Bible study, and I talked to my pastor and he did nineteen years.
28:41
He did triple life for a burglary and he got out after a seventeen
28:44
or nineteen years or something like that, so he understands the whole lifestyle.
28:48
And I tell him the situation. I was like, I don't know what
28:51
to do. And he's like, look, if you don't quit soon,
28:56
this is going to have a lifelong if it's going to take years to recover
29:00
from this, and I was like, God's always blessed me. I come
29:03
back right after I get clean. He was kind of right, you know,
29:08
I thought i'd be it would be easy. It is hard, you
29:11
know. The longer you go, the harder it is. Yeah, but
29:15
we still got to get back. But so I tell him, look,
29:18
I don't know what I'm gonna do. But I feel like if I stay
29:22
here, I'm either doing life I'll be dead or someone else is gonna be
29:27
dead. So I'm thinking I'm gonna flee because pro can I help me?
29:33
And he's like, I agree with you. He's like, I think you
29:37
need to focus on yourself and making sure you're okay and then worry about your
29:42
tail later. So that's what I did. I called my mom and I
29:47
told her, and she's just like, ah, that's horrible. That's a
29:48
bad idea. And I was like, Mom, it's my only choice.
29:52
If I stay here, something bad is gonna happen. So she was trying
29:56
to prevent it. And I said, look, I'm gonna start packing my
29:57
stuff and get ready. Friday comes, my par agent shows up and he's
30:03
like, where the hell have you been? And I was like, well,
30:07
look, I have an idea. I'm thinking I'm gonna leave because you
30:11
can't get me into treatment, so I'm gonna take off for it. He's
30:12
like, yeah, you do that, man, You're going straight back to
30:15
prison. You you better report Monday morning or I'm coming to get you.
30:19
I'm gonna put a PAO, a probe yet large out for you. We're
30:22
gonna find you. I was like, okay, I'll see you on Monday.
30:26
So I really started loading up. I said, Mom, I gotta
30:30
leave Sunday, man, because they're gonna have They're gonna they're gonna be after
30:33
me on Monday, and she's just crying. My mom my son's just like
30:37
and because at the point, I'm like, I may never see you guys
30:41
again. I don't know what's gonna happen. And my son is like,
30:47
he's in the room crying. He doesn't know what to do, and you
30:49
don't know what to do. I just knew I wanted them to be safe.
30:55
Yeah, and this was my only chance. So I packed up.
31:00
I tried to head north through California because I was afraid they'd get me at
31:03
the borders because they had the border shut down anyways. Oh yeah, and
31:07
I got caught up. It's crazy shit, excuse me. Crazy stuff happened,
31:14
and so I was like, wow, I'm not going to make it
31:17
out of the borders here. So I went back down south, ended up
31:18
going through La South Central, staying for a while because I was just trying
31:23
to find my way out of the state, and then on the reservation with
31:26
one of my homeboys, trying to get a gun again and we got into
31:30
it. I went to jail, they got me on a weapon and miraculously,
31:37
I don't know if this miraculously, but it is because I've never been
31:41
released from jail in my life in California. If I was in jail,
31:44
I go to prison. There's no being released from jail ever except for my
31:48
first uy. So I'm in there and I got to selly and I'm just
31:52
like, he's like, you need to pray, man, you know prayer
31:56
works this, this and that. I'm like, look, I've been praying
31:57
my whole life and it never works, man. And I'm not saying I
32:01
don't believe, and he's like, look, just pray. So child Titan
32:06
comes, we eat, and I get up on my bed and I start
32:09
praying, and I said, look, I'm not trying to be selfish God,
32:15
but I got to get released. There's some things going on and I
32:19
can't go back to prison right now. It's going to get bad and blah
32:22
blah blah. And like literally, I said, I am in and the
32:24
PA system goes off and it's like Hatten, my name was Hatton before,
32:30
and it says, roll it up, you're getting released. The DA rejected
32:35
the charges and they released me, and I was just like and I look
32:39
at my celling and I was like, he's like, I told you.
