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295. "Get In The Fight" To Become A Better Husband With Nate Whitson · The Ultimate Intimacy Podcast

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: You are listening to the Ultimate Intimacy Podcast, where we discuss how to find ultimate intimacy in your relationship.
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: We believe that, no matter how many years you have been married, you can find passion, happiness and romance at any stage of your life.
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: Join us as we have discussions in all areas of intimacy, interview marriage professionals and people who are just flat-out fun.
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: Our podcast is for all couples looking to transform their relationship.
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: Hi and welcome to the Ultimate Intimacy Podcast with Nick and Amy, and we are so excited for our guest today.
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: I think you're going to love hearing from him.
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: Today's guest is Nate Whitson with Get In the Fight, and a lot of you probably don't know what Get In the Fight is yet, but after you listen to the podcast you're probably going to want to jump on it.
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: So welcome to the podcast, Nate, so excited to have you thank you guys appreciate it.
• 1:08
  Speaker 3: So great to see you and such an honor to be on the show.
• 1:11
  Speaker 3: I love what you guys do.
• 1:12
  Speaker 3: I love being just a, a customer or a follower whatever you want to say of Ultimate Intimacy.
• 1:19
  Speaker 3: You guys have done amazing things for, uh, traditional marriage and, um, for marriage in particular.
• 1:26
  Speaker 3: It's been really just a blessing, genuinely, and so, yeah, what an honor to be here.
• 1:30
  Speaker 3: Thanks for having me.
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: Well, thanks again.
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: This is not the first time we've been introduced to Nate.
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: We've known him for a while.
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: We've been working with him on some things that you'll know when they come out, but we're real excited to have him on.
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: We should have had him on a long time ago, but for many reasons, now is the time and, yeah, we're excited to have you on.
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: So, amy and I are so impressed with what you've been doing and the things that you've come up with and how you're helping marriages as well, and I would say maybe you've kind of focused your attention a little bit more on men, right, yeah, that's right.
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah, do you mind sharing a little bit about kind of your journey and your stories?
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: I think that that's where everything you know starts out and and you know the, I guess the, the, what's the word I'm looking for the inspiration that you had to do, what to do, what you're now doing, which is just incredible.
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: Do you mind sharing with the audience just a little bit about your journey and how you got there?
• 2:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah, appreciate the chance to do that.
• 2:37
  Speaker 3: I always kind of like jokingly say that the reason I do a men's ministry is because I grew up the only boy out of five kids.
• 2:45
  Speaker 3: I have four sisters growing up and then God gave us four daughters and no sons.
• 2:51
  Speaker 3: It's just like that's always the joke of like why do you do men's ministry?
• 2:56
  Speaker 3: Why are you so focused on serving men?
• 2:58
  Speaker 3: Well, it's like I just need to be around the testosterone to be around the testosterone.
• 3:08
  Speaker 3: And so you know, in both growing up and then with my family now you know I'm so blessed to be around some just amazing girls, amazing women.
• 3:13
  Speaker 3: But my passion really has been to help Christian men in particular to be the men that God meant for them to be.
• 3:22
  Speaker 3: And one of the things that we really focus in a lot is like are you living life in a way that you would be proud of?
• 3:31
  Speaker 3: When it's all said and done?
• 3:33
  Speaker 3: Are you living life in a way that you're just like man?
• 3:36
  Speaker 3: You know what that was like.
• 3:37
  Speaker 3: I spent whatever time I was given to the fullest and I made life count.
• 3:42
  Speaker 3: You know what I find is like to the fullest and I made life count.
• 3:46
  Speaker 3: You know what I find is like not that I am that guy, that I've perfectly done that, in fact, like I really really wish I would have started this because I was just so cool, it wasn't because I'm such a great man, but it's because I genuinely want to be a better man.
• 4:05
  Speaker 3: I want to be a better man.
• 4:05
  Speaker 3: I want to be a better husband.
• 4:06
  Speaker 3: I want to be a better father.
