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Can being in a relationship with a narcissist turn you into a narcissist? · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  So can being with a narcissist turn you into a narcissist?
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  That's what we're talking about today, y'all.
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  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a clinically diagnosed narcissist and welcome to
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  another episode of The Narcissist Code.
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  Boom. Welcome back folks, welcome
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  back, welcome back. So yes, can Bean with a
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  narcissist turn you into a narcissist?
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  Like can you can you what what happens?
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  Is this possible? Because this is what I hear so
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  much from people in toxic relationships.
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  You know, in my support group called the mental healers.
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  Check the Ling out in my bio and also do my one-on-one coaching.
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  I hear this a lot Lee. I think I'm the narcissist.
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  I've been with this person so long that I think I might be the
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  narcissist now or I might be turning it into one.
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  I never act like this before, but now I'm acting like them.
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  I act a lot like them. My behaviors has changed.
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  I feel like I'm going crazy. You know, this literally
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  happened the other night in my in my support group on our
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  weekly zoom meetings. This literally happened the
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  other night like a woman. She started crying because she
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  felt like she was going crazy because now she felt like the
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  narcissist because she felt like her behaviors have shit that she
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  felt like she was starting to display some toxic traits.
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  So can't be with a narcissist turn you into a full-fledged
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  narcissist? No, it can't turn you into a
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  full-fledged narcissist narcissism.
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  You know the, the person I did is well, you can't get that from
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  being with a narcissist. But can you start acting
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  narcissistic? Yes, you can.
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  You can absolutely start to act narcissistic from being in a
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  toxic relationship with a narcissist for long enough.
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  Like it's not like a you can't become a full-fledged like
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  narcissist. Like say you're not going to
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  have the personality disorder. You not like say it's not like
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  being bit by a vampire. I know a lot of people consider
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  narcissists emotional vampires like like like you don't have
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  vampires bite you. And then if they don't take you,
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  if they don't, if they don't take you up here out, if they
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  don't alive you, you become a vampire.
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  Yeah. It's not like that.
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  You won't become a vampire. Like they don't bite you on the
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  neck and then you become a narcissist.
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  It doesn't work that way. It doesn't transfer that way.
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  It's just like you start acting like them to protect yourself
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  from them. You might.
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  Yeah, you might. Like honesty might have been the
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  best policy for you for a long time.
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  And then you picked up what they call narcissistic fleas.
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  You know, narcissistic fleas. Or when you pick up the traits
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  from a narcissist, you start acting like them.
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  So you might have honesty might have been the best policy for
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  you for the most of your life, right?
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  You might have been honest. What have got honest Abe?
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  You know, I mean, you might have had honesty is your best policy
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  for the entire for most of your life, but now you've been around
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  this lying manipulator for a year, two years, 10 years, 20
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  years, and now you'd be lying all the time.
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  You catch your like you'd be catching yourself in a lot like
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  lying becomes second nature to you now because you feel like
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  you can't tell this person the truth because the truth gets you
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  hurt in these relationships. If I tell them that I, you know,
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  what happened, they're going to they might beat me.
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  They might, you know, I might. Some some things might happen to
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  me. So it's just like in your mind,
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  no, you don't want to deal with it.
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  You don't want to battle that. You don't want to have this,
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  this be a part of you, right? You don't want to be a part like
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  so you lie, you become a manipulator.
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  Sometimes you pick up these traits from being around them so
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  long because now it's the fence mechanism.
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  You know, you ever hear the phrase when people say y'all
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  been together so long, y'all start to look alike.
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  The same thing applies to behaviors.
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  You have been around this person so much that you might start
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  picking up on their behaviors. You know what I mean?
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  Some people in these relationships, I'm just telling
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  you and I know people, this is not an excuse for cheating, but
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  some people start to cheat. You start to emotionally
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  disconnect from your partner and you started like I've been
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  cheating on 20 times and I'm still with this person that made
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  me feel like it's my fault. So now I cheated.
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  Now I feel like the narcissist 20 years in, I've cheated.
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  I'm telling you, you start to act like them, you start to
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  behave like them and it could be debilitating when you think you
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  are the narcissist, when you think you are the narcissist, it
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  can absolutely be like a mentally self destructing, a
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  mentally destructive thing that you, when you start thinking
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  that you are the narcissist, you'd be like, man, damn, I'm
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  toxic. I I need to go to therapy, I
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  need to go get help. I feel like I'm going crazy.
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  I need to go get medicated and guess what happens?
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  If somehow they convinced you that you are the narcissist in
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  this situation, guess what happens?
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  You end up going to therapy and they don't.
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  You end up going to therapy thinking that you're toxic and
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  they don't. And guess what happens?
