Latest / Uncommon Sense / Uncommon Sense - Ep. 1

Transcript

Uncommon Sense - Ep. 1 · Uncommon Sense

• 0:00
  [music]
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: two, one, hit it.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: Go.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_01: Hello?
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to Kiss My Grits.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Uncommon Sense.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_01: AKA Kiss My Grits.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: AKA.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_01: I don't give a hoot.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: The podcast with three names.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Haley.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_01: And I am the funny one, Joey.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: The maitre d.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_01: The maitre d.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: Joey Williams.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_01: Mungle.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, you just can't like go to the depths of the inside joke right off the bat
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: because we can't go like explaining, you know.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: Haley Williams,
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: Haley Williams,
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: Haley Williams,
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: Haley Williams,
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: Haley Williams,
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: Haley Williams,
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: Haley Williams,
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: Haley Williams,
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_01: Haley Williams,
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_01: Haley Williams, Haley Williams, Haley Williams, Haley Williams, Haley Williams.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_01: Junkle, and then you called me Munkle.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_01: Munkle Moe.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_01: Munkle Moe.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, Uncle Joey because I was kind of an old man.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, right.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_01: They called me Munkle Moe and then you changed it to Munkle.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_01: There you go.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_01: We're a nickname family.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: So we've got Haley Williams and Munkle.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_01: Munkle Williams.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_01: This is starting off great.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: We're off to a solid start.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, moving on.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: What is happening here?
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: What is this?
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: What are we doing?
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: So for seven years I've had Kindled podcast.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: It's been a joy.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not like saying goodbye forever to that.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just saying pause for right now.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: Because For a long time,
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: I have been kind of shifting more towards personally just being interested
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: in focusing on talking about issues within the home.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: You know,
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: for seven years,
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: I spent all of this time and energy and focus talking about worldview conversations,
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: you know, stuff happening out in the world and the culture.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's valuable,
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: breaking down the theology and the beliefs behind Different perspectives.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: And again,
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: I wouldn't take any of that back,
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: but I think all of that kind of equipped me to today now be like,
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: okay, so what is the root cause of all of this?
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: Where does this all begin?
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: Where did we go wrong?
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: When I'm interviewing this woman who came out of Mormonism or
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: when I'm having this conversation on social justice ideology,
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: all of these different conversations and topics that I focused on I see
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: the opportunity and the need for us to just kind of work backwards to
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: where did we go wrong?
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: Where did this infection and this disease kind of take foot in this person's life
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: or mind or heart?
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: And many times it's within their own four walls.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's the screen that they're watching on their phone.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's the fact that they They're not talking with their husband.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: They're not communicating what they're learning or thinking about.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: They're in their own little world, their own bubble.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: They're learning outside of,
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: you know,
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: the church and kind of the spiritual guidance of those that they're to be entrusted
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: to.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: And they are therefore growing in a different direction than they should be.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: And so anyway, I just,
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: that's kind of where I've been leaning and,
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: you know,
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: I guess,
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: developing a stronger desire to build up women within their homes so
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: that they can be better wives and mothers and equip their children
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: and really teach their children well.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: But that obviously requires them to be growing and being transformed by the renewing
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: of their mind, as Romans 12 says.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: So that's my why.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: And I've been asking you for probably years to join me in something like this.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: More specifically,
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: in recent months,
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: I've been throwing the idea around, kind of putting it in front of you.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: You said no.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: Do you want to go into that?
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: You've kind of been like, oh, no, no, no, I don't want to do that.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you finally broke me down.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_01: You just wore me down.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: Be honest.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: No, I mean, I think you have
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_01: a lack of Men are pretty weak nowadays.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_01: Men are pretty afraid to say what needs to be said.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_01: I think it's hilarious that your audience thinks I'm like the greatest thing since sliced bread.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_01: That doesn't make very much sense to me.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_01: But, you know,
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_01: if we can help people,
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_01: then we can help people and not because of like an altruistic Like, oh,
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_01: look at us,
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_01: we're helping people,
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_01: but because that's what the body of Christ is for, is to build each other up, right?
