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Transcript

My Entire Life Changed the Day I Quit Drinking · Harder Than Life

• 0:00
  Everything I have today exists because of the day that I decided to quit drinking.
• 0:05
  I want to tell you what life was like actually before, because from the outside, I looked like I was winning the whole time.
• 0:13
  And truthfully, I kind of was.
• 0:15
  I just didn't like who I was.
• 0:16
  We're going to get into it.
• 0:17
  But please, this is my story.
• 0:19
  I'm not going to lecture you guys.
• 0:21
  It's not going to be all about alcohol.
• 0:22
  I promise you, because so much of us use alcohol,
• 0:27
  something in place of alcohol.
• 0:29
  It could be scrolling.
• 0:30
  It could be sex.
• 0:31
  It could be avoidance.
• 0:33
  It could be solitude.
• 0:34
  So just guys, stay with me.
• 0:38
  because this is gonna be a good one.
• 0:39
  I'm gonna share some things that I've never shared before.
• 0:42
  But keep in mind, I'm not an AA expert, I'm not a counselor, I'm not a doctor.
• 0:47
  But stay with me again because I will tell you what the first stretch was like, what got me through the tough days, and where I would point any man standing where I stood.
• 0:58
  If that's you, please talk to somebody qualified today.
• 1:01
  But let me tell you right now, on the outside, I look like I was winning massively.
• 1:06
  Anybody would trade lives with me.
• 1:09
  I...
• 1:10
  was everywhere, every day, having so much fun.
• 1:15
  And it was fun.
• 1:16
  So I'm gonna share a typical day in Kelly Siegel's life.
• 1:21
  Now, it's easier to stop doing something than it is to start doing something.
• 1:25
  So for me, I thought quitting alcohol meant that that was the answer to all my issues.
• 1:32
  And those of you that really know me understand that the reason why I drank had nothing to do with alcohol, had everything to do with the hole in my heart.
• 1:38
  I was looking for love in all the wrong places.
• 1:41
  And I thought I could find it at the sitting on a bar stool.
• 1:44
  I famously say I was a drunken whore and I kept meeting drunken whores and no disrespect to any of my exes.
• 1:50
  It's just, man, the toxicity that we did for you guys, for you listeners.
• 1:55
  It could be, again, being solitude.
• 1:58
  It could be a lot of us are having relationship issues because we've,
• 2:04
  We've masked who we are with alcohol.
• 2:07
  Cannabis, forgot about that.
• 2:09
  It can be cannabis, guys.
• 2:11
  If every single time you're feeling and you're trying to escape a feeling, that's what's holding you back.
• 2:17
  So for me, it was alcohol.
• 2:19
  And it's never about the alcohol, the cannabis, the scrolling, the sex, insert crutch here.
• 2:28
  It's not about that.
• 2:30
  But I'm going to dig in into the alcohol for me because, man, oh, man, it was fun.
• 2:37
  So here's how a day looked for me.
• 2:39
  And it started off innocuous.
• 2:41
  I was married and having fun and happy.
• 2:46
  And, you know, we drank and partied and had a good time.
• 2:49
  And the issue became I wasn't sleeping well.
• 2:53
  Someone gave me advice like, hey, have a little shot of whiskey before you go to bed.
• 2:56
  And it worked.
• 2:57
  But then it took two shots of whiskey.
• 2:59
  And I took three shots of whiskey.
• 3:01
  And then I got a divorce and it became I had to freaking drink myself to sleep.
• 3:06
  But I was highly functioning, highly functioning.
• 3:09
  So I would drink and literally get up at five in the morning, still go to the gym, still look like I do, still sell, go to work every day, never call in sick.
• 3:21
  I used to say do some of my best work when I was hungover.
• 3:26
  Yeah.
• 3:27
  And man, I tell you what, doing business with people that drink is plentiful.
• 3:33
  So I never had a shortage of people that wanted to go to the bar.
• 3:36
  And we use it as networking.
• 3:38
  We used it as, hey, I'm working.
• 3:41
  And it worked.
• 3:42
  It made me sound like,
• 3:44
  I was actually getting something done and I could literally waste away an afternoon.
