Latest / MyMaine Birth / 162. MyMaine Birth: When home birth gets real, Emma's three birth stories

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162. MyMaine Birth: When home birth gets real, Emma's three birth stories · MyMaine Birth

0:00
Emma: A lot of the message that's pushed to pregnant moms is like, oh, just eat whatever you want, like follow your cravings.
0:06
Emma: And to an extent, you know, you can.
0:08
Emma: But at the same time, pregnancy is very nutritionally demanding on you.
0:13
Emma: And it's so important for you and for your baby to prioritize that.
0:17
Emma: It makes a huge difference.
0:19
Emma: So I've I've thought about things, you know, my mentality with it was a lot different going to the third pregnancy.
0:26
Angela: I'm Angela, and I'm a certified birth photographer, experienced dual la, childbirth educator, and your host here on the My Main Birth podcast.
0:35
Angela: This is a space where we share the real life stories of families and their unique birth experiences in the beautiful state of Maine.
0:43
Angela: From our state's biggest hospitals to birth center births and home births, every birth story deserves to be heard and celebrated.
0:52
Angela: Whether you're a soon-to-be mom, a seasoned mother, or simply interested in the world of birth, these episodes are for you.
1:00
Angela: Hey everyone! Welcome to episode 162 of My Main Birth.
1:07
Angela: Today's birth story guest is Emma, and she shares the uncomplicated stories of her first two hospital births over at Eastern Maine Medical Center in Bangor.
1:17
Angela: And then for her third birth, she decided to have a home birth.
1:21
Angela: And there were actually some complications with that birth.
1:24
Angela: And this story is really the best story to transition out of all of the episodes that I just released regarding free birth, and more importantly, the information that was and continues to be put out by the Free Birth Society.
1:38
Angela: Because fortunately, Emma had experienced trained midwives present at her home birth, and ultimately everything was fine and the situation was handled beautifully.
1:49
Angela: But if Emma had chosen a free birth and chosen to learn about birth through the Free Birth Society's complete guide to free birth, the message that the Free Birth Society puts out, especially around newborn first breaths, is not accurate.
2:04
Angela: And in my opinion, learning some neonatal resuscitation skills are good to know if you're maybe planning a free birth.
2:13
Angela: Because Emma had skilled midwives present at her birth, they were able to successfully resuscitate her baby when he was born after a shoulder dystocia and with the cord wrapped around his neck.
2:23
Angela: I feel like the whole idea of the cord being wrapped around the neck is often talked about in so many different ways in different circles, right?
2:31
Angela: And sure, it absolutely, in most cases even, can be something where you just unwrap the cord and there's no issue at all.
2:40
Angela: But also, as you'll hear Emma share about when she gets to her third birth story, sometimes the cord being wrapped around the neck can actually be a problem.
2:50
Angela: And also that start and stop labor patterns can sometimes be something to be cautious of.
2:58
Angela: And this is the nuance that the Freebirth Society does not allow space for.
3:03
Angela: You know, birth-like life can be unpredictable.
3:08
Angela: As that popular saying goes, birth is as safe as life gets.
3:13
Angela: So while birth does involve inherent risks, like life itself, it is generally a normal, healthy process for healthy women.
3:22
Angela: And at the same time, nothing in life is entirely risk-free.
3:27
Angela: So I'd really just like to emphasize doing your research, you know, for any type of birth choices that you're making.
3:35
Angela: Research it from so many different sources and make your own opinions from there.
3:41
Angela: If you'd like to connect with me, you can do so through my website, mymainbirth.com, or you can find me over on Instagram at my mainbirth.
3:50
Angela: Our closing song is by Kate Sutherland.
3:52
Angela: Kate's community songs and deep nature connection work can be found over on her website, katherland.ca.
3:57
Angela: All right.
3:59
Angela: Hi Emma.
4:01
Angela: Welcome to MyMainBirth.
4:03
Angela: Hi, Angela.
4:04
Angela: Thanks for taking the time to chat with me today.
4:08
Emma: I really appreciate it too.
4:09
Emma: This is this is very fun.
4:10
Emma: I'm I love what you're doing, so I'm so glad to be able to add to it.
4:15
Angela: Cool.
4:15
Angela: Well, to get started, would you share a little bit about you and your family?
4:22
Emma: Yeah, my name's Emma.
4:24
Emma: I've got three kiddos, three and under.
4:26
Emma: Melody is my oldest.
4:28
Emma: She's about three and a half.
4:30
Emma: Um, two-year-old, almost two year old is Bennett.
4:32
Emma: And then our youngest is six months old, his name's Vye.
4:36
Emma: And we're done now.
4:37
Emma: It's time to sign it.
4:39
Emma: I'm all done.
4:40
Emma: But um, it's nice though, having them close.
4:43
Emma: They're they're best buddies already.
4:45
Emma: So it's definitely worth it.
4:47
Angela: Amazing.
4:48
Angela: Yeah.
4:49
Angela: So now jumping into your birth stories, would you start by sharing a little bit about how you found out you were pregnant for the first time and what your thoughts were in choosing your care?
4:59
Emma: Yeah.
5:00
Emma: So with my initial pregnancy, my oldest that was with a previous relationship.
5:06
Emma: So I was um, I was 19 at the time, and that was a big shock, but I was super excited.
5:13
Emma: I ended up getting a lot of support with my parents.
5:16
Emma: I was able to move back in home with them, and that really set me up really well.
5:21
Emma: I ended up going through the hospital for my first birth just because my mom had a history of um help syndrome when she actually had me.
5:28
Emma: She had a pretty severe case of help.
5:31
Emma: So I had some nerves around that and ended up going through the hospital, but super uncomplicated both of my first my first two pregnancies.
5:38
Emma: So my third baby, I I was able to do a home birth.
5:42
Angela: Amazing.
5:43
Angela: So how were you feeling throughout that pregnancy, like being so young?
5:48
Angela: Yeah, like were your kind of thoughts and emotions and anything else that you want to share, like about the pregnancy?
5:53
Emma: Yeah, you know, it was pretty overwhelming.
5:56
Emma: Obviously, it wasn't planned, but I feel like the pregnancy it kind of changed a lot.
6:01
Emma: And, you know, I feel like anyway, the first pregnancies are always really revolutionary because, you know, your whole brain changes and the way that you think about life changes, and you know, just bringing a brand new baby to the world, it it I feel like it does a lot to your character and who you are as a person, and it really grows you up fast.
6:20
Emma: So I think it was honestly a very good thing.
