Latest / 5–Minute Parenting: Tips to Help You Raise Competent, Godly Kids. / Self-care Techniques and Habits for Parents w/ Kristin Faith Evans

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Self-care Techniques and Habits for Parents w/ Kristin Faith Evans · 5–Minute Parenting: Tips to Help You Raise Competent, Godly Kids.

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to another episode of the Five Minute Parenting Podcast.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Karen Ferguson, wife, mom, grandmom, and children's book author with a background in K-8 education and a passion for equipping parents to raise confident and God-confident kids.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: In this podcast, we'll cover parenting practices for both a practical view and a biblical view.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: Our goal is to help you raise kids with a positive, godly self-image so they can become all they were created to be.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: I know you're busy, so we'll keep it short.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: Let's take just five minutes and dive in.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to Five Minute Parenting.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: I'm excited for today's show because we have a special guest here talking about the importance of self-care for parents.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: What a relevant topic in our fast-paced, hyper-connected world.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: Kristen Faith Evans is an award-winning author, national speaker, licensed master social worker, and a special needs mom.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: She's passionate about helping parents thrive in their faith, mental health, and marriage.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: Kristen has been featured on over 35 radio and podcast shows and published in magazines such as Focus on the Family and the American Association of Christian Counselors.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: She's experienced in couples, child and family, substance abuse, and crisis interventions, as well as church and retreat ministries.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: And she enjoys a cup or two of Italian roast coffee, dark chocolate, one of my favorites, traveling and authentic conversations with friends.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: Kristen, welcome to the show.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much for having me on, Karen.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, you bet.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: I'd like to just jump right in on this topic of self-care.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: Why is it important for parents and what tips can you give for help easing those stress levels?
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_01: So it is critical, um, a topic that I'm so passionate about because I'm a researcher and the statistics right now of the amount of stress we are under as parents is um historical, historically um more than ever before.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_01: Over 50% of parents say they are so overwhelmed they have a hard time functioning every day.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_01: And that impacts our kids because when we're stressed, we and we're anxious, our kids actually become more anxious, and it impacts their physical and emotional and psychological health.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_01: And so the first thing is parents in order to one um live a full life and have a high quality of life, and to help our children with their mental health is to learn how to regulate our own central nervous systems.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, yeah.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: Well, you know, you talk about mindfulness skills combined with faith practices, and I like that because sometimes, you know, when we hear the word mindfulness, we might think that's a bit woo-woo, you know.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: But I love that connecting to faith practices, and you talk about how it can reduce these harmful effects of stress that so many parents are dealing with.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: Can you speak a little more into that?
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so a lot of people are like, ooh, Eastern religion.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_01: It's actually uh it comes from just basic living centered with Christ as you're being in the present moment.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_01: So uh, for instance, breath prayer that actually comes from the concept from the 13th century, um, from the Jesus prayer of literally just sitting and with every breath, Jesus on your mind in the present moment.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_01: And so the research, mindfulness is kind of becoming this hot topic, and for a good reason, the health benefits are impressive and the mental health benefits.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_01: It actually can lower your blood pressure, uh, your heart rate, improve your physical health, and not to mention um just your psychological well-being and enjoyment uh of the day.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_01: So basically it's being in the present moment fully, not multitasking, which as parents we learn to do.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_01: But the thing about multitasking is doing more than one thing at a time and using different uh parts of our brain, it's actually um it's a myth.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_01: Our brains were not designed to multitask.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_01: We actually lose 40% efficiency trying to multitask.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_01: And so the idea of doing one thing at a time, being fully present with whoever you're talking to, with the one thing you're doing.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_01: If you're washing dishes, you know, you got to listen for your kids in the background, but your your mind is not going to your to-do list, instead, you are filling the hot, warm, soapy water.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_01: You're watching yourself scrub the dish.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_01: You are literally in the moment washing that one dish.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_01: And what that does, it uses a different part of our brain, which calms the amygdala, which is the emotional um part of the brain that reacts, and it begins to rewire our brain and calm our body's stress response system.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's amazing.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I would imagine too, you know, when we do take those moments to be fully present, it just kind of opens the door to more gratitude, you know, and just open to God speaking to us as well.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I would say, you know.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_01: Um well, if we're not in the present moment, we miss those moments, yeah.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_01: Especially with our kids and our families and our spouses.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_01: Because when we are in mindful conversation, we connect in a deeper way.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_01: We're able to know our children's needs in a deeper way.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_01: And when we're on our phone texting and talking to our spouse or our children at the same time, we are not fully listening and engaging and connecting.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's those simple moments of, you know what?
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_01: Um, actually, I was thinking about this this morning and working on a social media post.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I'm waking up and I'm like, oh, it's a rough day.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_01: Do I have anything to be thankful for?
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_01: And I realized we can always say, God, I am thankful for this moment.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's right.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: Thankful for our breath, right?
