Latest / Three Damned Dudes / Episode 13 - Talkin shit with Ryan

Transcript

Episode 13 - Talkin shit with Ryan · Three Damned Dudes

• 0:37
  Welcome to the Three Damn Deeds podcast, brought to you by Rifle
• 0:40
  and Ratchet. Refinishing.
• 0:44
  Put it back, Put it back now. Got him located in Taylor, MI.
• 0:51
  Rifle and Ratchet's a better known and operated shop
• 0:54
  providing seracote and laser engraving services.
• 0:57
  Whether it's rust, corrosion, wear and tear, scratches, or you
• 0:59
  simply treat your gun like shit, they do everything from factory
• 1:03
  finishes to custom camo to make your dream a reality to shoot.
• 1:06
  But it's not just firearms, it's also automotive parts, game
• 1:10
  controllers, golf clubs, really anything you can put in the
• 1:12
  oven. Their goal is to make you say
• 1:14
  wow when it comes out of the case.
• 1:17
  And with that, welcome to Episode 1313.
• 1:22
  Holy fuck his lucky numbers. They add read so you can't fuck
• 1:29
  with it. Gotcha.
• 1:30
  Fuck you. Finally.
• 1:32
  So all right, Jimmy got me. Jimmy got me on the ad read.
• 1:35
  Because I didn't wear protection and I went into a Dick fight and
• 1:40
  got fucked. That's what happened.
• 1:44
  Sorry, a cock fight and lost. That's what it's called all.
• 1:49
  Right. Oh fuck, Jimmy, what are you
• 1:53
  drinking? Nothing I forgot.
• 1:58
  Nerd Ryan, you drinking anything over there?
• 2:04
  No. All right, fair enough.
• 2:06
  I'm I'm also being lame and drinking a fucking Mountain Dew.
• 2:12
  Nice, because I just wasn't feeling it.
• 2:14
  Nice. That's go ahead.
• 2:20
  Are you going to say words? Nope, go ahead.
• 2:23
  Yeah, we're, we're really, we're really throwing back to like we
• 2:26
  don't know what the fuck we're doing anymore.
• 2:28
  It's Ryan. Fucking JV.
• 2:32
  It's Ryan's fault. Nope, Nope.
• 2:35
  Speaking code. I'm guessing you were having
• 2:37
  Bluetooth issues way before I came on the show.
• 2:43
  This whole, this whole, this whole thing has just been a shit
• 2:46
  show. Just yeah, I, I did tell, I
• 2:50
  warned you he was, I was like 8:00-ish, but probably closer to
• 2:54
  I was like probably 8:30. But honestly, I'm it's going to
• 2:57
  be a shit show. So it might be longer than that.
• 2:59
  And I called it 8:40. We did it so.
• 3:02
  Yeah, no, it's fair. The what, 18 episodes we've
• 3:06
  done, they've all been shit shows.
• 3:09
  That's just, that's the baseline.
• 3:11
  That's what we do here. We don't take ourselves too
• 3:13
  seriously, we listen and we don't judge or whatever the fuck
• 3:18
  they say on tik. T.O.K no I'm doing a full wallet
• 3:20
  judging man. Good, good as God intended.
• 3:26
  And with that, we have our first actual guest.
• 3:28
  We have an actual fucking guest on this fucking podcast and.
• 3:32
  It's not. No one is.
• 3:33
  What it was supposed to be, That's the funny part.
• 3:41
  It's. Three damn dudes with two damn
• 3:43
  dudes. Yeah, I mean for tonight, yeah.
• 3:48
  So our third damn dude, Gavin is not here.
• 3:51
  He is hanging out with a buddy who is in town dealing with some
• 3:57
  some other shit and his buddy's dealing with some other shit.
• 4:00
  So he is, he's being a bro and helping out a buddy.
• 4:04
  So I'm not going to hold that against him to his face or in
• 4:08
  the show, but I will judge him in private like we all do.
• 4:13
  It's fair. I don't know.
• 4:14
  Can I judge him? Sure.
• 4:17
  You're American dude, whoever the fuck you want the same I
• 4:23
  ran. Ain't no Tomahawks falling out
• 4:25
  the sky. You guys technically fought for
• 4:28
  your right to judge him, so go ahead.
• 4:34
  Oh shit. Yeah, 1st guest.
• 4:37
  Dude, it's you. Yeah, it only only took us 13
• 4:40
  episodes and we finally got Ryan on the show.
• 4:43
  Oh, Luke was technically our first guest.
• 4:45
  He was a sponsor though, that that kind of counts.
• 4:48
  Yeah. Oh, did you spend him?
• 4:50
  Send him our logo. Yeah, yeah, I did.
• 4:54
  Trying to work on something on the back end.
• 4:57
  That sounds ominously gay. I'm trying to work on his back
• 5:01
  end, yeah. Yep, it's not getting anybody or
• 5:04
  Jamie. We're going to film it.
• 5:12
  And if you want to figure out what Jimmy's working on in
• 5:14
  Luke's back end, you can subscribe to The Three Damn
• 5:17
  Dudes Only Fans. And that's six easy installments
• 5:21
  of 6999. That's our, you know, and it's
• 5:27
  brought to you by Rifle and Ratchet.
• 5:31
  Ratchet's got a whole different meaning to it.
• 5:33
  And that one let me tell you, because Luke is Ratchet.
• 5:37
  It's like, it's like when I hashtag thoughts and prayers,
• 5:41
  but it's thoughts and prayers. Hey, yeah.
• 5:46
  All right, let's go. Let's get into this weekly recap
• 5:48
  and then we'll we'll dive all the way in to our.
• 5:52
  Guest. I mean, I'm sure that'll come in
• 5:58
  another episode, but so I was out of town for the last two
• 6:04
  weeks, hanging out across the pond, and it got to the point
• 6:11
  where the bartenders at the hotel by like day two, saw me
• 6:16
  walk up and already started pouring a double Jameson and
• 6:18
  ginger ale because they knew. They already fucking knew.
• 6:25
  So by the end of the exercise, when we had the the Index party,
• 6:31
  the same 2 bartenders that I had been building rapport with for
• 6:35
  pretty much two weeks at that point, they were working the bar
• 6:38
  for the party. They commandeered a bottle of
• 6:41
  Jameson because it wasn't supposed to be at that bar.
• 6:44
  They got one just for me. But they also were were pretty
• 6:49
  talented at drawing the shamrocks in the in the head of
• 6:53
  a Guinness. Because apparently that's a
• 6:56
  fucking thing. I'm not really a Guinness
• 6:58
  drinker, but you know, when when in the UK?
• 7:02
  Why the fuck not? So I had.
• 7:09
  You got, you got words or no? OK.
• 7:15
  What happened? What?
• 7:18
  So I realized that they're drawing the shamrocks by hand.
• 7:23
  That means they can draw anything in the head of a
• 7:26
  Guinness. So a buddy of mine is standing
• 7:30
  in front of me and I asked that question.
• 7:33
  The bartender's like, yeah, what do you want?
• 7:35
  And my buddy goes, I want to hearten mine just being a a
• 7:39
  fucking idiot. And I go, I'm like, no, Liam, he
• 7:43
  wants a Dick in that. And we all paused and looked at
• 7:47
  each other and then laughed about it.
• 7:50
  And then and then Liam proceeds to draw a Dick in the head of
• 7:56
  his Guinness. So my buddy and I walk around
• 8:00
  this entire party of like 300 people showing everyone that you
• 8:05
  can walk up to the bar and order a Dick beer.
• 8:09
  So Dick beers became a thing and it threw the rest of the
• 8:13
  bartenders off because they had no fucking idea what the hell a
• 8:18
  Dick beer was. And the running joke was that
• 8:23
  splitting the G on the glass of Guinness means something totally
• 8:27
  different when you're drinking a Dick beer.
• 8:29
  Oh. My God.
• 8:31
  And that joke played the entire fucking night.
• 8:36
  I also got kissed on the forehead by a Canadian man that
• 8:40
  was that was neat. Me and me and another buddy
• 8:46
  opened up the dance floor and made absolute fucking fools of
• 8:49
  ourselves because we slow danced to like the third song, which
• 8:55
  was not a slow dance song. But nobody else was getting the
• 8:57
  fuck up there. And I feel like I have, I have
• 9:05
  more stories for, for the UK trip, but I'm going to, I'm
• 9:10
  going to save them and actually write something down.
• 9:12
  So I tell it, I tell it properly, right?
• 9:15
  Because there's, there's a few rules with storytelling.
• 9:19
  You can't completely embellish something and you can't jump
• 9:21
  around in a timeline all over the fucking place.
• 9:23
  It just destroys the story. But the second thing is you
• 9:27
  should never let the truth get in the way of a good story.
• 9:31
  And that's just a fact. But I also got a backpack leaf
• 9:36
  blower. And next on my list of shit to
• 9:38
  get is a skateboard. I'm going to set a new land
• 9:43
  speed record. Oh yeah.
• 9:46
  Oh yeah, my king. Like arrested while he was in
• 9:51
  the UK. I did not.
• 9:56
  He was, he was, he behaved. He sent us a snap and he was
• 10:03
  hammered. Just tell him he sent us a
• 10:08
  picture. He just, he looked like 10 years
• 10:12
  older. He just was like fucking staring
• 10:14
  into the camera just and I was constantly making jokes.
• 10:22
  I was like, quick yell, you have a knife.
• 10:24
  Really. He wouldn't do it.
• 10:33
  I was like, they love it. Did the safety brief that we got
• 10:37
  for where we were at was don't get stabbed and don't do meth.
• 10:42
  So dude, it was fucking easy. They have meth.
• 10:46
  Over there. Well, I mean, to be fair, you're
• 10:48
  a Marine. Can't give too many more
• 10:49
  instructions up before you start getting computers.
• 10:53
  They didn't tell me not to fuck with the wildlife though, and I
• 10:56
  think that's because you didn't have a an FMF corpsman with us.
• 11:02
  So I could have fucked with a bunch of wildlife no one told me
• 11:05
  not to, and that's how rules works.
• 11:09
  Should have, should have did it. Should have.
• 11:13
  All right, Jimmy, what do you got for your recap?
• 11:19
  I am done with bourbon. 100% done.
• 11:25
  Done, I say I. Keep saying that bullshit.
• 11:28
  You're about to be done with the show I.
• 11:30
  Tried. I tried it again.
• 11:33
  This time I drank a bitch amount.
• 11:39
  So basically what you have every night is what I put in the cup
• 11:43
  and it still dried me the fuck out.
• 11:47
  Gave me a headache, made me have weird ass dreams, made me feel
• 11:50
  like shit the next day. I didn't even get a buzz from it
• 11:53
  dude. And still having like dreams
• 11:57
  that I'm drinking water and waking up with dry mouth and
• 12:00
  stuff like that. I'm just done dude.
• 12:02
  I, I don't think, I don't know if it's this type of like,
• 12:05
  'cause my, my go to used to be either Clyde Mays bourbon or
• 12:11
  Buffalo Trace bourbon or, you know, this is completely
• 12:15
  different level of quality here or Jack Daniels.
• 12:18
  Like, you know, put that with some coke like whiskeys were my
• 12:22
  go to. But this bourbon, man, I just,
• 12:26
  it tastes good, but I just don't fuck with it.
• 12:28
  I don't like the way I don't like the way it messes with me.
• 12:30
  It does not like me. So I'm don't drink to that.
• 12:34
  Cheers buddy. Down it.
• 12:38
  Take the corner out. No.
• 12:42
  Yeah, you won't. And then did you?
• 12:49
  I, Maddie was having a rough day the last week, and I think it
• 12:56
  was one of the days we were going to record and then we
• 13:00
  couldn't record. And I found that out during
• 13:02
  work. And then Maddie was having a
• 13:05
  rough day and she was on her way to school.
• 13:07
  And so like I came home from work and I got ready to, I got
• 13:13
  my stuff ready. I washed my feet and stuff like
• 13:16
  that. And I went to Maddie's school.
• 13:17
  So Maddie's, my girlfriend Maddie is going to school to be
• 13:19
  a nail tech. So she's, she goes and does
• 13:23
  people's, she basically learned how to do nails and she has to
• 13:27
  go and do a bunch of nails, do manicures, pedicures, acrylics,
• 13:31
  French tips, all, all nine yards.
• 13:33
  She would love to see your toes right now.
• 13:36
  You do. They are flawless.
• 13:40
  Yeah, she she has to do a like a certain set before she can
• 13:46
  graduate and get her and get her boards done so she can become
• 13:50
  certified to do it. So I'll drive down there and
• 13:53
  I'll get like a manicure and pedicure just to cross it off
• 13:55
  the list. Now I have also no homo have
• 13:59
  offered to let her do acrylics on me, which are the, you know,
• 14:03
  the pointy, the pointy all all done.
• 14:06
  But the only thing was as I wanted her to do them on my feet
• 14:09
  so I can catch a trout like a real man and she wouldn't do it.
• 14:12
  So she told me no. So no acrylics on the feet.
• 14:18
  I think it would be cool, you know.
• 14:21
  But so anyway, she was having a rough day and so I surprised her
• 14:27
  and and she had made a joke about how she wanted me.