6:22
Emma: It was it was an important turning point in my life, honestly.
6:25
Emma: So I'm I'm very, I'm very blessed by it.
6:27
Emma: Don't don't regret it at all.
6:28
Emma: I'm I'm so thrilled and she's wonderful.
6:31
Angela: So yeah.
6:32
Angela: Yeah, amazing.
6:33
Angela: So how were things looking like, you know, those last like kind of final days and weeks leading up to like yeah, and like about your birth story?
6:42
Emma: Yeah, so for my first, um, you know, it lagged on for a while.
6:48
Emma: I think it was 41 weeks, and they decided to induce me.
6:51
Emma: The pri obviously at the end it was it was kind of brittle.
6:54
Emma: Um, though I would say having, you know, the second and third pregnancy put the first one into perspective because you're not chasing a toddler the first time, you know what I mean?
7:03
Emma: So um, and that way it actually probably was a lot easier, but I didn't have any context, you know.
7:09
Emma: So I, you know, I wasn't I wasn't violated at all.
7:13
Emma: I think maybe by 41 weeks, I was like a half a centimeter.
7:17
Emma: There was just no progress, no signs or anything.
7:19
Emma: But I know at the hospital they kind of like to have you on a certain schedule.
7:23
Emma: So they scheduled me for an induction at 41 weeks and yeah, they had admitted me that morning.
7:29
Emma: Yeah.
7:31
Angela: Do you care to share which hospital this is?
7:33
Angela: You don't have to.
7:34
Emma: Yeah, oh of course.
7:34
Emma: Yeah, it was just Northern Light in Bangor.
7:37
Emma: Um, that's where I had both of my my first two pregnancies or pregnancies and birth, you know.
7:42
Emma: I went through the OBs there.
7:44
Emma: Um, and they're really nice and stuff, but I yeah, so I I had to get one of those um foley bulbs.
7:51
Emma: I don't know, I'm sure, of course you know about the first, you know, because there was just no dilation, no progress there.
7:59
Angela: So um overnight, or was it like in the morning that you went in or yeah, it was the morning.
8:04
Emma: I think we left the house at like 5, 5:30 um in the morning and and stayed there for the whole day.
8:10
Emma: So they did the foley bulb first, and and then I think eventually they started the Pitocin, they broke my water, and it was about 23 hours in total from the start of the foli bulb till when I gave birth.
8:22
Emma: So actually wasn't super, super long for a first baby.
8:26
Emma: So it was the next day.
8:28
Angela: Yeah, and how did that go?
8:30
Angela: How was the actual like birth then?
8:33
Emma: It was fine, honestly, very uncomplicated.
8:35
Emma: I I really wanted to go without an epidural, but I think it's starting around uh maybe like one or two in the morning.
8:43
Emma: I was like starting to get really discouraged.
8:46
Emma: And it's so hard to at the hospital because you know, they have you so strapped up with all kinds of wires.
8:52
Emma: You can't really move around much.
8:53
Emma: It's hard to get comfortable.
8:55
Emma: I really wanted to get in a bathtub of some kind because I always was like, I'm a big fan of water.
9:00
Emma: You know, that's what I love about my home birth is I was able to do that in the water because it's such a great pain reliever.
9:06
Emma: But you know, because I was induced, they wouldn't let you, you know, do that.
9:11
Emma: So it was very hard to cope, you know, because that's kind of what I was hoping to cope with was some water.
9:17
Emma: So I ended up getting an epidural at probably yeah, around two in the morning, and I fell asleep and then I woke up at 10 centimeters and I pushed for like an hour.
9:26
Emma: So very, very straightforward.
9:29
Angela: Yeah.
9:29
Angela: Oh my goodness.
9:30
Angela: Yeah, it's so hard.
9:31
Angela: And especially with like the pitocin contractions, it's not just like your normal, you know, oxytocin, normal liver contractions.
9:38
Emma: Yeah, it like catches your body off guard.
9:41
Emma: I feel like, you know, you're not prepared for it.
9:44
Angela: Yeah, definitely.
9:45
Angela: So, how was your postpartum, like immediate postpartum with her?
9:50
Emma: With her, um, it was pretty good.
9:51
Emma: Like, you know, again, the first is is so hard.
9:55
Emma: And I didn't have my husband, obviously, at the time.
9:57
Emma: I was living with my parents and I was, you know, I had their support, but I still felt pretty alone.
10:02
Emma: So I feel like mentally the first one is a lot more challenging.
10:06
Emma: You know, breastfeeding didn't work out for very long.
10:09
Emma: I really tried, but you know, it's so hard.
10:12
Emma: I was alone and for a lot of things.
10:15
Emma: And um, so I did feel bad about that for a while.
10:19
Emma: But other than that, you know, I think once she started sleeping, I was doing okay.
10:23
Emma: But it wasn't like I could really take off much time during the night.
10:26
Emma: It was just me, you know.
10:27
Emma: So the sleep deprivation really added up, you know.
10:31
Emma: So yeah.
10:33
Angela: Oh my goodness.
10:34
Angela: So how were things looking as she got older and as you started to think about another pregnancy?
10:40
Angela: How did you find out, yeah, you were pregnant for the second time?
10:43
Emma: Yeah, so it's so funny.
10:45
Emma: I my daughter, I I had um a friend from from my church that I grew up with.
10:50
Emma: She was gonna watch my daughter when I went back to work.
10:53
Emma: And she actually babysat me when I was younger.
10:56
Emma: So she was a very close family friend.
10:58
Emma: And um I brought her there.
10:59
Emma: And so I ended up meeting my husband through her, which I already knew him, you know, indirectly, but I'm he was there when Melody was being babysat uh by his grandmother, and she kind of hooked us up and we ended up dating and we got engaged really fast.
11:15
Emma: We got married after the engagement, it was like four months afterwards, and um, right after we got married, I got pregnant.
11:23
Emma: So it was very, very fast.
11:26
Angela: Oh my goodness, amazing! Yeah, so how was that like when you were finding out this time?
11:33
Emma: Yeah, it was um much less overwhelming for sure.
11:36
Emma: It was I was very excited, you know, and we did not expect to get pregnant so fast.
11:40
Emma: I think it probably was right as soon as we got married.
11:44
Emma: So but it was yeah, it was very exciting and and it was uh my first boy.
11:49
Emma: So yeah, that pregnancy was was also very uncomplicated.
11:54
Emma: I I only ended up having issues towards the end.
11:57
Emma: I had some like pro-dromal labor that actually it lasted for a little bit now that I'm thinking about it.
