Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / How Narcissists THRIVE on your FEARS

Transcript

How Narcissists THRIVE on your FEARS · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  What is going on, beautiful people?
• 0:02
  Today we're going to be talking about the one thing that most
• 0:05
  narcissists thrive on. Fear.
• 0:09
  Your fear convincing you to be scared of every damn thing.
• 0:12
  Y'all. If you're new here, my name is
• 0:14
  Lee Hammock. I'm a self aware narcissist and
• 0:16
  welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Code.
• 0:35
  Boom. Welcome back folks, welcome
• 0:37
  back, welcome back, welcome back.
• 0:38
  Yes, yes, yes. So narcissistic people, y'all
• 0:42
  thrive on fear. Let's get that out the way.
• 0:44
  Point blank period in this story.
• 0:47
  Thrive on it, love it. Just just need it.
• 0:51
  Need. They need it, y'all?
• 0:56
  Les Brown, the famous motivational speaker.
• 0:59
  Les Brown has an acronym for fear.
• 1:02
  He says it's false evidence appearing real.
• 1:04
  And that's literally what narcissistic people do to you.
• 1:08
  They convince you that false evidence is real.
• 1:11
  It appears real to you. Fear.
• 1:13
  It literally is. They want you to be scared of
• 1:14
  every damn thing, y'all. They want you to be scared that
• 1:18
  nobody else is going to want you, right?
• 1:21
  You're too big, you're too small, you're too heavy, you're
• 1:24
  too tall. You're too short.
• 1:25
  You're too this, you're too that.
• 1:26
  You're too mouthy, you're too uneducated, you're too smart,
• 1:30
  you're too bougie. You're too high class.
• 1:32
  You do. You don't have enough class.
• 1:34
  You see what I'm saying? They want you to be scared.
• 1:39
  They want you to be scared to. If you leave this relationship,
• 1:42
  I'm going to treat you hardly. They want you to be scared that
• 1:46
  I like. If you leave, I'm going to find
• 1:49
  somebody else. I'm going to treat them better.
• 1:50
  I'm going to give the next person everything that you ever
• 1:52
  wanted. Like if you leave me, if you
• 1:55
  don't do what I say, if you don't do what I say, I'm going
• 1:58
  to go get somebody else to do it.
• 2:00
  They want you to be afraid of them, deathly afraid of them.
• 2:04
  They want to cultivate and stoke that fear within you because it
• 2:08
  benefits them. They, they feel like a, it's
• 2:12
  like a nutritional, you know, nutritional value, right?
• 2:16
  The fear has a deep nutritional value for them.
• 2:20
  It absolutely does. They thrive on it.
• 2:24
  They love it. They thrive on the fear.
• 2:27
  They do. And that's why I try to convince
• 2:29
  people, I try to tell so many people that they want you to be
• 2:33
  afraid. That's the thing that most
• 2:35
  narcissists want, right? They don't want you to be
• 2:40
  comfortable. They don't want you to be happy.
• 2:43
  They want you to be afraid of every damn thing that could be
• 2:48
  outside of this relationship. I try to tell people this all
• 2:52
  the time, Like when I'm doing my one on ones, when I'm doing my
• 2:55
  coaching, I tell that this is one of the main messages that I
• 2:58
  try to convey to people in a way that fits their in a way that
• 3:02
  fits their needs the most, in a way that helps them heal the
• 3:06
  most. Like narcissistic people are
• 3:09
  going to find a way to try and thrive on getting you afraid
• 3:15
  because your fear literally is going to get to them.
• 3:19
  Your fear. Like your fear.
• 3:21
  If you tell them that you're afraid, I'm just afraid I'm
• 3:23
  making the wrong decision. They want you to think that like
• 3:28
  they want you to think that like very rarely or you going to be
• 3:31
  in a relationship with a narcissist where you're not
• 3:33
  going to be afraid of something going on.
• 3:35
  They use because they think about this right here.
• 3:37
  Y'all fear is power, right? Fear is a control tactic.
• 3:43
  Well, Lee, how do you know how you know it's power and control
• 3:45
  tactic. Let's just say you have a
• 3:49
  narcissistic partner that works that work for I don't know, I
• 3:52
  don't know their work schedule. If they do work, if they don't
• 3:54
  work, you might work, you might not work.
• 3:58
  But let's just say you that that person gets home at 5:30 every
• 4:02
  single day. You go home, you get off and you
• 4:05
  get home at 5:30 every single day.
• 4:07
  How do you feel at 3? How do you feel at 4:00?
• 4:12
  How do you feel on a car ride home?