• 14:33
  She wanted me to come and I told her no because I was already
• 14:36
  going to come. So I just kind of like surprised
• 14:38
  her and she's like, you don't support me, You know, like she
• 14:41
  was, she was being funny. She knows I do.
• 14:43
  And she's like, you don't support me.
• 14:45
  And she said that those are fighting words for me.
• 14:48
  So as soon as I got home, I went to the closet.
• 14:51
  I grabbed my Madison, my Madison T-shirt, which is my my shirt
• 14:55
  with her name on it and a bunch of pictures of her.
• 14:59
  And, and I drove and I drove all the way to her school.
• 15:03
  I bought her favorite snacks and I took them in there and she was
• 15:07
  with a client. And so she sent her friend up
• 15:11
  when when I was when I was like, yeah, I need, I was like, I need
• 15:15
  a manicure and pedicure done by Madison, please.
• 15:18
  And so I guess, I guess I get there and they go, we have a
• 15:22
  Mani pedi for Madison and she goes, is that my boyfriend?
• 15:28
  Can somebody go and check if it's my boyfriend?
• 15:31
  So she picked up the person she's closest to there and then
• 15:34
  who knows me already and, and kind of vaguely she knows me
• 15:37
  because I've gone to the school a couple times and she comes up
• 15:42
  and she starts to happen and she's like, she's going to kill
• 15:44
  you. She's like, I was like, I was
• 15:49
  like you. I was like, you won't believe
• 15:51
  what she said to me. I was like, she said that I
• 15:55
  don't support her. And I was like, and I do.
• 15:57
  And I showed her the shirt. I was like, if anything, I'm
• 16:01
  supportive and I got her snacks. So I was like, tell her to hurry
• 16:04
  the fuck up. And so I was able to walk down
• 16:09
  with her and wait down there with her.
• 16:10
  But it was funny. So like the friend beat me by
• 16:13
  like a minute because I had to pee.
• 16:15
  So like I'm coming down the stairs and I hear her going, Oh
• 16:18
  my God. She goes, yes, your boyfriend,
• 16:22
  he's here, he brought you snacks and he's wearing a shirt with
• 16:25
  your face all over it. And I cleared the corner.
• 16:27
  I go, yeah, because I'm a supportive boyfriend, right,
• 16:29
  babe? And I go woo.
• 16:36
  And then I proceeded to wait 2 freaking hours for her to get
• 16:39
  the get the other client then, because not only was she doing
• 16:42
  also a mania and petty for her, but she was doing like an
• 16:45
  exfoliating scrub and all the whole 9 yards Lady got the spa
• 16:48
  treatment. So I'm just sitting there
• 16:50
  playing Pokémon Go on my phone waiting for her to get done.
• 16:57
  So that was pretty funny. Yeah.
• 17:03
  So I got my nails done, got my got my fingernails did and got
• 17:07
  my toes done and stuff like that got all lined up and cute and
• 17:13
  yeah. And then actually, you know
• 17:17
  what, I'm going to take a second because this is a good segue.
• 17:21
  I was going to show off some of her work because we're going to
• 17:24
  be starting to work on something pretty cool.
• 17:26
  So if you listeners have ladies you want to.
• 17:32
  Or the 30 something percent of our listeners that are ladies.
• 17:36
  Well, there's the hairy one from Nebraska.
• 17:38
  She might let her nails done, you know.
• 17:41
  I don't think she's going to Michigan to get a Mani Petty.
• 17:44
  You are going to get so many freaks on this listening to this
• 17:50
  just because you're talking about feet.
• 17:52
  So she does she's so she's making snap on kits.
• 18:00
  So basically you order basically she makes a set of nails, makes
• 18:04
  a set of acrylic nails for you and then she sends you a kit and
• 18:08
  you get to put them on your fingers and it's come comes with
• 18:11
  the adhesives and all that stuff.
• 18:12
  So basically she's makes the nails for you and you put them
• 18:15
  on and stuff like that. And some of them are pretty
• 18:17
  freaking cool. I sent you one of them today.
• 18:21
  That was the one we me and her were arguing about the one that
• 18:23
  she didn't like. But so like these like these
• 18:32
  ones, these ones are cool. These ones were like a set of
• 18:36
  what a mouse. These ones were like a Thunder
• 18:41
  one that she did and then she did the lemon ones.
• 18:49
  I got to learn how to use Instagram.
• 18:51
  There it is those lemon ones she did.
• 18:54
  These are 3D. These are the ones that I showed
• 18:58
  you that she didn't. Like and I said, crazy.
• 19:08
  She made these fish ones. Daredevil lures.
• 19:10
  These are cool as fuck. Oh yeah.
• 19:18
  Yeah, so. How many of those feet pics are
• 19:21
  yours? Let me see, I was trying to find
• 19:33
  a set of feet that clearly were not my feet.
• 19:35
  And I I was going to say don't don't mind the complexion here,
• 19:43
  but these are my toes. There's a horrific frostbite
• 19:47
  accident. Oh, got it.
• 19:48
  My toes legit are on here. Hang on, hang on.
• 19:53
  And and I can prove it's mine. And when you see it, Ryan,
• 19:56
  you'll know. Yeah, those are his feet for
• 19:58
  sure. Because yeah.
• 20:02
  Hey there. The camel.
• 20:06
  I got a camel toe. There's this camel toe.
• 20:10
  These are my nails. Well, typical Jimmy fashion.
• 20:18
  You're a Nebraska fan? Loves that one.
• 20:20
  So so my feet picks are online. I just found that out.
• 20:25
  That's awesome. So I've always joked about it,
• 20:28
  but now, now it's real. And then one last update.
• 20:38
  So we have been kind of refurnished, refurnishing the
• 20:44
  house. We talked about that few
• 20:46
  episodes ago, remember? So I had the really good idea.
• 20:51
  We kind of had like this dresser slash entertainment system in
• 20:54
  the living room. And it was like, it's a dresser,
• 20:59
  but it kind of looked like an entertainment system.
• 21:02
  And Maddie needed a dresser for here, but she's moving all of
• 21:05
  her stuff in and I was like, well, this dresser would be
• 21:09
  perfect. I was like, plus it's kind of a
• 21:10
  dresser, so it kind of serves that purpose anyway.
• 21:13
  We should buy something more entertainment system like and,
• 21:19
  and go from there. So I went to IKEA and I bought a
• 21:25
  little sliding cabinet thing that the TV can go on top of and
• 21:28
  we can use storage for like board games and books and crafts
• 21:31
  and stuff for the boys. And I had never been to IKEA.
• 21:36
  I've drove past it several times and it always kind of screamed
• 21:40
  amusement park to me. You know, like, dude, I was
• 21:42
  like, it's like an amusement park for furniture.
• 21:44
  So I always wanted to go. So I bought, I bought the thing.
• 21:50
  I I knew we had to assemble it ourselves.
• 21:54
  But what I didn't know is how much of a fucking pain in the
• 21:57
  ass it is, how bad the instructions suck.
• 22:01
  And it was up like I want to say never again, but realistically
• 22:07
  probably will do it again because I saved money doing it
• 22:10
  this way. But I had a crash out Bluetooth.
• 22:17
  Sorry, just haven't had lady on Bluetooth in my ears, sorry.
• 22:23
  And I had a crash out beyond crash outs.
• 22:29
  So we're not we're not going to talk politics here on this on
• 22:34
  this podcast. But one thing about Maddie is
• 22:38
  she does not like our sitting U.S.
• 22:41
  President at all. OK.
• 22:43
  And that is something that I like to poke fun at.
• 22:47
  And I had a crash out while I was building this shit because
• 22:53
  it kept falling apart, kept falling apart as I was trying to
• 23:00
  build it. And and it was funny because
• 23:04
  she's looking at me and I go, you know what?
• 23:05
  I go, you know what, Maddie? You were right all along.
• 23:08
  I was like, our fucking president's retarded.
• 23:10
  I was like, he's a fucking idiot.
• 23:11
  He bombed the wrong goddamn country.
• 23:12
  Should have been Sweden. I was like, because fuck this
• 23:15
  shit. I was like, fuck this company.
• 23:16
  Fuck these instructions and fuck Sweden.
• 23:19
  I was like Jesus Christ and it caught her so off guard that she
• 23:26
  started laughing. I started well I really wasn't
• 23:29
  in the laughing mood so I most definitely did not start
• 23:32
  laughing but but it was funny and I still partly stand by it.
• 23:42
  I. It's understandable.
• 23:44
  They they, they, the Swedes got me pissed.
• 23:47
  Yeah. These instructions suck.
• 23:50
  It was a 2 box set and at no point do they tell you when it's
• 23:53
  time to open the next second box.
• 23:55
  It's like you just, you just got to figure that out, you know
• 24:00
  that. And I had extra parts so that's
• 24:03
  also concerning. But it hasn't fell over and it
• 24:07
  hasn't landed on a child yet. So we're we're still good.
• 24:13
  Does it look? Like the extra parts?
• 24:17
  It looks like the picture. It operates smooth, seems
• 24:22
  sturdy. The extra parts were a couple
• 24:30
  screws. It came with screws that it
• 24:33
  wanted me to put into the backboard to mount it to the
• 24:36
  wall. Yeah, I'm not doing that.
• 24:40
  So, but it's it, it came. And what was that?
• 24:44
  There were a couple extra like big ass heavy duty bolts that
• 24:47
  look important, but they don't go anywhere.
• 24:50
  So it was just kind of unsettling that they looked like
• 24:53
  they were like it. I like I, I had to go through
• 24:55
  the instructions and go through all the hardware because I'm
• 24:59
  like, I'm trying to, I'm like, where the hell do these bolts
• 25:01
  go? These are solid, thick ass
• 25:04
  bolts. They are going to do something
• 25:06
  for the structural integrity. Where the fuck do these things
• 25:10
  go? You know?
• 25:11
  And so I'm looking through the instructions and it has every
• 25:14
  single piece of hardware laid out.
• 25:16
  And those bolts are not on the list of hardware.
• 25:18
  They just threw those in for free.
• 25:20
  So just just just a little panic attack they give you.
• 25:23
  And they're like, you know, with their fucking shitty Swedish
• 25:26
  accent, They're like, fucking say yeah, let's throw these into
• 25:29
  box. Yeah, you know, or whatever.
• 25:31
  I'm like fucking, they got a real gay.
• 25:34
  German and Swedish. I don't know what they sound
• 25:39
  like. Oh yeah, Sosa squeeze into box
• 25:43
  and suck my ass. It's going to piss him off so
• 25:48
  bad, yeah. He's going to panic attack,
• 25:52
  crash out and talk shit about the president.
• 25:55
  It's going to be great. Yeah, that's, that's the
• 26:01
  ultimate point, dude. Holy shit.
• 26:03
  Let's piss off. Let's piss everybody off so bad
• 26:06
  that they want to overthrow their own government because
• 26:08
  they're fucking furniture genius Lookout is real new fucking
• 26:15
  player in the game. Yeah, that's the only thing I've
• 26:20
  got for the for the recap here. Fuck sake, I did get some
• 26:31
  chocolate. From IKEA though.
• 26:34
  And it is. Did you have to put that
• 26:35
  together too? I didn't have to put it
• 26:38
  together. Everything nothing is to do.
• 26:43
  Yourself, Chimney. None of the food is in English,
• 26:47
  which is hilarious like that. I can get it.
• 26:50
  Had a lot of fun reading it up. Or Maddie and stuff.
• 26:55
  She was very sick of my shit by the end of the time, by the time
• 26:57
  we were done there. But yeah, that's what I got.
• 27:05
  Do you have one saved round for my recap?
• 27:08
  And I'm not going to talk any and I'm not going to talk about
• 27:12
  it in depth at all. Just a statement of fact.
• 27:16
  I met a guy who at some point in his life worked in a lab
• 27:23
  creating weaponized gonorrhea. Just.
• 27:30
  Like what's the Nope, no questions, Nope, we're not
• 27:33
  talking about it anymore. Not going to talk about
• 27:35
  gonorrhea. Nope, you just.
• 27:39
  Not not just gonorrhea. It's weaponized.
• 27:42
  Weaponized. Well, let's face it, gonorrhea
• 27:46
  is already weaponized. That shit hurts.
• 27:48
  Well, that shit, that shit that makes you, Yeah, Nope, no, let's
• 28:02
  make news. Green Pass.
• 28:03
  That's definitely a weapon. It's more like let's make it
• 28:07
  resistant to every bacteria or every antibacterial antifungal
• 28:13
  that we have. Oh my God.
• 28:16
  Turning gonorrhea into herpes. Hell yeah, make it stink.
• 28:22
  Fuck yeah, let's do it. What do you think in low tide or
• 28:28
  dog fart? Where the fuck would you say
• 28:30
  that and expect me not to ask you any more goddamn questions?
• 28:34
  Oh, just to fuck with you, man, Because that's, that's all that
• 28:38
  I got was. Yeah, one of my jobs previously,
• 28:41
  I worked in a lab and we made weaponized gonorrhea.
• 28:44
  Fucking what? Yeah.
• 28:46
  So anyways. Oh, OK.