12:03
Emma: But other than that, it was a lot easier mentally than my first pregnancy, I for sure.
12:09
Angela: Yeah, so and you decided to go with Eastern Maine again.
12:13
Angela: Yes, yes, you have like a favorite doctor from the first time.
12:18
Emma: Um, yes, I I can't remember what her name was.
12:22
Emma: Oh my goodness.
12:23
Emma: Um, she was a nurse midwife through through Northern Light.
12:26
Emma: Dr.
12:27
Emma: Hoare.
12:28
Emma: Okay H O R Rore Awesome, she's wonderful though, she was super sweet.
12:34
Emma: So I went with her for my second.
12:37
Emma: Yeah.
12:38
Angela: Yeah.
12:38
Angela: So and did you go with the midwife for your first or was it the OBs?
12:42
Emma: It was the OB's, but then I had met her through my first pregnancy, like one of the appointments or something.
12:48
Emma: I was like, I want to see her again.
12:49
Emma: She's great.
12:51
Emma: Erin Bar, I guess that's her name.
12:54
Angela: Did your appointments feel different like the second time around as you were kind of going throughout your pregnancy?
13:00
Angela: Definitely, yeah.
13:02
Emma: I feel just like she was a lot less not like the other doctors were like rushed, but she definitely seemed like she, I don't know, she seemed like she cared more and really took the time to ask questions and um, you know, like get to know you.
13:17
Emma: And um, she was very encouraging.
13:19
Emma: And actually, I remember I saw her for one of my postpartum appointments too with my daughter, and she had told me that she had a similar situation um with her oldest child, and she was just super encouraging and very done nervous.
13:31
Emma: So yeah, I I was very happy with her.
13:35
Angela: Awesome, cool.
13:36
Angela: So, how were you feeling like towards those final weeks and then days leading up to when your labor started?
13:43
Angela: And yeah, how was your birth?
13:45
Emma: Yeah, so um with Bennett, my second, he I had those prodroma labors.
13:50
Emma: I kept going into labor and delivery because I thought I was in labor multiple times.
13:54
Emma: And I think it was starting the process, but obviously it was a little bit slow.
13:59
Emma: And I think it may have been like three or four centimeters, but I was just sitting there for a while.
14:04
Emma: So one of the times that I came into labor and delivery, they were just like, we'll just keep you and break your water.
14:10
Emma: So it ended up being another induction.
14:13
Emma: Um and how you at that point.
14:16
Emma: How far along?
14:18
Emma: That was 39 weeks, actually.
14:20
Emma: So he was a little bit earlier, but it had been a while of going back and forth.
14:26
Emma: And I think they were sick of seeing us coming and leaving.
14:29
Emma: So um, but that whole like labor process was probably like four or five hours start to finish.
14:37
Emma: So he was ready.
14:39
Emma: Yes, yeah, I was ready too.
14:41
Emma: Definitely.
14:43
Angela: Um that's the big thing with induction.
14:45
Angela: It's like it can do well if like your baby's ready and your body is ready, but like it's the ones where like maybe your body's like not so ready, your baby's not so ready where it takes longer, and it's like, yeah, run into trouble sometimes.
14:57
Emma: But especially when you're for first and like you're still like your cervix is closed.
15:01
Emma: Like, I feel like that's just you gotta wait a little bit longer, you know.
15:05
Emma: Give them time.
15:07
Angela: Yeah, it's just like such an individualized thing, yeah.
15:10
Angela: Just like it's so hard to have like a standard like thing, but yeah, that's yes, absolutely.
15:15
Emma: They go on their own timeline and dates can be off too for babies, so you know, go a little more with the flow.
15:22
Angela: Yeah, so your body was ready and your baby was ready.
15:27
Angela: And yeah, so how how was that?
15:30
Emma: It was really good.
15:32
Emma: It was my best sleeper so far, I would say.
15:35
Emma: He I when I um I I didn't I had the epidural, I ended up getting it.
15:41
Emma: I caved.
15:42
Emma: I was I could have done it though.
15:44
Emma: I was so frustrated with myself, but I think I was about eight or nine centimeters and I was I was like demanding it at that point, you know.
15:52
Emma: But again, it was because of the wires.
15:54
Emma: I didn't like all the wires and the IVs and everything.
15:57
Emma: I couldn't move around super well.
15:59
Emma: Like I was just like, I'm done.
16:01
Emma: Um, and then like probably 45 minutes after I had I just had given birth.
16:07
Emma: So it was a little silly at that point.
16:09
Emma: You never know in the moment because yeah, of course.
16:12
Emma: You're like, oh, it's the end of the world, you know.
16:14
Emma: It's like, how much longer can I do this for?
16:16
Emma: But it ended up, yeah, it was very short.
16:19
Emma: And he the doctor had come in and saw that I was at 10 centimeters, and she's like, Oh, do you feel like you can push?
16:25
Emma: And I was like, Yeah, and then I just started pushing and she was like, Hang on, let me get my gloves on.
16:30
Emma: Uh and then he was out in like a push or two, maybe very, very easy.
16:36
Angela: Yeah, amazing, that's incredible for sure.
16:41
Angela: Wow, so how was your like immediate postpartum with him?
16:45
Angela: Great.
16:46
Emma: Honestly, I'd say that was my easiest postpartum period.
16:50
Emma: Melody was a toddler at the time, so I think maybe she had a harder time transitioning to the two, but now they're best friends, like they do everything together.
16:59
Emma: It's very sweet.
17:00
Emma: But yeah, I'd say that went well.
17:02
Emma: Um, you know, breastfeeding went super well with Bennett.
17:06
Emma: All of it was very good.
17:07
Emma: I felt very good mentally, and I had no complications, no tearing or bleeding or any kind.
17:14
Emma: I did, I remember with my first, I had some hemorrhaging afterwards.
17:18
Emma: Um, but I'm sure that was partially because of the induction process who, you know, could have been caused by that.
17:24
Emma: So yeah, but his was great.
17:27
Angela: Yeah.
17:28
Angela: So how long was it?
17:30
Angela: And like what was your thought process?
17:32
Angela: Yeah, like, and yeah, how did you find out you're pregnant for the third time?
17:36
Angela: Yeah.
17:37
Angela: What's your thoughts in choosing your kid?
17:39
Angela: How is that a little different?
17:41
Emma: Yeah.
17:42
Emma: So, well, at that point, I had already had two very, you know, uncomplicated hospital births.
