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English Unleashed: Mastering Natural Phone Conversations · SpeakSmart English

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Your phone rings, it's just a number, no caller ID.
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: You haven't prepared anything. Your immediate physical reality is suddenly
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: interrupted by this, well, this really sharp, demanding sound, and
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: in the next three seconds you have to answer it,
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: figure out exactly who is invading your space, and then
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: negotiate just how much of your day they're allowed to
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: take up.
• 0:20
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, it is a completely unique cognitive environment.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: Right, It's intense and welcome to our in depth exploration
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: of the high Wire act. That is the audio only
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: phone call. Because when we communicate via email or text,
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: we have this massive luxury of time. You draft a message,
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: you read it over, you delete that slightly passive aggressive sentence,
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: you soften the tone a bit, and then you hit send.
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: The whole architecture of that interaction is.
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: Visible and it's permanent.
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: But when you're on a live call, you are operating
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: entirely without a net. You have zero visual cues, absolutely
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: no body language to read, no eye contact to help
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: you gauge the other person's emotional state, and obviously no
• 0:59
  Speaker 2: time to draft response.
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: Exactly, you are literally processing auditory data in real time,
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: all while simultaneously managing your own verbal output and the
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: social relationship between you and this random caller.
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: It is a massive amount of mental heavy lifting.
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: It really is. And for you listening right now, whether
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: you are gearing up to handle high stakes international business calls,
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: or maybe you're trying to navigate a super frustrating customer
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: service labyrinth, or you're just fascinated by how we humans
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: manage to structure our audio communications to avoid unbearable awkwardness.
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: This conversation is tailored exactly for you.
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: Absolutely. The source material we're looking at today is incredible.
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: It's essentially a masterclass. We have this huge collection of practical,
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: everyday English sentences used on the phone. It covers everything
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: from work calls to friendly chats to booking appointments. But
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: our mission today is not just to recite a vocabulary list.
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: Right, No, definitely not. We are going to dissect the
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: hidden architecture of these interactions.
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we really want to look at why these specific
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: phrases work, like the actual mechanics of how they manage
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: social friction and how they successfully guide two people from
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: that very first hello all the way to a clean,
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: comfortable sign off.
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: Because when you really break down the linguistics of a
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: phone call, you quickly realize that a massive percentage of
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: what we say has absolutely nothing to do with the
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: actual transmission of facts.
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: Wait, really nothing to do.
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: With the facts, well, very little. We treat these common
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: phrases as filler or just automatic reflexes, but they are
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: actually highly calibrated social tools. They exist almost entirely to
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: mitigate anxiety, establish hierarchy, and keep the other person emotionally
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: comfortable while we process data.
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: Wow, okay, that is fascinating. So let's start at the
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: absolute beginning, right at the point of contact, the opening gambit.
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: The crucial first seconds of a call.
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah. In the materials we're studying, we see standard phrases
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: like hello, this is Tom speaking, or Hi, may I
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: speak to Sarah? Please? And good morning? How can I
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: help you? And then almost immediately after those, we see
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: these intent phrases like I'm calling about our meeting or
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: the very different I just wanted to check in with you.
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: Right, the transition from identity to intent.
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: To me, the opening of a phone call feels exactly
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: like offering a handshake in a pitch black room. You know,
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: you are reaching out into the void, basically hoping the
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: other person reaches back at the exact same height and angle.
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: A handshake in a dark room is a really interesting visual,
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: but I think it actually argue it doesn't quite capture
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: the stakes. Oh really, so well, A handshake implies a mutual,
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: pre agreed physical greeting both parties see it coming. But
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: the opening of a phone call is much more unilateral.
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: It's actually closer to a verbal ID check at a
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: security gate.
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: A security gate that sounds so much more hostile.
• 3:49
  Speaker 2: It kind of is. You aren't just greeting them, you
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: are proving you belong in their auditory space. The human
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: brain fundamentally hates ambiguity. Ambiguity signals potential danger, so when
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: the phone rings, it's an uninvited interruption, and the person
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: answering is placed in this state of mild cognitive suspension
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: until they can identify the threat level of the caller.
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: Oh wow, that makes perfect sense. Like if I pick
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: up the phone, say hello, and the person on the
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: other end just launches immediately into we need the quarterly
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: reports soon, my brain completely.
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: Freezes exactly because there's no context, right, I.
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: Am suddenly scrambling sorting through a mental rolodex of thousands
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: of voices trying to match the timber and pitch to
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: a known coworker, all while simultaneously trying to process their
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: demand about the reports is completely overwhelming.
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: Yes, you experience an immediate cognitive overload, and that is
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: exactly why the structural progression of the opening is designed
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: entirely to soothe that ambiguity. The sequence is vital and
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: almost completely rigid.
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: Okay, so walk me through the sequence.
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: First, you must establish identity. This is Tom speaking. You
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: are basically turning on a light in that dark room.
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: You are giving it a concrete name to a disembodied voice.
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: Let's look really closely at the phrasing there. Actually this
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: is Tom speaking. Why don't we say I am Tom.
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: I mean, when I meet someone in person, I say hi,
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: I'm Tom, But on the phone, I suddenly become a this.
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that is a brilliant linguistic quirk of the English
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: phone call. Saying I am Tom in person attaches the
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: identity to the physical body standing right in front of you.
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: But on the phone this refers to the voice on
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: the line. It acts as a slight formal distancing mechanism.
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: Huh So it's almost like I'm talking about myself and
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: the third person sort of.
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: It essentially translates to the voice originating from this side
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: of the connection belongs to Tom, and adding the word
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: speaking is a present tense anchor. It confirms that the
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: entity you are currently listening to is indeed the person
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: claiming the identity.