• 28:51
  That is that's I hope to fucking God he didn't get a Dick beer
• 28:55
  look. I actually got a Dick beer from
• 28:58
  him. Oh.
• 28:59
  Shit, that's the gift that keeps on giving.
• 29:04
  You don't want that. Yeah, beads.
• 29:07
  Get it? Look at them.
• 29:12
  He needs privacy. Oh, geez.
• 29:15
  All right, Ryan, do you have any funny, off the wall, fucking
• 29:18
  ridiculous stories from the last seven days of your life?
• 29:31
  Yeah, I mean, today we're getting the kids ready for bed,
• 29:35
  let them pick out whatever ridiculous pyjamas they want.
• 29:38
  It's cool. All of a sudden you hear this
• 29:41
  loud echoing fart coming from the bathroom.
• 29:45
  Yep, because it was my four year old.
• 29:48
  He's great. Makes the point of telling me
• 29:51
  that it was not just a fart. How do you bud?
• 29:59
  My wife is on FaceTime with her mom and he struts his stuff
• 30:05
  right out the bathroom, turns around, spreads his cheek, bends
• 30:14
  all the way over and he asked her if if he got all the poop
• 30:19
  off his butt hole. 100% you're kid. 100% I am proud of him for
• 30:30
  continuing the wipe. Good job.
• 30:37
  Honestly the probably the worst part outside of you know, the
• 30:41
  whole FaceTime with her mom, the window being open.
• 30:47
  My 2 year old decided to get out in his hands and knees and do an
• 30:49
  inspection too. I think you got it brother.
• 30:55
  You got it, Logie. Jesus.
• 31:03
  I guess teamwork man. And trust but verify in action.
• 31:08
  I need to. I have a story in that vein.
• 31:17
  My daughter is sitting in sitting in the van and I just
• 31:25
  hear from the back. I'm not going to ship my pants.
• 31:31
  Fucking what? What did you say?
• 31:35
  Nothing. OK, so you know you fucked up,
• 31:39
  but you're not in trouble. What did you say?
• 31:43
  I I said I'm not going to shit my pants.
• 31:48
  Are are you talking to someone or you just you just letting us
• 31:51
  know what what the fuck is going on here?
• 31:55
  And also you don't fucking pay taxes.
• 31:57
  You don't say, you don't say bad words.
• 32:00
  You're not allowed. Cut it out.
• 32:04
  What's she talking to? I don't fucking know.
• 32:08
  You just asked the wrong question.
• 32:10
  Your kid actually shit her pants.
• 32:15
  No. So what she has started doing is
• 32:17
  she is like weapons hot with pissing in her undies but she
• 32:22
  will bolt to the toilet if she has to poop.
• 32:26
  Like she will take off wet undies to sit on the toilet and
• 32:30
  drop a fucking man shit. Oh, I have a story.
• 32:41
  I must have repressed this one and it happened yesterday.
• 32:44
  That's wild. I got 1/2 for you as soon as
• 32:48
  you're done. So I was, I got home from work
• 32:57
  and Maddie was having one hell of a day with the boys, her
• 33:00
  boys, and they weren't listening.
• 33:04
  They were pure chaos. I, I wanted so badly.
• 33:08
  I just could not wait. So yesterday was like the first
• 33:11
  day Rush Michiganders had a day of spring.
• 33:16
  It was 63° out. It was so freaking nice.
• 33:20
  I wanted nothing more than to just go outside with the family.
• 33:25
  I was so excited because I live, I live in Wixom, so I live right
• 33:29
  by Kensington State Park. It's like it's like a 12 minute
• 33:34
  drive for me. And so I was like super excited.
• 33:39
  I was so excited to go to Kensington with the boys or, or
• 33:41
  something, a nature walk or something, you know, and really
• 33:45
  I was just looking forward to being outside with Maddie
• 33:47
  because we're pretty outdoors even haven't had a chance to do
• 33:50
  that yet because it's been fucking cold.
• 33:53
  I walk in the door, dinner's cooked, awesome ass dinner.
• 33:57
  But you could tell on her face she has had it with the day.
• 34:00
  She's just had it. And she's like, these boys have
• 34:05
  been awful. And she was like, I need a
• 34:11
  break. Do you think she said you said
• 34:14
  you wanted to go outside? Do you think you can take the
• 34:16
  boys outside? Do you think you can take them
• 34:17
  to the park? I need a break.
• 34:19
  Like, you just take them. Like, she didn't want nothing to
• 34:21
  do with it, which bummed me out, but I could see on her face that
• 34:25
  she needed the break. And so we're getting ready to do
• 34:31
  that. And that's when all of this went
• 34:32
  down. I'm in the bathroom and I hear,
• 34:39
  what's the matter, Charlie? What do you got a a booger on
• 34:42
  your finger or something? And she's like, oh, don't wipe
• 34:45
  it on the bed. No, Charlie, no.
• 34:48
  Right. Damn it, Charlie's finger is
• 34:57
  full of shit. He reached down into his diaper.
• 35:01
  He shit himself. Complete blowout diaper going up
• 35:08
  his back and everything. Bluetooth connected.
• 35:10
  Fuck me. Hang on.
• 35:17
  All right? I think we're good.
• 35:21
  But to be clear real quick, there's no booger on his finger
• 35:24
  too, right? Thank God, no, thank God, no
• 35:27
  booger. Just shit.
• 35:29
  And he wiped it on my head. So there's shit on my bed,
• 35:33
  there's shit on his finger, there's shit on his back, but I
• 35:35
  don't know that yet. Spoiler alert.
• 35:38
  Oh. Oh no.
• 35:40
  She's like, no, So I like run in there.
• 35:42
  She's messing with the bed. I grabbed Charlie and I go
• 35:45
  straight to the bathroom because I got to wash his hands first
• 35:49
  thing I do as I sit on the toilet real quick and I get the
• 35:53
  water in the tub running because I don't know how bad the
• 35:55
  situation is yet. So I sit down on the toilet.
• 36:00
  I grab Charlie because he's got shit all over his fingers.
• 36:03
  I sit him on my lap, which is how I found out he had shit on
• 36:07
  his back. Water's running.
• 36:11
  I look down, I realized the situation.
• 36:14
  I lift him up. I've got shit all over my legs
• 36:16
  and I'm like Charlie, no, damn it.
• 36:19
  And so like I, I get his clothes off.
• 36:23
  She comes in, she's like, Oh no, it's on your leg.
• 36:26
  I go, I know. And I like, I put him in the
• 36:28
  tub. He's full of shit still.
• 36:30
  It's all over his ass. So much shit.
• 36:32
  Why is there so much shit? I don't know, but there is.
• 36:35
  And I'm like handing her my pants and, and stuff like that.
• 36:40
  And she's like, here, help me lay him out real quick.
• 36:42
  I'm going to spray him down with, with, with some cleaner.
• 36:45
  And so we're spraying it with Mr. Clean cleaner and stuff like
• 36:48
  that. And I look over and now both of
• 36:52
  his Charlie's hands have shit on them because he's playing in his
• 36:54
  shit in the bathtub like an asshole.
• 36:57
  And I'm like, no, so I go in there.
• 37:00
  I have to completely rinse him off.
• 37:01
  Complete fire. Freaking Chinese fire drill
• 37:04
  going on right now. Everything's going wrong.
• 37:07
  So I had to bathe him first, get the shit off of him, obviously,
• 37:10
  then clean the tub out just so I could take the freaking boys to
• 37:13
  the ark. Dude.
• 37:15
  Freaking chaos, man. 2 year olds are something else, man,
• 37:21
  Something else. And but yeah, that's a story
• 37:26
  that I'd repressed. That's gross.
• 37:30
  Sounds shitty dude. It was a whole shitty situation.
• 37:37
  Yeah. What do you got, Ryan?
• 37:42
  Shit, it was like 3-4 weeks ago at this point.
• 37:45
  My wife's having just an awful time with the kids.
• 37:48
  Everybody's starting to go to or whatever sickness is going
• 37:51
  around. She puts the kids in the the
• 37:54
  bath. One of my kids wants the bath,
• 37:57
  the other one doesn't. Surprisingly it was my two year
• 38:00
  old who wanted to shower. He got so angry with his mom he
• 38:06
  waited until she was done with her little Swiffer mop in the
• 38:09
  bathroom to squeeze one off in the bathtub.
• 38:19
  Dropped it. And I'm telling you man, there
• 38:21
  was a fucking thud and we just hear my 4 year old go, mom's
• 38:29
  going to fucking kill you. Oh no, kill you.
• 38:50
  Your mom's going to fucking kill you.
• 39:00
  Feel like this episode is going to be titled Talking Shit with
• 39:02
  Ryan. So believe it or not, you
• 39:09
  wouldn't know this from listening to whatever the fuck
• 39:11
  this episode has been. But this is a predominantly
• 39:15
  military type podcast, yet we've spent a lot of time talking
• 39:23
  about asshole kids, man, Like, but you know, it's, it's cool.
• 39:28
  It's cool to have Ryan on because I've known Ryan for a
• 39:33
  long time. I don't even know how long I've
• 39:34
  known Ryan. Very long time.
• 39:38
  Did you go to Pulse? Almost all the way through 5th
• 39:43
  grade. We moved when I was in fifth
• 39:46
  grade. I ended up going to Bedford.
• 39:48
  OK, so I think I met you in in middle school then, but because
• 39:56
  I was originally supposed to be class of 2010.
• 40:00
  So I don't know that's what you started out as.
• 40:03
  But. Nope, I was supposed to be 11.
• 40:06
  The fucking winners over here man.
• 40:08
  The classes should have been. I was a super duper senior, so
• 40:18
  me and Ryan have had a ton, a ton of fun in high school and a
• 40:24
  ton of fun. And unfortunately I've repressed
• 40:27
  a lot of our memories. I know we've.
• 40:30
  I know we've laughed a lot. I know we we made one of the
• 40:35
  funnier. One of the funnier memories I
• 40:41
  remember is that we both dated the same girl and made a bet out
• 40:45
  of it on who can last longer because she was known to be the
• 40:48
  town bicycle we we didn't really have.
• 40:55
  One back didn't you want to buy a good bag?
• 40:58
  I did, but in this contest, nobody really wins.
• 41:03
  The prizes weaponized gonorrhea. I think, I think we both won
• 41:09
  because we didn't get that far. You know, we, we, we, we.
• 41:17
  He's not wrong. We.
• 41:18
  Basically got cheated on before anything even happened.
• 41:22
  I think I. Made No shit.
• 41:24
  You were both. What the fuck do you mean?
• 41:26
  You both got cheated on? No shit.
• 41:29
  Was that a part of the fucking bet?
• 41:30
  No, no. No, no, no, no, no, no.
• 41:32
  So that's the thing. I think that was just assumed.
• 41:34
  So. OK, fair.
• 41:36
  I think this girl was in your grade.
• 41:39
  I will just say her first name that way.
• 41:42
  They'll give give give him initials.
• 41:48
  You can just give initials. We can fill them in later.
• 41:51
  You know what? I'm going to text him the name
• 41:54
  that was that way he can see. The name?
• 41:59
  Look her up on Facebook because my God, time has not been kind.
• 42:05
  I know. I know, my God.
• 42:11
  So we will not say her name. Fucking alien.
• 42:16
  Ah, yeah. You remember that?
• 42:19
  I Remember Me and Ryan had Jim together and she was in, she was
• 42:25
  in our gym class and I think it was first hour or something like
• 42:29
  that. It was early in the morning.
• 42:31
  I know that. And Ryan got her first and I
• 42:39
  think he lasted 2 days. Hey, day 0 counts as a day.
• 42:45
  OK, give me a little bit of crudish.
• 42:47
  It was 3. Three days, right?
• 42:53
  And then I had heard a lot about this girl and she started
• 42:59
  flirting with me. And so I said to Ryan, because
• 43:05
  he was, it happened so fast that he didn't care like, because it
• 43:09
  happened so fast, like he's got no attachment to this girl
• 43:13
  whatsoever. Met her at school, dated for two
• 43:16
  days and that was it, right? And.
• 43:19
  I think my reaction was, so does this mean I get to eat my lunch
• 43:23
  in peace now? I didn't have to sit with her at
• 43:29
  lunch, so that's good. But so he, I remember he, he was
• 43:39
  like, she, she dumped me. I was like, damn already.
• 43:43
  He was like, he was like, yeah, whatever.
• 43:46
  And we laughed about it. And I was like, yeah, I haven't
• 43:49
  really heard any good, good things about this girl.
• 43:51
  Everybody's been warning me about her.
• 43:54
  I have an idea. I was like, you know something,
• 43:59
  I thought I could be here 2 days.
• 44:03
  And so, so I think I, I think I lasted about a week, which,
• 44:13
  which was impressive. We were still kids.
• 44:17
  So nothing happened between us at all.
• 44:20
  Like nothing physical or anything like that.
• 44:22
  Thank God, because otherwise your buddy who was using
• 44:27
  gonorrhea would have, would have, would have got me, I'm
• 44:29
  sure. But just within the.
• 44:32
  Week she was paid in zero she. Cheated.
• 44:35
  She cheated on me and was letting the dude message me on
• 44:40
  AIM. This was back when AOL Instant
• 44:42
  Messenger was a thing. He was, he was messaging me
• 44:48
  like, I got your girl and I'm like, yeah, you did.
