Latest / Marriage Life and More and Bible Study / 2B or Not 2B Unequally Yoked (4 Laws of Love Series) - 202

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2B or Not 2B Unequally Yoked (4 Laws of Love Series) - 202 · Marriage Life and More and Bible Study

• 0:13
  Daniel Moore: Satan, he'll make sure that this happens.
• 0:15
  Daniel Moore: Satan will always put it into their mind Well, they hate this one thing and you gave that up for them.
• 0:21
  Daniel Moore: So why don't you just do that for you know for once here, and that'll get them back, you know.
• 0:27
  Daniel Moore: And just that thought process can start, and then that just starts creating huge issues.
• 0:32
  Michelle Moore: Yeah, I think that's the reason why you really think about it.
• 0:36
  Michelle Moore: If you're putting God first, you're taking that time to let God bring you the perfect one, and because you know his timing is perfect.
• 0:47
  Michelle Moore: And you know, a lot of times we're selfish and we want to do what we want to do and that's the reason why we end up in those situations and for our points of getting married to people that that's not what God intended in the first place.
• 1:02
  Daniel Moore: No, Join us this week as we continue our study on the law of priority in the four laws of love.
• 1:10
  Daniel Moore: We're going to get back into that right after this landfall and the mountain should crumble to the sea.
• 1:52
  Daniel Moore: Welcome once again to Connecting the Gap.
• 1:58
  Daniel Moore: I'm Daniel Moore, your host, and sitting here with me this week is my wife, michelle.
• 2:02
  Daniel Moore: I want to thank you guys for joining us this week.
• 2:05
  Daniel Moore: If you're not familiar with our show, check out our website, wwwconnectingthegapnet.
• 2:09
  Daniel Moore: For our platforms.
• 2:10
  Daniel Moore: We release one of these every Thursday on YouTube Rumble as well.
• 2:14
  Daniel Moore: The links are there on the website.
• 2:15
  Daniel Moore: We're also on the Christian podcasting app, edify, and you can also visit us on social and on Facebook at facebookcom forward slash ctgaponline.
• 2:26
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• 2:31
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• 2:37
  Daniel Moore: There's several places you can leave comments like that.
• 2:39
  Daniel Moore: We'd be eternally grateful to you for doing that.
• 2:43
  Daniel Moore: Well, over the last couple of weeks here, we have gotten started into our marriage series here on Connecting the Gap and we've called this the Four Laws of Love, and this very first law that we have been in has been the law of priority and I think if you've been married for any extended period of time out there, you know that trying to prioritize things in your marriage sometimes is very difficult and we have a tendency of falling into a rut and we have a tendency of not really taking care of our marriage the way that we should and we kind of put it on the back burner.
• 3:14
  Daniel Moore: And biblically, one of the most important things in our marriage is to keep our priorities straight and this week we're going to continue that discussion with the law of priority here on Connecting the Gap.
• 3:35
  Michelle Moore: Dear Busy Spouse.
• 3:36
  Michelle Moore: Of course you are too busy for your spouse right now.
• 3:39
  Michelle Moore: There is too much going on.
• 3:42
  Michelle Moore: On a normal day, your kids' needs, schedules and bedtimes suck every last bit of energy out of you.
• 3:50
  Michelle Moore: On a normal day, your boss is demanding, your youngest has the flu and the deadline for your work project is looming.
• 3:57
  Michelle Moore: But during the holidays, we do all of that.
• 4:00
  Michelle Moore: And then there are 17 different holiday parties to attend.
• 4:04
  Michelle Moore: Find something to wear and coordinate sitters.
• 4:08
  Michelle Moore: You need to take your kids to see Santa shop for the 87 different people.
• 4:13
  Michelle Moore: Take beautiful pictures for your Christmas card, decorate your house, take pictures of said decorations and post them on Instagram.
• 4:22
  Michelle Moore: You need to buy teacher gifts for every kid's teacher, and even though you contributed to the class gift, you still panic and wonder if you need to send in something extra.
• 4:32
  Michelle Moore: This is just the tip of the iceberg.
• 4:35
  Michelle Moore: There is so much to do.
• 4:37
  Michelle Moore: If I don't say it here as a defender of marriages everywhere, no one will.
• 4:42
  Michelle Moore: You're getting it wrong.
• 4:44
  Michelle Moore: In fact, our culture will tell you the exact opposite.
• 4:48
  Michelle Moore: You will receive 4,780 likes for the beautifully decorated Christmas mantle and 157 texts will roll in once your 200 closest friends and family receive your holiday cards to tell you how stinking cute your family is.
• 5:03
  Michelle Moore: You will receive 18 compliments at the neighborhood holiday party about your perfectly baked cookies or perfectly accessorized holiday outfit.
• 5:13
  Michelle Moore: Around every corner, on every inch of social media, you will receive praise, affirmation and accolades about everything you have done and are doing to busy yourself.
• 5:25
  Michelle Moore: Chances are not one person will comment, care or point out to you that you haven't talked to your spouse about anything more than schedules.
• 5:34
  Michelle Moore: In three weeks, no one will fuss at you for obsessing over the growing list of plans at the detriment to you and your family's physical and mental health.
• 5:43
  Michelle Moore: No one will tell you that, as you let our busy cultural suck the life out of you and your marriage and subsequently that your family will suffer, since no one else, maybe, except your neglected spouse, will tell you we will, you're getting it wrong.
• 6:00
  Michelle Moore: You are sacrificing a lot of energy, time and effort on the wrong things.
• 6:06
  Michelle Moore: All the time, marriage counselors hear the devastating stories of the couples that got caught up, got too busy and made the detrimental transition from romantic partners to co-parents and co-owners of the family business called raising kids and maintaining a home.
• 6:23
  Michelle Moore: They get to hear the tears of regret and sadness of how a couple let their busy schedules overtake their lives.
• 6:30
  Michelle Moore: They get to see the pain involved when two people look at each other like strangers after years of focusing on everyone and everything else other than one another.
• 6:40
  Michelle Moore: Therefore, they will feel obligated and compelled to tell you you are getting it wrong.
• 6:46
  Michelle Moore: You are sacrificing the most important things relationships, connection, security, love and quality time for the least important things image, superficial chit chat and praise.