17:48
Emma: I'm like, I I'm sure I'm a candidate for a home birth by now, at least like the birthing center I was really hoping for.
17:54
Emma: But yeah, so I was gosh, eight or nine months postpartum with my uh oldest boy Bennett.
18:03
Emma: He was still nursing exclusively at the time.
18:07
Emma: I think maybe some solids, but I hadn't, you know, I hadn't gotten a cycle back yet.
18:11
Emma: And I just got pregnant.
18:13
Emma: So, because that happens when you're nursing still, you know, they do warn you.
18:18
Emma: So that was a little bit of a surprise.
18:21
Emma: Um, and I do feel like the third pregnancy was a lot harder physically because you know, I didn't get enough time to recover for sure.
18:30
Emma: But yeah, you know, at that point, I think the first couple of my um OB appointments, like I still went through the hospital, but over time I was kind of looking into doing going through Holly number seven in Bangor instead.
18:43
Emma: I had thought about it before, but I chickened out and I was like, no, I'm gonna do it.
18:47
Emma: I'm gonna do it this time.
18:48
Emma: And my husband was super supportive about it.
18:51
Emma: So we just made it happen.
18:52
Emma: And they're they're wonderful there.
18:54
Emma: They but they were the best, truly.
18:56
Angela: So yeah.
18:58
Angela: So what was your like first appointments like with them?
19:02
Emma: Yeah, just you know, very different than the hospital appointments, even with, you know, a very sweet doctor or nursman's wife, actually.
19:10
Emma: She, you know, they're still on a very tight schedule.
19:14
Emma: And it's just, you know, her and you.
19:16
Emma: And, you know, even once you get to the actual labor part, you you don't know who you're gonna end up getting for a doctor.
19:24
Emma: Um, so that can make it hard, but it's very much so relationship-based, I feel like, through the the birthing center, and you get to know a whole team of midwives and student midwives, and they're all just, you know, everything is very calm and and the conversation feels very natural and just very comfortable.
19:42
Emma: And everything is kind of focused on what you prefer and what you're comfortable with.
19:47
Emma: And it definitely feels is felt very different for sure, um, than anything in the hospital setting.
19:53
Emma: And the the appointments are longer too, you know, you get more time to talk about any symptom you're having and and you know, natural relief for those things.
20:02
Emma: That's another nice thing about it is you know, they're not going right to like medication or you know what I mean, like the quick fixes.
20:09
Emma: It's very um, it's very more like um what's the word?
20:13
Emma: Holistic.
20:14
Emma: Yes, that's the word.
20:15
Emma: Yes, very holistic.
20:17
Angela: Yeah.
20:18
Angela: Yeah, that's amazing.
20:20
Angela: And it's really just more, yeah, like focused on you, like, you know, your emotional status.
20:27
Angela: So you're like developing that relationship and they're like getting to know you and like where you're at more than just what it says on your chart.
20:34
Emma: Yeah, it's nice to have that rapport with those people too, because you know, it's such an important day of your life.
20:40
Emma: You know, giving birth, it's a really, it's a really big turning point, and having people you really know and trust is so crucial to feeling comfortable through labor.
20:49
Emma: So made a huge difference.
20:51
Angela: Yeah, a team that understands that is definitely a big deal.
20:55
Angela: Yeah, for sure.
20:56
Angela: For sure.
20:57
Angela: So, how was your husband feeling about like the change in plan?
21:00
Angela: So, were you considering like the birth center at this point, or were you had you like decided on a home birth?
21:06
Emma: Yeah, um, we were originally thinking at the birth center, but I was like, you know, I would be so much more comfortable if I was at home, though, you know?
21:14
Emma: And Alfie, my husband, had some reservations about that, just where, you know, we're about 30 minutes from the closest from like Bangor, the closest hospital.
21:26
Emma: So there were some risks there, you know, because it would was gonna be around end of November, that's when I was due.
21:33
Emma: So could be snow, you know, there could be so many things that come up.
21:37
Emma: So he was kind of running through all those different, you know, thoughts, but I was I was pretty adamant about it, and my team felt comfortable doing it.
21:46
Emma: So we ended up going for it.
21:48
Emma: And then he was he was all gung-ho about it too.
21:50
Emma: He learned all of the things, you know, the breathing and the pressure points and all of that.
21:56
Angela: So yeah.
21:57
Angela: So is there anything else that you might Want to share like for maybe other moms that might be like having these similar conversations with their partners about your talks with the midwives went between you, your husband, and them in deciding having a home birth, like you know, 30 minutes plus outside of like.
22:15
Emma: Yeah, I mean, it's a very individual thing too, because I I'm sure they wouldn't have made it okay, you know, if it were somebody that had some more history there that wasn't as typical, or you know, if they were maybe a little bit older.
22:30
Emma: But I already had, you know, a good history, everything was uncomplicated, so it made sense.
22:35
Emma: But yeah, I mean, it's important to have your partner, you know, on the same page as you for sure.
22:40
Emma: So getting them familiarized with what the actual midwives do, I think Alfie coming to the appointments with me was super helpful because he saw, you know, like these women really know what they're doing.
22:51
Emma: They're very competent, they work as a really solid team.
22:55
Emma: You know, it they it's not, you know, I think a lot of people, there's stereotypes about doing something outside of the hospital is like, oh, like woo-woo kind of stuff.
23:04
Emma: But it's not like that.
23:05
Emma: And of course, if things go wrong, there's always a plan in place for you to get the adequate care that you need.
23:11
Emma: But they really can do so much on their own at home too.
23:15
Emma: So, and they bring all the supplies there, like they know what they're doing.
23:18
Angela: So yeah, absolutely.
23:20
Angela: And they're they're spotting things before they become emergencies in so many cases.
23:25
Emma: Yeah, exactly.
23:26
Emma: Yeah.
23:27
Angela: So, how was your pregnancy looking like?
23:29
Angela: How are your appointments as things like progressed and you were starting to yeah, prepare for your home birth?
23:35
Emma: Yeah, they were um, they were great.
23:37
Emma: You know, I I love the team.
23:39
Emma: It's just I would say the third one was a lot harder physically.
23:43
Emma: I had great support from them, but you know, it it was harder because I had them so close.
23:48
Emma: And I had a lot more of that predominator.
23:52
Emma: So I think it had started honestly around the beginning of my second trimester.
23:57
Emma: I started having these contraptions and I work on my feet a lot.
24:01
Emma: So I think that was probably triggering it more as well.