• 4:08
  Speaker 3: I want to be a better follower of Jesus.
• 4:11
  Speaker 3: And, to be honest with you, like the genesis of my journey was probably three or four years ago.
• 4:18
  Speaker 3: I had found myself kind of in a place where I think a lot of guys I'm 47 today, a lot of guys in their mid forties, kind of in a place where I think a lot of guys I'm 47 today, a lot of guys in their mid-40s kind of get to this place where they're like you know, I'm a little disengaged, I'm kind of going through the motions, like I'm present, but I'm not really there.
• 4:36
  Speaker 3: You know what I mean.
• 4:38
  Speaker 3: Like I found myself in a place where a lot of guys are like shaking their head right, like where you're just like man.
• 4:43
  Speaker 3: I just realized like I'm just going through the motions and like I had this, really, I think, funny moment, at least for me it was kind of funny.
• 4:51
  Speaker 3: It was this like moment where I'll keep this PG for sure.
• 4:54
  Speaker 3: But I got out of the shower and I was getting dressed and we have this full length mirror in our bedroom and I happened to be like just putting my jeans on and I'm like halfway bent over and I'm looking at this mirror and I see just like my stomach hanging over my pants.
• 5:11
  Speaker 3: You know, it was like this moment of like I used to be an athlete, like I used to consider myself, like you know, a decent athlete as a young guy, and it's like, wow, how far I have fallen from from that goal, you know.
• 5:24
  Speaker 3: And so there was a little bit just like hurt, pride in that.
• 5:27
  Speaker 3: But I will tell you like what came out of it was not this audible voice from God.
• 5:33
  Speaker 3: You know, like when people would be like you know God said something to me, you're like what does that even mean?
• 5:37
  Speaker 3: You know, when you've had that experience, you know it clearly, though, and it wasn't this audible voice, but what God said to me was you're out of the fight, and I was like that message kind of like hit me hard, of like.
• 5:51
  Speaker 3: I know it's true, like you know.
• 5:53
  Speaker 3: I don't know if you've ever had any experience like that, but you know God's speaking, you're like it's true to the core and you know it's truth.
• 6:06
  Speaker 3: That's been spoken.
• 6:07
  Speaker 3: And so I really started to go through this journey on my own of just saying I realized like I was lazy in my relationship with God.
• 6:10
  Speaker 3: I was lazy in my relationship with my wife and with my kids.
• 6:14
  Speaker 3: I was doing all the things and I was keeping the right appearance, but I knew deep inside that I wasn't living life to the fullest.
• 6:22
  Speaker 3: And again, I know your audience may not be necessarily straight up Christian and I can't help, but to the fullest.
• 6:27
  Speaker 3: And again, I know your audience may not be necessarily straight up Christian and I can't help but be that, because that's really what my ministry is.
• 6:31
  Speaker 3: But there's a verse where Jesus talks about living life to the fullest, living abundant life, and I knew I wasn't living that.
• 6:38
  Speaker 3: And it's like, if that's been promised to us, how come I don't see that in me if I've known him for so long?
• 6:45
  Speaker 3: You know, I grew up in the church.
• 6:46
  Speaker 3: I've no stories, I probably know the right answers, but I was missing something there.
• 6:52
  Speaker 3: And so when that message came to me of you're out of the fight, you need to get back in it.
• 6:58
  Speaker 3: It really just became this rallying cry that I'd never intended to be for other people.
• 7:05
  Speaker 3: I started to actually listen to some other podcasts and there was there was a guy I listened to one day that had said until you know how to frame really where you're aiming, you're really not aiming at anything specific enough.
• 7:19
  Speaker 3: And give me an example of that.
• 7:21
  Speaker 3: For me it was like I know I want to be more like Jesus, but that's so kind of general as well.
• 7:27
  Speaker 3: Like how do you know when you're doing that?
• 7:29
  Speaker 3: So I started to pursue like writing down for myself and just kind of praying through, like okay, if I get back in the fight, like how do I know when I'm winning?
