Latest / The Family Teams Podcast / Ignore Michelle Obama, Become A Ruling Family

Transcript

Ignore Michelle Obama, Become A Ruling Family · The Family Teams Podcast

• 0:00
  Imagine what we're comparing. We're comparing someone who had the power of life and death over millions of people, had the ability to bless or hurt millions or I guess even billions of people.
• 0:12
  And when they look at that, they don't see that as being the pinnacle. No, now that I've got the ability to go out with my girlfriend, you know, this is really the point. I got to tell you guys, it's so fragile. Like the fact that, that Barack and Michelle stayed married with this philosophy is quite an achievement. So this podcast is really by way of warning, like this is a really dangerous path for families to go down.
• 0:39
  Hi, welcome to the Family Teams Podcast. Our goal here is to help your family become a multi-generational team on mission by providing you with biblically rooted concepts, tools, and rhythms. Your hosts are Jeremy Pryor and Jefferson Bethke, and we can't wait to chat about all things family. Hey, everybody. Welcome back to the podcast. I'm here with my lovely wife, April, April, who just completed, what is it, 48 hours of discipleship getaway? Exactly.
• 1:06
  Just did a kickoff retreat. So exciting. Yes. Yeah. So one of the things we learned doing youth ministry is that you can get six months worth of relational slash teaching done in one weekend. That would take like six months to do in a bunch of like disconnected teaching times weekly. Yeah. So yeah.
• 1:30
  Yeah, we're a huge fan of like, how do we make discipleship life on life and how do we make it work? And so both April and I practice, you know, taking multiple different groups of apprentices through disciple making season every year. And it always starts with a immersive sort of kickoff. This is the first time we've ever done in the house. So that was fun. Yeah, that was really fun.
• 1:53
  Yeah, man. So good. So good to like open our lives to people and really make very concrete how to obey Jesus's command to go make disciples.
• 2:04
  That's not what today's podcast is about, but if you're interested in that, go over to 1kh.org and let me know. I love training, and April helps also us train, especially households, moms and dads, how to be making disciples, even in busy seasons with kids and littles in the house and everything. How do we stay on mission and do that and balance all the things? So very passionate about that. But today I want to talk to you, April, about matriarchy. Okay. Sounds good. Yeah. So there's this...
• 2:33
  progression that is very natural. You see it in cultures all over the world. It goes for women. It's, it goes from maiden to mother to matriarch. That's the progression. Yes. Our culture hates that last step.
• 2:49
  Becoming a grandmother is not something that women aspire to. And so the way that our culture actually, even though we want empowerment, it might sound like we'd be excited about matriarchy. We are not excited about matriarchy. One of the reasons we're not excited about matriarchy is because that actually suggests...
• 3:07
  patriarchy a patriarch and a matriarch needs a patriarch right and vice versa so um there's there's anything our culture hates more than matriarchy it's patriarchy um so uh what do we do instead what's the prescription for women and we're gonna we're gonna reveal this to you today the prescription in our culture is go from maiden
• 3:27
  to mother, back to maiden. So, and no one typifies this more perfectly than probably the quintessential woman of our day, at least in American terms, Michelle Obama. Maybe the most popular, at least on the left,
• 3:46
  woman in the world. So she has been going on podcasts and people have been asking her like, and this is what people are looking for. Like, what do we do? How do we age? What is the purpose of this season of life? So April, I'm going to reveal to you and all of us on this podcast, Michelle Obama's prescription for what this season of life is all about. Now, this is not intended to be political at all. We're not going to get into that, at least not intentionally. But,
• 4:15
  I think Michelle Obama is the, if you ask me, who's the one woman that the largest number of women, in America at least, kind of look up to as a possible model for how to age and what these different stages are for, how to live the good life as a woman. I would say Michelle Obama is probably on the top of the list. I mean, there's maybe previous times people would say someone like Oprah, but she's not married, she doesn't have kids.
• 4:45
  Sort of living out the life, sort of the symbolic life of the normal American, even though she has lived anything but a normal life. She does. She is a mother and she had children and she is a wife and she stayed married to her husband. And so anyway, these are all major accomplishments. But once you get past the stage of mother, what do you do next?