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  The fact that you're in therapy in their minds gives them an
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  excuse to tell people like, hey, my partner is crazy.
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  My, my ex is crazy. My this is crazy.
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  You see what I'm saying? Because you're the one in
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  therapy, You're the one in therapy and whatnot.
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  So it happens in these spaces to so many people and I just want
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  y'all to win. Like I'll be wanting y'all to
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  win so damn bad. It happens in these spaces that
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  people go to therapy thinking that they are the narcissist and
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  end up like, wait, did you tell your story to the therapist?
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  You tell the truth to the therapist and the therapist.
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  Like what you say? What happened?
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  And yeah, even like I've had one on ones before with people.
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  I have a coaching session with people before what they say.
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  Lee, I think I'm a narcissist. I just feel like I'm going
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  crazy. I don't want to be this way.
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  You are self aware narcissist. Can you teach me how to be self
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  aware? I'm like, OK, tell me the truth
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  about what's going on. How we how did we get here?
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  Well, my partner has been cheated on me and I'm like, OK.
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  And what else? Well, my partner's been cheating
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  on me and I went through their phone.
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  I hired a private investigator because they've been like, I
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  feel like they've been lying to me and I hired a private
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  investigator. I went through their phone.
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  I just been, I've been losing it.
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  And when I caught them, the private investigator found out.
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  I showed them the proof and they told me that I was a stalker.
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  They told me that I'm crazy for going through their emails and
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  going through their phone and stuff like that.
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  They told me that I'm narcissistic for doing that.
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  I was like, wait, what? But they were cheating.
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  Were they cheating? Yes.
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  Oh, how do they make you a nurses?
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  Because I went through their phone.
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  I'm like, and I've been lying to them about, you know, they asked
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  me, did I hire a private investigator or did I, what did
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  I spend this money on? I lied about what I spent the
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  money on. It was really a private
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  investigator. I told him it was an accountant
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  or whatever to help us manage our money better.
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  So I'm a liar and I'm a stalker. I was like, oh, oh, Yikes.
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  I think we need to have another conversation.
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  And they were like, what are you talking about?
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  Like you had a reason to be suspicious.
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  Like you went through their phone because you didn't trust
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  them. And of course they lied to you
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  about what you found on their phone.
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  And you, you feel like you were going crazy, so you hired a
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  private investigator to validate you.
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  You got their validation. And they made you feel like a
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  stalker for going for doing that.
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  They made you feel like you're going crazy by doing that.
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  So wait, I'm not a narcissist for going through their phone?
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  No, I'm not a narcissist behind a property investigator, even
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  though they were cheating and I knew that they were cheating
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  from the when I went through their phone.
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  No, so I'm not a stalker. I'm not controlling for asking
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  them what they are at 2:30 in the morning, why they come home
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  so late. No.
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  So what are you saying, Lee? I'm not saying your partner is
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  the narcissist, but that's what narcissist do.
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  They convince the other person they're narcissistic and they
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  were like wait what? No I'm like yes no, yes, no,
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  yes. I've helped people.
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  Y'all don't understand. I mean people I've helped
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  breakthrough those situations right there when they're feeling
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  lost and they're feeling hurt and they're feeling so confused
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  like they're feeling and stuff right there.
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  That's what I've heard. That's the type of stuff that be
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  going on right there. That's the type of stuff that
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  people battle. Like the narcissist convinces
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  you that you're a narcissist for holding them accountable for
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  their narcissism. It's crazy.
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  Yeah, it's insane. You're holding them accountable.
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  They try to gaslight you, you, you.
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  You go to the next level of accountability.
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  They try to manipulate you. They convince you that you're a
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  narcissist. So can you start to think that
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  you're a narcissist? Yes.
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  Can they absolutely turn you into a full-fledged narcissist?
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  I don't think so. I think it's like you can pick
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  up some traits, you can pick up some trash.
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  You know, when fleas bite you, they they leave bucks, you start
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  to itch. You might be itching, you might
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  have a little itch right here. You might have a little toxic
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  itch from toxic itch from dealing with this narcissistic
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  person. But that's how it goes.
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  The longer you are in this relationship, the more you can
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  start to act like them, the more you can feel like you're turning
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  into them. You know, getting away from them
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  or you know not not everybody leaves the relationship.
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  So leave. What if we don't want to leave?
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  How can we get them get get away from these fleas?
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  How can we stop acting like them?
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  Give yourself some space from them.
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  I'm not telling you to get separated, but I'm telling you
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  to do something throughout the day for yourself to to ground
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  yourself get grounded. I talk about this in my my
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  support groups a lot. Getting grounded, going outside
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  when you feeling gas, like you feeling confused, take your
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  shoes off, go outside and literally touch the pavement.