• 3:49
  And we would.
• 3:50
  I would take my customers out drinking and we would do business, make money.
• 3:55
  And I would placate myself and say, yes, that was a well spent afternoon.
• 4:00
  They'd sign the contract and then they would go home to their wives or significant others.
• 4:05
  I had a driver.
• 4:07
  I would go out.
• 4:09
  and that would kickstart my night and and therein lies the problem and i get a lot of people who say oh kelly you just overdid it you know and i i get it everything in moderation including moderation but when you're avoiding your feelings the opportunity to address them keeps coming up so i would meet another girl and we would end the same way and then i would meet another girl because where would i meet him where was i at the bar and i got a news flash for you guys real good women
• 4:35
  the ones that we're looking for, the high achieving men looking for, don't hang out to bars.
• 4:39
  They're doing early morning yoga classes.
• 4:42
  They're doing, they're at the bookstores.
• 4:45
  Yes, there still are bookstores.
• 4:46
  They're at volunteer events, at community events.
• 4:50
  Anyways, a day for me looked great.
• 4:53
  It was fun.
• 4:54
  I had a group of people that I called my best friends and we would travel together and we would party together and everything evolved around booze.
• 5:01
  And anybody that got in the way of my drinking, I would just cast them away, which is funny because it's the same thing now.
• 5:09
  If anybody gets in the way of my piece,
• 5:12
  or violates my boundaries.
• 5:14
  They're gone.
• 5:15
  So again, alcohol for this podcast is a metaphor for whatever is keeping you stuck and whatever you reach for every time you feel feelings.
• 5:27
  And let me keep going on to this.
• 5:29
  So my life began
• 5:32
  the day that I quit.
• 5:33
  And for those of you that didn't read my book, Harder Than Life, I will tell you the short version.
• 5:38
  The short version of the story is, I was in a toxic relationship, and believe me, I was just as toxic as she was.
• 5:49
  We met at a concert,
• 5:53
  Drinking.
• 5:55
  And I thought it was love at first sight.
• 5:58
  I'm going to share some things that I've never shared before.
• 6:00
  And I apologize.
• 6:01
  And no offense to her.
• 6:02
  But I took her home the first night.
• 6:04
  And I'm thinking and she showed that she was a, oh, I never do this before.
• 6:09
  And it was just red flag after red flag.
• 6:12
  And I ignored them all.
• 6:15
  But I'm grateful because this relationship is what started harder than life.
• 6:21
  So if you pay attention, your life, the universe, God, source, whatever you call it, keep sending you the message.
• 6:29
  And they kept sending me these women.
• 6:31
  And I would ignore, ignore, think it was the women's fault.
• 6:33
  It was my fault.
• 6:34
  The universe, my life, my soul contract wanted me to stop drinking because it wanted me to feel and wanted me to heal so I could pay it forward to all of you.
• 6:43
  And that's what I'm doing.
• 6:44
  Here's what it looked like.
• 6:46
  Ignored all the red flags, two and a half years of crazy, crazy conflict.
• 6:52
  Finally went our separate ways.
• 6:54
  But during that time, I started Harder Than Life.
• 6:58
  I wrote my book, Harder Than Life.
• 6:59
  And I started all the healing modalities and therapy.
• 7:02
  And it pushed me over the edge.
• 7:04
  So I was sitting on the beach in Key West, Florida.
• 7:07
  And she was supposed to meet me there and she didn't because we got in a huge fight.
• 7:12
  She ended up going off and doing her own thing and drinking with a bunch of so-called friends.
• 7:16
  That's another thing too.
• 7:18
  You lay down with dogs, you get fleas.
• 7:20
  So if you're hanging out with a bunch of thieves, there's no honor amongst thieves.
• 7:26
  So if you're all your friends or drinking friends, man, just watch, get sober and watch them fall off like crazy.
• 7:33
  That's the unfortunate part about healing is you find out who your friends are, man.
• 7:38
  Some stayed, but most left because they continued down the same path.
• 7:42
  And I wish them well.
• 7:44
  They were in my life for a season and a reason.