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_01: And kind of,
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_01: if we can say something that sparks a conversation between a husband and wife,
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_01: or you have some men who follow you that,
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_01: you know, want to hear from somebody other than you, then that's great.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_01: You and I kind of agree on everything, so it would just be me saying it.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_01: And yeah, that's it.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_01: And it just, when the mood strikes, the mood strikes.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_01: So here we are.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: And that made me think about when you said, if we can help people, we can help people.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: Like the mission of Kindled was always rooted in Ephesians 4.12.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: I have on my homepage website to equip,
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: our mission is to equip the saints for the work of ministry for building up the body
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: of Christ.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: Speaking the truth in love with boldness, we will grow to become the mature body of Christ.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: So that's Ephesians 4.12 is to equip the saints for the work of ministry,
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: for building up the body of Christ.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: And then 4.15 is growing to the full stature of Christ.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, there's that kind of dual mission there.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: It's like we're equipping Other Christians, so this is a podcast aimed at other believers.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: It's not an evangelism route.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's not outside the church.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: It's for Christians,
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: for those who are professing Christ,
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: those who are wanting to grow in their faith and building them up so
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: that they can become mature, right?
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: So that's kind of the mission.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: It's always been that.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's just I'm focusing,
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: I'm turning my focus and my efforts more towards the home rather than outside of
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: the home.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: Does that make sense?
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_01: It does make sense.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_01: I would also make a little disclaimer that this in no way should replace
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_01: the local body or friends or believers or community in real life.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_01: If you have an issue or you need help or you need prayer or you need advice,
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_01: you need to go to your local church first.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_01: If you don't have a good church, you need to find one.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_01: If you don't have believers who you're surrounded with that know and love you,
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_01: that you trust, you need to find some.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_01: I'm sure Haley has shared resources and stuff about that.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: But that's the thing, too, that
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_01: we run into or you run into a lot.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_01: People are like, I have all these questions.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_01: I have all these things.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_01: And your first comment to them always is, are you in a local church?
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_01: Do you have a small group?
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_01: Do you have an older woman in your life?
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_01: And 95% of the time it's like, oh no, we're this or we're that or excuses or whatever.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_01: And it's like, well.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: Or even real legitimate problems.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: Like people may be in a small town or, I mean,
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: I just today heard from someone who said, I have several people in my church.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: Who fit the description that you gave of your Titus 2 mentors that we will talk about later.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: And she said she's asked them and they are either too tired or too busy.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: And so I think a lot of times in churches,
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: you've got like maybe a few,
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: a handful of these couples and they're tapped out and they really,
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: they may legitimately be tapped out.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: They may be discipling Multiple other young couples or they may be lazy.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_01: They may be the average boomer who doesn't want to do anything for anyone.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_01: That's rude.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: I don't I don't know.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: I just think like we don't we don't know all the circumstances.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: I do know that I've heard legitimate reasons that people are not.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: They don't have what they should have in a perfect world.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: That's because we don't live in a perfect world.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: So that is a reality.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: But what you said is 100% true that this should be happening in the context of the local church.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: That's been my biggest hesitation to even continuing anything online is
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: that I want people to go to their churches.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: I want people to have small groups and be in community.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: The problem is a lot of them are either,
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: you know, not,
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: they don't have those types of churches,
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: like expositional teaching churches,
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: or they are,
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: maybe they're in like a marriage with a husband who won't go to church with them.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: They're on their own.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: They're in a small town.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: They, for any number of reasons, that is difficult.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: And so that's kind of the This is a bit of a niche.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_00: I hope that you don't need this podcast.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you don't need it.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_00: But if you find yourself listening to it and you do need it,
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: I hope we can encourage you for the time that you do.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: I hope we can point you back towards Christ, towards biblical truth.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I hope that ultimately you will get plugged in to a local body and be built up