24:03
Emma: Eventually, I think uh maybe a couple months from my due day or maybe a month or so out, I ended up having to stop working early because it was just the contractions were getting very hard to um manage, um, even with like hydration and stuff.
24:21
Emma: It just my body was just ramping up.
24:23
Emma: So they ended up having me just um stay home, semi-bed rest, not like fully bed rest, but you know moderately so not be so active, start to slow down a little bit.
24:35
Emma: Yeah, which was probably good for me too, to um relax a little bit before birth, you know, get more in that mindset.
24:44
Angela: That's so important for everybody.
24:46
Angela: Absolutely.
24:47
Angela: So, as sort of like a side note here, because I know we're gonna be talking about this a little bit more in a few minutes.
24:53
Angela: Do you want to share like what you're doing for work at this point?
24:57
Angela: And like, did you still in business at this point, or did that come after?
25:02
Emma: Yes.
25:02
Emma: So at this point, I was actually studying to um become a personal trainer and nutrition coach.
25:08
Emma: All through my pregnancy, I was studying.
25:09
Emma: I ended up getting my exams.
25:11
Emma: I passed them at oh gosh, I think maybe a month before I gave birth.
25:15
Emma: So right at the end there, yeah.
25:17
Emma: And I um started working with um Miller Fitness in Newport February of this year.
25:25
Emma: So he was a couple months old.
25:26
Emma: I started working part-time there and building up some clientele.
25:30
Emma: And now we're starting mommy me classes.
25:33
Emma: Um, so we're gonna be meeting every Saturday at 8 a.m.
25:37
Emma: for now.
25:37
Emma: We might do a couple classes at some point, just depending on demand and um class size and stuff.
25:42
Emma: But yeah, so this Saturday is our first day.
25:45
Emma: Um, but I just, you know, over time through my pregnancies and postpartums, I've learned a lot about, you know, how to rehab um, you know, your core and pelvic floor and you know, working with a pelvic floor therapist and getting back into shape and prioritizing that.
26:04
Emma: And so I feel like I've learned a lot, and um, I think it's so important for moms to prioritize their own health so they can show up best for their kids and their families.
26:13
Emma: So um I'm super passionate about it, and that's why I'm starting that.
26:18
Angela: So yeah, amazing.
26:20
Angela: I will get all your contact info in a few minutes, but yeah, so how did that play into like your pregnancy too then?
26:28
Angela: Like just learning all that information throughout that pregnancy.
26:32
Emma: I feel like I had to go through a pregnancy where I um didn't do things quite the right way and just kind of saw the major difference postpartum for me.
26:41
Emma: Um, you know, postpartum with Bennett, I it took a lot longer to feel more physically able, you know.
26:49
Emma: I I always was pretty fit, but after him, you know, I I put on a lot of weight during the pregnancy and um I just wasn't able to get around like I used to.
26:59
Emma: And it was pretty discouraging for a while because, you know, I I'm so used to doing all these things.
27:04
Emma: And there's obviously that transition period postpartum where you're just not gonna be able to do all the things, and that's okay.
27:11
Emma: Um, but you know, by like eight or nine months postpartum, I um with Benna, I started getting back into um my lifting routine and strength training and really focusing on nutrition, which was good timing because then I got pregnant and my nutrition and my uh strength training routine was pretty solid by then.
27:30
Emma: And um I made sure to prioritize that that entire pregnancy.
27:34
Emma: And the pregnancy was physically harder, but I do feel like postpartum physically I was able to come back to myself a lot faster because I had that.
27:44
Emma: And I think that it it was it made the my baby a lot healthier too.
27:49
Emma: I will like my my second, my my son Bennett, he has some health issues, and not that it's totally connected to the pregnancy, but I do feel like he had some some of the my nutrition issues in pregnancy may have carried over there.
28:05
Emma: So I really prioritized it with Levi, and he's been super healthy and it might not be connected, but I feel better about it.
28:13
Angela: So yeah.
28:14
Angela: That's really interesting that you bring all that together.
28:17
Angela: Like, I totally agree.
28:18
Angela: Like the nutrition piece of pregnancy is often overlooked, and a lot of times, like you can really like help yourself have a better outcome, like in a better ease, more easeful birth if you're like really focusing.
28:31
Angela: Yeah, your nutrition is so important.
28:34
Emma: Yeah, and I feel a lot of the message that's pushed to pregnant moms is like, oh, just eat whatever you want, like follow your cravings.
28:41
Emma: And to an extent, you know, you can.
28:44
Emma: But at the same time, you know, pregnancy is very nutritionally demanding on you.
28:50
Emma: And it's so important for you and for your baby to prioritize that.
28:54
Emma: Um, it makes a huge difference.
28:55
Emma: So I I've thought about things, you know, my mentality with it was a lot different going to the third pregnancy for that.
29:03
Angela: Yeah, yeah, that's awesome.
29:05
Angela: So how yeah, were you feeling towards the end now to get into those last like kind of final weeks and then days leading up to when your labor started?
29:14
Angela: How are your like appointments looking like?
29:16
Angela: How were you feeling?
29:17
Emma: Yeah, it was getting harder for sure.
29:21
Emma: Um, I had more of that starting installing of the labor patterns.
29:25
Emma: I don't know if it was pro-drama, I don't know what you would call it, but you know, in hindsight, I think that my body was trying to start labor, but it could sense that there was some positioning off with the baby and that it was causing it to stall out, which once I explain the birth, you'll it makes sense.
29:44
Emma: You know, I that's what I was kind of thinking um in hindsight.
29:48
Emma: But yeah, I was um going to my appointments and I think they ended up checking my dilation at some point because I was just getting so desperate towards the end.
29:58
Emma: I'm like, I want to know if these patterns are doing anything.
30:01
Emma: So I think at some point they saw, I think I was like four or five centimeters.
30:06
Emma: May I was like right there.
30:08
Emma: So I was there was progress being made, but it was selling out.
30:13
Emma: So I had one appointment where they had suggested this medication, not medication, but it was like an herbal supplement to see if that would kick start labor.
30:22
Emma: I cannot remember the name of it, but it was like a little tincture thing.
30:26
Emma: You might know what some of them are.
30:28
Emma: I'm sure you do something.
30:30
Emma: Yeah.
30:30
Angela: I think that's some little different things they use sometimes.
30:33
Angela: Yeah.
30:34
Emma: Some little tincture, yeah.
30:36
Emma: I tried that, you know, I tried like um pumping and stuff.
30:41
Emma: They were like, go for it.
