Latest / Two Personal with Joy Taylor / Joy Taylor on Aging, Stress, Body Changes & Internet Critics

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Joy Taylor on Aging, Stress, Body Changes & Internet Critics · Two Personal with Joy Taylor

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Imagine you are.
• 0:02
  Speaker 2: A woman who has a man and you find out
• 0:06
  Speaker 2: that your man is on the Internet. Hey guys, welcome
• 0:10
  Speaker 2: too Personal. I'm Joy Taylor. Thanks so much for joining
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: us today. Make sure you hit subscribe and follow us
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: on social at two Personal show. Hope you have been
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: having a great time in life. There's I don't know
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: when you're watching this, so I can't say, like, I
• 0:24
  Speaker 2: hope you had a great weekend or a great week
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: whatever you're tuning in. I hope you're enjoying yourself and
• 0:30
  Speaker 2: thanks for being here. I wanted to get into health
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: today because it's something that has been coming up a
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: lot around me as a woman at the age of
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: thirty nine. I have a lot of friends who are
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: around my age who are going through different you know,
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: life changes, health changes, body changes, mental, emotional, physical, just
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: we're all kind of at this time and space when
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: you get to your mid thirties where things just start
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: changing really rapidly. People start getting sick, people have kids,
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: and their entire body composition changes. You're dealing with different
• 1:10
  Speaker 2: pressures at work, you maybe getting into perimenopause. I have
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: had a friend that's had a full hysterectomy, like five
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: years ago, so she's already gone through like a huge
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: life change. People who are dealing with endometriosis or thinking
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: about having kids now that they're older.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: There's all these just different conversations.
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: And then pile on top of that is this societal
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: conversation about weight and skinny super skinnies back in like
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: the early nineties, model ninety eight pound skinny, and a
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: lot of people feel like body positivity has been sort
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: of not thrown out the window, but that the whole
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: movement was a little inauthentic. And the conversation around women's
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: bodies and health specifically is really interesting to me because
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: my body has been discussed for my entire career and
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: it's something that I accepted very early that I was
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: going to be sexualized. My body was going to be
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: talked about. My looks were going to be talked about.
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: My hair was going to be talked about, the color
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: of my skin, was going to be talked about, how
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: I wore my makeup, how every.
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: What kind of clothes I wore.
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: Everything was going to be picked apart because I worked
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: in and still work in sports, which is a male
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: dominated space with mostly male representation on camera. And behind
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: camera for that matter, and a large male audience in
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: a space where hostility and those type of conversations are
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: I don't even want to say.
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: Encourage, it's just sort of natural.
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: I always say that the love language of sports fans
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: is hostility, because we like to argue about sports, but
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: it very often pours over into other things and it
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: very often becomes personal.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: And now pair that with with.
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: The Internet and the comment section and Reddit and podcasts.
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: It's just like you, if you're going to be front
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: facing and particularly in that space, you're going to be sexualized.
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: Your boy's gonna be talked about, You're gonna be picked apart.
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: I would like for it to be different, but it
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: is not. And I knew very early, well before these
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: comment section places became the pits of hell that they are,
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: that that was going to be something that I was
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: going to deal with. I get asked all the time,
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: how do I deal with the Internet, how do I
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: deal with the comment section?
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: How do I deal with Twitter? And you know, people
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: talking about me?
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: And I always say that I had the kind of
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: hard knocks come up in the business because I started
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: in sports radio and all time ago, we used to
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: have the text machine, which was, you know, you can
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: text into the station and we would read text messages.
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: It was usually a sponsored line. This was before Twitter
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: became Really I don't even Twitter might not even existed
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: at this point. We certainly weren't using it as a
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: tool or communicating on it on air. YouTube wasn't a thing.
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: Streaming wasn't a thing. I mean I was like begging
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: our program director to put a camera in the studio
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: so that we could do YouTube videos. Like imagine me
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: as a talent trying to pitch. Now everybody is on camera.
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: So this is how long ago this was.