• 7:02
  Michelle Moore: I realize no one is going to post on your Facebook tomorrow.
• 7:05
  Michelle Moore: Great job not getting to that super fun Christmas party last night to stay home and snuggle with your spouse and kids.
• 7:12
  Michelle Moore: You are not going to receive 300 likes for all that well-needed, connected and conversation you had with your husband last night after the kids went to bed.
• 7:22
  Michelle Moore: That had nothing to do with planning.
• 7:24
  Michelle Moore: No one is going to affirm you to putting your spouse first Seriously no one.
• 7:31
  Michelle Moore: But you need to know every time you make your spouse a priority, everyone wins you, your marriage and your family.
• 7:40
  Michelle Moore: Every time you put things aside to connect with your spouse, you're getting the reward tenfold with your mental, emotional and physical health, and that of your kids too.
• 7:51
  Michelle Moore: So great job turning off the TV last night and sitting face to face with your spouse just to catch up.
• 7:58
  Michelle Moore: I'm so proud of you for putting the kids to bed a bit early so that you can have some time with your spouse before you both get too tired.
• 8:06
  Michelle Moore: Here are the 200 Facebook likes from us for scheduling a sitter for dinner out and ice skating with your spouse.
• 8:14
  Michelle Moore: Here is a thumbs up emoji for taking a bundled up stroll with your spouse on a lazy Sunday afternoon.
• 8:20
  Michelle Moore: Great job, signed your marriage counselor.
• 8:26
  Daniel Moore: That's pretty awesome and I think, as you were sitting there relaying that to us here today, I think probably a lot of you out there listening can probably insert yourself into that story just a little bit.
• 8:39
  Daniel Moore: Michelle and I, over the last couple of weeks, we've already talked about how we've gotten our priorities messed up and how we've allowed things to get in front of us in our marriage in the past and a newsflash.
• 8:53
  Daniel Moore: We're still not perfect at making sure that doesn't happen.
• 8:57
  Michelle Moore: No, not at all.
• 8:58
  Daniel Moore: We try our hardest to make sure that we have the time there for both of us, and I think we do much, much better than what we ever have in our whole marriage.
• 9:08
  Michelle Moore: Even without kids, it still gets super busy.
• 9:11
  Daniel Moore: It can because, as we're going to talk about with some of our priorities today, there's a lot of things that you can push into your life that'll prioritize things in a different manner than what they're supposed to be, besides just your family.
• 9:24
  Daniel Moore: And so if you're not careful, you know a lot of couples may think well and I've had this thought process myself, so I know other people have had to have it as well but a lot of times married couples they'll just be super busy constantly with their kids the whole time they're growing up and in the back of their mind they're thinking well, someday these kids are going to be gone and my husband and I, or my wife and I, we're going to have all the time in the world to spend with each other and catch up on lost time.
• 9:51
  Daniel Moore: And, you know, make all this stuff right and do things together.
• 9:54
  Daniel Moore: But in all reality, more often than not, that's not how it works.
• 9:59
  Michelle Moore: No, not at all.
• 10:01
  Daniel Moore: Because when the kids are gone, our natural human tendency is to fill that gap with something else, and a lot of times it's not relationships, that's not the thing that we fill that gap with.
• 10:11
  Daniel Moore: And so, as we start this week and talking about the law of priority, this week we're going to really talk about how those priorities should look and these priorities they actually start at the altar should look, and these priorities, they actually start at the altar.
• 10:27
  Daniel Moore: It's not a thing where you, someday, when I have kids, I'm going to start working on my priorities because I'm going to have to make sure everything's in the right order.
• 10:33
  Daniel Moore: That's not really the way that works.
• 10:34
  Daniel Moore: Our priorities start from the moment that we decide.
• 10:36
  Daniel Moore: We're going to say I do.
• 10:38
  Daniel Moore: And we walk down that aisle.
• 10:39
  Daniel Moore: Actually, the priorities probably start when you're dating, to be quite honest.
• 10:44
  Daniel Moore: Although when you're dating it's so much easier to keep those priorities straight because you're just so madly in love, you know you're constantly, you do everything you can to impress your boyfriend or girlfriend, to make sure that you can keep them on that hook until you can get them, until you can get married.
• 10:58
  Daniel Moore: And so a lot of times I think all of us know as married couples that the type of love that we have as we get deeper and deeper into our marriage is really a totally different kind of love than what it was back when we were dating.
• 11:11
  Daniel Moore: The dating thing is not really a reality sometimes because we're in that mode of trying to win our partner at that point.
• 11:19
  Daniel Moore: But one of the things that trips people up a lot of times and it actually tripped us up and it tripped up me in my first marriage I really had this issue in both scenarios All the way to the altar couples do highly prioritize their relationship.
• 11:37
  Daniel Moore: It's one of the most important things to them.
• 11:39
  Daniel Moore: They're trying to build that, they're trying to make it grow.
• 11:41
  Daniel Moore: They're trying to figure each other out.
• 11:43
  Daniel Moore: How are we going to be able to live for the next?
• 11:45
  Daniel Moore: You know, 20 to 50, 60 years, depending on how old you are when you get married and make this work, and in the process of this, the couples console themselves with the idea that everything's going to be fixed when they get married, if there's any differences whatsoever.
• 12:01
  Daniel Moore: While we're in that dating period, things that we don't agree on, some things can seem really big and it might actually bust the dating relationship up, but there's a lot of things we'll tolerate.
• 12:14
  Aria: Yeah.
• 12:14
  Daniel Moore: And we will think well, I don't really like this about my partner, but I think when I get married I can change them.
• 12:22
  Michelle Moore: Oh yeah.
• 12:22
  Daniel Moore: I think I can work this out and I can fix it.
• 12:25
  Daniel Moore: That's the first thing that we talk about, and they spend lots of time together and focus on each other during the wedding and the honeymoon.
• 12:32
  Daniel Moore: I mean that's all your eat, drink and sleep.
• 12:34
  Daniel Moore: You know you're trying to set this wedding up, figuring out where you're going to go for your honeymoon trip and the new relationship and living arrangements keep the excitement there, to keep things going.