32:42
I was like, I just said amen, like, I didn't even get
32:45
a chance to do anything else. It was already answered. It was crazy.
32:47
So I got released. I had some struggles. I finally got out
32:51
the state and I had Mike, Like. I still have this roadmap that
32:55
I took because I didn't trust phones, and I had my paths, so
32:59
I, you know, I was working my path and my my cousin paper
33:01
map. Yeah, I had a paper map. I still have it in
33:05
my storage today and it has all my different routes that I was trying to
33:07
take out of California. But so I you know, I'm staying at hotels,
33:13
getting drunk and eating food. And I finally make it to North Dakota,
33:16
and I thought it was the mountains and I was going to become a
33:19
mountain man. I had my sleeping bag, my tent, my stove.
33:22
Thought North Dakota had mountains. You know, I never really thought about it.
33:27
I was just hoping it was away from people because I was I was
33:30
becoming I was becoming a hermit. You know. I didn't like being around
33:36
people. I felt like I was a burden and I would never get along
33:38
with people. So I was ready to survive and if the law came after
33:44
me. I was going to run into the mountains and I could climb up
33:45
cliff and get away and they'd never get me. You know, That's where
33:47
I'd live the rest of my life. But I get here, and I
33:52
get to Bismarck, I'm like, you know, the first thing I'm doing
33:54
is looking for drugs, and you know, they had advised I went to
34:00
team challenge my cousin until this sober living opened up in another state that was
34:04
nearby that his military friends were opening. So I got here and you know,
34:10
first person, I was like, oh, that's a drug addict.
34:13
Hey can you get some dope for me? And they're like, what,
34:16
I don't do drugs. And I'm just like, oh sorry, And I'm
34:19
just driving around aimlessly trying to find drugs. And it wasn't going well because
34:23
it's a different world here, you know, and I probably I didn't realize
34:28
how different I was from people here, or I'm not different, but I
34:32
sounded different and maybe I looked different. I didn't fit in for some reason.
34:37
But I ended up meeting some people that are still my friends today that
34:40
kind of helped me out. And I ended up, you know, on
34:44
the streets living in my car for a long time, and then the law
34:47
got came back for me, and so they put me in jail because they
34:51
were already on me when I got here. I had California plates. I'm
34:54
this flashy person that talks fast and plays loud music. Again, I don't
35:00
mean to be that way. It's just my personality, sure, you know.
35:04
And so I kind of stood out to the law. Plus I have
35:07
all these people and I don't know what their involvement is with the law,
35:09
and I probably brought a lot of heat on myself. So there's an extradition
35:15
charge for me, and they put me in jail for extradition and I'm like,
35:19
God, I'd met this girl and I thought I was in love with
35:22
her, and I'm in jail. And after three weeks they released me because
35:25
no one picked me up. And I was like, I told you guys,
35:29
like I don't have major charges. I just ran. I'm trying to
35:30
get help. That's why I came here, trying to get away from there.
35:34
So I'm out and I'm trying to get my stuff together. And a
35:37
few weeks later they put me back in jail and try to extradite me again,
35:39
and I'm just like And it was parole in California that was doing it.
35:43
They kept on putting the pl and it was an extradition when where they
35:46
could extradite me wow, So it wasn't like sometimes you'll have one and they'll
35:51
be like, oh, we can't. We're not going to take you to
35:52
jail. They can't get you on that. So they kept on doing it,
35:55
and finally I was like, look, what do you want me to
35:58
do. I have no money, I'm homeless, I don't have identification.
