Latest / The Shivan Show with Shivan Sarna / Marriage, Money, Meaning: Life Advice I Wish I Had Sooner | Shivan Sarna

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Marriage, Money, Meaning: Life Advice I Wish I Had Sooner | Shivan Sarna · The Shivan Show with Shivan Sarna

• 0:00
  God is not waiting for you to be better for God to love you.
• 0:04
  The possibilities are beautiful, and so are you.
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  Realize that you are that spark of God that will change everything for the better and help you find ever new joy and unending bliss.
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  Hi, I'm Siobhan Sarna, and you are watching The Siobhan Show, Health, Wealth, and Wisdom.
• 0:19
  Today, we are going to be talking about some of the tips that I have received over time, conversations that changed me, advice I want to pass on to you that is not the typical advice.
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  Health, wealth, wisdom edition.
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  So it's a combo.
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  I am going to start out with number one, which is so important.
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  God is not waiting for you to be better, to be loved.
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  meaning this has to do with God loving you.
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  God isn't punishing you.
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  God is not waiting for you to be worthy of God's love because you're already worthy.
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  That is your nature.
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  You are a soul.
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  You are a spark of the infinite.
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  All that terminology, if you're familiar with it, you and God are one.
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  There is no way that you cannot be loved by God.
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  So let me tell you a little story about how this changed my life about four years ago.
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  I was sitting at a meditation service.
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  It was three hours long, and I was like, oh, I don't know if I'm going to be able to do this.
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  I haven't meditated for three hours in a really long time.
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  I'm meditating, and periodically, the monastic, the nun, sister, the
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  Ranjana, she had a little bit of a lesson to share.
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  What she did say that was the big zoinks, zinger, wow, was God is not waiting for you to be better for God to love you.
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  It was like years, eons, perhaps, who knows, lifetimes of tension left my ego
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  What are the implications of that?
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  And it didn't take me long.
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  I was not receiving God's love as much as God's love was available to me because I was blocking it.
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  I was like, in order to really receive that much love, I must do this or I have to get better at that.
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  I need to clean up this.
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  But it did not mean that God didn't love me.
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  And this may sound very obvious to you, but in that moment, it changed something within me.
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  And so I just want to invite you to sit with that and to be curious about that and try it on for size.
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  If it helps you, yay.
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  Okay, next.
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  We are going to a totally different topic.
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  So that's sort of a wisdom topic, right?
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  This is going to be all over the place.
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  This has to do with some advice I received when I was looking for my very first job out of college.
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  I went to a headhunter.
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  I was so unsupervised.
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  It's not even funny.
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  How did I ever end up working for a U.S. Senate campaign who won?
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  And then he invited me to go to Washington as a political fundraiser.
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  And I said, oh, heck no.
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  But thank you so much for the invite.
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  I mean, I was in my 20s.
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  But when I was looking for a job, I went to this headhunter in Tampa and...
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  I had nothing on my resume.
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  I mean, very little.
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  University of Florida, business school, marketing degree.
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  I had done an internship like at a local ad agency.
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  She kind of sized me up.
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  She said, well, you know, I think you'd be really good at sales.
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  I was like, how distasteful.
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  I'm like 19 or 20.
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  No, you should really think about it.
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  Like, I get that you don't think that it's a good idea, but I'm telling you, real world, it is.
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  And it's the only time that you can create unlimited income.
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  I got her point.
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  And so as I was sitting there with my brain split, like half going, and then the other part of me, like a sole recognition of, you know, that's a really good point.
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  That's a really good idea.
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  So if this is something you're struggling with, if you're trying to figure out what to do with your career...
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  If you are trying to figure out how to make some money, yes, you need to figure out how to sell things on the internet.
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  Your advice, your cookbook, your cookie recipe, your wisdom through the ages, whatever it is that you're really passionate about or that you're really good at, you don't love it, but you know it can be commercially successful, that could be a good stopgap for you while you're figuring out what you really do love.