• 12:45
  Daniel Moore: Even though you might have some type of a little issue there lurking in the dark in the closet, you kind of ignore that for the time being because you think I can fix this.
• 12:54
  Daniel Moore: So in our relationship we have had that happen with us and especially I can really refer back to my first marriage with this issue because me and my first wife were unequally yoked spiritually.
• 13:09
  Daniel Moore: Now this is a big one.
• 13:12
  Daniel Moore: There are things that you can probably fix after you get married to a degree.
• 13:16
  Daniel Moore: There are some things that are small.
• 13:18
  Daniel Moore: They don't really matter a whole lot.
• 13:20
  Daniel Moore: You know they're just little things that you can probably tolerate and move past and just have a good marriage and not have to worry about those things.
• 13:27
  Daniel Moore: But there are some things in marriage that if you don't take care of those before you walk down that aisle.
• 13:32
  Daniel Moore: They could eventually explode in your face and you can end up in a divorce over that difference, because Michelle and I both sit right here and tell you you can't change people.
• 13:42
  Michelle Moore: Nope, you can't.
• 13:43
  Daniel Moore: You know, whenever I got married to my first wife, we had different religions, different denominations I guess I should say it's not different religions.
• 13:51
  Daniel Moore: We both believed in God and all that kind of thing, but our denominations were completely different.
• 13:56
  Daniel Moore: She was Church of Christ and I was Assembly of God.
• 13:58
  Daniel Moore: And I overlooked all of that because I was in such a hurry to get out of my dad's house and you know some of the testimony that I've given I thought, well, surely I can eventually get her to come to church with me.
• 14:11
  Daniel Moore: And after us both going to each other's churches, it didn't happen.
• 14:15
  Daniel Moore: And actually what happened?
• 14:17
  Daniel Moore: I ended up out of church.
• 14:19
  Daniel Moore: I completely quit going because that fight just got to where I just didn't want to deal with it anymore.
• 14:24
  Daniel Moore: Completely quit going because that fight just got to where I just didn't want to deal with it anymore.
• 14:27
  Daniel Moore: And rather than stay on the side of, you know, keeping my faith where it should be and keeping that relationship with God, because again, my priorities were getting out of whack there and I allowed Satan to come in and totally bust up my relationship with God first of all, and then that started the trickle-down effect into causing the division in my actual marriage and for you, do you have something that you can share on that, about those priorities?
• 14:56
  Michelle Moore: I mean when my first marriage, I mean honestly, he didn't even go to church, and so it was kind of my mom and my dad both told me you know, hey, it's not going to work because obviously his priorities were different than mine.
• 15:10
  Michelle Moore: And again, you think you can change that person and for them to go to church with you.
• 15:15
  Michelle Moore: And they went to church with me a little bit and then stopped and then eventually I stopped going all the.
• 15:24
  Michelle Moore: I mean it wasn't like I went off and on.
• 15:27
  Michelle Moore: But then when I had my first son, I started taking the kids because I knew how important it was for them to grow up in church.
• 15:36
  Michelle Moore: But in all reality he never went to church with me and I think it was right.
• 15:40
  Michelle Moore: Before we divorced he started going because he wanted to save the marriage and his priorities were not right.
• 15:49
  Michelle Moore: He only did it to say that he went to stay married and there was no relationship with Christ on that.
• 15:56
  Michelle Moore: And it's funny how your parents can see stuff that you don't see at that time.
• 16:00
  Michelle Moore: And they knew like he would either pull me out of church or he would get in church, but they knew the latter.
• 16:09
  Michelle Moore: We wouldn't be in church.
• 16:12
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, for some reason, the physical relationship that we have with our spouse, you know, if we have kids involved, whatever it may be, that's always right there in front of our face, and so a lot of times we don't want that issue taking place at our home.
• 16:28
  Daniel Moore: We don't want to have the fighting going on or the complaining between each other, all that kind of thing.
• 16:33
  Daniel Moore: So in order to fix that, sometimes we just put a Band-Aid on it and one of the two spouses will give in, yeah, and they'll just go ahead and go with the flow.
• 16:45
  Daniel Moore: I guess is the best way to put that.
• 16:47
  Daniel Moore: However, what happens with that is if we go with the flow and put God on the back burner and we allow that to come in between our relationship with Him and our church life and our spiritual walk.
• 16:58
  Daniel Moore: That's much more dangerous than even having the issue in the marriage.
• 17:04
  Daniel Moore: So that's something that really needs to be thought about before, not after, you get married.
• 17:08
  Daniel Moore: Right, it needs to be thought out before you get married because I can guarantee you 99.9% of the time, once you get into that marriage and this isn't just an issue with just religion and spirituality and your relationship with God this can be anything you might be with a girlfriend or a boyfriend that every once in a while likes to go out and get sloppy drunk on a weekend Not all the time, but maybe just every once in a while they like to do that.
• 17:33
  Daniel Moore: You might have a partner that you know maybe likes to smoke a doobie every once in a while, or you know just, there's anything that could fall into that category.
• 17:43
  Daniel Moore: Those things you need to be careful of, because if you don't like that and that's something that really means a lot to you inside that that gets stopped, you're really taking a gamble and doing a flip of the coin.
• 17:54
  Daniel Moore: If later on, if that's that partner after you get married, if they're really going to completely stop doing that for you, if you ask them to, or what happens whenever you do maybe have some issues come up in your relationship after you're married and it starts causing a little bit of a division.
• 18:11
  Daniel Moore: Sometimes those other partners, those spouses, can go do some of that stuff, even just to retaliate.
• 18:17
  Michelle Moore: Right.
• 18:18
  Daniel Moore: You know, if they get mad at you for something and they're sitting there thinking, well, that ticks me off, how can I get him back?
• 18:23
  Daniel Moore: Or how can I get her back, well, their mind can.
• 18:27
  Daniel Moore: Satan, he'll make sure that this happens.
• 18:29
  Daniel Moore: Satan will always put it into their mind.
• 18:31
  Daniel Moore: Well, they hate this one thing and you gave that up for them.
• 18:35
  Daniel Moore: So why don't you just do that real, you know, for once here, and that'll get them back you know, and just that thought process can start, and then that just starts creating huge issues.