36:01
How am I supposed to get back there if they're not going to come get
36:05
me? And so my ex wife she and before we were married, she
36:08
ended up getting me over there. So I got some money together and we
36:13
drove back to California and I figured it out. They made me do some
36:17
day treatment phone, you know with the video Oh sure like meetings, yeah,
36:22
like zoom. Well i'd gone in. It was supposed to be like
36:24
in meeting and they're like, have you had a cough or anything in the
36:27
past few weeks? And I didn't even think about it, And I was
36:29
like, well, yeah, They're like okay, unfortunately you can't do the
36:31
classes. Now you're gonna have to do zoom, and I was like yes
36:35
because it was like a forty five minute drive for my home. So I
36:37
ended up doing that. I was still an active addiction though I was still
36:42
using, but I had got off the needle and just started smoking because I
36:45
told me, because that was actually it was an major improvement for me,
36:51
because I ended up in a different dimension. When I'm on drugs using a
36:55
needle, it's bad psychosis. Yeah, so and it's not fun because it's
37:00
so real. You're not going to tell me it's psychosis. I don't care
37:04
what anyone says. I still struggle with the reality, what's reality and what's
37:08
not real? And it's hard every day thinking like I was insane. It's
37:14
hard to believe that, you know. So I got into like the sober
37:19
living for a while and at a teen challenge okay, and I was doing
37:23
good. Ended up relapsing on the streets again. I got back. I
37:28
had my own apartment for a while, got evicted. I was an addiction
37:31
and got evicted from there. Was homeless, freezing to death that first winter,
37:38
and I had a friend, a close friend of mine. She stayed
37:40
with me in my car and made sure I was okay, got another apartment
37:45
and it became the trap House. It was a nightmare and I wasn't trying
37:50
to sell. I was trying to get clean and start working, but it
37:52
was like I couldn't. I was so worried about everybody else on the streets,
37:58
but not me. I was, And I even knew I was my
38:00
last concern because I was like, I'm going to be the sacrificial lamb.
38:05
As long as they're okay, the world will be better. So I was
38:07
letting everyone on the streets in, but they were, you know, on
38:12
blues, they were on everything, and like I can't say no when you
38:15
put drugs in a needle to me, you know. And so I kept
38:19
on going. But I'd always like try to talk this positive talk to them
38:22
and thinking that was going to make a difference. But how could I really
38:25
have a big impact if I'm still using because I'm not showing them the example
38:31
I'm telling them about, Like I knew because I'd done it before, but
38:36
I wasn't showing them and I wasn't making the impact I needed, And it
38:39
just got worse and worse to where it was I was getting raided, I
38:43
was getting arrested, at my front door and then I get out of here
38:45
in Bismarck. Yeah, it was. It was horrible. And I had
38:51
all these friends saying they they were worried about me, and they were helping
38:53
me, and they weren't deeper an addiction than I was because I didn't really
38:57
mess with the blues or anything, and I didn't like the blues, so
39:00
they kept on trying to get me to do them. And can you tell
39:04
the listeners with the blues? What is the BLA? Thank you? So
39:08
I've always been against it. When I when I met my ex wife,
39:12
she was on them, and my mission was to get her off of them,
39:15
because if someone had her die on them, I was going to kill
39:19
them. Like you you kill my family, I'm going to kill you,
39:22
especially if it's drugs and they're docent people with something that's going to kill someone.
39:24
That's how I see it, you know, like they're giving us drugs
39:30
that are killing everyone. Wouldn't you be mad if your friend died from something
39:35
someone gave them, you know? So I got her off of blues before
39:39
we went to California, and as far as I know, she's off of
39:43
them still. I don't know, but Anyhow, it got bad there.
39:46
Everyone was doing them. They started, you know, it started becoming the
39:52
store for all drugs at my home. And I kept on saying, I
39:55
don't want this here, and in my insanity, I couldn't hold back my
40:00
anger. I gained this major anger issue, anger problem. And it was
40:07
because I'm such a nice person. I've hurt people before, but I've always
40:12
like i'd beat someone up or do something bad to someone, and I'd have
40:15
to go make sure they were okay later on, and like let them know,
40:19
look, I'm sorry I did this because you did this, you know,
40:22
but I don't hate you. Get your stuff together, you know.