• 44:51
  So did everybody else. I was like, I got her from
• 44:54
  somebody else. I was like, it's just kind of a
• 44:56
  game. And I was like, you want to see
• 45:00
  how long you can cast? Hold on, hold on, wait a minute.
• 45:08
  So you already knew that the number to beat was 3 and you
• 45:13
  fucking went for seven because. I was like, I was a fucking.
• 45:18
  You got to keep the mind. I was young.
• 45:21
  There's nobody. Beating me he's.
• 45:23
  An idiot. We made it seven days.
• 45:24
  Like, maybe she loved me. I don't know.
• 45:29
  Oh, shit. Maybe this is love.
• 45:31
  Maybe. Maybe I turned this girl's life
• 45:33
  around. Like, maybe I'm great.
• 45:34
  You know, she cheated on me with a dude named Dusty.
• 45:40
  And yeah, he was, he was messaging me and like all sorts
• 45:44
  of crazy shit. And then I started laughing.
• 45:47
  And that's when I was like, yeah, we should see how last
• 45:50
  long you last, man. I was like, me and my buddy Ryan
• 45:52
  did that and, you know, let me know.
• 45:55
  And she read it and she was pissed.
• 45:57
  So like I kind of got. No.
• 45:58
  Way I kind of got the last laugh on that one and.
• 46:03
  I'm still laughing about it so. It's just stupid, stupid, dude.
• 46:12
  I was such an asshole in high school, though.
• 46:15
  When I think back, some of the shit that I used to do, I was.
• 46:20
  Kind of a Dick. Which we still have to talk
• 46:23
  about Mr. Sharp at some point. Where I routinely bullied an art
• 46:28
  teacher. Well, I mean, he's the one that
• 46:31
  became a fucking art teacher, so it's fair.
• 46:34
  It's not really making it difficult.
• 46:36
  That's. Fair I got dude I got so many
• 46:42
  freak like that. We need an episode where we can
• 46:44
  just talk about the tomfoolery that was high school.
• 46:48
  I have so many stories that are just like not to toot my own
• 46:53
  you. Remember when the men's room do
• 46:56
  the Spanish classroom got shut down for a while?
• 46:59
  No. Oh, I think that was our second
• 47:07
  sophomore year. Oh yes.
• 47:14
  What a great year, 2000. You're welcome.
• 47:18
  You're welcome. I don't think anybody from
• 47:22
  Annapolis is listening to this. No, that was.
• 47:25
  For me, I don't know why I was angry.
• 47:33
  It might not even been somebody at school.
• 47:36
  I shit in the sink. There you go.
• 47:42
  There, there's another coop story, another shenanigan from
• 47:46
  high school. Oh geez, the statue of
• 47:50
  limitations is way expired on that one, so get fucked.
• 48:04
  How did the logistics of that fucking work?
• 48:11
  I mean, I was 60 lbs lighter than I am.
• 48:16
  I just hopped up and squatted. What did you you?
• 48:20
  Did hold my own body weight. You shit and what?
• 48:23
  The sink. Oh my God.
• 48:27
  So did you like hop off of the sink with a shitty ass and walk
• 48:31
  over to the paper towel or? Oh my guy like pants around the
• 48:34
  ankle straight to his stall. I wipe my house but.
• 48:42
  A guy with a dirty ass is not one of them.
• 48:51
  Jesus. I think.
• 48:54
  That's beautiful. I vaguely remember the teacher's
• 49:00
  name. I don't remember what subject it
• 49:04
  was. It was by the computer lab in
• 49:06
  English hallway. Downstairs, you're talking about
• 49:14
  the, you're talking about the, the, the Spanish teacher.
• 49:18
  No, no, no, it was box subject. Did she teach?
• 49:25
  There was Miss Stager. No, it was like English or
• 49:28
  something. Miss Steger and Miss Wayne and
• 49:31
  taught English right there it. Was it was it was one of the
• 49:37
  teachers there and she was like super religious and shit.
• 49:40
  I just remember I had her class and just walked in like nothing
• 49:43
  was wrong. Super religious.
• 49:48
  We had a religious teacher there.
• 49:52
  I think you were in my class. Probably.
• 50:00
  What did we? We had a lot of classes and a
• 50:04
  lot of years together. So I remember coming back to
• 50:10
  class, I was staring straight ahead trying to act natural,
• 50:13
  looking suspicious as shit, and you look at me like, dude,
• 50:16
  what's wrong? I said don't worry about
• 50:19
  anything and then within like the next passing period they
• 50:27
  locked the fucking bathroom down.
• 50:30
  I don't remember that at all dude.
• 50:33
  Sounds like something you would do so I believe you.
• 50:42
  I'm trying to just remember if it was like because I know I was
• 50:46
  going to say English teachers we had were Miss Laboe, but to be
• 50:51
  fair if it was Miss Laboe's then I most definitely don't.
• 50:53
  I've had that bitch five times. Like she kept failing me.
• 50:58
  Like I have no problem with going out and just saying fuck
• 51:02
  that awful woman like she would she she failed me out of
• 51:07
  pettiness one time and I called her out on it at parent teacher
• 51:12
  conference. We did the we we talked about it
• 51:14
  on this podcast before. Actually I did AI did a really
• 51:18
  long paper and it was like one of the first assignments where I
• 51:22
  actually put in a ton of effort and I had gotten in trouble for
• 51:27
  something else that had nothing to do with her class.
• 51:30
  I think I got into a fight or something and I got suspended
• 51:33
  and I missed the crucial part of learning how to do the
• 51:39
  parenthetic citations at the bottom of the IRA of the, of
• 51:42
  the, of the paper. And so I didn't know how to do
• 51:46
  it. So I had to go to Saturday
• 51:49
  school to make up for my suspensions because it's what
• 51:53
  you had to do. If you got suspended, you had to
• 51:55
  go and re earn your your time by going to Saturday school.
• 51:59
  And so they would have two volunteer teachers that would
• 52:01
  come in so the students could learn on Saturdays.
• 52:04
  And so we had this paper and I had to do it.
• 52:07
  And I told the teacher there, her name was Missus Dallas.
• 52:10
  She was one of my favorite teachers.
• 52:13
  I was like, I don't know how to do parenthetic citation.
• 52:16
  And she's like, OK, I don't either.
• 52:18
  Let me e-mail Miss LeBeau. Let me see if she gets back and
• 52:23
  what gets back with me. And we'll figure this out.
• 52:26
  And she's like, and if not, I'm sure she's like, I'm sure she'll
• 52:29
  work because, you know, I'm, I'm emailing her about it.
• 52:32
  And if you don't know how to do it, you don't know how to do it.
• 52:34
  She's like, but she's like, I know in college that when we did
• 52:38
  papers, we had to source everything that we found and we
• 52:42
  would use what's called footnotes.
• 52:45
  So she showed me how to do that. So I did footnotes instead of
• 52:50
  parenthetic citation with to this day, I still don't know
• 52:53
  what it is because she never told me.
• 52:57
  And this paper we were given weeks to do and she gave me a
• 53:02
  one out of 100. That is impressive.
• 53:07
  For context, our buddy Mikey did an awful paper where he didn't
• 53:17
  do put in any effort. He picked a stupid topic because
• 53:21
  he was trying to be funny and she gave him a 60 out of 100.
• 53:26
  She gave me a one out of 100. So this was like we had parent
• 53:30
  teacher conferences and finally, like I'm like chomping at the
• 53:34
  bit to talk to this woman because I got in a lot of
• 53:36
  trouble with my parents. Because if you failed that
• 53:38
  paper, you failed that class, that that paper was your final
• 53:42
  on that class. And I got a one out of 100.
• 53:45
  My parents were pissed. And it's my third time taking
• 53:48
  that class and because of this fucking paper.
• 53:54
  And so finally I'm sitting there and she's like telling my
• 53:58
  parents about how such a huge piece of shit I am and
• 54:01
  everything like that. And, and finally I like I
• 54:05
  finally get the last couple minutes to talk and I brought
• 54:09
  the paper in and I brought Mikey's paper in because Mikey
• 54:13
  let me have his paper. And so I was like, I worked
• 54:20
  really hard on this. I was like, I had another
• 54:22
  teacher try to help me who tried to e-mail you.
• 54:24
  And I was like, and I can get that e-mail from you.
• 54:27
  I was like, I can get that e-mail from for you.
• 54:29
  I was like, all I got to do was ask Miss Dallas.
• 54:31
  I was like, she sent you an e-mail about it asking for your
• 54:34
  help. You never got back with us.
• 54:35
  I then asked you in person and you would not help me.
• 54:38
  And I have, I put in so much effort into this paper to where
• 54:44
  I had never put this much effort into an assignment before.
• 54:46
  I genuinely enjoyed this assignment and you're failing me
• 54:50
  because of something that I did not have instructions to.
• 54:53
  And I was like, and even now as we sit here, you're not showing
• 54:56
  me what I did wrong. And I got a one out of 100.
• 54:59
  I was like, and I brought my buddy's paper in who also didn't
• 55:02
  do parenthetic citations. And his paper's a joke.
• 55:06
  And you gave him a 60. I was like, so I want to know
• 55:09
  why I got a one out of 100 out of this and I want to know, I
• 55:13
  want to know now and I want you to tell me and I want you to
• 55:15
  tell me in front of my parents because they are mad at me
• 55:18
  because I failed this test and I know that I shouldn't have
• 55:21
  failed this test. And she looks at me, looks me
• 55:23
  straight in the eyes and she goes, your guys's time is up.
• 55:26
  I need to talk to the next parents.
• 55:30
  So when I say fuck Miss LaBelle, I mean that.
• 55:33
  But I got my last laugh like I always do.
• 55:36
  That's my thing. When we did our graduation,
• 55:40
  we're, we, I, we probably all did it at the same venue.
• 55:46
  We're, they're reading our names.
• 55:48
  I have a headphone in, in one ear and I'm, I'm only, I'm only
• 55:53
  doing the graduation ceremony. I wasn't super proud to be there
• 55:56
  because it took me longer to graduate than everybody else.
• 55:58
  So it wasn't like a super proud historic moment for me to go up
• 56:01
  and grab my diploma. I was just happy to be done with
• 56:04
  school and but I did it because my parents wanted to see me do
• 56:08
  it and but we didn't pay extra money for the photo that you
• 56:11
  would take when you'd look at the camera with your diploma or
• 56:14
  whatever. So how it went is Mr. Scott was
• 56:17
  on the podium handing out the pump diplomas.
• 56:20
  And right before you get on the stage is Miss LeBeau.
• 56:25
  And so we're waiting in line and she, I'm standing there and they
• 56:32
  Call My Name and she goes, take your headphones out.
• 56:35
  And I look at her. Go.
• 56:36
  Go fuck yourself, Miss Laboe. When I walk up, I grab my
• 56:39
  diploma. I don't look at the camera.
• 56:41
  I turn and I look at Miss Laboe and I go.
• 56:45
  And then I get off the stage and I walk off with my diploma.
• 56:48
  So I got the last lap on that one.
• 56:52
  That's wonderful. Yeah, but.
• 56:59
  Yeah. All right, Jimmy, you want to
• 57:00
  get into your your questionnaire.
• 57:03
  Yeah. So anyway, Ryan, this is a
• 57:06
  military podcast we had you on because of our military
• 57:13
  experience. So the point of this group that
• 57:17
  we have and the podcast that we do is basically like what we're
• 57:23
  doing right now is, you know, we we go way back.
• 57:26
  We've known each other for a very long time and but life gets
• 57:30
  in the way of staying in touch with people, right?
• 57:34
  And now I didn't serve, you guys did.
• 57:37
  But you guys, I'm sure Ryan, you also have the same situation
• 57:43
  where you guys have served with people that you did not
• 57:46
  necessarily stay in touch with. And unfortunately, those people
• 57:49
  might not be with us anymore. A lot of us have friends like
• 57:54
  that. I know I have friends that have,
• 57:57
  you know, taken their own lives or you know, or had something
• 58:01
  happened to him or something like that.
• 58:02
  So that is the main point of this podcast is to check in with
• 58:07
  your people, stay in touch with the boys.
• 58:10
  Bluetooth disconnected. So that's good.
• 58:15
  It's just it's just to keep in touch with the boys and stuff
• 58:18
  like that. But we want to we want to start
• 58:22
  talking more about military stuff.
• 58:24
  So we came up with what I think would be cool to ask all of our
• 58:28
  military guests. This will kind of be good for
• 58:33
  the non military listeners because these are kind of
• 58:36
  questions that I definitely have for military people.
• 58:40
  So I think that other people who did not serve would also be
• 58:43
  interested in hearing these questions.
• 58:44
  So we put together a questionnaire and so I kind of
• 58:47
  want to spend some time with you for a minute and ask you a
• 58:50
  series of questions and see what your answers are.
• 58:53
  So this is a new segment that we're going to start doing with
• 58:58
  our veteran guests. The questions are becoming more
• 59:04
  and more as Mike is adding more questions.
• 59:07
  So we didn't prepare you on these questions, but we're going
• 59:09
  to need your Social Security number and stuff.