• 18:46
  Michelle Moore: Yeah, I think that's the reason why you really think about it.
• 18:49
  Michelle Moore: If you're putting God first, you're taking that time to let God bring you the perfect one, and because you know his timing is perfect.
• 19:00
  Michelle Moore: And you know, a lot of times we're selfish and we want to do what we want to do, and that's the reason why we end up in those situations and for our points of getting married to people.
• 19:13
  Michelle Moore: That's not what God intended in the first place.
• 19:16
  Michelle Moore: No, and you have to walk through this.
• 19:19
  Michelle Moore: I think that's the reason why it's so so important that you keep God first.
• 19:25
  Michelle Moore: I mean, I've known people that have been single for a very long time but their focus is on God and know that at some point in time that God's going to bring that perfect person.
• 19:34
  Michelle Moore: And if you wait for that perfect person that God's going to send to you, yeah, you may have your disagreements but you're going to work through this because you know that's the perfect man, perfect wife that God intended for you to have.
• 19:48
  Daniel Moore: Right and being equally yoked.
• 19:51
  Daniel Moore: That means what it means.
• 19:53
  Daniel Moore: There really should be no room for swaying one way or another on that.
• 20:00
  Daniel Moore: It's very important whenever you are searching for your spouse.
• 20:04
  Daniel Moore: That's why it's so important to search out that person that God has for you, right?
• 20:09
  Daniel Moore: God has a person that he has created to be your spouse, your soulmate, and it's up to us to follow God and listen to Him, talk to us and lead and guide us to that person.
• 20:22
  Daniel Moore: That's very difficult.
• 20:24
  Daniel Moore: A lot of times we see the person and we think, oh, that's got to be who God has picked for me, because we might see something in that person that is the cliche or whatever it may be.
• 20:34
  Daniel Moore: But just because we look at that person and we think they're beautiful, or we think that they're handsome or you know, whatever the scenario may be, we still need to pray about that and make sure that that's the person God has for us.
• 20:48
  Daniel Moore: And so that comes into play there.
• 20:50
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 20:50
  Daniel Moore: When, if you follow God, you can't go wrong.
• 20:52
  Michelle Moore: Your priority has to be that from the very beginning.
• 20:55
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 20:57
  Daniel Moore: Now we do know that sometimes people do change.
• 20:59
  Daniel Moore: We know that if you get with somebody and they have some hangups or whatever it might be, and if you get married to that person, the possibility that that person will change is there.
• 21:10
  Daniel Moore: We're not saying that that's not ever going to be the case, because that does happen and there are times that people are unequally yoked as far as Christians and non-Christians being married, and those marriages actually do work.
• 21:24
  Daniel Moore: You know, the Bible says in 2 Corinthians 6, 14, it says Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers, for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness?
• 21:33
  Daniel Moore: This is the scripture that we're talking about when we're talking about being unequally yoked in Christ.
• 21:39
  Daniel Moore: But we do know people that are married and they actually go to different churches, they believe different things and they are actually able to make that marriage work.
• 21:47
  Daniel Moore: So we're not saying that it's impossible for this to happen and we're not saying that it's.
• 21:53
  Daniel Moore: You know something that if you're in that situation right now, that you just need to get away from that and take care of it, because once you're married, obviously it's always married.
• 22:02
  Daniel Moore: Once married, always married.
• 22:03
  Daniel Moore: Divorce should never come up, regardless of what the situation may be biblically, and so we're not saying that at all.
• 22:15
  Daniel Moore: But what we're saying is, when you're in the marriage process, when you're trying to win each other's affections and you're trying to create that relationship that's going to last for the rest of your life, it's always best to do it biblically, and God has reasons for that and why he would rather us be with somebody who believes in God the same way that you do, because things will go much, much smoother.
• 22:35
  Daniel Moore: And so we just wanted to give that little disclaimer there, that little caveat, because we have been talking about how we shouldn't do this and be unequally yoked.
• 22:45
  Daniel Moore: But we are saying too that there are people out there that we know that are doing that and they're actually having a successful marriage, and we just pray that God would continue to bless that marriage as you continue along.
• 22:58
  Daniel Moore: The arrival of children can often lead to a shift in priorities within a marriage.
• 23:02
  Daniel Moore: You know, as the excitement of the new marriage begins to wear off because it will you're not going to be in honeymoon stage forever, and we'll talk about that a little bit later the focus may shift to the children and careers, and that can cause the couple to drift apart and not prioritize each other in their marriage.
• 23:19
  Daniel Moore: Mothers, you know they can often become absorbed in caring for the children because obviously the mother gets stuck with the children a lot more and more often than the guys do, putting their needs and their well-being above all else, and this can lead to the mother neglecting her relationship with her husband and placing less importance on spending quality time together.
• 23:37
  Daniel Moore: Now, on the other hand, fathers also.
• 23:40
  Daniel Moore: They can start to focus more on their careers.
• 23:43
  Daniel Moore: They can invest time and energy into work because the guy feels like it's the provider for the family, and this can lead to the dad spending less time at home with his wife, potentially causing feelings of neglect and distance in the marriage.
• 23:55
  Daniel Moore: This shift in focus towards children and careers can start a cycle of neglecting the marital relationship, as the couple may begin to take each other for granted and not prioritize nurturing their bond.
• 24:07
  Daniel Moore: To avoid problems, one must not allow anyone or anything to replace the priority of his or her spouse.
• 24:17
  Daniel Moore: You know one of the most common statements that you hear a lot of times he works all the time and when he gets home he is tired and just wants to rest.
• 24:26
  Daniel Moore: When he gets time off, he is doing something with his buddies or, from the other side.
• 24:32
  Daniel Moore: She doesn't even know when I'm home.
• 24:34
  Daniel Moore: She is so busy with the house and kids that anytime I want to get romantic or have her do something with me, she tells me she's worn out.
• 24:43
  Daniel Moore: Or have her do something with me, she tells me she's worn out.
• 24:47
  Daniel Moore: Surely nobody listening out there has heard any of that to this day.
• 24:52
  Daniel Moore: As you've been married In all reality, what it comes down to is one thing Busyness is one of the easiest and most subtle ways that a marriage can fall apart and I have seen this happen even within our relationship and my parents' relationship.