40:28
But now it was like it was so bottled up. I knew I was
40:31
going to do something. I could you know, it would be so easy
40:36
to kill someone, you know, because I just I couldn't hold it in
40:39
anymore. So like people would be in my apartment and I'd finally just all
40:44
right, get my shoes on, and it'd be the middle of the winter,
40:46
you know, four feet of snow on the ground, middle of the
40:49
night, and I'd just leave and I'd walk and I'd stay out in this
40:52
cold. I'd be like, they can have the apartment, you know,
40:54
like I can't control it anymore. And if I get violent, or if
40:58
I tell them to leave, not going to and I'm gonna get violent and
41:00
I'm gonna hurt them, and then I'm the bad guy and I'm gonna be
41:02
in jail because they're saying I'm this horrible, violent person. I felt like
41:07
I didn't have any options. They were forcing my choices, so I end
41:12
up on the streets again, and then I got evicted. The reason I'm
41:16
getting sober now is because everyone I've come in contact with since since this time
41:23
I got it, I used. And that's including my old friends and addiction
41:29
people. I was just using with my family. Tyler at West Central Tim,
41:36
my social worker. Tyler was a big part of it because he would
41:39
never give up on me. I told him I wasn't. I kind of
41:44
wasn't made for rehab right now because I have some major PTSD issues. I've
41:49
been I've been known to crawl and addicts and spaces and like freak out because
41:53
I hear voices, and like I can't go to the homely shelter because I
41:58
hear everyone's voices, you know, they're in my head. It feels like,
42:01
and so he every week I'd meet with him while I was on the
42:06
streets, and it helped me because I'd be down, like ready to give
42:09
up, and he'd be like, well, let's just go for a drive.
42:12
We need some food, and I'd be like, yeah, So we
42:14
go to the church to get a free box and we just talk and I'd
42:17
tell him how I felt about the streets, and you know, for the
42:21
most part, he agrees with me. So like I had an ally,
42:24
you know, and that was a big thing in like West Central. It's
42:30
amazing what they do there. I've never seen anything like that anywhere else where.
42:34
They help people like that, you know, like then they don't give
42:38
up on you, and it's like you have a whole team. That's ridiculous.
42:43
Like where else do you get a whole team of people to help you
42:45
get clean? You know. But then I ran into Crystal, my old
42:49
friend, and she offered that seeing me on the streets, and I was
42:52
like, Okay, let's hope this goes through. But like I said,
42:55
the interview went through. Tyler took me over there and I got in,
43:00
and you know, that was early August. I started going there and it
43:05
still wasn't easy. About two weeks in I relapsed. I was working at
43:12
Denny's, but I was riding my bicycle from Denny's up to the you know,
43:15
and going through that old neighborhood, the trailers and everything. I have
43:20
the big hill climb before I get home, and I'd be tired on the
43:23
bike after work and I'd stop at a friend's house and just hang out,
43:28
wouldn't use her anything and talk to them. They'd always be like, oh,
43:30
we're so proud of you, you know, and like it made me
43:31
feel good. And I felt like maybe I was like, you know what
43:35
they're seeing, I'm doing good, so this is going to help them,
43:37
you know. But I wasn't ready yet. Like a week or two went
43:42
by and I relapsed. Something happened, and you know, bottom line was
43:46
I shouldn't have been where I was, you know. So but I came
43:51
back and they let me stay, and you know that I have people like
43:57
Aurora and all all my other friends there, and it was it was uncomfortable
44:01
because people started worrying about me and caring about me, when in addiction,
44:07
all these people said they were worried and cared about me, but they were
44:13
talking behind my back. They didn't care if I was homeless. They helped
44:16
me lose my apartments, and they really didn't care. All they cared about