30:43
Emma: So did that, and you know, I had some more of those labor patterns, but they kept fizzling out.
30:49
Angela: Um now how far along were you at this point?
30:51
Emma: This point I was, I think it was over 40 weeks.
30:55
Emma: So it was 40 weeks in a day, maybe, but it had truly been like since second trimester that I would, and they were ramping up each time and then going away.
31:03
Emma: So yeah, and it was about 40 weeks in a day, I believe, when they ended up coming over to um see after I started the tinctures to see if it would kind of progress at all or if there was anything else that we could do to kick it, kick it into gear.
31:19
Emma: So that day they were there just kind of watching, and I was like, Yeah, it's fizzling out again.
31:25
Emma: I guess you guys all have to leave.
31:26
Emma: And they were, oh, I think, I think maybe I had suggested it, but I was like, Well, what's my last one?
31:32
Emma: You know, all they did was break my water and that sent it right into motion.
31:37
Emma: So, and they kind of hesitated for a little bit, you know, just like they don't want to obviously like unintentionally cause any sort of, you know, anything that the baby's not ready for.
31:47
Emma: But um, it just seemed, I think to them that it was a good time for it.
31:52
Emma: So I think around 10 o'clock that night, they ended up breaking my water while home here.
31:57
Emma: And that really ramped it up.
31:59
Emma: And I think it, yeah, it progressed pretty well again.
32:02
Emma: But it was doing the same starting and stalling, even like later on, even that 70 centimeters, it was still doing that same pattern.
32:09
Emma: So who knows how long it would have gone for?
32:12
Angela: Yeah.
32:12
Angela: That's interesting.
32:13
Angela: And sometimes too, it's if you're asking, you know, hey, can you break my waters?
32:17
Angela: Then it's a different situation than if they're like suggesting it, you know, like it's like relationship with the midwives, which is really nice.
32:25
Angela: Yeah.
32:26
Emma: And they like trust trust your input on things too, you know.
32:29
Emma: I feel like sometimes in healthcare, the doctors are a little bit like dismissive, you know, at times, and that definitely helped me feel more in control, even during the labor process, just knowing that they trust what I'm saying, you know what I mean?
32:43
Angela: Absolutely.
32:44
Angela: That's such a big part of midwifery care, I feel like, yeah, is just listening to the mother and what she's saying, of course.
32:50
Angela: Yeah.
32:50
Angela: Makes a big difference.
32:52
Emma: Yeah.
32:53
Angela: Yeah.
32:53
Angela: So how did things progress after that?
32:56
Angela: Or yeah, how did it go?
32:58
Emma: Yeah, so it went well for a while.
33:01
Emma: Um, I was laboring through the night.
33:03
Emma: I think around five in the morning is when it stalled out the first time.
33:07
Emma: And I think I was probably around seven, eight, seven years at that point.
33:12
Emma: Stalled out completely, um, which was fine because then I could get some rest.
33:16
Emma: I got to sleep a little bit, which was nice.
33:18
Emma: I still had some weird contractions, but they were really dying down.
33:23
Emma: Um, and then first thing in the morning, when it was bright out again, they started putting me in some different, you know, birthing positions, you know, to try to get some gravity working.
33:33
Emma: I had um, I think it was like a bed sheet that they tied around, like the door frame, and they had me like squat.
33:40
Emma: That worked wonders.
33:41
Emma: That really kicked in in the gear.
33:44
Emma: So that was through the morning.
33:46
Emma: They had me in there just rotating different positions.
33:49
Emma: And then I think it was around noon that I started.
33:54
Emma: I was around like 10 centimeters, and they they had me in the tub at that point.
34:00
Angela: Nine or 10, probably, yeah.
34:02
Angela: And so how did that feel for you?
34:04
Angela: Were you like instinctually like wanting to go in the tub?
34:07
Emma: I really needed it at that point.
34:09
Emma: It was it was getting hard to cope with.
34:12
Emma: So the tub was is very relaxing, obviously.
34:15
Emma: It very soothing.
34:16
Emma: So that's that was my thing.
34:18
Emma: I was like, I'm getting right in the tub.
34:19
Emma: Yeah.
34:21
Angela: Oh my gosh.
34:22
Angela: So yeah, how how did it unfold?
34:24
Angela: Did you end up birthing in the tub?
34:26
Emma: So I wanted to for sure.
34:28
Emma: That was my plan um originally, but so I was pushing for a while and I something just fell off.
34:35
Emma: You know, I it felt almost like I was pushing against something.
34:40
Emma: So they ended up pulling me out of the tub to see what was going on after trying for quite a while and not making any like dissension.
34:48
Emma: And there was a cervical lip first.
34:50
Emma: So that was what I was pushing up against originally.
34:53
Emma: Um, so they manually pushed that down, I believe, to get him to descend more.
34:58
Emma: And then at this point, I was on our couch.
35:01
Emma: Um, so they were trying to put me in different positions.
35:04
Emma: I still felt like something was wrong.
35:07
Emma: You know, I kept getting stronger and stronger contractions because my body was just like trying to make it happen.
35:14
Emma: But well, what we found out was he had the cord wrapped around his neck and his arm like a sling.
35:21
Emma: So as he's supposed to be rotating, he's not able to fully get that shoulder in and everything, you know.
35:29
Emma: So pushing up against that for a while.
35:32
Emma: So she, my my midwife Aura ended up, she she went in and you know, tried to relieve that cord blockage to relieve the soul shoulder dystocia.
35:43
Emma: And that ended up working eventually.
35:47
Emma: Yeah.
35:47
Emma: So yeah, and and um at that point, you know, sh I think, you know, in talking with her afterwards, she thinks that um maybe when she had pulled the cord, it had brock blocked off his airway or something, or maybe just in the stress of the birth for him.
36:05
Emma: Some point he just he he was born not breathing and he had no heartbeat.
36:11
Emma: So they immediately started working on him and giving him breaths and CPR and they called 911 and IMTs in Newport and this where we live is Newport.
36:23
Emma: They were literally just right next to our road, which was amazing, like miraculous, because they were able to get here like within a minute, you know.
36:32
Emma: Yeah, I'm rambling.
36:34
Angela: Sorry.
36:35
Angela: Oh, you're fine, you're fine.
36:37
Angela: Um, this is what this space is for if you're if you're comfortable to keep sharing and yeah, big deal.
36:43
Emma: That's a lot.
36:43
Emma: That's a lot.
36:44
Emma: Yeah, it was.
36:46
Emma: They were wonderful though.
