Latest / Limitless Living with Fredricka Davis / 015: Overfunctioning Is Exhausting You (And You Don’t Even See It)

Transcript

015: Overfunctioning Is Exhausting You (And You Don’t Even See It) · Limitless Living with Fredricka Davis

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to the Limitless Living podcast for women over 40 resetting and rising and choosing to do so without the burnout and without the overwhelm.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: Today we're talking about something that I wish more women understood sooner.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: You're not lazy, you're not unmotivated, you're not falling behind.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: Just in case you might feel that way.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: There's a very real possibility that your nervous system is overloaded.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: If this is true, no productivity hack, no discipline plan, no self-criticism, no next organizer app that you download going to fix this.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: By the end of this episode, what I really want you to understand is what your nervous system overload actually looks like in your life, why high-functioning women just like you miss it.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: You miss it in yourself.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: And the three simple ways to begin regulating without overhauling your entire life.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you want to rise sustainably, be healthy, vibrant, happy, joyful, and productive, and all those wonderful things, you have to regulate first.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: So most women I work with describe themselves as busy, responsible, driven, capable, they're getting things done, they're showing up, they're producing, but underneath all of it, they're walking around with tight jaws, slow, shallow breathing, poor sleep, mid-afternoon crashes, snapping faster than they used to to the people around them, uh, mood swings, brain fog, maybe feeling wired, even though they also feel exhausted at the same time.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: That is not laziness.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: That is a nervous system that hasn't had any real time to exhale, probably in years.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: Does any of that ring a bell?
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: Chances are, if you're listening to this, you are a high-functioning woman.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: You are somebody who might relate to these, who gets the job done, who is responsible and capable and a doer and moving forward, or who wants to be.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: This is what leads to system overload.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: So, what is your nervous system?
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: What is nervous system overload?
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: Let's talk about that.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: So, your nervous system has two primary modes.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: Number one, regulated.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: That's where you feel steady, you feel clear-headed, you're responsive.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: Your emotions, your responses are appropriate to the situations.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: It's where you can think clearly and make decisions decisively and well.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: A dysregulated system, this is where you feel reactive.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: You know, maybe your reactions to certain situations are not appropriate to the situation.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you feel anxious, maybe you feel numb, you're just not feeling anymore.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: You've gotten to that point.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: Or overwhelmed and shut down even.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of times when we're overwhelmed, we're scattered, we're getting things done, or at least it feels like we are, but we're never really getting things done.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: And then there's shutdown overwhelm where you just can't make a decision, you can't move.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: These are all a sign of a dysregulated system.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: And a dysregulated system isn't just these, it's also a system that maybe doesn't want to release the weight, even though you're doing all the right things.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's showing up in you that there is just something holding you back in your career, your body, your health, your mindset, any of that.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: Chances are your regul your nervous system has a role in that and it dysregulated.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: This is where you feel reactive, you feel anxious, you feel numb sometimes, emotionally numb, mentally numb.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: This isn't a sense of overwhelm you might feel, a sense of scatteredness, or even an all-out shutdown.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: Being dysregulated can also show up as inflammation.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: So here's the part no one really talks about.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: You can be highly productive while completely being dysregulated.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: I know a little bit of something about this because I was in that mode, even though I was doing all the right things.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: I needed to pay more attention to my nervous system.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: That was a missing link for me.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: Not once in my lifetime, but several times in my lifetime because it's easy when you stop paying attention for that to happen again.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: It's the world we live in.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, many high-achieving women are running on a chronic fight or flight mechanism.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: They're just stuck in this fight or flight.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: If this rings true for you, it's gonna look like overfunctioning.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you're taking responsibility for everyone and everything.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: That's a sign.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's saying yes automatically without intentionally pausing and thinking and deciding whether you want to say yes.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's fixing problems before you've even been given those problems.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: It often can show up as us fixing somebody else's problems before they've even asked or needed us to.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: This commonly shows up with our adult kids or our young kids, but even our friends, our people around us.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: And it can feel like rest must be earned.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: So when you take a rest, you might feel a little guilty about that.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: Like maybe I haven't earned this, or maybe you feel like it's not productive when actually it is.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: It's a very, it's an active thing.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: Resting is a verb, ladies.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: There's a cost, and we just don't often recognize what the cost is for staying in this fight or flight and staying in nervous system dysregulation.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: And by the time we are over 40, our body has accumulated hormonal shifts, life transitions, grief, responsibilities, years and years and years of pushing pushing through when we really should have been taking some pauses and years of stress.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: So you the old coping strategies stop working the way that they used to.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: And you cannot override your biology forever.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: At some point, your system will demand regulation.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: And that's when we really start to break down.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what happened to me.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: I can tell you honestly, that's what happened to me.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: Three years ago, I was walking around on cane.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: I was, I was, I was much heavier, I could not release the weight no matter what I tried.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: I I'll tell you, I was wrecked.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: I was in a constant state of inflammation, my autoimmune disease, and um my my uh psoriasis, psoriatic arthritis, all the things were full blown, like I have never had them before.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: And I can tell you, in all honesty, my nervous system being dysregulated was the number one common denominator in all of the symptoms.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: What I am teaching you, I have lived.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: What I teach in my programs, I have lived.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: I lost sight of my own and was continuously in the cycle.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: And my entire career is built around helping others solve their problems.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: So is it easy to get caught up and do that a little too much where I don't leave enough time for me and my own?