• 5:09
  And so I've been fascinated by what she said in April. Want to get your take on this. So I'm playing you guys a video. Entertainment Tonight is sort of a compilation of how Michelle Obama is living this next season of her life.
• 5:23
  What your life and your social life looks like right now. Man, it is whatever I want, Sophia. It's whatever I want. It's me focusing on being the best me that I can be. Michelle Obama breaking her silence on speculation she and husband Barack are on the outs. Our lives are not that exciting.
• 5:45
  The former first lady directly addressing split rumors with Sophia Bush on her podcast Work in Progress, admitting that her newfound independence after a life of public service is probably why people are talking. I have to make sure the girls are OK or my husband's president, so I can't do that.
• 6:05
  What am I doing? You know, who am I doing this for? Who do I want to have a lunch with? How long do I want to stay in a place? Do I want to travel? If a girlfriend calls and says, let's go here, I can say yes, I can. I love it for you so much. In my life that all of my choices are for me.
• 6:26
  Yeah, after eight years in the White House and raising two girls, Michelle is doing her own thing. Today, she has her own successful podcast and production company with Barack. And she continues to champion certain causes and campaigns when she can't. But when she skipped both President Carter's memorial and Donald Trump's inauguration in January, fans of the famous couple became concerned. This couldn't be a grown woman just making a set of decisions for herself, right? Right.
• 6:55
  The thing that we as women, I think we struggle with like disappointing people. I mean, so much so that this year people were, you know, they couldn't even fathom that I was making a choice for myself, that they had to assume that my husband and I are divorcing. Last week, Barack did make this shocking marriage confession during a conversation at Hamilton College. I was in a deep deficit with my wife.
• 7:22
  So I have been trying to dig myself out of that hole by doing occasionally fun things. Yeah, after 32 years of marriage, they're still working on it and slowing down to find more me time and time for each other. I can't blame my decisions and indecisions on anyone other than me. I think if I'm honest with myself, I could have made a lot of these decisions years ago
• 7:51
  but I didn't give myself that freedom. Ooh, I could have made these decisions years ago, but I didn't give myself that freedom. Okay, so I think a perfect description of what our culture believes a woman in this season of life ought to be doing. It's me time. So, April, what does that start for you? Um...
• 8:17
  Is this your life? I'm just curious. Have you reached a Michelle Obama season yet? Or are we still working on it? I mean, I do have to say, it sounds tempting. It sounds like...
• 8:35
  What she's saying makes total sense to me. If you believe what she believes, this is the natural progression where you're done at a certain point with, you know, with your kids and perhaps your kids aren't even in a place or doing anything that they actually need you anymore. And so what's left? Like, have you and your husband built anything together? Is it...
• 9:01
  Um, are there, is there meaning and richness to your life beyond those years? And so I think many women are finding themselves in that place where they have poured out a lot. Motherhood does take a lot out of you. And, um, I can see why the temptation would be like, I've done my time.
• 9:23
  I am, I've poured out and no one's been looking out for me. And so now I'm going to look out for myself. And even if you're not doing anything drastic, like getting a divorce or going and living by yourself or something like that, I think it would be tempting to kind of just say, I'm going to say, you know, take care of myself. And so I think that's greatly contrasted with the biblical narrative and the,
• 9:51
  with the mindset of our family being a team and wanting to work together for the good of everybody. And so if...
• 10:03
  If I lived my life that, you know, the last, so we've been married 27 years. We said our 27th anniversary. And if we would have, if I would have said at some point, you know, I'm just going to kind of look out for myself now. I really would like to, you know, start this career or do this thing that fulfills me and doesn't really help the family or propel anyone forward. And I'm just going to endlessly...
• 10:31
  do that thing then like she was kind of referencing i could have done this a long time ago right yeah meaning i could have had me time and thought only about myself a long time ago i think if you play that out where does that lead when what when you're in your 60s what is your life going to look like if you made that decision in your 30s i think you're going to be living a very different life
• 10:56
  Most families feel like work pulls them away from home. That's just how the system is set up. But what if it didn't have to be? What if you could build a business that actually served your family, aligned with your values, brought you together and gave you more time, not less? That's what we built Family Inc. to do. It's a step-by-step accelerator that helps families start and grow businesses, even if you don't have an idea yet.