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: Keep in mind, I've been in the business for twenty years,
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: almost twenty years. So the text machine for a sports
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: radio station and a local sports radio station in Miami,
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: as you can imagine, was not all very pleasant. And
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: that is when I first got introduced to people being
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: able to speak anonymously about you, and it would be
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: like I hope you get cancer, or like get in
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: a car, record like just horrible ship. And we were
• 4:44
  Speaker 2: supposed to read through this like pile of muck to
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: find one intelligent question about like the Dolphins offensive line to.
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: Read on air. So obviously, after like two goes with this.
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: I passed this to our producer and was like, please find,
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: you know, a functional person on this to read on
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: air so that we can, you know, mentioned.
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: The sponsor and integrate it into the show.
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: So I'm the long winded way of saying that, like,
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: I've always dealt with people having opinions about me that
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: are harsh, that are mean, that are inappropriate, and particularly
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: about my body, and I don't care, Like I don't
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: care what a comments are on the Internet has to
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: say about what I look like, and I know the
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: commenters don't like hearing that, and people don't believe that
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: because most people do care about what other.
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: People think about them.
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: That's a common, normal thing to do to care about that.
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: I don't care because I have sex with an actual
• 5:48
  Speaker 2: human man, So it is not relevant to me what
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: Bob six x five seven thinks about my ass this week.
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: It's just it doesn't resonate to me. And I've always
• 6:01
  Speaker 2: had sex with human men, so it's just not a
• 6:07
  Speaker 2: It's not something that really is applicable to real life
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: what people say on the internet about my body. But
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: I do realize that a lot of people care about that,
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: and a lot of people see that, so I get asked,
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: and even more so now that I'm sharing like my
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: fitness journey and I'm you know, I'm always traveling, so
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: I'm in you know, these different spaces and people are
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: constantly commenting on what I look like. And you know,
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: they're not very nice because they get no pussy and
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: their wives hate them, and if they have a wife,
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: everyone hates them. Actually I should say probably their mother
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: hated them, which is kind of maybe the origin of
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: all of it. But the point is these are not
• 6:59
  Speaker 2: real peopleeople who are happy in living their lives.
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: Like imagine you are.
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: A woman who has a man, and you find out
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: that your man is on the internet talking about another
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: woman's body, like saying things to another woman about her body,
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: Like it's I don't it's not a fear I could
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: even like pretend to empathize with, Like I couldn't even
• 7:29
  Speaker 2: imagine what that feels like, because there's no way I
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: would ever allow a man to put his finger on
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: my kneecap that would have the audacity or desire.
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: To do that. Like it's so that it's so that
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: extreme that it just doesn't resonate to me.
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: But a lot of women ask me about this because
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: they see and not just women ment too, but mostly
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: women ask it because they see how people talk to me.
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: And I've even had someone like reach out to me
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: because they were like mentioned on my page and they
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: were like, I can't believe how people talk to you,
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: like are you okay? And I, you know, went through
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: the same spiel with her and was like, Yeah, it's
• 8:12
  Speaker 2: totally normal for you to feel like bad about it.
• 8:17
  Speaker 2: It's it's normal for you to react like you're normal.
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: I'm not, you are It's normal to think that this
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: is terrible what I have done and compartmentalized with that
• 8:28
  Speaker 2: is a function of surviving and living in this very
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: male dominated, very hostile space. But when it comes to you,
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: like your body and health, that's the space that I'm
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: at now. As women, we go through all these different
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: phases in time, Like you know, you're young, your metabolism
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: is firing and you can eat five slices of pizza
• 8:49
  Speaker 2: and wake up and like run a five k the
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: next day and have a beer. That changes, and then
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: you have a different phase and then you hit twenty
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: five and your metabolism basically like shuts down.
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: And you get your woman body, and then you.
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: Work through that and see how you're gonna eat and
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: how you're gonna sleep, and you know what kind of
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: changes for the last part of your twenties are for
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: your body.
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: And then you get to thirty and it changes again.
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: And now I'm at the point where you know, I'm
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: on the cusp of my forties.