• 7:48
  And I'm grateful for each and every one of them.
• 7:50
  But I hope to heal.
• 7:51
  And that's why I'm doing this podcast.
• 7:53
  Because if you're drinking, even just a little bit, stop.
• 7:57
  Even if it's just once in a while, just stop.
• 7:59
  That shit's poison, man.
• 8:00
  I'm telling you.
• 8:02
  Again, Key West, Florida, drinking.
• 8:05
  I'm sipping freaking scotch and rum all day, every day, having a blast.
• 8:10
  And I'm realizing I'm literally drinking myself sober.
• 8:12
  And I know what you guys are thinking.
• 8:13
  Oh, Kelly, I don't drink like that.
• 8:15
  It doesn't have to be like that.
• 8:18
  I was 220 pounds.
• 8:19
  I had a tolerance from drinking for 20 plus years.
• 8:23
  So to do anything to me, it had to be a lot.
• 8:26
  Right.
• 8:27
  But I just sat there and had an epiphany.
• 8:29
  I was on the beach.
• 8:30
  It was New Year's Eve, 2018.
• 8:33
  And I said, I wonder what life would be like without alcohol.
• 8:36
  And it immediately scared the heck out of me.
• 8:39
  And you guys know what the feeling is.
• 8:40
  When you hit a nerve trigger, your whole body is going, whoa, what's going on?
• 8:48
  And it scared the hell out of me.
• 8:51
  And by scaring the hell out of me, I knew I had to do it.
• 8:53
  So I called a couple of friends, and every single one of them said, there's no way you can do that.
• 9:00
  And you know, I realized that that was a reflection on them, not me, and at the end of the day,
• 9:06
  Those of you that know me, you tell me I can't do something.
• 9:09
  I'm going to do it twice.
• 9:11
  And originally I set out to do a 90-day break because saying I'm done drinking forever scared me even more than the little bit of scared that I was at that moment.
• 9:21
  And I just said I'm going to take 90 days.
• 9:22
  That's what I committed to.
• 9:23
  And I did.
• 9:24
  But I was going to go out with a bang.
• 9:27
  And it was New Year's Eve.
• 9:29
  So I went, drank, drank, drank.
• 9:37
  Cheers to a drag queen at the, for those of you who have been to Key West on New Year's, it's Sushi, she goes down the silhouette.
• 9:46
  There's no ball drop, it's a silhouette drop.
• 9:49
  And it's a drag queen and her name is Sushi and it was a good time.
• 9:52
  And I cheers to one of them and pounded that drink, set it down on New Year's Day 2019.
• 10:02
  and that's the last drink i took and my flight wasn't supposed to be for like another four days and i went into immediate detox and probably should have gone to the doctor thank god one of my friends this sounds horrible i just said this out loud one of my friends parents passed away and i had to take an early flight home and if you've ever
• 10:21
  flown out of Key West, you know, you gotta get on that little plane, and my anxiety was through the roof.
• 10:26
  I get home and I'm sitting in this church, and I'm sweating.
• 10:32
  It's now we're day like three after not drinking.
• 10:35
  And now I'm full blown jonesing for alcohol.
• 10:39
  And,
• 10:41
  Should have had some help, man.
• 10:42
  If anybody is far gone like I was, not even that far gone, if anybody is that reliant on alcohol where they're drinking multiple times a week, don't do it alone.
• 10:52
  Don't do it alone.
• 10:54
  I made it much harder than it needed to be.
• 10:56
  So I'm sitting in the front pew and I just burst out in tears and I'm sweating and I couldn't handle my feelings just overflowing.
• 11:04
  And I snuck out the back, went home and cried and cried and cried and cried.
• 11:09
  I cried, said, hey, it's time to go to work.
• 11:12
  I went to work and more bad things.
• 11:15
  So bad thing after bad thing after bad thing, I had my COO at the time quit because he knew he could no longer hide.
• 11:22
  I felt abandoned because that was the wound I was literally trying to drink away.
• 11:27
  It was abandonment, unworthiness, and unlovability.
• 11:31
  I've said it over and over and over.