• 7:40
  Speaker 3: And I think this is important for men Like we don't like to play games, we can't win.
• 7:44
  Speaker 3: I don't play games, I can't win, so I don't golf.
• 7:46
  Speaker 3: It annoys me, right, because I can't win.
• 7:49
  Speaker 3: So when you can identify what winning looks like, it really is motivating for a man.
• 7:56
  Speaker 3: And so I started to identify things.
• 7:59
  Speaker 3: I came up with just four principles for myself, Things like what does it mean to be a man?
• 8:04
  Speaker 3: It means to be a man of honor, that I have integrity in my private and public life.
• 8:09
  Speaker 3: You know that I'm the same at home yeah, that I wouldn't be in front of you.
• 8:12
  Speaker 3: That there's not like this dual nature.
• 8:14
  Speaker 3: That I keep commitments that I wouldn't be in front of you.
• 8:21
  Speaker 3: That there's not like this dual nature.
• 8:22
  Speaker 3: That I keep commitments that I made to God and to my wife and to others.
• 8:23
  Speaker 3: That's what it means to be a man of honor.
• 8:24
  Speaker 3: I want to be a man of discipline and I caught these little catchphrases that I put in there.
• 8:26
  Speaker 3: Like you know, I do the hard right thing over the easy wrong thing every time.
• 8:30
  Speaker 3: I want to be a man of strength sexually, relationally, mentally, things like this.
• 8:33
  Speaker 3: I want to be a man of strength sexually, relationally, mentally, things like this.
• 8:35
  Speaker 3: I want to be a man of joy.
• 8:37
  Speaker 3: Those four things honor, discipline, strength and joy.
• 8:40
  Speaker 3: They were just my personal aiming points that really fell under the umbrella of.
• 8:47
  Speaker 3: I want to be more like Christ.
• 8:49
  Speaker 3: I want to be more of the man that God meant for me to be.
• 8:51
  Speaker 3: I don't want to waste any more time right that God meant for me to be.
• 8:56
  Speaker 3: I don't want to waste any more time right.
• 8:58
  Speaker 3: And so, as I started to pursue that, one of the driving forces for me was God has really blessed me with amazing friendships, and many of them are from around the country, and now I think of that with you guys too.
• 9:08
  Speaker 3: It's like I meet these people and I've got these relationships and I thought, man, it would be really cool if somehow I could connect with my friend in Tennessee and my friend in Ukraine and my friend in Virginia and like maybe we could just meet up online and, you know, like have like a reading group or something Right, just that was like the genesis of this, and what it turned into was much bigger than that.
• 9:33
  Speaker 3: Again, like I think just God propelling this vision of this really wasn't me trying to create something from scratch.
• 9:39
  Speaker 3: It was just like, oh, this little idea turned into this idea and turned into something bigger.
• 9:44
  Speaker 3: So now today, if you go to getinthefightclub, you can see and you can register to be a part of our men's ministry for free.
• 9:52
  Speaker 3: And it's an online app that is only given like one-on-one from me to whoever joins, because I really want it to be for guys who are ready to fight to be better men, to be better husbands, to be better fathers, to be better followers of Jesus.
• 10:08
  Speaker 3: And so it's this private group where men can gather once a day and then once a month, as a whole community to just encourage one another to stay in the fight, you know.
• 10:20
  Speaker 3: And so there's there's a lot more to it that we can chat about if you want to, but that's really the story.
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: Two things that you said that I just want to hit on is number one.
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: I don't remember your exact words, but talking about how you know, when you first came up with this, you almost you know, maybe you didn't feel worthy or big enough or or whatever, and I think that that was the same with Amy and I, with building the app right, like I think God often calls the weak or or a lot of us that are sometimes broken, or things like that, to um to help others, so to speak.
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: Right, and I think things typically turn out better when we are humble and broken and have the desire to serve him.
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: And then I love the name of the company is Get in the Fight, because right now there is such an evil spreading across the world to um, you know, break up marriages, break up families, and I do feel like it's more of a war on men, right, um, you know, telling, telling women that, um, you don't need a man.