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: by people who can know you in real life.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and probably a lot of people too are,
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_01: and this is a good segue into our kind of story,
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_01: a lot of people might be in churches like we were
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: back in the day where we
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_01: had
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_01: to kind of go at it our own.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_01: It wasn't something that anybody told us about.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_01: It was, hey,
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_01: we feel this pull,
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_01: we feel a conviction that we need an older couple because You know,
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_01: and you shared it a little bit is your parents' marriage fell apart a year
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_01: into our marriage.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_01: My parents were not people that we were going to look to for guidance or mentorship
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_01: or anything like that.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_01: And so we felt a call and we had to go to our pastor and say, hey, we need this.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't remember if we had to do it multiple times, but then he emailed them.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_01: He connected us to Warden Christie and then it was on us.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_01: Everything was on us.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_01: It was not it was not, hey, here is a group of people.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_01: Pick your flavor.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_01: It was.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_01: I was like,
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_01: here's their email and then we
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: scheduled a meeting at the window of
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: the childcare room they were serving in that Sunday because they were serving
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: in kids ministry.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: They were like,
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: we're going to be in this room,
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: come by and you can meet us and then we'll connect with you and we'll have you over
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: for dinner.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: Anyways.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: We're going over a lot of details, and I know that there's a lot here to unpack.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_00: This is only episode one or an introduction,
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_00: so we'll be digging into more of these stories and conversations from,
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: yes, divorce, marriage, stop.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: You can't see the faces he's making.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_00: Divorce,
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_00: marriage,
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: discipleship, all of the things, all the topics that we're bringing up, obviously.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: That discipleship that we had from Warden Christie in the absence of having it
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: in our own families,
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_00: which is I think the goal,
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: of course,
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: like you hope that you have godly parents that you can look to and godly parents
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_00: with a marriage that is exemplary and one that you want to mimic and all
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_00: of these wonderful things that you can see and go,
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: man, I want that and they had that so they can help me.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_00: They can give me wisdom and advice and yet like I would say the majority
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: of Christians today would not be able to say that.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: They could not say that that was true of them.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_00: And many of us,
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_00: because of,
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: you know,
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: people our age,
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_00: millennials,
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: are coming out of broken homes, divorced, parents who did not stay together.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: Either they were divorced early on in these people's lives or even much later,
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_00: like mine were, 25 plus years of marriage and then, you know,
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_01: See ya.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_00: Moved on.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: I did my time.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going to go be happy now.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_00: And we've walked through that.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: We've experienced that.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: We know what that's like.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_00: And we know what it's like to not have a perfect example or model and have to go
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_00: after it and look ourselves.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: And thankfully, we did find some people in our local church who could do that.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_00: But even that story in and of itself has kind of a sad, hard ending.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_00: Because Ward passed away a couple of years ago, several years ago now from a brain tumor.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know,
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_00: it didn't,
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_00: we live in a fallen world where people get sick and get cancer and pass away.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_00: And thankfully he of course knew the Lord,
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_00: but it's not like every,
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: you know, we didn't find them and we're still meeting with them every week now.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_00: It's like there's brokenness around every single corner.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_00: Of this situation and of the reality of like being married,
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_00: being believers,
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_00: seeking to live uprightly,
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_00: seeking to be strengthened and have iron sharpening iron type relationships.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_00: It's very difficult.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_00: It's very hard, even for us being in solid churches.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: Right now, our last one went downhill.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_00: But we've been in a solid church now for six, almost seven years.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I would say it's still a challenge.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_01: And even there,
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_01: we had to seek out older couples because it wasn't something that was like,
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_01: again, it wasn't a
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_00: like, hey, here's your older couple.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_00: Even where?
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_01: Even at our current church, we had to seek it out, right?