• 11:33
  And deep down underneath that was just flat out shame victim mentality.
• 11:39
  And as long as I drank, I could quiet those voices of telling me that I was a piece of garbage.
• 11:46
  And it worked until it didn't.
• 11:49
  So fast forward a couple of weeks, it took me, I can tell you it was January 16th until I started feeling any resemblance of normal.
• 12:00
  And I went out and I got triggered and I just sat in those triggers and my heart was fluttering.
• 12:07
  And remember what triggers are.
• 12:10
  It's the unfamiliar, the
• 12:12
  The unknown is the big one.
• 12:14
  What I've figured out is I want to control what I cannot control because growing up in the house that I grew up in, you never knew what was going to happen next.
• 12:23
  It wasn't safe.
• 12:24
  It was always scarcity and always fear.
• 12:26
  So survival meant trying to control things that you really couldn't control, which was my drunken mother and my drunken father.
• 12:35
  You would think that I would learn from their mistakes and then fast forward several years later, my father drank himself to death and I would learn, but no, I was smarter than everybody else.
• 12:45
  I could manage this until he couldn't.
• 12:50
  Anyway, the things that I would do weren't becoming of a high achieving man, but I did have a driver, so I never drank and drove.
• 12:59
  I didn't hurt other people except my family because they would watch me destroying myself.
• 13:05
  At one point when the summer, my dad died, they were going to have an intervention, but I do this.
• 13:11
  This whole quitting thing is been something I've done my entire life.
• 13:14
  I flip a switch.
• 13:15
  Like there's nobody else.
• 13:18
  So I drank for an entire summer because I was sad.
• 13:21
  I didn't want to feel the feelings of the abandonment that my dad was passing did to me.
• 13:25
  So I drank to the point of crazy excess,
• 13:29
  hooked up with a ton of beautiful women that summer.
• 13:33
  And then came Labor Day.
• 13:35
  I said, Labor Day, I'm going to stop.
• 13:36
  And Labor Day, I stopped.
• 13:39
  And I went back to work and became the number one salesperson.
• 13:42
  That's what I do.
• 13:43
  I flip switches.
• 13:45
  Having said all that, the title of this podcast is
• 13:49
  my entire life changed today.
• 13:50
  I quit drinking.
• 13:52
  Now, I wish I could sit here and say everything got so much better.
• 13:54
  And you just heard me say it got worse.
• 13:57
  God flooded me with feelings that I had spent 43 years running from and I didn't know what to do.
• 14:06
  So what do I do?
• 14:07
  I try to control everything and my control everything is I went back to that toxic relationship because it was familiar and
• 14:18
  it got worse.
• 14:20
  And I realized after twists and turns that I had to prune her and many, many things out of my life.
• 14:29
  And about a year went by and I started winning again.
• 14:32
  And I'm like, oh, here we go, let's go.
• 14:36
  And then life threw me another curve ball.
• 14:41
  And it was a big one.
• 14:42
  If you read the book, Heart of Life, it was about my ex-wife and my ex-girlfriend got together and they literally tried to ruin me.
• 14:50
  I keep full bars in every house.
• 14:52
  And on March 20th, 2020, we all know that's when the pandemic hit and the whole world shut down.
• 15:01
  And my daughter got taken away from me.
• 15:02
  I had a full bottle of scotch in my house, a cigar, a bunch of money.
• 15:08
  And I was alone.
• 15:09
  And that was when the test happened.
• 15:11
  So let's set the time frame for you guys.
• 15:15
  January 1st, 2019.
• 15:18
  This is March 20th, 2020.
• 15:21
  So what are we, 13, 14 months later?
• 15:28
  That's when the real test happened.
• 15:31
  And boy, oh boy, I looked over at my scotch and I wanted to have a drink.
• 15:36
  Instead, I looked up at the sky and I looked at God and I said, God, you've made me.
• 15:40
  And you know what I'm made of and this isn't going to break me.
• 15:43
  I'm going to win this and I'm going to come back stronger.
• 15:46
  And right then is when Harder Than Life brand was born.
• 15:52
  I declared war on myself.
