Latest / Surviving-ISH Podcast / Being Black, Trans, & "Still Here" (with Audrey Nicole!)

Transcript

Being Black, Trans, & "Still Here" (with Audrey Nicole!) · Surviving-ISH Podcast

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_02: First of the first first of all.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: If you're still trying to figure out what to do with your hands during conversations and or pictures, you've come to the right place.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Surviving Itch.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: My name is David, and I'm so excited about this conversation.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: We have Audrey Nicole with us, who um I want to share the links in the profile.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: She's been a guest on Surviving Podcast two times, but wasn't there when you you also didn't you also do one of the true crime or something with us too?
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: I did.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: That was my very first one.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: You've been on this journey with me from day one.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, you were one of the first ones I got connected with, and you've become such a blessing and lovely consistency in my life.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm so glad that you're also a part of the new Surviving Ish.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I'm happy to be here.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_01: And hi everybody in the David world and the surviving-ish world.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_01: I hope you guys are ready for a time.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, absolutely.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: Well, let's let's get to it.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: What are you surviving-ish this week?
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: What's that fun petty grievance that you've been battling with?
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_01: I've been surviving having privilege.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't understand how much privilege I have since I've had gender reassignment surgery until yesterday.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_01: So I was being supportive of a friend who I used to work with in the same occupancy.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_01: They were having a pride event in Union County, North Carolina.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_01: And if you know, Union is Union County, North Carolina.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_01: If you know, you know, it's one of those small conservative towns that just have not evolved, right?
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_01: So I had to be escorted to the premises and out due to the protesters.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_01: So we had a pick me who just so happens to be a part of the community, and he had a sign saying that the mayor was a predator, right?
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_01: Mind you, I'm not from the town, so I don't resonate or know anything about who this man is.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_01: And so I went to go get some lunch, and he was like, So you support a predator?
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, What?
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_01: He was like, So you going to this event, that means you support a predator.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, I don't live here.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_01: So he was like, he was stunned because I'm like, so you don't live here, but you're here.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_01: So why are you here?
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, I'm here to support.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_01: Just because I'm here to support, I don't condone with whatever you guys got going on.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_01: I'm here to be a face, to show my support, to be whatever type of being I needed to be at that moment.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: And so I just thought the thing was an event in an event in this Union County that obviously has a lot of issues.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm sure the community that like the LGBTQIA plus community is very small.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: Correct.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: So you were invited to come, you know, support maybe someone that you know in in this county, not knowing like the history of it or whatever.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: And now now it's you're faced with, shouldn't you have done your research on these things before you got here?
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: And you're just like, I'm here to support the people that I love and need support.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_01: And it was it was just funny to me because of course he he was gay.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm like, we're having this debate about predators, and I'm just like, we'll show the facts, you know, if we're gonna talk about it, let's talk facts.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_01: You're blasphemy right now.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_01: But it was just funny to me, but it also just resonated about the survival of being trans and being black in America and the privilege that I have to be able to live stealth and walk around people that don't like me and having to navigate when and when not to use my voice for my own safety.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_01: So it was it was just funny to be around those type of people who not only bring down our their own community, but to try to say face and reasoning that I'm here to to diss all predators.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, but are you really though?
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_01: Are you really?
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_01: So it was it was comical to me just to see the people that were there.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_01: And I was just like, okay, all right, well, not me.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: Because let's be honest, we have not had very many conversations with anyone from the LGBTQIA plus community, especially first and foremost to the front of the line, the trans community right now.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: Um, then you have also racism has never gone away, but there's no filter on it anymore.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: There was a time where people at least were had a filter.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: Now that filter has been lifted.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: And so so you were trans, you have documented your full journey, and you were also black, a person of color.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: And so so for you to be able to say, Oh, I saw some of my privilege yesterday, you're the first trans person, uh, period.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: The first not I'm not gonna say the first person of color, but definitely the first person of color in the trans or in some of the LGBTQIA plus community, period, that has been able to say that.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that it's very important that we do acknowledge, like I acknowledge the fact that I'm I lead as a white man.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: There's some privilege that comes with that.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: Now, when when and and I lead from my family that has a little bit of money, you know, like we've I've we've never suffered starvation, homelessness, or poverty, you know.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: I would now not all of us are in Mercedes, but but we still had a car that got us somewhere.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: You know, we never worried about if our electricity was going to be turned off or an eviction notice.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: There's privilege that that I know of that absolutely I I've been with.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: Now, when they find out I'm gay, I'm I'm knocked down a notch or two, but you know, I still have a privilege that comes with just being a lead leading as a white man.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: Correct.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: So I think I love that for you.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: I love that with your journey.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: And and let's be honest, like you you've been on this transitioning journey for a while.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't just you don't just wake up and and think, oh well, if they're given these free sex changes at schools, I'm just gonna go to an elementary school and come home a girl.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: Like because you don't do that in schools, like some of the uh the the current administration likes for people to think.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: No one's using boxes and no one's coming home a different gender.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: But but so you started this transition well before you probably even knew that Donald Trump was even running again, definitely before we knew the things that Donald is doing now.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_01: Yes and no.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_01: Um, yes, I I actually transitioned through his first term.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_01: And I completed my transition journey before his second.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: Was was the first term uh if I remember correctly, and correct me if I'm wrong, absolutely dangerous and ugly, but it wasn't to this extent.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: There was there was a different group that that they hated at the time, and then now the new target then the the Trump.0 or 2.0 has been the trans.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: Correct.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: So so I can see how in Trump 1.0, yes, there there wasn't as much concern.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: Of course, there's still something there, but not as much.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_01: Correct.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, correct.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_01: So I was able to survive with very minimum reasoning to, and now that survival has heightened a little bit, but also knowing that I still have privilege, where one for where I'm located and where I live, two, just my surroundings in general, and three, being able to maneuver and live stealth in society.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_01: So that's kind of where my survival privilege comes into play because I can still go to places where I need to go, I can still use the restroom freely, I could still do all the things of the things, whereas people who is not so privileged and have the resources that I have are able to do so.
• 8:58
  unknown: Yeah.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_01: And so, like I said yesterday, I was able to maneuver through the protesters without being called out my name.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_01: I was able to go grab lunch, even though I felt a little uneasy because they were there, but I was still able to maneuver without having a target on my back.
• 9:15
  unknown: Yeah.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_01: Or being who I am authentically.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: I I've had these conversations with people that are like, you know, I just really stand with him on him being Donald, on protecting our children in this whole bathroom thing.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: In my opinion, the only people that are worried about what is between anyone else's legs and our children's legs are the MAGA Republican Party.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: They seem to focus more on gay sex.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't know if you know this, but there's a new um study that just came out from like I believe, don't quote me on this, but I believe it's like one of the hard Harvard studies.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: Um either way, it's it's uh whatever the study is, is very um reputable.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: But the most trans porn searches are in the reddest of the Bible belt maga red.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: And we know what happened at Charlie Kirk's funeral.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: There was a big surge with Grinder, the RNC twice.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_00: Grinder was shut down, and Grinder has never been shut down.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: And we vote for them to have their right to be gay.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_00: We vote for them to have the right to be closeted if they feel like they need to be closeted.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: I have empathy for people that need to be closeted or feel like they have to be.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: I vote for them to have that right.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: You MAGA are voting to take away our livelihood, our rights, our safety, and and just being us to show your immigrant wife on stage and then and then be prejudiced against immigrants, and then when she goes to bed, you put on your boa and get on grinder.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: I'm done with that.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_01: That's the funniest in itself.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_01: It's it surprises me, but it's very laughable because it's like the main people that you target are the main people that y'all fantasize the most, or y'all want to meet up with the most.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_01: And it just boggles my mind because, like I said, years ago, we wasn't even a thought, we wasn't even in anybody's inkling of conversations.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: There isn't enough of you for there to be a concern or thought.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: No, you know, and and I mean that in a way of of course, there's gonna be you know a smaller minority.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I've probably said this on every episode, but I don't know that I can hit this hard enough.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: There are more people in the White House administration right now that have some kind of sexual assault charge against them that they that is either pending, that they've pled guilty to or civilly liable for.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_00: There are more people that have sexual charge sexual assault charges against them in the White House than there are trans people in sports.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: And somehow, this trans person in sports is going to be the end of all of us.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_00: Make it make sense.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: Could you be a doll and make it make sense?