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  I know somebody, I don't live around the grass.
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  If you have some grassy areas, go put your foot in the grass,
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  grip the grass with your toes, close your eyes and take a deep
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  breath. Let the sun or the rain or
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  whatever's outside hit you. Ground yourself like you're
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  reading right now. When you have your feet
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  connecting directly to the ground with no shoes on, it
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  helps you connect to the earth. It helps ground you, helps you
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  feel rooted and rooted in reality.
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  You want to be rooted in reality, narcissistic people,
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  your reality. You being rooted in reality
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  doesn't benefit a narcissist. Y'all let's keep it high.
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  You being rooted in reality doesn't benefit them in any way.
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  It benefits them for you to be confused.
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  It benefits them to think that you are the narcissist.
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  It benefits them for you to feel like you turned into them, like
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  you're worse than them. Right?
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  And the crazy thing about it is sometimes you might look worse
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  than them when you saw the act like them.
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  So now you take it to the next level.
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  They are emotionally abuse. Let's just say they're
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  emotionally abusive to you, right?
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  You start act like him, you pick up on their trace and behaviors
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  and guess what happens? You take it to the next level.
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  They they trigger you and you haul off and hit them.
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  Now you, now you look, now you look like a physical abuser.
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  I'm not saying you are. I'm just saying you look
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  physically abusive. Now that's react.
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  That could be reactive abuse because you're reacting to a
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  trigger. They've triggered you.
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  Now you react to them. They've been poking you and
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  pride of you. Now you react to them.
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  Now you look like the abuser. Now you feel like the
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  narcissist. Lately I think I'm a narcissist
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  because I've been swinging on. I've been throwing stuff at
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  them. Dig deeper y'all dig deeper
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  beneath the level like this is you don't like surface level
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  narcissism. You want to dig beneath the
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  level you got the you have a shovel.
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  These channels like mine are in other other helpful channels out
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  there. These channels are helping dig
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  beneath the surface. These channels help you dig
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  deeper into yourself, help you become rooted in reality.
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  They help you understand what you're going through, what
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  you've been through, and they help you give what I call, I
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  know I'm going to say a narcissistic flea bath, right?
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  Because the more you get away from them, the more you become
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  rooted in reality. It's like you give yourself a
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  flea bath and the fleas start jumping off of you on their own
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  like that, like these that these channels are like a flea collar
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  like you were, you know, like a flea collar around your neck.
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  This this is these channels are, are are doing right here, right?
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  These channels help you put that flea collar on your neck and
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  help the fleas bounce off of it, help you maintain who you
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  actually are and not be more like them to survive.
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  You know, you become you get rooted in reality, you become
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  more like yourself. You become more genuine to
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  yourself and things like that. Yeah, so it cannot turn you into
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  a full-fledged narcissist, but you can pick up some traits.
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  You can start to look narcissistic.
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  I'm telling you, you want to do that.
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  When you once you started to act like this, you don't want to
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  keep going into those behaviors. You want to just let me stop
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  doing this. I got to be me.
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  You have to be you being you is the more powerful.
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  It's way more powerful to be in becoming them to protect
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  yourself against them. Keep learning.
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  You know make sure you subscribe to this channel.
• 12:29
  Y'all appreciate every single one of y'all.
• 12:30
  Check out joining the support groups.
• 12:32
  You know the support groups are there.
• 12:33
  They help you. They help you thrive and survive
• 12:35
  y'all. And right now, as of July 23rd,
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  my Facebook is still hacked. Once it is, hopefully I'll get
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  it back soon. Y'all, I'm working on it right
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  now. They're posting craziness is not
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  me posting those videos. Like if y'all follow me on
• 12:47
  Facebook, please comment in the comment section of some of those
• 12:50
  videos that people are getting angry at, which is a hey, this
• 12:52
  is not Lee. His account is hacked because
• 12:54
  they're they they're literally posting videos to trigger
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  survivors. You mean trigger domestic
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  violence victims on my page. And this is like if people think
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  it's me, they're talking trash about me like Lee, you are a
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  horrible girl now. Thanks y'all.
• 13:09
  Subscribe to the channel. Check out Mental Illness net For
• 13:11
  more information. I'm out.
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  Peace. Thank you so much for making it
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  to the end of my video. I am extremely grateful for you
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  Have no idea. If you haven't already, make
• 13:19
  sure you go ahead and subscribe to the channel.
• 13:21
  Help us reach more people and click on the screen to watch
• 13:23
  another video or to browse through another playlist.
• 13:25
  There's also a link on the screen to check out my courses
• 13:28
  and my support groups to help you heal and understand what
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  you've been through. Thank you so much again.
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  I will see you in the next video.
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  Peace.