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What happens when you stop giving a narcissist attention · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  So what happens? What would happen if you stop
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  giving a narcissist attention if you new here?
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  My name is Lee Hammock. I'm a clinically diagnosed
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  narcissist. And welcome to another episode
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  of the Narcissist Code. Boom.
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  Welcome back. Welcome back.
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  Welcome back, folks. Yes.
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  So what would happen, y'all? What would happen if you give
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  you stop getting giving That narcissistic, toxic person who
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  thrives on attention? Who benefits from your
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  attention? Who gets fed from your
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  attention? What happens when you stop
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  giving and giving that to them? And you know, and just to start
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  off with, this is just not for intimate relationships.
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  This is just not for intimate. Like, it doesn't have to be
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  boyfriend, boyfriend, girlfriend, girlfriend,
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  boyfriend, husband, wife, whatever the dynamic is, this
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  can be your parent, your partner.
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  You're a toxic, narcissistic ass boss.
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  It really doesn't matter. Like what happens when you stop
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  giving that toxic narcissistic person in your life attention.
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  Because let's let's be real, let's keep it high.
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  What is attention to a narcissist?
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  What is it? What is attention to that
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  narcissist, to that toxic person?
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  What is it? What does it mean to them?
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  What does attention mean to them?
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  To a narcissist, a toxic person, whatever.
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  Attention is currency. So it's like you you're giving,
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  you're giving them currency, you're you're paying them,
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  right. It's like you're giving them by
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  paycheck, every week, every, you know, they get paid once a week
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  or bi weekly, whatever, whatever.
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  They they try to re up from you and whatnot.
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  So you giving them attention. So it's like cutting off the
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  paycheck of your employees and whatnot.
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  Because that's why I tell y'all if y'all don't understand what
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  I'm saying right here, you are in control.
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  You have the power, your attention, your currency is the
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  power. The narcissistic person, right?
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  The narcissist wants you to feel like they have the power, they
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  want you to, to convince you that they have the power, but
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  you have the power. You are in control.
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  You have it going on. You, you, you, you, you, you.
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  That's what. Because you do.
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  So what happens when you take that power away?
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  When you when you're not power, When you take that attention
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  away, they can lose their damn minds.
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  Just like if you fire somebody that need, that has to, you
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  know, just like if you fire somebody from a job
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  unexpectedly, they will lose their damn minds.
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  A lot of them will not. All of them will lose their
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  minds out. But there there's a big section
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  of narcissists and talk to people that will absolutely lose
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  their minds. When you take the attention away
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  from them, when you stifle them, when you, when you quote UN
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  quote, bleed them dry of their source of attention and whatnot.
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  Because this is how they survive.
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  This is how they thrive. This is you know, this is how
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  narcissists keep going. Like narcissists cannot self
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  soothe, most of them cannot self validate.
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  So it's just like, you know, most of us cannot self validate
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  because I'm one in this situation.
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  This applies to me. I can't self validate.
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  So I need somebody. I need people to validate me.
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  I need other people to validate my existence.
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  Have I gotten better with that over the last seven years of my
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  therapy? Absolutely, yes.
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  But with that being said, it becomes very difficult, as is
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  someone diagnosed A narcissistic personality disorder to get to
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  get my attention, needs met and whatnot.
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  It really does. And it's part of the dynamic
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  that so many of us face is that you have to deal with this toxic
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  narcissistic rage and things like that.
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  They can rage out on you. They can lose their damn minds.
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  They can like go like it's crazy.
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  They how they can act. You know, if you're in an
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  intimate relationship, like if you're in an intimate
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  relationship with a narcissist and you take the attention away,
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  a lot of them are going to automatically think that you
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  have someone else. If you're not giving me the
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  attention, you must, must be giving it to someone else,
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  right? Pardon the Interruption.
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  Just wanted to make sure that you subscribe to the channel.
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  If you have to, hit that subscribe button right now and
• 4:14
  make sure to turn on notifications so you don't miss
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  any uploads. Helps me reach more people and
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  back to the video and I already know what you're going to say.
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  Believe. What if we are not giving
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  anybody else the attention? What if we're just focusing on
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  ourselves? What if we just we feel like
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  we're fed up with the relationship dynamic and we just
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  want to focus on ourselves? Like, what if we don't don't
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  have anybody else that doesn't. Yeah, that's not going to make
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  the narcissist feel any better about the current situation.
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  That it just, it's just not. And I'm not trying, I promise
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  you. I'm not trying to be mean.
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  But you can try to explain it to them all you want to.
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  You can just say, hey, look, I don't, I'm not seeing anybody
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  else. I just want to work on myself.
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  I just want to be by myself. I just need some time to myself
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  and they're automatically going automatically going to think
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  that you're with somebody else. They just are.
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  This is the mindset. This is where it goes.
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  And that this is what I'm trying to convey to you.
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  This is how it goes. This is part of the dynamic.
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  This is part of the spectrum that you enter when you're
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  dealing with a toxic, narcissistic person.
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  It just is. And this is not me.
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  Again, yeah, I'm not trying to be mean, but this is where their
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  mind goes. Their mind automatically goes to
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  think that you have someone else.
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  Because why am I? Why?
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  Why you? Why you guys?
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  Why you? Why you don't want to be with
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  me. It can't be my problem.
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  It can't be something that I have done because I'm perfect.
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  I haven't done anything wrong. Gotcha.
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  That's how they get you. They try to make you feel like
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  you are obligated to deal with them, like you're obligated to
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  continue to talk to them. You are obligated to stay here
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  and deal with this abuse, to deal with this toxicity.
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  They'll guilt trip you, so if you start taking the attention
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  away, they might start applying pressure.