• 59:12
  Oh that's fine. I kind of sparked anyway so.
• 59:15
  Same. I need pictures of your taint
• 59:18
  and triplicate. Yeah, there you.
• 59:21
  Go. Got that ready to go.
• 59:25
  But anyway, no, I added four basic like level set questions
• 59:31
  so there's no second shooter on the grassy Knoll with these.
• 59:34
  It's all super straightforward stuff.
• 59:40
  So for the listeners, this is going to be a new segment that
• 59:43
  we're going to try to do pretty much every time we have a
• 59:46
  military guest on. I would actually like to run
• 59:50
  this questionnaire at some point on Mike and on Gavin.
• 59:55
  I think that'd be cool. So, but so we're going to start
• 1:00:00
  with the questions. What branch of the military?
• 1:00:03
  Were you in? I did 4 years of active army and
• 1:00:08
  did six years to the National Guard.
• 1:00:12
  OK, What was your what was your job in the Army?
• 1:00:17
  On active it was I'm. I'm going to kind of simplify it
• 1:00:21
  a little bit because titles are kind of long and stupid.
• 1:00:27
  First one was logistics but when I re enlisted into the National
• 1:00:31
  Guard I was able to change my job to communications.
• 1:00:39
  Hell yeah. Did you have any deployment?
• 1:00:45
  Not in the sense of where people think Middle East.
• 1:00:51
  OK, what was your first day in the service like?
• 1:00:57
  Like your first day like, like walk me through what your first
• 1:01:01
  day on base or boot camp was like.
• 1:01:03
  What was it like getting off of the bus and you're all of a
• 1:01:07
  sudden you're you're in the military now.
• 1:01:11
  So I I stayed in a hotel and it was like near Troy.
• 1:01:17
  Get up ass early, I fly out, I land in South Carolina.
• 1:01:25
  I, I've always been the dumb ass Jimmy.
• 1:01:29
  I, I, I run into, I run into an NCO at the airport.
• 1:01:36
  As soon as I land in South Carolina.
• 1:01:38
  I look at him like, what's up man?
• 1:01:40
  I'm here for basic training. Turns out that was actually my
• 1:01:45
  soon to be senior drill instructor.
• 1:01:48
  Your you got to say drill instructor, our senior drill
• 1:01:51
  Sergeant. He was my personal one that I
• 1:01:54
  didn't know that was going to be mine yet and he didn't even know
• 1:01:57
  who the fuck I was until I was done with reception.
• 1:02:02
  So I'm the only dumbass the airport doing push ups.
• 1:02:12
  They put us on a bus and my first thought is, well, this is
• 1:02:15
  fucking gay. Like I just sign up for the
• 1:02:17
  military and they just put us on some 1946.
• 1:02:21
  School bus. Where's the fucking mind?
• 1:02:28
  Do my thing, go through reception and then I meet my
• 1:02:34
  senior drill Sergeant and he recognized me immediately.
• 1:02:40
  I did more push ups. He got pissed all over again.
• 1:02:51
  So my, my first day was just I, I didn't, I, I probably should
• 1:02:56
  have been a little more professional.
• 1:02:57
  I guess I got strong, not sour. It is like when it comes to
• 1:03:07
  like, I don't want to be that guy who always does this because
• 1:03:13
  this is what this is what not this is what people who didn't
• 1:03:17
  serve say. And it always seems to strike a
• 1:03:19
  chord with everybody. That's Sir.
• 1:03:23
  But this is this is This is why I'm glad I didn't serve because
• 1:03:29
  I just don't like, I'm not saying I'm a hard ass and I'm
• 1:03:33
  not saying I would have been a hard ass in this given
• 1:03:35
  situation. I I would.
• 1:03:37
  Have punched me in the face if you got my face.
• 1:03:40
  Yeah, I'm not going to, I'm not going to go and tell you that.
• 1:03:43
  But what I will say is like, I'm glad that I never found myself
• 1:03:47
  in a position where I'm getting yelled at when I didn't do
• 1:03:51
  anything wrong. I just said, Hey, I'm here for
• 1:03:54
  my first day. I'm nervous.
• 1:03:56
  I'm a kid. I don't know where to go.
• 1:03:58
  And they're like, do push up. Like I'm glad I never had to
• 1:04:01
  because, you know, I don't know. It's it's, I understand why they
• 1:04:08
  do it, but it really is from a non from somebody who didn't
• 1:04:14
  serve. It is a very interesting way of
• 1:04:19
  doing a career where your first several months or them just
• 1:04:23
  trying to break you so they can build you.
• 1:04:27
  You know, man, you can't break stupid, all right?
• 1:04:34
  What was something that you were not prepared for in the service?
• 1:04:39
  Was it all the push ups? No, I kind of expected that for
• 1:04:43
  a little while. Are you talking like basic
• 1:04:50
  training or overall? Well, just like both what was So
• 1:04:57
  I, I guess I could word the question better.
• 1:04:59
  So like obviously before you go into the service, you have a,
• 1:05:04
  you have what you think is your general idea of what it's going
• 1:05:08
  to be like. So like what was something that
• 1:05:11
  you were not prepared for that we were like, oh shit.
• 1:05:14
  And it took you off guard and you were just couldn't believe
• 1:05:16
  that that was something that you had to do or had to deal with or
• 1:05:19
  had to see or that was the way it was.
• 1:05:27
  It, it sounds weird, but I I was not prepared for when you're,
• 1:05:31
  when you have your duty assignment, as long as duty, as
• 1:05:35
  long as you're not like doing some specialized training,
• 1:05:39
  deployed, whatever you are, like stateside in Germany, Italy,
• 1:05:45
  wherever your Saturday and Sunday are yours.
• 1:05:52
  Fun fact, my very first Saturday in Germany I was standing at
• 1:05:56
  attention on the basketball court for 2 1/2 hours waiting
• 1:06:01
  for the other people from my unit to show up until someone
• 1:06:05
  goes hey retard what are you fucking doing?
• 1:06:11
  Bullshit. And we went OK, well.
• 1:06:15
  That sucks. That is, that does suck.
• 1:06:26
  What is a moment that made you realize that the world could be
• 1:06:30
  a dark place? When you ask for hold on, when
• 1:06:41
  you basically ask for help, people just turn their backs and
• 1:06:47
  leave. Help in what way if you don't
• 1:06:54
  mind me asking? And if not, we can move.
• 1:06:56
  On mentally. Oh yeah, OK, understood.
• 1:07:01
  That is another thing, so bear with us as we get the ball
• 1:07:06
  rolling on what this podcast is, but that's going to be one of
• 1:07:09
  our huge things too, is that we want to kind of focus on and and
• 1:07:14
  and and talk deeper in on that stuff.
• 1:07:16
  So it would be cool to have you on at a later time and we can
• 1:07:23
  break dive into that part. Maybe not specifics or anything
• 1:07:27
  like that, but you know, definitely I think the best way
• 1:07:31
  to get people help is to talk about it and get them
• 1:07:34
  comfortable with them talking about it.
• 1:07:35
  And the only way people are going to talk about is when they
• 1:07:37
  see other people are talking about it.
• 1:07:39
  So that's just my my perspective from the outside looking in.
• 1:07:43
  I didn't, I've never found myself in the position to be in
• 1:07:48
  that. Some of these guys have been put
• 1:07:50
  in. But you know, everybody's got
• 1:07:55
  mental hurdles and mental, mental challenges and mental
• 1:07:58
  struggles of some sort. So like we can all, at least in
• 1:08:01
  some regard, even though it's not the same shared experience
• 1:08:04
  as we can, we're all human. So we can cannot put that dog.
• 1:08:08
  Oh, there's two dogs. Look at you.
• 1:08:12
  You got the whole fam over there.
• 1:08:14
  Which one's the idiot? The white one.
• 1:08:17
  Yeah. Usually.
• 1:08:19
  Yeah. All right, what is the coolest
• 1:08:24
  thing that you got to do in the military?
• 1:08:33
  Got to ride in the Blackhawk, that was pretty cool.
• 1:08:36
  Hell yeah. I mean it was only like to top
• 1:08:40
  the tree levels, but pretty sweet.
• 1:08:45
  Well, it's definitely better than below the tree levels,
• 1:08:47
  that's for sure. So that would be pretty scary.
• 1:08:52
  I don't think that's called flying at that point.
• 1:08:56
  No. It's falling with style.
• 1:09:03
  I mean, that's more time than I have in a Black Hawk, that's for
• 1:09:05
  damn sure. So that's pretty fucking cool.
• 1:09:11
  That is sick. I've never been in a helicopter
• 1:09:13
  period. It'd be cool you.
• 1:09:18
  Know it was my only time so. Was what?
• 1:09:27
  What? I don't know if Kobe would
• 1:09:32
  recommend it dude. I had I OK, I'm glad you said it
• 1:09:37
  because when, when I dude, as soon as I said below the tree
• 1:09:40
  line, my mind was going there and I'm like Nope, Nope, Nope.
• 1:09:47
  I, I had a buddy at work who was a die hard Kobe Bryant man die
• 1:09:57
  hard. He got married in Vegas in a
• 1:10:01
  Kobe Bryant jersey. I think he got married.
• 1:10:05
  He might not have gotten married in Vegas, but he got married in
• 1:10:08
  New Jersey. That's how big of a Kobe fan he
• 1:10:10
  was. So obviously and, and, and, and
• 1:10:12
  let me just say it is incredibly, I don't know, it is
• 1:10:15
  not happy. Jesus is incredibly sad.
• 1:10:18
  What happened to Kobe and his daughter and and everybody else
• 1:10:23
  that were involved in that helicopter?
• 1:10:26
  That part is very sad. However, I have a very dark.
• 1:10:32
  Pilot brick to shot so. I have a very dark or my my my
• 1:10:41
  buddy. We are very mean to each other
• 1:10:44
  awful. Like I don't really know if
• 1:10:47
  we're friends like that's how mean we are to each other.
• 1:10:49
  Like we seem to let out all of our aggression towards each
• 1:10:53
  other and then laugh about it in some regard.
• 1:10:56
  But we got into a lot of almost fist fights because of how mean
• 1:10:59
  that we are to each other. So like a lot of the things that
• 1:11:01
  I would do to this man to be funny, we're we're, we're pretty
• 1:11:04
  mean and vice versa. Anyway, he had a desk job at
• 1:11:09
  this warehouse that I worked in and we worked for a hydroponic
• 1:11:14
  distribution center and we carried a brand that had a lot
• 1:11:19
  of artwork. And one of the artworks on one
• 1:11:22
  of their supplement jugs was a picture of a mountain.
• 1:11:27
  And actually hang on, I'm going to just, I'm going to look it up
• 1:11:33
  so you guys can get a visual not of the brand because you know,
• 1:11:36
  legal stuff, but, but what I did, I can find a picture of and
• 1:11:47
  it's just as funny. So anyway, so there's this
• 1:11:54
  picture, there's this picture that it's a big mountain and it
• 1:12:01
  looks like it's California, you know, whatever, it's just a big,
• 1:12:05
  it's a big poster of a mountain. And I went on his computer and
• 1:12:12
  while he wasn't there and I printed up a picture and I put
• 1:12:15
  it on said mountain. Now, I will say that taking a
• 1:12:19
  picture of Kobe would have been distasteful.
• 1:12:22
  Taking a picture of, well, taking a picture of the crash or
• 1:12:27
  anything like that would be distasteful.
• 1:12:29
  I'd I had, I had some taste. But I took a picture of Kobe
• 1:12:33
  Bryant's face, though, and I did a cut out of it and I put it
• 1:12:40
  over this helicopter, put it on the side of the mountain.
• 1:12:49
  Oh, no. And he came back and he, he
• 1:12:59
  called off work the day that Kobe Bryant died because he, he
• 1:13:03
  needed a mental health day. Like, that's how big of a fan
• 1:13:06
  this man was. But the picture that I put up
• 1:13:09
  was so goddamn funny that he came in the next day.
• 1:13:13
  Saw that and started laughing hysterically.
• 1:13:16
  Knew immediately who it was. Me came out onto the floor
• 1:13:20
  yelling you're a piece of shit. I can't believe you did that.
• 1:13:25
  Have you no class? How could you do that?
• 1:13:28
  Where did you find that picture? And I'm dying laughing.
• 1:13:35
  And I also then I also videoed me doing it of putting the
• 1:13:39
  putting the picture on the on the on the poster and stuff.
• 1:13:45
  It was so it wasn't necessarily the Kobe thing that was funny.
• 1:13:48
  It was just fucking with my friend that was funny because
• 1:13:50
  he's he's kind of a piece of shit and he had it coming.
• 1:13:56
  But OK, two more questions. Name an extremely memorable
• 1:14:00
  experience that comes to mind. Would you miss being in the
• 1:14:04
  military or active duty? But probably my my last day like
• 1:14:13
  my the National Guard they refer to it as drill.
• 1:14:17
  My very last day. My unit was already deployed at
• 1:14:23
  this time. I decided once we found out that
• 1:14:26
  she was pregnant with our first that I wasn't going to re
• 1:14:29
  enlist. They announced the deployment
• 1:14:33
  about a day later. I was already in DC at that
• 1:14:37
  point. It made-up my mind not doing
• 1:14:40
  this. I'm going to walk away.