• 11:18
  We'll help you get aligned as a team, choose the right model, launch well, and grow systems that actually work. And you won't be doing it alone. There's coaching, live calls, and a community walking the same road. If that sounds like something you've wanted but didn't know existed, check it out at familyteams.com slash familyinc.
• 11:40
  Yeah. She resisted that kind of selfishness early and it's actually benefited her. But now she's discovered something that is suggesting to her that if she could go back in time, she would have made different decisions, thinking that maybe her life would actually be in a better place. Now, the framing of all of this, and I'm really curious, April, how you think about this, because so I'm writing this book called The Ruling Household. Yeah.
• 12:01
  And the Obamas are at the pinnacle of, in some ways, the biblical progression that God designed a family to be, right? To be fruitful, multiply, fill, subdue, and rule. Like Barack's decision and Michelle's decisions and her influence over Barack, it was influencing over a billion people, right? I mean, they were a ruling household. Right.
• 12:26
  But the way that they think about that season of their life primarily is not in those terms, not as a family who's been slowly growing multigenerationally and is now has the wisdom and also now the responsibility to rule, you know, millions and influence billions of people. That's not the way they see it. They see it as individual accomplishments.
• 12:44
  Obama, Barack had his individual experience as a president. And while he was enjoying himself as an individual and achieving things as an individual for himself as an individual, he was, what he's saying, creating a deficit in his relationship with Michelle because he needed her to play this role.
• 13:03
  It's I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that I have to force you to do this, you know, to be married to me. And so now I'm in this huge deficit. And so now that he's left office, it's now Michelle's time because she wasn't actually fulfilling her purpose as the wife or the first lady of the United States. No, no, that was not good enough. Like,
• 13:24
  This is to her, she was sacrificing in a way that was really taking too much and wishing, as she's saying, wishing that she had resisted more, wishing that she had experienced freedom more while she was serving in that capacity. And so now she's got to make up for all of that lack of experience, all of that lack of me time by getting to indulge in much more impulsive kind of things.
• 13:51
  personal preferences, right? Oh, my girlfriend wants to go out. I mean, imagine what we're comparing. We're comparing someone who had the power of life and death over millions of people, had the ability to bless or hurt millions or I guess even billions of people.
• 14:08
  And when they look at that, they don't see primarily that as being the pinnacle. Now that I've got the ability to go out with my girlfriend, this is really the point. And I don't know if I'm overstating it or if you would correct any of this, but I'm just saying from my lens, from the Genesis 1 28 mandate for the family.
• 14:30
  that we are building these families in order to become, to serve, not as an individual, not me as like saying, hey, April, I'm sorry, I'm going to incur this massive deficit with you while I pursue this personal project of ruling and influencing and public service. And then you're going to endlessly take hits for that. No, like we're saying this is the whole point of marriage and family building and that your children now are coming into that as well. No, that's not the way they're thinking. Of course, they're thinking our kids are launched out.
• 14:57
  They're all going to do their own thing. And now Michelle really, she can't become a matriarch. Her daughters aren't getting married and having kids yet. And so she's now like in a state where she's just like, what do I do? And she went into therapy. She talks about this in one of her podcasts to figure out who she is and to understand how best to make herself the center of the story now. And Barack feeling like he has now an obligation.
• 15:23
  to make sure that he orbits her preferences because she spent so much time orbiting his preferences. I mean, this is this kind of negotiation, this kind of tit for tat, this is so, I gotta tell you guys, it's so fragile. Like the fact that Barack and Michelle stayed married with this philosophy is quite an achievement. And it's very difficult to stay married. And even in this next season,
• 15:48
  I do worry about them. Like that this is this, this arrangement that they are promoting now is one in which if you're going from made to mother to matriarch or from made to mother back to made, it makes a lot of sense why you would probably want to, I mean, why not? If what, what if one of those impulsive pleasures you want to indulge in is an affair or another romantic relationship? Because when you stir up that, that old season of life and think that that going back to that is actually
• 16:18
  Also, maybe promoting it for your husband, who himself might want to go from warrior, from father, instead of going to patriarch, he's now going back to kind of that warrior stage where he's going to woo a woman, right? Like, it's so clear why, especially if you're a powerful man or a successful woman, you would struggle to continue to make the sacrifices for this family that is essentially...