44:21
was their next high. And I get that, but like I wasn't getting
44:24
what I needed, you know, it was And I haven't trusted anyone in
44:28
a long time. So when I first got this sober living and right now,
44:32
I'm still having a hard time taking help and trusting people, even though
44:39
I know they're helping me. It's really hard because you know, I got
44:45
to the point where I didn't trust the law. I didn't trust my family
44:49
anymore. I didn't trust my friends. The only one person in the world
44:52
I trusted was my son, but I wasn't allowed to be around them,
44:55
So why would I start trusting people now? You know. So it's been
45:02
hard, but it's been good because I'll make mistakes and I like it because
45:10
they trust I'm telling the truth to them and they can see it. And
45:16
there's there's they're not giving up on me, you know, that funesty piece
45:22
right justin well, you know, if we're gonna lie to ourselves, then
45:25
we're never gonna make it. Like I've been an honest person for quite some
45:30
time, not about everything, but the past. I'd say the past five
45:34
years of my life. I started changing my addiction where I used to lie
45:37
to my family because I was so ashamed of who I was and what I
45:40
did. But I saw how painful it was, so I started when I
45:45
when I got real bad in the needles, I told my mom, look,
45:47
I shoot, dope, you don't understand. It's like the devil is
45:51
taken over. I have no control, the devil has my life, and
45:54
I wanted them to know. And then from there I would always tell my
45:58
mom what was going on, but then it started hurting her and it was
46:02
painful for us. So then I started like lightening up the truth to make
46:06
it a little easier for her to you know, to swallow. But it's
46:12
like lying never got me anywhere. You're never gonna get help. Lying,
46:15
you know, you're not going to have true friends. Lying you know you're
46:20
not going to have anything life unless you're honest about it. And it's hard,
46:22
it's painful, but I think it's the only way, like we find
46:28
a solution anything, because if we're lying about our lives and our struggles,
46:32
like how were we going to find a solution to the real problem if we're
46:36
making solutions for the lies. You know, I wasn't comfortable going to meetings
46:39
at first because I've done them for years. But and plus I wasn't comfortable
46:44
around people. But I started going to meetings. I started helping out around
46:52
the house. I'm working for Josh, the owner of Tied for Second where
46:58
I live, and which is amazing because it makes me feel important. He
47:02
gives you know, he gives me duties that like I feel like he trusts
47:06
me, you know. You know, he has a fire truck. Like
47:09
I didn't drive it very far, but he gave me the keys and he
47:12
said, yeah, yeah, you know, and I got to drive it
47:15
in and wash it. And I was like, wow, I'm in a
47:16
fire truck, you know, Like this is cool, you know. But
47:21
I try to help the guys around the house. The girls across the street
47:23
are constantly taking me to meetings. But I'm getting to know people, and
47:29
I think the most amazing thing is I go to meetings and never in my
47:34
life in recovery have I seen so many people from my active addiction in recovery.
47:39
Now, It's like every meeting I go do, there's ten fifteen people
47:44
at these big meetings and they're like hey, justin hey, and it's just
47:46
like, wow, I don't remember this in recovery ever in my life,
47:51
you know. And then I got a sponsor this week, so yeah,
47:55
thank you. And it's funny because I've had sponsors before, but I usually
48:00
just end up with the one guy that finally says yes because they're like,
48:04
oh, I'm fuller, you know you know this, or that you know
48:08
you don't you don't look rugged enough, or I don't know what it was,
48:13
I look pretty rugged, you know. So don't you feel that asking
48:17
somebody to be your sponsor is one of the most fear based things because that
48:25
feeling of being rejected. What if they say no and you had that experience.
