Latest / She Speaks to Scale / 19. Speaking Habit #1: Why you Keep Talking (And How to Fix It)
Transcript
- Sarah Collins: Hello and welcome to She Speaks the Scale with me, Sarah Collins. the podcast that empowers women in business to own their voice, be heard and create impact, one communication insight at a time. a former senior television producer for ITV and ITN. It's my mission to bring the communication skills we need to thrive in today's world of business to the generation of women who simply weren't taught them. Whether it's scaling your authority and stepping into thought leadership, scaling your impact on camera on stage and beyond, or scaling your revenue through speaking opportunities, this podcast will help you use your voice to be heard so you're trusted and remembered when it matters most. Before we begin, if a speaking opportunity came your way tomorrow, would you pass on it, say yes through the nerves or confidently agree? Understanding your speaker identity is the first step to being able to scale and I have a quiz to help you do just It takes two minutes to complete and we'll tell you where you are now and your potential next steps on your speaking journey. I'll drop the link in the show notes. Welcome to my Summer Speaking Habits series. Over the next four weeks of solo podcast episodes, I'll be addressing different concerns and questions that my clients have had when it comes to using their voice and speaking to scale within their business. These habits can undermine your credibility, show a perceived lack of confidence, and can mean your audience loses trust in you. These are habits that have crept into the way you speak, perhaps due to a physical reaction when put under pressure, or simply not being armed with the right tools to know that there is another way. The great news is that as they are habits, they can be unlearned, which is crucial if we are to have personal and professional growth as a speaker. So today's episode focuses on something I'm sure we're all guilty of doing. Have you ever found yourself talking for the sake of talking? Not really making any kind of a point. You're aware that you've said more than enough, or you're not really sure of the point you're making. So you keep speaking. And what am I talking about? The good old art of rambling. Now rambling comes from a place of one of four things. Wanting to sound more thorough, thinking out loud, filling awkward silences, and the nerves taking over. and we're going to take each one of these and speak about it in more detail. So wanting to sound more thorough. You keep talking because in your mind this means you're providing more value and giving more information about the point you are trying to make. We have a need to sound more credible and we think this means saying more, but in fact, this has a negative impact and it's the opposite of what we're trying to achieve. So thinking out loud, you start talking before the thought is fully formed in your head. So your words are trying to catch up with your brain. You don't know really what the point is that you're trying to say, so others will struggle to understand too. And you might hear your inner chatter here saying, just stop talking. And really, actually, we need to start listening to that. Feeling awkward silences. We live in a world of constant notifications and background noise. So silence has become unfamiliar to us. I actually see this with one of my daughters. If we're going somewhere together and for whatever reason we stop talking and there's silence, even for a couple of seconds, she says, What are we going to talk about now? I think this generation coming through now are perhaps even worse than we are. So if those awkward pauses do come about, we perceive it as a social rejection, a sign that communication or or a connection has broken down, which obviously she does in this case. This is why one of our instant reactions is just to keep talking, so that we don't have to experience it. And this act of social anxiety means we fear these silences and will do anything we can to prevent them, including to keep talking when we don't really have anything of substance to say. And the nerves taking over. We all respond differently when in a stressful situation. When a person keeps talking, this could be their body's physical reaction to feeling nervous. Maybe it's the coping mechanism they have taught themselves over the years. Your adrenaline kicks in, and for some, this means they just keep talking. So, what is rambling actually costing you? When a person rambles, This means the audience has a lot of work to do. They have to process everything you are saying. And as we have short attention spans, this means that the points you want them to take away are more likely to become diluted. You lose time, the time to talk, whether in an interview, a meeting, or online, it becomes limited. There'll be less time for a two-way conversation, questions to be asked, or the right information to be shared It's another reason why we should limit rambling at all costs. And you lose credibility. If you go into a professional setting without having prepared and you start to ramble, it really does undermine your credibility. the most confident communicators speak with clarity, conviction, and confidence. And those that ramble do jeopardize this. So, the opposite to rambling is saying more with less and making the words that you do say count. When you can keep your answers clear and on track, this helps you to sound more confident and credible. It helps your message become more memorable and it builds your own confidence, knowing that you've delivered with impact and to the best of your ability. So awareness is key here. I want you to notice when you are rambling, notice the situation. or how your body feels in that moment, what is going on for you. So, how can you stop this from happening? So, tip one, organize your thoughts. prepare ahead of time to give yourself an intention behind what you have to say rather than diluting it. And if you don't have any time to prepare, then just be really conscious of how much you are speaking, and when you've made your point, bring it to a close. Tip two, say your main point first. This is key, especially in a situation where time may be limited, such as an interview where you've only got three to five minutes. Saying your main point first means you've got the most important piece of information out the way before carrying on. Lead with it, then adding some supporting details. That way, even if you get cut off or run out of time, your key message is already delivered. And become an active listener. Learn to place the focus on what others are saying first before you respond. That way you can adapt what you are saying in line with what you've heard, and you'll also become curious about what others to say, taking the focus off you and onto them instead. And that means you really won't want to ramble. So the next time you're in a conversation, an interview scenario, or a meeting, notice when you've made your point and then stop. This is how you start to trust that what you've said is enough and you could stop rambling unintentionally. Thank you for listening to this episode of She Speaks to Scale. If you liked the episode or you think it will be useful for someone else, please follow and leave a review. Don't forget there's a link to my speaker identity quiz in the show notes. It takes just two minutes to find out where you are now on your speaking journey and what your next move should be. Remember to speak with intention, not hesitation and let your voice be heard.