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_01: I wish.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_01: I wish I could.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_01: I wish I could make sense of a lot of things, and that's why it just becomes it's funny.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_01: It's funny.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: Well no, at the place where it's either we laugh or we cry, and I'm exactly crying, and so I'm gonna laugh on it, but I'm also not gonna shut up about it.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely not.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: So I went on a tangent when I actually had a question about this.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: So conversation uh one of the most common conversations I've had with people is saying, well, I just get concerned about trans in public restrooms.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: There's probably been some times I've been with trans in a bathroom, like at a gay bar, or maybe a drag queen when I'm at a gay bar and they're there to entertain, and um as far as drag queens there to entertain, but odds are I don't know if I'm in the bathroom with a trans person or not, because I don't care.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: I'm here to pee and wash my hands and get the fuck out.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_00: So I ask these people when have you been in the restroom with a trans person?
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_00: They don't know they ever have.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, fine.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_00: So when have you been in a bathroom with a trans person felt unsafe?
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_00: Well, never because I don't know if I've ever been in the bathroom with a trans person.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_00: What the fuck is the problem?
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: Why is this the number one thing on MAGA agenda to red?
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: Because you know what?
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_00: I see daily MAGA preachers with child porn, child molestation, child rape charges they're pleading guilty to, who just got done preaching today and going to jail tomorrow for it.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_00: None of them are trans, none of them are drag queens, most of them are white.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_00: All but maybe a few are straight.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_01: I think that's where the rhetoric comes in because this whole trans thing has come from white men, white self-iding men going into these women's spaces, causing havoc, and they have to find something to pin it on.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_01: And who can they pin it on?
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_01: Trans people.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_01: Why?
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_01: Because no one is thinking about us until now.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_00: We was not the focal point.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_00: What's so mad?
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_00: Is do we honestly think that these white men are going out and buy miniskirts on high heels who act like they're using the girls' ration because they're trans just to get with your daughter?
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_00: They don't have to do that, they've never had to do that.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_00: They just walk in and touch your fucking daughter.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_00: Pretty much.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_00: I have never found a case where a man has dressed as a woman and went in and done something.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_00: And and maybe there is one because people are fucked up and crazy of all kinds.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_00: It's even this Charlie Kurt thing.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_00: They're trying to make it as well, it was trans influence because he may have had a roommate that may have been translated.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_00: So have you been in a restroom or a place where you have been called out in any kind of way and made made feel like a predator or a threat in any kind of way?
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_01: No, and I guess that's my privilege because I have been in many restrooms, many airport restrooms, restaurants, restrooms, gym restrooms.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_01: I think before I had my gender reassignment surgery, I did feel uncomfortable being in these spaces because I didn't fully have what I needed.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_01: So I did feel at and like an uneasy feeling.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_01: But now, no.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_01: Even then, I didn't.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_01: But I still felt uncomfortable.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_01: I still felt like I didn't belong in these spaces.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_01: And there was other surgeries that I gotten before then that I didn't have when I was going into like these women's locker rooms and stuff like that.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_01: But now that I've had all of these surgeries, no, I've never had someone like that's a man.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_01: I've never been like, oh my God, we have a man in the restroom.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_01: Y'all need to get, I never had that.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, nothing.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_01: I got more compliments being in a restroom than anything.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_01: So, and that's what like it confuses me as a trans woman.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_01: Is like, y'all want to target us, but you don't even know who's trans and who's not.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_01: You can't, you how can you tell?
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_01: Now, like I said, I have the privilege and the resources to get stuff done to become what is called passable.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_01: So, yeah, there could be some distinctions in some, or there's some that are blessed and don't have to have surgery at all.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_01: So, again, it just depends on who this person or persons are, sex persons are, that are having these types of issues.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_01: And even then, it's a small hand few because they're nine times out of ten white people.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_01: There's not a black person going into these restrooms and causing all these havoc, but they want to marginalize every trans person in the same category, and you can't do that.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_01: But but they but they want to, and they're doing it obviously, but it's it's messed up for us because one, we're black and we're gonna be black first before anything.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_01: So it just makes me grateful to be able to survive in this world of chaos and be able to maneuver in certain situations where I don't have to worry, but I always make sure I have a card up.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, absolutely.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to say to someone who may be listening versus watching, so to the listener, um and I want to point this out because Audrey, you you are amazing and you always promote my show, you always promote your episodes, and when the promos start coming out, you know, you've always done that.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_00: And you're you've always been one of my top shows because you promote the hell out of things and people love you, people follow you.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_00: Like you've got uh which we'll talk more about this, but you have you know, um acting in your backgrounds, and you've created a lot a lovely, entertaining platform for yourself.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_00: And so to any of the listeners who hasn't met me or or know much about me, I am a gay man, probably 24-ish, and and I'm also a liar-ish, but but I'm a white man, and but I'm an ally for all.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_00: And I will call what it is.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_00: If it's a duck, I'm gonna call you a duck, you know?
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_00: So you you had before we move on to my ish, and then we'll get into a different conversation.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_00: But one of the last things I want to say, and and I don't want to speak for you, so I guess it's me asking for you.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_00: You had mentioned how before you completed your transition that you would feel uncomfortable going to restrooms.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I cannot speak for you, but I I would assume that is not the only place you felt uncomfortable.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_00: And your whole life you were probably uncomfortable because you're not in the right body.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_00: Am I speaking correctly, thinking that or right?
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_01: Overall, I just didn't feel comfortable being me in a society in a world where people told me that I was different before I knew I was different.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_01: Like I knew, but hearing it from other people, I was kind of out of disbelief in myself because I was like, I'm not these things, I'm just me.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_01: And so finding out who I was and aligning these types of words and definitions and characteristics made it hard.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_01: Growing up in a small country town, even though we were diverse, it was majority African-American people who were rude or nasty or mean.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_01: And I had to find safe having in other people and friends that were outside of my race.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_01: And it was kind of crazy because, you know, so much had been told that other races of people don't like me.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_01: Well, these other races of people were the ones that were more kind to me than my own race of people.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_01: So it's like you had this own internal battle going on versus what the world is telling you and your family telling you.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_01: So it was a lot that I had to internalize and just keep and bottled up to myself on top of finding my identity.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_01: You know, so it was it was a lot.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_01: And even then, like transitioning during COVID, I had anxiety.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_01: My anxiety was at a thousand because one, I'm transitioning, two, we got COVID.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_01: Three, I haven't even did anything to change any parts of my body.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_01: So I don't know how I'm going to be looked at going into these different spaces that are not deemed for me.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_01: So it's like everything was like heightened to like a thousand.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_01: So surviving COVID, surviving transitioning, surviving, just trying to survive.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_01: So surviving survival is that that's a new tag word, surviving.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_01: I was gonna say, mine is not on the name of the show.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_01: Listen, it's it was crazy, but I got into that point where I made sure to survive in this world, I had to maneuver how I needed to maneuver.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_01: And I got shit done in the time that I needed to get it done.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that's what shocks me the most in all of my journey is how fast I got shit done.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_00: You honey, you would put on there like I'm doing this on X day.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: you start a countdown and you did it.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_00: I did it.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_00: I I just I I admire the way that you've documented publicly.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_00: Um because you could make things so private to where it's just a certain group of people but you're like no I'm proud of my journey.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_00: And one of the conversations that you and I even had which uh a reminder I'll put the links in the show notes you know to these conversations but we talked about the person you used to be yes how you feel about him yes and the person you are now and if you miss him if you if you know the love that you still have for him and even one of the one of the most meaningful conversations I got the most feedback on was when you spoke of allowing your family to go through the grieving process of of losing the son that they had with with the dreams and hopes that parents have for their child regardless of gender right but when the doctor's like oh you have a son here's your baby you immediately think you go into like that plans for what you would want for a boy right all right what some of the some of the most deepest heartfelt feedback I got from people that I would love for us to converse on one day I would love for us to go live and talk about it uh on TikTok but you allowed your family to mourn who the son that they no longer have also allowed them to be reintroduced to now the daughter that they have and you and we even had the conversation I believe it was me and you of how even the black community looks at the LGBTQIA plus a little differently than maybe the white community does because I think it might have been me and you or might have been my manual but but it was talking about how like the black community is like we already have so much against us and now you want to throw this wrench in you know and and but your family has they're so loving and supportive I won't say all I will say all some maybe a little bit less than that maybe one fourth because some of my family members I don't talk to anymore.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_01: So in regards to my book and things that I may have said and I mean and that's like a look back on myself which is actually spoken about in my documentary that we'll talk about here shortly.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_01: But yeah I I always embrace RJ or Ronald or JR or whoever known me through that era of my life he's always with me and I'm so proud to talk about him because if it wasn't for all the stuff and obstacles that he had to go through all the sleepless nights all the crying all of the suicidal ideations all of just being alone and really not having someone to talk to Audrey probably wouldn't even be here today.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_01: Honestly I think I had my last straw at 28 I was done I was like I can't because so much of my life was pleasing other people and that's my fault because I allowed myself to please other people I pleased my parents I pleased my siblings I pleased friends I please exes I pleased everybody else but when when would it be my time to be happy you know and so could I I went about it a different way maybe but even if I did would the reaction still be the same I won't know unless I did it differently but I don't so I'm grateful that I took that opportunity to do it the way I did because it it showed me who was really in my corner who wasn't did I say some very hateful things?