• 16:43
  blown apart, right? You got your daughters who are off doing their own thing and you are pursuing what you want and your husband is pursuing what he wants and, you know,
• 16:52
  Yeah, it just takes one small desire or a rift in the relationship to pull apart this incredibly fragile arrangement. So, yeah, there's a lot to this. But this podcast is really by way of warning. Like, this is a really dangerous path for families to go down. And just kind of exposing the fact that I think as a culture, we just are –
• 17:16
  getting as much as this is failing, we're getting more excited about this path. We're promoting it more. And we're going to therapy in order to reinforce and get trained in how to become this very self-focused kind of person and really develop the skills of me first. Like that is the religion of today. It really flies in the face of becoming one. You know, if you believe that a husband and a wife
• 17:46
  are becoming one, not just one flesh, but becoming one in so many ways. This is something I was reflecting on recently because it was our anniversary. And I had a moment when I was out somewhere and I saw a place and I was like, oh, Jeremy would love this place. It's so him. Yeah.
• 18:08
  And then I realized that I also really loved this place. And it was like a preference, like a taste. And I was like, wow, we have the same taste. And the journey of becoming one
• 18:24
  It just really struck me. I think you're dealing with it differently when you're newly wed, you're becoming one physically and then you're merging a bank account and maybe driving the same car and living at the same address and you're eating the same food for your meals. And so there's all these things that you're starting to kind of like merge.
• 18:47
  And within that, you know, and then of course, when children come, you're learning how to get on the same page about what you believe about discipline and how to handle a situation with maybe a health concern with the child. And like, you're becoming one in all these like beginning kind of new ways. And then 27 years passes and you look back, like they refer to their marriage 32 years. And you can see all the ways that you've experienced.
• 19:16
  kind of merged, like merged preferences, merged interests. And, and like, it's, it gets to a place where, like, I, I, we can pull an event off with very little discussion, because we've done it so many times, or we've pressed into the hard things, or we were willing to try things, and then evaluate them, and look back. And so we have built, yeah,
• 19:42
  something over time together, you and I. And this has created a oneness that I think the American voice is so loud that I actually was starting to reflect on our 27 years together with the questions like, who am I? What am I within this? What is my own personal – where have I gone? And
• 20:09
  And the resounding answer to those modern individualistic questions was, I am one with my husband. That's who I am. And how beautiful that can be. And I think it is nailed on a chalkboard to some people. But the way I am experiencing it is that it's absolutely beautiful. And something I love experiencing. Somehow we have built a life that I love. Yeah.
• 20:39
  And I feel like I'm, I feel heard. I feel understood. I feel like I have a role. I feel like I matter. I feel like I'm making a difference. And I feel like what I'm doing is important and is significant. Yeah.
• 20:59
  It's a very small, I have a small world. I have a very small, I'm not influencing millions and billions of people, but I am, I have my own, my little grandson is saying, he's keeping track of my comings and my goings. There goes grandma, grandma's coming back now. To the people that matter in my life, I matter to them. And so I think that there is a significance. When women are,
• 21:28
  Again, so much of like the maiden to mother to matriarch is an embracing of God's design. This is how he designed it. Like, of course, we're going to age. Like, that's a part of life now. And so we have to get used to that. And what does that look like? And there might be things we need to kind of mourn along the way. Like, oh, I am now...
• 21:52
  you know, if I'm mourning things I will never get to do or never be anymore because of my age or because of my choices in life in a way, in what I would call a good way that I've realized I will never be a rock star. I will never be a secret agent. I will never be an astronaut. So these things that maybe we think we want to do in our individualism,
• 22:18
  you know, something like a matriarch flies in the face of that because a matriarch just kind of denotes like an overseeing, a managing, a – I have a role as the – to kind of run this relational map that we have developed and the relational connections that we are overseeing or different
• 22:48
  the opposite of me saying, I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. Now, I do have a lot of freedom over my time. And I do get to do a lot of things that I want to do. But a lot of things I choose to do are things that are for other people or on behalf of other people. And it's not because I'm such a great person, and I'm so wonderful or anything like that. But it's like,
• 23:12
  It's a journey towards service and not a journey towards like some kind of self self-fulfillment. Like fulfillment and meaning are found through discovering how you can serve people and how you can serve your family. And so like for women, it's really it always starts in the core and goes out out from from that core. It starts with the family, her relationship with her husband and goes out. And for the husband, it also does this, although I think he has a part of his duty is to.
