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The "Come Home Anyway" Rule: How to Truly Protect Your Kids · The Parent Tap

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_02: You call yourself the lucky one.
• 0:01
  SPEAKER_02: You you said justice was woven into your DNA from a very young age.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_02: Can you take us back?
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_02: What was Jenny Sue as a girl like?
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_02: And before you know the world ever got a chance to tell you.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_01: That's a great question.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_01: I gosh, I survived being trafficked as a child.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_01: So I would like to just, you know, lay that foundation for listeners if they're listening in a car with littles or if this material's triggering that they can put headphones on or walk away.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_01: Saying that I'll keep it, you know, pretty, pretty safe and PG and focused on prevention.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_01: But my story is one of being trafficked as a child.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_01: And I was sold into the sex trade by my grandfather at the age of four.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_01: And so I didn't really have time before that to know what the world was like.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_01: I grew up in a very unsafe and problematic world.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_01: He sold me the first time I was four.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_01: And then what followed was 14 years of violence, being exploited and raped for profit until at 17, the day after a failed suicide attempt, I found a means of escape.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_01: I would say God provided my rescue and escape.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_01: And so now that informs my work that I do.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_01: I have an international countertrafficking organization called Compass 31.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm I'm happy to share as much or as little of my story as you're interested in.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_01: But my my goal here is I don't want parents listening to leave just horrified by what happened to me.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_01: I want them to understand what my story and so many others can teach us about making other children safer.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_02: I'm so interested in how you became, you know, like obviously you went through the horrific stuff you did, but how you developed into just the amazing human and and, you know, kind of going through your your whole journey after that.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_02: I that's just incredible to hear about.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_01: That is exactly why I call myself the lucky one.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_01: I published my story in 2016, and the title of it is The Lucky One, because so few survive and and survive with the ability to go on and use experience in a transformative way.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_01: And you ask, you know, how that happened.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_01: And I I don't want to be preachy or proselytized.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_01: For me, faith is a really important piece.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like I encountered Jesus several times during my exploitation.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_01: He showed up in the darkest, darkest places.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_01: And and so I credit that with my my freedom, a relentless love that pursues us.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_01: I believe humans are made in the image of love of God, and that restoration is entirely possible.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_01: So I had, despite the violence of my childhood, I had this relentless love chasing me down and holding me together.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_01: Um, when my body was shattered, my mind was shattered, but my soul stayed intact.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_01: And it's that that I carry forward that's really the most empowering piece of my work.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_01: I work with survivors.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I've traveled and worked across 43 nations now, and we have restoration programs operating in five countries.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_01: And the most empowering aspect is to work with survivors from we little biddies to grown-ups and say, I promise there's another side to this.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_01: Keep on keeping on.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_01: There is joy, there is freedom, there is purpose beyond what you've experienced.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, no, I love that.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_02: And from what I've understood is Compass 31 is faith-rooted, how faith shaped your healing and what role, you know, hope plays in the restoration of survivors that you serve.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I love that invitation.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you, Ryan.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_01: I always want to tread carefully because a lot of the people I serve and even in the counter-trafficking world have been injured by men in the church, by pastors.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_01: And so it is a complex issue to navigate.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_01: So thank you for the invitation.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_01: I think the best way to answer that is to just share my first encounter with Jesus and how that formed how I survived.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_01: And it was immediately after the first time I was sold, the first time I was four.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_01: Um, my grandfather had taken me to the train station to work with him that day.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_01: And I was this bouncy little blonde-headed, piggytailed girl bouncing around the train station, being spoiled rotten all day long.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I was the only kid.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_01: It was all men, all roughnecks, and they were giving me candy and delighting in me.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_01: And I was delighting in being delighted in, you know, completely oblivious to what violence could mean.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_01: And spent the day there with my grandfather.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_01: Most of the day I spent with one man in particular.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_01: And it was his job to move train cars back and forth in the train yard, kind of like a giant number slide-y puzzle.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_01: And I got to sit on his lap and drive the train and blow the whistle.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_01: And for a four-year-old, it was just magic, right?
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_01: Later that afternoon, it was time to leave.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_01: And of course, it didn't occur to me that we would be going anywhere other than home.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_01: But we went to an open field where that man was waiting for me.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_01: And he and my grandfather shook hands and then he came to take from me what he had paid for.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_01: And in a matter of moments, my life turned upside down and inside out.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_01: I had no way to reconcile or understand.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_01: I had no language.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_01: People ask, well, why didn't you tell somebody?
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_01: Well, what's a four-year-old gonna say?
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_01: You know?