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: I'm at the end of my thirties.
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: I've gone through all of those different phases, all those insecurities,
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: all those times that I've really judged my body for changing.
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: And like recently, I have gained a little bit of weight.
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: I'm okay. I do not need gas to bypass surgery.
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: I promise you.
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: I'm perfectly healthy.
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: And I actually just checked on it because I did
• 9:37
  Speaker 2: gain weight, and I haven't changed anything.
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: I'm always traveling.
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: I work out four to six days a week, depending
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: on what the week is.
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: I'm very active.
• 9:46
  Speaker 2: I eat well, I drink a lot of water, I
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: take all my supplements, so like, sometimes things in your
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: body just change. And I found out recently that I
• 9:56
  Speaker 2: have extremely high stress levels, which shouldn't be surprised anyone.
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: But I don't feel stressed, like I don't have to
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: me a lot of big stresses in my life. I
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: don't have relationship problems. I don't fight with my friends,
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: I don't have issues with my family right now, like
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: all blessings, thankfully some of them are by design, but
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: like I'm in a.
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: Good place I feel. But I was.
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: Told by the medical professional. I was told by the
• 10:28
  Speaker 2: medical professional that I have the stress levels of an
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: NSA agent that is working to keep the grid online
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: and has no one to talk to because they can't
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: share their state secrets with their spouse, which is such
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: a specific level of stress. So we have deduced that
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: maybe I'm just used to functioning at this stress level,
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: and so my brain feels okay, but my body as
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: an adjusted and I spoke to my therapist about it
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: and they sort of reflected that notion that I need
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: to implement a little bit more, you know softness, which
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: I've talked about this whimsy journey. I'm trying to have
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: like a little whimsy every day, whatever it is. But
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: maybe I need a little bit more aromatherapy or tried meditation.
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: Or journaling or you know, a.
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: Light walk, because sometimes even the working out, which you
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: would think would help with the stress, because you get endorphins.
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: If it's a super intense workout, which is what I do,
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: then that can not really help with the stress. It'll
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: just give you endorphins and you know, like help keep
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: you in shape, but doesn't really help with your stress levels.
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: So I say, I'll have to say, I'm at this
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: really peaceful place with my health right now, where I'm
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: just grateful to be healthy. Like there are people who
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: are actually unhealthy and have done everything right, and their
• 11:51
  Speaker 2: body's changed because they've had a child, or they've just
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: developed a disease, or some they've become allergic to something
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: later in their life, or their body has just decided
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: to change entirely, and now they're dealing with the health issue.
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: Like there's so much that can go wrong with your body.
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: And we always say this like health is the most
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: important thing, Like nothing matters but your health. We only
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: really resonate with that when something is wrong with your health.
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: And so I just want to stress to people using
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: my own like personal testimony of somebody whose body is
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: constantly picked apart.
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: There are people who.
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: Have whole conversations about what my diet is online. They
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: have never spoken to me, let alone know what I
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: put in my face, like they have no idea what
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: I do daily in my daily routine. Who have discussions,
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: like they'll go back and forth in the comment section,
• 12:46
  Speaker 2: like well if she did this.
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: What the fuck? How go get a go go. You're
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: not working enough. You need a second job.
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: If you have time to talk about what my diet
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: is and you don't know me personally, you need maybe
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: a an ear third job. You're not working enough, you
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: need You don't make enough money, I promise you you have.
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: You're wasting your potential, like you're earning potential if you're
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: spending time doing that. But yeah, as a person who
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: deals with that and who is you know, very serious
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: about their health and that, I do want to know
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: what's going on inside my body. I am embracing getting
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: older and my body changing. It's not going to look
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: like it did when I was twenty, It's not gonna
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: look like it did when I was twenty five, and
• 13:30
  Speaker 2: it may never look like it did when I was thirty.
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: You know, I went through these changes on air a lot,
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: like we would do.
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: For wardrobe.