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_01: With Doug and Laura.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's like,
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_00: even then,
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_00: it's not like a,
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_01: hey, you're married and under the age of 35, here's your older couple.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_01: No, that's not how it works.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_01: So, all that to say is like,
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_01: there is work that needs to be done on,
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_01: you have to work at it,
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_01: you have to want it,
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_01: you have to understand that it is God's design,
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_01: hence why Titus 2 exists for both men and women.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_01: To have older believers who are,
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_01: and we're not,
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_01: when we say older believers too, we are not talking specifically about age.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_01: We can be talking about number of years that are married.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_01: We can talk about life experience that have happened.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_00: Number of years you've been a Christian, following Jesus.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, any of that.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_01: And that's where we kind of see Kind of a fun,
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_01: a cool thing that we can do and say, hey, we've been married 15 years.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_01: We've each on our own been following the Lord, you know, 30 plus, 20, 25 plus years.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_01: If you've been married 10 years, like we're a little bit ahead of you.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_01: Or if you have younger kids than ours, we might be a little bit ahead of you.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_01: There's something to be learned in all aspects.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_01: And then at the same time,
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_01: we are continuing to learn From people who are a few steps ahead of us, right?
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_01: We had a really cool small group last semester where we kind of started saying,
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_01: hey, we want to be a little bit more intentional with pouring into younger couples.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_01: We should share
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_00: about that.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_01: Well, yeah.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_01: Go ahead.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_01: And our thought was, hey, that's amazing.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_01: Let's find some younger couples in the church.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_01: But then we started thinking, well,
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_01: younger couples would also benefit from hearing from people
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_01: who have been married longer than us.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_01: And so we got one couple that had been married 20 years to join us and
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_01: then another couple who had been married 25 years to join us.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_01: And so we went through a marriage book called When Sinners Say I Do,
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_01: which is an awesome book that if you haven't read it, you definitely should.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_01: But it was really awesome.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_01: We had three couples,
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_01: young couples who had only been Gen Zers who,
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_01: you know,
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_01: I think the longest marriage of that group was like three years or something like
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_01: that.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_01: And we got to just kind of walk with them and share with them and also be super,
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_01: be encouraged by them because actually they're,
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_01: it's like if I was 25 and married and thinking like these couples were and had
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_01: the zealousness for the Lord, our marriage would be even better than it is now.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_01: But it was really cool.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_01: So like,
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know where I was going with that,
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_01: but maybe Just that it is not always, it is, hey, you're always going to be once.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_00: We're all in front of someone.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, we're all, everyone is a few steps ahead of someone else.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_00: And this idea of Titus 2, like,
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_00: it doesn't just mean,
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_00: of course,
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_00: there is wisdom with gray hair,
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: but it doesn't just mean only gray hairs to carry the responsibility.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_00: I think we can sometimes,
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_00: like you said something about boomers earlier,
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's kind of a joke that people,
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_00: like, it's, you know, it's a stereotype, right?
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_00: That generation that they're kind of tapped out.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_00: They're just checked out.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_00: And that's true for a lot of people.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sure there's people listening who are like, yep, that's my parents.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_00: That's my mother.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_00: They did their time and they're now, you know.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_01: Well, we have that in our own life.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_00: Like we understand that.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_00: But at the same time,
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_00: there's also that can make you think that you are justified in being a victim of
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_00: that and that you don't have to do anything because people aren't available for you.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I don't have anyone to Carry the weight.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_00: Well, then you're going to have to carry extra weight.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_00: You're going to have to carry the weight of those who should have come before you
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_00: and those who come after you.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_00: So you're going to have to, as LaTosha Morrison would say, be the bridge.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_00: You're going to have to carry that weight in a way that you maybe shouldn't have to,
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_00: but you may have to and you just have to suck it up and Now do better
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_00: for your children.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_01: Other people's failure to the call does not mitigate your calling.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_01: Remove your responsibility and your calling.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_00: So back when we did premarital counseling at our former church,
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_00: before we got married, we went through like a group class and we loved it.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_00: It was, I think it was Paul David Tripp, like video series.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_01: And then we did the one with Tony as well.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, some in-person videos and discussion and answering questions and all that.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_00: And then we did some with the man that married us, Joey's youth pastor growing up.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_00: And so we had a lot of like prep time,
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_00: but I think all of that really,
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_00: I remember us having conversations outside of it saying, this was so cool.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_00: Like we would love,
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_00: you know,
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_00: I was like 23 at the time,
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_00: you were 25,
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_00: saying, we just said, we would love to be able to do this for others someday.
