Latest / Breaking Our Borders / Interview With Adam Copeland About Positive Living

Transcript

Interview With Adam Copeland About Positive Living · Breaking Our Borders

• 0:00
  Welcome back.
• 0:01
  I'm super excited about this episode, as this is the first time I have done an interview for the podcast.
• 0:08
  Today I have a special guest with me, Mr.
• 0:10
  Adam Copeland.
• 0:12
  I met Adam at a STEM teaching conference where he was the keynote speaker, and I was inspired by his speech.
• 0:20
  He discussed positive leadership, but I saw how his ideas about leadership related to personal growth.
• 0:27
  It was from his speech that I got the idea of our brains being like an apple tree and created episode 21.
• 0:35
  I shared this with Adam, and he asked to join me on an episode to talk further about the connection of these two ideas.
• 0:42
  So let's get started talking to Adam right now.
• 1:03
  It is a pleasure to have you with me today to talk about what I believe is a very important topic.
• 1:09
  I'd first like to share with the listeners how we met.
• 1:13
  I recently was at a STEM conference where Adam was the keynote speaker.
• 1:18
  I was very moved personally by some of the things that he said in that speech and reached out to him to let him know that.
• 1:27
  And then from there, we've decided to talk further about this and share our discussion with all of you.
• 1:32
  So, Adam, would you please tell our listeners about yourself and about that speech that you gave at the conference I attended?
• 1:40
  Yeah, so I am uh first of all, thanks for having me.
• 1:43
  This is incredible.
• 1:44
  It's uh wonderful for the opportunity.
• 1:46
  Um, this is amazing work.
• 1:49
  And uh so uh I'm the assistant superintendent at Morgan Local Schools, but I am also um a joint John Gordon certified uh trainer.
• 2:00
  And so I have different keynotes on different things of the uh amazing books that John has written over the years on positive leadership and how it can just um help, obviously in businesses, but uh for me it's more of a personal level, how it can just help each and every one of us um become better and uh find the joy in every day because there is joy there.
• 2:21
  We just gotta find it some days because some days are really hard.
• 2:24
  So um, yeah, that the abolition STEM Collaborative asked me to be the keynote speaker on the power of positive leadership and um did part of that keynote um that day and uh kind of led us to have this deeper conversation.
• 2:38
  And like I said, it's it's amazing work John's done, an incredible job all over the country now doing it.
• 2:44
  And so um it's a pleasure to be a part of the team for him and just uh continuing to try to make this world um more positive one person at a time, one day at a time.
• 2:56
  Exactly.
• 2:57
  That's wonderful.
• 2:58
  Um, coming at this from uh the survivor of a child of childhood trauma person, um, so many things that you said in that speech about being positive and about bringing joy into our lives is something that is very impactful to survivors because we didn't experience that in our childhood.
• 3:19
  And so while yes, you're you're bringing it on about leaders, I I feel that there's a lot of connection um between the two groups of leaders and survivors, and and how we need to find that joy in life every day and how difficult, like you said, it it can be.
• 3:39
  Yeah, I I think that is uh very accurate.
• 3:42
  There are there are so so many similarities in that.
• 3:45
  Um, and you know, one of the things I've talked about a lot is you know, when we say power plot with leadership, everybody's a leader.
• 3:52
  Um, and people don't understand what all leadership entails, but um, as we talk through in this uh through the workshop and different things, a leader is someone that there's somebody watching what you're doing today in your life, and they're going to model what they do based on how you're performing every day and what you're doing.
• 4:12
  And and anyone who's been through trauma, there are a lot of people looking at someone else who's been through trauma and saying, How do I get through this?
• 4:19
  How do I get out of bed every day?
• 4:21
  How do I go and put my shoes on and keep working?
• 4:24
  Um, that is leading someone else who's been through this.
• 4:28
  And so there's somebody today looking at your life and they're modeling what they're going to do tomorrow based on how you're working through the problems and the issues.
• 4:37
  Um, and one of the things we talked about, uh, we talked about in the keynote and all of John's work is your vision has to be bigger than the circumstances.
• 4:44
  Um, we're all dealt with some tough circumstances.
• 4:47
  You know, today we're talking about trauma.
• 4:49
  There are major circumstances and stumbling blocks that have been placed in front of so many people in this um in this realm.
• 4:58
  But uh how we choose to overcome that every day, um, it is a choice, and that's a uh that's a challenge, but uh somebody's watching how we're doing that.
• 5:08
  So um that's where this piece comes in, and I think ties in directly with what you're talking about.
• 5:13
  I I couldn't agree more.
• 5:15
  And um you're speaking about typically leaders in uh the business world out in society, but I have found through my healing journey I'm having to be a leader for myself.
• 5:28
  Um, and and hopefully, like you were saying, then I could lead others into having better lives as well.