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: We would do these fittings where you know they would
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: they obviously buy a bunch of clothes and you try
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: them on, and you integrate it into your closet. When
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: you work on network level and they have wardrobe departments,
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: that's how it works. And sometimes you would need to
• 13:52
  Speaker 2: get something size. Obviously, I'm a short person, so most
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: of the pants would have to be ends, suits.
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: Had to be fitted, and you fluctuate and wait.
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: So something that I bought maybe three years ago to
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: wear on air doesn't fit me anymore because my body changed,
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: and it can feel very dramatic and kind of jarring,
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: like wow, like why doesn't this fit me anymore? Well,
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: because your body is different, and it doesn't mean that
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: you're unhealthy. It doesn't mean that you're overweight, it doesn't
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: mean that you're not taking care of yourself. It just
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: means that your body is changing. And that's okay if
• 14:24
  Speaker 2: you're healthy. And this attack on people and their weight,
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: as if gaining any type of weight is a complete
• 14:34
  Speaker 2: neglect of your health. When you are not a doctor,
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: you do not know this person's health journey. You have
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: absolutely no idea what's going on with them, and we
• 14:45
  Speaker 2: never learn, Like there's a conversation about a basketball player
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: named Tyrese Haliburton right now, and he has gained a
• 14:53
  Speaker 2: lot of weight.
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: Visibly, he looks heavier.
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: And it's because he's on medication and he's had to
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: say that this medication that I'm on has caused me
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: to gain weight. Now he's an athlete, so obviously his
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: body is a topic of discussion for everyone.
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: I mean his injuries or discussion his you are.
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: The type of shape he's in for being on the
• 15:19
  Speaker 2: court is a discussion. Like if he takes what kind
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: of training he does is a discussion. What he eats
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: is a discussion. Like when you're an athlete, that's also
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: a part of it. And it's like you don't know
• 15:31
  Speaker 2: what's going on in people's bodies. One of my favorite
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: things that I do is this blood work that is
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: like a diagnostic and it breaks down everything it's in
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: your body and how much level of vitamin D you
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: have and how much touring you have.
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: Like it's it's a whole complex rundown of what's going
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: on with you.
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: And it's always alarming to me how all these trends
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: that people try to push on other people, like being
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: a vegan or being a pescatarian or you know, drinking
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: this certain type of milk or not eating a certain
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: type of meat or taking this certain supplement, Like, I
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: get it. Everyone's just trying to help each other and
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: give tips, and you know the overall goal is health,
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: But you really do not know what's going on in
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: another person's body. I like need to eat more red meat,
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: And to somebody who's vegan, that sounds like blasphemy, like
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: I've just cast a spell of witchcraft?
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: Are you?
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: But the reality is my body needs it, and I
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: know that because I've actually talked to a medical professional
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: who does this and is breaking down the very things
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: that I need in my body right now to like
• 16:38
  Speaker 2: lower my stress levels and give me more balance for
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: me to be healthier. That doesn't mean that you need
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: to eat more red meat. I don't fucking know you.
• 16:46
  Speaker 2: I don't know what's going on in your body. I'm
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: not a medical doctor, and I would never prescribe to
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: give anyone any kind of medical advice because it is
• 16:55
  Speaker 2: not what the fuck I do. But what I would
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: say is be gentle with your self, appreciate your health
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: when you have it, because you literally never know where
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: that can change.
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: And you can do everything right.
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: You can work out and drink all the water and
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: take all the supplements and eat all the right food,
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: and you can still have something go wrong. So you
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: should always appreciate being healthy. Appreciate the body that you're in.
• 17:18
  Speaker 2: It's the only one that you have. Do not let
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: what other people have to say about your body affect
• 17:23
  Speaker 2: your spirit or what you do, or how you feel
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: or how you move around the world.
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: If you want to wear that tank top, girl, wear that. Don't.
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: Nobody gives a fuck about your arms. We don't care.
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: We worry about our arms. Okay, we not worry about
• 17:40
  Speaker 2: your arms. We don't care about that little bit of pinch.
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: Ain't nobody worried about that?
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: Okay?