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_01: They I had no language for what happened.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_01: But after that unthinkable happened, my grandfather came and wrapped me in a blanket and put me in the backseat of the car to take me home.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_01: And one of the curious things about my grandfather, besides his perverse love for little girls, he loved old gospel music.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_01: And so he put in a cassette tape playing the song How Great Thou Art.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_01: And over the years of my trauma, he actually used that as a mind control tactic.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_01: He would play that song, particularly on repeat, either during the violence or immediately following the violence, I think as a way to ensure that I could not or would not ever find freedom.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_01: But that day he put in this cassette.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_01: I was in the backseat of the car, I was watching the sunset, the most spectacular sunset I've ever seen, still to this day.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_01: And it when I recall that memory, as real as every other part of it, is Jesus in the backseat of the car holding me on his lap with such tenderness.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_01: And he didn't mind the tears, he didn't mind the snot, he didn't mind the blood.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_01: He just held me tenderly and whispered, I've got you, baby, I won't let you go.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_01: And that is why I'm the lucky one.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_01: I think grace goes to the farthest reaches and to the deepest depths.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_01: And that Jesus shows up when people fail us.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_01: There were other adults in my life over the years that coulda, shoulda, woulda seen or intervened and did not know how to do that.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_01: But in moments of deepest, darkest depravity and violence, Jesus was there sheltering me, holding me, whispering, I've gotcha, I've gotcha, I've gotcha, you're gonna be okay.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_01: We're gonna get through this.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_01: And and that really was what carried me through.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_01: Now, I grew up with a lot of complicated ideas.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_01: My my grandfather was an elder in his church.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_01: Some of the men that were perpetrators were involved in the church.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_01: I certainly grew up with some fundamental ideas about wrath and a God who's gonna send you to hell if you don't say exactly the right order of words in a sinner's prayer, you know.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_01: But what I encountered in real time was a Jesus who not only turned his, you know, we we had in the religious circles I grew up with, we had an a idea of a wrathful God that is so holy, can't look on sin.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_01: But the reality of the faith that carried me through, the experience that carried me through was Jesus didn't, not only did he not turn his face away, he came to walk among us, the word made flesh, to carry all of the burden, all of the darkness, all of the shame.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_01: And so he he would embrace me and hold me with tears dripping off of his chin and roaring with rage at the injustice and and kept me together so that I could carry that same love forward into the world.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_01: I say the love of Christ compels me.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_01: And again, I I tread really carefully because there's a lot of a lot of spiritual uh trauma out in our world in this day and age.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_01: But Jesus, Jesus is not that for me.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_02: And I I hate that that that that's the case.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_02: I yeah, no, I I also share the same faith you do.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_02: And so it it it perturbs me quite a bit that people under the guise of religion or you know, associated with the church or whatever, you know, use use that power to, you know, just just to unspeakable things.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and and it makes it it just makes it worse that it possibly, if that's even possible.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, like it's and you know, that's that's my own personal, you know, this is my own little soapbox here, but that this is why I believe there's a heaven and a hell, is because I think that there is no true justice, right?
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_02: Like, like you can't get true justice on earth, right?
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_02: I just don't feel like there will be, but I think that someday there will be judgment and people that do stuff like this, you know, they're gonna have to pay for what they did.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_02: You know what I mean?
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_02: Like I just feel like there's there's an there's an ominant God, that omnipresent God that's just gonna, you know, kind of rule and someday everything's gonna be taken care of and it's all gonna work out in the wash, so to speak.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_02: You know what I mean?
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_02: And and someday they will have to speak for for what they did.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_02: Cause it's just like I I'm just I don't know, I'm just heartbroken over your story, and then just you know, you I feel like whenever I hear stories like that, I kind of apply it to my own life and think about, man, you know, my kids are around, you know, my daughters around the age that you were when this this all happened, and I just I just yeah, I don't know.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_02: It's just it's a lot to sort of even just comprehend.
• 10:59
  unknown: Yeah.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_01: It is a lot and and I'm really glad I I also carry the the belief that God is good and God has the capacity to reconcile all things.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_01: And and while there's no way, you know, my grandfather never apologized, he never faced judge justice before he died on this side of of eternity.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and even if he had, if he had apologized, like how sorry could he be?