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_01: Could I have said things differently maybe but I'm not gonna take back what I said because I meant what I said at the time but I am apologetic of the feelings that I may have hurt whether it was my siblings or families or friends or whoever but I feel like there are ways that things could be reverenced but you know there could be times that we took it to a point of no return and again I'm okay with that and that's and that's a part of the whole process you gain people you lose people you may hurt people but at the end of the day you have to be strong for yourself because you have to go through this journey for yourself and whoever is for you will be with you and then those that are not for you will be against you and that's okay.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_01: Not everybody's going to accept you not everybody's gonna love you um nobody's probably gonna support you.
• 26:54
  SPEAKER_01: You have to be that one support system for yourself first before you can allow any other people to support you.
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_00: Because at the end of the day this is your journey for you and no one else and so I allowed RJ to be a part of the documentary I allowed the younger me to see what has flourished um I even made an AI picture of me now and what the different stages of RJ throughout his life and it was like we sure can I have multiple ones I had younger me and me now and then I had the different immediately and I was like oh my god because you put these different transitions into your life and it was little boy teenage boy you know getting into young boy and then this beautiful woman yeah and it was the there was just so they say pictures are worth a thousand words this picture was worth so much more than a thousand words and I and again like the courage it takes to do that.
• 27:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah because where you were so where you are absolutely female leading thank you that you could let RJ die off.
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah and and you won't do that.
• 28:14
  SPEAKER_01: No and I think honestly that sets me apart from a lot of trans content creators or trans activists and and it's not to speak on all the trans activists that's before me you know I I support and honor them because without their guidance without their you know their triumphs and advocacy I wouldn't be here today.
• 28:38
  SPEAKER_01: However there are some that don't talk about their past lives at all.
• 28:44
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm one of those that do you know because I loved the person that I once was but I truly love who I am today and I'm grateful for him.
• 28:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I did my own little memorial and I may still do more throughout the year um throughout the years but again RJ walked so Audrey could run and Audrey has to say that every time you say that line I want you to get that printed on a t-shirt I want the next book you write to be named that.
• 29:17
  SPEAKER_00: Like every time you say it I get chills and it's actually bringing tears to my eyes but I spray tinned earlier so I'm not gonna cry but it but I mean but it's every conversation that we've had you mention that line and it's so powerful.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 29:33
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 29:34
  SPEAKER_01: I love him like I do like if I was a twin RJ would be my brother like I feel like we were we were would have been meant to be twins because we were like still one and the same however it's like the true person was it has came out at the forefront and it's and I still look back at old pictures I'm just like gosh like wow I've come so far so fast it's such a it's such a small amount of time and the impact that you know I'm still like always going to be humble but I don't think it has hit yet and I think it won't hit until my documentary is out.
• 30:13
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah I think that's when it's truly gonna hit like wow which we're definitely talking about.
• 30:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah I keep saying that one more question and then I'm gonna do my ish but I'm like fuck my ish like I love this conversation.
• 30:28
  SPEAKER_01: So the last time that we talked which has been a couple of years as far well not the last time we talked last time we recorded of course we always message each other and follow each other but but actually had like a conversation like this has been a couple of years when we recorded and your family the supportive ones that you still allow in your life they at the time if I remember correctly were still referring to as RJ and you were okay with that yeah and has that changed any or is that still there and you're still good with that I'm still good with it it has improved drastically my mom does call me uh Arey so she's doing a lot better and I love this for her our relationship has trajected in ways that I didn't even think was possible it really does it makes me want to pinch myself sometimes because I was I was a mama's boy I love love love my mom shout out to mom hi mom I like I love her we were like she's like my best friend and you know of course I have that respect for her so there's like certain things I don't talk about but I have made it a safe space for my mom to be herself.
• 31:36
  SPEAKER_01: I allow my mom to come to me and talk about whatever she wants to talk about.
• 31:41
  SPEAKER_01: And I've grown to have that with her too and it shocks me because there's certain things that I didn't think my mom would do for me but she does.
• 31:50
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember I I bring up this particular moment in our life that she bought me a girl track outfit.
• 31:58
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like what like mom buying me a girl outfit like you know and I was just I was shocked because I wasn't expecting that from my mom because you know this was still new to her and when she did like that really touched me like it is the little things that a lot of people don't really know about me that really touched me more than anything a simple gift a simple oh well daughter how you like this brawn panty set how about I get you you know those things in my transition really struck a chord with me when it came to our relationship because I didn't expect that from her but I allowed it and I and I opened it with open arms because I'm like look she could easily just been like I'm not dealing with this you do you but I'ma do me over here.
• 32:45
  SPEAKER_01: You know like any other parent that's in shock and grieving they may not be acceptable of it at first but as time went on she slowly started to open up and I was just like okay I like this I I like this a lot and I think the hardest part for her was when I told her about gender reassignment surgery and that I was very stern with if she would be in my life or not.
• 33:13
  SPEAKER_00: Well that's fine like there's no way to take that back.
• 33:17
  SPEAKER_01: There's no yeah there's no like so she she had jokingly was like I would disown you and I think the response that she got probably startled her a little bit because I was like okay well I said mom if that's what you want to do that's fine.
• 33:31
  SPEAKER_01: Like I'm not gonna I'm not gonna force you to do something you don't want to do but I'm letting you know that I'm doing it.
• 33:36
  SPEAKER_01: And I think this was literally like three weeks before my surgery like I didn't even give her time.
• 33:42
  SPEAKER_01: I was like yes so I got a thing in January and she's like I hope you're not cutting your dick off that was literally our words I was like yeah about that.
• 33:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah in January the month of the balls drop honey they're dropping yeah the balls were dropped so she was and I I think the whole like the whole synosis of it all was they wanted grandkids.
• 34:13
  SPEAKER_01: That was the whole thing.
• 34:14
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like mom I Ben did that like I've been preserved all of that years ago.
• 34:19
  SPEAKER_01: I thought that's what you was worried about girl that was you could have just said that and so we joked about it I was like yeah mom that's you're gonna have grandkids.
• 34:27
  SPEAKER_01: When I don't know but you're gonna have them don't worry about it.
• 34:30
  SPEAKER_01: But yeah they were she was very like concerned about the surgery and I was like mom I know it's a one and done deal like I know what comes with it I understand the risk that comes with it but I need to do this for me.
• 34:44
  SPEAKER_01: Because I'm just I'm just not happy I'm not and I toggle for this for two and a half years of my life went through therapy sessions contemplating non-contemplating and I was just like you know what if it's meant to be it's meant to be I get there my nerves on a thousand I'm getting prepped getting needles in getting IB started and I'm just turning in knots because I'm like this is it there's no going back and if all else fails you have to live with this for the rest of your life and I'm being wheeled into the operating room again with no medicine.
• 35:21
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm feeling the feels and I'm just like all right God I'm looking at the lights getting on this six foot jump on the bed and I'm like all right and this is it this ain't it just take me out while I'm under I don't care what you do I'd rather be asleep just take me out because I don't I don't want to wake up and be in regret I don't want to wake up and something happen.
• 35:45
  SPEAKER_01: Like I don't want to know like if it does just take me out I'm okay I live my life I'm good I'm all right and so when I wake up and the first thing I asked the doctor and my sister my chosen sister that was there at the time shout out to Tiffany.
• 36:02
  SPEAKER_01: I was like so do I have a coochie now and it was like what I was like do I have a coochie like I want to know like was everything okay and it was like yeah everything was a success okay I'm going back to bed that's all I need to hear honey yeah we're good I'm going to we're good I want to know nothing else so that was one of the biggest accomplishments of my life and it has been a success.
• 36:26
  SPEAKER_01: Now has there been complications minor things that can be done worked out with therapy nothing significant but I am truly therapy do you mean mental health therapy or physical therapy?