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: What do you need a man for?
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: Right, and, and so that's a whole nother podcast that we could get into, but I think what you're doing is just amazing in helping men become better men, and I love getting the fight, because it truly is a fight between good and evil and to become better men and better husbands and better fathers.
• 11:52
  Speaker 3: I couldn't say it any better.
• 11:53
  Speaker 3: I mean, it's true, and it's neat to have conversations like this where people are going like, yes, like this is needed, right, this is, this is something that, again, even if it's not getting the fight, it's promise keepers, it's.
• 12:05
  Speaker 3: It's a thousand small little things like this that God is definitely awakening men to wake up and to just go look.
• 12:14
  Speaker 3: There's a reason that we're losing in our marriages, like we're, I mean, in the most recent podcast.
• 12:22
  Speaker 3: I do a weekly podcast as well and was talking to a pastor in this last one that just came out on Monday and we were just talking about like the devil hates family and you know it because of the amount of space and energy he puts against it.
• 12:37
  Speaker 3: And again, it's why I think we've connected so well.
• 12:40
  Speaker 3: I think our mission is the same, although, like yeah, I'm pursuing a conversation specifically to Christian men.
• 12:46
  Speaker 3: I think that when men get back in the fight, it fixes family and I think it just fights against the darkness, like you're talking about that comes.
• 12:55
  Speaker 3: We need men engaged in the fight because it is the answer to so much of what's wrong.
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and I think that's so important and I'm glad you're focusing on men, because and you probably know more than we do, but I don't know of too many companies that are, or you know movements that are focusing on the men.
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: Like you know, you have so many that are obviously like us trying to help marriages and in general, and then obviously we talk about things that can help men and women and things like that, but where you're focusing specifically on men and being the leader of that the home and the family and being a better man, I think is so important.
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: Nate, what would you say is the biggest attack on men?
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: Like what are you fighting?
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: What is the biggest fight for right now in your eyes?
• 13:40
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a great question.
• 13:42
  Speaker 3: For me it really is two things and sadly, there are things that have been weaknesses in my own life and I think that's why I think you know, nick, you'd mentioned like coming into this humble, you can't help but come into a humble.
• 13:56
  Speaker 3: I can't help but come into humble because, um, I have struggled with both of these things.
• 14:02
  Speaker 3: To answer your question, I think I think one of them is apathy, which kind of covers really the second thing as well.
• 14:08
  Speaker 3: But apathy in men is coming at us because we're very distracted.
• 14:13
  Speaker 3: I mean, you look at the average amount of time that a man is in women to, of course, but that a man is in his phone, you know it is hours a day of just pure distraction, right, like we are distracted in that apathy has led us to pursuing, even like, good things at the expense of best things.
• 14:33
  Speaker 3: So I really feel like apathy towards what matters most is like the big overarching thing, like we've lost vision of what really matters most.
• 14:44
  Speaker 3: We've pursued pleasure, we've pursued sport, we've pursued hobby, we've pursued sex, we've pursued all these other things that in and of themselves may not be bad, but they've replaced what matters most and that is relationship with God, a relationship with family and then real life friendships.
• 15:04
  Speaker 3: There's an epidemic of loneliness with men right now.
• 15:08
  Speaker 3: That is off the charts and it's very strange, because we've never been more connected than we are now through apps and media and all these things, but yet we're more lonely.
• 15:18
  Speaker 3: We've never been more lonely, and so a big part of getting the fight is gathering a community that actually is a community online where men can gather and like, like.
• 15:29
  Speaker 3: For example, where does a man go?
• 15:31
  Speaker 3: This is a little off target, but I think it's important.
• 15:35
  Speaker 3: Where does a man go to say I'm struggling with porn, which I think is number two issue that we'll talk about?
• 15:40
  Speaker 3: Where does a man go to say I'm struggling with porn, which I think is number two issue that we'll talk about?
• 15:44
  Speaker 3: Where does a guy go?