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, it is.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: Truth be told.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: So recognizing that, approaching that, correcting that, implementing, I'm walking living proof.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: I've got the before and after pictures of it to show your nervous system is an enormous factor in so much in your life.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: And when it demands regulation, at that point for me, it was screaming.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: I couldn't even walk without a cane, and I had so much pain.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: It was screaming at me.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: It was no longer whispering in my body, saying, hey, this hip hurts a little bit.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: It would come and go.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: That's a whisper.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: Or, hey, my psoriasis, I got a new spot of my psoriasis.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: I wonder why I got that, and then ignoring it.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: That's a whisper.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: It was then screaming at me in every joint.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: That's what happens, whether you get those things or not.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: For you, it might look like just overwhelming shutdown.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: It could look like high blood pressure and constant anxiety.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: There's a lot of things this can look like for someone.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: When the body starts screaming, we tend to finally answer.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: But what if we listened earlier?
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: What if we actually took the time and listened earlier and said, okay, let's focus on getting back into a state of regulation.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: Let's release some of these things and stop asking, why am I tired for no reason?
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: I don't feel like myself anymore.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_00: Why can't I just get it together every day?
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: Why can't I keep things going?
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: Why do I forget things?
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: Why?
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I could go on and on and on.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: There's a long list.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: What you need is to come back into a state of regulation.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: So I want to give you three simple ways to begin regulating as we close out this episode.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: First of all, these are not an overhaul.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: This is not about perfection, and this is not about adding more pressure.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_00: Just begin.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: Number one, slow your transitions.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of jumping from task to task, this is a woman thing.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: It's also a societal thing that we all now deal with, wearing the hats of far too many people.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: We have too many different duties within our jobs, too many different roles within our lives.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: Nothing is simple like it used to be.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: It's created decision fatigue, it's created nervous system dysregulation.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: And now what I want you to do is number one, is slow your transitions.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: I instead of jumping from task to task, instead of going from, um, I'll give you an example.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: With me, when I'm in my wellness center, I might be recording a podcast one moment, and then I might be shifting gears and seeing a client in my office another moment.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: And then I might be training a staff member another moment.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: So those are some pretty big shifts mentally.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: And being present and accountable and focused on each one requires me to make sure that I've transitioned into it.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: The older I've gotten and the more women I've worked with, I really know that you are also noticing these.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: That's often harder to shift gears as fast.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: When you take a 30 second pause between your tasks, I don't care if it's between cleaning the toilet and answering the phone.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: Take a 30-second pause to take a few breaths.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: One, two breaths in and out deeply.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: That lets your body register that one thing has ended before another has begun.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: That's it.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: Simple, so simple.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_00: So this is my step one, simple way to start begin regulating.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: Step two to start regulating is lower the intensity of one of your habits.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: So if you are working out and you're working out really hard and you find that you are drained, it's draining you.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_00: Reduce the intensity temporarily.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: Just give it a whirl, just temporarily.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: Give yourself a week or two of just go ahead, keep working out, but don't go to the intensity level and let your body handle it better.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: In the mornings, if your mornings feel frantic, remove one thing that contributes to that.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: Anything.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: Intensity is not always progress, I promise you.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_00: So lower the intensity of one habit.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: Those are just two examples.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_00: And step three of your three simple ways is practice one deliberate exhale, literally.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I mean long, slow exhale, longer than you inhaled.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_00: This tells your nervous system it is safe, it releases what you might be holding on to.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: Now you can do more than one.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: I like to do three to five of them, personally.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: And this is so simple, but because just because it's simple, it does not mean it's not effective.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_00: This is something that signals your nervous system immediately that it's safe.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_00: That is huge when it comes to every endeavor you have in life, your entire health and well-being.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: So again, number one, slow your transitions throughout the day.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: Number two, lower the intensity of one habit.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: And number three, practice one deliberate exhale.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, here's why this matters.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_00: You cannot build sustainable success or health or anything on a dysregulated system.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_00: You can't.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: Here's what you can build: momentum, adrenaline like crazy, and you can build short-term results.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_00: But you cannot build peace, you cannot build clarity, you cannot build expansion that will last.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_00: So, limitless living, it's not about pushing harder, it's about expanding safely so it can be sustainable.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: That's where we have limitless whatever it is that we define as limitless living.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_00: So, here's your questions today.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_00: Where have you been calling yourself lazy?
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: When were you actually overloaded?
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: And what would change if instead of criticizing yourself, you supported your nervous system?
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: That's it.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_00: Start there.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_00: If this conversation felt like it was describing you, make sure you subscribe so you don't miss what's next.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_00: And if you know another woman who looks strong on the outside but feels stretched thin on the inside, share this episode with her.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: And if you want to go deeper, I've created a free limitless living community where these conversations continue beyond the mic.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_00: It's a space for women just like you who are in that reset and rise mode and want to do it without the burnout.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_00: The link is in the show notes.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_00: We are building this differently.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_00: This is holistic.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_00: This is all of you.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_00: I'll see you in the next episode.