• 25:04
  Daniel Moore: You know I've talked a little bit about it already.
• 25:05
  Daniel Moore: I think my dad had, you know, three to four jobs at a time.
• 25:07
  Daniel Moore: Most generally the whole time I grew up.
• 25:09
  Daniel Moore: My mom was a stay-at-home mom for a while until she started working outside the home, but that really caused my dad to hardly ever be there very often and that definitely put a kink in their relationship because he was never there.
• 25:25
  Daniel Moore: And I love my, you know I love my dad.
• 25:31
  Daniel Moore: I know my dad loved us, but I can look back and see there's a lot of time, even as a child, that I missed time with my dad.
• 25:37
  Daniel Moore: He did.
• 25:38
  Daniel Moore: We did go on camping trips and stuff like that occasionally and we cherished all of those.
• 25:42
  Daniel Moore: We did go on camping trips and stuff like that occasionally and we cherished all of those.
• 25:45
  Daniel Moore: But just the everyday day in, day out conversation and the relationship was strained because of that.
• 25:52
  Daniel Moore: There was a point in our marriage where I took on a pretty heavy job.
• 25:57
  Daniel Moore: Well, even prior to that I was on the fire department.
• 26:00
  Daniel Moore: In the fire department you work 24 hours, you're off 48.
• 26:03
  Daniel Moore: Firefighters can't survive on firefighter pay.
• 26:06
  Daniel Moore: It's just impossible.
• 26:08
  Daniel Moore: So every firefighter that you ever meet you can almost guarantee they're going to have a second job because they just can't afford it on what that pays.
• 26:16
  Daniel Moore: And that was me.
• 26:17
  Daniel Moore: I had a second job plus the firefighter job.
• 26:20
  Daniel Moore: I had a second job plus the firefighter job and then once I ended up quitting the fire department, I did that for 14 years.
• 26:27
  Daniel Moore: Once I quit that job and moved to the part-time job and made it a full-time job, with that one came a lot of responsibility just in the office.
• 26:33
  Daniel Moore: But then I also took on doing IT stuff which I brought that home at night.
• 26:39
  Daniel Moore: And he worked a lot.
• 26:42
  Daniel Moore: I did, I worked all the time, especially as I got deeper into it, the more we had computer issues and stuff like that.
• 26:48
  Daniel Moore: I ended up doing a lot of work at home, and this was kind of in the point there where our marriage was already starting to break down, and so that was not a good thing, because we were already trying to search where both of us belonged in our relationship.
• 27:03
  Daniel Moore: At that point we were already having these issues pop up, and then this gets thrown right in the middle of it, and to an extent that was kind of an escape for me to not have to deal with the problems we were having.
• 27:14
  Daniel Moore: I would just stay super busy and I've got stuff to do tonight and I'm going to be doing that.
• 27:18
  Daniel Moore: We wouldn't talk because of that, and so it's very important to make sure that those kids and those careers don't get in front of all of that.
• 27:30
  Michelle Moore: Well, and you know, when you have kids as moms, you get wrapped up in your children and that is one of the things that you know.
• 27:39
  Michelle Moore: We were super busy, whether it was going to soccer practice, whether it was going to dance or you know, as I got older, you know show, choir, just there's so many things that you can get wrapped up into and you live your life through your children sometimes and you want to be there for them and you know you want to be there.
• 28:01
  Michelle Moore: When I say you want to be there for them, you want to go to everything and be there to support them.
• 28:03
  Michelle Moore: And you know you want to be there.
• 28:03
  Michelle Moore: When I say you want to be there for them, you want to go to everything and be there to support them.
• 28:07
  Michelle Moore: So you do neglect that spouse.
• 28:10
  Michelle Moore: If that spouse isn't able to go, you just take off and go.
• 28:13
  Michelle Moore: And you know, because they work and you know that's one of the things and, I think, one of the not only that, but my career.
• 28:21
  Michelle Moore: You know, I think one of the not only that, but my career.
• 28:23
  Michelle Moore: You know I put that a lot before, you know you and sometimes the kids.
• 28:36
  Michelle Moore: I mean, I can remember there's been times the kids were sick and I'd take them to work and just put them upstairs, you know, and be like, okay, you know, I did what I had to do and because I wanted to move up, and sometimes that sacrifice, not only did you sacrifice your marriage, you sacrificed your children.
• 28:44
  Michelle Moore: You know, you don't see that until later down the road.
• 28:47
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, and kind of going back to a little bit about what we talked about last week, there's a jealousy that can come in when these priorities start getting out of whack and the classic cycle of jealousy begins when both spouses are saying to each other I'm jealous of what has taken my place in your life and I feel violated.
• 29:09
  Daniel Moore: And I think that anybody that's been through that situation where you've been replaced in your marriage by a career, or you've been replaced by a hobby, or you've been replaced by your kids.
• 29:24
  Daniel Moore: There's multiple things there that you can replace in your relationship If you really care about it.
• 29:30
  Daniel Moore: It is going to start creating a little bit of a jealous feeling.
• 29:34
  Michelle Moore: And I think sometimes you don't see that.
• 29:36
  Michelle Moore: I think Satan just barely, you know, he just kind of puts that in, you know and just kind of slowly opens that divide of you know, the bitterness and of the bitterness and the jealousy and stuff like that, because I'm not sure that I ever seen that in our marriage until later on down the road of how much it affected me, so at that moment I guess I didn't really see that until a year or two later when it started really going into the things that we had.
• 30:04
  Daniel Moore: It sneaks up on you.
• 30:05
  Michelle Moore: Yes, absolutely.
• 30:06
  Michelle Moore: He knows, Satan knows.
• 30:08
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, and if you allow anything or anyone, no matter how good or important, to take the time and energy that rightfully belongs to your spouse, then in essence we're violating God's design for marriage and His law of priority.
• 30:20
  Daniel Moore: Your partner is going to experience that legitimate jealousy that we talked about last week if you don't correct the problem, and it can seriously damage or even destroy your relationship.
• 30:31
  Daniel Moore: Now studies they've shown that as the average couple gets older and their children grow older, the satisfaction level in their marriage tends to decrease.