36:47
Emma: Our midwives, I literally could not have had one better ones.
36:52
Emma: They were they just, you know, they work so like intuitively almost with each other, like such a good team, you know.
36:59
Emma: They're just like not even verbally communicating, they just know what to do, you know what I mean?
37:04
Emma: And so I knew that I was we were in good hands.
37:08
Emma: And yeah, you know, and the EMTs arrived within a couple minutes.
37:11
Emma: Um, it's so funny too, because one of the nurse midwives was originally supposed to be getting off shift, I think like at some point in the morning, but she had decided like, I'm just gonna stay and hang out and see how this goes.
37:24
Emma: And so amazing that she did, you know, because you know, it ended up being a very complicated fast.
37:31
Emma: And it was so like great to have all three of them there, and it was really helpful.
37:36
Emma: So the EMT that arrived was a nurse midwife.
37:39
Emma: Oh no, sorry.
37:40
Emma: Um, my my other the other um did I say nurse midwife?
37:44
Emma: I meant student midwife.
37:45
Emma: So sorry.
37:46
Emma: Student midwives and then our main midwife.
37:48
Emma: So sorry, yes.
37:49
Emma: The EMTs were wonderful too, though.
37:52
Emma: They they they were great, yeah.
37:54
Angela: Yeah, definitely.
37:55
Angela: It's nice to have the whole team like they train for that specifically.
37:59
Angela: Like you said, like they're doing this without even communicating with each other and they're they know, yeah, what to do.
38:04
Angela: So, how what happened then after that?
38:09
Emma: Yeah, so I think it was about 15 minutes.
38:12
Emma: Um, well, while they were on the phone with 911, he his heartbeat had returned at that point, which is amazing.
38:19
Emma: But yeah, he wasn't breathing probably for like 15 minutes in total.
38:24
Emma: They were doing the rescue breaths.
38:26
Emma: Um, and then once the EMTs arrived, they ended up doing the oxygen mask mask.
38:30
Emma: But and maybe there was another setup.
38:32
Emma: I can't remember all the details.
38:34
Emma: But obviously the cord was still attached, which is something that you don't get in the hospital.
38:39
Emma: But the placenta, I still had them, you know, everything was all still attached, so he was still getting oxygen to his brain.
38:45
Emma: Um, so he had absolutely no lasting um issues from that whole thing, which is yeah, miraculous.
38:54
Emma: So amazing.
38:56
Angela: Were you all able to stay home?
38:59
Emma: I really wanted to, um, definitely, but at that point, you know, they were watching for any signs of you know brain issues or anything with him ongoing.
39:09
Emma: So we ended up being transported to the hospital in the ambulance.
39:13
Emma: But it was nice the EMTs let me have have him on my chest, you know, skin to skin for that whole drive.
39:19
Emma: Because obviously when he first came out, I couldn't be skin to skin that whole time, which was a bummer.
39:26
Emma: You know, the whole thing was very overwhelming.
39:30
Emma: But that was so nice that they let us do that.
39:33
Emma: I ended up hemorrhaging after that birth, too, at home.
39:36
Emma: And then once we got to the hospital, I hemorrhaged more there.
39:39
Emma: But yeah, so they they had to admit us for a day, unfortunately.
39:44
Emma: But he was great though.
39:46
Angela: That's what they're there for in that situation.
39:48
Angela: It's like, you know, home births are amazing, but like when it, you know, and birth is not a medical event until it is, you know, and then it's like, okay, this is this is great that they're here for that next level of support, you know.
40:02
Angela: And it's unfortunately, it's like fortunately, like they're they were there, you know, in the situation.
40:08
Angela: Yeah, yeah.
40:09
Angela: Oh my gosh, I've got goosebumps.
40:12
Emma: Yeah, it's um we're just so grateful for for all of like seriously, couldn't have been better team there with us.
40:21
Emma: Um so yeah, just so grateful.
40:24
Emma: Everything ended up okay.
40:25
Emma: He's so healthy and happy now.
40:27
Emma: He he's he's doing so wonderfully.
40:30
Emma: And we at the time, you know, you have so many thoughts running through your your mind that things, you know, I didn't even know if he would come back, you know.
40:39
Emma: So it makes me makes me emotional to talk about.
40:42
Emma: But yeah, we're just so blessed.
40:44
Angela: So yeah, wow, that is a heavy, heavy story for sure, but like a happy ending.
40:51
Angela: And like I'm just like getting through this whole series about like the Free Birth Society and the things that they told women in these communities, and it's just like it is.
41:02
Angela: There are so many situations where like it does like it's so helpful to have midwifery care because even in the home birth setting, to have somebody that's trained and knows what to do in that situation, like it could have been such a different outcome if they weren't there and you were like alone, you know.
41:20
Emma: Um gosh, because you don't know those things until you know it's like it's too late once you're already about to give birth, like shoulder dystocia, there's no way to really know until it's too late.
41:32
Angela: So right you had a perfectly healthy pregnancy, perfectly, yeah.
41:36
Emma: Yeah, no way, and it's so random too, you know, especially where the cord was, it's very uncommon.
41:41
Emma: So those things happen, you know, it's it's so good to have a team you can trust with you for sure.
41:47
Emma: Yeah, oh my gosh.
41:50
Angela: So, how was your postpartum then after you were leaving the hospital and like recovering and like processing all of that?
41:56
Angela: And were you still able to have like, yeah, like your midwives?
41:59
Angela: Like, what was that looking like?
42:00
Angela: Yeah.
42:01
Emma: The midwives were so wonderful.
42:03
Emma: Um, you know, coming in and taking care and checking in on us.
42:07
Emma: And, you know, I hemorrhaged a lot, so uh my iron was low and fair and low for a while.
42:13
Emma: So had some ongoing issues with that.
42:16
Emma: But other than that, you know, I I was mostly, you know, I was in my little newborn bubble, but you know, I was mostly just really so grateful that everything was okay for a good chunk of like the first you know couple months.
42:30
Emma: Like that's all I was thinking was just how grateful I am.
42:34
Emma: And then processing it.
42:36
Angela: Yeah.
42:36
Angela: So did he have to have any sort of like NICU stay, or was he able to like be with you?
42:40
Emma: No, no, surprisingly, he did not.
42:43
Emma: He um, I was so because that's what they were saying too.
42:46
Emma: The EMTs was like, well, he will have to stay in the NICU, but he had everything was so good.
42:52
Emma: He passed all of his tests, he's healthy.
42:54
Emma: Um, so we were able to just leave after 24 hours.