• 17:44
  Speaker 2: And one thing I can promise you is that men
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: are not worried about that. Not the ones that are outside,
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: the ones that are on the phone, like I kind
• 17:51
  Speaker 2: of those ones are worried about it. The ones that
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: are outside are trying and grab that little chunk, baby. Okay,
• 17:55
  Speaker 2: they like it, all right, I promise you. I promise you.
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: We are way too hard on ourselves. It's a speech
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: I give myself all the time. Again, I am not
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: perfect in this. I have insecurities about my body. I
• 18:07
  Speaker 2: have things that I'm working on there's things I'd like
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: to look better at in different places.
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: But what I'm not gonna do is punish.
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: Myself or apologize for it or explain myself to anyone.
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: I keep my insecurities to myself and the other person
• 18:24
  Speaker 2: that sees me naked, that's it, and they're fine with it.
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: So like it's really just it's really just for me.
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: I am just really grateful to be healthy. I'm grateful
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: to be at the age to experience these changes. Some
• 18:38
  Speaker 2: of them are going to be unpleasant, some of them
• 18:40
  Speaker 2: are going to be affirming, but aging is a blessing.
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: It's the whole point.
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: The point of life is to continue to get older,
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: and with that process comes different changes. And for me,
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: it's like it's been kind of fun, Like I'm enjoying
• 19:00
  Speaker 2: this chapter of being a woman in a way that
• 19:03
  Speaker 2: I really didn't expect. I never really thought about being
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: forty or what that would mean, or what I would
• 19:08
  Speaker 2: look like or what I would feel like.
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: And you know, I'm not forty yet. I'm still in
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: my thirties.
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: Okay, I'm still in my thirties, still e thirty something
• 19:17
  Speaker 2: year old woman. But yeah, I guess I'm just grateful
• 19:22
  Speaker 2: so I just encourage you. You know, we have all
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: these discussions about body and body type and fat and
• 19:29
  Speaker 2: all these things. You're never going to feel one hundred percent.
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: It's a term of use in sports a lot, like
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: no one's ever one hundred percent right. You're always playing hurt,
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: and I kind of feel like that sort of applies
• 19:41
  Speaker 2: to your body as well. There's very few times in
• 19:44
  Speaker 2: your life, Like when I think about the times that
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: I never thought about what my body looked like was
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: probably when I.
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: Was like nineteen. So for like one year of.
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: My life I did my body was there was nothing,
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: no nobody could say shit to me about my body.
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: That didn't last very long.
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: So for most of the time of your life, there's
• 20:05
  Speaker 2: gonna be something about your body that makes you insecure.
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: There's gonna be something you don't like. It's something you're
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: gonna work on, something you're like, I don't like this, I
• 20:10
  Speaker 2: don't like that. I want to like this.
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: Fine? Are you healthy? Are you happy?
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: And is there things that you can do within your
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: control to fix that? If there's not, just just be
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: happy to be here and not be in pain.
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: So yeah, that's my my health.
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: Steel speel Spiel speel spiel my health spiel for today.
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: So all right, guys, time for Never Too Personal.
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: If you want to be a part of the Show
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: Too Personal podcasts at gmail dot com, shoot us an
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: email with your stories, or if you want advice on something,
• 20:42
  Speaker 2: we do love hearing your stories. So and you can
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: also DM us or send us a message on Instagram
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: or any of our socials at two Personal show. So
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: today's question is how do you handle financial conversations with family, friends, partners,
• 20:59
  Speaker 2: et cetera. So I did not come from money, contrary
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: to what the Internet says. An Internet says a lot
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: of things that are incredibly inaccurate about me, but me
• 21:08
  Speaker 2: coming from money is one of them. My brother was
• 21:10
  Speaker 2: drafted to the NFL in the third round in nineteen
• 21:13
  Speaker 2: ninety seven. I don't want to do a whole sports
• 21:15
  Speaker 2: history here, but that's not It's not a four hundred
• 21:21
  Speaker 2: million dollar contract for your rookie year. He actually wasn't
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: even sure if he was going to stay on the
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: team because he was doing Jimmy Johnson two a days
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: in the Miami heat, not for the Miami heat, for
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: the Miami Dolphins outside in the heat of Miami.