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: Okay, so we establish identity. The security gait has accepted
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: our id. Then if you aren't talking to the right person,
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: the material shows us moving to the routing phase, like
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: may I speak to Sarah please?
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: Right, you're navigating the space exactly.
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: You are essentially navigating the physical space of an office
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: building or a household using only your vocal cords. And
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: then crucially comes the third step, which is intent. I'm
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: calling about our meeting, so it's identity routing intent.
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: And if you scramble that exact order, the conversation instantly
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: feels chaotic.
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: Oh for sure.
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: If you declare your intent before your identity, like I'm
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: calling about the meeting, this is Tom, it forces the
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: listener to hold the data about the meeting in their
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: short term memory without actually knowing who they.
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: Are holding it for, which is exhausting.
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: It is it's socially aggressive because it demands cognitive labor
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: before establishing trust.
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: Now, regarding that intent phase, there's a massive split in
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: the examples we have From the source material. You have
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: a highly direct approach. I'm calling about our meeting. It's clean,
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: it's transactional. But then you have this completely different creature
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: entirely I just wanted to.
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: Check in with you, ah, the check in?
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah. The examples include things like I just wanted to
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: check in with you and see how the project is going,
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: or after your surgery, how are you feeling now? I
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: have always viewed checking in as a bit of a
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: corporate power move.
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: A power move.
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it feels like a boss saying I am demanding
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: an update, but I am wrapping it in a polite bow,
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: so you can't get mad at me.
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: Well, it can absolutely be weaponized in a corporate environment,
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: I'll give you that. But structurally and psychologically it serves
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: a much deeper function. Think about the specific words there,
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: I just wanted to check in. The word just acts
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: as a minimizer. Oh, like, it makes it smaller, exactly,
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: it shrinks the perceived weight of the interaction, and the
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: phrase check in implies a brief passing observation, almost like
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: checking a dial on a machine. Rather than launching a
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: full scale audit.
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: So it's basically a way of lowering the temperature of
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: the call.
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: It lowers the temperature drastically. By framing the intent as
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: a check in, you are signaling to the receiver's nervous
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: system that this call is not a crisis. You are
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: framing the conversation around connection rather than demands.
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: Even if you do actually need something from them.
• 8:03
  Speaker 2: Right, even if you desperately need the status report on
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: the project. Phrasing it as seeing how the project is
• 8:10
  Speaker 2: going makes the other person feel valued as an autonomous
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: human being rather than interrogated as a subordinate. It manages
• 8:17
  Speaker 2: their emotional comfort so they are more willing to yield
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: the data you want.
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: That is so manipulative, but also brilliant. What about the
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: person receiving the call? The material gives us the classic
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: customer service opener, good morning, how can I help you today?
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: Or how can I help you with your booking?
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: That is a master stroke of establishing conversational hierarchy from
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: the very first breath, really house, When a representative answers
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: with how can I help you, they are instantly and
• 8:45
  Speaker 2: deliberately handing total conversational control over to the caller. They
• 8:49
  Speaker 2: are acknowledging that the caller is the driver of this interaction.
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: Oh wow, Yeah, defines the roles immediately.
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: Exactly, eliminating any power struggle. The representative becomes the facilitator
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: and the caller becomes the director.
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: All right, so we've successfully cleared the security gate. We've
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: established who we are, we've navigated to the correct target,
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: and we've declared our intent, whether that's a direct business
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: need or a soft temperature lowering check in.
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: But just because you stated your intent doesn't mean the
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: other person is actually ready to process it, which brings
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: us to the negotiation of time and boundaries, what we
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: might call the politeness protocols.
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: This is where the real social dance occurs. You've made contact,
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: but now you have to secure permission to proceed.
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and our materials highlight these fantastic phrases for checking
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: the other person's reality is this a good time to
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: talk or I hope I'm not calling it a bad time,
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: And conversely, phrases for the receiver to set boundaries like
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: I can't talk right now, can I call you back?
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: Can you give me ten minutes? Let's talk a bit later, Okay, yeah,
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: I'll call you as soon as I can.
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: All very standard, very effective tools.
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: But here's what I don't fully understand. Why do we
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: ask is this a good time to talk? If they
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: answered the phone, haven't they already implicitly agreed to talk?
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: I mean, they've picked it up.
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: That is a very logical assumption, but it ignores the
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: reflexive nature of modern technology. Answering a ringing phone is
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: often an involuntary muscle.
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: Movement, like catching a falling glass.
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: Exactly we hear the chime, our hand reaches out, and
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: we swipe the screen before our higher reasoning centers have
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: even evaluated what we are doing. Answering the phone is
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: a reflex, but engaging in a conversation is a choice.
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: So asking is this a good time is giving them
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: a chance to override their own reflex It's like walking
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: down a hallway, seeing an office door that is slightly
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: a jar and knocking on the doorframe. You are physically present,
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: your voice is already inside their ear, but you are
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: formally requesting permission to cross the threshold into their mental space.
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: That is the perfect way to look at it. The
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: caller has effectively intruded into the receiver's environment. The profound
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: power of these checking and phrases lies and how they
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: manufacture and out for the listener. Yeah, look at one
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: of the extended examples we have in the source material,
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: is this a good time to talk? Or should I
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: call later? Adding that second half, or should I call later,
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: provides immense psychological safety. You aren't just asking a yes
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: or no question. You are explicitly offering them an escape patch.
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: Oh, that makes so much sense. It is so much
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: easier to say, actually later would be better When the
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: caller is the one who put the idea on the
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: table in the first place. You don't feel like you
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: are rejecting them because you are just selecting one of
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: the options they generously provided.
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: Exactly, you remove the burden of rejection from the receiver entirely.
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: You preserve their autonomy. And if we look at how
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: we minimize the burden even further, consider this phrasing. I
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: hope I'm not calling out a bad time. I just
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: had a quick question.