• 30:41
  Daniel Moore: This decline in satisfaction often continues until the children leave home, and during those child-rearing years, when those kids are still at home, many couples tend to focus more on their children and their needs rather than on nurturing their relationship with each other.
• 30:56
  Daniel Moore: This shift in focus can lead to a decline in communication, intimacy and overall satisfaction within the marriage.
• 31:05
  Daniel Moore: Once the children leave the home, some couples may experience a temporary increase in satisfaction, as they may have more time and freedom to focus on each other.
• 31:13
  Daniel Moore: However, it's been noted that even after the children leave, that satisfaction level in the marriage typically remains lower than when the marriage began.
• 31:23
  Daniel Moore: That's why phrases like the honeymoon is over becomes part of our language, and I think that we have to be super careful with, and one thing that this reminds me of as I read through this that's probably a big one is intimacy.
• 31:40
  Daniel Moore: I know there's a lot of parents that like to let their kids sleep with them until they get older, rather than and that's their thing.
• 31:50
  Daniel Moore: And that's their thing, you know, if that's what they want to do.
• 31:52
  Daniel Moore: But in all reality what happens when that takes place even is, if you're not careful, that can actually get into where you and your husband never have any intimate times, and that's dangerous because guys and women, men and women, they have different needs.
• 32:12
  Daniel Moore: We'll get into this eventually as well, and what women want and what guys want in a relationship, and that can really cause a division if you're not careful.
• 32:22
  Daniel Moore: And that can really cause a division if you're not careful.
• 32:25
  Daniel Moore: So that's another area where sometimes those kids can in some ways take a priority over your relationship with your spouses.
• 32:34
  Daniel Moore: There's just so many different ways that this can happen.
• 32:36
  Daniel Moore: Of course, communication is the big one, but one thing that we need to think about here is this phrase you know the honeymoon is over.
• 32:45
  Daniel Moore: You know what will your marriage look like when that honeymoon phase wears off and it's gone?
• 32:51
  Daniel Moore: Or should we be letting it wear off Maybe?
• 32:56
  Daniel Moore: I think that when we said we like to use that phrase a lot and sometimes we probably are joking when we say it, but there is a lot of reality to that, because sometimes people's relationships and their marriages they do crash pretty quickly sometimes.
• 33:12
  Daniel Moore: Sometimes it takes time for it to happen, but there is a time, I think, in everyone's marriage, when you can look back and think well, that's probably about when the honeymoon stopped.
• 33:20
  Daniel Moore: You've got to look back and see that.
• 33:22
  Daniel Moore: But in all reality, it doesn't have to be the honeymoon 24-7.
• 33:27
  Daniel Moore: But you still need to keep those feelings in your relationship and always go back to where it began, always remember how it started.
• 33:35
  Daniel Moore: And so you know, in essence, you know the honeymoon shouldn't wear off, it shouldn't have to go away, and you know there are days and there's sometimes whole seasons, when it's going to look and feel different, but we don't have to accept that.
• 33:50
  Daniel Moore: It's something that just dies off.
• 33:52
  Daniel Moore: That's right.
• 33:52
  Daniel Moore: We don't have to accept that.
• 33:55
  Daniel Moore: And you know, maybe it could be oversimplifying it a little bit, but it's not hard to look at stats, though, and think how do we forget about the way we felt at first?
• 34:04
  Daniel Moore: You know what makes us forget about that, what makes us forget what it was like when we were dating and then we got married that first time and took off on that honeymoon trip.
• 34:12
  Daniel Moore: How and why would we ever let that be okay?
• 34:15
  Daniel Moore: You know, why are we okay with just letting that feeling go away.
• 34:19
  Daniel Moore: Maybe it's too easy to just let the promise slip away instead of fighting to keep it, and I think that's what happens a lot of times in people's relationship.
• 34:27
  Daniel Moore: It's just too much work to try to fight for it and it's easier just to let it go, thinking well, we're already married, so what's the big deal now?
• 34:34
  Daniel Moore: I mean, we're not going anywhere.
• 34:35
  Daniel Moore: You know, we kind of slide into that rut and that monotonous relationship of a marriage that we can have if we're not careful.
• 34:41
  Daniel Moore: So we just have to remember that the honeymoon isn't over until we say it's over.
• 34:47
  Michelle Moore: That's right.
• 34:48
  Daniel Moore: Once we say it's over, we're in dangerous territory.
• 34:51
  Daniel Moore: We've got to be really careful with that.
• 34:52
  Daniel Moore: Marriage isn't an annual fight, it's a daily fight, yep, and it's a responsibility to keep vibrantly alive yeah.
• 35:01
  Michelle Moore: I think that's the reason why it's so important just to.
• 35:03
  Michelle Moore: I mean, like we'll be sitting on the couch and I'll look at Daniel and he I know he probably rolls his eyes at me or laughs about it but I will make a comment and like why'd you fall in love with me?
• 35:14
  Michelle Moore: Or like what's my favorite candy bar?
• 35:17
  Michelle Moore: You know, I try to keep him on his toes.
• 35:19
  Daniel Moore: Or I'm like I always get it wrong, but I think she changes her candy bars on purpose just so that I can't get that question right.
• 35:28
  Daniel Moore: But, like I know, it was Reese's Cups last week and now it's a Kit Kat bar, like, come on, it's so important to.
• 35:34
  Michelle Moore: You know, just I love doing things for him, just as surprising, whether it may be conversations or, you know, I do stupid stuff.
• 35:42
  Michelle Moore: I'm, you know, I'm just one of those that will bounce off and just do something dumb just in front of him, just because his laugh is what drew me to him and we were like best of friends.
• 35:53
  Michelle Moore: So I remember how much he loves.
• 35:57
  Michelle Moore: I mean, he loved to laugh and then when we got married it just changed dramatically.
• 36:02
  Michelle Moore: And so now, after we renewed our vows several years ago, we make sure that we communicate and we laugh.
• 36:10
  Michelle Moore: But every time I hear him laugh, whether it may be with a friend or someone at church or just life in general, it brings me pure joy inside, because I look at him and I'm like, wow, that's the man I fell in love with and that's the man who I love today.
• 36:27
  Michelle Moore: So it's so important, some of those things that, ladies, if you remember those things, incorporate it in your daily things or weekly things Go back to what brought you to love him.
