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The quiet confusion of the empath man · Lightbearer's Library

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Hello, dear soul, and welcome to the Light Bears Library.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: In today's journal entry, let's explore empath men, men who are empaths, and how that kind of differs from being highly sensitive, which is what we talk about a lot on this channel.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: And that's because my husband of 11 years is a highly sensitive man as well as an empath.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: He's on the high scale of all those things.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: And um, while I myself am a highly sensitive person and have some empath um abilities, um he's he's on that scale.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: So perhaps you are too.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I'd like to hear from you about your perhaps um thoughts on the differences between highly high sensitivity and empaths, which is what we've been talking about in um my most recent post.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: Somebody was talking about the difference.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: And so it's been it's been fascinating, kind of exploring the topic a little bit more.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so what I'm gonna talk about comes from Judith Orloff's book, The Empaths Survival Guide.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: I've just started listening to it because um my husband was like, you need to listen to that.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: So I do that.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: Um so when we're talking about empaths, it's we're not talking about sort of ordinary empathy, which is the ability to um, you know, have our heart go out to someone else who is struggling or to find joy with someone who is who is has a great opportunity in their life or something.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: You know, that's that's that's ordinary empathy.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: But empaths uh sense other people's emotions, energy, and even physical symptoms in their own bodies, and because they don't have the usual filters that most normal people do, and they they feel things first, so without anybody having to say anything about how they're feeling or what they're going through, an empath just can feel it and know it, or if somebody's ill or sick, they can sometimes feel it in their body.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: So this without having to use their mind or their intellect, and which is the opposite of how the world works now.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: It's so overintellectualized, and everything's about you know thinking first and feeling after.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: So empaths, this was what Judith Orloff was saying.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: Empaths share um some or all of the traits of being a highly sensitive person.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: They have a low threshold for stimulation, need a need for alone time, sensitivity to light, smell, sound, and love of nature and calm environments.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: So um there's a there's a lot of overlap in in in these things.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I think there's also sliding scales.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: Like I said, with me and my husband, you know, he's at the high end and I'm at the middle or low end.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know where at what end I'm at, but I'm in there somewhere.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: Um and she's saying that the empaths take the experience further than than further than the HSP.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: So they sense subtle energy and absorb it into their bodies, whereas HSPs don't typically do that.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: HSPs can be very empathetic um for others and can tune into that, but it's not sort of absorbed into the body.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: They often have trouble um distinguishing between someone else's discomfort and their own.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: And now this is a this is a really big one, I think, for empaths.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: And I know for my husband, it's been very difficult because he doesn't know all the time when it's his own feelings or someone else's feelings like mine.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so I'm always trying to, now that we know this about uh him and us, it's like I try to verbalize, I try to tell him what's going on with me a lot more, um, which is kind of that's not my natural way of being as an INFP.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: Um my my I I keep all my stuff inside, but he can feel all of my inside.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: So it's just like okay, I've had to learn to just kind of be more and more communicative with him so that he knows when it's me being anxious or excited or stressed or whatever it might be, so that he can know that's not him.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: And the other thing is is that empaths don't even need to be around, like know um, see the other person, right?
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's not even about like facial exfacial expressions and body posture and whatever.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: It's like you can be feeling your neighbor who lives next door, or whatever.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: Um my husband even like with animals, like there was a hurt bunny one time and he'd broken his leg, and my husband could just whereas like I was just feeling so bad for the bunny, my husband could feel the bunnies, um, like feel the bunny, you know.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: And um, so so that's where it's difficult, especially living in apartment buildings like higher density.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: You know, he's not sure if he's feeling stuff or if it's the neighbor who's come home from work.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and so that can be confusing.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: Um, some empaths have profound spiritual and intuitive experiences, which not all HSPs experience.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: So she was talking about the different types of empaths.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: She is an empath, Judith Orloff, and um and has worked with a lot of empaths.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: So she said there's physical ones that are attuned to the physical symptoms of others.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: So this can be where they feel, feel the illness in their body, or they can also be energized by the well-being of the other person, right?