• 5:36
  Yeah.
• 5:36
  Yeah, I think I think for me, the one of the areas in which that comes out is uh my great-grandma, I think I said this in the thing, my great-grandma used to say, um, what's in the well comes out in the bucket.
• 5:48
  And it's got to be in you to come out through you.
• 5:51
  Um, and so being able to find that inner peace and inner joy um every day in some small aspect, and we talk a lot in this work about every step is a step.
• 6:01
  Uh, don't think you're not going anywhere.
• 6:02
  Whether if you got out of bed and you walked it, you know, if you got an inch farther in your journey today, you've taken a step in the right direction.
• 6:10
  And so it's gotta be inside of you, you gotta find it inside of you first to be able to help others and lead others through um the journey that they're onto.
• 6:18
  Yeah, I couldn't agree with Mark.
• 6:24
  So you keep referencing um he argues that building great cultures and committed teams, how these qualities also pertain to personal is positivity, is a choice.
• 6:51
  So for those experiencing anxiety and depression after trauma, um, you mentioned you know, just getting out of bed some days can be difficult.
• 6:58
  Um what do you have to say about finding positivity in our lives?
• 7:04
  Especially when we are without it for so long.
• 7:08
  Right, right.
• 7:09
  I I think that is um that's the part of this that is such a um, I would say, the challenge.
• 7:16
  Um I think I shared, I'm not naturally positive.
• 7:19
  Um, this is not a something I always had in my life.
• 7:24
  Um I did not have major childhood trauma by any means, um, but it is something that through it's been a process for me every day to wake up and say, I'm gonna choose a different way.
• 7:38
  Um, you know, this world is not naturally positive either.
• 7:41
  It it tries to find the issues with every day instead of finding the joy in every day.
• 7:46
  And I think that um one of the things is um not being polyana positive, is what John would call that, you know, that fake positive and just on the surface looking like the part.
• 7:58
  Um it is finding the um, and and we talk about it a lot, is uh faith and fear.
• 8:06
  Um besides the letter F, what they have in common is the fact that they both believe in a future that hasn't happened yet.
• 8:14
  Um, you know, and and if you're experienced and have experienced major trauma in your life, you've got to find a way.
• 8:20
  Faith believes in a positive future, um, fear believes in a negative future, but neither of those things have happened yet.
• 8:27
  Um, and you know, being able to look forward and say, you know, all the things that have happened in my past, um I'm going to continue to look forward and find a more positive future for me and for everybody around me.
• 8:40
  Um that's where the faith and fear come in come into play in making that choice every day that I'm going to choose today to find the joy in in what is coming forward because it hasn't happened yet.
• 8:52
  Right, right.
• 8:53
  Um what I have noticed in my experience is that um everything I experienced was the normal for me.
• 9:06
  Um negativity was normal.
• 9:10
  I didn't know what positivity was until you know some things happened or I made some choices.
• 9:18
  I was I was kind of like enlightened a little bit, and then I was like, ooh, I like this.
• 9:23
  Uh yeah, more of that.
• 9:25
  Um and so I chose then to go on and learn about it and make that choice, like you were saying, I want more positivity, I'm gonna go find it and find a way to make that happen for me in my life.
• 9:41
  Um how would you say that then we can change that mindset?
• 9:48
  Because I I don't feel that um who are maybe just kind of of their path necessarily know about how edit or even what it is.
• 10:09
  What would you recommend that we do what's in green in our mind ears?
• 10:16
  That's a great question.
• 10:17
  I think um I would I would say it's a lot of times I I would put it this way.
• 10:28
  There has to, as I said before, the the vision has to be greater than your circumstance.
• 10:34
  Um vision's great and we all need somewhere that we're going.
• 10:37
  In your you know situation, you were looking at I need a you didn't know once you felt it for the first time what that positivity could be, you wanted more of it.
• 10:46
  Um so let's just say our North Star, that North Star out there, that vision is a more positive future.
• 10:52
  Um that's great to talk about, and that, but again, it seems so far away that it can become overwhelming to just say, I'm never gonna get there.
• 11:02
  Um, I think the the biggest way to do that is to pull out a microscope and take three or one Zoom-focused actions that I'm going to focus on today to get me a brighter next five minutes, um, a next 10 minutes.
• 11:19
  How am I going to find a Zoom-focused action to get me to lunch today that says I'm going to have a great morning?
• 11:25
  Um, you know, as I always say, good Lord willing in the crick don't rise, I'm going to make it to lunch.
• 11:32
  And I'm going to find a way to be positive when I get there.
• 11:35
  Um, you know, and I would say that those Zoom-focused actions are the ways that in these circumstances that we can do that.
• 11:43
  It's it's great to have the vision in the North Star, we need it.