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: Oh, the infamous quick question. We all say it, and
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: we all know it is a complete lie.
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: It is rarely quick, right, The question is never quick.
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: It usually requires a twenty minute explanation and three follow
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: up emails. Why do we cling to this phrase if
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: we know it's a lie.
• 12:04
  Speaker 2: Because the word quick is a temporal softener. When you
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: say quick question, you aren't actually guaranteeing a strict time limit.
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: You are negotiating for a specific type of mental engagement.
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: Okay, same there about that.
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: You're promising the listener that if they grant you entry
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: into their mental space, you will not require deep, exhaustive
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: cognitive labor. You are asking for a small, easily digestible
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: slice of their processing power. It lowers the barrier to entry.
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: But what if they don't even have a small slice
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: to give, like they are completely maxed out. The materials
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: provide us with the accepted tools for polite rejection. I
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: can't talk right now, I'm in the middle of something,
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: or I'm a bit tied up. I actually love the
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: phrase tied up. It's such a visceral image. You are
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: physically restrained by your current task, rendering you entirely helpless
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: to engage with the caller.
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: It's a great visual And notice the brilliant ambiguity of
• 12:58
  Speaker 2: those phrases. I'm in the middle of something, what is
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: that something? It could be a critical board meeting, it
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: could be open heart surgery, or they could simply be
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: staring out the window, drinking a cup of coffee and daydreaming. Right,
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: they just don't want to talk and it absolutely does
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: not matter. I'm in the middle of something is a
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: universally agreed upon polite fiction.
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: It's a shield.
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: It is a totally impenetrable shield. When someone uses that phrase,
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: the caller implicitly understands that they are not allowed to
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: ask what the something is. It allows the receiver to
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: fiercely protect their time in boundaries without ever risking effects.
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: Because it's not personal.
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: Exactly, it depersonalizes the rejection. They aren't saying I don't
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: want to talk to you. They are saying I am
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: constrained by mysterious, immovable circumstances outside of my control.
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: The lesson here for you listening is clear, do not
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: take these delays personally. When a colleague says, can you
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: give me ten minutes or let's talk a bit later, Okay, huh,
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: they are actually doing you a tremendous favor. They are
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: acknowledged that your intent is valuable, but they are admitting
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: they don't currently have the cognitive bandwidth available to give
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: it the attention it deserves, which is very respectful. Yeah,
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: they're preserving the relationship by delaying the interaction.
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: Precisely, they are ensuring that when the conversation does happen,
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: it will be focused and productive.
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: Okay, so let's assume the stars align, the timing is immaculate.
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: You knocked on the doorframe they invited you in. Both
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: parties have ample cognitive bandwidth, and everyone is completely ready
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: to talk. The next potential point of catastrophic failure isn't
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: even human.
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: Ah right, it's the medium itself.
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: Yes, we have to navigate the technical void.
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: The fraying of the invisible wires connecting us.
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: So dramatic but true. Our materials lay out the classic
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: troubleshooting phrases we all know by heart. Can you hear me? Okay,
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: I think we have a bad connection. Sorry, you're breaking up,
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: and the legendary can you hear me? Now?
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: Iconic phrases at this point truly.
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: Now, I have a theory about this that I'll want
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: to test on you. I think we use these phrases
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: because we genuinely do not understand the underlying technology of
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: cellular networks. Because it's basically magic to us. When the
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: audio drops, we just vaguely blame the ether. I think
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: it's just pure technological ignorance.
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: I am going to have to push back on that
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: theory quite strongly. Tell me why I'm wrong, Well, it
• 15:19
  Speaker 2: has very little to do with technological ignorance and everything
• 15:23
  Speaker 2: to do with sociological buffering. Sociological buffering, how so, think
• 15:28
  Speaker 2: about the alternative. What if the technology was working perfectly,
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: but the person on the other end was just mumbling
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: or speaking too quietly, or holding the phone too far
• 15:37
  Speaker 2: from their face. If you say I can't understand a
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: word you're saying, or you sound terrible, it feels like
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: a direct personal attack.
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, that sounds super aggressive.
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: It threatens the other person's competence. It causes immediate defensiveness.
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: Ah, I see where you're going with this.
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: Right. By using phrases like I think we have a
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: bad connection, or you're cutting in and out, we are
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: purposely shifting blame to a neutral third party. The cellular
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: network becomes the scapegoat.
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: That is so clever.
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: We blame the abstract concept of the connection to completely
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: protect the caller from feeling self conscious or inadequate. It
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: is an act of face saving magic. We're saying, it's
• 16:16
  Speaker 2: not your fault you sound muffled, and it's not my
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: fault I have bad hearing. It's the evil network's fault.
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: That makes so much sense. It unites both speakers against
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: a common enemy. Honestly, nothing builds solidarity quite like two
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: coworkers mutually complaining about the company's terrible phone system. Very true,
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: and if we look at the examples provided in our material,
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: there's a very logical, almost scientific progression to how we
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: handle this technical void. First we enter the diagnosing phase. Wait, sorry,
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: you're breaking up a bit. You are identifying the anomaly.
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: You are confirming that the data stream is corrupted.
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: Yes, And then you immediately move to the hypothesizing phase.
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: Are you in a tunnel or something? You are trying
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: to collaboratively find the root cause of the funny You
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: are asking for environmental data to solve the puzzle.
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: I love the idea of us all acting as amateur
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: audio engineers. And finally, the resolving phase. I just stepped outside,
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: can you hear me now? Or I move to a
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: quieter place that better. You are actively testing the hypothesis
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: in real.
• 17:16
  Speaker 2: Time you change a variable, exactly.
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: You change your physical location, and you're asking the other
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: person to verify if the data stream has stabilized.