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: So yes, my brother had money.
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: I'm not going to get into the family dynamics of it,
• 21:42
  Speaker 2: because it's not entirely all my story to tell it was,
• 21:45
  Speaker 2: I would let you know.
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: But the long and short of.
• 21:48
  Speaker 2: It is, I did not grow up with money. I
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: grew up seeing, obviously my brother have great success at
• 21:54
  Speaker 2: a pretty young age, and those access points obviously changed
• 21:59
  Speaker 2: my perspective on what is what is possible. Obviously I
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: wasn't going to be six six, two forty and play
• 22:05
  Speaker 2: in the NFL. But you know, I think anytime you
• 22:08
  Speaker 2: have any experience with someone who has a lot of money,
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: or who has money that's not, you know, traditional to
• 22:16
  Speaker 2: where you grew up or your family status, it changes
• 22:20
  Speaker 2: your perspective on how people behave, what people expect from them,
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: what you expect from them, how they handle their money.
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: But I didn't grow up with any kind of financial background.
• 22:32
  Speaker 2: My father did not have money, my mother did not
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: have money. Their families didn't have money. I did not
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: understand credit. I did not understand the stock market. I
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: did not understand bank accounts. They didn't teach any of
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: that in school.
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: So every for.
• 22:46
  Speaker 2: The most part, what I've learned about finance has been
• 22:50
  Speaker 2: through being completely broke, having money, figuring out how to
• 22:56
  Speaker 2: get a credit card, figuring out how to pay for
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: gawn as with the change in my car. Every different
• 23:03
  Speaker 2: perspective and experience on finances.
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: And I'm in.
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: A good place, in a decent understanding and obviously still learning.
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: So everyone has a different financial journey.
• 23:13
  Speaker 2: Some people are raised by parents who have a really
• 23:16
  Speaker 2: good understanding of money and have conversations with them at
• 23:20
  Speaker 2: a young age, and they are they understand real estate,
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: and they understand investing, and you know, even if they
• 23:26
  Speaker 2: don't have a lot of money. So there's a whole
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: range of how your relationship with money is formed, how
• 23:33
  Speaker 2: you treat financial conversations, what your relationship with money and
• 23:39
  Speaker 2: other people is And everyone has different sensitivity. So when
• 23:41
  Speaker 2: it comes to financial conversations, I totally get how it's
• 23:44
  Speaker 2: hard for people to have them. It's uncomfortable. You don't
• 23:47
  Speaker 2: really want to ask people how much they make. You
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: don't want to ask people how much debt they're in.
• 23:52
  Speaker 2: You don't want to ask any conversation that makes people
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: feel vulnerable.
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: And money is.
• 23:56
  Speaker 2: Something that makes people feel extremely vulnerable most of the time,
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: unless you're post economic, which is a whole different kind
• 24:04
  Speaker 2: of conversation about money, because then you're signing pren up
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: on preen up on breenup. I I'm on a very
• 24:11
  Speaker 2: person to person basis when it comes to conversations about money.
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: I don't think everyone should know everything about your financial
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: situation because you just simply cannot trust everybody, and I
• 24:25
  Speaker 2: don't think it's necessary for everyone to know. I think
• 24:27
  Speaker 2: people will have a general idea of how you're doing
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: in life based on how you move around, the things
• 24:30
  Speaker 2: you do, the things you have. So for family, that's
• 24:35
  Speaker 2: family and relationships I think are the two hardest financial
• 24:38
  Speaker 2: conversations to have. Friends can make things uncomfortable enough that
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: it makes it almost easy to cut that cut that
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: relationship off because not that friends are replaceable, but hopefully
• 24:49
  Speaker 2: you have more than one friends and if they act
• 24:51
  Speaker 2: weird about money, it kind of makes it easy for
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: you to remove them from your life.
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: Family and relationships are a bit harder.