• 36:38
  SPEAKER_01: Physical therapy so I have to do um pelvic floor therapy because being that I am a biological male which you know that was the funny ish as well that people love to throw up in trans women's faces that we're males like like we're dumb and we're boo-boo-tofu like we would never know what we was born as.
• 36:54
  SPEAKER_01: But anyway, that's the top point.
• 36:56
  SPEAKER_01: But our pelvic floor are not the same as biological women.
• 37:00
  SPEAKER_01: So we have to do therapy to make sure that whenever we do have sexual intercourse that everything is flowing right, that we're good and we're not having pain.
• 37:10
  SPEAKER_01: Scar tissues are now forming in my canal which has to be worked out through therapy in order to achieve maximal results in intercourse which is minor it has kind of limited me into like increasing when it comes to dilation um which we could always talk about that in another episode but I was able to find something to substitute for what I've been using to help stretch Chanel which is her name by the way y'all Chanel is my new hoo ha that's her name because she's luxury.
• 37:38
  SPEAKER_01: And so I have expensive at Barry$39,000 worth but yeah it has really made me comfortable in my skin like you people really don't understand the magnitude when it comes to people who truly want to have gender reassignment surgery and what that feels like to be able to wear dresses with no underwear now and not having to worry about surprising people to be able to fully feel comfortable in bathing suits to be able to fully go to the beach and just be free.
• 38:07
  SPEAKER_01: And that was my most key takeaway of this whole surgery regardless of you know of course the normal like yes I want to be fulfilled in other areas but to truly be comfortable in my skin I have reached that form of magnitude in my life and I love it here.
• 38:25
  SPEAKER_01: I don't regret it I don't regret anything that I've done with this journey I would do this surgery again 10,000 times over if I could I love your one liners the whole like I love it here.
• 38:37
  SPEAKER_02: I love it.
• 38:38
  SPEAKER_00: Brings sucks such a different meaning to me hearing it from you with your there versus your here.
• 38:46
  SPEAKER_00: And I hope my assistant is writing all this shit down because I wanna I'm gonna I'm gonna document this before you do.
• 38:56
  SPEAKER_00: That way when you're like I want to write a book called I Love It Here I'm like not already said it I get royalties at least 10% okay okay we'll put it on the start and get 10% from there.
• 39:06
  SPEAKER_00: There we go.
• 39:07
  SPEAKER_00: Right so okay so uh this may be backtracking a little bit but when you're talking about your mom and and when she surprised you with the the woman gift the female gift even if it was just a bottle of fingernail polish that was like oh I saw this color and thought it looked pretty on you and I bought you this five dollar thing of fingernail polish like that would be a big deal right yeah when you're talking about like panties and bras that's even bigger that's acknowledging something that we've always had fingernails male or female and so what do you think the secret was for her getting there to that point if I had to pinpoint anything because my mom is such a mysterious woman you just never know um but I think it would just be the unconditional love that she has for her kids and I think the well-being and the safety of her kids will always be number one so if I'm and mom if you ever watch this video you have to requote me or you may have to you may have to chime in girl sorry my dad called say that sorry I'm about to call you back I have to send you a voicemail I would have to honestly I have to say just the love honestly or just the bond that we have could be also I really don't know what made her secret sauce of being so cool calm and collective because again my mom's such a mysterious person she doesn't tell us everything so I would just have to go off the slim notion that she loves me that she just loves me and I'm just gonna go with that I'm just gonna stick with that that she just loves me and she wants to see me happy and but I don't think she really knows how big of an impact that was yeah I don't even think we talked about it because I I wanted to be in that moment so much like the little thing that she does for me really touches me in ways that she may not even fathom that it does I love that and just the girl talk even like the girl talks like I'm like she really loves me like she really loves me in real life like this I don't think the love I don't think the love was ever a question right it was it but but she's accepting Audrey yes and she's loving Audrey Audrey yeah and honestly what I hope maybe this is a little selfish of me well no I don't think so but maybe a little is I hope that maybe one day she will be a guest with you on this podcast and maybe she will be surviving ish the son that's transitioning into this beautiful daughter and and how that's okay you know and and what and again I don't know her but just from what you have told me through the years of us knowing each other um and and knowing you and your patience and kindness and your self-awareness but not only just your self-awareness but your awareness of the people around you that also need time and kindness and patience you know and I hate the whole saying of well if people just didn't shove things down our throats I think that's that gets used more than it should.
• 42:42
  SPEAKER_00: I've never known a trans, a black a gay a Latino person ever knock on my door and try to convert me to any of those things.
• 42:54
  SPEAKER_00: I know churches that have religions that have knocked on my door and tried to convert but so so I understand and I have heard stories of this just keeps getting shoved in my face and on my throat and it's it's where you're giving someone an ultimatum kind of and I know it's because the person that's going through this transitioning in their life whether it's transitioning from female to male or male to female or just coming out of the closet as a gay person once you accept yourself, you the general you have a hard time allowing patience for others to accept you.
• 43:43
  SPEAKER_00: And we think because it's us, we're ready what did you have to get ready for?
• 43:48
  SPEAKER_00: I'm the one doing all the hard work just love me.
• 43:50
  SPEAKER_00: And that does sound simple right I mean it it it's it's a legitimate thought process and fight but you knew better than that.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_00: I think that what has what allowed your mom to surprise you with small gifts to bigger gifts to sometimes using your now name versus the name that your birth name.
• 44:14
  SPEAKER_00: Um because I believe if we remember if I remember correctly, some trans people like to say dead name, but you don't like to use you don't say dead name.
• 44:23
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, if if they want to be politically correct, then I'll use it.
• 44:27
  SPEAKER_01: But I mean, I they still use JR.
• 44:29
  SPEAKER_01: So like if we're in mid conversation, my mom's gonna call me JR, which is fine, it's a nickname, technically.
• 44:34
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, it was a nickname, so I don't get offended because it's gonna forever be my nickname.
• 44:38
  SPEAKER_00: So but you don't use if I remember correctly, you didn't like the term dead like it.
• 44:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, and and I mean, I'll respect.
• 44:47
  SPEAKER_00: I don't like it in this conversation because you don't like it, right?
• 44:50
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm supporting you in that.
• 44:51
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if I was talking to someone else that was like, nope, this is a dead name to me, I'm gonna love that for them, right?
• 44:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but I think because of the strength and and fucking courage that you had and the security that you had, of this is my path, and you were more than welcome to be hand in hand with me on it.
• 45:12
  SPEAKER_00: But the fact that you allowed people to be a little behind on the path, but still walk the path with you.
• 45:20
  SPEAKER_00: It's fucking beautiful.
• 45:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I think when I asked you what I you thought the secret was, and of course I loved your answer, and absolutely I think that you're right, and I think that there's another side to it that maybe you were not giving yourself enough credit for, you know, because that's just who we are.
• 45:45
  SPEAKER_00: But you loved yourself enough to allow them time to love you for who you truly are and get to know who you truly are, without making them feel guilt or shame, but with also standing your ground of I have boundaries, I have respect and I have love.
• 46:10
  SPEAKER_00: I want you in my life, I will allow you time to get used to this, but I have boundaries, and I just that that takes a hell of a person.
• 46:23
  SPEAKER_00: I'm very political on my Facebook, and I have to come at things very hard.
• 46:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I think this is a safe place for me to say these things because there's probably a certain demographic that listens to me, so probably relating.
• 46:35
  SPEAKER_00: But you have to shame MAGA in order for MAGA to even listen.
• 46:41
  SPEAKER_00: And even though people make ugly comments or or maybe not make comments at all on my post, my DMs blow up.
• 46:51
  SPEAKER_00: And within an hour conversation with these people and providing facts, they're like, oh well, so the point of me saying this is yesterday, so October 12th, so this was October 11th yesterday.
• 47:04
  SPEAKER_00: But my neighbor, who they're lovely, but they told me they're like, you know, we follow you on Facebook and we see all your posts, and we feel bad because we're Republican.
• 47:16
  SPEAKER_00: And we had a two-hour-long conversation, and I will say they said some things that opened my eyes as far as like how to address, because I do think there's a difference between MAGA Republicans and MAGA Christians versus Republicans that were voting for the Republican Party because it's what they've always done.
• 47:36
  SPEAKER_00: But then there's this other thing, and I and I told them this.
• 47:38
  SPEAKER_00: There's this other thing that that I get hung up on with Donald is he told you.
• 47:46
  SPEAKER_00: He told you what he was gonna do.
• 47:49
  SPEAKER_00: He told you what he was gonna do to my friend who is living in my home that is here on asylum.