• 15:54
  Ordered a home gym.
• 15:55
  I started doing push-ups, sit-ups, calisthenics.
• 15:58
  I started taking in podcasts.
• 16:00
  I started reading.
• 16:01
  I hired a therapist.
• 16:03
  This is just all the therapy that I did.
• 16:07
  That's when I started finding peace.
• 16:10
  I started finding answers.
• 16:12
  I started understanding.
• 16:14
  And you fast forward and you can listen to all of the episodes that I've done about talk therapy, hypnotherapy, EMDR therapy, IFS therapy, plant medicine, emotional intelligence coaching, coaching,
• 16:32
  All of these modalities of what I did to try to figure out what I was running from for 43 years.
• 16:40
  So for you guys, it might be cannabis.
• 16:45
  What are you running from?
• 16:46
  Face your fears, live your dreams.
• 16:48
  I am telling you on the other side, I wasted so many years.
• 16:53
  It was a young kid.
• 16:54
  I'm in Florida, my Florida studio right now.
• 16:56
  There was a young kid.
• 16:57
  I was walking my dog this morning and he was walking his dog and started talking to me.
• 17:01
  And he knew who I was.
• 17:02
  He recognized me from the brand.
• 17:04
  He's like, hey, Kelly.
• 17:04
  And he just searched chit-chatting and he wanted to talk and I could tell.
• 17:07
  So I gave him some space and I could figure out real quick that he was monster hungover.
• 17:11
  28-year-old gentleman, monster hungover.
• 17:14
  Shared with me that he's in the same place I was, making all kinds of money.
• 17:18
  but he's very, very sad.
• 17:20
  And I said, buddy, don't hit rock bottom because that's what most people do.
• 17:26
  I didn't hit rock bottom, thank goodness.
• 17:28
  So that's why I'm doing this show.
• 17:30
  I don't want any of you guys to hit rock bottom.
• 17:32
  And he and I talked for a while and I said, DM me and I will help you through this.
• 17:37
  But there are ways through this.
• 17:40
  And that's what the whole Heart of a Life brand is for, guys.
• 17:42
  So face your fears, live your dreams.
• 17:44
  And it really is nothing more than, what are you running from?
• 17:48
  What is it?
• 17:49
  I can assure you the things you're using to placate, the things you're using to numb and dumb yourself are hurting you much more than just facing the issue.
• 18:01
  Me, unlovable, unworthy.
• 18:07
  not good enough, really a piece of shit.
• 18:10
  And I was creating that 100%.
• 18:13
  One finger pointing away, three pointing right back at you.
• 18:16
  And guess what?
• 18:18
  None of that was true.
• 18:20
  And if you're listening to this and you think that about yourself, I got a news flash for you.
• 18:26
  Thoughts are magical lies and none of this is true.
• 18:29
  But man, does it feel true because that voice in your head is loud.
• 18:35
  And every time you take that cannabis or you scroll or you drink, it gets a little quieter for just a little minute.
• 18:44
  But I assure you, you are kicking the can down the street.
• 18:48
  And I wasted 25 years of my life just like that.
• 18:51
  I say all this because we're most equipped to help the person we used to be.
• 18:57
  And I wish 50 year old Kelly could go put his arm around 14 year old Kelly and say, you're going to amount to something big.
• 19:06
  You're going to change the world.
• 19:07
  You're going to start a movement, a heart of the life nation that's going to help millions of people, but you're going to have to go through hell to do it.
• 19:15
  But let's start now because what happened to you was wrong and unjust, but it was there to make you tough because the world is tough.
• 19:26
  So everything that's happening to you is happening for you.
• 19:28
  And you know this people rather than face everything and run, face everything and rise.
• 19:36
  It sucks, man.
• 19:38
  It really does.
• 19:39
  So having said all that, if you're using alcohol, cannabis,
• 19:45
  isolation, partying, even fitness.
• 19:48
  I did it last year, 555 workouts, anything in excess or anything to not feel your feelings.
• 19:56
  I beg you.
• 19:58
  watch these Thursday podcasts, reach out to me, DM me.