48:30
I've had it before, and you know what, this time, for
48:32
some odd reason, I just knew this guy had to be my sponsor because
48:38
I just his personality and it kind of had my doubt my mind, like,
48:44
you know, he may say no, but I asked him and he
48:46
was just like, yep, no problem. I was like, wow,
48:49
huh, that was way easy. And it's like I don't know, I'm
48:52
I mean, we're going to meet in a few days for our first personal
48:57
meeting. But it seems like it's gonna it's gonna be good because he's you
49:02
know it. Sometimes it's hard. Like my last sponsor, he was an
49:06
alcoholic and he dabbled in drugs a little bit, but when he got to
49:08
know me, he got kind of scared and overwhelmed and he's like, look,
49:14
you may be beyond my scope of you know, experience, because you've
49:19
been through so much. Like I don't know if I could help you because
49:22
this is like, this is a lot. And I was like, I
49:27
don't know what to tell you. I've been through a lot and I just
49:29
need help. So we tried, but it didn't work out. But like
49:32
this guy, he seems to be right down my alley, you know,
49:36
same personality. He's been through a lot of stuff. And yeah, so
49:40
I'm excited about that. So justin do you feel that I'm just I'm very
49:50
spiritual. Do you feel that God just dropped you here in Bismarck, North
49:57
Dakota because you've deserved all the support, all the love, and all the
50:05
recovery that you're working on. That's a tough one because, uh, I've
50:10
never wanted to be important or special I've always felt like I wanted everyone around
50:15
me to glow and like that makes me feel good with everyone around me feeling
50:20
good. So I'm always like I don't want the lame night. I don't
50:22
want to and I always get like attention out in town. Not good attention
50:27
always, but like right, it's like I'm nobody, you know. But
50:30
like so I've struggled with that thought, like why me, like cause sometimes
50:37
it feels like I I go place and it's like wow, this feels like
50:40
it's like a movie, you know, And I didn't feel like I deserved
50:45
that for a long time. But uh, I know there's a reason for
50:50
everything. I'm just still trying to find the answer to that because it's that's
50:54
a big question for me. But I know he did, because like there's
50:58
been too many things that have happened in my life that there's no other explanation
51:01
for except for my higher power of the Creator, whatever you want to call
51:06
him. I don't know what his name is, but uh hm hmm.
51:09
I have a reason to be here, and there's a reason I went through
51:12
everything in my life. You know, it wasn't for nothing, Like all
51:15
those experiences, they weren't just to torture me and make me suffer. Like
51:22
there's a reason I have those experiences to share with other people and help them.
51:28
You know, maybe not yet, but hopefully soon. You know.
51:31
That's the one thing I'm working on is trying to step back because it's like
51:35
so hard for me going out and seeing someone suffering, because I'll end up
51:39
suffering right with them, so they know they're not alone. But I can't
51:43
do that anymore. So yeah, and that's I know. There's a better
51:45
way, Yeah, there is. And what I like about your like your
51:52
story is you know, very powerful because in North Dakota, you know,
51:59
we are are somewhat sheltered. However, crime is increasing because of you know,
52:06
ventanol and other things. Yeah. So when you were describing being in
52:13
California and just literally going in circles and then you just got out you're here
52:21
in North Dakota to climb the mountains, I bet that was a shock that
52:27
killed your Mountains aren't even mountains, but you know how passionate you are about
52:36
forgiving yourself and moving forward. And this is what I experienced, and it's
52:42
yuck, but that's not really who I am. Yeah, I'm working on
52:46
that still, I know that's the truth, because that's the truth I tell
52:50
everybody else every time I try to help someone, I'm like, that doesn't
52:52
matter. That was a forced those were the circumstances. Sometimes people do things
52:58
in life and we're all ashamed of things. They could be horrible things,
53:00
but we don't know what happened to that person in the past or why they
53:04
did it. Because I feel like we're all just a ball of energy of
53:07
things that we've absorbed from around us. We're just a product of our environments.
53:13
And if I were in your shoes growing up, you know, I
53:15
would be you, you know, but I'm not. I'm me, and
53:19
I can't say who you are, why you are the way you are.
53:22
That's why I try not to judge people, even like the bad people.
53:24
I'm just like, you know what, I don't understand why they're there,
53:28
but I hope something changes for him, you know. So another thing that
53:31
you said is that you know, you get out of prison and some of
53:37
these construction jobs, you know, they trust you. They'd give you a
53:40
truck, here's a bunch of money, here's some guys, and now you're
53:45
you're living in a sober living facility and somebody saying, hey, justin can
53:52
you can you put this door up? I don't know if that's how it
53:55
works, and you don't got a bunch of guys working under you no where.
54:00
It's bringing you down to being really humble. Yeah, it's uh.