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_01: I couldn't go back to four years old again, you know, or had he gone to jail, which he didn't, but it if he had, it wouldn't have given me back those 14 years.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_01: Or or the way those experiences formed how I moved through the world and my fear of men and my shame that I carried and, you know, the the physical scars, there's still physical damage.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_01: I I've now celebrating this year 32 years of marriage to my husband, who is an amazing, absolutely the love of my life.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_01: We've been through some stuff.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I came with a lot of baggage that needed to be healed.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_01: But even the physical damage, I over the course of my life, now I was pregnant 17 times and experienced 14 losses because of the extensive damage and scar tissue of my childhood.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_01: And so, you know, but reconciling all things, now I'm the founder and CEO of this international countertrafficking organization.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_01: And I get a front row seat, Ryan, to watching redemption unfold again and again and again and again, to seeing littles find freedom and play with Barbie dolls and be honri and rascally playing pranks on each other and finding hope.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_01: And is the the redemption and the hope and the joy is even now being returned to me a hundredfold for what was taken.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_02: That's powerful.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_02: That's great stuff.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_01: So that's the God that reconciles all things.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, absolutely.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_02: And uh, you know, as and congrats on 32 years of marriage, and you know, obviously getting past all that, you know, I know I know it probably d never goes away completely, but getting past that stuff and and having a solid relationship and being who you are now with your organization, like what do you think parents, and obviously it was probably different from when you were that age, but what do you think parents need to be aware of today in terms of trafficking or what are the signs they should look for?
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_02: Um you know, because let's put it in my shoes.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_02: My five-year-old daughter, I have a two-year-old son.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_02: They're young, but I know, you know, we know from your story, it starts.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_02: People are interested in unfortunately, uh, children that age, right?
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_02: So, like how do you how do you safeguard yourself, your kids?
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_02: What protections do we need to put in place, or what do we need to look for, in your opinion, based on I think that is a great, great question.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_01: And I would say trafficking prevention begins long before the trafficking, and that the greatest protection we can give our children isn't a fear of strangers, but it's the confidence that they can always tell us the truth.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_01: Because grooming is relational long before it's criminal.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_01: The things like computers, technology provide access.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_01: But what happens is predators, they identify vulnerabilities.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_01: So they notice, then they befriend, then they meet a need and build trust, then they create secrecy, isolate, and exploit and use shame to control.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_01: So the it is important to know how to keep predators out, but the greater protection, the greater action is to identify ourselves what vulnerabilities our children have that someone might exploit.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_01: Is my child feeling lonely?
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_01: Are they feeling misunderstood?
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_01: Are they wanting connection?
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_01: Are they wanting independence?
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_01: Are is there conflict at home?
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_01: Are there identity questions?
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_01: Is there curiosity about sex?
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_01: Are they wanting somebody to say, I finally understand you?
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_01: Now, those don't make a child responsible for their exploitation.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_01: Those are just vulnerabilities that predators are keying in on.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_01: That's what they're looking for.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_01: So a firewall that you might build for your kids is relationship patterns that they know no matter what, they can always come home to you.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_01: So if your child makes a terrible decision, you know, whether they're five years old or 15 years old, what's their first thought?
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_01: Is their first thought, I need my mama or I need my daddy, or is their first thought, I have to make sure my mom or my dad never finds out.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_01: Because if their first response is I have to make sure my parents don't find out, then they're caught.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_01: They're trapped.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_01: And their shame is the gasoline for exploitation.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_01: Um so children, I think more than stranger danger, because the vast majority of people who are trafficked are trafficked, exploited initially by somebody they know, love, and trust.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_01: It is a family member, it is a cousin, it is a babysitter, it is a coach, it is a teacher.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_01: The first person is a person that they trust.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_01: And so strangers aren't the greatest threat.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_01: It's not the traffickers aren't monsters under the bed.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_01: They're people that you know in your community, in your church, in your schools.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_01: And so children need accurate, developmentally appropriate language about their bodies, you know, that like I've got grandbabies now that are between 10 months old and four years old, and and we use real, you know, yes, you have a penis, you know, little girls have a vulva.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_01: We talk about consent, we talk about coercion, I ask for permission, would you like me?
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_01: My grandbabies, my own grandbabies, would you like me to hold you?
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_01: Would you like to sit on my lap?
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_01: I don't even ask, if I say, can I hold you?
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_01: Then the default pattern is for a child to say yes to a person in authority, even if they don't want to.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_01: But if I ask, would you like for me to, then they have permission to think yes or no.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_01: So teaching children, I think the the biggest lesson, the biggest takeaway for you, for your audience, is that they're teaching your kids that their body belongs to them, that they absolutely can say no to adults.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_01: And you might even practice in your home doing silly games that they say no to on purpose because you're giving them permission to practice.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_01: Adults will not ask children to keep unsafe secrets, that they will never be in trouble for telling you something scary, uh, that someone being kind doesn't mean you owe them something.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_01: And if they've already done something that they've been told a hundred times not to do, come home anyway.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_01: You know, when they get to be that tween age or teenage, did they send the peck picture?
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_01: Come home anyway.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_01: They talk to a stranger, come home anyway.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_01: They snuck out, come home anyway.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_01: They lied about where they were, come home anyway.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_01: Because if a child believes I can't tell my parents, that's the opening that the person, the perpetrator needs to exploit them.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_02: Wow, there's a lot of great tips there.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_02: And thank you for sharing that.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_02: You know, from from your story about deep betrayal from a family member, you know, for a parent carrying their own childhood trauma and wounds, how do how do you or how do you think about breaking that cycle and not passing that pain on?
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_01: That that is a great question.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_01: And I think learning as you go.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_01: You know, there there is a uh a phrase, a saying that says, if you don't heal the wound that hurt you, you'll bleed on the one that wasn't, didn't hurt you.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_01: But I I don't know what it is right now.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_01: I'm totally, totally fumbled it.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_01: But the the idea is we have to do our internal work.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_01: We have to learn.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_01: I have autonomy.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_01: I can say no.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_01: I don't owe anybody my time, my body, my energy, my explanation.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_01: No is a complete answer.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_01: We have to practice those things.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_01: We have to practice in front of our kids.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_01: Your body belongs to you.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_01: My body belongs to me.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_01: You know, with my toddler and we little preschool grandkids, sometimes they're crawling on me with knees and elbows, and I'm like, ouch, that hurts.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_01: Or no, don't touch me there.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_01: Like, so modeling it and using my voice and doing the hard work of healing through therapy, through talking, through releasing the shame.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_01: Because just like shame for our kids is the the doorway that a perpetrator would use if we carry that shame locked up, then it keeps perpetuating the cycle.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_01: And when we recognize that the shame is not ours to carry, it doesn't have to be a secret anymore.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_01: And we can talk freely about this person I loved did this terrible thing, and that's why we don't see them at Christmas.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_01: And and so we we do our own hard work and we model it for our kids.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_02: So what what's in your opinion, what's the biggest myth about human trafficking um that keeps parents from actually protecting their kids?
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that is uh a great question.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_01: I think one of the greatest myths is traffickers are out there far away, third world countries.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_01: We have this image of Liam Neeson or Jim Kavitzel kicking down doors, you know, in some far off country.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_01: And so kidnapping happens.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_01: It certainly happens in third world countries, but in reality, the US, the American men are.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_01: Are the number one buyers of sex with children in the world.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_01: And so, and traffickers are most often somebody the family knows, loves, and trusts.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_01: So it's not not strange or danger.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_01: And so that is really, really important to recognize.
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_01: And then another myth, I think, is we tend to think, well, good families don't have traffic to children.
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_01: You know, like that, that doesn't happen in my middle, upper middle class suburban neighborhood, right?
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_01: But exploitation crosses every socioeconomic, religious, racial, educational line.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_01: And the protective factors are reducing vulnerability.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_01: If you identify the vulnerability first, my kids feeling lonely, my kids feeling disconnected, how do I make them, how do I help them feel connected?
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_01: How do I make them feel loved?
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_01: How do I help them know their body's their own?
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_01: Then you are essentially immunizing them against the tools that a perpetrator would use.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_01: The perpetrator can't find a vulnerability to exploit.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_01: And the the other one that I think is particularly important is an idea that we we tend to think if we monitor everything the child does online, they'll be safe.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_01: And monitoring online, absolutely imperative.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_01: It is critically important.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_01: It is a necessary layer of protection, but that doesn't replace relationship, education, emotional safety, and the child's ability to recognize manipulation.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_01: So a lonely child can be vulnerable, a rebellious child can be vulnerable.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_01: Kids in foster care are two-thirds of kids in foster care experience exploitation.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_01: Children who lied may feel vulnerable.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_01: So again, it is instilling in your kids that the idea, you as the parent knowing that there's danger all around, not necessarily creating in them a fear of the world, but you knowing, you being able to proactively like, oh no, we're not gonna do sleepovers.
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_01: Oh no, we're I have a gut reaction about this person babysitting, and I don't even know why.
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_01: Like, go with your gut and and get over the fact that it happens everywhere.
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_01: It happens in every community.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, no, those are great tips.
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_02: And and for the young person listening right now in their car, let's say mom and dad's driving, they're in the box seat or whatever.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_02: What what did you need to hear at your lowest moment that nobody ever told you?
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_01: Hmm.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_01: It's not your fault.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_02: Is there a lot of like self a lot of self-blame, like somehow?
