Latest / Voices for Voices® / Tired, Imperfect, Still Learning | Real Talk On Fatherhood

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Tired, Imperfect, Still Learning | Real Talk On Fatherhood · Voices for Voices®

• 0:02
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Hi everyone, it's Justin here, Voices for Voices.
• 0:05
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Thank you very much for joining us.
• 0:07
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Whether you're watching, listening here in the United States or across the world, whether this is your first episode or you've been with us from the beginning, welcome to all new viewers and listeners.
• 0:21
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We have over 550 episodes.
• 0:26
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So please be sure to uh take a look at the catalog we have of episodes, guest topics, hard topics, easy topics, light topics, deep topics, uh all rooted in mental health, trauma, recovery.
• 0:45
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And if you could do us a big favor, uh it's free to do.
• 0:49
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: If you can give us a big thumbs up, like, follow, subscribe, share, reshare, repost.
• 0:56
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And if you're able to uh whether you're watching, listening on your mobile device, you can reach out to uh 25, 50, 100 of your contacts and just share the voices for voices, podcast and TV show with them.
• 1:14
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We do have this overarching goal that we want to reach and help at least three billion.
• 1:21
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: That's billion with a B.
• 1:25
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Like a B billion.
• 1:28
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We want to reach and help at least three billion people over the course of my lifetime and beyond.
• 1:35
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh I can't, our team, we we can't do it alone, and we don't have 550 plus episodes um without you.
• 1:46
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: If you're not viewing, if you're not watching, downloading, listening, uh, we don't have a show, we don't have an organization.
• 1:54
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh, we just wrapped up uh the month of July, and we had the third highest um analytic-wise that we're able to see uh the third highest download number for the month of July, all the way going back to I think we had episodes maybe in 2022, 2023.
• 2:26
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh so it's saying something, and it's saying something that you're here, you're watching, you're listening.
• 2:36
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh welcome to our friends, welcome to our enemies.
• 2:42
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Um, we will, as always, share in good faith, public safety, public service announcements, um, where and when we see them and hear them.
• 2:57
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And uh that's just that's just part of I think everyday life for people, whether you have a show, whether you are in the public eye, like I am uh across the world, 100 and I think 118 countries now.
• 3:17
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh need some help.
• 3:19
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Let's get that, let's get that reach up to 300 countries.
• 3:23
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh over a thousand.
• 3:26
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I think we're in 1200 or so cities that are uh are with us.
• 3:34
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So thank you.
• 3:35
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We're grateful to have you with us.
• 3:38
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And I invite you after you do all those free things like follow, subscribe, share, reshare, repost, and reach out to your contacts and share the voices for voices, podcast and tv show.
• 3:53
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh, that you take a look at the description and check out our merch store, our merch shop.
• 4:02
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We have a lot of fantastic merchandise items that you can get, anybody can get with an internet connection.
• 4:14
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And voices for voices is a 501c3 nonprofit.
• 4:20
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So any purchase you make, any donation at lovevoices.org uh is 100% tax deductible here in the United States.
• 4:32
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh, if uh as we have a lot of a lot of people tuning in and joining us from outside the United States, you just want to check with your your tax preparer uh how that works for you.
• 4:46
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Um but yeah, we're we're here.
• 4:51
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Could have given up hundreds of times, probably thousands.
• 4:55
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh but we're here, and I wanted to I wanted to touch on a uh a real close-to-home subject of what it's like to be a dad uh here in now August of 2026.
• 5:18
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I'm not the nobody's perfect, I'm not anywhere even close to that.
• 5:24
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I mess up on things all the all the time.
• 5:30
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh and just try to try to get better at them.
• 5:38
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Um but there's nothing like being a dad who watches their children or and or children or child, so one or more do what they like to do.
• 5:58
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: What makes them smile?
• 6:00
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: What makes them do maybe different extracurriculars, maybe they're they're playing soccer or baseball, or uh maybe they're into ballet or gymnastics, uh, whatever that may be.
• 6:22
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I've had the honor and privilege to be a dad.
• 6:28
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And again, while I falter at times, sometimes a lot, uh I do the best I can, and nothing nothing compares to as being a dad to see my uh my wife, our child uh smile and laugh and play and be a be a kid.
• 7:07
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And that's not always the case.