• 15:45
  Speaker 3: To be honest about that, because if he goes to church, you know, have you ever been to church where you walk in and ever met somebody who wasn't doing fine or having a great day?
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: Exactly.
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: Everyone's doing fine right.
• 15:54
  Speaker 3: Everybody's doing fine and like you're never, and it's not appropriate either to go to church and be like, hey, you know, let me tell you about this struggle I'm having with lust today or whatever, right, but we don't even have those close relationships as men where we would trust that this is a problem, like where does he go?
• 16:10
  Speaker 3: Even if you're, like, really connected at church and you're a part of a life group or a small group that meets in Bible studies, even then it's not happening.
• 16:19
  Speaker 3: And so men need a place where they could go and just say, like I'm just struggling, maybe it is porn, Maybe, though, it's just like how do I handle this situation with my kids?
• 16:29
  Speaker 3: Right, you guys have kids, but we all have, we have about the same ages.
• 16:34
  Speaker 3: Like, wouldn't it be nice if there was a place to say like man, I'm just, I'm struggling in my marriage a little bit like, what have you guys done?
• 16:41
  Speaker 3: What have you seen?
• 16:41
  Speaker 3: Do you have any suggestions?
• 16:43
  Speaker 3: Or would you just pray for me?
• 16:44
  Speaker 3: Wouldn't that be cool if we had that?
• 16:47
  Speaker 3: And it's necessary to break through the apathy of that.
• 16:52
  Speaker 3: And again, pornography we could chat more about, but those are, those are the two big things that we really spend a lot of time on is apathy and pornography.
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: I think that's so important to have a group oh, absolutely.
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: I mean cuz like?
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: I think one of the biggest problems is probably when it does come to pornography or anything like that and the lusting, like most men, don't want to go straight to their wife.
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: That's right.
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: That's right like they probably should, but that's probably beyond hard if they're hurting and they're hurting their wife.
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: That's right.
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: Right, that's right, like they probably should, but that's probably beyond hard if they're hurting and they're hurting their wife and they know their wife is going to maybe freak out a little bit.
• 17:26
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's a really interesting point.
• 17:28
  Speaker 3: So one of the things um one of the certifications that I've gotten most recently is a certification as a sexual addiction recovery professional, and one of the things that you learn in the course of studying this is that very question of like.
• 17:47
  Speaker 3: Okay, like I feel bad about what I'm doing when it comes to pornography.
• 17:51
  Speaker 3: I wanna honor my wife, and so should I go talk to her right away?
• 17:55
  Speaker 3: And my answer is no.
• 17:56
  Speaker 3: Surprisingly, many times it's no, and it's because if you're not really invested with a plan to get healthy and whole, your wife is going to be pretty crushed, right, it's going to hurt her heart If, again, from a Christian perspective, I know there are a lot of people in fact, you've done a poll and we've chatted on your Instagram and different places there where not everybody has the same worldview as I do, and so if you're not in a Christian worldview, you might just see this completely different.
• 18:29
  Speaker 3: However, if your wife is a Christian and she thinks that you're a man of honor and she finds out that you aren't, it's going to hurt her soul, and so if you come to her before you have had sobriety for a period of time to say, like I know this is going to break your heart, but here's where I'm at in this journey and I'm walking clean with God and clean before you.
• 18:51
  Speaker 3: And now I want to be right with you in this.
• 18:53
  Speaker 3: It can actually cause hurt upon hurt upon hurt, because if I come to my wife and say I need to share with you this secret part of me that you don't know about, and then I say I'm better, and then I say I'm better, and then I fall again and have to come back, she's going to trust nothing.
• 19:10
  Speaker 3: So many times in our programs we will recommend that men actually have sobriety for at least six months in order to be able to show what they're doing Now.
• 19:23
  Speaker 3: Every story is different, every story is unique, and we'll kind of have to counsel and work through that with different guys where they're doing now it.
• 19:26
  Speaker 3: Every story is different, every story is unique and we'll kind of have to counsel and work through that with different guys where they're at.