• 47:54
  SPEAKER_00: He told you what he was gonna do to me as a gay man.
• 47:58
  SPEAKER_00: He told you what he was gonna do to my friend Audrey.
• 48:02
  SPEAKER_00: He told you.
• 48:05
  SPEAKER_00: And that's where I still get hung up.
• 48:09
  SPEAKER_00: So my question to you, Audrey, is in your class that I've now decided that you're gonna this new business venture that we're going on, do you have a way to teach me to be patient and kind with MAGA?
• 48:21
  SPEAKER_00: Or do we just go hardcore with it?
• 48:25
  SPEAKER_01: I'm one of those, I'm like, look, everybody in this world is gonna have their differences, right?
• 48:32
  SPEAKER_01: We're all gonna have our opinions, we are gonna have our beliefs.
• 48:37
  SPEAKER_01: There is never gonna be a one-sided for all.
• 48:40
  SPEAKER_01: I don't think it will ever in life is gonna be that.
• 48:42
  SPEAKER_01: I have always been a person to I'm willing to listen if you're willing to be acceptive.
• 48:49
  SPEAKER_01: If you're not willing to be receptive of whatever I'm even talking about or you wanting me to receive, then we can't have a conversation.
• 48:58
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm always been an open-minded person.
• 49:00
  SPEAKER_01: I love hearing different people's points of views, people's opinions, because at the end of the day, we can always agree to disagree.
• 49:06
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm fine with that.
• 49:06
  SPEAKER_01: I may not always agree with you, and you may not always agree with me, right?
• 49:10
  SPEAKER_01: We're all we're fine with that.
• 49:12
  SPEAKER_01: It's just the level of respect.
• 49:13
  SPEAKER_01: And what I don't respect is people telling me things without facts.
• 49:18
  SPEAKER_01: If you can specifically show me statistical facts to back up what you're saying, then I'm like, okay, you got it.
• 49:27
  SPEAKER_01: You're right.
• 49:28
  SPEAKER_01: But if you can't show me facts, then what are you talking about?
• 49:32
  SPEAKER_01: And that's why I'm like, I don't really give MAGA a lot of reach because at the end of the day, you're pushing an agenda for something that was back in the 50s, which is still prevalent because our grand our parents are here.
• 49:45
  SPEAKER_01: So we're still here, right?
• 49:47
  SPEAKER_01: They give this notion of whatever they're trying to reign supreme of for whatever reason, okay?
• 49:53
  SPEAKER_01: I don't give them that energy for me.
• 49:55
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna let you talk, I'm gonna let you rant because whatever I say, you're not gonna be receptive of.
• 50:00
  SPEAKER_01: And that's okay.
• 50:01
  SPEAKER_01: But I'm going to find someone that is, whether they're a mega person or not.
• 50:05
  SPEAKER_01: And I think even with with David Kirk, I don't like the man.
• 50:09
  SPEAKER_01: I don't like the man.
• 50:11
  SPEAKER_01: But he was receptive of listening, regardless of his views.
• 50:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 50:15
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, there's a zero that I agree with him on.
• 50:19
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 50:20
  SPEAKER_01: However, he's receptive of listening, and that's the thing.
• 50:23
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I may not change your views, fine.
• 50:27
  SPEAKER_01: I may not change your beliefs, that's fine.
• 50:30
  SPEAKER_01: But if we're able to have a legitimate conversation and you can show me statistical facts to back whatever statement that you're making, and I can, and we just agree to disagree, then I'm fine with that.
• 50:39
  SPEAKER_01: I am okay with that.
• 50:41
  SPEAKER_01: But that's where people need to learn to open up their listening is that they teach you in elementary school, less talking, more listening.
• 50:47
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that's where we feel at.
• 50:49
  SPEAKER_01: I think they feel that part in class that they just so want people to listen to them, but they don't, they're not receptive to listen to us.
• 50:55
  SPEAKER_01: So there are some things you just have to be like, fuck it.
• 50:58
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna say what the fuck I'm gonna say, whether you like it or not.
• 51:01
  SPEAKER_01: And then you just find those that be like, I'm willing to listen.
• 51:04
  SPEAKER_01: I may not change my views, but I'm receptive to listen to what you have to say.
• 51:08
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, okay, then we can have that conversation.
• 51:11
  SPEAKER_01: No, that's not.
• 51:12
  SPEAKER_01: But if you're not gonna listen and you're not gonna be receptive, we're not gonna have this conversation.
• 51:16
  SPEAKER_00: Well, because I'm not a I try to listen.
• 51:23
  SPEAKER_00: And and I feel like I do.
• 51:24
  SPEAKER_00: I think that I have uh I I'm learning with it, right?
• 51:28
  SPEAKER_00: Because in my mind, okay, let me just start with this.
• 51:35
  SPEAKER_00: I survived a brutal hate crime and rape 10 years ago.
• 51:40
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 51:41
  SPEAKER_00: I I started a podcast, I've been loud about it, I um have had all walks of life, all kinds of people where I'm the first platform that they have felt comfortable to share their story with.
• 52:02
  SPEAKER_00: And I went through this phase where I was like, my numbers aren't going up, people don't love me.
• 52:09
  SPEAKER_00: I'm I'm obviously just spending all this money wasting my time.
• 52:12
  SPEAKER_00: But I was wrong.
• 52:14
  SPEAKER_00: There are so many people watching behind the scenes because you know how like on TikTok Lives, you can watch it without joining the live, and so that your numbers aren't calculated.
• 52:23
  SPEAKER_00: Same with like podcasts, the the the statistic report that I get are only people who are downloading the show, not the one that just did a one-time listen.
• 52:34
  SPEAKER_00: And so when I was working with this person that was like, stats show with this, and they were showing me what my true numbers are, and then when when I was speaking with other professionals that were like, David, the type of platform you have announced to yourself that you're being a voice, and so they uh they have comfortability, which is a beautiful thing, to stay behind the scenes and then privately DM you and say, Well, can you find out about this?
• 53:05
  SPEAKER_00: What about this?
• 53:06
  SPEAKER_00: And so I'm front of line battlefield and I'm okay with that.
• 53:12
  SPEAKER_00: And so, so when what really shook me, Audrey is when someone messaged me and was like, I haven't heard you talk much about this Trump administration, but you speak so loudly about sexual assault, and so I would like to know your thoughts.
• 53:30
  SPEAKER_00: They were not trying to be ugly or call me out, they were not trying to tell me to publicly speak.
• 53:33
  SPEAKER_00: They they were they would be fine with the DM, but I was like, you know what?
• 53:37
  SPEAKER_00: They're right.
• 53:40
  SPEAKER_00: And part of me being as loud as I am about where I stand with this administration is part of the fight to not make what happened to me be in vain.
• 53:52
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm assuming, Audrey, that there are so many people from different walks of life that watch you behind the scenes that that you probably get DMs from or emails or from, and you can even go back to your TikTok and see who's watching or or following, and you don't see that person at all, but they're but they're sending you messages because maybe they're a child, maybe they are in some way they're struggling and they're looking at you for guidance.
• 54:20
  SPEAKER_00: And so, how do you still stand so tall and strong, but allow grace for the things that you cannot control?
• 54:33
  SPEAKER_00: Because I think that's the battle that I'm in right now, right?
• 54:36
  SPEAKER_00: I'm either zero or a hundred.
• 54:38
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and I've I've I'm at 500 with where I am politically.
• 54:44
  SPEAKER_00: And honey, I'm right by gas and fuel, but I I feel like I have to fight and I can't find that balance.
• 54:49
  SPEAKER_00: And so I am asking you, and if you're any kind of businesswoman, you're going to give me a little bit of an answer and then say for$299.
• 55:00
  SPEAKER_01: For the strong price of$19.99, we can have a full crash course on how to be demure.
• 55:12
  SPEAKER_01: Good question.
• 55:13
  SPEAKER_01: I think for me, who for so long I didn't have a voice, right?
• 55:19
  SPEAKER_01: For almost 28 years of my life, I did not have a voice.
• 55:24
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't know how to speak up for myself.
• 55:27
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't know how to be strong when people didn't like my responses or my actions to certain things.
• 55:37
  SPEAKER_01: And so I had to allow myself to grow as a human being first before I did anything, any work, right?
• 55:43
  SPEAKER_01: But then I also allowed other people who have the access and opportunities to do the other grunt work.
• 55:52
  SPEAKER_01: Because there's certain places where I feel like I'm not a big advocate as I think I am.
• 55:56
  SPEAKER_01: I was I literally was talking to a friend of mine, her name is Kara.
