Latest / RiseUp - Live Joy Your Way / How to Refine Your Listening Skills

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How to Refine Your Listening Skills · RiseUp - Live Joy Your Way

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Today's episode is produced by my friends at Walk West.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_01: If you're looking to grow your brand and generate leads through podcast or video production, head over to walkwest.com.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, let's start the show.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: From emotional intelligence through cognitive distortions, certified life and wellness coach Comedy Wood is on a mission to help people see the magnificence of their own unique human spirit.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Through these small bites of self-visualization and self-confidence, you can have healthy relationships, success in business and career, and live the life you want to live.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_01: Hi there, and welcome to another episode of Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_01: Whether it's morning, afternoon, or evening, I want to say thank you.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for taking a few moments out of your day to spend with me.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_01: As we talked about last time, I am focusing on communication.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_01: How do we build our ability to have healthier, effective communication with others?
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_01: And so last episode I talked about four different ways, and so I wanted to break it down into specifics over the next couple episodes.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_01: And so today we're going to be really talking about effective communication through listening.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_01: Listening well.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_01: So listening is an art that requires attention over talent, spirit over ego, others over self.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_01: That was said by Dean Jackson.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_01: So becoming a great listener is far and away one of the most important and vital communication skills.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_01: Oftentimes we think of communication with our speaking ability, but being able to convey a message or information in a concise way sometimes actually starts with listening.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_01: Speaking is one of the most intimidating things that people can sometimes be asked to do.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, let me, I can't even tell you how many clients I've worked with who have talked about wanting to work through their fear of public speaking, because honestly, it can be one of the most terrifying things that people think of having to do is getting up and speaking publicly.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_01: And they really want to avoid it all at all costs.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_01: But truthfully, speaking is not the hardest part of communication.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_01: It's really listening that can be the hardest part of communication.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_01: While it may seem simple, uh truthfully, many of us are not actually listening.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_01: When people are talking, many times, if we're really being honest, we're thinking about what we're gonna say next.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_01: So most of the time when communication breaks down, it's really we can really trace it back to the lack of listening.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_01: Listening and hearing are not the same things.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_01: Hearing focuses on the words being said while listening includes how things are being said, the nonverbal aspects of what is being said and the implications of what isn't being said.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_01: So listening is much more than hearing what someone is saying.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_01: Great listeners have characteristics that make it easy for them to hold captivating conversations and to truly engage other people.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_01: When you know, really listening is less while listening is less about talking, it ranks as the top the top of the list when it comes to effective communication.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_01: So it's it's really um it's truthfully listening is is the most important part of communication.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_01: So let's let's sort of think of talk about that a little bit more.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_01: So great listeners share common characteristics that make it easy for them to communicate and engage other people.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_01: Um much of the battle in effective communication is that you have to help others feel heard.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_01: So uh, you know, many times, if you were to really break it down and think about when you've had communication with others, you may have experienced times when you felt understood by the other person that you were communicating with.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_01: You may have felt that they clearly knew what you were saying without much effort on your part, and you could sense that they were present and interested in what you were saying.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_01: They're present in the conversation.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_01: They didn't interrupt you, they didn't offer you unsolicited advice, and at the end of the conversation, you felt deeply connected and deeply safe with them.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_01: And that's because they probably were employing the characteristics of a great listener.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_01: So let's let's talk about what are those common characteristics of a great listener.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_01: One, they are present, two, they are not distracted.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_01: Three, they do not interrupt.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_01: Number four, they stay curious.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_01: And number five, they repeat what they've heard.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_01: So, uh oh, and number six, they know when they've had enough.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_01: So let's let's sort of dive into these a little bit more.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_01: When we talk about being present, it's about being in the here and now.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_01: When we are a good or a great listener and we're present with the people that we're engaging, we are ready, willing, and able to devote the time and energy necessary to pay attention to what's being said.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_01: Poor listeners are notorious for trying to figure out things as are being said, formulating their response, thinking about what it is that they're gonna say, assuming that they already know where things are headed.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_01: And what is actually happening in that moment is that they're no longer present in the conversation.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_01: They have stopped listening, they assume that they've heard everything that they need to hear, and they're they're already off into a different element of the conversation.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_01: And so, really, what happens is this can lead to misunderstanding, it can lead to judgment, it can lead to just that breakdown in communication.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_01: So great listeners don't summarize what's being said before the conversation is done, before the other person is starting to speak.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_01: It's important to give the time and attention needed for that person to convey what they need to say.