Latest / New Manager Conversations with Fexingo: First 90 Days, Managing Former Peers, and Leadership Basics / How New Managers Can Handle a Team Member Who Resists Change
Transcript
- Lucas: You've been a manager for maybe six weeks. You're rolling out a new sprint process that your boss asked for. And one of your senior engineers — someone who's been at the company four years — just says, flat-out, 'I'm not doing this.' Luna: That's a gut-check moment. Most new managers I talk to freeze. They either back down or get confrontational. Lucas: Exactly. And neither works. Backing down undermines your authority with the rest of the team. Getting confrontational turns the engineer into a martyr. So what do you do? Luna: I think the first thing is to figure out why. Is it fear, or is it a genuinely bad idea? Lucas: Right. I learned a three-step framework from an internal coach at Atlassian a few years ago. Step one: diagnose the source of resistance. There are two common patterns. One is fear of incompetence — they worry they won't succeed under the new system. The other is loss of autonomy — they liked how things were and don't want to be told what to do. Luna: And those are very different conversations. If it's fear, you need reassurance and training. If it's autonomy, you need to give them some control. Lucas: Exactly. So step two is reframe the change around the individual's values. For that senior engineer, maybe they care about quality. You can say, 'I know you hate broken builds. This sprint process actually catches integration bugs earlier. I'm asking you to try it for two sprints, and if it doesn't improve quality, we'll adjust.' Luna: That lowers the stakes. You're not asking for a permanent commitment. You're asking for a trial. Lucas: That's step three: create a small trial period. Usually two to four weeks. Agree on success criteria together. And then actually check in and be willing to change if the data says the process is worse. The resistance usually drops once they see you're not a dictator. Luna: But what about when the resistance isn't about the change itself — it's about you? Because you used to be their peer, and now you're the boss pushing a new system. Lucas: That's the hardest variant. I've seen it happen. A new manager inherits a team where they were just a teammate, and suddenly they're the one enforcing process changes. The key is to separate the role from the relationship. You can say, 'Look, I'm still the same person. But my job now includes making sure we work efficiently. I need your help to figure out how to do this without breaking what we have.' Luna: That's a really good line. It invites them into co-creating the solution rather than just receiving an order. Lucas: And if they still resist? After you've diagnosed, reframed, and proposed a trial? Then you have to escalate. Not to punish them — but because the team can't be held hostage by one person. You schedule a one-on-one and say, 'I respect your expertise. But the team has decided to try this. If you can't support it, I need to understand why, and we may need to discuss your role on this team.' Luna: That's tough, but necessary. I've seen teams where one person's resistance poisons the whole culture. The manager waits too long to address it. Lucas: There's also the opposite trap: assuming all resistance is bad. Sometimes the person resisting has a valid point. Maybe the change is poorly thought out, or it doesn't fit your team's specific context. Luna: So how do you tell the difference between productive pushback and plain obstruction? Lucas: Productive pushback comes with alternatives. They'll say, 'I think we should do X instead because of Y.' They offer data or logic. Obstruction is just 'no' without a better idea. Or worse, they agree in the meeting and then don't comply. Luna: And if they offer a better idea, you should be open to it. That builds trust. Lucas: Absolutely. If you're a new manager and you ignore good ideas just because you want to show authority, you'll lose the team. The goal is the best outcome, not your ego. Luna: Let me ask about a specific scenario. Say you've done all three steps, but the resistance continues. You've had the tough conversation. They still won't budge. At what point do you involve HR or your boss? Lucas: I'd involve your boss after the second one-on-one where there's no progress. But frame it as a request for advice, not a complaint. Say, 'I've tried X and Y, and I'm stuck. Can you help me think of another approach?' That keeps you looking like a proactive manager, not someone passing the buck. Luna: Good point. And HR is for when it becomes a pattern of insubordination or it's affecting team performance. Lucas: Right. But most resistance never gets that far if you handle the first conversation well. The key is to not let it fester. Address it within a week. Luna: I want to talk about one more angle: change fatigue. Some teams have been through three reorgs in a year. The resistance isn't about the specific change — it's exhaustion. Lucas: That's a real issue. In that case, the best thing you can do is acknowledge it. Say, 'I know we've had a lot of changes recently. I hate that. But this one is different because of X. And I'm going to make sure we don't change again for at least six months.' Honesty builds credibility. Luna: And then actually follow through. Nothing kills trust faster than promising stability and then pivoting again. Lucas: Exactly. So to sum up: diagnose the source of resistance, reframe the change around what the person cares about, run a low-stakes trial, and be willing to listen. And if you're the new manager of former peers, separate the role from the relationship. Luna: This kind of conversation is exactly why we do this show. Honestly, if today's episode helped you think about a tricky situation on your team, that's the kind of value we hope you get. And if it was worth a coffee to you, you can find us at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. Lucas: Yeah, listener support is what keeps this ad-free. No pressure — just if it's useful. Every little bit helps. Luna: So back to managing resistance. One last tip: sometimes the best way to get buy-in is to ask the resistant person to lead the pilot. Give them ownership of the trial. Lucas: That's brilliant. If they run the experiment, they have to make it work. And if it fails, they learn something. Either way, you win. Luna: And they feel respected. That's half the battle. Lucas: Alright, that's our time. Next episode we'll talk about how new managers can handle a team member who is consistently late or underperforming — without seeming like a micromanager. Luna: Looking forward to it. Thanks for listening.