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  My advice for you is to create
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  a product around that, get on social media, get out there and start talking about it, about what you love.
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  And then I would go find the coach on Instagram, Julie Chanel, spelled C-H-E-N-E-L-L. And I would take her courses.
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  I have been doing this for 10 years now, online, very successful, multi-million dollar business.
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  And I think she would have saved me a lot of time, energy, and money if I had met her sooner.
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  I'm new to her.
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  We've just sort of connected.
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  But the other day, you know, we bought a car.
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  This salesperson was...
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  So good.
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  Young woman.
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  She had a lot of great ideas.
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  And I had walked in with my research done by going to Instagram and looking at women and men who were car salespeople giving their insider tips about how to get the best deal on a car.
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  But they were kind of like counterculture.
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  They were like, here's the best thing to do.
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  They weren't trying to sell me that car.
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  They were helping me
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  And it worked.
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  I did the exact thing that five of them told me to do.
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  It was kind of repetitive, these different ideas.
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  And theoretically, we should have called and done all the negotiation in advance because that is a very strong technique.
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  But we were running errands and we're just like, you know what?
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  We'll just go around in.
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  We won't buy a car that day.
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  Ha ha ha.
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  But we did get an excellent deal and an excellent interest rate and had a good experience.
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  I told her that she really needed to make a mini course on how to get the best deal on buying a car.
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  And she's like, oh, that's a good idea.
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  I could do this.
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  I could do this.
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  Oh, yeah.
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  She kept saying, like, but how do you get the money?
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  And I'm like, well, there's these automations that you can do, and it all sounds really complicated, but it's really not that complicated.
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  She just was like, yeah, but how do I get the money?
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  Okay.
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  I mean, she must have said, how do I get the money like five times?
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  I'm like, no, you don't understand.
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  There are people that will teach you how to do that.
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  And it is not hard.
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  And people who are not as smart as you are, are making money online through the techniques I have described for you today.
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  So I hope she's done it.
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  I hope you will do it.
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  And one of the best coaches out there for what I've just been talking about is Julie.
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  Check her out.
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  Funnel Gorgeous is one of her businesses.
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  So I have another thing that I wanted to talk to you about regarding finances, and this is a huge topic, and I'm going to do multiple shows about this, but that is managing elder care.
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  So the United States is grossly underprepared for the aging population.
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  You may be acutely familiar with this because you're taking care of someone, and I just want you to know I see you and I am with you.
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  The statistics about the designated daughter or the default daughter who is taking care of an older relative is wild.
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  There are a lot of reasons why.
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  You can imagine proximity.
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  No one else wants to take it on.
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  Not enough money for proper caregiving.
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  You know, caregiving is a skill.
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  You can love someone and not be a good caregiver.
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  Just think about that.
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  And you may be thinking, oh, that's ridiculous.
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  I'd be a great caregiver.
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  Yeah, but do you want to do that?
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  And does your loved one want you to do that?
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  I would not want my loved one caring for me in that biological way.
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  It changes relationships.
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  It changes dynamics.
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  It's just such a tough situation.
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  I just went through it in the past month with someone who was in the hospital for 10 days, and it was just very, very difficult.
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  I don't want that for anyone, for her, for you.
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  Yeah.
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  to be ill-equipped for that.
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  Okay.
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  Again, like I said, that's going to be a couple of upcoming episodes.
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  One of the things about that is if you have someone who doesn't have money and needs care and qualifies for Medicaid, Medicare is one thing, Medicaid, think about it as like you need aid.
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  is when someone has an income of a certain low threshold and no assets and you get assistance.
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  I'm thinking mainly of elder care because it also applies to certain people with disabilities that aren't elderly.
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  You could get support medically.
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  It could be nursing care and it would be paid for by Medicaid.
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  The main point here is the application process is robust, to say the least.
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  And they do a look back of the finances of that person for five years.
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  The IRS, as I recall, they only want you or need you to keep your records for three years.