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: So true.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: Well, for busy parents, you know, who don't have a lot of extra time in the day, but they're feeling those pressures and they can feel that they're kind of overloaded with stress.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: What sort of practical techniques or routines can you uh recommend just to make a change in a few minutes each day?
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_01: So we try to make quote unquote self-care so complicated.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I need 40 minutes.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I you know, I need a day.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_01: It's actually those little micro moments throughout the day, literally 30, 60 seconds, those add up of pausing to just become aware of the present moment, taking proper deep breaths, which we do not breathe correctly when we're stressed.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_01: We breathe shallow, we breathe with our chest as opposed to our diaphragm.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_01: And so the most practical thing I teach parents is how to breathe properly.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's using our belly and taking that slow deep breath through our nose, inhaling, noticing our abdomen inflating like a balloon for three seconds, and then exhaling through pursed lips for four seconds, like you're blowing bubbles slowly.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_01: And what that does is it lowers our heart rate, it tells our our brain and our body and nervous system it's okay, you can calm down.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_01: So doing that 30 seconds four times a day actually has a tremendous impact in our well-being.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, and I've been there, you know, for when I was going through a time of high stress, uh and I I was introduced to this, I realized that I had just almost been holding my breath throughout the day.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: And that's not good for our health, it's not good for releasing toxins, none of that.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, exactly.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: That's good.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_01: Well, what about in our thinking skills?
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_01: It helps us.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, no, I mean, we can't make decisions as clearly even.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_01: We're not getting as much clear oxygen to our head, right?
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_01: And we're not as patient with our children.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, true.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: Well, what about breath prayers and muscle tensing and relaxing?
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, those are two of my favorite.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_01: So, breath prayer, you know, like I said, is just an ancient um Christian tradition.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_01: It's basically doing those deep, slow abdominal breaths and uh comparing a scripture or a very short uh prayer based on scripture.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_01: So what my go-to when I'm you know teaching the basics is um the Lord Almighty gives me life and his breath.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_01: Uh I am so botching the scripture.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_01: It's from Job.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_01: It's from Job.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_01: Um, you know, I do this all the time, but basically the concept is you pair your um inhale with the breath of Almighty, and then your exhale with gives me life.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_01: So it's this very simple um, you're breathing in scripture, you're doing the deep breathing, you're being with God in the present moment, returning all your focus to God is the center.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: So important.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_01: And then uh the progressive muscle relaxation, oh, it's so effective.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_01: So when we tense and release our muscles, it tells our brain, oh, okay, the threat is gone, you know, our fight or flight response system.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_01: And so what you do, you can do this in 30 seconds, you can do it in five minutes.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_01: There's guided meditations online, which I'm starting to do now.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so you can do it as simple as just with your hands and arms.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_01: You can squeeze your hand like you're holding a lemon, trying to squeeze all the juice out for three seconds and then just relax.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_01: And you can do that throughout the different muscle groups of your body, depending on how much time you have.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_01: You can start with your feet and go up to your head.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_01: Um, this helps with sleep.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_01: It actually greatly improves the quality of our sleep if we do this throughout the day or right before we go to sleep.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_01: But if you only have a minute, you know, tense your hands, tint your face, tint your shoulders up, squeeze your shoulders up to your chin, and then release.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_01: And that actually releases that stress and anxiety.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I'm doing that now.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_00: It feels good.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: Awesome.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: Well, Kristen, these are fantastic tips, really important to keep in mind and put into practice.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_00: So please share the best place with listeners to find you online so they can connect with you and get more of these tips.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: And then tell us about your books and resources for families.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so we love giving downloadable free resources.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so disabilityparenting.com.
• 12:27
  unknown: Okay.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_01: I have articles um that walk you through these practical exercises, downloads that you can download.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_01: And um, we're on Instagram, disabilityparenting, and we love to just inspire and give tips.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_01: And I um am launching my brand new YouTube channel, Frazzled to Calm, that I um literally launching it this week.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_01: I'm so excited.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_01: These Christian mindfulness guided meditations that I've been talking about.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_01: And then my husband and I released our multi-award-winning book, How to Build a Thriving Marriage as You Care for Children with Disabilities.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_01: It's based on research, but it's also our really hard story and just practical, practical things you can do.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_01: And then I'm so excited, Penguin Random House will be releasing my new book in October.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_01: And it's exactly this it is for frazzled parents.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_01: It's devotionals, but it's psychology and mental health combined with those faith practices, very practical exercises you do in the moment.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_01: So make sure and follow me to stay updated on that book release.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_00: That is exciting! Congratulations on that.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, thank you.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_00: Well, wonderful.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_00: We will link all that into the in the show notes for listeners to check out.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_00: And thank you again for being here, Kristen.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_00: Well, that is it for today.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_00: I pray this episode is a blessing to you.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_00: Please share it with another busy parent you want to encourage.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_00: And like and subscribe to Five Minute Parenting so you never miss an episode.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_00: Until next time, have a blessed week.