• 23:39
  push out into the world early for the sake of provision and for other reasons. But I think that, yeah, this is a confusing – the pathway for this is so confusing because when I think about part of what we see in the Obamas, like what you just described, which is a real pathway towards oneness and towards serving together as a team.
• 23:59
  They their pathway was to get as much kind of individual career fulfillment as possible and sometimes make inappropriate sacrifices for each other. Well, and always tit for tat or, OK, am I taking more from you again? Incredibly fragile. And then once somebody has gotten too much, then it flips and the other person gets, you know, their me time.
• 24:18
  Um, and it's not about others. It's not about service. It's, it's not about like, we're on this trajectory to do this as a team. Now, one of the things that's cool is that they, they did start this, uh, production company together. And there are things I think that, um, Barack and Michelle enjoy doing together, but you know, this all kind of blew up because she was, she stopped going to events where she could have, you know, really served the public well. Um.
• 24:41
  And people were confused by that and wondering if this was some kind of signal that their marriage was in trouble. And she's like, no, it's just me prioritizing myself. Like, that's what it is. I mean, she revealed what it was. We're no longer primarily thinking about it. And so what she's not doing in these interviews is she's not promoting the things that they're doing as a team and primarily talking about her identity as a part of this larger family that she started. And I think, again, a part of this is because you have fewer children and your children aren't having kids.
• 25:08
  If that's not happening, it is really confusing as to what is a woman supposed to do during this time? You know, it does get kind of weird if you don't make this transition. Now, I think that part of what's happened and I want to play this this next clip for you. This is fascinating to me. Freya India was on a podcast where she was describing that for the first time in recorded history, young men are more religious than young women.
• 25:34
  And she describes why this is happening. And she believes it's this me-centered therapy culture that has gone viral within sort of female spaces. And what this means for this conversation of becoming one, of really accepting and enjoying each of these transitions from maiden to mother to matriarch.
• 25:54
  This is all about you stay as an individual, stay in that maiden phase. And that's really what I think Michelle was saying was she her mistake was making the transition to mother like her mistake was making the transition to wife. Her mistake was making the transition to to make too much of her identity about her family.
• 26:13
  about her kids and her husband and not enough about her. And now back to maiden, because that's really what our culture believes. And that's what therapy culture teaches. So let me, let me play this for you. Not all therapy culture. I just want to say that I know there are great therapists out there and there are reasons for therapy, but, but why is Michelle Obama going to therapy? Does she have some trauma she needs to get over? She says, this is why she's learning to prioritize herself. So I'll play this for you guys and see what you think of the, of this take.
• 26:39
  Like Christianity, I think most young women just view it as really restrictive and limiting
• 26:46
  And something like therapy culture or just liberal culture in general tells them that any limit or constraint is a problem. Therapy culture on TikTok, it will say something like, don't be a people pleaser, don't be needy. But these things are kind of the opposite of what Christianity is telling you, which is like, you should be someone who puts your needs second. It's good to be someone who gives for other people, who depends on people and they depend on you.
• 27:13
  That's not the message girls are growing up with. First time in history, young women are less religious than young men now. Typically, women would have been more... Yeah. But among Gen Z, it's men that are going to church way more than women now. And Jonathan Haidt did some research on this showing that he like presented, he looked at a survey of statements and they were things like, I have no hope in myself, I don't believe, like really self-disparaging statements.
• 27:42
  And he found that teenagers without religion agreed with them way stronger than teenagers who were religious and especially who were conservative. External locus of control. So conservatives tend to have more of an internal locus of control. So they feel more control over things happening in their lives. Also, if you're a conservative teenager, you're more likely to be living with both parents, which I think protects your mental health. And also your parents are more likely to have clearer
• 28:12
  boundaries with you. Well therapy culture I think it probably is getting in the way in a sense because it's it's kind of the opposite of religion so if you think of Christianity it's about dying to yourself like giving up some of yourself and to be part of something bigger. Therapy culture is all about going more and more into yourself discovering yourself and like finding your authentic self it's the complete opposite. So something like Christianity I think most
• 28:42
  Oof. Yeah. So I don't think we've had this clarity within the church about...