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  But if you are doing a Medicaid application, you need to get records for five years, multiple bank accounts,
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  sales of assets, sale of a car, sale of a home, just tons and tons and tons of details.
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  It's wild the amount of information they need.
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  Why are they doing that?
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  They're trying to make sure that you haven't or that person hasn't given away all of their assets so that they fall into that threshold, the low threshold, so that they can't get free medical assistance, aid, Medicaid, and take advantage of the system.
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  So what they need is what's gone on financially for five years.
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  Yes, and there's a whole health qualification too, an assessment that this person would need to go through, showing that they need the support.
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  What I'm trying to get out here is that you need to keep those records, credit card statements, bank statements.
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  So I did this application for...
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  the person I'm referring to.
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  And in my brain for efficiency, I thought, you know what, I'll just send them the first couple of pages of the statement of the bank, like just the ones that have information on it, not the ones that say this page was intentionally left blank.
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  But you know what?
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  They want those pages.
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  So I had to go back through the bank, which is a pain in the booty, especially if you don't live in the area anymore, and have them waive fees, send snail mail.
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  they wouldn't email it to me, copies of even blank pages for five years of statements for five bank accounts.
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  Oh my goodness.
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  So anyway, you get the point.
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  Keep the records.
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  I know it's a pain and we all think that there's this big digital footprint and there is, but you've closed accounts.
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  You need to show the day you open the account, you need to prove that the account was closed.
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  So it's not just the last statement of the last time you had money in the account where it says zero.
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  They need a statement of bank closure for the account.
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  It's a lot, but I'd love to save you the aggravation of what I have gone through.
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  And now I have some advice for you about marriage.
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  I've been married for 21 years and we are doing great.
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  And I was in love with him from the first time I ever saw him.
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  More than 20 years, 14 years plus 21 years.
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  So it's been a long time.
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  One of the best pieces of advice I've heard recently, and I'm so sorry, I cannot remember this person's name.
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  Marriage is two people deciding to stay together.
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  That's it.
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  Two people deciding to stay together through thick and thin.
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  And then he said something really important as well.
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  Even if two people decide to stick together, if one of the partners, or certainly both, but if one of the partners has a mental health issue or an addiction issue, it won't work.
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  I thought that was really, really good advice from all the friends I have, from my
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  If one of you will not deal with the addiction, it's not going to work.
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  I'm telling you.
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  If one of you will not deal with the trauma, the mental health, the whatever, it will not work.
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  I thought that makes so much sense.
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  I know women who love their husbands.
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  Now, I am literally also in love with my husband, but I'm thinking of a couple in particular.
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  And he is not willing to deal with his previous relationship trauma.
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  I don't know what's going on with him, honestly.
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  Maybe it's ADHD.
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  I don't know.
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  I really don't know.
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  And it's none of my business other than to send love.
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  But it's driving her nuts.
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  And she is saying to herself things like, I love this man, but I don't know how sustainable it is.
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  He's very good at giving other people advice, interestingly, but he cannot see it for himself.
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  One of the lines that I had also read about a long time ago.
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  in a different relationship that I was in, that I felt we needed some counseling.
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  And it was, I'm in over my head.
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  I need help in this relationship.
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  So I'd like to get professional help for people who, this is what they do every single day.
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  I mean, we're special, but we're not that special.
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  So I'm in over my head, would you join me?
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  It's not always going to work.
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  If it does, great.
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  But that's just a magic sentence I wanted to share with you in case it could help you.
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  Speaking of people who know about marriage is the Gottmans.
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  They have a fantastic book.
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  They have a fantastic at-home study course.
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  And then they have coaches that go around the country and teach over a weekend about how to communicate and how to be married based on their research.
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  David and I have, you know, looked at their stuff before.
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  We bought the course and we poked at some of the lessons.
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  Like we weren't like A-plus students or anything, but we enjoyed it.
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  And we view some of the techniques over time just to make communication more elegant, graceful and easy.
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  David suggested last year that we go to one of the weekends.
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  We had this amazing marriage therapist be the facilitator.