• 4:13
  Are you happy that you're going home to this person or are you
• 4:17
  afraid because you don't know what type, what version of the
• 4:20
  person that you're married to or in a relationship with or your
• 4:24
  parent, whoever this is, You don't know what version of that
• 4:27
  person is going to walk through that door.
• 4:29
  If you have a narcissistic, if you have a narcissistic boss
• 4:32
  when you're driving to work in the morning, when you drive into
• 4:35
  the office in the morning or wherever it is, you don't know
• 4:38
  what subversion of that boss you're going to walk into when
• 4:41
  you clock in. What are they going to say?
• 4:44
  What are they going to do? Are they going to try to make
• 4:46
  your life harder? Are they going to target you
• 4:48
  today and needle you? Are they going to micromanage
• 4:52
  the hell out of you today? Are they going to get on your
• 4:54
  nerves today? Are they going to do a soap?
• 4:55
  Are they going to mess with you so much today that you quit?
• 4:57
  Are they going to push you over to the push you over the edge
• 5:00
  that today is the last day and you just decide to quit, right?
• 5:04
  What's the type of space right there?
• 5:06
  You mean it just, you know, that's what that's what happens.
• 5:12
  This is the mindset that so many people experience when you're
• 5:17
  dealing with narcissistic people.
• 5:19
  It just, it really is one of the things that happens to so many
• 5:23
  damn people. Like you afraid, like say you
• 5:26
  can and like yell. There's nothing wrong with being
• 5:28
  afraid. And because because, like that's
• 5:30
  where courage comes into play. Because courage is not the
• 5:34
  absence of fear. It's knowing that their their
• 5:36
  fear might exist and still taking action anyway.
• 5:41
  Courage is sometimes understanding that the fear is
• 5:44
  not a valid fear. You know what I'm saying?
• 5:47
  Like, is this fear valid? Is this fear that they're
• 5:49
  stocking valid within me? Is nobody else going to want me?
• 5:56
  You know, even if that's true, which is not or you can you be
• 6:00
  happy by yourself for a little while, nobody else is going to
• 6:04
  want you. Fine, cool.
• 6:05
  I'll be happy by myself for a while.
• 6:07
  I'm good, I love me. I can be single, I can exist out
• 6:10
  here. Nobody else is going to do this.
• 6:12
  Nobody else is going to take care of you like me.
• 6:14
  This is if this is your parent playing the role of the
• 6:17
  narcissist here. You see what I'm saying?
• 6:19
  This is the type of space that so many people fall into right
• 6:22
  here. This is the type of dynamic that
• 6:24
  so many people end up dealing with when you're trying to heal
• 6:27
  and grow from a narcissist or a toxic person or an abusive
• 6:30
  person. This is what happens.
• 6:33
  I promise you this is what happens.
• 6:35
  Like they try to stoke unrealistic theories into you,
• 6:39
  like what narcissists do, right? A lot of debt like this is kind
• 6:42
  of crazy. Narcissists are masters of
• 6:44
  projection, right? So a lot of their, a lot of the
• 6:48
  fears that they're trying to put on you are actually fears that
• 6:52
  they themselves have. A lot of the fears that they
• 6:56
  have are that they're trying to put onto you.
• 7:00
  They're trying to make you have their fears.
• 7:03
  They're projecting their own fears and their own insecurities
• 7:07
  on you. This is absolutely what they're
• 7:10
  doing. They want you to have the same
• 7:12
  fears that they do or they're telling you they're like when
• 7:15
  they're trying to get you afraid, they're telling you
• 7:17
  their own biggest fears. They afraid that it like nobody
• 7:21
  else is going to want you. They think that you're going to
• 7:23
  leave them for somebody else. Nobody else is going to want
• 7:27
  you. That's their biggest fear, that
• 7:28
  somebody else does want you and somebody else is going to scoop
• 7:30
  you up and disconnect from you. You see what I'm saying?
• 7:33
  That's the type of stuff that's going to start to happen in
• 7:36
  these spaces, in these relationship dynamics.
• 7:38
  That's the type of stuff that can go go make you go make you
• 7:42
  feel like you're going to haywire.
• 7:43
  They're projecting their own fear onto you because narcissist
• 7:49
  benefit from you being afraid. That's one of the things that
• 7:53
  is, is is can be. It can be extremely difficult,
• 7:55
  but that's one of the things that you can absolutely get a
• 7:58
  grasp on. Once you get a grasp on it,
• 8:01
  there's nothing that it like. Once you get a grasp on it and
• 8:03
  just see that the fears that they're trying to stoke within
• 8:06
  you are really their own internal fears.
• 8:09
  It helps you moving forward, right?