• 28:50
  these are theologically different ideas, right? And she's using this term therapy culture, and she's not talking, again, like there's a broad spectrum, I'm sure, of therapists out there, Christian therapists, people that use the Bible, people that are actually helping people overcome, you know, some serious problems that they otherwise can't be helped with. But therapy culture, I think, is different. Therapy culture, and she like talks about TikTok, and it is a religion, it is a theological conviction that I come first, right?
• 29:18
  And it is the opposite, she says, of Christianity, which is about dying to yourself. And that this is the reason why there is a massive split happening within Gen Z between men returning to Christianity and women not returning to Christianity and going deeper into this kind of therapy cult or this new religion of me first. It's an old religion, but it's got a new kind of a new cast of characters and a new framing. So, yeah, what does that start for you?
• 29:47
  Well, it reminds me of a time I have a friend who her dad is a therapist and talking through how rare it is for him to get a client who actually wants to overcome something, who wants to say, who's saying something like, hi, I'm new here and I need to spend six weeks paying you to help me understand something about myself so that I can get on with my life.
• 30:15
  And I was so surprised that that was like an odd thing. She said, those are the unicorn patients. And everyone else is just there. They're just gonna keep paying. They're gonna keep coming. They're just there to kind of like either complain or just talk about themselves or try to understand themselves more, but with no end in mind of like, what success could look like or how I can like get on with success.
• 30:41
  my life or have a victory and then move on or grieve something, go through the grieving process. It takes time, but then be able to move on, accept the thing and move on. Why do you think women are being caught in this so much more in Gen Z than men? That...
• 31:00
  For whatever reason, I think there are different religions or different theologies or different deceptions, demonic deceptions that are more aimed at men than women. But yeah, why is this one particularly effective? Well, I think it plays on our emotions. And I think women do tend to be more emotional creatures. And we have a desire to be understood or to be heard or to talk and to verbally process things. And I think if we don't have...
• 31:27
  a counterpart in our life to help us do that. Like if, if, you know, if we don't have like a husband or even just like a parent, like a mom who will listen or a dad who will take the time, then where do we go with that? Yeah.
• 31:42
  And how do we process? How do we work through things? So I think that those needs are legitimate. They're real need to kind of like get stuff off our chest or process things. But to not have, I think it's another way that the breakdown of the family has, you know, this is another consequence of that. So, you know, I think in a healthy situation, you would have a mom you could kind of confide in or talk to or a sister. And then as you get older and then maybe get married, you would have the
• 32:09
  you know, nurture that kind of relationship with your spouse, where you can like work through stuff. Um, your, your spouse can, of course I'm talking about a believing mindset. If I have a spouse that can help me like, um, un, uncover my own fault in a situation, like, Oh man, I, I really need to repent of that because I, I said this thing and it wasn't, you know, if I, if I can work through that with my spouse, wow, that's incredible. Um, um,
• 32:37
  even if it's about another situation outside of the spousal relationship. But like, I think that if you have to turn to a therapist for that again, like you said, of course there are situations where that's highly necessary and you need a paid professional to like help you dig deep and go down. But in general, I think, you know, with the help of the Holy spirit you know, we as believers have the authority to work through stuff in our own lives and to have victory and,
• 33:06
  And to be able to say, okay, I've dealt with that and now it will no longer cripple me and I am going to move forward. You're recapturing, I think what kind of seems to be mistaken here somehow is that the reason why you need to go through therapy in some circumstances is not necessarily because...
• 33:29
  you're trying to get control maybe of your life, but that doesn't necessarily theologically tell you what you should aim your life at. So if I get more self-discipline or I overcome bad addictions or habits –
• 33:43
  what do I do next? I could still then take that and point all of that newfound freedom, that newfound discipline at myself, what my preference is, or I can point them at my family, or I can serve others. But the real problem here is that when therapists become theologians and say, okay, now that you have this newfound freedom, the healthy way that they're using their therapeutic language that sounds like we're just talking about science, the healthy thing to do now is point all of that newfound freedom, discipline,
• 34:13
  understanding at yourself. All of these, all of these, these need, and the ironic, the obvious thing there in some level is, well, that's the best way for, I think this to can make this an ongoing thing because now that I've enrolled you in my religion, and again, this is not necessarily strictly about meeting with an actual therapist in an office. This is also about all this, all this messaging, you know, coming on.