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_00: We were like, maybe when we've been married like-
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_01: 30 years.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_00: 15, 20, 30 years, like we could do this.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember that distinctly because I thought this was so impactful for us to get
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_00: to have intentional conversations,
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_00: talk about things,
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_00: talk about our families of origin,
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_00: our expectations around marriage,
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_00: have conversations about what we wanted our life to look like,
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_00: what our beliefs were, how we wanted to raise our children, all these things.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not as though those things were ever set in stone and they never changed,
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_00: but like the fact that we even started communicating and having conversations
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_00: about those types of things has,
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_00: I think, impacted our marriage in the long run because we still do that.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_00: It established, I think, an expectation, a pattern for us.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_00: Like we talk about everything.
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_00: It's also our personalities, but we do talk about literally everything.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_00: And that can be its own episode.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_00: The premarital counseling was one of those moments that was,
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_00: I think, kind of a milestone or like if I could pinpoint.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_01: A seed was planted.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, like a stone of remembrance, you know, like the Bible story.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_01: An Ebenezer.
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_00: Like one of those moments that you look back on,
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_00: you don't realize that you're going to remember it.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_00: And then years later, you do remember it and recall it and go, that is now coming back up.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_00: Here we are 15 years later and we feel called to young married couples.
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_00: And what you said earlier was when we felt that,
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_00: you know, man, we've been married 15 years, maybe it's time that we could do that.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_00: We could actually pour into some of those Gen Z couples who have been married three years.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_00: And are just now trying to get pregnant and just now having their first baby
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_00: and we're having an almost 12 year old, you know.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_01: And just now starting to have legitimately difficult parental relationship issues.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_00: What do you mean?
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_01: What do you mean what I mean?
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_01: When people start having babies is when the in-law issues start to get the boundaries.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I thought you meant us.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_01: No, no, no, no, no.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_01: Others.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_01: Helping people through parental boundaries.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_00: They're dealing with the first phase of like,
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_00: okay, the honeymoon's over and now people want to control your holidays or whatever.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_00: And so when we had that kind of,
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_00: I think,
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_00: thought,
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_00: it was probably last summer when we had our Oh,
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_00: well, this summer was 15 years, right?
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_00: So I don't know, maybe we talked about this, I guess, a year ago, around 14 years.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_01: We took a break from small group because
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_00: we had a baby.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, right, right.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_01: And then because we were leading a traditional small group,
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_01: and then we took a break when Sunday was born.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_01: And then as we were looking to get back into small group leadership,
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_01: because you should be,
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_01: we both felt the call to say,
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_01: hey, I don't think I want to do a traditional small group anymore.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_00: Or just like we want our focus to be, yeah, topical.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_01: It's time to jump into this.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_01: Specify.
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_00: But you made a good point of saying our first, the first place we went was not the internet.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_00: You know,
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_00: the first place we went was our church and like,
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_00: how can we, can we have a focused small group on this topic?
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_01: Is this a need?
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_00: Do we have young couples?
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_00: Can we do this?
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_00: Can we meet that need?
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_00: Can we, you know, come alongside them and Link arms and say, hey, we're here.
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_00: Come to our home.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_00: Meet our children.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_00: Be a part of our life.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_00: Let us exchange numbers and be in a group text.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_00: And when you have prayer requests, you message us.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_00: When you need a meal after you have a baby, we're the people setting up the meal train.