• 17:24
  Speaker 2: It is a perfectly choreographed routine of collaborative problem solving.
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: But what happens when the technology is actually flawless?
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: Like a perfect signal?
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: Yes, you have a pristine fiber optic connection. The audio
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: is crystal clearer, but the human brain itself fails to
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: process the incoming data.
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: Yes, this is where things get really delicate. Someone speaks
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: way too fast, or uses an unfamiliar acronym, or maybe
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: your mind just wanders for a microsecond and you miss
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: a crucial verb. We now enter the art of clarification,
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: the tools for rewinding the conversation.
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: This is a phase fraught with social peril.
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: He really is. Materials provide us with an arsenal of
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: phrases for this exact scenario. Could you say that again?
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: Can you speak a bit more slowly? I didn't catch that.
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: Could you repeat it?
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: Ah?
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: I miss that? What did you say? Could you say
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: that again a bit slower? Okay? Could you spell that
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: for me?
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: The conversational rewind button?
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: Yes, but hitting that button requires surprising amount of vulnerability.
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: You have to admit out loud to another adult human
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: being that you simply fail to understand them. You drop
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: the ball.
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: It requires immense vulnerability, which is exactly why conversational English
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: has developed such specific polite qualifiers to cushion the blow
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: of that admission. If you look closely at the sentences
• 18:43
  Speaker 2: we are analyzing, you will notice that almost no one
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: simply barks the command repeat that, or speak slower.
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: Right. If I tell my boss speak slower, I sound
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: like I'm talking to a toddler. It's incredibly condescending.
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: Exactly. Instead, we use microadjusters. We say, can you speak
• 19:00
  Speaker 2: it more slowly? Could you say that again a bit slower?
• 19:03
  Speaker 2: The addition of a bit changes the entire dynamic.
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: It shrinks the problem again.
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: It frames the speaker's error as a tiny, highly understandable
• 19:11
  Speaker 2: miscalculation rather than a fundamental failure of communication. You are
• 19:15
  Speaker 2: asking for a microscopic adjustment, preserving their dignity.
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: And notice how the pronouns are deployed here. These phrases
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: carefully place the burden of misunderstanding squarely on the listener's shoulders.
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: I didn't catch that, I missed that. You are eagerly
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: taking ownership of the failure.
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: Falling on your sword.
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: Socially speaking, exactly, you aren't accusing the speaker of talking
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: too fast. You are claiming that your own internal catching
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: mechanism was faulty. You were saying your pitch was perfect,
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: but my glove was in the wrong spot.
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: It is entirely about blame absorption. And if you want
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: to optimize this process, you don't just ask them to
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: repeat the whole sentence. The material gives examples of targeted
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: precision questions.
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: Oh I love these.
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: Instead of saying what did you say, which forces the
• 19:59
  Speaker 2: speaker to re you wind their entire two minute monologue,
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: you say sorry, I missed that. What did you say
• 20:04
  Speaker 2: after three o'clock? Or was it Thursday or Friday?
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: Those precision questions serve a dual purpose, right. They save
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: a massive amount of time, obviously, but they also prove
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: that you were actually paying attention.
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: Yes, that is crucial.
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: By asking what did you say after three o'clock, Kerr,
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: you are demonstrating that you successfully captured the data all
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: the way up until three o'clock. You aren't checked out.
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: You are deeply engaged. You just need the final missing
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: puzzle piece. It reassures the speaker that their effort hasn't
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: been wasted.
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: It is the auditory equivalent of pointing to a specific
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: line in a document and saying, explain this one word
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: to me. It shows immense respect for the speaker's time.
• 20:44
  Speaker 2: And speaking of precision, we have to look at the
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: spelling request could you spell that for me?
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: Yes? The examples are was that sammy with an ie
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: or a Y? Or your email is what again? Could
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: you spell it for me? Please? Now, in an era
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: of autocorrect, predictive text, and smart directories, asking someone to
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: manually spell something out loud, letter by letter feels incredibly
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: high stakes.
• 21:07
  Speaker 2: It's very manual.
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: It feels like you are stopping the entire machinery the
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: conversation to inspect a single.
• 21:13
  Speaker 2: Cog because you are, and you absolutely have to. When
• 21:15
  Speaker 2: it comes to an email address, a tracking number, or
• 21:17
  Speaker 2: secure password, the context clues of normal conversation just vanish.
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: A single wrong letter in an email address means the
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: entire communication fails. The data is utterly useless.
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: There is no margin for error zero.
• 21:31
  Speaker 2: Therefore, asking someone to spell something out is the ultimate
• 21:34
  Speaker 2: sign of professional respect for accuracy. It communicates. Getting your
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: information exactly right is so critical to me that I
• 21:41
  Speaker 2: am willing to completely halt the natural, comfortable flow of
• 21:45
  Speaker 2: our conversation to painstakingly assemble this data phonetic letter by
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: phonetic letter.
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: Wow, that's a great way to reframe it, which transitions
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: us perfectly into the next phase of the audio life cycle.
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: Once you've slowed the speaker down, ask your targeted question,
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: and successfully captured all the raw, spelled out data, the
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: final step in data processing is verification.
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: Locking in the details.
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: Locking in the details to avoid future catastrophes.
• 22:11
  Speaker 2: This is what you might call printing the verbal receipt exactly.
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: You've had the interaction, You've exchanged the goods, in this case,
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: the information, and now you must finalize the transaction so
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: neither party can claim a misunderstanding later. The materials highlight
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: highly specific phrases for this Let me make sure I
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: understood you correctly, Let me read that back to you,
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: and can I just check your phone number?