• 1:14:43
  I'll be at 10 years. Most memorable day is going to
• 1:14:49
  be where I got to hold my 6 month old and eight-month old.
• 1:14:58
  He was eight months and walk out the door for the final time.
• 1:15:03
  No one. Like I just chose my son over
• 1:15:07
  this uniform and I wore a fucking tiara and my wife got a
• 1:15:17
  thing. I said someone like retired or
• 1:15:19
  some shit and put it on a sash. I felt like a fancy bitch.
• 1:15:25
  Oh yeah dude Slay that's that's bad ass name.
• 1:15:38
  Name an an extremely memorable experience that makes you miss
• 1:15:44
  being an active duty God. What What for you gets the
• 1:15:55
  nostalgia going? There there's a few different
• 1:16:05
  things that it could be something as dumb as going to
• 1:16:08
  the shooting range and just smelling the gunpowder.
• 1:16:17
  My my 4 year old, the one that was at my last day, she's
• 1:16:21
  already perfected the good old knife hand.
• 1:16:24
  So anytime I piss him off and he hits me with that brings me
• 1:16:28
  back. Talking shit about any like
• 1:16:35
  military movies that really gets going.
• 1:16:38
  We used to watch military movies a lot just to make fun of them.
• 1:16:46
  What's your favorite military movie?
• 1:16:47
  This is not on the questionnaire, but I'm curious.
• 1:16:52
  I feel like Hacksaw Ridge is pretty good.
• 1:16:58
  That was really good. My my favorite military movie is
• 1:17:07
  the first half a Full Metal Jacket.
• 1:17:11
  That is my favorite military movie and I don't know if you
• 1:17:17
  knew this. Second-half trash.
• 1:17:21
  I don't know if you knew this, but you guys have seen that,
• 1:17:24
  right? Yes, yes.
• 1:17:26
  Are you aware that that that first the whole drill start, the
• 1:17:30
  whole the whole freaking first half is unscripted?
• 1:17:35
  Yeah. Did you know that the original
• 1:17:38
  actor, who was supposed to be the drill instructor, couldn't
• 1:17:41
  keep going because he lost his voice?
• 1:17:45
  Oh, really? Yeah.
• 1:17:47
  I didn't know there was another actor.
• 1:17:49
  Yeah, so he was brought in to kind of be like the what the
• 1:17:55
  fuck do you call it? Like the expert, whatever.
• 1:17:58
  Like the tech advisor? Yeah, it brought in to be like
• 1:18:03
  special advisor type thing. Homie lost his voice and just
• 1:18:12
  completely free balled it man. Hell yeah.
• 1:18:19
  I just watching, watching him go off and just knowing that there
• 1:18:27
  wasn't a script and that it was just basically him in A room and
• 1:18:31
  just taking everybody off guard with it is so it just makes it
• 1:18:36
  so much better because it's such a great scene.
• 1:18:43
  Have you heard the Bappy Dock version of it?
• 1:18:45
  No. Oh my God, I'll send it to you.
• 1:18:55
  I will send it to you. Such a legendary OH.
• 1:19:04
  Fuck. So if you ever, if you ever get
• 1:19:07
  free time, you should look into all of the movies that Dale Dye
• 1:19:12
  was a tech advisor for. Like all of the all of the big
• 1:19:16
  military movies he was a part of in the background.
• 1:19:20
  And he would take a lot of the guys playing military guys and
• 1:19:23
  put them through like a, a boot camp light type thing.
• 1:19:29
  And some of the feedback he has about some of these A list
• 1:19:32
  actors is fucking insane. But some of the shit that he's
• 1:19:36
  done to these guys is absolutely fucking nuts.
• 1:19:48
  This cat will not get off me bro is being invasive is all.
• 1:19:55
  You know yours is being calm and cool.
• 1:19:59
  This is a. Move mine I.
• 1:20:01
  Can hear it they're. Three boys.
• 1:20:04
  That's the worst part. Oh, really?
• 1:20:06
  Really. I just hear.
• 1:20:10
  Yeah, they're fucking fighting. Fucking retards.
• 1:20:13
  Two brothers from the same litter and they can't get along.
• 1:20:18
  That's funny, my third. One just stopped caring.
• 1:20:20
  You moved away and you she doesn't want any smoke.
• 1:20:25
  Do you have any? Do your cats do like any
• 1:20:28
  routinely like pain in the ass things?
• 1:20:32
  Like they. Have a certain base that there
• 1:20:34
  is goat that it is their go to. Like Oh my God, you're an idiot,
• 1:20:37
  why do you do this? They're fucking obnoxious, so
• 1:20:40
  they hang out in the basement so that they don't destroy anything
• 1:20:47
  outside of the basement, and they go up into the ceiling
• 1:20:54
  right next to the fucking vent and all night long.
• 1:20:58
  So just fucking meow and IT projects the entire house.
• 1:21:10
  So Beads has a few behaviors that drive me nuts.
• 1:21:20
  He has just recently started when we put the boys down for
• 1:21:25
  bed, they're pretty. They have a pretty particular
• 1:21:31
  bed, bed bedtime routine. So like they're very particular
• 1:21:39
  about how so like Maddie has all the lights off.
• 1:21:41
  It's got to be dark. It's got to be quiet and you
• 1:21:43
  know. Dude, how how teach me?
• 1:21:46
  I, I don't know. So fuck when we when, when, when
• 1:21:51
  we put them to bed, it's lights out, door closed, all that pure
• 1:21:55
  silence, right. Beads has recently started when
• 1:22:02
  I go in there to put the boys down, Beads runs in there and
• 1:22:06
  runs underneath their bed. So I have to put the boys down
• 1:22:11
  and then I have to walk out after saying goodnight to them
• 1:22:15
  and everything. I have to say goodnight to them,
• 1:22:18
  walk out, grab his cat food, give it a little, and then he
• 1:22:23
  comes out, you know, like it's time to eat.
• 1:22:27
  That's how I get him out. Otherwise he'll stay in there
• 1:22:30
  because I have to close the door.
• 1:22:32
  And if I close the door and he's stuck in there, he will meow
• 1:22:38
  until I let him out. So another pain in the ass thing
• 1:22:43
  that he does without fail, and he's always nice enough to do
• 1:22:47
  this at night, is this stupid idiot cat likes to eat the
• 1:22:53
  handles off of grocery bags. So grocery bags, for those who
• 1:23:01
  don't know this, you know how grocery bags have to be able to
• 1:23:04
  separate and stuff like that? The reason they don't, the
• 1:23:09
  reason they don't stick to each other and the reason they're
• 1:23:12
  able to separate so easily is because they're coated with fish
• 1:23:15
  oil. That's why.
• 1:23:17
  That's why bags separate so easy, the cats can smell it and
• 1:23:24
  he goes for the handles. So he eats the handles
• 1:23:27
  completely off of the grocery bags and then he shits them out
• 1:23:32
  because they don't digest. So he'll.
• 1:23:35
  So sometimes he'll take a shit and it'll be a cat shit wrapped
• 1:23:41
  in plastic basically is what happens when it comes out.
• 1:23:44
  He's lucky it doesn't wrap around his intestines somehow,
• 1:23:47
  but. Some man you got to help Mug
• 1:23:48
  grab the bag and pull it out. I'm getting there.
• 1:23:52
  Sometimes for a reason. Sometimes I'm lucky enough to
• 1:23:56
  where he'll come out of the litter box and the plastic
• 1:24:01
  handle will still be in his asshole and the shit will be
• 1:24:05
  dangling from it and it'll come down and smack him in the back
• 1:24:08
  of the legs and scare him take off like a pan out of hell down
• 1:24:12
  the house with a with a fucking dangly turd chasing him.
• 1:24:21
  Honestly, that should be the biggest pain in the ass about
• 1:24:24
  the whole thing, but it's not. The worst part is he chooses to
• 1:24:28
  get into the bags at like 3:00 in the morning.
• 1:24:31
  So you just hear of him just crunching on these fucking and
• 1:24:38
  it's like, and then you just hear me go, God damn it, there's
• 1:24:40
  a grocery bag in the house. I haven't like a no grocery.
• 1:24:44
  Every time there's a grocery bag here, he lets me know because
• 1:24:47
  you hear it in the middle of the night.
• 1:24:50
  So if you like, if Maddie comes to stay the night, she brings
• 1:24:53
  makeup or whatever and it's in a in a grocery bag.
• 1:24:55
  Oh, he finds it and then he wakes us up.
• 1:25:02
  He's very nice to do that. But but yeah, sorry, there was
• 1:25:11
  somebody driving outside and no, I didn't know.
• 1:25:15
  It's not like they're pulling in my driveway, but they weren't.
• 1:25:18
  It wasn't the the laundry ghost again.
• 1:25:20
  It was not, but yeah, so that's that's some of the things that
• 1:25:27
  my asshole cat does. See, I don't have any fun
• 1:25:32
  asshole cat stories because I just have two dogs and they're
• 1:25:34
  dumb as fuck, so everything they do is like the new dumbest thing
• 1:25:38
  they've ever fucking done. Is it?
• 1:25:43
  Yeah. Just can't get over the fact
• 1:25:45
  that your kids need it to be dark.
• 1:25:50
  Yeah. Dude everything this fucking
• 1:25:52
  house is turned on at night. Including you or what?
• 1:25:57
  I'm getting old, so I mean 5050. Yeah, they but, well, it's it's
• 1:26:05
  it's not, it's not. Dude like I I wish I could show
• 1:26:09
  you my kids room right now. The lights is fucking on.
• 1:26:13
  If they're out cold, the light is on.
• 1:26:15
  It's not that great, let me tell you, because that means that I
• 1:26:21
  have to have blackout curtains because unfortunately,
• 1:26:27
  especially the 2 year old, the 2 year old is up at six.
• 1:26:32
  He does not sleep in. He gets.
• 1:26:34
  It must be nice. And there's nothing nice about
• 1:26:37
  that. You're trying to sleep in on a
• 1:26:38
  weekend and you hear freaking a kid getting into shit because he
• 1:26:42
  doesn't go Mom, I'm up. He doesn't go, hey, I'm up.
• 1:26:46
  He's like, hey, I'm going to get into shit.
• 1:26:48
  So like you have to wait. We have a baby monitor which we
• 1:26:53
  use and so that's how we know when he's up because we'll hear
• 1:26:55
  him. We'll hear him mess with the
• 1:26:57
  door or something like that. He's also not considerate of
• 1:27:00
  other people, which is typical for a 2 year old.
• 1:27:05
  But it's a pain in the ass because when he's sharing the
• 1:27:09
  bedroom with two other boys and it's 6:00 in the morning and
• 1:27:15
  he's going woo woo and he's up playing with his toys and he's
• 1:27:19
  playing with he's now woken up two other boys that are not
• 1:27:23
  ready to be up. So they're being butt holes
• 1:27:26
  because they're tired. But they're but they're five and
• 1:27:28
  six so they can't go back to bed.
• 1:27:31
  They got to get up. No, I don't want to go to bed.
• 1:27:33
  And it's a punishment if you try to put them back to bed.
• 1:27:35
  They got to be up because they don't like sleep because they're
• 1:27:37
  nuts. And yeah, it's pain in the butt,
• 1:27:41
  but, well, yeah, it is. It is kind of nice not not not
• 1:27:48
  needing to cater to Night Lights and stuff like that because.
• 1:27:52
  Oh dude, I wish it was Night Lights.
• 1:27:55
  Yeah, you, you've got all the lights on.
• 1:27:57
  It's dude every fucking thing. How did you so how did that, how
• 1:28:01
  did that come to be? It used to be where you know it,
• 1:28:07
  whatever shit was on, whether it's like this little tiny thing
• 1:28:12
  that rotates, this shows like stars and shit like that used to
• 1:28:16
  be enough. And then not this last summer,
• 1:28:20
  but the summer before their cousin who fucks like 9 or 10.
• 1:28:33
  Well, I just got down. Suppose she's scared of the
• 1:28:38
  dark. Well my impression will spawns
• 1:28:43
  now they're scared of the dark. And then it became something
• 1:28:46
  where now they are scared of the dark.
• 1:28:48
  And then Logan decided, you know, he's done with pull ups.
• 1:28:58
  Cool, fantastic, been doing a great job, but now the bathroom
• 1:29:03
  lights on because he would rather stand in the hallway and
• 1:29:07
  piss in the hallway if he can see.
• 1:29:10
  Oh. Man, so they're like legit
• 1:29:14
  scared of the dark. Oh fuck yeah.
• 1:29:16
  So what I would try? When they get in trouble, I
• 1:29:20
  actually did the whole I will turn your light off is a
• 1:29:24
  legitimate threat to them. Well, that's nice.
• 1:29:31
  What I would do. So unfortunately you guys are
• 1:29:35
  kind of past being able to fix it as parents because they're
• 1:29:41
  going to walk all over you, right?
• 1:29:43
  But what you need to. Do they already do?
• 1:29:45
  What what you need to do is you need to have them stay the night
• 1:29:49
  somewhere where they don't not not where they don't know the
• 1:29:53
  adult, but where they but where they don't know you know how
• 1:29:57
  like when you. Bitches.
