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The Hope Hidden in Failure · The World Knowledge

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Well, good afternoon, listeners. Thank you so much for listening
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: to Lament of Hope podcast. As you guys know, we
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: are nearing our 300th episode, which is amazing. And so
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: many people from around the world with different struggles and stories.
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: And it's all because of you guys and your support.
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: So I'm super grateful. I feel like I have to
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: say that every time I start because I just it
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: always blows me away when I think about it. Not
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: someone they can rely on. can't be a rock in
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: times of hard times. And that terrifies me. I've had
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  Speaker 1: panic attacks at times in my life in front of children,
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  Speaker 1: and my panic attacks have been really extreme. They're really
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  Speaker 1: trauma-induced panic attacks. And I hate seeing fear in kids' eyes,
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: because sometimes it comes upon me when I'm in a
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  Speaker 1: public place or whatever. And I hate seeing that. It's
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: like I see the growth in myself, but at the
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  Speaker 1: same time, there are still days When it can be
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  Speaker 1: really bad and I'm like, I feel like a shell
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  Speaker 1: of my human self. And I wanted to ask you,
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  Speaker 1: like you were mentioning earlier how you really actively like
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  Speaker 1: had your kids come into the journey with you and see, okay,
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: this is the pain meds that I'm being given right now.
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: This is my medical team. You can know their names.
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: Do you ever... did you struggle with guilt over that?
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  Speaker 1: Do you, how did you reconcile with your mind that like, okay,
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  Speaker 1: my kids are going to experience pain in this life.
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  Speaker 1: I can't block out everything for them. Like, how did
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  Speaker 1: you live in hope with your own children when you
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  Speaker 1: were struggling so much and they had to see that struggle?
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: It was, it is, it is hard. I mean, there's
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  Speaker 2: no getting around it. But I certainly am glad that
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  Speaker 2: I made the choice that I did when they were young.
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: I believe, at least for our family at the time,
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  Speaker 2: it normalized it. It was our everyday life. So it
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  Speaker 2: took a lot of the scary out of it. At
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  Speaker 2: the beginning, it was really scary all the time. And
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  Speaker 2: so we started, like I said, I had some amazing
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  Speaker 2: doctors and nurses that just dove in like crazy. They
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  Speaker 2: were mommies and daddies to the kids. And they wanted
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  Speaker 2: to protect their hearts and their minds. And so they
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  Speaker 2: started to teach them. This is what it is. My
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  Speaker 2: kids were mixing my TPN bags and plugging me in.
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  Speaker 2: They started plugging in the IVs into my port. And
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  Speaker 2: they got to do something to help mommies. And it
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  Speaker 2: was an everyday thing. It was an all day thing.
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  Speaker 2: I had nurses at the house every single day coming
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: to do stuff. And, but they became family. They celebrated
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  Speaker 2: with us. They were kids' birthdays. They actually had the
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: kids' birthday party. The nurse's office did like this Christmas
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  Speaker 2: thing for the kids. I mean, it became our normal.
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  Speaker 2: And The best thing as far as my kids are
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  Speaker 2: concerned is that it changed their hearts. My kids are
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  Speaker 2: some of the most empathetic, loving children ever. that you'll
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: ever meet. If they see someone in pain, whether it's physical,
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  Speaker 2: it's mental, whether they're struggling with something at home or
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: something at school, they'll jump in and they want to
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: be there. They want to support, they want to love.
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: And that's what they were taught. You dive in and
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  Speaker 2: you're there. And, um,