• 22:32
  Speaker 2: Let me make sure I understood you correctly. This is
• 22:35
  Speaker 2: perhaps one of the most powerful and necessary phrases in
• 22:39
  Speaker 2: any professional environment. Let's break down the mechanics of the
• 22:42
  Speaker 2: extended example provided to us. Let me make sure I
• 22:45
  Speaker 2: understood you correctly. The meeting is at two pm on
• 22:47
  Speaker 2: zoom right.
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: It leaves absolutely no room for interpretation.
• 22:51
  Speaker 2: None at all. What you were doing here is eliminating
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: the haze of ambiguity and forcefully establishing a shared reality.
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: You are taking the messy, chaotic, overlapping raw materials of
• 23:03
  Speaker 2: human conversation and forging them into a single, undeniable, agreed.
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: Upon facts like pouring concrete.
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: Yes, if you ask that question and the other person
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: says yes, a verbal contract has been sealed. If the
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: meeting is subsequently missed, that verbal receipt prove exactly what
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: was agreed upon and who dropped the ball. It is
• 23:19
  Speaker 2: an insurance policy.
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: I am also fascinated by the mechanics of reading back numbers.
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: The material gives this specific example. Let me read that
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: back to you zero seven four, five three, and the
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: last four digits are six six' one zero. Right it
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: isn't just about insuring. Accuracy there is a very distinct
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: rhythm to how we speak. Numbers allowed you chunk?
• 23:42
  Speaker 2: Them, yes chunking is universally.
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: Human no one reads ten random digits in a single continuous.
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: Breath you read, Five you insert a physical, pause and you,
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: say and the last four digits Are why do we
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: naturally do?
• 23:55
  Speaker 2: That because the human brain is not a computer hard.
• 23:58
  Speaker 2: Drive we are dealing with the ridge limitations of short term.
• 24:01
  Speaker 2: Memory research in cognitive psychology has long shown that our
• 24:04
  Speaker 2: working memory can only comfortably hold a small handful of
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: items at any given, moment usually around seven chunks of.
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: Information, okay so a phone number is right at the.
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: Limit exactly when you hear a long string of, numbers
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: your auditory processing centers are scrambling to incurb them before
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: they fade.
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: Away so IF i rattle off ten digits without, STOPPING
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: i am basically causing a cognitive buffer overflow in.
• 24:25
  Speaker 2: The listener you are they literally cannot write them down
• 24:28
  Speaker 2: or process them fast. Enough by chunking the information like, zero, seven, four,
• 24:33
  Speaker 2: five three and inserting that structural, pause you are serving
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: the data in easily digestible.
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: Pieces giving them time to.
• 24:39
  Speaker 2: Swallow it allows the listener's brain a fraction of a
• 24:42
  Speaker 2: second to verify PIECE, a lock it into, memory and
• 24:46
  Speaker 2: clear the buffer before moving on to receive PIECE.
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: B it is just so deeply considered of the other
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: person's mental. Load we are silently managing their cognitive capacity
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: without them even realizing. It but here is the major.
• 24:59
  Speaker 2: Caveat there's always a.
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: Caveat. Always all of these tools we've, discussed checking the,
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: timing navigating bad, connections hitting the rewind, button printing the verbal,
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: receipt they all fund to bie require a two way.
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: Connection you need a live response of human being on
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: the other end of the line to actually agree to the.
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: Receipt so what is the protocol when the person you
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: desperately need to verify things with isn't even?
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: There right when the target is.
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: Unreachable this brings us to the realm of the proxy
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: and the, ghost managing the, unavailable navigating the.
• 25:31
  Speaker 2: Intermediary this is where the phone call becomes a game
• 25:34
  Speaker 2: of telephone.
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: Right, taking leaving and managing. Messages our materials give us the,
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: classic time tested, phrases CAN i take a message for?
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: You would you like to leave a? Message i'll let
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: her know you, called please ask him to call me?
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: Back and CAN i leave a message for Mister?
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: Smith very familiar.
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: Phrases, NOW i have to, admit WHEN i look at these,
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: PHRASES i really question why they still exist in the
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: modern professional. LANDSCAPE i, mean in an era of instant
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: direct text, messages slack, channels and digital voicemails that automatically
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: transcribe the audio and email it to, you why does
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: verbal message taking via a third party still?
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: Exist it does feel a bit old.
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: School it feels delightfully. Archaic it feels like using a
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: human being as an answering. Machine IF i want Mister
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: smith to KNOW i, Called i'll just text Mister smith.
• 26:20
  Speaker 2: Directly it's a fair critique of the, efficiency but you
• 26:23
  Speaker 2: have to look deeper at the social dynamic of the.
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: Intermediary when you call an office and an assistant, says,
• 26:30
  Speaker 2: sorry she's in a, Meeting CAN i take a message for? You,
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: no they aren't just acting as an organic recording. Device
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: they are offering you a bridge of. Accountability a bridge of.
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: Accountability what do you mean by?
• 26:42
  Speaker 2: That think about the digital. Alternative when you leave a
• 26:46
  Speaker 2: voicemail on an automated, system your voice goes into a black.
• 26:50
  Speaker 2: Box you have absolutely no idea if the message was,
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: heard if it was accidentally, deleted or if the person
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: is just actively ignoring. You it is a source of profound. Anxiety,
• 27:00
  Speaker 2: WELL i hate that, feeling the, waiting, Right but when
• 27:02
  Speaker 2: you speak to a, proxy a live human, intermediary and
• 27:05
  Speaker 2: they Say i'll let her know you called a social
• 27:08
  Speaker 2: contract has been. Formed that is a firm promise of
• 27:10
  Speaker 2: action from one human to. Another they have taken the
• 27:13
  Speaker 2: burden of delivery onto their own. Shoulders it profoundly reassures
• 27:17
  Speaker 2: the caller that their effort wasn't wasted in the.