• 8:12
  Even if they do find a new person and start treating them
• 8:16
  better, that just kind of shows you how manipulative they are
• 8:20
  and how with how withholding and abusive that they can actually
• 8:23
  be, right? That's the type of stuff that
• 8:25
  can and will happen sometimes. That's the type of space that so
• 8:29
  many people fall into. I promise you, this is what
• 8:31
  happens. So if you're dealing with a
• 8:33
  narcissist or a toxic person and then you fought, you were
• 8:36
  falling into this dynamic, you were falling into this switch,
• 8:38
  You're falling into this trap. I'm telling you, this could
• 8:41
  happen as well. This is one of those things that
• 8:44
  can exist, like they are trying to make you feel afraid because
• 8:48
  they are actually afraid. They thrive on it.
• 8:51
  It's like, as I say, it's a fear.
• 8:54
  It's kind of like, you know how how I'll take this soda bottle,
• 8:58
  for instance, like how the soda bottle has nutritional,
• 9:01
  nutritional facts on it right here.
• 9:03
  Fear for narcissists has a nutritional value.
• 9:07
  You know what I mean? Fear has a nutritional value.
• 9:10
  So they're, they're snacking on it.
• 9:11
  They love the fact that you're afraid, right?
• 9:14
  They love the fact they, they, they said they, they can thrive
• 9:17
  on what you have going on. They enjoy it, you know, So
• 9:21
  that's why I'm telling people, that's why I'm telling you right
• 9:23
  now. So if you're, as long as you're
• 9:24
  dealing with a narcissistic person, this abusive person,
• 9:27
  this is the type of stuff that they're going to always do to
• 9:29
  you because they benefit from you being afraid.
• 9:32
  They thrive on you being afraid. They love it.
• 9:35
  So as long as you're afraid they win.
• 9:37
  They can feel like they're they're doing something.
• 9:39
  They're doing something great right here, right?
• 9:41
  They're doing something so well and dandy and so handy that they
• 9:45
  just feel like the world is on there, Like the world is damn
• 9:48
  near on their shoulders. So as long as they feel like
• 9:51
  they can get you good and afraid, they feel like they can
• 9:54
  control you. Fear is a control tactic that
• 9:56
  narcissistic people thrive on. Fear is a control tactic that
• 9:59
  they use to keep you where you are, to keep you from taking the
• 10:03
  necessary action. There's so many people that I
• 10:05
  talk to, they just say, well, Lee, I, I know I should have
• 10:07
  made this action years ago. I was just afraid that this will
• 10:11
  happen. I was just afraid that they
• 10:13
  would stalk me. I was just afraid that they
• 10:14
  wouldn't let me go. I was just afraid that they
• 10:16
  would just follow me or find me or whatever.
• 10:18
  I was just afraid that this would happen.
• 10:19
  I was just afraid. I was afraid, I was afraid, fear
• 10:23
  and sometimes all those fears valid.
• 10:25
  Yes, they can absolutely stalk you.
• 10:27
  That's why that's why I say taking the necessary steps and
• 10:29
  protecting yourself and using the discernment and being as
• 10:32
  safe as possible. You know, I tell people to stay
• 10:34
  safe. All you see is responding to
• 10:36
  conversations. Stay safe because you never know
• 10:38
  what version of this narcissistic, toxic, abusive
• 10:41
  person that you're going to get, y'all.
• 10:43
  You never know who's going to show up because some people can
• 10:45
  snapping some people can become dangerous at the end of a toxic
• 10:48
  relationship. Y'all.
• 10:50
  But anyways, y'all theory. Thank you for tuning in to
• 10:52
  another episode. Y'all know I appreciate every
• 10:53
  single one of y'all. Make sure you hit that subscribe
• 10:55
  button if you haven't already. You know we're trying We we we
• 10:58
  growing we growing over here, we growing and y'all guess what I
• 11:01
  got my Facebook page back. Oh my goodness.
• 11:03
  Finally, after three months of being hacked, we're back.
• 11:08
  So if you follow me on Facebook, I'm back over there too.
• 11:11
  They got so much subscribe to this channel.
• 11:13
  Commit to whom this is out. Peace.
• 11:15
  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
• 11:17
  I am extremely grateful for you have no idea.
• 11:20
  If you haven't already, make sure you go ahead and subscribe
• 11:22
  to the channel helps reach more people and click on the screen
• 11:24
  to watch another video or to browse to another playlist.
• 11:27
  There's also a link on the screen to check out my courses
• 11:29
  and my support groups to help you heal and understand what
• 11:32
  you've been through. Thank you so much again.
• 11:34
  I will see you in the next video.
• 11:35
  Peace.