• 7:12
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Especially when, you know, here in the United States we have summer, so we have I don't know, something like if it's two whole months off, just depending where they're at, you know, if they're in elementary or high school and that it and different different parts of the country.
• 7:30
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh some have school all year round, and uh but anyways, nothing nothing compares to just seeing seeing a child or children happy and do things that they love to do.
• 7:58
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I I ask, you know, from time to time, like do you like what you're doing?
• 8:06
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Because we don't force we don't force our children, child to do what they don't want to do.
• 8:17
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: In fact, it's the opposite.
• 8:19
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: There's so much that we have to do uh a little bit of process of elimination because as we know, different parts, different sports, athletics, ballet, gymnastics, there's different timings on that.
• 8:44
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Like what the class might run all year for many years, like for several years.
• 8:50
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: It may be for eight weeks, it may be that it starts on Mondays for the first four weeks, and then maybe it switches to maybe a Thursday, and then maybe it started at five, and then now it's starting at six forty-five.
• 9:13
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And so we all know how that is just as being humans of there's so much that we can we can do as humans, and it's a good problem to have when there are so many activities that bring joy to you and yours, whether you're a parent or guardian, and as well as mine and my wife, with ours, and you know, there's a lot of books out there talking about what to expect, uh, things you can do.
• 10:06
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: You know, that one of the first ones is you know, before the you know the child or children, children that there's uh you know, twins or triplets or um is you know, we start with a plan of like, oh well, when you when when there's when you're sleeping, then I'll I'll do this, and then when I'm sleeping.
• 10:39
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Because as I have the last few weeks uh heard conversations about oh well, you know, when when when when when the baby's born, that this is how we're gonna handle it.
• 11:03
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And it's a whirlwind, like my child, my what my wife and my child, I mean once you you know bring new life into the world, it's almost like so many other things don't matter.
• 11:38
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I give an example, or don't matter as much.
• 11:43
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I give an example, sports.
• 11:47
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So I've been an avid sports fan of various teams over the year, various sports over the years, and a lot of times the games are in the evening, six, seven, eight, you know, and then time zones too.
• 12:13
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: You know, they're if they're traveling to a different time zone, then you know, there's gonna be a little bit of a difference in the the starting time of the game or match or competition.
• 12:32
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And so before you know we we brought our child into the world, I mean, first off, the you know, we we I I've talked so much about the mental health aspect, I'll continue to talk about that as that that's the very foundation of not just our podcast, but our organization.
• 13:04
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I don't know CL Sports Lake just went on the back burner, but it kind of did.
• 13:18
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Yeah, I still tried to catch some games here and there, and you know, you may know if you have or know somebody who has a child or multiple children.
• 13:38
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: The you gotta run on their schedule.
• 13:40
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Like when they're hungry, like they have they have to eat when they go potty, you you know, they they have to be changed.
• 13:55
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh yeah, they need to be burped.
• 14:00
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: There's just things making sure that where they're gonna be sleeping is safe and secure because it's it's a real person, uh, real life.
• 14:19
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: It isn't a stuffed animal.
• 14:24
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: This is like a real living, breathing person and it is just uh one of the best experiences that I've had and will continue to have of being a dad.
• 14:51
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: You know, and I was you know, in my twenties and in that um family, I kind of put family on the back burner, like totally because I did I wanted to do the things I wanted to do.
• 15:16
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And family things weren't very high on that list for me.
• 15:27
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And then when I hit that at that bottom, that valley, I don't know, health-wise, and just health in general, and then bring a new life into the world shortly thereafter.
• 15:48
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: It helped give life like an extra extra bonus of purpose of I and you were on earth for specific reasons.
• 16:21
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: As I mentioned, doesn't matter who your higher power is or not, um I you know, I think for me of God there's gotta be reasons why I'm still here.
• 16:46
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: It's hard to talk about these things.
• 16:50
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: But when you see a baby being born in the first time, the first chance that you have to hold.
• 17:49
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: You know, uh newborn within like the last twenty, thirty minutes.
• 18:01
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I know there's people out in the world that aren't able to see, aren't able to hear.
• 18:24
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Could be a quadruple, could be anything.
• 18:33
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And so I I didn't take for granted that moment, that first moment that I had.
• 18:50
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: You know, you're in a birthing suite, so there's a lot of space for family for bags, because just going through the process could take a couple days.