• 11:47
  But at the end of the day, we need a way to get there.
• 11:50
  And if you take off tomorrow in your car and try to get to California, and you refuse to stop at any gas stations, you're not going to get very far.
• 12:03
  Um, so we have to find ways throughout our day to fill up.
• 12:08
  Um, we got to take a 30-minute, we got to take a 30-minute, okay.
• 12:13
  I'm gonna go through this and then give me five minutes to reset myself, fuel myself back up, and find the find that zoom focused action to get me through lunch and then to dinner and then to bed and then back up in the morning.
• 12:27
  Um, I think that's the way um is just zoom-focused actions every day, and not a bunch of them.
• 12:33
  Baby steps, baby steps of how we can get through the day and figuring out what works for us.
• 12:39
  Um it's it's funny, you you you kind of just summed up how I have kind of gotten through my healing journey so far, and that was to focus on one thing at a time, and then kind of find some little self-rewards.
• 12:54
  Okay, once I get through this, I can have 10 or 15 minutes to read a book or to sit outside, or yeah, yeah, that's great.
• 13:04
  I know John talks a lot about um gratitude practices and finding ways, you know, even through major trauma, um, finding gratitude practices.
• 13:13
  He takes a gratitude walk every day.
• 13:15
  Um, you know, for me, I'm a handwritten note guy.
• 13:18
  I write handwritten notes to people of just telling them how thankful I am for them and what they do and how those things have impacted me.
• 13:26
  Um I think those are finding gratitude ways to express um what you're thankful for also shows you, even through some of our worst circumstances in life, there are there are things to be thankful for and people that we can be thankful for to help you through the journey.
• 13:44
  Yeah.
• 13:44
  Um, I think that's an excellent point too, because again, back to um trauma survivors, we've we've we're programmed to focus on that negative stuff.
• 13:55
  And so I I've had to at times really dig deep to find the positivity, to find what was good in the day or in that situation.
• 14:05
  Um, but wow, once I find it, yeah, yeah, uh, that's a good feeling.
• 14:10
  Yeah, that feels good.
• 14:11
  There was something, and it becomes easier the more you do it.
• 14:16
  It does, yeah.
• 14:17
  Uh I say a lot.
• 14:18
  One leads to two, two leads to four, four leads to eight, and then you're pushing.
• 14:22
  You know, one day leads to a second day, two days.
• 14:26
  Um, but I think perspective changes a lot of that.
• 14:30
  Um, you know, they they say how you see the world determines the world that you see.
• 14:35
  Um, I use this analogy a lot.
• 14:38
  Um, you know, you're driving down the road, and I've been this person on both sides of it.
• 14:42
  Um, you're driving down the road at 60 miles an hour and you have a tire blowout, you know, you pull to the side of the road, not flat, like blowout, like and you pull to the side of the road.
• 14:53
  Um when you see that person who pulls to the side of the road, if you get to experience the first 30 seconds in which they get out of the car, um there's probably some words that you probably don't want kids to hear, and that there's probably a little tire kicking, all of the things, right?
• 15:12
  Um the perspective is that a negative event just happened, which is true.
• 15:17
  It does stink that that happened.
• 15:19
  Absolutely.
• 15:20
  Yeah.
• 15:21
  But our perspective of pulling over could also be walking around to the other three tires and thanking them for not blowing out because you did make it to the side of the road.
• 15:31
  You are still in one piece, you are going to be 20 minutes late if you know how to change a tire.
• 15:36
  If you don't know how to change a tire, triple A is gonna it's gonna be an hour, but you will get there eventually.
• 15:42
  Um, but you are able to make it through the rest of your day.
• 15:46
  If two of those tires would have blown out, but the perspective is a positive perspective again, or a negative perspective, and it does change the outcome.
• 15:54
  Your your tire is the one, that's the outcome.
• 15:57
  It happened, right?
• 15:59
  Right.
• 15:59
  But which perspective am I looking at it with?
• 16:01
  And there's so many areas in life that today we just find and focus on that negative perspective instead of finding the positive.
• 16:08
  It doesn't always change the outcome, but it gives you the most positive outcome for the event that you didn't control.
• 16:15
  I recently did an episode about perspective, um, and then talking about how it's connected to reality.
• 16:22
  And I believe as humans, we can we confuse the two.
• 16:25
  Um if it's my perspective, it is my reality.
• 16:29
  However, in your set the situation you just talked about, the reality is the tire blue.
• 16:35
  That's the only reality there.
• 16:37
  Um the perspective then is how we handle exactly what you said.
• 16:40
  Yeah.
• 16:41
  Um, are we going to cuss and kick and throw a fit?
• 16:45
  Or are we gonna be thankful that we're still standing there?
• 16:48
  Yeah.
• 16:48
  Yeah, that's that's a great point.
• 16:51
  Um, I'm gonna jump to another topic.
• 16:53
  Um, you also talked about the book, The Energy Bus, also by John Gordon.
• 16:59
  Um, there are 10 rules in there for being a leader and staying positive.
• 17:04
  And again, I I found them so relevant to the healing process from trauma.
• 17:11
  So as we talk about these rules, I'd like to go through those, if that's all right, and and get your perspective on how we can implement these rules in our life.
• 17:21
  So the first one is that you're the driver on the energy bus.
• 17:26
  Um, you take responsibility for your life's direction.
• 17:30
  Some survivors, I think, struggle to see a way out of that negativity, or some use it as an excuse, really, for whatever happens in their lives.
• 17:40
  So, can you talk more about being the driver?
• 17:43
  How do you how do you take over that control?
• 17:47
  Yeah, I think uh, first of all, I would say uh the energy bust, the book.
• 17:51
  Um, I know John's had crazy amounts of bestsellers and all the different things.
• 17:56
  Um, this was the transpirational book for my life.
• 17:59
  Um, it led me down the path to the power of positive leadership and all the other things and getting the certification, but this book was the one.
• 18:06
  Um, and I think the number one rule we were just talking about, you're the driver of your bus.
• 18:13
  Um there are way too many times in our lives that we let others drive our bus.
• 18:18
  Um, I think if this rule of any of them is the one that we should come back to, and I think that's why I love it.
• 18:25
  It's number one.
• 18:26
  You should start every day understanding that you drive the bus.
• 18:30
  Nobody, unless you allow them, no one else drives your bus.
• 18:34
  Gandhi said, I will not let anybody walk through my mind with their dirty feet.
• 18:38
  Love that one.
• 18:39
  Yeah.
• 18:40
  There are so many people that we allow steer or drive our bus or push us to the side of the seat.
• 18:47
  Um, ultimately, at the end of the day, when you're on this journey, when you, you know, realize, in your case, when you realize you're on this trauma journey and you didn't understand it, waking up every morning and going, I'm driving this bus.
• 19:00
  No one else is gonna drive.
• 19:02
  Um, you know, I had a deep conversation with my daughter the other day, again, very upset about something.
• 19:08
  And over, you know, she's in fifth grade, you know, two more days of fifth grade and it should be in sixth grade.
• 19:12
  And she hits me with the well, this kid said this.
• 19:15
  And I said, Okay.
• 19:17
  Are they picking the kind of car that you're gonna buy when you're 16 years old?
• 19:21
  Are you having that car?
• 19:22
  Are you going to them and asking them what kind of car to buy?
• 19:26
  She said, No, Dad, why would I do that?
• 19:27
  I said, Then why did you just allow them to drive your bus?
• 19:30
  Why'd you allow them to say something that's affecting the next part of your day in your life?
• 19:36
  Like that's not that person isn't going to be doing that for you.
• 19:40
  So we can't allow them.
• 19:41
  And it goes back to your drive, you are in control.
• 19:45
  Um, I think, you know, again, as you talk about your journey and everybody going that's listening that's going through this journey, have to understand.
• 19:54
  I know in these situations, it may feel like you're not in control a lot of times, right?
• 20:00
  But you are the driver of the bus.
• 20:02
  Um, and finding out how to steer it and how to navigate through isn't ever going to be easy.
• 20:09
  But in this recovery process, you're a hundred percent you're the driver of the bus.
• 20:13
  You choose where you're going that day.
• 20:15
  Absolutely.
• 20:17
  I I will recognize that that has been a struggle for me throughout my journey, just because um I call them the voices, you know, the dark voices that come in from that trauma.
• 20:32
  I've allowed them to drive my bus for so long.
• 20:36
  And I feel like that was the moment at the seminar when you were talking about habits and how we can allow our habits to it.
• 20:45
  It was like the light bulb went off, and I went, oh my gosh, that's a terrible habit I have of allowing those thoughts to come in and control what's happening.
• 20:56
  I'm allowing them to drive my bus.
• 20:58
  Right, absolutely.
• 21:00
  That that I I almost started crying right there in the middle of the conference, and I'm like, get a grip, Michelle.
• 21:06
  Um, but but it was it was phenomenal for me to to recognize that.
• 21:11
  Um and and so that's that has been a huge impact for me.
• 21:15
  Um, yeah, to take over that responsibility and be like, no, no, you're not, you're not driving today.
• 21:20
  No, you're not.
• 21:21
  I am.
• 21:22
  I am.
• 21:22
  Yeah.
• 21:23
  Yeah.
• 21:24
  I think that is a I think that's a big part of this is understanding that piece.
• 21:29
  And and uh I think I talked about Dr.
• 21:32
  James Gills in that in that portion, you know, and and talking about our habits and what we allow.
• 21:38
  Like um, as you said, there are many voices that come over, and we allow so many negative truths to enter into our life of what either people have said or what society wants to influence you to believe.
• 21:52
  But um, Dr.
• 21:53
  James Gilles says he talks to himself instead of listening to himself, he tells himself why he can't go.
• 22:00
  He can tell, you know, I'm not going to, we got to speak truth to the negativity that society or people or you know, in these situations they're trying to push on to us.
• 22:10
  We've got to speak truth into that.
• 22:12
  Uh, you know, and again, even for me, you know, it's a daily battle to, you know, as an assistant superintendent, there's there's some people who want to speak some real negativity into the even the good things that you're trying.
• 22:23
  You got to speak truth into that in every daily life.
• 22:27
  Yeah.
• 22:28
  Um yeah, that was another um quote that you gave that that that really impacted me uh again as well.
• 22:37
  And for me to say, well, wait a minute, what am I doing?
• 22:42
  What am what am I allowing here?
• 22:45
  Um Yeah, so that would that was huge for me as well.
• 22:49
  Um the next rule desire, vision, and focus.
• 22:53
  Um move your bus in the right direction towards that positive vision.
• 22:58
  Um we've talked about this, I feel, you know, pretty much already.
• 23:03
  It this is a decision you have to make.
• 23:05
  Um it's just it's just something you have to do for yourself.
• 23:11
  I I feel uh some survivors out there, again, they just don't know how to do it, they're not sure what to do.
• 23:18
  Um, but that's part of the reason why I do what I'm doing is to try to get that message out there so that they see it.
• 23:25
  We have the we have the power to change it for ourselves.
• 23:30
  Yeah, I think you're right.
• 23:31
  I think we've talked about this piece.
• 23:33
  Uh, you know, it's it's a matter of you know taking the Zoom focused action to point yourself in the direction today.
• 23:40
  This is where I'm going.
• 23:41
  This is how I'm going to get there.
• 23:43
  You know, whether it's slow and steady or that's a breakthrough day and you are running that day, um, it is toward the right vision and purpose that you want for your life.
• 23:55
  Absolutely.
• 23:56
  The next one is fuel, excuse me, fuel your ride with positive energy.
• 24:01
  Uh, find the people that support your healing.
• 24:04
  Um wow, I mean, I it seems so sensible.
• 24:09
  Like, well, yeah, duh, you put positive people around you and you'll feel positive.
• 24:14
  But in relationships and in life, I don't have to tell you this, but it you can't always get rid of the people who aren't positive.
• 24:23
  Um if you have a job.
• 24:26
  Reciprocally, there are those people and you know, family.
• 24:31
  There there is the option of ridding yourself of the negative people, but that's not always a choice.
• 24:38
  So this one I enjoyed because I've make it a point to be around those positive people as much as possible, but when you can't, don't don't let them drive your bus.
• 24:51
  Right.
• 24:52
  Yeah, I think again, it goes back to that number one goal.
• 24:55
  You're driving your bus, and you there are certain people that are on your current bus because that's where life's put them.
• 25:04
  And right, right.
• 25:06
  You know, John would call them energy vampires, you know, they just suck the life out of you, right?
• 25:11
  But they're on your bus because they're in your circle or they're at your workplace or they're wherever it may be, and there's some of those people that are speaking that negative truth to you.
• 25:21
  Um, you have to rearrange their seat on the bus, you you know, uh, and sometimes you have to ask them to leave the bus.
• 25:29
  Right.
• 25:29
  Um, you know, when we do this one as a workshop, um, you know, the power or the energy bus is a workshop.
• 25:37
  You invite people, you you write a ticket to invite people on your bus.
• 25:42
  And then you also ask some people, hey, I know we've been really close for a long time, but I'm gonna need a break.
• 25:49
  Uh now, in the work setting, you can't just fire everybody.
• 25:52
  That doesn't work.
• 25:53
  Like you just can't say, Oh, I'm out, I'm out.
• 25:56
  Right.
• 25:56
  Um, but there are ways to coach them up.
• 26:00
  Right, right, yeah.
• 26:01
  Yeah, like there, there are ways to, you know, what's what's an energy vampire, any vampire not like?
• 26:08
  They don't like the light, so you have to shed light on them to say, hey, you are really sucking the life out of me right now for A, B, and C reasons.
• 26:17
  Um, and I need to find a way to be more optimistic and believe more in what's coming.
• 26:24
  And this is one of the ways I have to do that.
• 26:26
  Um, yeah, the biggest energy vampire person I would say that was in my life, uh, I guess that wasn't allowing me to fuel with positive energy.
• 26:37
  Um, this is crazy, but I wrote him a love letter.
• 26:41
  And I told the energy vampire all the things that I liked about them.
• 26:45
  Because when you're writing a love letter, guess what you're doing?
• 26:47
  You're not writing bad things, right?
• 26:49
  I mean, you're writing all the things that you like about the person.
• 26:53
  And what I realized when writing this letter was the person was an energy vampire because they felt disrespected, they didn't feel like what they were doing was valued.
• 27:04
  Um, and I never had to give the letter.
• 27:06
  What it did was change my perspective on how I treated that person, right?
• 27:10
  And yeah, then their perspective started changing toward me.
• 27:14
  Um, it wasn't on purpose, but that's that's one of the ways that we can do that.
• 27:21
  Yeah, that's wonderful.
• 27:22
  So we we just talked about a couple of these um in that conversation.
• 27:26
  Invite people on your bus.
• 27:28
  You you decide who you want there, or like you said, rearrange the seats um and don't waste energy on those who don't get on.
• 27:36
  Um that's been a struggle for me.
• 27:39
  Um with the trauma part, you know, I felt um rejected and and I needed acceptance.
• 27:47
  And so I wanted everybody to be on my bus.
• 27:49
  Come get on my bus.
• 27:50
  You'll love it, you'll love me, you know.
• 27:52
  Please love me.
• 27:53
  Um but now I've yeah, I've learned there's there's people I don't I don't need those people on my bus.
• 28:00
  Um, and then the next one, no energy vampires allowed.
• 28:03
  Protect your energy.
• 28:05
  Um removing no, go ahead.
• 28:11
  It's okay.
• 28:11
  Let me go back to um don't waste energy on those who don't want to get on the bus.
• 28:17
  You said that's a struggle, it's a struggle for everyone.
• 28:20
  I think this is one of the most challenging rules for the ride at your life.
• 28:26
  Now, again, it's your life, it's your bus, you're driving it.
• 28:30
  But so many times we want those people, again, think about trauma.
• 28:36
  Those are the people that you knew.
• 28:37
  You want them to see you valued or appreciated or all of the things, but yeah, there is a moment in time where you have to say, I cannot allow you on the bus.
• 28:49
  I can't allow you on the bus.
• 28:51
  Um, and then I can think many times where you've invited someone that you think you guys are like this, like this this is my guy or this is my girl, like and they're like, No, no.
• 29:04
  And it hurts, that hurts, but absolutely we only want people that want to be on the bus.
• 29:11
  And if you have the right culture and mentality in your own life, um, as we get down to you know, enthusiasm attracts more passengers, yes, which is the next one, right?
• 29:21
  You get yeah, once you get to where you want to be internally, there are a lot more people that want to get on your bus too.
• 29:27
  Um, and that will naturally start to happen.
• 29:29
  Yeah.
• 29:30
  I I I see it in my own life now that I'm on my healing journey, and now that I'm seeing my worth and seeing what I want in my life, more of those people are being attracted to me.
• 29:43
  Uh, you know, I'm just I'm just they're coming into my life.
• 29:46
  Yeah, it's great.
• 29:48
  Um, which then goes to the next one of love your passengers.
• 29:52
  Build those strong relationships.
• 29:55
  If if if it's a person who either doesn't want to be on our bus or shouldn't be on our bus, that's not gonna happen.
• 30:03
  Those strong relationships are not going to happen.
• 30:06
  And what I have found is the people who want to be on my bus, those those people who are positive, the relationships are so much stronger.
• 30:15
  And it's it's to me, it's almost like crack.
• 30:17
  Like I want more of that.
• 30:19
  You know, now that I see what positive, healthy relationships are, I can't get enough of this.
• 30:25
  Um, right.
• 30:26
  And that has made it easier to determine who gets to sit at the front of my bus or who gets kicked off.
• 30:34
  Yeah.
• 30:35
  Right.
• 30:35
  Absolutely.
• 30:36
  I think I think that's a big part of it.
• 30:37
  Um, you know, loving your passengers is, you know, is again, it's your journey through it.
• 30:44
  You want to be around people that you want to be around.
• 30:46
  Um, and we don't have to spend, you know, we get a very short amount of time on this world.
• 30:52
  Um, you know, and so we should spend it allowing ourselves, again, our own selves to be filled up and encouraged with people that love you, and also pouring out all that we have every day on people that want to be poured out too.
• 31:09
  Um, and again, I'll go back to fueling your own ride.
• 31:13
  Like you can't pour out of an empty glass.
• 31:16
  So if if you don't set some time aside for self-care and to build yourself back up, it's hard to love your passengers and keep building.
• 31:24
  Um, connection and care are the two things that put this all over the top.
• 31:29
  Um, if you truly care about somebody and you're truly connected with them, you will move heaven and earth to make sure that they have a better experience for them and they'll do the same in return for you.
• 31:40
  Exactly.
• 31:40
  And I think that's the key right there to a healthy relationship.
• 31:45
  Um as going through trauma, the looking back at so many unhealthy relationships I was involved in, that was the key.
• 31:54
  It was all about them and what they needed and never about what what I needed or or what they could do for me.
• 32:02
  Yeah.
• 32:04
  Yeah.
• 32:05
  Um, next rule is drive with purpose.
• 32:08
  Um, I think we kind of we kind of hit on this too of we have to decide for ourselves what we want.
• 32:15
  Um, do we want positivity?
• 32:17
  Are we gonna settle for the negativity?
• 32:19
  What what do you want out of your life?
• 32:21
  And I I I have said before in in episodes, this healing journey is not easy.
• 32:27
  Um, it is difficult to get through it for everyone.
• 32:31
  You know, you you said that just getting up in the morning sometimes, that's a difficult thing to do sometimes.
• 32:36
  But when I do it and when I practice the things I need to practice and when I build those strong relationships, it is so worth it to have that positivity and happiness in my life.
• 32:50
  So it's hard, I think, for a lot of people to get in the driver's seat.
• 32:55
  It's hard for some of them to even get on the bus, right?
• 32:59
  But but wow, once we get to our destination, it it's amazing.
• 33:05
  It's amazing.
• 33:06
  Yeah, I think you know, driving with purpose, um, this rule and all of John's stuff is you got people don't get burnt out because they uh of what they're doing, they get burnt out because you forget why you're doing it.
• 33:19
  Um, and purpose drives that.
• 33:21
  Like, why am I getting up?
• 33:23
  Why am I doing that?
• 33:24
  Um, and I will throw in uh John Gordon worked with Damon West um to do a book called uh The Coffee Bean.
• 33:34
  Um and it talks about a carrot, an egg, and a coffee bean, and the three those are three types of days that we all have.
• 33:42
  Um we want to be we want to be a coffee bean every day.
• 33:48
  Um because life and what you're going through and all these um folks are going through is life's a pot of boiling water.
• 33:55
  Like it that's what it is.
• 33:57
  Um what happens to a carrot when you put it in a pot of boiling water?
• 34:02
  It gets soft and mushy and melts, right?
• 34:04
  I mean, on the surface, I always think of Bucks Bunny when he pulls a carrot out of the ground, it is it makes that crack, right?
• 34:11
  It's it's hard, it seems tough.
• 34:13
  Um, when you put it in a pot of boiling water called life, it gets really mushy and and just kind of disintegrates and falls apart.
• 34:20
  We have we have carrot days where you wake up strong and think everything's gonna go, and then just life happens and you melt.
• 34:29
  Um what happens to an egg when you put it in boiling water, right?
• 34:32
  It's hard on the outside, but it's got this malleable heart in there that's all soft and mushy.
• 34:37
  You put it in life, pot of boiling water, and it gets really hard and bitter.
• 34:41
  We have those days where bitterness creeps in on this journey.
• 34:45
  No matter how far along you are on the journey, you're going to have egg days.
• 34:50
  Right.
• 34:50
  The goal is to be a coffee bean every day because what happens to coffee when a coffee bean when you put it in boiling water?
• 34:57
  Well, it's not water anymore, it's sweet nectar from the gods.
• 35:00
  It is coffee.
• 35:02
  Right, it transforms the water, right?
• 35:05
  So coffee beans aren't transformed by the environment they're put in, they transform the environment.
• 35:11
  That is the goal, that's the journey that you're on.
• 35:14
  You're going to have carrot days where you're transformed and you're, you know, you get all mushy and just like fall apart.
• 35:21
  You're gonna have carrot or egg days where you get hard and bitter a little bit and all the things.
• 35:27
  It is understanding in those moments to stop.
• 35:30
  I'm having an egg day.
• 35:32
  I better stop myself, better check, reset so that I can transform and give everyone around me and myself the energy that I deserve.
• 35:42
  That's a great point.
• 35:43
  And and I I've mentioned in uh some of my episodes about that healing journey that you know, sometimes we're heading down that path.
• 35:52
  Uh sometimes we get distracted and take a side route, or we're too tired to go on, we have to stop and take a break.
• 35:59
  It's it's like the carrot days and the egg days.
• 36:02
  It's okay, it's normal.
• 36:05
  That's acceptable.
• 36:07
  But again, it we go back to that perspective.
• 36:09
  Okay, so what are we gonna do with that now?
• 36:11
  Are we gonna become a carbon bean or are we just gonna stay there as a carrot and an egg?
• 36:15
  Right.
• 36:16
  It's perfectly fine to have those days.
• 36:18
  We all have those days, moments, times, and our it's not okay to live in them.