• 1:30:05
  Whatever. Cats are being assholes and if I
• 1:30:12
  flip the the chair down it's enough to freak them out.
• 1:30:17
  They think I'm going to come start yelling at them.
• 1:30:20
  Nice. Yeah.
• 1:30:24
  So like kids will take like kids, old kids, kids naturally
• 1:30:28
  they want to test boundaries, what they can get away with.
• 1:30:34
  You know, it's one of the first things that they do with adults.
• 1:30:38
  My son would not sleep in his bed, my son when he's here
• 1:30:46
  because he sleeps with his mother when he's at her house.
• 1:30:51
  I couldn't. He's got his own.
• 1:30:53
  He had his own room and his own bed and everything and he
• 1:30:55
  wouldn't sleep in it. And then so like when I started
• 1:30:59
  dating, obviously it's he can't sleep in my bed with me.
• 1:31:07
  So like it went from he, he would, he would sleep on the
• 1:31:12
  couch in the living room like it would All right, we got a new
• 1:31:20
  question on the, on the questionnaire.
• 1:31:24
  I I am going to ask this question.
• 1:31:33
  He would sleep on the couch. Well, so when when I started
• 1:31:37
  dating Maddie and she was like, he needs to sleep on his bed,
• 1:31:42
  doesn't need to sleep on the couch.
• 1:31:43
  She's like, especially if she's like, I'm not going to have my,
• 1:31:48
  my, my, my boys sleep in the bed and then they watch him sleep on
• 1:31:51
  the couch. That's not going to be fair.
• 1:31:53
  And then she, it wasn't more so that she was trying to lay down
• 1:31:56
  the law with my son. She was making sure that he
• 1:31:59
  wasn't trying to change the behaviors of her sons.
• 1:32:03
  So I was fully on board with it. So she basically told them, no,
• 1:32:09
  you sleep in here, this is your bed.
• 1:32:11
  You are safe. You are not alone.
• 1:32:14
  Nothing's going to happen. You have the boys and we're
• 1:32:17
  right here. She's like, I have a camera.
• 1:32:19
  You guys are safe. We're going to protect you.
• 1:32:23
  I'm closing the door and I'm turning the lights off.
• 1:32:26
  He didn't test that one bit because Maddie, Maddie has a way
• 1:32:33
  about her where you don't know if she'll kill you or not.
• 1:32:37
  So it's he didn't, he didn't, he didn't try to test her buttons
• 1:32:42
  at all. Because when when she means
• 1:32:44
  business, she very much so means business.
• 1:32:47
  And So what you should do is you should have them.
• 1:32:52
  I don't know if they stay the night at grandma and grandpa's
• 1:32:54
  or something like that, but they need to.
• 1:32:56
  Stay. They need to stay the night at a
• 1:32:58
  place and they need that type of no, you're sleeping in here, the
• 1:33:03
  lights off, something's going to happen.
• 1:33:05
  This doesn't happen at grandma's house.
• 1:33:08
  You don't have, nothing's going to happen to you here.
• 1:33:09
  It's safe or whatever. And then they'll get used to it.
• 1:33:12
  Once they've slept there without the light on or whatever, then
• 1:33:16
  they can come back home. Well, you did it there.
• 1:33:17
  You guys were fine, you know, And then you can try to segue
• 1:33:20
  into baby steps. We'll leave the door cracked,
• 1:33:23
  you know, like with the light on out here or something like that.
• 1:33:25
  And then you can baby steps towards the dark.
• 1:33:27
  You can't just lights up close the storm.
• 1:33:29
  It's a lot more, it's a lot more gentle than my idea.
• 1:33:33
  I I told you what I'd do for work, right, Jimmy?
• 1:33:37
  Yeah, vaguely, and I think it's a cool ass job if you want to.
• 1:33:41
  So, Mike, maybe I do. Don't tell.
• 1:33:45
  Don't say where you were because of your next question.
• 1:33:50
  Let's not. Put I Let's not put your, let's
• 1:33:52
  not put your front. I do maintenance for a local
• 1:33:57
  sports team. Nice, yeah.
• 1:34:00
  That was a good, that was a good way to put it.
• 1:34:04
  It is the offseason. So there you go.
• 1:34:08
  That is that really narrowed it down.
• 1:34:13
  My idea I had was just take part as light switch and put fucking
• 1:34:19
  acorn nuts on all his wires and be like damn that's crazy your
• 1:34:24
  light doesn't work. Oh geez.
• 1:34:34
  Eventually, he'll get over it. Yeah, yeah, that's, that's a
• 1:34:39
  fact. I figured you were going to go
• 1:34:42
  more for like just flip the breaker after you switch the
• 1:34:46
  door handle around so you can lock it from the outside.
• 1:34:49
  Oh, I already have that set up because homeboy figured out how
• 1:34:55
  to unlock every door in the house before he remembered even
• 1:34:59
  the numbers on the House and he refused to learn our names.
• 1:35:05
  More like absolutely fucking now.
• 1:35:07
  You are not getting out of here without giving anybody a clue
• 1:35:11
  about where you live, so I put that doorknob on.
• 1:35:25
  Where's the weirdest place you've cranked your hog?
• 1:35:31
  Beautiful Segway. What's the funniest?
• 1:35:49
  There's no shame you ever hear you ever hear a place called
• 1:35:53
  Fort Irwin, CA? I've heard of it.
• 1:35:58
  There is a specific part about it called the box where it's
• 1:36:01
  supposed to be treated like a deployment.
• 1:36:06
  Listen you, you little fucking assholes.
• 1:36:11
  We just heard the song of cats screaming and driving going
• 1:36:15
  AWOL. Fuck off, Pats.
• 1:36:24
  There's a porta potty that's set up right behind starting majors
• 1:36:27
  tent. Oh no.
• 1:36:31
  I was on night shift during the daytime.
• 1:36:37
  You were what? I'm sorry I cut you off.
• 1:36:39
  When when I was at 4 or when I was night shift.
• 1:36:43
  So clearly it was happening during the daytime while I was
• 1:36:49
  awake in meetings, I could hear him.
• 1:36:55
  He could probably hear me. Porta Potti hot box prank job
• 1:37:00
  Jesus. Right behind Charter Mater's
• 1:37:03
  tent. That's the real kicker.
• 1:37:12
  I don't, unfortunately, Like, I don't really have a weird place
• 1:37:18
  that I've pranked my hog. Go ahead and tell, tell, tell
• 1:37:24
  Ryan what yours was because it was funny.
• 1:37:26
  Oh. Fuck, he was a boring.
• 1:37:30
  Anything. So we were in 29 Palms for a
• 1:37:35
  training exercise and we we always rolled sea wire around
• 1:37:42
  our team site and you know, camera knitting over the top
• 1:37:45
  just like normal fucking comms shit.
• 1:37:51
  I'm standing on the outside of the truck in between the the
• 1:37:55
  high back Humvee and the sea wire where the camera knitting
• 1:37:59
  is tied down. So looking back on it, anyone
• 1:38:05
  with NBGS, which was probably fucking everyone, could probably
• 1:38:09
  see from like waist down what was going on.
• 1:38:16
  So I'm just standing there outside of fucking Humvee at
• 1:38:18
  like 2:00 in the morning, fucking cranking one off in the
• 1:38:22
  middle of the desert. But like, right, that's not
• 1:38:31
  really that that weird because like day eight of a 12 day push
• 1:38:36
  with a bunch of fucking dudes, it's like, yeah, everybody's
• 1:38:40
  done it at least once. No, don't talk about.
• 1:38:43
  It doesn't matter if it's an overnight thing, you got a
• 1:38:46
  fucking group of Marines, you're bound to have something like
• 1:38:49
  that happen. Yeah, somebody's somebody's
• 1:38:53
  fucking cranking hog somewhere. I'm going to.
• 1:38:56
  I'm going to say something deeply personal on the on the
• 1:39:01
  podcast, so I, I legit have to crank it.
• 1:39:11
  I can't. I can't go a long period of time
• 1:39:16
  without and here's why. Does your pee pee start to hurt?
• 1:39:20
  I am, absolutely. I get blue balled like a mother.
• 1:39:23
  That's not why. That's not the worst part.
• 1:39:26
  God it's been 37 seconds. I got to go shit again.
• 1:39:29
  Leave me alone. I will be 34 in a month right?
• 1:39:34
  And I still to this day if I don't have a form of relief, I
• 1:39:41
  have wet dreams. They never went away so I will
• 1:39:46
  be sleeping. I will have a dream that I'm
• 1:39:51
  having sex and my body will physically relieve itself in the
• 1:39:58
  bed. And it is not a like everybody I
• 1:40:03
  talked to, they go, oh, dude, that's awesome.
• 1:40:05
  You can just lay there. It it's not a good thing.
• 1:40:07
  It's not pleasurable. It's not because you're not
• 1:40:10
  supposed to be coming and all of a sudden you are.
• 1:40:14
  So you shoot awake because you you know, it's, it's like, it's
• 1:40:18
  like you're. It's like it's like one of the
• 1:40:21
  dreams that you're having where you're using the bathroom and
• 1:40:23
  you and your body was like, oh, we're using the pisser.
• 1:40:26
  I can start peeing now. It's safe.
• 1:40:28
  And then your brain is like, no, it's not safe.
• 1:40:31
  Wake up. It's just like that.
• 1:40:34
  Only you can't stop because you're mid climax.
• 1:40:37
  So it's you're like, no, it's like, so you either get the fuck
• 1:40:48
  up, peel your boxers off and replace them, or you're going to
• 1:40:52
  fucking wake up in a mess. So I have to relieve myself.
• 1:40:56
  Where I have that I don't know. Jimmy, I think the best thing
• 1:41:00
  about your story outside of, you know, it's humiliating for you,
• 1:41:04
  is the fact that my wife says. Your life was in there when I
• 1:41:10
  went. I had to turn the volume down on
• 1:41:15
  my phone because she was right up there.
• 1:41:18
  She's going to be listening to another guy and his wet dreams.
• 1:41:22
  I understand. I want to humiliate you.
• 1:41:23
  Too bad. There's, there's going to be a
• 1:41:27
  lot of people who now know about my wet dreams and I'm hoping,
• 1:41:32
  I'm hoping that I'll have some people message me and go, Oh my
• 1:41:36
  fucking God, bro me too. That never went away because so
• 1:41:41
  far. So parsh this year my man.
• 1:41:44
  I have never met another grown ass man and it has to deal with
• 1:41:47
  that. They just, they all go, yeah, I
• 1:41:50
  haven't had that since I was a fucking teenager, bro.
• 1:41:52
  I grew out of that. I got my grown up Weiner and
• 1:41:56
  things have been good. I'm 34 years old.
• 1:42:01
  I got no grown up Weiner. That's the sound clip for the
• 1:42:09
  Angel. That's shit.
• 1:42:13
  This needs to. I hope this is a magic clip that
• 1:42:16
  I'm going to post it on Facebook.
• 1:42:18
  You're going to have to listen to an hour and a half of us
• 1:42:20
  talking about shit to find out Jimmy's deep dark.
• 1:42:24
  What gross secret? Yeah, no, there's, there's a
• 1:42:34
  there's no shame in my sleep coming game, that's for sure.
• 1:42:38
  There's this happens. Oh my fuck is God?
• 1:42:46
  Jimmy 22 questions. 2 real questions.
• 1:42:49
  One, have you gone to the fucking dentist yet?
• 1:42:51
  No, no. That was episode 7.
• 1:42:54
  So bad it hurts. So my gums are starting to
• 1:42:59
  recede and they're in pain. And dog.
• 1:43:03
  Yeah, I I need to go to the dentist.
• 1:43:07
  Matt is question me about being in going to the dentist.
• 1:43:11
  Oh, question 2. I got an epidural in the back
• 1:43:14
  though for my sciatica. That is something that I forgot
• 1:43:17
  to put in my month. My weekly recap while you were
• 1:43:20
  in the UKII got a needle in my freaking vertebrae.
• 1:43:25
  That sure was wild. How are you going to wait till
• 1:43:30
  the fucking end? Yeah.
• 1:43:31
  That's my bad. Anyway, not a recap.
• 1:43:34
  Anymore. Question 2 Have have you brought
• 1:43:43
  your your sleep spooge up to a medical professional?
• 1:43:51
  We can run it through ChatGPT right now.
• 1:43:54
  Yes, all right. Yes, that I feel like.
• 1:43:58
  I feel like he's enjoying it too much to want to actually get it
• 1:44:01
  to stop. It's like I just want to
• 1:44:04
  diagnose this, I don't want to fix it.
• 1:44:05
  I don't input it, but I have a. Tharless labor on my end to.
• 1:44:10
  Keep in mind, to me it's normal. It's been my whole life like so
• 1:44:14
  like I didn't no, like it was the IT was maybe the first three
• 1:44:18
  people that I told it to that I started to realize maybe it's
• 1:44:21
  not normal because they go bro, dude, you know chat cheap.
• 1:44:27
  Hey, it's me again, it's me. Thank you, boy.
• 1:44:34
  I have. Oh my gosh.
• 1:44:42
  Hi. We'll be 34 next month.