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_01: And it's about resisting the urge to jump ahead and to sort of come up with an answer before that person has really finished what they're what they're what they're saying.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, great listeners really have the ability to listen and allow the person to completely share what it is that they're sharing and to just be in that here and now moment.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_01: Uh so going into the second one there where they're not distracted, you know, when we're when we're being a great listener and not being distracted, that's about not multitasking.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_01: You know, a lot of times we say, you know, I'm a great multitasker, that would, that's a super power of mine.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_01: But when we're trying to be a great listener and we are trying to multitask, we're really not, one, we're not being present, but two, we're being distracted.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_01: So being distracted during a conversation sends the message to the other person that this conversation is not the most important thing right now, it's actually secondary to something else.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_01: And that can turn off the other person.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_01: So when we're talking about the greater element here of trying to create healthy communication styles, if we are not being a good listener by being distracted during the conversation, we are letting the other person know that we're not actually engaged and wanting to communicate with them or be in dialogue with them.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_01: Not interrupting.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_01: If you're gonna be a great listener, it's about allowing the other person to speak and not interrupt them.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes it can be so hard, so hard just to not interrupt and to say what we're chomping at the bit to say.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_01: But if we're really wanting to strive and intending to be a great listener, it's about resisting the urge to speak too soon.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's you know, a lot of listeners will assess what's being said and they really want to condense a conversation to share their thoughts and they might be excited to share their thoughts.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_01: But if we're striving for effective communication, trying to be a great listener, it's about allowing the other person to finish what they're saying before interrupting them with our thoughts.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_01: And great listeners do not think that they know it all.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_01: So one of the pitfalls for poor communication is the failure to stay curious.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_01: Curious about what we might not know, what we might not understand.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_01: It's about having that detective mindset that allows us to stay engaged in the conversation.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_01: So it has this play on being present.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_01: But communication, healthy communication is the way, you know, communication is the way that we convey information.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_01: So if we're gonna be a great listener, it's about being curious.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_01: It's about, you know, recognizing that we may not know all the answers and to uh ask questions or to use your listening skills as a way to gather information and to read between the lines and to look for clues through what we're hearing the other person say.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_01: And then, of course, um being able to reflect back what we've heard.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_01: So great listeners are uh able to play.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_01: It's almost like playing um copycat or um uh telephone.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_01: If you, I mean, I'm dating myself now, but you know, playing that idea of telephone or echoes.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_01: Great listeners use that technique of mirroring or reflecting back.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's actually a form of active listening, which allows the person that we're communicating with to uh feel heard, feel safe, and they're able to trust us as the listener that we're that they're being heard.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_01: So mirroring is a way that we um it's a technique that includes paraphrasing, but it's to basically reflect back what we just heard the speaker say.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_01: And it's a great way to check in to make sure that we actually heard what they said, because what happens is sometimes we'll listen and we may hear something differently than what the speaker thought they were saying.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_01: And so when we don't spend the time to mirror it back or reflect it back, we now make our assumptions or we respond to the thing that we think that they said, and sometimes that can break down the communication then.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_01: So it's about really giving the ability to reflect back to check in.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_01: Is this really what you said?
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_01: And active listening is a technique that employs all of your senses while you're engaging in the listening.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_01: So it's verbal and non-verbal cues that are shared to encourage and support the listener while they speak, while while they're being they're in that speaking engagement with somebody.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_01: So looking the other person directly in the eye and you know, nodding as they're speaking or making verbal remarks, you know, letting them know that you're present with them and that you are um understanding what they're saying.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_01: Those are all really great ways to um to reflect back to the person what that what you've heard and that they know that you are actively engaged.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_01: And then, of course, that final one of when, you know, knowing when to tap out, being part of a great listener is knowing when it's time to quit.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_01: You know, each one of us has a certain capacity or a certain amount of energy that we can be effective, and it's being really true to ourselves and knowing when we might not be capable of showing up in that capacity to be a good listener and being able to let the other person know that right now might not be a great time.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_01: So communication truthfully is this cooperative agreement between two people, um, recognizing that they both have to be willing to engage in in a uh healthy and effective communication.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_01: But the very first one, being a good listener and and really cultivating that skill.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_01: We'll talk about more next time.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_01: If you need support, would like to talk to me about what might be coming up in your world, definitely feel free to book a time with me at chatwithcomedy.com.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_01: And until next time, I am Comedy Wood.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening to Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: For more information, book a chat with comedy at www.chhatwithcomedy.com or visit her website at www.comedywood.com.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: You can also find comedy on Facebook or Instagram.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: Username it's authentic me.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening.