Latest / Do You F*cking Mind? / Self Love Mini Series | Day 5 | The importance of independence

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Self Love Mini Series | Day 5 | The importance of independence · Do You F*cking Mind?

• 0:15
  Speaker 1: Hello, beautiful people, and welcome today five of the five
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: day mini series on self love. Like I mentioned, I
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: think in yesterday's episode, if you are just stumbling across
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: this episode today, you actually don't have to listen to
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: the last four days in order, or just the last
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: four days in general in order to get something out
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: of this episode. But if you enjoy this episode, I
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: highly recommend that you listen to the other four because
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: each day covers kind of slightly different topics and different
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: key points that will help you really focus on elevating
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: your self love, your self respect, your self efficacy, how
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: you can find self love. All those things are included
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: in the last four episodes. I've been encouraging all you
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: guys to be writing down as many things as possible
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: because and also I don't know if I mentioned this,
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: but physically writing it down is a little bit more
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: like it solidifies it more in your head than just
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: typing it out. But if you can just type it out,
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: that's still fine. But when you physically write something down,
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: you're using more parts of the brain, So the likelihood
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: if you remembering it and it takes a bit longer,
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: so there's pause, So the likelihood if you remembering it
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: is a bit higher and for it to stick. But regardless,
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: I want you to note down the things that really
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: resonate with you, and for the next week or so,
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: if not longer, have it by your bedside table, put
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: it as a screensaver as your phone. Just key phrases
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: or key points that really resonated with you that can
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: keep this top of mind, so you can have this
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: working on yourself love as you know, a major priority
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: for you over the coming well ideally your life, but
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: over the coming weeks, and something that then can become
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: second nature. Because for a lot of people, while it
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: feels like, oh, that's so out of reach, it's just
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: some basic behaviors that you can start to implement. We'll
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: slowly start to turn the dial in the opposite direction
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: and you will start to feel these behaviors become second
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: nature and subconscious, and you're going to start to feel
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: a lot better about yourself. Okay, so good times. As
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: for those of you that listened to yesterday's episode, I'm
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: also not filming today's episode. I am in my pajamas
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: in my recording studio. I have not set up the
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: cameras or the lighting heavily pregnant while recording this. You're
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: listening to this, I'm not pregnant, but while recording this,
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: and I just want to get these episodes done. I
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: would rather get them down and out and feel good
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: about them than focused too much on having the whole
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: set ready to go. So we're working with what we've
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: got today, and today we've got a lot of mental energy,
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: but not the kind of energy that I'm like filming
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: myself while I just want to be called up in
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: a ball in my pajamas doing this. Anyway, let's get
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: straight into it. So the first I'm just going to
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: rattle off a bunch of that I think might be
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: important to you. Okay, the first one that we're going
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: to be talking about is well, the theme of today,
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: which is why independence is going to increase your self love.
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: So we've spoken about all these other topics, let's talk
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: about independence. The first thing that I want to talk
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: about is the difference between independence and being hyper independent.
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  Speaker 1: There is a massive difference there. And if you've listened
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: to a lot of My Head Noise episodes where listeners
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: write in it specifically about this problem, then you'll already
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: know what I'm talking about. But for those of you
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: that are new to this concept, hyper independence is actually
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: you could call it a trauma response for people that
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: have actually gone through trauma, but you don't necessarily have
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: to have gone through trauma per se to have this
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: kind of response. But it's a response to feeling like
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: you can only rely on yourself. So it's a negative response,
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  Speaker 1: it's a fear response, and it's what happens where you
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: tell yourself it's me against the world. I can't rely
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  Speaker 1: on anyone. I cannot be vulnerable, I can't let one
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: thing slip. It's all on me. And if I let
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: someone do something for me, it's fucking game over, right.
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: Whereas independence is understanding the importance of providing for yourself,
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  Speaker 1: not just not even talking financially, although that is very important,
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  Speaker 1: but providing validation for yourself, a sense of security, a
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  Speaker 1: sense of love for yourself, you know, having those foundations
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  Speaker 1: for yourself, but also understanding that a big part of
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: the human experience is vulnerability and connection. Without that, we're
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  Speaker 1: missing a big pillar of what makes us happy and
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  Speaker 1: fulfilled individual So we understand the need to be vulnerable
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  Speaker 1: and the need to connect, and a huge part of
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  Speaker 1: that independence. Healthy independence is knowing that I can have
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  Speaker 1: my heart broken, I can be hurt, and I will
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  Speaker 1: be okay because I can pull the pieces together again.
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  Speaker 1: I can lift myself up again. I can recover from
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  Speaker 1: this thing. Hyperindependence is saying no one can hurt me.
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  Speaker 1: My walls have to be up, because you're basically saying
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: to yourself, I won't survive if I get hurt. Notice
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  Speaker 1: the difference. Hyperindependence comes across as really independent and strong,
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  Speaker 1: but it is a fear of response, and it is
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  Speaker 1: an inability to trust yourself. Really, because if you can
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  Speaker 1: trust yourself, you're trusting that if this doesn't work out,
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  Speaker 1: I can recover. I can build myself back up again
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  Speaker 1: and I can try again. Okay, if this person lets
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: me down, I will be okay. Versus I can't have
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: anyone let me down because I cannot handle that. Okay.
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: So independence does not mean having your walls up. Healthy
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: independence is what we're talking about. It's not about being cold,
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  Speaker 1: it's not about being detached. It's not about refusing help.
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  Speaker 1: It's about trusting yourself. It's about trusting your own resilience,
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  Speaker 1: and it's allowing yourself to be open and vulnerable while
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: still providing yourself with the basic human needs, not relying
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: on everyone else to make you feel validated, not relying
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: on everyone else to agree with what you're saying before
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  Speaker 1: you take action on that one thing, you know, backing yourself,
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: but also being vulnerable. Okay, So this is the independence
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: that we're talking about. This is the This is the
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  Speaker 1: independence that we're here for, vulnerable, open independence. Okay, love
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  Speaker 1: that for us. Now. The next thing I want to
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: sense now, The next thing I want to talk about
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: is emotional freedom. Okay. Emotional freedom is kind of this
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: level of independence, knowing that you can leave a situation
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: that no longer serves you and you can survive it. Right.
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: You stay in relationships because you choose to, not because
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: you have to. Okay. So it's not to say that
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  Speaker 1: everything's going to be easy and it's so easy to
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: let a relationship go when it was a nice swet
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: off my back. To walk away from this. It's still
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: going to be hard, but you know, like kind of
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: you've set the standard for how you will be treated
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: because you have you have worked on your independence, on
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: providing things for yourself that when other relationships don't mirror that,
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  Speaker 1: you know when to take a step back and when
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: to pull away all together. And it's not saying you've
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: got to block people out, and you know, like I
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: feel like a lot of the content out there is
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: all about shutting everyone off and everyone can get fucked
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: and all of that. It's not even about that, But
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: it's knowing when to kind of maybe take a little
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: step back and prioritize yourself a little bit. You know.
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: It's knowing why it is that you're investing so much
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: time in this relationship. Is it because I want to
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: invest time in this relationship because it fulfills me, or
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  Speaker 1: is it because I feel I have to because I
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: have no other avenue. Okay. Another thing that's really important
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: that you guys need to focus on is, no matter
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: what your relationship is, especially when we're talking about romantic relationships,
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: is the importance of maintaining autonomy. Okay, A healthy relationship,
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  Speaker 1: a healthy partnership feels like a choice. Okay, Now, you
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: might depend on each other for certain things, but you
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  Speaker 1: will always have a sense of yourself within that relationship.
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  Speaker 1: You know you are there as a team. Yes, you
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: can lean on each other, you can rely on each other,
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  Speaker 1: you can expect things from each other, but you will
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: always have that sense of independence that makes you an individual.
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  Speaker 1: It's not this codependence where you think, now everything has
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: to be done with the approval or the agreements or
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  Speaker 1: in conjunction with this other person. It's not that at all.
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  Speaker 1: It's I feel like a better elevated version of myself
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  Speaker 1: in this healthy relationship because I feel secure, because I
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  Speaker 1: feel supported, and I like to do to provide that
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  Speaker 1: feeling for my partner. Okay. Instead of thinking I need
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: to know where my partner is at all times, it's
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  Speaker 1: I'm encouraging my partner to be the best version of
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  Speaker 1: themselves as an independent and we come together and form
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  Speaker 1: a great relationship. Autonomy in relationships is actually tied to
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  Speaker 1: greater long term success off a relationship because you feel
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  Speaker 1: more fulfilled as an individual, and therefore you're more likely
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  Speaker 1: to want to stay in this relationship because the relationship
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  Speaker 1: helps you flourish as an individual, Okay, and vice versa.
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  Speaker 1: So when we look at relationships, when we look at independence, autonomy,
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  Speaker 1: that kind of independence is actually very healthy for a relationship. Again,
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: keeping in mind, we're not talking about hyper independence like
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: I ticked off at the start of this episode, the
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  Speaker 1: next thing that's really important is start doing more things alone. Okay.
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  Speaker 1: Building independence means proving to yourself that you are a
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  Speaker 1: good company for you, okay. And I'm not talking about
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  Speaker 1: doing the groceries alone, because that's not talking about errands
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  Speaker 1: that it's kind of like I have to do this.
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  Speaker 1: I'm moving the whole time. I'm talking about get a book,
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  Speaker 1: go to a cafe alone and just order a coffee,
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  Speaker 1: and then when you feel comfortable enough, order a coffee
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  Speaker 1: and something small to eat, and then we go out
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  Speaker 1: and have lunch alone and then dinner alone. Like it
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: just gets bigger and bigger, right, But it's going out
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  Speaker 1: and saying I can out in my own company. I'm
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: gonna go. Like sometimes what I do is I'll like
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: make myself a like a much eye in like a
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: therms like little you know, keep cup and I'll go
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: to the botanical gardens and I'll watch people going for
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: walks and I'll sit on a rock and I just
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: sit there alone and either journal just writing some life
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: planning or reading a book. And I'm just doing that
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: alone and it feels really really nice. And I don't
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: know if anyone even notices that I'm there or if
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: they do, or if they care, or if they don't.
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: I just honestly, I'm not aware of that. It feels
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: really good. And I do it alone and sometimes I
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: just put the book down and I just stare and
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: I watch and I people watch, okay, and I really
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: enjoy that. I really like that, like my company doing that.
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: You can do that at a cafe. You can go
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: and watch a movie by yourself. There's many many things
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: that you can go and do by yourself. That's not chores, because,
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: of course, a chore you're focused on a task. It's
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: something that everyone does on their own. Anyway. I'm more
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: talking about taking yourself out and you know, on a
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: solo date and seeing how that feels. And if the
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: thought of this is making you cringe, if you're like can't,
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: I can't think of anything worse than ask yourself, why
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: why is that? Okay? Next thing I want you to
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: do is I want you to with many situations in
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: your life, primarily with relationships, not just romantically, but ask yourself,
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: am I here because I want to be? Or because
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: I feel I can't leave? Okay, if it's the latter,
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  Speaker 1: ask yourself, why do I feel I can't leave? What
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: are the repercussions if I did leave? And what would
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: that mean for my sense of self? What would that
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: mean for my relationship with myself if I did leave?
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: What would that look like? Get specific, get down to
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: the nitty gritty of it, really break it down and
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: ask yourself, if I am here because I feel I
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: can't leave, why, what are the repercussions? What has caused this?
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  Speaker 1: Is it just something I've never questioned before? Do I
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: think that I'll crumble if I'm alone? Do I think
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: that I'll never make new friends again? Do I think
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: this is the only job I'm ever capable of getting? Like? Why? Why?
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: Because if we are in situations that we're only in
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: because we feel stuck, then that's not helping our independence
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: and we're working backwards towards our self love and our
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: self respects. We're basically saying too about so sad you're
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: stuck in this situation because you can't do better. That's
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: what you're telling yourself. You can do better than that, Okay,
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: But in order for you to do better than that,
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: you need to be able to dig deep and ask
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: yourself those questions. You need to ask, why do I
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: feel stuck. Why do I actually feel like I can't leave?
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: Because you can leave. It's not that it's easy, but
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: you should always be in a position where you can
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: change your life circumstances somewhat somewhat Okay. The next one
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: is have healthy boundaries with favors. Accepting help and asking
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: for help is actually extremely healthy, and if someone uses
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: that as leverage against you, that is their issue, and
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: it's an indicator of them being an unhealthy person, not
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: proof that you've lost your independence. And an example of
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: this is when I got out of a really toxic
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: relationship back in the day, I became really hyper independent.
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: That was kind of my fear response, and I didn't
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: want anyone doing things for me. But I ended up
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: realizing because I thought, oh, it's just going to get
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: thrown in my face. If I let someone do something
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: for me, it's going to get thrown in my face.
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: But what I was doing is I was using the
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: behaviors of my ex and presuming that good people had
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: those same patterns of behaviors that my unhealthy, toxic X had,
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: which is just not the case. So instead I had
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: to unlearn what I had learned in that unhealthy relationship.
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: I had to be vulnerable and I had to let
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: people do things for me. And when you let good
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: people do things for you, they feel more connected with you.
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: And of course do things do good things for good
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: people as well, but it allows them to show you
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: aside them that they want to show you that people
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: in general, good people want to do favors for you
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: because people happy. People like feeling useful. They like feeling
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: like they've contributed. So let them and then meet them
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: in the middle, meet them halfway, meet you know, help
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: them in another way down the line whenever they need
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: the help. But that feeling of being useful is a
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: great way to increase connection with somebody. So yes, have
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: healthy boundaries with people, but accept favors, ask for help,
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: allow people to do things for you. If someone ever
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: throws it back in your face, that just shows you
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: what their character is like. It doesn't say anything negative
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: about you, and it doesn't take away from your independence. Okay,
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: if you feel that it takes away from your independence,
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: then that's going to lead to hyperindependence. Now, the next
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: one is learn to say no without feeling guilty or
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: without feeling that you have to over explain yourself and
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: what I mean by over explain is I believe that
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: you know, like, you shouldn't have to explain yourself if
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: you don't want to do something at the end of
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: the day, boundaries of boundary, you need to protect yourself whatever.
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: But at the same time, we also don't want to
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: be a fucking asshole. And if someone says, oh, would
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: you like to come out for dinner on Friday night? No, no, no, no,
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: that's rude. Okay, so you could do that than watch
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: people not invite you. But I'm saying you don't have
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: to over explain yourself. So I think, whenever possible, give
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: it a healthy explanation and you don't have to say
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: you know. And what I mean by over explaining yourself
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: is sometimes we get tangled in a not Let's say,
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: you really don't want to go to this social outing, right,
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: so someone says, hey, do you want to go to
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: this social thing? And you're like, you know what, I'm
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: a fucking introvert. That's the last fucking thing I want
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: to do. You could say, thank you so much for
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: inviting me. I'm not gonna be able to make it
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: this time, have the best time. That's really exciting for you.
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: If you say it confidently, I'm not going to be
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: able to make it, but you seem really confident in
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: your decision, they're more likely to let it slide. They'll
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: be like, yeah, no worries, Well, hopefully next time whatever.
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: You didn't have to go into details of what you
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: were doing. Instead, you didn't have to make up a
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: life where you were going to be. If they dig further,
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: just say, oh, it's just really bad timing for me.
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: Got a lot on or whatever. You don't have to
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: get specific. You could say, you know what, I don't
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: want to be around many people or whatever. But if
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: that makes you feel anxious saying that, if you feel
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: like explaining that will make you feel like you have
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: to go, then less is more. The main problem is
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: that we often will make it look like we're afraid
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: to miss out, and then people beg us to come,
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: and then we end up caving and doing what other
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: people want us to do. So, for example, can you
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: come to this event and you say, oh, I'd love
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: to go. I'd love to, but I just I don't know.
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: I don't know if I'll be able to make it.
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: I'd love to go. They're now thinking, oh, my God,
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: they really want to come, I'm going to twist their
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: arm and yeah, they're not come, come, gone do that.
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: And then before you know what, you're caving and you're
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: saying yes, and you're like, I actually didn't want to go,
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't have loved to go, and now I've agreed
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: to do something that I didn't want to do. So
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: always honor yourself. It's okay to say no, and it's
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: okay to come up with a reason as to why,
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: but make sure that it backs your emotions. So if
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: I say no to an event because I genuinely don't
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: want to go, I'm not going to pretend to be sad.
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: I'm just gonna be confident about it. I've got other
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: things on I'm not gonna be able to make it
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: this time. Maybe some other time. Right, So you go
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: in confidently and people are way less likely to question
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: you when you are very clear about how you feel
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: about doing something or not doing something. You know, if
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: your emotions aligned with your words, people don't question you
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: as much or at all all. Right, So true independence,
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: true independence is what's going to fuel self love. Like
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: the healthy independence. Okay, this is where you know that
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: you can rely on yourself. This is where you stop
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: a band your needs abandoning you know the most important
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: things about you, abandoning you as far as being in
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: an unhealthy relationship versus being in a healthy relationship. You
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: set the minimum standard for how you will be treated.
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: You stop shrinking to fit other people's ideas or ideals,
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: and you're able to start directing your life confidently. And
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: when you begin to do that, then the right people,
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: the right circumstances slowly, well not even slowly, not even slowly,
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: but they start to gravitate towards you. Okay, we're in
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: a like attracts like world. Whether you are purely scientific,
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: whether you are law of attraction, it doesn't matter. Like
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: attracts like. And we all know it. We know that
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: when we're in a good mood, we're more likely to
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: gravitate to people that are in a good mood. When
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: we're in a bad mood, same shit, you're going to
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: be around people that are also going to be dragging
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: you down or you know, making you feel in a
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: lower mood and all of the above. All right, So
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: I want you to really focus on for today episode
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: to summarize, we're thinking what can I do to increase
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: my healthy levels of independence, and also ask yourself, what
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: have I done in the past that I thought was
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: independent but probably was hyper independence where I was pushing
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: people away, like maybe I was heartbroken once. And even
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: though I think I've healed, my language around relationships is
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: not really helpful. It's it's very hyper independent, like everyone's
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: relationships are fucked. Everyone thinks everyone's like we're deep down,
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: I'm actually craving connection, Like what am I doing that's
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: enhancing my hyper independence instead of working on my healthy
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: independence because my health independence still puts me first, still
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: prioritizes myself, still makes sure that how I treat myself
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: is the minimum standard for how other people will treat me.
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: But it opens me up to be vulnerable, to accept
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: connection from other people, to accept help, to be able
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: to ask for help, and when it falls through, if
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: someone throws it in my face, I'm able to look
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: at it as that's a character flaw on your behalf.
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: And it's not saying that I'm too needy or that
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: I accepted too much help, because I understand that I
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: now have healthy levels of independence. Guys, That is all
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: for today's episode. I hope you enjoyed this five day
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: mini series. I love throwing in a mini series here
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: and there. I fuck love it, so I hope you
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: enjoyed it. That is all for today. Go back and
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: review the other episodes if you haven't already, write it
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: all down and just yeah, just use what works, disregard
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: what doesn't, and I will see you back here or
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: talk to you back here in the studio on Monday
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: for our normal Monday episodes. Guys, as always, love you
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: so much. Remember, be kind to yourself, becind to your brain,
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: don't take shit from anyone, and especially don't take shit
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: from yourself. Dunker. Since the