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: Void, OKAY i see that a machine cannot make a,
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: promise but a human. Can AND i suppose the proxy
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: also acts as a buffer to soften the rejection of
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: the person being, Unavailable like look at this specific phrase
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: from the, Material, Sorry jake isn't here right? Now CAN
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: i take a message for? You that word sorry is
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: doing an unbelievable amount of heavy.
• 27:41
  Speaker 2: Lifting, absolutely the proxy is acting as a. Diplomat they
• 27:45
  Speaker 2: are formally apologizing on behalf of the, ghost the person
• 27:47
  Speaker 2: who isn't. There they are managing the caller's. Disappointment and
• 27:51
  Speaker 2: notice the polite agency that is immediately handed back to the.
• 27:54
  Speaker 2: Caller would you like to leave a message or try again?
• 27:57
  Speaker 2: Later this is a masterful psychological.
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: Pivot because the caller just failed in their primary.
• 28:02
  Speaker 2: Mission, yes the caller's initial goal was to Reach, jake
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: that goal was just. Thwarted they are experiencing a micro,
• 28:09
  Speaker 2: failure a tiny moment of. Powerlessness by asking would you
• 28:13
  Speaker 2: like to leave a message or try again, later the
• 28:16
  Speaker 2: proxy puts the power directly back into the caller's.
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: Hands you restore their.
• 28:20
  Speaker 2: Agency you restore their. Agency you're for saying your primary plan,
• 28:25
  Speaker 2: failed but you are now the director of the backup.
• 28:27
  Speaker 2: Plan they get to choose the next step in the,
• 28:30
  Speaker 2: protocol which completely neutralizes any frustration they might feel Toward
• 28:34
  Speaker 2: jake or the.
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: Proxy so even when the communication attempt completely, fails we
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: have built in linguistic structures to make sure no one
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: walks away feeling powerless or. Ignored that is genuinely. Incredible
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: but sometimes the goal isn't reaching someone by phone at.
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: All sometimes the physical act of the phone call itself
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: is the.
• 28:54
  Speaker 2: Problem right when audio is no longer the optimal.
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: Tool which leads us to a fascinating modern and conversational
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: pivot shifting the medium and managing the follow.
• 29:03
  Speaker 2: Up this is a very recent evolution in the.
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: Etiquette our materials give us these, fantastic highly modern phrases
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: for shifting mediums and checking in on past. Attempts mind
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: texting me. Instead thanks for getting back to, me just
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: checking in to see if you got my. Message any
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: update on. That i'll follow up with you. TOMORROW i
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: tried calling earlier but couldn't get, through and SORRY i
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: missed your.
• 29:23
  Speaker 2: Call those are incredibly common. NOWADAYS i have.
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: To SAY i absolutely love the sheer audacity of the
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: phrase mind texting me. Instead it is such a bold.
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: Move it's like showing up to a scheduled, meeting opening the,
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: door looking at the formal conference room and, saying, actually
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: let's go to the noisy coffee shop across the. Street
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: you are completely changing the venue of the interaction right
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: as you walk through the.
• 29:48
  Speaker 2: Door it is, bold but it is a distinctly modern
• 29:51
  Speaker 2: and incredibly elegant solution to a very old. Problem if
• 29:55
  Speaker 2: we look at the specific example, Provided, Hey i'm in,
• 29:58
  Speaker 2: class mind texting me, instead we can see exactly how
• 30:02
  Speaker 2: this phrase functions on a social.
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: Level break it down for.
• 30:04
  Speaker 2: Me it solves the underlying communication, need which is the
• 30:08
  Speaker 2: transfer of information while fiercely respecting a physical or auditory.
• 30:12
  Speaker 2: Boundary think about the historical alternative in the, past if
• 30:16
  Speaker 2: you were in a loud room or a quiet library
• 30:18
  Speaker 2: and couldn't. Talk you just didn't answer the. Phone you
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: let it, ring leaving the caller entirely in the, dark
• 30:22
  Speaker 2: wondering if you were.
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: Okay oh, right you just. Vanished.
• 30:25
  Speaker 2: Exactly now you can answer quickly reject the, medium but
• 30:28
  Speaker 2: enthusiastically accept the.
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: Intent reject the, medium accept the. INTENT i really like that.
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: Framing you were, SAYING i value you AND i want
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: to communicate with. YOU i just literally cannot use my
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: vocal courts to do it right, now.
• 30:41
  Speaker 2: Exactly and that transition to text messaging to something very.
• 30:44
  Speaker 2: Important it allows for asynchronous. Communication you are instantly removing
• 30:50
  Speaker 2: the real time synchronous pressure of the phone. Call you
• 30:53
  Speaker 2: are giving both parties the gift of time to draft
• 30:56
  Speaker 2: and edit their.
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: Thoughts but what happens when THAT acync godess communication breaks
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: down when you send the text or the email and
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: it just goes completely. Unanswered the material gives us follow
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: up phrases for this exact anxiety just checking in to
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: see if you got my. Message the extended example is
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: did you get the FILE i sent?
• 31:14
  Speaker 2: Yesterday that is a very delicate.
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: Situation this always feels like walking a tightrope to, me
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: because what you really want to ask, is why are
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: you ignoring my incredibly important? File but social convention dictates
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: that you absolutely cannot say, That and that.
• 31:29
  Speaker 2: Is precisely why the follow up requires such delicate. Balance
• 31:33
  Speaker 2: just checking in to see if you got mamis is
• 31:35
  Speaker 2: a brilliantly, soft completely non accusatory. Prompt remember earlier when
• 31:39
  Speaker 2: we talked about blaming the bad connection for audio, Drops.
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: Yes shifting the blame to the.