42:57
Emma: Yeah.
42:59
Angela: Amazing.
43:00
Angela: Oh my god.
43:00
Angela: Yeah.
43:02
Angela: So how yeah, how is processing all of that?
43:06
Emma: Oh, yeah, you know, I'm still working on it.
43:09
Emma: Yeah, I I just um and another thing, having the midwives, like I could I was able to still talk to them and process with them, you know, because it I think it was hard on them too, seeing the whole process start to finish, you know, it's not easy going through that.
43:24
Emma: So, but they were that's another nice thing, you know.
43:27
Emma: You might have a traumatic experience in the hospital, but who are you gonna really process through all of that with?
43:34
Emma: I I had family, of course, which was great, but going through all the details of start to finish, kind of like what happened and why it went like that.
43:42
Emma: And I was able to talk through that.
43:44
Emma: Different things that I kind of missed while I was giving birth, they were able to fill in the gaps of the story.
43:48
Emma: It helped me kind of process it better, you know what I mean?
43:52
Angela: Oh, yeah, it definitely helps to be able to talk with like the person that was there.
43:57
Emma: Yeah.
43:58
Emma: Cause Alfie and I were just like like surviving, you know.
44:02
Emma: So it's hard, you know, it's hard not having more of that context, you know, like a lot of unknowns about what happened was, you know what I mean?
44:09
Angela: So yeah, yeah, it's a big deal.
44:12
Angela: And it's, you know, an ongoing thing to be processing it.
44:16
Angela: And yeah.
44:18
Emma: So I'm doing a lot better now.
44:20
Angela: Yeah.
44:21
Angela: Oh well, thank goodness you guys are both doing awesome and like he didn't really have to stay in the Nik U.
44:27
Angela: That's that's that's an incredible story.
44:29
Angela: And just really I feel like highlights like the importance of qualified midwifery care.
44:35
Angela: Yes.
44:36
Angela: Never really know when you're gonna need it.
44:38
Angela: Like hopefully they don't need to use their skills but like if they do yeah gonna be lucky to bless to have them there for sure.
44:45
Angela: Yeah.
44:46
Angela: So as a final question if you were to give some advice a piece of advice to someone who's expecting or even new parents what's one of the biggest things that you would want to share there's there's so much good good advice things that you've just learned you know over the years parenting three little I feel like something I would definitely tell me personally just to anyone I would say to prioritize mom's health.
45:16
Emma: You know what I mean?
45:17
Emma: Prioritize getting some strength training in and prioritize good nutrition and learning about it take care of yourself.
45:25
Emma: I know there's a I feel like there's a big message to moms oftentimes to you know moms get last place, you know, sacrificial which is you know great too.
45:35
Emma: You know moms are sacrificial they do a lot of things and give up a lot of things for their families but in order to really show up best for your family and honestly even to just set those healthy you know lifestyle standards for your kids set that example I think it's so important to prioritize that um for your mental health you know for your physical health for your kids' physical health you really set them up for life too.
46:01
Emma: So that would be my my biggest thing for sure.
46:05
Angela: Yeah definitely so what else can you share about like your mommy and me classes that you've started um like what does what are those classes going to kind of look like for anybody that might be interested yeah so we're gonna be meeting for about an hour give or take so you know it's toddlers and young babies so there's gonna be interemptions and that's okay.
46:25
Emma: I'm so go with the flow about it.
46:26
Emma: You know we're gonna do a lot of core rehab stuff for those moms depending on where they're coming in you know postpartum, how far along postpartum they are trying to work on the deep core strengthening again because that's what you lose a lot of during pregnancy and making sure that the diastasis recti is under control.
46:44
Emma: I'm also hoping to work with a friend of mine who's a pelvic floor therapist at some point.
46:50
Emma: She's based in Brewer.
46:51
Emma: She's actually a longtime family friend but I'm hoping to work with her maybe do a workshop or something so we can kind of talk about more of the pelvic floor health side of things along with the you know core health.
47:02
Emma: But yeah so we're gonna do a lot of that I'm gonna do a lot of fun interactive things with the toddlers um or interval style keep it fun for them and just get like a general strength training either using body weight or your baby or um maybe even your toddler if they cooperate.
47:18
Emma: So that's what we're going for.
47:20
Emma: We're gonna see how it goes.
47:22
Emma: I'm I'm excited about it.
47:23
Angela: Amazing that sounds incredible I love that you're offering that it's so so needed.
47:29
Emma: I feel like that too yeah just having a community for moms to you know go to and and meet other moms and connect and still get a workout and you know yeah I love it.
47:40
Angela: So how can people get a hold of you?
47:42
Emma: Yeah um well you can always call Miller Fitness but yeah so at my Instagram is Emma GriffinFitness so you can contact me there just send me a DM and um we can definitely get anyone we've still got some slots available so we can get some more some more signups that would be great.
47:59
Angela: Awesome and this is Miller Fitness in Newport just to double check yes yes in Newport yeah so far maybe we'll be able to expand at some point but yeah oh well that is so cool that you're doing that I love it and I will link all of your contact info in the show notes and Emma thank you so much when you message one of the messages that when we were emailing before the show you said like I have a pretty miraculous home birth story and I'm like yeah that story was very very miraculous and is so special and they're all really so special but yeah that was that was incredible and thank you so much for sharing it with us here.
48:36
Kate Sutherland: Thank you so much for having me it it means a lot I I love to share the story it's yeah just talking about a miracle in our lives you know it's important follow the walk of the wild ones into the woods and the darkness rebirth the ways of the ancient ones whose tracks were washed away in blood it falls to us now to open up and taste beyond what we've been fed Take up the feet expire of cleansing change to light the path is dead follow the walk of the wild ones into the woods and the darkness rebirth the weights of the ancient ones whose tracks were washed away it falls to us now to open up and taste beyond what we pre fed Take up the feet fire cleansing change to light the fact Step by step through the unknown I'll be our light and you'll be mine In darkness let love light the way to feed the soil of changing times Step by step through the unknown I'll be our light and you'll be mine in darkness let love light the way to feed the soil of changing times follow the walk of the wild ones into the woods and the darkness rebirth the waves of the ancient ones whose tracks were washed away in mud It falls to us now to open up and taste beyond what we pretend Take up the Phoenix fire cleansing change to light the path instead Step by step through the unknown I'll be your light and you'll be mine in darkness let love light the way to feed the soil of changing times Step by step through the unknown I'll be your light and you'll be mine in darkness let love light the way to feed the soil of changing times