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  But of course, one of the reasons why narcissists think
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  that you're giving the attention to someone else is because they
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  would do that. If you are not giving me the
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  attention, I have to get it from someone else.
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  So I'm going to try to get it from someone else so they
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  automatically think that you're doing the same thing that they
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  are doing if you if I if I wasn't getting attention, I
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  would go get it somewhere else. So you must be doing the same
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  thing. I cannot think outside the box.
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  I cannot think outside my own mind, the reasoning to feel this
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  way, to think outside this box right here.
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  So that's what I'm just telling you.
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  This is what I'm trying to convey to y'all that this is
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  part of it right here. This is really part of the
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  dynamic. This is part of the process that
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  you ended up having to deal with and having to face when you're
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  trying to deal with this toxic person.
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  When you take the attention away, they can get super angry
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  at you, they can become super abusive towards you, they can
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  become ultra aggressive towards you.
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  They can try to put their hands on you, They can try to end your
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  life. They can become scary as hell
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  because they think the attention is going away and they're
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  they're needing it. They're starving, they're
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  dehydrated, They're starving. They need they they need a hit.
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  They need a bump from you. They need to, they need to, they
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  need to snort that attention from you.
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  You know what I'm saying? They just, they need to smoke
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  that attention from you. But seriously, it really is like
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  a drug guy. That's why I'm joking, because
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  you know what I mean? Drugs are not anything to play
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  with, but that's how they feel. And that's what I'm trying to
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  convey to y'all so much that this is where the mind of a
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  narcissist goes all the time, right?
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  They want to make you feel like you are being problematic, like
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  you have done this, you have done that.
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  There's so many other things that are going on here in this
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  situation that they'll they will continue to keep messing with
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  you. Why wouldn't they?
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  Why wouldn't they keep messing with you?
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  They feel like they are in charge.
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  So they'll they they, yeah, they want to get the power back.
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  They want to convince you that you're being too aggressive,
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  that you being too mean, that you'd be.
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  They want to guilt trip you into.
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  They want to guilt trip you into doing what they want you to be
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  doing and you taking attention away from them just makes them.
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  It's like you holding them accountable.
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  And narcissists don't want to be held accountable for anything
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  that they do. So if you if you start taking
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  attention from them, like they might not leave you or they
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  might not start, they might start, they might not start
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  accusing you. What a lot of them would do is
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  start cheating on you. They'll go try to get it from
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  somebody else, you know, they also try to get the attention
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  from someone else. Or if they already do, they
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  might already be doing it. Because being realistic, most
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  narcissists have a backup supply.
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  They have a backup source of attention that they're going to
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  get it from. Like if I'm not getting it from
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  you, I have to get it from someone else, right?
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  And attention does not always mean in the bedroom, Your
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  bedroom attention. It just means other validating
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  me, make me smile, you know, Giving me that supply,
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  validating my existence. It doesn't always require a
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  connection of clapping cheeks or something like that, you know?
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  It doesn't always. It doesn't always cross the
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  clapping cheeks. That dynamic.
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  It just does. A lot of times it just does this
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  other space right here. So this is what I'm trying to
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  convey to y'all. But this is the mindset, though.
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  Like when you strip them of the attention, they'll try to find
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  it elsewhere. They could become extremely
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  accusatory. They could attack you and try to
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  hurt you and try to harm you in so many different ways.
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  Like, and this is not me trying to this is not me trying to
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  scare you into giving them attention.
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  Hell no y'all know, y'all know. That's not what I'm trying to
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  do. I'm just telling to tell you to
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  be prepared when they because they can sense it.
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  It's like a sixth sense. They'll they'll they might even
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  ask you what's going on, what's wrong with you.
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  But they won't take blame for what's going on.
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  They'll always flip back on to something that you are also
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  doing. You must have also done this.
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  You must also be doing this. That's where their mind goes.
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  Like, seriously, that's where their mind goes.
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  Now, I hope this makes sense to y'all because, like, I'm trying
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  to bring you out a new heat and whatnot, because this is what it
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  is. When you start taking attention
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  from them, they are. They can lose their damn minds.
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  They can become lethargic. They they they can try to force
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  it out of you. They can try to just take it
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  from you, you know. So you have to be safe in this
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  aspect and this dynamic as well, because they might try to, if
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  you're not giving it to me, they might try to take it or go get
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  it from someone else. So it is a crazy mindset, y'all
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  because you have to prepare yourself.
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  Because a lot of narcissists, I will say this, have a fear of
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  abandonment. And they can feel it when you're
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  taking the attention away from them, when you take you
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  stripping the supply away from them, that they might absolutely
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  start to do something else. You know, if it's your parents
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  or whatever your parents love bomb you too.
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  Your parents can love bomb. I got a little family bomb.
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  Your friends can love bomb you. They might start to love bomb
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  you to get you to up the attention back.
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  They might give you, they might give you a little bit of
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  attention or a lot of attention just to get you to reciprocate
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  it back to them. Some of them will do that.
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  Some of them will do the back and forth thing, like I'm going
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  to get the attention from you, you get it from me, let's go
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  BBBB, blah, blah, blah. They'll love bomb you in order
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  to try to get more attention from you, if that makes sense,
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  you know? But yeah, I'm super thankful
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  for. Y'all, super brave for you.
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• 10:47
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  But to him this is that piece. Thank you so much for making it
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  to the end of my video. I am extremely grateful for you
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  have no idea. If you haven't already, make
• 10:56
  sure you go ahead and subscribe to the channel helps.
• 10:57
  Reach more people and click on the screen to watch another
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• 11:04
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  you've been through. Thank you so much again.
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  I will see you in the next video.
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  Peace.