• 36:22
  It's not okay to stay in them.
• 36:24
  Yes, um, and I think as the journey goes, some people just go, uh, which is just what it's going to be.
• 36:30
  No, it doesn't have to be.
• 36:31
  Again, that goes back to the next day.
• 36:33
  Wake up, make your choice for you, drive your bus and say, I'm gonna drive toward a more positive future.
• 36:40
  For sure.
• 36:41
  Which brings us to the last rule of have fun and enjoy the ride.
• 36:45
  Um, embrace the journey and not just the destination.
• 36:49
  So don't just focus on I have to be healed by next week, I have to get over all of these issues that my parents put upon me.
• 36:59
  I gotta change my whole mind.
• 37:01
  Everything has to change and everything has to be done right now.
• 37:04
  Um, I'm 15 years into my healing journey, and I don't want that to sound discouraging to anyone that, oh my God, it takes that long.
• 37:12
  Are you kidding me?
• 37:13
  Um it's it's just a process.
• 37:16
  And and I have moved forward on that journey the entire time.
• 37:23
  Sure, there's been a few slowdowns, sure there's been a few times I tripped over something, but it's so been worth that process.
• 37:32
  So don't don't don't let your your bus run out of gas, don't let it break down.
• 37:39
  Um keep your keep your engine going and and and enjoy that ride and stay on that bus.
• 37:45
  Enjoy it.
• 37:46
  Like um, you know, I said to people all the time, when they ask me, How are you doing, right?
• 37:52
  In life, and I'll say, I'm living my best life.
• 37:56
  Yeah, the reason I say that is because and then I'll follow up because they will look at me like, Are you kidding me?
• 38:01
  Like, and I'm like, well, it's the only one I've got, like it's the only one I've got.
• 38:05
  No one's proving to me that reincarnation's real.
• 38:08
  So this is the only, this is not a pretense.
• 38:12
  This is it.
• 38:13
  This is yeah, this is the real thing.
• 38:15
  So I've got to choose.
• 38:18
  Right.
• 38:18
  Like, and again, if reincarnation is real, I'm coming back as a whale anyway.
• 38:23
  So I'm coming back to just make the biggest splash in water that I can.
• 38:27
  There you go, love it, love it.
• 38:29
  But yeah, like you know, I always say live in the dream, or I am living my best life because this is the only one I got.
• 38:35
  I gotta make the most of it.
• 38:37
  That's funny.
• 38:37
  I say live in the dream every time someone asks me that.
• 38:40
  Yeah.
• 38:40
  I think you can see uh live in the dream every day.
• 38:44
  Right?
• 38:44
  There it is.
• 38:45
  Yeah, that's my live in the dream.
• 38:46
  Oh, I love it.
• 38:48
  I need to put that in my office as well.
• 38:49
  Yeah, I need to get an office first, but anyway, that's another that's that's another conversation.
• 38:55
  So um I again I can't thank you enough for being here today and talking with me.
• 39:01
  Um, all good, good stuff.
• 39:03
  Is there anything else you would like to uh to tell our listeners before we stop today?
• 39:11
  No, I I first of all, I'm gonna thank you.
• 39:13
  This has been incredible.
• 39:14
  Um, it's an honor to even be thought about having this conversation.
• 39:19
  Um, and I want I would just tell everyone, just keep getting, keep moving forward.
• 39:24
  Um, you know, every step is a step, every inch is an inch.
• 39:28
  Um keep on your journey, find a way um every day to surround yourself with the people that make you want to get out of bed and find your purpose.
• 39:36
  Um and again, as rule number 10 says, have fun and enjoy the ride.
• 39:41
  Not every day, all day is great, but you can find joy in every day.
• 39:45
  Um embrace those moments and uh just keep on the journey, and I greatly appreciate the time.
• 39:52
  I I can't thank you enough for being here.
• 39:54
  It's been um a wonderful conversation.
• 39:57
  And uh anytime you want to come back, just let me know.
• 40:02
  You let me know, I'll be happy to.
• 40:04
  Alrighty.
• 40:04
  Thanks, Adam.
• 40:06
  Thank you.
• 40:08
  It was a real pleasure getting to talk to Adam today, and I hope you enjoyed it too.
• 40:13
  The big takeaway here is that no matter our situation, our past, or our present, we had the choice of how we will respond to all of that.
• 40:22
  We are the drivers of our bus.
• 40:24
  Are we going to drive it down the road of positivity or negativity?
• 40:29
  Even the road of positivity can be bumpy sometimes, but it is a road that can lead you to brighter days.
• 40:36
  Check out my website, breakingarborders.com, where I will post the books by John Gordon that we talked about today, and a journal prompt to go along with today's episode.
• 40:46
  You can also find me on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube.
• 40:51
  Thanks for listening.