• 56:00
  SPEAKER_01: Shout out to Kara.
• 56:01
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and I told her, I said, this is what I admire about you because you go do the fight that I wish I had the courage to do.
• 56:07
  SPEAKER_01: You stand up to these processes without a fear in the world.
• 56:11
  SPEAKER_01: My fear is like, dang, what if they trumple me?
• 56:14
  SPEAKER_01: Because one, I'm black.
• 56:14
  SPEAKER_01: So you know, we have white people, I'm black, you're white, you a white trans woman, I'm a black.
• 56:20
  SPEAKER_01: You know, so my thought process is totally different when it comes to protesting and advocacy.
• 56:26
  SPEAKER_01: Because yes, I want to advocate, I want to protest, but then also on the back end, I gotta think about my own personal safety.
• 56:34
  SPEAKER_01: Whereas other races of people that may not think that way has that access and opportunity to do so.
• 56:42
  SPEAKER_01: So I look at it like who do I know can continue to fight where I can still build that foundation to fight for those who are looking to start that fight as well, if that makes sense.
• 56:56
  SPEAKER_01: So the ones that can take the baton and run with it, I can pass on and I can stay back and round up those that are still finding their voice.
• 57:07
  SPEAKER_01: So I stick to my niche.
• 57:08
  SPEAKER_01: There we go.
• 57:09
  SPEAKER_01: That's the answer.
• 57:10
  SPEAKER_01: I stick to my niche so much that it's crazy because I want to, again, be on that pillar and stand in the in the platform of people and publics and and and voice these concerns.
• 57:24
  SPEAKER_01: And I do, depending on the symposium, but you know, I haven't been on Washington or in DC and looking at all of these other advocacies like Hope Giselle and TS Madison going out on these pillars to talk about it.
• 57:39
  SPEAKER_01: You know, Angelica Ross, MJ Rodriguez, just to name a few, they they use their platforms because they have that that access.
• 57:49
  SPEAKER_01: They have the oh, what is the word for it?
• 57:52
  SPEAKER_01: They I want to say they have the persuasion, but they have the influence to have people listen, you know, and I'm still building that.
• 58:00
  SPEAKER_00: Well, and let's be honest, yeah, it takes money to do these things.
• 58:05
  SPEAKER_00: And do.
• 58:05
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, like I still I have a lovely platform.
• 58:09
  SPEAKER_00: And it's funny because like I will get on TikTok, we go live on TikTok several times, and it's like we have the same like seven to 15 people, which are all amazing and they and they tap and they're great.
• 58:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, you know, and how do I get to reach other people?
• 58:25
  SPEAKER_00: Well, then as soon as we log off, we see that our behind the scenes number are completely different because there are people behind the scenes.
• 58:33
  SPEAKER_00: But when you have people that oh uh so I have a day job, I have a nine to five, and I mean you and I are recording on a Sunday evening, and I love that, right?
• 58:48
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what better way to end a crazy ass week than to do every logic?
• 58:53
  SPEAKER_00: But there are these platforms that that have the monetization to be able to reach other people at different time zones, different levels.
• 59:05
  SPEAKER_00: And so, like, I even had this someone reach out to me and they were like, obviously, you're just trying to monetize make money.
• 59:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I will never lie to you about that.
• 59:16
  SPEAKER_00: Because I'm not trying to have a yacht somewhere, I'm trying to reach other people.
• 59:22
  SPEAKER_00: When I'm able to quit my day job and let this be my job to work day and night, I'm able to be out traveling and and sharing because I'm not scared.
• 59:31
  SPEAKER_00: Because I'll tell you this.
• 59:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, when when when this post came out on Facebook that said people talk about if I lived during the Nazi genre, um I would have done this and that and the other.
• 59:49
  SPEAKER_00: And so the question is, okay, here we are.
• 59:51
  SPEAKER_00: So what you doing?
• 59:53
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 59:54
  SPEAKER_01: Nothing.
• 59:55
  SPEAKER_00: It made me realize that I don't want to, but if I died, if I was executed, there are two preachers in Tennessee where I live that um have went viral in the past year of saying gather up any LGBTQIA people and execute them and have it public on television is what Charlie Kirk was fighting for.
• 1:00:24
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 1:00:25
  SPEAKER_00: And these preachers are mega churches or mega churches, like large churches, and some people believe that God told them to say that.
• 1:00:36
  SPEAKER_00: Me walking to my car, me being at a red light on my way to work is life-threatening at this point as a blue dot in a fucking red city.
• 1:00:50
  SPEAKER_00: But you know what?
• 1:00:55
  SPEAKER_00: If I do die for staining up on being loud for people who are victims of sexual assault, for people who are victims of discrimination and hatred.
• 1:01:16
  SPEAKER_00: One thing the hill I will die on is hell if hell is filled with people like me, it can't be that bad of a place.
• 1:01:22
  SPEAKER_01: Amen.
• 1:01:23
  SPEAKER_01: We're gonna be dancing to Beyonce.
• 1:01:25
  SPEAKER_00: Uh-huh.
• 1:01:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I have told people, I said, you know what?
• 1:01:29
  SPEAKER_00: If this happens, I want it to be publicized.
• 1:01:34
  SPEAKER_00: I want you who voted for this, and I want a little bit of grace.
• 1:01:40
  SPEAKER_00: If you voted for this and then realize that it was a lot darker and uglier than you expected, if you use your voice, if you're like, hey, red people, listen to me, I was red until yesterday, that's one thing.
• 1:02:00
  SPEAKER_00: But the people that I've talked to that have been like, I wish he wasn't doing this, you're only saying it to my face in a muffled mic.
• 1:02:10
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 1:02:11
  SPEAKER_00: You're not saying it to where it matters.
• 1:02:13
  SPEAKER_00: And so I if it comes to an execution, I want it to be publicized.
• 1:02:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I have told several people that my hope is that I'm able to put on a t-shirt that has all of your names on it because you all are the ones with your finger on the trigger.
• 1:02:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I fought for you.
• 1:02:40
  SPEAKER_00: I hope that doesn't happen.
• 1:02:42
  SPEAKER_00: But that's where we are right now.
• 1:02:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's crazy.
• 1:02:46
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 1:02:48
  SPEAKER_00: Fuck my ish.
• 1:02:49
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't even um especially in Donald Trump's America, we'll take all the happiness we can get, right?
• 1:02:55
  SPEAKER_01: Amen.
• 1:02:56
  SPEAKER_01: Amen.
• 1:03:00
  SPEAKER_00: You uh told me a couple of things that is new in your life that you're doing, and I I would love to know all about whatever you want to share with us.
• 1:03:11
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 1:03:12
  SPEAKER_01: So, one of the biggest things that I hit on multiple times in this interview was my documentary called Still Here.
• 1:03:20
  SPEAKER_01: And I toggled back and forth because so many people was wanting me to write a second book.
• 1:03:26
  SPEAKER_01: And my second book was called Transition, which was going to literally give the written portion of the transition process of what I went through after my first book.
• 1:03:35
  SPEAKER_01: But I was like, no, you know what?
• 1:03:38
  SPEAKER_01: What better way to just wrap it all in than to do a documentary?
• 1:03:44
  SPEAKER_01: Why not?
• 1:03:45
  SPEAKER_01: Why not do a documentary about my process instead of writing a book?
• 1:03:49
  SPEAKER_01: Because it's more so better to hear it and see it versus reading about it, right?
• 1:03:55
  SPEAKER_01: And so I did a documentary and um I got to see the first episode.
• 1:04:00
  SPEAKER_01: I did seven chapters of it, and so um, I think it's seven or eight.
• 1:04:05
  SPEAKER_01: One of the two.
• 1:04:05
  SPEAKER_01: I think it's just eight, eight chapters.
• 1:04:07
  SPEAKER_01: And so each chapter was talking about like different portions of it while also interviewing three of the very close people that I thought was well suited for this documentary.
• 1:04:18
  SPEAKER_01: My best friend of going on 20 years, he's in the interview, um, Justine Lindsay, which is the very first openly trans woman to be a cheerleader for the Carolina Panthers.
• 1:04:29
  SPEAKER_00: Will you send them my way?
• 1:04:30
  SPEAKER_00: Will you have them be a guest on the show?
• 1:04:32
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I can definitely send her.
• 1:04:35
  SPEAKER_01: Um, she's in there, she's in the show.
• 1:04:37
  SPEAKER_01: I'm actually helping her, whatever, with um a project that she's working on as well.