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  And his name is Saul.
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  And I'm going to put a link to their site in the show notes.
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  If you get a chance to study with him, it's great.
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  It was a room of maybe 14 tables and a couple at each table with enough room to have your conversations be fairly private.
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  Some people left the room when they were doing the exercises.
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  It was fantastic.
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  For the times when we have had stress, I wish we had had these tools.
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  I will link it below because it was life-changing.
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  And I wanted all of my friends who are married to take this weekend course.
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  You laugh, you cry, you connect.
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  I sound like I'm writing their brochure.
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  You're not sitting there talking about the bedroom too much.
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  You're not, you know, listening to like, you're not like cringing a lot.
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  I think obviously that's very, very important when you're going to go to something that you feel like, oh my gosh, I'm about to be super vulnerable for 48 hours.
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  And it was 10 out of 10.
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  Girlfriends.
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  If you have some friends that you haven't been in contact with for a while and you love talking to them, but you're so busy, you really, really just don't have time, do some micro visits.
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  Do some quick texts.
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  Get the kindling going on that fire again.
• 16:07
  and can feed your energy.
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  It is so important to maintain those friendships.
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  And I know it's hard.
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  Please, I know it is hard.
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  And I miss so many of my girlfriends.
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  And what I've started to do is just pick up the phone and call them, like even just leave them a voice text.
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  Micro visits, hello, thinking of you.
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  to just kind of get that vibe going again if you haven't been in touch.
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  Maybe you're great at it.
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  You guys talk all the time and you have that regular lunch date or dinner date or get together on Zoom or whatever.
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  I am working on it.
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  But please take it from me as the reminder to get back with a couple of your girlfriends.
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  you may realize that, you know, you're not as close as you used to be, not just because it's been a while since you talked, but because like your lives have gone in totally different directions.
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  But the ones whose value systems you do share, I think it's really important to stay connected.
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  And I mean, all the studies show more like social interactions that are meaningful, the better your life is, the longer you live a healthy life.
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  I don't want to live forever.
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  And I certainly don't want to live a long life if...
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  If it's not a healthy life.
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  And last and certainly not least, just as we wrap up this episode of The Siobhan Show with health, wealth, wisdom, this falls in the category of definitely wisdom, and that is learn how to meditate.
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  Please go to selfrealizationfellowship.com.
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  There's so many resources there.
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  Click on learn how to meditate and start.
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  You've heard about it.
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  You know it's a good idea.
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  By the way, meditation while you're gardening is concentration, relaxation, focus.
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  It is not meditation.
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  And that word is thrown around like crazy.
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  And it's wonderful.
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  You should garden, okay?
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  Yes.
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  And you should exercise and you should walk and you should be one with nature out in the fields and in the forests and the beach.
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  But this is
• 18:03
  the scientific yogic techniques of meditation, no matter what flavor religion you are, or no matter what you were raised with, it helps you to reconnect with the divine so that you can do self-realization, realize that you are that spark of God, and reconnect because that will change everything for the better and help you find ever new joy and unending bliss.
• 18:29
  Woo!
• 18:30
  The possibilities are beautiful and so are you.
• 18:32
  Thanks.
• 18:32
  See you next time.
• 18:33
  So that's a wrap on today's episode.
• 18:35
  Thank you so much for being here.
• 18:37
  It genuinely means everything to me.
• 18:39
  If something in this conversation sparks something for you, share it with a woman or a guy in your life who needs to hear it.
• 18:46
  That's how this show grows.
• 18:47
  That's how we heal the planet together.
• 18:49
  And that's how we really connect.
• 18:51
  For more resources, free tools, and everything we talked about today, head over to sivansarna.com.
• 18:56
  That's S-H-I-V-A-N-S-A-R-N-A dot com.
• 19:00
  It's all there waiting for you.
• 19:02
  And until next time, keep asking the questions, keep finding the answers.
• 19:05
  You deserve the full picture and the very best.
• 19:08
  Namaste.