• 19:07
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Um, anyways when we made eye contact it was just like I helped bring new life into the world.
• 19:39
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And it might not seem to some people, and these those people I'm not I'm not talking to you about this subject.
• 19:51
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I'm talking about the people that understand what it's like to have a child, to care for a child, and not the alternative that is plaguing our society and our you know, different parts of the world.
• 20:17
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And so now when there's different athletics and sports that our child wants to do, we we want we want that experience for as many as many athletics or the arts or w what gymnastics we we want there to be that experience of being part of a team and even if it's not a competitive team, like the the group of people that you do your activity with.
• 21:14
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I can think of like a camp kind of thing.
• 21:22
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Meeting new people and then the whole trying to do the best you can to keep them safe.
• 21:35
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And so that that really brings us to kind of that current state that we've had on the last couple episodes.
• 21:46
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Yeah, no child is for sale, no human is for sale.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_01: Especially no children are for sale.
• 22:06
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Then I've been ridiculed.
• 22:08
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Doesn't bother me.
• 22:15
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: It's caused me to try to do the best that I can.
• 22:24
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Some things we can see with progress.
• 22:29
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Others we may not see the fruits of our labor for a period of time.
• 22:48
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And that's okay.
• 22:52
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: The old patience is a virtue, being patient is a virtue.
• 22:58
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I'm one of the most impatient people that you'll ever meet.
• 23:08
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: However, over a period of time, I've learned and try to learn and try to put into practice being patient.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_01: It's so hard.
• 23:35
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We want it.
• 23:39
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We want things now.
• 23:44
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Right?
• 23:45
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Just like the apps, some of the apps we have on our phone.
• 23:49
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Something's on our mind.
• 23:51
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We may go to it and go, I'm gonna buy that today.
• 23:54
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: It's gonna get shipped to me in the next couple hours, the next day, overnight.
• 24:05
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And while that can be a good thing, it can also be something that retracts.
• 24:18
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: But getting back to being a parent, it's hard at times.
• 24:30
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: It's really hard at times, just like life in general is very hard at times, and that's why having goals, no matter how small, there's no goal that is too small.
• 24:55
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: That's why we dream.
• 25:05
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I'm gonna help be a part of this cause this organization.
• 25:19
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Or I just want to be myself and and just learn.
• 25:35
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And by trying new things, we're learning.
• 25:40
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We're learning whether we like it, we're we're learning whether we don't like it.
• 25:54
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: But I'll design on this.
• 25:58
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Being a parent is one of I feel like one of my greatest accomplishments.
• 26:19
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Again, I'm not perfect.
• 26:21
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Nobody is.
• 26:23
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I falter every day at one thing or another.
• 26:32
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: But there's nothing that will take away my love, compassion, empathy, just being there for our child, whether that's in conversation or whether it's not.
• 26:59
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Like with my dad, we'd be in the same room for watching a ball game or something for a couple hours, then we might only have a couple sentence conversations over that time.
• 27:14
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Just being there made me feel secure, supportive.
• 27:30
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So thank you to all the parents, all the guardians, all the people that are helping our young people be the best that they want to be at what they want to do.
• 27:48
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We shouldn't force them into something.
• 27:51
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We can give them an option and say, Do you want to try it once?
• 27:59
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: anybody's thinking about how adding to their family.
• 28:15
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Just can't.
• 28:17
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I try to, just can't.
• 28:27
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So again, thank you to all parents.
• 28:29
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Thank you just to every human that's watching and listening.
• 28:33
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: You're all a part of the Voices for Voices family.
• 28:37
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Whether you've watched or listened again to all of our episodes, or if this is your first episode, or if you only watched or listened to like 30 seconds of a show, to consider everybody in the world as part of the Voices for Voices family.
• 29:03
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So until next time, let's celebrate all the voices in the world.
• 29:09
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And let's be a voice for not just ourselves, but maybe somebody else that isn't able to have their voice amplified.
• 29:25
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And you can reach out if you like to be a guest on our show.
• 29:29
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: It'd be our pleasure to have you on our show for the right reasons.
• 29:42
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So until next time, please be safe.
• 29:47
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We're sending our love and support to you and yours.
• 29:52
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Have a great day.
• 29:53
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Bye bye for now.