• 1:04:42
  SPEAKER_01: And my friend Nicole, she is um a cisgendered lesbian, also.
• 1:04:47
  SPEAKER_01: So I kind of have different dynamics of people on the documentary.
• 1:04:52
  SPEAKER_01: And we just talked about, you know, again, surviving through this administration and giving, you know, courage and hope for people that are in your community, whether it's gay, whether it's lesbian, whether it's trans, and giving hope for them.
• 1:05:07
  SPEAKER_01: And so I talked about that.
• 1:05:09
  SPEAKER_01: I talked about my life, I talked about my relationship, I talked about family dynamics, I talked about religion, all of this in a documentary.
• 1:05:17
  SPEAKER_01: I you get to see parts of the journey, um, beginning and end, from all of my cosmetics to the final procedure is in there throughout the visits that I've had prior to my bottom surgery.
• 1:05:27
  SPEAKER_01: And so I'm excited.
• 1:05:29
  SPEAKER_01: Shout out to my videographer, Jules Jeffrey, JT Jules is a company, or JT Visual, excuse me.
• 1:05:36
  SPEAKER_01: So shout out to her.
• 1:05:37
  SPEAKER_01: She did all of the amazing works, and I'm excited.
• 1:05:41
  SPEAKER_01: I I can't wait for it to be published.
• 1:05:42
  SPEAKER_01: I can't wait to have a viewing for everybody to see the final product.
• 1:05:47
  SPEAKER_00: Um keep us posted because the the I have some hardcore listeners and viewers that all we have to do is put in a link and Say, hey, on Discord, we're doing this, and and they're there and they love and support.
• 1:06:05
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and one of the things I wanted to do with it with this new show-ish is have these roundtable discussions.
• 1:06:12
  SPEAKER_00: So once you're getting close to the release date, if you wanted to, if if you're allowed to, I know there's contracts with things and and things are limited.
• 1:06:22
  SPEAKER_00: If you're allowed to, and you and your three or four friends that were a part of the documentary want to do a round table discussion about it before the release to promote, like I would love to have that on my show.
• 1:06:35
  SPEAKER_00: And before we move past that, Audrey, I'm one of your biggest fans.
• 1:06:41
  SPEAKER_00: And in the very first interview we had that led us to this friendship, yes, um, I want to say this does hold up in court, okay?
• 1:06:53
  SPEAKER_00: But I said to you, when there's documentaries and things like that, I have to be a part of it, even if it's just a little bloop as you on on a podcast being mine, and you agree to it, and there's this whole documentary, and I'm I've checked my phone since we've had conversations, I've not had an offer.
• 1:07:18
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so in my defense, I haven't had any, I don't think I have any interviews on any of the documentaries.
• 1:07:27
  SPEAKER_01: What I may end up doing is doing like its own segment videos, but you will have to send me clips of favorite portions of each of our our interviews because I personally don't even have those videos.
• 1:07:39
  SPEAKER_01: So I would have had to reach out to you and a lot of other people because I did a lot of podcasts.
• 1:07:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, mostly mostly.
• 1:07:48
  SPEAKER_00: I know you do a lot of shit, but you reach out to people who got it.
• 1:07:51
  SPEAKER_01: So um, so what I'm gonna do is I can do the previews of like podcasts, and and you have to send me like snippets of portions that I can add to the beginning of the videos um that I can tag on to the to the documentary, like to show like the progressions of interviews that I've done and also put it on TikTok too.
• 1:08:10
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, absolutely.
• 1:08:11
  SPEAKER_00: Um of course I'm totally, totally, and obviously you know I'm totally just being silly and playing.
• 1:08:16
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and and I don't even expect you to do that much.
• 1:08:19
  SPEAKER_00: But if there's anything that that me and in and the survivor community that I have can do, like if I know like uh you probably aren't able to release a lot of things right now that y'all have in the works as far as premieres or whatever, but I know that there have been times that we've been invited to Discord when and we watched the premiere, you know, with the the the people that were involved in the documentary or whatever.
• 1:08:45
  SPEAKER_00: If you do anything like that, if you have any promos, anything if you send it to me and say, hey, this is this, done sending it.
• 1:08:53
  SPEAKER_00: And I love, I would love, love for us to do a couple of TikTok lives and especially getting closer, you know, to this release age.
• 1:09:04
  SPEAKER_00: I of course I'm always gonna make a joke on like, why was I not involved?
• 1:09:08
  SPEAKER_00: But honestly, I don't have a camera face, so I think I I think we both know why I'm not involved.
• 1:09:14
  SPEAKER_00: My voice isn't that great, my face is not that great.
• 1:09:20
  SPEAKER_01: I would say honestly, it was more so this whole documentary literally to talk about, like physically talk about the timeline.
• 1:09:30
  SPEAKER_01: Because I think the only other person that made this documentary in the video briefly were candid pictures from my surgeries and my consoles.
• 1:09:42
  SPEAKER_01: And those those were it.
• 1:09:43
  SPEAKER_01: Other things were just like mock pictures and videos.
• 1:09:48
  SPEAKER_00: So then let's revise the first agreement that we had.
• 1:09:52
  SPEAKER_00: The first agreement was if any documentary was ever made, I was only a part of it.
• 1:09:56
  SPEAKER_00: Obviously, that wasn't true.
• 1:10:02
  SPEAKER_00: So let's revise it as this.
• 1:10:05
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 1:10:06
  SPEAKER_00: Whenever there's a place for me to fit into being a part of sharing your beautiful story, that you know that I'm a safe, loving place, and my listeners are amazing, and we will safely and proudly promote and share.
• 1:10:22
  SPEAKER_00: And and whatever that means for you that you want us to do, we will we will take the Audrey Do list and how many we will fucking do it.
• 1:10:31
  SPEAKER_00: Can that be the new agreement since I think we can you know what?
• 1:10:35
  SPEAKER_01: What I may add on to that is how about this?
• 1:10:38
  SPEAKER_01: I will throw in some tickets for you guys to come see the private viewing for free.
• 1:10:43
  SPEAKER_01: So, yes, I am having a private viewing.
• 1:10:45
  SPEAKER_01: I will send a link.
• 1:10:46
  SPEAKER_01: You guys don't have to worry about purchasing, you just let me know how many people will be there, and I will buy the tickets for you guys as a courtesy of a I owe you.
• 1:10:57
  SPEAKER_00: And of course, I'm telling you, you don't owe me nothing, honey.
• 1:11:01
  SPEAKER_00: You owe me nothing.
• 1:11:03
  SPEAKER_00: Your friendship and and just you sharing like there, there's a I know that you and I have had this conversation, you know, before throughout the years, but what I love about my show is we're so diverse.
• 1:11:19
  SPEAKER_00: We have white, black, gay, straight, trans, like we are a coat of many colors, and we all love and support each other.
• 1:11:30
  SPEAKER_00: And your show is one of my top 10 that has had the most uh your episode rather where I've had the most interaction with people.
• 1:11:41
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 1:11:42
  SPEAKER_00: Um because because one way or another, we are we have a trans person in our life, we have a gay person in our life, we may be a white person with a black friend, or I've even had I've probably had more black people reach out to me of like I've got a white person in my life and I love them, but I don't know what the fuck they're talking about how to dance and they don't know how to dance, you know, like right.
• 1:12:08
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's it's just really cool, like the the demographic that we have, but but you are your episode has been one uh that has just really stood out to people and my listeners, and I appreciate it.
• 1:12:22
  SPEAKER_01: I'm honored.
• 1:12:23
  SPEAKER_01: I I again I'm very humble, so I don't get to see all of the bad things that you see on your end, but I appreciate that all the all your viewers out there love me.
• 1:12:33
  SPEAKER_01: I love y'all.
• 1:12:34
  SPEAKER_01: I ain't met y'all, but I love y'all.
• 1:12:37
  SPEAKER_01: I'm honored to know that my story resonates with so many people and it touches so many people because that's all I wanted to do in my life, was to make sure, like when I leave this world, that I have touched somebody, like I have been able to do what my mission was on earth to do was to spread awareness and hope and love and encouragement that regardless of how different you are, you're still somebody.
• 1:13:04
  SPEAKER_01: No one should take that away from you.
• 1:13:06
  SPEAKER_01: You you are still who you are, you're gonna be forever who you are, and just embrace and being who you are.
• 1:13:12
  SPEAKER_00: I told my the people that are helping with with the show, I refer to them as producers, but that makes me sound bigger than I really am.
• 1:13:20
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm still gonna go with that because you know what?
• 1:13:21
  SPEAKER_00: We'll put it in the universe.