• 19:30
  Speaker 3: But there needs to be some sobriety first, um, and then they absolutely do have to go get right with their wife because they've offended her.
• 19:37
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah that's awesome.
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: Oh, it's tough it's tough, it's gonna look different to everyone, right, like that's just a really hard area, but I love that you are like fighting to help so many men, not even just like stop the addiction, but like, like you've talked about, like to really turn to God and like do something even more, like a step above that, right, like to be an amazing husband that then go out and be like how can I help others, which is awesome.
• 20:07
  Speaker 3: I love that you're saying it, because I hope that this comes across through this getting the fight ministry.
• 20:14
  Speaker 3: We all have sin in our life.
• 20:17
  Speaker 3: We all have things that we have to address, and it's not always pornography for each guy.
• 20:21
  Speaker 3: It's anger.
• 20:23
  Speaker 3: Many times, like anger is a big one that we deal with a lot, and anger is usually an outflow of something different that comes out like anger, but it's probably fear or hurt or trauma or other things.
• 20:34
  Speaker 3: But it doesn't matter what it is and I think to your point, amy, that I love it is.
• 20:39
  Speaker 3: I don't want somebody to just come and go like I just need to deal with this one thing.
• 20:42
  Speaker 3: This is the one obstacle we got to get past first so that you can live a much bigger holistic life, which is just being the man that God meant for you to be.
• 20:50
  Speaker 3: Until you deal with that major roadblock, you're never going to be in position to live the bigger life.
• 20:56
  Speaker 3: You got to get through that roadblock, but it doesn't have to define you forever.
• 21:00
  Speaker 3: Let's get you on the pathway to freedom and wholeness so that you can then keep working on the next level.
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: Well, I like what you're saying too, because there's always a cause and effect, right?
• 21:10
  Speaker 2: If, a, if a husband's getting angry, there's a reason why, and and and, rather than just say, well, let's help you not get angry.
• 21:18
  Speaker 2: Making addressing so many other things in his life and helping him become a better man is probably naturally going to help that issue as well too.
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: Right, and I think, you know, I think sometimes a lot of people handle things.
• 21:33
  Speaker 2: They try to just go right into the problem and say let's fix this problem, but not recognizing that that problem could be surfacing by something else in in going on, right?
• 21:43
  Speaker 3: You got it.
• 21:43
  Speaker 3: In fact, this is like maybe a shameless plug, but I just believe in what we're doing here.
• 21:48
  Speaker 3: But if you, if somebody, were to go to get in the fight club, there's really two programs that we offer for men there.
• 21:56
  Speaker 3: One of them is just called a better man program and it really is like this flagship program that I wish every man would go through, because it's 20 videos that really walk a man through what it looks like to change from the inside out.
• 22:08
  Speaker 3: And once God gets a hold of you and you start walking the path of honor, discipline, strength, joy and all these other eight habits and things that we cover, there's like this progressive building upon itself where God finally then can change you from the inside out.
• 22:25
  Speaker 3: And until that happens, whether you're dealing with anger, pornography, you know, greed, whatever the thing is, the answer for you is to let God change the inside, change their heart, right?
• 22:37
  Speaker 3: Yep, you got to start there.
• 22:39
  Speaker 3: So, like, how does a guy change his heart?
• 22:40
  Speaker 3: Well, this program to be a better man really isn't trying to address the one thing.
• 22:45
  Speaker 3: It's trying to address the main thing, which is the heart issue, but it's also, like I said earlier, like men need a strategy like how do I win the game?
• 22:55
  Speaker 3: Well, here's some step by step building blocks that you can do in this better man program.
• 22:59
  Speaker 3: The second one, though, is quit porn for good, and it's pretty obvious on that one.
• 23:03
  Speaker 3: So if you're really going with that specifically, then we walk men through six steps, progressive steps, the exact steps that I've had to walk in this too, and so you know, maybe this isn't a podcast for the whole story, you know, but sadly, in my life I followed Jesus, my whole life and my own journey, and have had to walk through this shame and guilt and frustration of this feeling torn between wanting to be this man on one side and just really struggling with this secret sin and going like I don't know how to get rid of this thing in my life.