• 36:38
  Michelle Moore: He still doesn't write me love letters like he used to.
• 36:41
  Michelle Moore: He still doesn't write me poems that he used used to.
• 36:43
  Michelle Moore: He still doesn't write me poems that he used to.
• 36:44
  Michelle Moore: You know, those things change, but seasons change, people change.
• 36:48
  Michelle Moore: But as long as you're changing daily with that person, that spouse, it will work out.
• 36:54
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, and it's so important to make sure you do keep the happiness and the laughter, because I know what you're talking about.
• 37:01
  Daniel Moore: There was a point in time there after we got married, when some of the issues you know with the kids started happening and then the in-laws and some of that kind of thing that it did kind of zap my joy a little bit and I remember that I think a lot of times in frustration I didn't allow myself to see the lighter side of things.
• 37:23
  Daniel Moore: To me, everything was a constant battle and that's how I looked at all of it was.
• 37:28
  Daniel Moore: I'm constantly fighting this battle between everybody and when I had that mind frame and I was looking at it that way, I had a very hard tendency, or I had a very huge tendency to not really be very happy.
• 37:44
  Daniel Moore: It did it just took my happiness away and to an extent I was still happy being married and all that kind of thing, but there was just a bunch of mixed emotions.
• 37:53
  Daniel Moore: I guess is the best way to describe that.
• 37:55
  Daniel Moore: There were certain things about our marriage that was not making me happy.
• 37:58
  Daniel Moore: There were some things that I was still okay with, but then that put me in a spot where I'm sitting there having to decipher between the two and juggle that stuff back and forth and decide well, where do I stand in all of this?
• 38:08
  Daniel Moore: Because I remember, ever since we've been married, one of the biggest comments you've always made to me is how you've always liked my smile when I smile, and you've even made comments to me before where we'll go out with couples or whatever, and then we'll get back home that evening and you'll be like man you laughed more with them here tonight than I've heard you laugh in the last six months or the last year.
• 38:30
  Daniel Moore: And, of course, our tendency when we know there's problems, we'll just like, well, you know we'll make an excuse and just push it off to the side and change the subject.
• 38:39
  Daniel Moore: But in all reality, that was something that you were noticing was wrong in our marriage.
• 38:44
  Michelle Moore: Yeah, because it was with other people and it wasn't with me, and that was one of my favorite things, yeah.
• 38:51
  Daniel Moore: And so all of you listening spouses notice that stuff.
• 38:55
  Daniel Moore: So maybe that's something you need to evaluate in your marriage.
• 38:58
  Daniel Moore: You know, make sure you know.
• 39:00
  Daniel Moore: Look where you're at today.
• 39:01
  Daniel Moore: Do you still seem to have the joy and the happiness and the excitement that you had at the beginning?
• 39:08
  Daniel Moore: And probably not.
• 39:10
  Daniel Moore: It's probably not going to be elevated to that high, because obviously when we first date and first get married there's a whole different level there that it's really hard to sustain that through 50 years of marriage because it's just the newness of it and the giddiness and you know you get older and you mature and that kind of thing, changes, but it doesn't need to change the fact that you lose your happiness and the joy that you have because you picked the right person that God's picked for you to marry, that's right.
• 39:37
  Daniel Moore: And that now you're creating this life together.
• 39:40
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 39:40
  Daniel Moore: And so you know, although most people become less and less happy in their marriages year after year, always remember it's not because God made a mistake.
• 39:50
  Daniel Moore: We can blame God all we want to for where our marriage is at and use him as an excuse, but it's not God's fault that we end up like that in our marriage.
• 40:00
  Daniel Moore: It's because we make a mistake by failing to follow his plan.
• 40:03
  Daniel Moore: That law of priority is universal and it's inviolable.
• 40:08
  Daniel Moore: It's unchangeable.
• 40:09
  Daniel Moore: He has a certain plan for us and if we follow that and we keep the joy of Christ in us, that reflects onto our marriage with a joy in our marriage.
• 40:18
  Daniel Moore: Yes, because again that comes back to mirror itself.
• 40:22
  Daniel Moore: That joy that we have in the Lord should be the joy that we have in this earthly relationship that we have as well.
• 40:28
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, so we have to be really careful with all of that.
• 40:31
  Daniel Moore: So pretty much what it came down to.
• 40:35
  Daniel Moore: We're about to a point here to wrap this up for this week.
• 40:38
  Daniel Moore: Only when a second divorce loomed in mine and Michelle's future and by the grace of God did we finally come together and turn it around from that day forward.
• 40:49
  Daniel Moore: I regret that it went that far.
• 40:52
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 40:52
  Daniel Moore: But it did.
• 40:53
  Michelle Moore: It did.
• 40:54
  Daniel Moore: Unfortunately, we let it go a little bit further than we ever should have.
• 40:58
  Daniel Moore: Should have never started going that direction, but then we let it go too far.
• 41:02
  Daniel Moore: But today I can say for myself and I know she probably would say the same thing we are much more in love with each other today than we've ever been and we know how to love each other better now than we did at the beginning.
• 41:14
  Aria: Yeah.
• 41:15
  Daniel Moore: And that is how God intended marriage to be.
• 41:18
  Daniel Moore: Now, marriage isn't about what the other person can do for you.
• 41:22
  Daniel Moore: It's about what you can do for the other person A continual practice of consideration and effort focused on your spouse.
• 41:31
  Daniel Moore: You give to them and in return, they'll naturally give back to you.
• 41:35
  Daniel Moore: That's the way that this formula works.
• 41:37
  Daniel Moore: So, unless you're really truly newly married and you skipped premarital counseling, I doubt this statement is going to burst your bubbles.
• 41:46
  Daniel Moore: But marriage is not always hot and heavy.
• 41:49
  Michelle Moore: Nope.
• 41:49
  Michelle Moore: What you have at the very beginning, and you know all that and I do think that you can carry what you have at the beginning, but it's going to come across as a different I already know the word that I want to say.
• 42:02
  Michelle Moore: It's going to come across differently in seasons of life, because I know some couples that have been married for a long time that have carried that and it's just amazing, because you just don't see that very often anymore, right, but they've kept the center of God in it.