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: So uh then there's the emotional empath, which is basically just a sponge for everybody's emotions.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what my husband has a lot of is that um ability to kind of feel happy, you know, happy energy or sad energy.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I think we were talking about this earlier about like how how that's why so many empaths enjoy being with dogs, for instance.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, just that joyous enthusiasm for seeing their human and like empaths can basically just it nourishes their their sense of well-being and joy, and then that that's like a reciprocal, reciprocal thing.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I know there are many of you who have dogs out there, so um uh intuitive empaths so have extraordinary perceptions of heightened intuition, and so there's different types of intuitives, so telepathic receive intuitive information about others in present time, precognitive, so premonitions about the future, and um and maybe perhaps even in dreams, they're dreaming precognitive dreams.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: Um, then there's the dream empath where they receive information that is um helpful for themselves or others in their dreams, so receiving messages.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: Then we have mediumship, so um, they have access to spirits on the other side.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: And um, my husband was saying the other day, or today we were talking, and he was like, I don't I I feel like I smell things that aren't there, and I'm wondering if maybe it's like people who aren't here, like on the uh that are on the other side.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: He's like, I just have this feeling that that's maybe what's happening.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, interesting, okay, you know, like it's is always like not quite sure what is like a real sense and what is maybe an intuitive empathic sense.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: And um, so if you know what that's like, it's um it can just be very kind of a confusing way of living sometimes.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: Um plant, plant empaths, so the feel the needs of the the plant and connect with their essence.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I feel like I this is for me one of the things I've always been good at is loving plants and nurturing plants.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: And um, that's why I love gardening and tending them.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: And and whenever like something happens to a plant, and it's like it's just like, oh, you, you know, like this leaf broke off, or oh, the hail like damaged you, or whatever.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just there's this sense in me of, you know, and there's lots of good studies showing that plants, plants know things.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: Um uh earth empaths, so attuned to the changes of the earth.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: Um, like some people probably can feel earthquakes before they happen or know that something's going to happen, and um, that there's maybe even changes in the weather.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: My husband is very attuned to the weather, he's attuned to high pressure and um all sorts of can feel storms coming in and electricity in the air and you know, snowstorms.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: And so um uh and then animal empaths, so they can tune into animals and communicate with animals.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: And um yeah, so that those you could be more more than one type and have multiple different ones as um yeah.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I think what I'd like to say is that you know, my husband is often just saying, like, I don't, I don't this I don't like being I don't like being all these things, you know, like a nine of Jane and two, like all this is just like I just I just sometimes just want to be normal, you know, and don't see it as a gift and don't kind of appreciate it.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that it gotta be gotta be gentle and I think about really embracing this part of you.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: So whether it's the HSP or the empath or whatever it is, embracing the parts of ourselves that you know we might not be so keen on.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: Um but I the reason why is because then we can make better decisions with our lives.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: When we're trying not to be something that we can't actually not be, um then we kind of try and make decisions that are kind of maybe more normal and we end up in we end up in not not good places.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: So when we embrace being an empath and we embrace our high sensitivity, then we can make decisions that are good for us.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_00: So for instance, where you live as an empath makes a massive difference and for high sensitivity, right?
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: But it's like maybe you need to live not near that many people, or you need to live in a in a in a place where people are really focused on good health and well-being so that their energy, like you know, harnessing it for the good, so that you know you live in places where there's lots of good energy that that feeds feeds you.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I know for me that's what's like when when I used to live on the coast on an island, it was yeah, it was good energy, you know.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: Um versus where I live now, it's just yeah, anyway.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, or or having having a dog or a cat or whatever that that feeds and nourishes, you know, your love of of animals or a garden, knowing that I need a garden to just to really, really be happy, you know.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: Um it's kind of these things that are not nice to have, they're need to have in order to function fully, um, being away from other people's, you know, smells and and and emotions and all these things that most a lot of the normal world would just roll their eyes at and be like, what are you even talking about?
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_00: Again, the three heads is what we like to talk about here.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_00: It's like they look at you like you have three heads.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but this is all about knowing yourself and caring for yourself, giving yourself the care and attention needed.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: And and and you know, it might mean that you need to change jobs or it might mean that you need to cut out a bunch of people in your life that are just dragging you down.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, so by embracing this part, it allows us to make better decisions.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: And even like my husband and I in relationship, you know, when I was like excited to move here to Alberta just to like be near my family, which at the time was a great idea, my husband was like, Yeah, that's a great idea because he was feeling my excitement when he hates snow and cold, which is what Alberta is, and you know, for most of the year.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: And um, so it it's like knowing this is like, okay, well, that was my enthusiasm, but not his feeling.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_00: So in unentangling those things in a relationship, knowing that you have that is half of the half of the way.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_00: Then you can use the intellect to go, okay, you know, what's mine, what's hers, what's, you know.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, if you would um if you have, if you have thoughts on this, I would love to hear from you because this is such a fascinating topic.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: And of course, you know, it's not something that we end up talking about with most people.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_00: And um, if you would like a place to talk about it, please, I warmly invite you to come to the um the library men's group, which is um a by-donation men's group, and we come together and we talk about all the things you can't talk about with anyone else, and just see one another and hear one another and be a witness to what's going on in your life.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_00: So if you'd like a space to come and just put language to what you're going through, that would we we would warmly welcome you.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_00: And um, if you'd like to keep the lights on in the Light Bears Library, please consider donating at lightbearslibrary.org.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for being here.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_00: I wish you so many blessings.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_00: XOXO, Kate.