• 24:56
  Speaker 2: I would say relationships are the second hardest because similarly
• 25:00
  Speaker 2: like if you have it, if you're not too far in,
• 25:02
  Speaker 2: if people start acting crazy about money, you have decisions
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: to make.
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: With family, I think boundaries.
• 25:09
  Speaker 2: Are the most applicable when it comes to that when
• 25:13
  Speaker 2: people ask you for money, when people expect money, when
• 25:18
  Speaker 2: people don't respect your money, that can make things very
• 25:24
  Speaker 2: uncomfortable and it can really change the dynamic of relationships
• 25:28
  Speaker 2: when it comes to money. So I don't really have
• 25:32
  Speaker 2: a blanket policy for everyone because I think that each
• 25:35
  Speaker 2: situation is different. Like if you're about to get married
• 25:37
  Speaker 2: to someone, you should have very transparent conversations about money.
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: You should know what.
• 25:42
  Speaker 2: Your relationship is to money, with their relationship is to money,
• 25:45
  Speaker 2: what they want to do with their money, how much
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: money they want to make, how much money they want
• 25:48
  Speaker 2: to save, what would they like to spend money on.
• 25:50
  Speaker 2: How often do they go on shopping sprees? What kind
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: of you know, savings accounts do they have? Do they
• 25:56
  Speaker 2: have a four to h one K? Do they believe
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: in banks? Like are they hiding crypto? You need to
• 26:01
  Speaker 2: know everything that your partner, if you are getting married,
• 26:08
  Speaker 2: what everything has to do with their relationship and ideas
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: on money before you get married. That is advice that
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: I would give to everyone. It's very important and hopefully
• 26:19
  Speaker 2: you have been observing them to see that what they're
• 26:21
  Speaker 2: saying matches how they behave in that way as well.
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: Because that is something that can really rip a family
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: and relationship apart if you don't have the conversations early friends.
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: I think it's pretty simple, like just have a limit
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: for what you share with them. Be strategic about how
• 26:43
  Speaker 2: you share your wins, know who to share your wins
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: with and who not to. Some people are not they're
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: not naturally celebratory people, and it can strike a bit
• 26:56
  Speaker 2: of envy that's unnecessary.
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: Now. Granted, I don't know that you always want to be.
• 26:59
  Speaker 2: Friends with people like that, but sometimes you know they've
• 27:03
  Speaker 2: been your friend for twenty years and you just you
• 27:05
  Speaker 2: you got to know who people are, you know, don't
• 27:07
  Speaker 2: don't tell them, tell them you got the deal, but
• 27:10
  Speaker 2: maybe not give them the details.
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: You know.
• 27:13
  Speaker 2: That's just that's kind of how that goes. You have
• 27:15
  Speaker 2: to know your personnel, right, We're using a lot of
• 27:17
  Speaker 2: sports references today. You know your personnel. It's important to
• 27:20
  Speaker 2: do that. And with family, I think the boundaries are
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: pretty simple, like sometimes you're gonna have to help family,
• 27:26
  Speaker 2: but how why, when? How often? What's the long term
• 27:34
  Speaker 2: goal here? Like I'm always going to take care of
• 27:36
  Speaker 2: my mother, and.
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: That's that's what it is.
• 27:41
  Speaker 2: I have the ability to take care of my mother,
• 27:44
  Speaker 2: and I want to take care of my mother and
• 27:46
  Speaker 2: then so I'm going to take care of my mother.
• 27:49
  Speaker 2: I am not, however, going to fund everyone's life.
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: I guess not.
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: You you have the capacity to go earn money, You're
• 27:56
  Speaker 2: going to go and need to do that.
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: Now.
• 27:57
  Speaker 2: If something happens and there's an emergency, we have that conversation,
• 28:01
  Speaker 2: but we are going to have it respectfully. We're going
• 28:03
  Speaker 2: to have an understanding on is this alone or am
• 28:06
  Speaker 2: I giving you this? Are you actually using this for
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: this purpose? I better not pop on your ig and
• 28:14
  Speaker 2: see you in Vegas.