• 23:39
  Speaker 3: When you find that out, you can't help but want to share it, right's like I've got this like hope in my hand.
• 23:48
  Speaker 3: I've got this hope in my bottle that I would love to give to somebody who feels like he has no hope, you know, and so quit porn for good is just like the exact steps that I walk through myself and continue to have to walk through.
• 23:59
  Speaker 3: I think we tend to think of sobriety as like alcohol and drugs, but, man, we need sobriety from just like the chemical imbalance from pornography too, and we need help, and I I feel like I'm saying too much, maybe talking too much even, but like I want to say this because it's so critical Whatever you're dealing with, when you try to deal with it, just you, secretly, with God, sounds like the right answer, but it won't work.
• 24:25
  Speaker 3: You really need community.
• 24:27
  Speaker 3: You were made for community and one of the secrets to the strategy is the Fight Club community Until you open up and are vulnerable.
• 24:38
  Speaker 3: It doesn't have to be with lots and lots.
• 24:40
  Speaker 3: It doesn't have to be up front.
• 24:41
  Speaker 3: You don't have to have a podcast and tell people you've struggled with porn like I'm doing.
• 24:44
  Speaker 3: I never wanted to share this story.
• 24:47
  Speaker 3: This is why I tell you, like I never tried to create a business out of this, I never tried to create a ministry.
• 24:51
  Speaker 3: I don't want anybody to know that I'm broken this way, but when God starts to change you, you can't help but use the weakness in you to make the greatness of who he is even more elevated.
• 25:04
  Speaker 3: And this is what I want men to know is that you can quit, you can get help, you can change, and there's there's help in that.
• 25:12
  Speaker 2: I love that.
• 25:13
  Speaker 2: Well, the point you're hitting at, I think, so important, just to reiterate a little bit is you know, there's a lot of men out there that are probably, like, like we've said, feeling alone, right, they don't know where to turn to.
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: And I would imagine the conversion rate, so to speak and I don't maybe conversion's not the word, but you know to be converted to Christ, but I imagine the rate of men getting better, trying to do it on their own is astronomically different than the group setting like you're talking about.
• 25:44
  Speaker 2: And I think most men I think part of part of like society and upbringing, you know, especially 20, 30 years ago, is as men we were taught like, hey, if you're dealing with something, just you know, toughen up and deal with it, right, and no one needs to hear about it, you just got to deal with it.
• 26:01
  Speaker 2: And I think we as men often do that with a lot of things that we're going through Like I'm a man, I just got to deal with it, but we don't know how to deal with it.
• 26:09
  Speaker 2: What would you estimate, or how much bigger is the success rate of doing it in a group setting versus trying to do it on your own?
• 26:23
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean to try to quantify it is a little tricky, but I would say it's overwhelming.
• 26:28
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's overwhelming and I know that again just from personal experience of this like getting tripped up by this sin over and over, but keeping it between me and god, and again, what we find out is like so much of that is just pride as well.
• 26:42
  Speaker 3: You know, so much of that is just wanting to manage an image, yeah, and god's like.
• 26:47
  Speaker 3: Until you take that cross, though, until you bear that and and and share where you're at, in weakness, I can't quite yet help you yet because you're not ready for that.
• 26:57
  Speaker 3: You know, and I think, statistically in the, in the certifications and studies that I've seen, you know the guys that god kind of like heals almost instantly where he just changes your heart and they never suffer.
• 27:05
  Speaker 3: You know the guys that God kind of like heals almost instantly where he just changes your heart and they never suffer.
• 27:09
  Speaker 3: And, you know, fall and set back into that sin again is less than 5%, probably 2% to 3%, which means that 95% to 98% need strategy, they need help, they need community to get out of it, and so I think that those numbers probably are close to that.