• 1:44:48
  Made sure you mentioned you don't cut your grown up Weiner.
• 1:44:52
  Oh, it already knows. We've we've ran that already.
• 1:44:56
  And it responded with. I would heavily recommend that
• 1:45:02
  you listen to our previous episodes because you will like
• 1:45:06
  them. I will, I can I especially
• 1:45:10
  episode. 11 dude. Buggin you would bug and die
• 1:45:15
  like this is a good show. We have not the tooter horn.
• 1:45:18
  Hey, it's me. Not to not to suck our own Dicks
• 1:45:21
  when we're sleeping, but we got some right?
• 1:45:23
  So now I'm listening to them because you got me on that.
• 1:45:27
  And I am. I have dealt with an issue my
• 1:45:37
  whole life thus far. Jimmy, get closer to your mic.
• 1:45:42
  I need this play by play. All right, hey, it's me again.
• 1:45:45
  I have a question. I'll be 34 next month and I have
• 1:45:47
  dealt with an issue my whole life thus far and it turns out
• 1:45:54
  it might not be so normal but basically I'm going to be vulgar
• 1:46:08
  as fuck with ChatGPT game if I don't routinely Big word.
• 1:46:20
  Oh I spelled that. Fuck you miss Lebow.
• 1:46:22
  I got that one right first try but I spelled don't wrong.
• 1:46:30
  At least if I don't routinely masturbate, I have wet dreams in
• 1:46:39
  my sleep. What part of that was supposed
• 1:46:43
  to be vulgar as fuck? Is that normal?
• 1:46:49
  Just. Telling ChatGPT that I
• 1:46:51
  masturbate routinely. Yes, I hope you enjoy it.
• 1:46:56
  Did it just delete it? Oh no.
• 1:46:57
  Oh, it's. Why is it doing that?
• 1:47:05
  Oh, how's it doing that? It's reporting you to every
• 1:47:14
  watch list it has. It's like, whoa, Louis CK, you
• 1:47:17
  do what? It's both Masturbate wrong, All
• 1:47:25
  right. Oh yes, that's actually
• 1:47:29
  completely normal. Well, you're just not always
• 1:47:32
  called nocturnal emission wet dreams.
• 1:47:34
  It happens when semen is released during sleep, usually
• 1:47:36
  during a sexual dream or during R.E.M. sleep.
• 1:47:39
  Why it happens? Your body is constantly
• 1:47:41
  producing sperm and semen. It builds up and it doesn't
• 1:47:43
  release through sex or masturbation.
• 1:47:44
  The body sometimes releases it automatically during sleep.
• 1:47:48
  Oh, that actually makes a makes makes a whole lot of sense
• 1:47:51
  because another thing about your boy is I mass produce.
• 1:47:54
  I fucking load dumps, you know? OK I just dump loads dude so
• 1:48:03
  fucking. Jimmy loads dumps and dumps
• 1:48:06
  loads bro. Things to know.
• 1:48:10
  It can happen at any age, not during puberty, not just during
• 1:48:13
  puberty. Some men never experience it
• 1:48:14
  while others occasionally their entire lives.
• 1:48:17
  It's more likely if you haven't ejaculated in a while.
• 1:48:19
  It doesn't mean anything is wrong with your hormones, health
• 1:48:21
  or sex drive frequency. There's a huge range.
• 1:48:25
  Some guys never, some guys few times a year and some more often
• 1:48:29
  if they go a long time without ejaculate.
• 1:48:31
  Your body just handles the build up differently, but.
• 1:48:40
  I wonder if it'll change after you get snipped.
• 1:48:46
  Wood getting Oval. Wood getting circumcised.
• 1:48:55
  One word would getting a vasectomy.
• 1:49:00
  Jimmy, wait a minute. No, no, dude.
• 1:49:04
  Seriously. I don't I don't know if it's
• 1:49:07
  safe for you to get a vasectomy after you get snipped.
• 1:49:09
  You got to wait like 10 fucking days.
• 1:49:11
  That's why. That's why I'm.
• 1:49:13
  Afraid of it? Oh, that's why it's not the play
• 1:49:16
  by play. I've given you several times of
• 1:49:18
  how they do it. I mean yes it's 100% you're play
• 1:49:22
  by play, but I'm vasectomy for my.
• 1:49:25
  Whole. Life a vasectomy on Oh so short
• 1:49:31
  answer, no, vasectomy would not stop wet dreams of Vasectomy
• 1:49:33
  only blocks this vas deferens, the tubes that carry sperm from
• 1:49:37
  the testicles and the semen. It prevents sperm from reaching
• 1:49:40
  the seam as it doesn't cause pregnancy.
• 1:49:41
  It does not stop ejaculation. Oh dude, you're fucked.
• 1:49:45
  You still produce semen after a vasectomy.
• 1:49:47
  Only about 2 to 5% volume is firm.
• 1:49:49
  The rest comes from prostate and Seminole glands which still
• 1:49:51
  produce fluid. Your body still biles out of sex
• 1:49:53
  protection. So after vasectomy you just
• 1:49:56
  still ejaculate and just I'm going to throw up because it's
• 1:49:59
  the thought of fucking pumping a load after fucking getting a
• 1:50:02
  vasectomy. I heard it hurts.
• 1:50:06
  It's not great. The same dude with the Kobe
• 1:50:08
  Bryant jersey had sex two days after vasectomy.
• 1:50:12
  Oh. Yeah.
• 1:50:17
  What a fucking animal. OK.
• 1:50:25
  So follow up question, I was hoping.
• 1:50:33
  It's not a question. To get a vasectomy in the near
• 1:50:41
  future. Is that safe?
• 1:50:45
  Next few years in parentheses. But now I am terrified that I
• 1:50:57
  will have a wet dream while still healing and it will be
• 1:51:09
  extreme, excruciating, be painful.
• 1:51:17
  Fuck you missile bow. I spelt that right on first try
• 1:51:19
  to. Yeah, but also to Missile Bow's
• 1:51:22
  point, none of this has been a question yet.
• 1:51:24
  Yeah, of course. Fuck.
• 1:51:41
  Well, you say the fucking question was like one of them
• 1:51:44
  silent questions, kind of like the fucking the G and write, you
• 1:51:48
  know, this is just a fucking silent question.
• 1:51:51
  That's really understandable. Worrying good news is really,
• 1:51:53
  really a problem after vasectomy doctors, you actually plan
• 1:51:56
  recovery time later on the fact that ejaculation can happen.
• 1:52:00
  Most urologists recommend rest for 24 to 48 hours, avoid heavy
• 1:52:04
  activity for about a week, avoid ejaculating for seven days.
• 1:52:07
  Seven days might not be enough after that first week.
• 1:52:22
  I think I just want you to know that your FBI agent in charge of
• 1:52:26
  you and your Internet search history is showing his buddy in
• 1:52:30
  the next cubicle. Yeah.
• 1:52:36
  So let me just so this is another thing that we do on the
• 1:52:40
  podcast, let me just show you some of my fucking conversations
• 1:52:43
  with ChatGPT. See, Tom, I told you this guy's
• 1:52:47
  fucking weird. He's 34 and still has wet
• 1:52:49
  dreams. So I'm going to, I'm just going
• 1:52:59
  to, I'm going to randomly pick. I'm just going to randomly pick
• 1:53:05
  because there's so many of them. OK, Nocturnal admissions
• 1:53:10
  normalcy, which is wet dreams, right?
• 1:53:12
  That's my last 1, immediately followed up by Jim Carrey news
• 1:53:16
  because I'm trying to find out if Jim Carrey is a real scary
• 1:53:18
  right. Our vomit causes rib recipes hot
• 1:53:27
  flashes after eating in files. Let's see.
• 1:53:43
  This guy's going through menopause and he's worried about
• 1:53:45
  a vasectomy? What the fuck?
• 1:53:47
  Kermit voice wrong. Chunk.
• 1:53:52
  Man. This idiot spelled hysterectomy
• 1:53:57
  wrong. Sure, versus non kosher food.
• 1:54:12
  What are some funny ones? What is a waifu?
• 1:54:14
  Don't forget that one. Terrifying ghost story.
• 1:54:23
  I was asking about the Zodiac Killer, and then immediately I
• 1:54:27
  was asking about healthy bean salads.
• 1:54:37
  Swaffle. Meaning.
• 1:54:48
  Parasite and praying mantises semen taste and diet.
• 1:54:56
  Let's see, because I'm. Going to Are you asking for
• 1:54:58
  yourself? Somebody told me that it's a
• 1:55:01
  bunch of pineapple that makes your shit sweeter.
• 1:55:04
  Is it for your night? For your bedtime snacks.
• 1:55:07
  Yeah, they're, they're, they're like, they're like prenatal
• 1:55:13
  gummies, but they're, you know, not prenatal.
• 1:55:16
  They're just post Natal gummies. So old protein shot.
• 1:55:26
  Oh fuck. I asked about Kmart.
• 1:55:32
  RIP. There's a couple around which I
• 1:55:36
  found out. I think I saw the last
• 1:55:42
  RadioShack in existence in Idaho Falls.
• 1:55:48
  Oh, I asked about the Eddie Murphy transvestite thing.
• 1:55:55
  So the. Fucking what?
• 1:55:57
  He asked about blood in toilet. Remember why?
• 1:56:06
  Yeah, I remember why I still have that picture.
• 1:56:08
  It's. Disgusting you.
• 1:56:10
  Want to talk about something? With your doctor, it's fucking
• 1:56:13
  that. I have I had AI got a
• 1:56:16
  colonoscopy at 25 oh fuck they while they were cutting a polyp
• 1:56:24
  out I woke up on the table and looked at the dock did one of
• 1:56:28
  those like look back at it things and was like God take me
• 1:56:31
  to dinner first and the anesthesiologist came by and
• 1:56:35
  went go to sleep. Night, night.
• 1:56:39
  Yeah, and then, you know, based on the Jeff Foxworthy skit, you
• 1:56:45
  got a fart after that procedure. So the nurse walks in to tell my
• 1:56:49
  wife what the aftercare things are and I go ah hell yeah my
• 1:56:54
  time and just RIP like triumphant man ass.
• 1:57:01
  This nurse literally like she tried to keep going after like
• 1:57:06
  the seventh second stops and just walks out of there.
• 1:57:16
  Oh fuck. But alright boys, it's been 2
• 1:57:25
  fucking hours. Hell yeah.
• 1:57:27
  It's a school night, I need to go to bed.
• 1:57:29
  Oh yeah, feel that. Ryan, do you have any saved
• 1:57:34
  rounds or alibis? I'm good.
• 1:57:39
  Jimmy, what do you got? Well, I think we should
• 1:57:43
  definitely like I said, there are other topics that I look
• 1:57:47
  forward to talking to. We kind of, so we've talked
• 1:57:53
  about kind of positive feedback experiences with the VA and
• 1:57:59
  stuff like that. Ryan, I know you have your
• 1:58:02
  experiences. I would like some good, some
• 1:58:05
  bad. I'd like to pick your brain on
• 1:58:08
  that and hear hear what you've got.
• 1:58:10
  I know you've got some shit to say.
• 1:58:14
  So I definitely would wouldn't mind having you on every every
• 1:58:17
  once in a while and you know, talking shit and laughing with
• 1:58:20
  you. So definitely good, good talking
• 1:58:23
  to you. And you know, Ryan is one of
• 1:58:26
  those people that I need to do a better job at staying in touch
• 1:58:29
  with because Jesus, you know, but but yeah, no, I appreciate
• 1:58:36
  you coming on. It's especially such short
• 1:58:39
  notice. I literally gave him like 15
• 1:58:42
  minutes of a heads up and he was yelling which I thought was
• 1:58:46
  awesome. Dude, I had already drugged my
• 1:58:49
  kid at that point, it was good as headway for start working.
• 1:58:53
  You want to get on a podcast? Yeah, one SEC.
• 1:58:55
  I got to get the Benadryl. What?
• 1:58:57
  Nothing. These are all jokes.
• 1:59:02
  These are all jokes for illegal reasons.
• 1:59:04
  Jokes, jokes, jokes. Be rooting, be Tooting, and by
• 1:59:10
  God be shooting. But above all, be kind.
• 1:59:13
  But I got. And when Jimmy says be shooting,
• 1:59:16
  he. Almost certainly.
• 1:59:18
  Exclusively means big loads after you fall asleep.
• 1:59:25
  We call them the La La loads, dude.
• 1:59:28
  Oh yeah. And on that note, oh, fucking
• 1:59:34
  hell. All right, you can find us on
• 1:59:36
  Spotify. You can find us on Apple Music,
• 1:59:38
  and you can find us on YouTube. Please rate the show good, bad
• 1:59:42
  or ugly. Follow, subscribe, like engage
• 1:59:46
  with us. We want to hear what you guys
• 1:59:48
  think and have to say. So yeah, be, be a part of this
• 1:59:52
  community. It's a, it's a lot of fun here.
• 1:59:54
  We do fun, fun weaponized autism things and it's great.
• 2:00:00
  So for Ryan, for Jimmy, I'm Mike.
• 2:00:04
  This has been the Three Damn Dudes podcast.
• 2:00:07
  Thanks for showing up.