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: Like those type of conversations needs to be had.
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: And I think there's like a shame attached to money
• 28:21
  Speaker 2: when you need it, because I've experienced this a lot,
• 28:24
  Speaker 2: and now that I'm older and not in that situation,
• 28:29
  Speaker 2: I have like mixed feelings about if I should have
• 28:31
  Speaker 2: had shame or not. I think sometimes you need help.
• 28:35
  Speaker 2: Like we are in really tough economic times. People are struggling.
• 28:39
  Speaker 2: People are working three or four jobs and still not
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: being able to pay for everything. Everything is so expensive.
• 28:44
  Speaker 2: If you have kids, God bless you. I don't know
• 28:47
  Speaker 2: how you do it. I don't know these I almost
• 28:52
  Speaker 2: these little motherfuckers, these fucking these little motherfuckers is expensive. Okay,
• 28:56
  Speaker 2: it is expensive as fuck to raise a kid, so
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: I know it. I know it is hard out here
• 29:02
  Speaker 2: in the streets, and we know who is responsible. So yeah,
• 29:07
  Speaker 2: I mean that's a very long winded way of saying
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: you got figured out out on your own. But I
• 29:13
  Speaker 2: think money is something that is a literal, case by
• 29:17
  Speaker 2: case basis. You can have somebody who's constantly hitting you
• 29:20
  Speaker 2: up for money and be like why do you never
• 29:23
  Speaker 2: have any money?
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: Like do you work? What are you spending your money on?
• 29:27
  Speaker 2: And then you can have somebody come to you for
• 29:29
  Speaker 2: money and you're like, wow, you always have your shit together,
• 29:31
  Speaker 2: your bills are always paid, you always live within your means.
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: I'm happy to help you. I know you really need
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: this right.
• 29:38
  Speaker 2: Now, and like you actually don't have to pay me
• 29:40
  Speaker 2: back like you, I'm happy. I can't help you. It
• 29:43
  Speaker 2: is nothing to me. I want to help you. There's
• 29:46
  Speaker 2: nothing attached to this. There is an absolute case by case,
• 29:50
  Speaker 2: person a person basis when it comes to that. But
• 29:51
  Speaker 2: I do think boundaries are something that are super important
• 29:55
  Speaker 2: when it comes to finances, and you should have a
• 29:58
  Speaker 2: real conversation with yourself about what your relationship is to
• 30:01
  Speaker 2: money and what your boundaries are and if you want
• 30:05
  Speaker 2: a real, you know, approachable and authentic way to learn
• 30:11
  Speaker 2: about money and develop your relationship with money.
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: I do think.
• 30:15
  Speaker 2: That Rashad and Troy at Earn Your Leisure do an
• 30:18
  Speaker 2: excellent job of having real, transparent conversations about money. They're
• 30:24
  Speaker 2: very authentic and approachable. You can get their book. The
• 30:27
  Speaker 2: book is very helpful as well. You deserve to be rich,
• 30:32
  Speaker 2: and I think like start small. It doesn't always have
• 30:35
  Speaker 2: to be this huge thing that you automatically overnight a
• 30:37
  Speaker 2: millionaire like you. If you're like me and you don't
• 30:41
  Speaker 2: have any education in finances and your parents didn't teach
• 30:44
  Speaker 2: you anything about finances and nobody like held your hands
• 30:47
  Speaker 2: or explaining of this to you, you shouldn't overwhelm yourself.
• 30:50
  Speaker 2: But money is important. It's important to all of us.
• 30:53
  Speaker 2: It does make the world go rounds, and your boundaries
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: and relationship with.
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: It should be as healthy as possible. So thanks Hek
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: for the question.
• 31:00
  Speaker 2: If you want to be a part of the Show
• 31:02
  Speaker 2: to Personal podcasts at gmail dot com, follow us on
• 31:04
  Speaker 2: social at to Personal Show and Personal Show to Personal
• 31:09
  Speaker 2: show and make sure that you hit subscribe.
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: Thanks guys,