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_01: I yeah, I I think, yeah, part of my the process that that my primary perpetrator used and as a means of control was well, if you tell, then somebody else will get hurt, or if you tell, he would go to jail and that would wreck the family, or if you tell, nobody will believe you.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_01: They'll know it was your fault.
• 25:32
  SPEAKER_01: And again, I grew up in in some religious circles that put a really strong emphasis on all men lust, all men are visual, you'll cause them to stumble if your skirt's too short or you don't wear a t-shirt over your swimsuit, or and so I didn't learn those lessons first.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_01: I learned them after already being raped for two, three, four, five, ten years.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_01: I'm hearing this in the church.
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_01: And so I'm thinking it it must be my fault.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_01: It must be.
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_01: I there must be something wrong with me that they would do this to me.
• 26:11
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and then there was another piece of of that in in my story that I thought, in some ways, at least some of the time, that my submission was protecting other vulnerable people.
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't want to share anybody else's story because that's that's their own story.
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_01: So I thought by submitting that then I was protecting other people.
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_01: And in fact, and that would make it my fault because I went along with it.
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't fight hard enough, I didn't run far enough, I didn't whatever.
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, for the the kids that are being exploited, it's not your fault.
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_01: There are safe people.
• 26:53
  SPEAKER_01: Find a safe person to tell.
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_01: If your parents aren't safe, tell a teacher.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_01: If your teacher's not safe, tell your parents.
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_02: What okay, so what's your advice for, you know, you you transformed your pain into power, right?
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_02: Mm-hmm.
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_02: So for a parent listening who feels like their own past is their ceiling, what would you tell them about what they can still become?
• 27:20
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, that's a great question.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_01: You know, sometimes healing feels impossible.
• 27:26
  SPEAKER_01: I know it's a long, hard-fought battle.
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_01: And in reality, I'm 54 now.
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_01: So it's been 50 years since the first time I was assaulted.
• 27:35
  SPEAKER_01: And in reality, I still sometimes sleep with the lights on.
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_01: And also, not only is healing possible, but with Jesus, with the relentless love of Christ, I think it's entirely probable that our body and our soul and our mind are designed to heal.
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_01: Like if you, Ryan, at eight years old had a bike wreck and skinned your knee, you today, Ryan, don't still have a skinned knee.
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_01: You didn't sit on the curb and think white blood cells, white blood cells, white blood cells to fight the infection.
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_01: And you didn't meditate on platelets, platelets, platelets to form a scab.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_01: It healed because it designed, it's designed to heal.
• 28:21
  SPEAKER_01: And I would argue that our mental health and emotional health is exactly the same way.
• 28:28
  SPEAKER_01: There, there are likely flashbacks, there are triggers, and each one of those is an opportunity or an invitation to remember the faithfulness of God.
• 28:38
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that thing happened, but you know what?
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_01: Here I am.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_01: I'm still here and I'm still moving forward, and I'm doing better for my kids than was done for me.
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_01: So with Jesus, healing isn't just possible.
• 28:54
  SPEAKER_01: It's probable.
• 28:56
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I love that.
• 28:57
  SPEAKER_02: And yeah, Jenny Sue, could you tell us about the lucky one, um, Compass 31?
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_02: Just give us more information on where to follow your projects and keep posted with what's going on in your life.
• 29:11
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, people can find me on social media at Jenny Sue Jessen and I'm on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, you know, those places.
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_01: My organization is called Compass31.
• 29:23
  SPEAKER_01: We're at Compass31.org and you can find out about the work we do.
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_01: We fight human trafficking through prevention, restoration, and leadership development.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_01: One of the unique things about our program is we walk with our survivors to the highest level of education they desire.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_01: So some of our youngest survivors right now are four years old, but we've had program participants, one graduated law school and pastor bar exam.
• 29:50
  SPEAKER_01: We now have four that have master's degrees in social work.
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_01: So that's the context of the work that we do.
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_01: And my book, the first book that I published, is called The Lucky One.
• 30:01
  SPEAKER_01: It is available on Amazon, probably links on my website too, in Kindle, paperback, audible, any way you want to get it, it's available.
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_01: And so people can hear more about how Jesus met me in the dark.
• 30:17
  SPEAKER_01: Really, my my story is written.
• 30:20
  SPEAKER_01: Um, it was challenging to write, it's challenging to read, but every chapter is almost word count exact.
• 30:29
  SPEAKER_01: One-third of the chapter is a particular event or memory, and two-thirds of that chapter is how Jesus showed up and met me in it and redeemed that piece.
• 30:40
  SPEAKER_01: So it's really as much or more God's story as it is my story.