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_00: We didn't go online.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what we're trying to kind of emphasize is the internet should never be
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_00: the first place that you're taking any of this.
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_00: But it should be the overflow of what is happening in your real life.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_00: And so, again, that group was over a year ago.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_00: And now we're in year two of continuing on with those couples.
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_00: And now I'm meeting with just the women,
• 24:17
  SPEAKER_00: you're meeting with just the men, and we're doing it a little different in the fall.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_00: But, you know, I think it's important to say The internet is not the ultimate finale.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_00: It's not the ultimate expression of godly discipleship.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that is one concern I have with a lot of the voices out there right now
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_00: in this subject area is that it's almost like the internet is the finale,
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_00: the grand finale of everything.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's the culmination of discipleship.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_00: I hope that we will be people who will always be pointing back to the local church
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_00: and pointing you back to your pastors and the people who know you in real life.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, I hope that...
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not saying... We pray
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_01: that you have that too.
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_01: And if you don't, that you can find it and you desire it and you long for it.
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_01: So many times in our life, well,
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_01: not that many,
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_01: but like I remember when We were on the pack to leaving our old church
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_01: and found our new church.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_01: We were both like separately and together just hungry for church,
• 25:33
  SPEAKER_01: hungry for the community,
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_01: hungry for preaching, hungry for small group, hungry for that, hungry for the body.
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_01: And that's what I think our prayer is always going to be for people is like
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_01: that you're hungry for the body of Christ at the local level.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_01: You're more hungry for real life relationships than you are to listen to us.
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_01: That is the key.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_00: Because I think a certain level of dysfunction or parasocial relationships can Enter
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_00: in when you think that someone online who you're never gonna meet in real life,
• 26:11
  SPEAKER_00: you're never gonna like be in their home when you think they are your mentor.
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_00: Like that is a problem.
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't mean you cannot learn from people online,
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_00: but they shouldn't, nobody should be your guru.
• 26:23
  SPEAKER_00: You know, don't have a guru.
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, Tony.
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_01: Like in real life.
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_00: Robbins, Robbins, I don't know.
• 26:31
  SPEAKER_00: But like,
• 26:31
  SPEAKER_00: that's the thing is just,
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_00: you know,
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_00: We all have a tendency to pick our favorite people and it's not
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_00: that I don't have favorite podcasts.
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_00: I love Steve Dace or I love Lisa Childers or any number of people that I enjoy
• 26:43
  SPEAKER_00: and that's fine and good.
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_00: But I think we have to watch where we are going for our
• 26:53
  SPEAKER_00: discipleship and truth
• 26:54
  SPEAKER_00: and primary sources, I guess.
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_01: Well, and something someone said to you too,
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_01: which will just, this is just going to be an episode of disclaimers, I think.
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_01: Someone said like, hey, I'm excited about this.
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_01: It's so needed because so many of the couples podcasts out there require
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_01: so much discernment, right?
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_01: And I think a disclaimer I would say is discernment is God given.
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_01: It's the Holy Spirit gives you discernment for a reason.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_01: Continue to use discernment even with us.
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_01: Check everything we said through the scriptures.
• 27:26
  SPEAKER_01: Don't check your discernment at the door here.
• 27:28
  SPEAKER_01: Right, exactly.
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_01: And hopefully we will do a good job of being careful.
• 27:33
  SPEAKER_01: I kind of put my foot in my mouth a lot of times, so you
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_00: can help me with that.
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_01: But yeah, don't check your discernment at the door when you're listening.
• 27:43
  SPEAKER_01: Hopefully we do a good job.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_01: But always check.
• 27:47
  SPEAKER_01: And it's like our pastor even says this too.
• 27:50
  SPEAKER_01: He's like, Check everything I say through the scripture.
• 27:54
  SPEAKER_01: If it doesn't line up, email me and we'll discuss it.
• 27:58
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah.