• 20:02
  I don't have anything to sell you.
• 20:03
  I will answer you.
• 20:04
  If you email me, kelly at harderthanlife.com, I will answer and I will get you fast-tracked to where you need to be.
• 20:13
  I will show you what I did to get through it.
• 20:15
  It took me the better part of seven years.
• 20:19
  till I figure this thing out.
• 20:20
  It's hard for me to say that too.
• 20:21
  I figured it out.
• 20:22
  I just won't let myself be lately.
• 20:26
  And I'm working on it hard because being right holds no power.
• 20:32
  But being happy and letting that shit go, being at peace is where it's at.
• 20:41
  If you continue listening to this, I'm gonna keep pouring into you guys.
• 20:45
  And keep in mind how we do it.
• 20:48
  Listen to every single Thursday show and I'll tell you.
• 20:50
  There's no secrets.
• 20:51
  It's meditation.
• 20:53
  It's journaling.
• 20:54
  It's faith.
• 20:54
  It's sitting in your shit.
• 20:56
  It's the sacred pause.
• 20:58
  You read either one of my books, actually, Happier Than Life gives you some of the modalities.
• 21:03
  But message me and tell me you're specific because every one of you is here for a reason.
• 21:09
  And it's important that you're here.
• 21:12
  And the world doesn't want you numb and dumb.
• 21:15
  The world wants you harder than life, happier than life, and healthier than life.
• 21:20
  Hopefully you got something out of this.
• 21:22
  If nothing else, some funny stories.
• 21:25
  I could go on about stories, because I will tell you, I look back, and I don't, people say that they don't have regrets, and I do.
• 21:33
  I did some stupid things.
• 21:35
  I did some things that are not becoming me.
• 21:37
  but the drinking part of it was a lot of fun.
• 21:42
  But it is not good for your mental and physical health.
• 21:46
  And there's no coincidence that I'm in the best mental and physical fitness that I've ever been.
• 21:53
  Guys, email me.
• 21:54
  If it's alcohol, that's the easiest one.
• 21:56
  If it's cannabis, those are easy ones.
• 21:58
  Uh, some of these I didn't even get into could be pornography, could be masturbation, could be escapisms, just whatever it is.
• 22:06
  Face your fears, live your dreams, be harder than life till next week.
• 22:08
  I love you all share this with somebody who may or may not be dabbling a little bit too much into the naughty water and, uh, just ask them to listen to my stuff.
• 22:18
  And if nothing else, DM me, I've helped a lot of people get on the other side of this is toxic.
• 22:24
  Keep in mind.
• 22:25
  I love you all.
• 22:26
  I really do.
• 22:27
  And I want you all to feel the way I feel.
• 22:29
  The amount of peace that I have in my heart now.
• 22:33
  And the way I feel and the way I look.
• 22:35
  Just go back and look at some of my old Facebook photos of the blotchy skin.
• 22:41
  I get all this time.
• 22:42
  And we used to call it getting Siegel'd.
• 22:46
  And being Siegel'd meant...
• 22:49
  I would drink you under the table until you passed out.
• 22:52
  And then I would take pictures and I would post it.
• 22:54
  And I thought that was cool.
• 22:55
  But now getting Siegel'd means you're going to win.
• 22:59
  You're going to win massively.
• 23:02
  I don't know why.
• 23:02
  Because you're put on this earth for a reason.
• 23:06
  And you're here to do great things.
• 23:07
  And you matter.
• 23:08
  And you are worthy.
• 23:09
  And you are lovable.
• 23:10
  And you're super freaking smart.
• 23:14
  I love you all.
• 23:16
  Be awesome.
• 23:17
  Be kind.
• 23:18
  See you next Thursday.
• 23:19
  Please rate and share this podcast.
• 23:20
  I'm active on all social platforms and love to hear from my Segal supporters.
• 23:25
  Each and every episode is sponsored by my company, National Technology Management, the easiest and best IT company to do business with, delivering peace of mind with technology every day, even simplifying cybersecurity.
• 23:36
  Visit TrustNTM.com for more info.
• 23:39
  Until next week, be harder than life.