• 1:13:23
  SPEAKER_00: But then you make a list of 10 people that I've had on before that I would like to connect with in person and have a a face-to-face, like where are they now interview?
• 1:13:36
  SPEAKER_00: And you were on that list.
• 1:13:37
  SPEAKER_01: Am I coming to Tennessee?
• 1:13:39
  SPEAKER_00: Either either you're coming to Tennessee or I'm coming to you.
• 1:13:42
  SPEAKER_00: Either way, uh we're gonna meet, it's gonna happen.
• 1:13:46
  SPEAKER_00: I'm excited.
• 1:13:48
  SPEAKER_00: I'll keep you posted with that.
• 1:13:49
  SPEAKER_00: Keep I was posted with the documentary.
• 1:13:51
  SPEAKER_00: So even though I didn't do my ish today, I think that's okay.
• 1:13:56
  SPEAKER_00: Because let's be honest, I think people can figure out my ish within what the shit I talked about.
• 1:14:02
  SPEAKER_00: So to end on a completely different kind of note, and then I'll let you go on the Sunday evening.
• 1:14:09
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna uh I pulled a question from the ish bowl.
• 1:14:12
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 1:14:13
  SPEAKER_00: It's like a rapid fire question, right?
• 1:14:15
  SPEAKER_00: So it's like short answer, long answered, however you want to do it.
• 1:14:19
  SPEAKER_00: But I saw this one, I was like, this one's perfect for Audrey.
• 1:14:24
  SPEAKER_00: So, what is the most judgmental thing you thought while walking through someone else's house?
• 1:14:41
  SPEAKER_01: The most judgmental thing that I saw.
• 1:14:45
  SPEAKER_00: Or that you thought of while you were walking through someone else's house.
• 1:14:49
  SPEAKER_01: Like that's a good question.
• 1:14:51
  SPEAKER_00: Because I really don't be peeping people's stuff like that, like just off rip.
• 1:14:57
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so to maybe help you out, this is what I think of.
• 1:15:00
  SPEAKER_00: You know, you know when you have like potlucks at work?
• 1:15:04
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, there are some people I have been to their house and I will trust eating their potluck at work, and there are some people I've been to their house, and I would not trust eating their potluck at work, or there are some people that I've not been to their house and I'm not gonna eat their fucking potluck because I don't know where your cat has been.
• 1:15:26
  SPEAKER_00: That part of the decorating is like I don't know, like, do you hand wash or dishwash?
• 1:15:31
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I have so many questions, and so so with that in mind, have you ever walked through someone's house for the first time and been like that picture really?
• 1:15:42
  SPEAKER_01: I would have to say if anything, it would be the bathroom.
• 1:15:47
  SPEAKER_01: Like I go to the bathroom and I'll be like, oh so I think you ain't washed your tub in a minute.
• 1:15:55
  SPEAKER_01: Why is there a ring around the toilet?
• 1:15:57
  SPEAKER_01: Why is there a ring around the tub?
• 1:15:58
  SPEAKER_01: Why is the ring around?
• 1:15:59
  SPEAKER_00: So I just be like uh if I have to wipe, if I'm in a private home and I have to stand up to pee, which I do, but if I have to wipe the toilet seat afraid that the next person that comes in the restaurant is gonna think I'm the one that left those marks.
• 1:16:17
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm cleaning up someone else's dried pee because I don't want to be the one the last one to see one, that's a problem.
• 1:16:24
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, absolutely.
• 1:16:26
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 1:16:28
  SPEAKER_00: And it is funny because anytime I've asked this question, it's always been bathroom or food.
• 1:16:33
  SPEAKER_01: Because those are two very important things when it comes it is, I'm gonna say, or if you go through a cabinet and you see food and you see food that has an expiration date of three years, that throws me.
• 1:16:49
  SPEAKER_01: Because I'd be like, So you ain't throw this out.
• 1:16:52
  SPEAKER_00: Which leads us to the topic, not trusting it.
• 1:16:55
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, there it is.
• 1:16:56
  SPEAKER_00: My favorite part is when I first asked this question, I'm like, I don't know.
• 1:17:00
  SPEAKER_01: And then I'm like, but this and this and because you don't really in your head, you don't really think about it subconsciously, because I'd be like, okay, well, I ain't gonna be in this long anyway, so I don't really think about it.
• 1:17:13
  SPEAKER_01: But yeah, like expired food is definitely one I'm judging.
• 1:17:16
  SPEAKER_01: Because why y'all got stuff expired in here?
• 1:17:20
  SPEAKER_01: Or things that have been left in here for months in the fridge, you know, why and in a tub, like the bathroom.
• 1:17:28
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I'm very like, get up.
• 1:17:32
  SPEAKER_00: I love it, I love it.
• 1:17:34
  SPEAKER_00: And Audrey, I freaking love you.
• 1:17:36
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so so much.
• 1:17:38
  SPEAKER_00: You you are one of the first people I connected with when I got into this podcasting world, and and you've uh allowed me and my listeners in on your journey, and you are truly a friend, and I just I love you, I adore you.
• 1:17:53
  SPEAKER_00: Seeing your growth and your transition and into this beautiful person that no doubt you've always been a beautiful person, but but your light gets brighter every day because you're getting to be more and more you every day.
• 1:18:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I stink and love that.
• 1:18:11
  SPEAKER_00: Obviously, there's a lot of other great things in the works.
• 1:18:16
  SPEAKER_00: So I would love to have you back.
• 1:18:19
  SPEAKER_00: And thank you so much for being my friend and you know, when I was a brand new podcaster and and you trusted my platform when there was no no no no reference checks, you know, like you took a risk with me, and and I hope that I've I've uh served you well.
• 1:18:42
  SPEAKER_01: You have, and so before we go, I'm gonna let you be one of the exclusive people to see the first chapter of my documentary.
• 1:18:50
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so I will send it to you via text, and I would love to see your thoughts and hear your thoughts of the chapter.
• 1:18:56
  SPEAKER_01: You won't say nothing else, but you're gonna get the first one.
• 1:18:58
  SPEAKER_01: I give you I give you this first thing, please.
• 1:19:00
  SPEAKER_01: You're literally, I think, the third person that got to see it.
• 1:19:06
  SPEAKER_00: So thank you.
• 1:19:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, well, I will watch, I will send, um, I will keep it private.
• 1:19:11
  SPEAKER_00: I'll do all those things, but keep us posted because we want to love you and support you.
• 1:19:16
  SPEAKER_00: And just thank you for everything, my love.
• 1:19:18
  SPEAKER_00: Enjoy the rest of your Sunday evening.
• 1:19:20
  SPEAKER_01: You too.
• 1:19:21
  SPEAKER_00: And my updated on dates and everything.
• 1:19:24
  SPEAKER_01: I will.
• 1:19:25
  SPEAKER_01: Um, once um she finished my um videographer and director.
• 1:19:29
  SPEAKER_01: Technically, I'm the director, she's video.
• 1:19:31
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know, all the good jazz.
• 1:19:33
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, once she finished everything, my producer uh finished everything, she will let me know, and then I can coincide with our theater because we have like a Charlotte theater here that shows independent films.
• 1:19:43
  SPEAKER_01: And so my goal is to sell it, but I'm I'm my my true true goal is to get to Sundance.
• 1:19:52
  SPEAKER_01: That's where I want my film to be able to do to help.
• 1:19:55
  SPEAKER_00: Because we might be small here, but we are moddy and we are loud.
• 1:19:59
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so do this as as we're logging out.
• 1:20:02
  SPEAKER_00: Tell us where we can find you and support you.
• 1:20:04
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, so you can follow me on TikTok.
• 1:20:07
  SPEAKER_01: It's at three underscores Audrey Nicole, and that's the same as my Instagram.
• 1:20:13
  SPEAKER_01: My Facebook is Audrey Nicole, hence the name of Top.
• 1:20:17
  SPEAKER_01: And you can follow me there.
• 1:20:18
  SPEAKER_01: You should see all of the updates, all of my past posts.
• 1:20:22
  SPEAKER_01: Um, if my Instagram is private, please send me a request because I had to make it private for corporate purposes only, as well as my TikTok.
• 1:20:29
  SPEAKER_01: So just send me a fan request and all of my stuff is there.
• 1:20:33
  SPEAKER_00: All right, my love.
• 1:20:34
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I will share those things.
• 1:20:36
  SPEAKER_00: We love you.
• 1:20:37
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much.
• 1:20:38
  SPEAKER_00: Enjoy your Sunday, and we'll talk to you.