• 42:19
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, and so basically you'll have moments that it probably does.
• 42:23
  Daniel Moore: You know it is hot and heavy, like it was the beginning, but then you might have a season there where you do kind of get some irritation with each other.
• 42:31
  Daniel Moore: It's just going to be a roller coaster, but you've always got to remember, even in those seasons of irritation and those seasons of being disappointed, you have to talk through those seasons and get it back to the hot and heavy.
• 42:42
  Michelle Moore: That's right, you can't just let it.
• 42:44
  Michelle Moore: Your hot and heavy may be different later on, 20 years down the road, but you're still there.
• 42:49
  Daniel Moore: But you still need to keep that in your relationship in your marriage in some form or fashion.
• 42:54
  Daniel Moore: It's going to be a mixture of everything, but through all of it you just have to make sure it stays healthy.
• 43:01
  Michelle Moore: Yes.
• 43:01
  Daniel Moore: And you have to make sure that you keep each other prioritized in those relationships.
• 43:06
  Michelle Moore: Can I add something real quick?
• 43:08
  Michelle Moore: One of the things that I meant to say at the very beginning too, in every episode, is very, very important that daily you pray for your spouse.
• 43:21
  Daniel Moore: That's good.
• 43:23
  Michelle Moore: Every morning when I wake up and I know Dan prays for me.
• 43:26
  Michelle Moore: But I pray for him, for God to bless him, to be with him, to give him the strength to be the head of our household, to fight off any battles you know, to put the armor of God on.
• 43:37
  Michelle Moore: But I think it's very, very important that daily you pray for your spouse.
• 43:43
  Daniel Moore: Yeah Well, prayer is important even to keeping your family period, and I think one of the things that we neglect a lot is prayer.
• 43:52
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 43:53
  Daniel Moore: And I would hope that everybody listening does a good prayer life and keeps that covering there constantly.
• 44:01
  Daniel Moore: But if you don't, that's very good words of wisdom there for Michelle.
• 44:05
  Daniel Moore: It's very important to make sure that you do, because we obviously we can't do none of this on our own.
• 44:12
  Daniel Moore: We've got to keep God in the middle of it, right, and that goes along with starting it off correctly by introducing God as soon as we're awake that morning.
• 44:22
  Daniel Moore: We introduce God into our relationship right off the bat.
• 44:25
  Michelle Moore: Well and I'm right off because Dan will tell you I'm not much of a morning person.
• 44:31
  Michelle Moore: He gets me out of bed, I get myself around.
• 44:35
  Michelle Moore: He is amazing.
• 44:36
  Michelle Moore: He takes care of me in the morning.
• 44:38
  Michelle Moore: He makes me breakfast every single morning and I cannot say how thankful I am.
• 44:43
  Michelle Moore: Where I lack, he steps in and he makes my day go better, and so I'm so thankful for that.
• 44:49
  Michelle Moore: But I just I mean literally, if it's God-ordained, where you lack, that spouse is going to pick up and he does not complain about it, he does not say one word about it, but he takes care of me and I take care of him.
• 45:06
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, it's a two-way street, that's right.
• 45:08
  Daniel Moore: That's just something to keep in mind.
• 45:10
  Daniel Moore: So we just have to remember and just be real.
• 45:14
  Daniel Moore: Life is exhausting.
• 45:15
  Daniel Moore: Yes, it is there's just a lot of things that comes our way that just can wear us out faster than anything.
• 45:21
  Daniel Moore: And unfortunately, when we get exhausted like that, even if our spouses aren't the reason for it, they usually will take the brunt of it.
• 45:27
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, and it seems to never fail.
• 45:30
  Daniel Moore: When we have issues and are in a bad mood, or whatever it may be, our tendency is just to go directly at the person that's closest to us.
• 45:37
  Daniel Moore: That's just the way nature works.
• 45:41
  Daniel Moore: And we have to be careful with that and not let that happen.
• 45:43
  Daniel Moore: You know there's children to take care of, there are illnesses to get over, because your kids seem like they're constantly sick.
• 45:48
  Daniel Moore: There's sleep to catch up on, you know, because, especially if you've got young ones, you may have times at night where you get woke up all the time and then let you sleep force to be done.
• 45:59
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, and you know, choosing into intimacy or sleep is, you know, one of life's hardest late night dilemmas.
• 46:06
  Daniel Moore: So it's just some things that you have to keep in mind, that there is a balance there yeah, and we need to make sure that we try to keep that balance where it needs to be.
• 46:14
  Daniel Moore: Well, you have anything left to add to this episode before we leave today?
• 46:18
  Daniel Moore: Okay, we're going to go ahead and cut it off for this week, and next week we will continue with our priorities.
• 46:25
  Daniel Moore: I thought we'd get a little bit further here this week, but my wife was right.
• 46:28
  Daniel Moore: She said this was going to be more than one episode and I told her it wouldn't be.
• 46:32
  Michelle Moore: But did you guys hear that?
• 46:32
  Michelle Moore: Hear that I admitted it, did you guys?
• 46:33
  Daniel Moore: hear that I admitted it.
• 46:34
  Daniel Moore: My wife is right.
• 46:36
  Daniel Moore: So we're going to go ahead and we'll pick this back up next week's episode and we will line up our priorities the way that God wants us to as we finish up this first segment here on priority in our marriage.
• 46:50
  Daniel Moore: Well, that's going to end this week's episode, and again I'm Daniel Moore.
• 46:54
  Daniel Moore: I've been sitting here with my wife, michelle, this week helping me co-host this episode.
• 46:57
  Daniel Moore: Thank you, guys, for listening.
• 46:59
  Daniel Moore: This show really wouldn't be possible without you.
• 47:01
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• 47:07
  Daniel Moore: The links for all of those are below in the show notes.
• 47:09
  Daniel Moore: That's all for this week, and we believe that God's Word never fails us.
• 47:13
  Daniel Moore: God's Word has stood the test of time and through Jesus' death on the cross, he has connected the gap.
• 47:20
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• 47:22
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• 47:26
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• 47:33
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• 47:41
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• 47:46
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• 47:48
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• 48:01
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• 48:07
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• 48:09
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• 48:11
  Aria: Thank you.