• 34:36
  Right. On social media. So, um, yeah, all these influencers who are, I mean, there's no easier message in the world to sell to somebody. Yeah. And focus on yourself. You should come first. It's me time. Now, April, I want to ask you as somebody who is entering into this matriarch,
• 34:53
  Most of the women listening to this are, you know, maybe at the early stage of mother and they're finding it really difficult to die to themselves. And they're, they're probably inundated with messages from the culture, whether it's TV shows or social media saying to them.
• 35:11
  Put your, prioritize yourself. Just like Michelle Obama said, you know, I wish I would have done this earlier. I would have prioritized my own freedom, my own preferences earlier as an individual. Think about yourself as an individual. What do you say to somebody who is hearing those messages, but believes in Jesus, wants to follow what God has laid out as his path, but is finding it, this tension really difficult in this season?
• 35:38
  I would say you do have to take care of yourself. Like we're not selling the message of like, you should never, you know, do anything for yourself and you should never have a break. So there is so much about the early years of motherhood that are exhausting. And I think a part of, and wants to see his wife thrive. And so-
• 36:08
  being able to get to the place where he can support his wife in such a way that she has the money, ability, time to do something that will help her rejuvenate. And so I do think that that's very important as a young mom. And so it will be temporary. You know, it might be like a two-hour block, a two-hour break. But...
• 36:36
  That's a cross. You will have a season. It's important to remember that your kids will not always be this age. You might be in that cycle for a while where you're pregnant, nursing, recovering, and then have a little bit of time. And then, again, you're pregnant and then nursing and recovering while you have a two-year-old. And that cycle does go on for a few years. In my case, it was about a 10, 11-year span of my life.
• 37:05
  And so that sounds like, oh my gosh, 10 years of this, 11 years of this is a lot. And that's another reason why I think Shabbats are so important. Like taking a day of rest is so important. Having a day where you can, you and your husband can figure out how to find your off button and how to truly get a chance to like refresh yourself for the week that's to come. And then having this week,
• 37:29
  of having your mini breaks in between. That's why nap times are so important for your kids. This is a very tiring part of life. When you're potty training and doing so many loads of laundry, when you're making food three times a day, four times a day,
• 37:46
  time, seven days a week, like the repetitive nature of that can also be exhausting, the exhaustion that comes from consistent discipline. So, but also remembering that we are attached to the source. Like if, you know, Jesus said, abide in me and I will abide in you and be attached to the branch. Like he, he says that I am the vine, you are the branches. It's if he's,
• 38:09
  literally picture a branch attached to a vine, you're connected. And that branch is getting its nutrients from the vine. And the vine is connected to the root structure. And so if you picture spiritually, you need to be attached to the father to,
• 38:26
  so that he can be refilling you and giving you the source of life. Because some of that exhaustion is like a spiritual exhaustion or like an emotional exhaustion. It's not just the physical. And so we need the breaks from all the fronts. So remember that as a believer, you have the resources that you need in the Lord to get re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-
• 38:52
  Rejuvenated? Rejuvenated. Thank you. A lot of business-owning dads feel torn in two directions. They want to grow something meaningful at work, and they want to lead their families well, but it constantly feels like one comes at the expense of the other. That tension is real, and if you don't solve it, you drift. That's why we created Integrated, a mastermind for fathers who follow Jesus, own a business, and want to build a multi-generational family that's strengthened, not sidelined, by the work. We meet in person twice a year, bring in experts, solve real challenges, and stay connected between meetups.
• 39:22
  It's a place where men sharpen each other and learn how to grow both their business and their household. If that's what you've been needing, head to familyteams.com slash integrated.