54:06
I thought I'd humbled myself a lot already by exposing all my everything, you
54:13
know, like my whole, my heart and everything. I exposed it to
54:15
everyone. So I was humbling myself before, but this is a different humbling
54:21
starting from the bottom. And I'm I'm actually I thought about it, you
54:25
know what, I'm gonna get my tools and go back to plumbing and do
54:28
this, or I want to start this nonprofit and do this. But it's
54:30
okay, you know, it's just like I need to slow down because I'm
54:35
always worried it's like the end of the world, Like I'm not going to
54:37
have time to pursue my dreams, and I'm going to pursue my dreams.
54:42
But sometimes it's good to be humble and remember where we came from, because
54:46
that's that's the path I've been down for quite a few years now, since
54:51
this is the longest relapse of my life. It's been very humbling because I
54:54
and I'm staying humble because when we're not humble, like we end up with
55:00
this personality, this this cocky personality that you know, we think we're better
55:06
than people and we deserve this and we deserve that. And I think we
55:08
all deserve the same, you know. And I don't mind. Like I'm
55:13
learning. Like there's younger guys, you know, I work with, and
55:15
they've been there longer than me. So I'm biting my tongue and I'm like,
55:21
okay, yes, sir. I don't say yes sir, but I'm
55:23
like, okay, I'll do it. And that's fine, you know what,
55:27
because if we work hard, do what we're supposed to do, put
55:30
put an effort into it, and show that you know what you're doing,
55:34
everyone, anyone could move up. It's always happened with me. I get
55:37
a job, I bust my behind and I do what I'm supposed to do
55:43
and I prove, oh, I can figure this out. I've always moved
55:46
up, moved up the ladder really fast, and I know anyone can do
55:51
it. And I'm always telling my friends that and they're like, whatever,
55:52
we don't believe you. I'm like, geez, you know even you know,
55:58
sometimes you know, maybe this is the time in your life where you're
56:01
not supposed to move up the ladder. Maybe you're supposed to be humble,
56:06
which means ground which I never knew before. And maybe you're just supposed to
56:13
be there to just help those that are still suffering. That there's so many
56:20
of us out there that don't get it for a very long time, or
56:25
just don't get it lose their lives. True. I think one of the
56:30
biggest things I've learned this time around was the importance of things in my life,
56:36
like what's most important, what's the least important? Yeah? Yeah,
56:39
and my dad, my mom. A lot of people don't agree with me,
56:43
but probably the least important thing, even though it's a necessity, is
56:45
money. I could care less about money if I have food, shelter,
56:52
friends, you know, I'm happy. I don't care. Did you say
56:54
clothes, Well, yeah, clothes are important. Clothes are important. Yeah,
56:59
I learned that here. It gets pretty cold, exactly, it does.
57:02
And that's what I like about doing this podcast is I've never met you
57:07
before, and it's been an absolute pleasure. You have the best smile,
57:14
and that's something that just hearing the stories, and everybody is at a different
57:22
space in their recovery. So if we look at somebody who has years and
57:28
years, we're all at risk. And that's why we need to surround ourselves
57:32
with people who really, really care about us. And you know, you're
57:37
talking about getting guns and and and then you're you know, insanity, Well
57:44
not that, but you got tears in your eyes. You know, it's
57:46
like you have this soft, soft heart. So you know where we come
57:51
from and where we're going and and yeah, thank you so much. Would
57:59
you be willing to close with the serenity prayer? Yeah? Can I also
58:04
just shout out from to my house and all the guys at the house,
58:07
all the girls across the street, and Tyler at West Central. So yeah,
58:10
absolutely, all the girls who come get you and take you to meet
58:15
Yes they do. I have a whole army. And they hunted me down
58:17
this week. They were worried about me, and they got the Bounty Hunter
58:22
Award for finding me. That is so cool. I love that. Okay,
58:30
ready, yep, God, God grab me the serenity to accept the
58:37
things I cannot change, the courage to change the things that can, and the difference