• 31:44
  Speaker 2: Network this operates on the exact same. Principle you are
• 31:47
  Speaker 2: gently suggesting that perhaps the message was somehow lost in
• 31:50
  Speaker 2: the mysterious digital. Ether you are absolutely not accusing them of, negligence,
• 31:55
  Speaker 2: laziness or ignoring. You you are simply stepping into the
• 31:58
  Speaker 2: role of an administrator verifying.
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: Delivery it gives them a graceful.
• 32:03
  Speaker 2: Out it gives them the ultimate, out allows them to, say,
• 32:06
  Speaker 2: oh my, goodness it went straight to my spam, folder
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: OR i saw it pop, up BUT i got distracted
• 32:10
  Speaker 2: by a fire drill without losing an ounce of. Face
• 32:12
  Speaker 2: you maintain the relationship while still aggressively prompting them for
• 32:15
  Speaker 2: the required.
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: Action and what if you are the one who dropped the?
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: Ball what if you were the one who ignored the?
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: Call the material gives us the perfect repair, tool SORRY
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: i missed your. Call the specific example, is, hey, sorry mister,
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: CALL i was in a. Meeting it's incredibly, short but
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: it feels so necessary.
• 32:35
  Speaker 2: Because it repairs the slight social tear of a missed.
• 32:38
  Speaker 2: Connection we have to acknowledge that when someone calls you
• 32:41
  Speaker 2: and you don't, answer there is a tiny microscopic fracture
• 32:45
  Speaker 2: in the, relationship a tiny moment of, rejection even if,
• 32:48
  Speaker 2: unintentional right little. Sting the phrase, SORRY i missed your
• 32:52
  Speaker 2: call acknowledges that, Fracture you apologize for, it and then
• 32:55
  Speaker 2: you provide a, valid unimpeachable excuse LIKE i was in a,
• 32:58
  Speaker 2: meeting and the fracture is instantly. Healed the social fabric is.
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: Restored it's all about keeping the conversational loop open and
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: healthy until the business is. Concluded speaking of open, loops
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: the material highlights the Phrase i'll follow up with you
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: tomorrow after the.
• 33:13
  Speaker 2: Meeting that is the sound of pure professional. Accountability it demonstrates,
• 33:18
  Speaker 2: responsibility and, crucially it explicitly states the exact timeline for
• 33:23
  Speaker 2: when the loop will be. Closed it manages the other
• 33:26
  Speaker 2: person's expectations perfectly so they don't have to wonder when
• 33:29
  Speaker 2: they will hear.
• 33:29
  Speaker 1: From you, next which is an excellent segue because whether
• 33:32
  Speaker 1: the conversational loop stays open for tomorrow or closes permanently,
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: today every single successful audio interaction eventually requires a. Dissent
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: we have arrived at the final stage of our life,
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: cycle the graceful exit landing the, plane.
• 33:46
  Speaker 2: Wrapping up the. Conversation naturally and, statistically this is the
• 33:49
  Speaker 2: phase where people stumble the, most often resulting in, prolonged painful.
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: Awkwardness oh, absolutely the awkward prolonged goodbye is a universal human. Experience, okay,
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: yep sounds. Good uh huh, bye, yep see. Yah it is.
• 34:03
  Speaker 2: Agonizing we've all been.
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: There but our materials give us the exact tools to avoid.
• 34:08
  Speaker 1: It all, Right i'll let you, Go thanks for, calling
• 34:10
  Speaker 1: talk to you, later let me know if anything, changes
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: and take care for. Me ending a phone call is
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: exactly like landing a commercial. Airplane you can't just be
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: cruising comfortably at thirty thousand feet and then, suddenly without,
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: warning drop out of the. Sky, no that is a. Crash,
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: exactly hanging up abruptly even when the business is done
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: is a conversational. Crash you have to announce your des
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: send over the. Intercom you have to lower the landing,
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: gear you have to smoothly touch down on the, tarmac
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: and then you taxi slowly to the.
• 34:38
  Speaker 2: Gate the choreography of the exit is absolutely critical to
• 34:42
  Speaker 2: the success of the entire. Call you could have a, brilliant,
• 34:46
  Speaker 2: productive forty five minute, conversation but if the exit is,
• 34:49
  Speaker 2: awkward that awkwardness is the only thing the other person will.
• 34:52
  Speaker 2: Remember so, true the phrase all, Right i'll let you go,
• 34:55
  Speaker 2: is in my, opinion a masterclass in social. Diplomacy let's
• 34:59
  Speaker 2: really deco struct the sheer brilliance of this. Sentence when
• 35:03
  Speaker 2: you Say i'll let you, go you are unilaterally framing
• 35:06
  Speaker 2: the end of the call as a benevolent favor to
• 35:08
  Speaker 2: the other.
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: Person, OH i love this.
• 35:10
  Speaker 2: Part you are heavily, IMPLYING i know you are incredibly
• 35:13
  Speaker 2: busy and, important And i'm so considerate THAT i refuse
• 35:16
  Speaker 2: to monopolize any more of your valuable, time.
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: Which is so funny because you use it even if
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: you are the one who is dying to get off the.
• 35:23
  Speaker 1: Phone imagine a scenario WHERE i am just staring at the,
• 35:27
  Speaker 1: wall completely checked, out desperate to go eat my. LUNCH
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: i don't SAY i am bored and hungry. GOODBYE i, say,
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: WELL i know you're super. Busy i'll let you go.
• 35:36
  Speaker 2: Persankly it is the ultimate altruistic framing of a deeply selfish.
• 35:40
  Speaker 2: Desire it preserves their. Time it subtly elevates their status
• 35:45
  Speaker 2: by implying their time as highly in, demand all while
• 35:48
  Speaker 2: successfully achieving your primary goal of ending the. Interaction it
• 35:52
  Speaker 2: is a, flawless frictionless exit.