• 39:34
  Well, yeah, so there's sort of like, there's like short-term and long-term ways to persevere through these seasons. So in the short-term, while you're in motherhood, like all the things, April, you just said about staying close to the vine, making sure that you, as your husband, like speaking to the fathers and the husbands, like you need to care for your wives. Like they need to be thriving, even in this difficult season. There's gonna be times where that's not even possible. You're gonna hit survival mode. One of the questions we constantly were asking,
• 40:03
  each other as, are you in thriving mode or survival mode? It was okay to dip into survival mode for a few weeks, maybe even a few months. We couldn't live in survival mode. That is not healthy. And so we're going to, all right, we're going to pull out all the stops, figure out how to help you get out of survival mode and back into a place where you would say, I'm thriving. Like that is so important.
• 40:24
  So that's the short term. The long term, this sort of idea that he who knows why can bear almost any how. One of the things that I think is so missing in the whole conversation is the what's coming, the beauty of the Proverbs 31 matriarch, that what it would mean to actually be.
• 40:41
  be a part of and at the head of a ruling household, a household that is actively multiplying, subduing, you know, filling, subduing, and ruling. Like this is beautiful as this sort of second half of family life that most people don't ever experience. They just blow their family up as their kids grow and they head off.
• 40:58
  You know, into the sunset. And so this is this is the I think this is one of the reasons why it's difficult also to get through the hard seasons of motherhood, because you don't really see something coming up on the horizon that's going to make all of this sacrifice worth it.
• 41:13
  So, but, but I think that the, the last thing I wanted to mention too, you know, what Freya India was pointing out about Christianity is true. You know, there's only one teaching of Jesus that is in all four gospels. And it is when Jesus says there's different sort of variations on this theme, but apparently he said it a lot.
• 41:31
  as it's in all four gospels, he who will save his life will lose it. But whoever will lose his life for my sake and for my kingdom will save it. Right. He who finds himself. So what is the opposite, exact opposite of what Michelle Obama said at the beginning of this? Yeah. She said, she said, whoever, whoever will find their life will save it. And that's not what Jesus said. Right. Yes. He says, whoever finds their life will lose it.
• 41:59
  but whoever loses his life or her life for my sake will find it. In other words, you find your purpose. You find why God made you by losing your life, by giving yourself to something bigger than you are. That is the essence of Christ's teaching. And so this new secular anti-Christian religion
• 42:20
  is growing. It's becoming extremely popular amongst lots of people, especially women, but men as well. But man, is it taking off in those circles. And I can't imagine a more destructive message for young women who are on the path from maiden mother to matriarch than to say at the very beginning, make sure in this whole process that you always put yourself first.
• 42:46
  and that you only are doing these things if they benefit you in a short term, you know, um, man, is that a, just, that's the end of family right there. Family's over. So yeah. Yeah. So, uh, we'll wrap, wrap it up. Any last things you want to say before, uh,
• 43:01
  Yeah, I want to say if you are a believer, like if you're a Christian and that means that you have said Jesus is Lord of your life. And if you find yourself being offended by something in the word or if you find yourself being convicted by something and you're like, I don't know if I really want to give that up, then you need to ask yourself the question, is Jesus Lord? Yeah.
• 43:28
  Because if he is, then we can trust him to help us through this thing that feels hard to give up or hard to believe that he'll come alongside you. And he said he would never leave us or forsake us as we're on this journey of life. And so I want to just encourage you guys. When I find myself really struggling, I have to remember, oh, yeah, Jesus is Lord. He's got me.
• 43:55
  And then I can kind of, you know, I can't, even if I can't picture that future, I don't know exactly how this is all going to turn out or like, is it going to, is this going to be worth it? Then I do ask, I ask that question, like, is Jesus, have I let him be Lord of this?
• 44:10
  this situation or this conviction. Yes. Yep. That's step one, guys. Confess with your mouth, Jesus is Lord. And that's what changes everything. That's what puts you perpetually in a position where you are serving someone, someone else and someone else's kingdom. And so that's not just for women or for moms. That's for dads. That's for every believer. We all are sacrificing our lives for the kingdom of God. So awesome. Thanks so much, April, for jumping on here and talking about this today. Yep.
• 44:37
  Thank you for listening to the Family Teams podcast. If you're enjoying this content or have learned something new, please make sure to leave a rating and review and share with a friend. To stay up to date with our events, new content, and products, you can follow us on Facebook and Instagram at Family Teams.