• 28:00
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 28:01
  SPEAKER_00: So there you have it.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_00: There you have it.
• 28:04
  SPEAKER_00: We hope, I mean,
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_00: I think it goes without saying,
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_00: this is going to be a place that you will hear what should be common sense,
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_00: but is actually uncommon sense.
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, that's, it's, I don't know how else to put it, but I just am like, We're normal.
• 28:21
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 28:21
  SPEAKER_00: I guess we're not normal.
• 28:22
  SPEAKER_01: No, no, that's not true.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_00: We're normal.
• 28:25
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like I want to say we're normal Christian people, but I know... No, also not true.
• 28:30
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, but why not?
• 28:31
  SPEAKER_00: Because that's how I want to put it.
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_01: Because the majority of American Christians have abandoned...
• 28:38
  SPEAKER_00: Well, right.
• 28:39
  SPEAKER_00: I know.
• 28:39
  SPEAKER_00: So I know that.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_00: But you know what I'm trying to say?
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_00: We are... We are...
• 28:46
  SPEAKER_00: Not weirdos.
• 28:48
  SPEAKER_00: We're not crazy.
• 28:48
  SPEAKER_00: We're not hyper extreme in any direction.
• 28:52
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, sure.
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_01: Again, comparatively we are.
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_01: It's just the same thing with like,
• 29:01
  SPEAKER_01: you know,
• 29:01
  SPEAKER_01: they use that saying that like the Democrats of the 1950s would be
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_01: the conservatives today.
• 29:07
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 29:07
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_01: Like, it's kind of the same thing.
• 29:09
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, we're not weirdos.
• 29:12
  SPEAKER_01: What I mean, okay, let me give you a
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_00: better description.
• 29:15
  SPEAKER_00: Let's hear it.
• 29:15
  SPEAKER_00: Within conservative Christian commentary around the issues that we are discussing
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_00: on this podcast, we are not extreme.
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_00: We're not a hyper group.
• 29:27
  SPEAKER_00: We're not hyper patriarchy.
• 29:29
  SPEAKER_00: We're not hyper liberal.
• 29:31
  SPEAKER_00: We're not super left.
• 29:33
  SPEAKER_00: We're not The furthest right you could get in any one of these kind of subgroups.
• 29:38
  SPEAKER_01: We might be really far right.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_01: Unless it comes to like who can marry our kids.
• 29:45
  SPEAKER_01: That might be.
• 29:48
  SPEAKER_00: See, and even when you say that,
• 29:50
  SPEAKER_00: people probably think you're talking about like skin color because you just said,
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_00: yeah.
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_01: What?
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_00: No, but that's what I'm saying.
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think you're in touch with these
• 30:01
  SPEAKER_01: conversations.
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_00: Joey's not in the depths of these conversations.
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna be a splash of cold water onto people's faces.
• 30:09
  SPEAKER_00: Joey is not embedded in super far-right Christian subculture.
• 30:14
  SPEAKER_00: He's just not.
• 30:15
  SPEAKER_01: I have better things to do, like have a job.
• 30:18
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 30:19
  SPEAKER_00: My point is we are not those types of things.
• 30:24
  SPEAKER_01: Correct.
• 30:26
  SPEAKER_01: It's gonna be fun.
• 30:27
  SPEAKER_01: It's gonna be a joy.
• 30:28
  SPEAKER_01: Feels fun already.
• 30:29
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, totally.
• 30:30
  SPEAKER_01: Kiss my grits.
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_01: This is gonna be fun.
• 30:32
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my goodness.
• 30:35
  SPEAKER_01: And you know what?
• 30:36
  SPEAKER_01: If you don't like it, I don't give a who.
• 30:42
  SPEAKER_01: Well, signing off.
• 30:44
  SPEAKER_01: Signing off.
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_00: This has been your first episode of Uncommon Sense.
• 30:51
  SPEAKER_01: Also known as Kiss My Grits.