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: Strategy the examples provided are so. Natural, okay sounds, Good
• 35:58
  Speaker 1: i'll let you go talk. Soon i'll let you. Go
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: thanks for the. Chat it feels so warm and. Conclusive
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: it's the verbal lowering of the landing gear and speaking
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: of talk. Soon what about the future of facing phrases
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: let me know if anything. Changes the example is we're
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: all set for three. Pm let me know if anything.
• 36:13
  Speaker 2: Changes that is a highly strategic future facing sign. Off
• 36:18
  Speaker 2: it does two things. Simultaneously, first it definitively closes the current.
• 36:22
  Speaker 2: Session it says the planning phase is now. Complete but,
• 36:26
  Speaker 2: second it leaves a, designated highly specific door open for future.
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: Contact like a contingency.
• 36:32
  Speaker 2: Plan exactly by, saying let me know if anything, changes
• 36:36
  Speaker 2: you prevent the other person from feeling like an annoyance
• 36:39
  Speaker 2: or a burden if they need to reach out and
• 36:40
  Speaker 2: adjust the plan three hours from. Now you have preauthorized
• 36:44
  Speaker 2: their next point of. Contact you are managing their future.
• 36:47
  Speaker 1: Anxiety it's like saying the primary mission is. Accomplished we
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: are shutting down the main communication, channel but the emergency
• 36:54
  Speaker 1: hotline remains permanently open for. You it's incredibly, reassuring and,
• 36:58
  Speaker 1: finally the material gives us the ultimate, closer the taxi
• 37:01
  Speaker 1: to the. Gate take.
• 37:02
  Speaker 2: Care Take care is perhaps the most incredibly versatile closer
• 37:06
  Speaker 2: in The english. Language as the example's, note it is
• 37:09
  Speaker 2: a warm and friendly way to say, goodbye particularly if
• 37:12
  Speaker 2: you know you won't be speaking to the person again anytime.
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: Soon it works for almost any.
• 37:16
  Speaker 2: Situation it functions perfectly for both strict professional relationships and
• 37:20
  Speaker 2: casual friendly. Relationships it completely removes all transactional business related
• 37:26
  Speaker 2: weight from the. Interaction it ends everything on a, fundamental
• 37:30
  Speaker 2: universally understood note of human well. Being it, communicates regardless
• 37:35
  Speaker 2: of the corporate business or the data exchange we just,
• 37:37
  Speaker 2: CONDUCTED i acknowledge you as a human, being AND i
• 37:40
  Speaker 2: genuinely wish you safety and health in the physical.
• 37:43
  Speaker 1: World it acknowledges the humanity behind the disembodied. Voice it
• 37:47
  Speaker 1: really is the perfect smooth touchdown and honestly looking at
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: that humanity brings us to a, final slightly provocative thought
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: THAT i want you the, listener to mull over long
• 37:59
  Speaker 1: after this audio stops.
• 38:00
  Speaker 2: Playing it's a big.
• 38:01
  Speaker 1: Takeaway we have just spent a lot of time analyzing
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: dozens and dozens of, phrases from the security gate of
• 38:06
  Speaker 1: this Is tom speaking to the boundary setting of can
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: you give me ten, minutes all the way to the
• 38:11
  Speaker 1: altruistic escape patch Of i'll let you. GO i want
• 38:15
  Speaker 1: you to consider how many of these sentences are not
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: actually about transmitting raw.
• 38:18
  Speaker 2: Data very few of them are Exactly.
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: They aren't about the facts of the quarterly meeting or
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: the spreadsheet details of the. PROJECT a massive overwhelming percentage
• 38:27
  Speaker 1: of our audio communication is entirely dedicated to managing the
• 38:31
  Speaker 1: other person's, feelings their emotional, comfort and their cognitive.
• 38:34
  Speaker 2: Load it's a profound. Realization it reveals that a phone
• 38:38
  Speaker 2: call is almost never just a simple exchange of. Information
• 38:41
  Speaker 2: it is a highly, choreographed incredibly delicate social. Dance it
• 38:46
  Speaker 2: is a, continuous real time negotiation of physical, space of temporal,
• 38:50
  Speaker 2: boundaries and of human. Ego every time you pick up the,
• 38:54
  Speaker 2: phone you are engaging in high level sociological, management which.
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: Brings us right back to the premise we started. With
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: when you look at AN x ray or when you
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: read a carefully, drafted legally approved, email you see rigid
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: permanence in. Precision but when a phone, rings you are
• 39:08
  Speaker 1: stepping away from permanence and stepping into, murky unpredictable. Waters
• 39:13
  Speaker 1: you are stepping into the dark room with just a.
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: Voice but now hopefully you realize that you aren't in
• 39:18
  Speaker 1: the dark, alone and you aren't. Unarmed all these little
• 39:22
  Speaker 1: phrases we take for, granted the apologies for bad, connections
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: the polite requests for just ten minutes of, time the
• 39:28
  Speaker 1: chump numbers of the verbal. Receipts these are the, powerful
• 39:32
  Speaker 1: invisible tools we use to navigate the dark, together ensuring
• 39:35
  Speaker 1: we reach our destination without ever bumping into each.
• 39:37
  Speaker 2: Other it's a wonderful way to think about.
• 39:39
  Speaker 1: It so thank you so much for staying with us
• 39:42
  Speaker 1: until the very end of this extensive exploration into the
• 39:45
  Speaker 1: hidden architecture of Conversational. English we highly encourage everyone listening
• 39:49
  Speaker 1: to subscribe so you never miss out on these insights
• 39:52
  Speaker 1: as we continue to decode the fascinating mechanisms of the
• 39:55
  Speaker 1: world around. Us we we do you a very fond
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: farewell until next, time take, care talk, soon and keep listening.
• 40:01
  Speaker 1: Closely