Latest / New Manager Conversations with Fexingo: First 90 Days, Managing Former Peers, and Leadership Basics / How New Managers Can Give Feedback Without Crushing Morale
Transcript
- Lucas: If you've ever told a direct report they need to improve their presentations and watched their face fall, you know how tricky feedback can be. Luna: Yeah, and the worst part is when they stop contributing in meetings because they're now scared of being criticized. Lucas: Exactly. For new managers, giving feedback without killing motivation is one of the hardest skills to learn. And most of us were never taught how to do it well. Today I want to talk about a simple framework called situation behavior impact, or SBI, that helps separate the person from the problem. Luna: I've heard of that. It's used a lot in corporate training. But how does it actually work in a real conversation? Lucas: Let me give you a concrete example. Say you have a direct report named Sarah who consistently submits reports with typos. A typical manager might say, 'Sarah, you're being careless with your reports.' That's a character attack. Sarah feels defensive and nothing improves. With SBI, you start with the situation: 'In last week's quarterly report you submitted on Friday...' Then the behavior: 'I noticed three spelling errors in the executive summary.' Then the impact: 'That makes the team look less polished to the VP, and I have to spend time correcting before I can forward it.' Now Sarah knows exactly what went wrong and why it matters. Luna: That's way less personal. But doesn't it sound a bit robotic if you deliver it exactly like that? Lucas: It can if you read it off a script. The key is to practice the structure but use natural language. You can say, 'Hey, about that report you sent on Friday – I spotted a few typos in the executive summary. It was a small thing, but it made the whole thing look rushed to the VP.' Same SBI, different tone. Luna: Right. So the situation anchors when it happened, the behavior is what you observed, and the impact explains the consequence. That makes sense. Lucas: Exactly. And there's research backing this. A study by the Center for Creative Leadership found that feedback delivered using SBI was perceived as more accurate and less threatening than generic feedback. The trick is to avoid mixing in personality judgments. Luna: I once had a manager who always started with 'I think you're great, but...' and then crushed me. Isn't that the feedback sandwich? Does that work? Lucas: The feedback sandwich is actually counterproductive for most people. When you say 'Great job on X, but you need to improve Y,' the brain only remembers the criticism. The praise becomes a setup. SBI doesn't need a buffer. You can deliver a constructive observation directly, as long as it's specific and focuses on behavior. Luna: So if you have both praise and criticism, should you do them separately? Lucas: Yes. Ideally in different conversations. Or at least different parts of the same conversation without connecting them. For example, 'Sarah, your slides were really clear and you used great data. Now let's talk about the typos – I noticed...' That's not a sandwich. It's two separate points. Luna: Got it. So what about receiving feedback as a manager? How do you encourage your team to give you feedback? Lucas: That's the other half of creating a feedback culture. You model it by asking for feedback regularly and responding well when you get it. One technique is to use 'I'd like your feedback on...' and then give a specific area. For example, 'I'm trying to run shorter meetings. Did you think today's 30-minute standup was efficient?' And when someone gives you critical feedback, you say 'thank you' and reflect on it, not get defensive. Luna: But what if the feedback is vague like 'you could be more approachable'? Lucas: You can ask for a specific situation behavior impact. Say, 'Can you give me an example of when I seemed unapproachable? I want to understand what I did.' That turns vague feedback into something actionable. And it models the SBI structure back to them. Luna: That's smart. So it's not just a tool for managers; it's a language the whole team can use. Lucas: Exactly. If you can get your team to use SBI with each other, you reduce office politics and build trust. I've seen teams where peer feedback using SBI replaced passive-aggressive emails. It's transformative. Luna: Let's talk about timing. When should you give feedback? Right away or in a scheduled one-on-one? Lucas: The best rule is: as soon as possible after the behavior, but not in public. For positive feedback, public is fine. For constructive, always private. And if you're angry, wait until you're calm. The SBI framework actually helps you calm down because you have to structure your thoughts. Luna: One thing I've struggled with is giving feedback to former peers after a promotion. It feels weird suddenly being their boss. Lucas: We actually did a whole episode on managing former peers – that's episode 140. But the SBI framework is especially useful there because it depersonalizes the feedback. Instead of 'Hey Mike, you're slacking off,' you say 'In yesterday's team meeting, you were on your phone during the client discussion. That made us look unprofessional.' It's about the behavior, not the relationship. Luna: That takes the sting out. So what's the biggest mistake new managers make with feedback? Lucas: The biggest mistake is avoiding it altogether. They let small issues fester because they don't want to be the bad guy. Then they blow up at the first annual review. Or they give vague praise like 'good job' and wonder why performance doesn't improve. Specific feedback, both positive and constructive, is the single highest-leverage communication skill for managers. If you do only one thing well, do this. Luna: So for a new manager listening right now, what's the one takeaway? Lucas: Pick one behavior you want to address with a direct report this week. Write down the situation, behavior, and impact. Then schedule a short 15-minute one-on-one and deliver it. Don't wait for the perfect moment. Just try it. Luna: And after you do, let us know how it went. You can reach us through the show page. Lucas: Which reminds me – and I want to be honest about this – this podcast exists because a small group of listeners chip in each month through buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. No ads, no sponsors, just your support keeps these episodes coming. If this show has helped you think through a career move or a tough management conversation, that's the reason we do it. Luna: It's true. We hear from listeners who've used our episodes to navigate real situations, and that's incredible. So if you're in a position to help, that contribution literally keeps us going. Lucas: And if not, no pressure at all. We're glad you're here. Now back to feedback: one last tip – after you give constructive feedback, always follow up a few days later. Ask if they had any questions or if they want to talk about it further. That shows you care about their growth, not just the mistake. Luna: That's a great closing point. Feedback is a gift, but only if it's delivered with the right intention and structure. Thanks for joining us on New Manager Conversations. Lucas: See you next time.