• 27:27
  Speaker 2: Nick, yeah, well, that makes a lot of sense.
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: I love that you have a message of hope, cause I just feel like so many marriages nowadays you see the social media, you see all the crap like it's just people are like losing hope, like there's so many like we'll do posts on just the struggles that people are going through and I just there many comments.
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: That is like people are hopeless, like I just they're kind of giving up, they've just gotten not just lazy but they feel like there's nothing they can do to turn things around right so, like this is the way it is, there's nothing I can do.
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: My wife shut down, or my husband's just the way it like.
• 28:00
  Speaker 3: It's just there's no hope, and that's, that's heartbreaking it is, and I think it's why you know, even again for your audience maybe that hears this that that is not Christian or wouldn't identify with them.
• 28:12
  Speaker 3: What what Christians come with is a message of hope, a message of good news.
• 28:17
  Speaker 3: The good news is, all of those lies that you've believed, they don't have to stay true.
• 28:22
  Speaker 3: And sadly we have to say this to those who call themselves believers, because we too have been buying the lie for so many years that I'll never be able to quit this, that all men struggle this way, that you'll never be able to give this up.
• 28:35
  Speaker 2: There's lie after lie in there, and that's the adversary the adversary wants you to beat yourself up so much and think there's no hope for me.
• 28:43
  Speaker 2: I've already.
• 28:43
  Speaker 2: What I've done is too bad, and and I you know that is the evil side of things, wanting you to believe that and, like you said, the hopeful side of things is absolutely, you know.
• 28:55
  Speaker 2: That's why Christ came down and atoned for our sins is so that we can be forgiven.
• 29:00
  Speaker 3: Right, it's such great news.
• 29:02
  Speaker 3: It's such great news and it's not a lot of us go.
• 29:07
  Speaker 3: I want God to save me from eternal damnation.
• 29:11
  Speaker 3: But I'm probably just going to always struggle here and that will always be true to a point right.
• 29:17
  Speaker 3: But you're exactly right when you're explaining it this way, that the devil's messaging has to be differentiated from the truth of God's word.
• 29:25
  Speaker 3: And God says there is freedom in Christ, there is hope in him.
• 29:29
  Speaker 3: He will save you, yes, eternally, but he also wants to save you in your marriage and in your struggle with sin.
• 29:38
  Speaker 3: And he has given you the power that you didn't have before you came to him by giving himself to you through the Holy Spirit.
• 29:45
  Speaker 3: You have a power in Christ to do this.
• 29:47
  Speaker 3: But again, I will tell you we don't have the right strategy.
• 29:51
  Speaker 3: Men are needing step-by-step instructions.
• 29:54
  Speaker 3: It's not because we're done.
• 29:56
  Speaker 3: It's not because we're done, but we are just built in a way to say if you'll tell me how to win, I'll go do it.
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 30:03
  Speaker 3: But if you keep the strategy from me, we're going to go like I'm trying and I just don't know how.
• 30:08
  Speaker 3: And so we're going to like kind of grasp at straws and we'll try anything.
• 30:12
  Speaker 3: But guess what, when you try it without the right strategy, you will leave frustrated and you might be in your sin for 10 or 15 years, secretly alone with Jesus with it, because you don't know yet the right strategy.
• 30:25
  Speaker 3: And so we're trying to give people not only hope but like clear instructions, because I think so many men want that.
• 30:31
  Speaker 2: Well, there's such a freedom when you overcome that or get released from that I mean, regardless of what it is you're fighting as a man, but overcoming that there's such a freedom and happiness that happens when you overcome whatever it is you're trying to overcome, right, it's almost like it's almost like you know the chains are lifted off of you and you can.
• 30:53
  Speaker 2: You can enjoy and experience life like we're supposed to.
• 30:56
  Speaker 2: That's right.
• 30:58
  Speaker 3: It's kind of.
• 30:59
  Speaker 3: It reminds me of some of the comments that have been on some of your social media, as you guys have posted on this, and I want to write so many things there, but it's not my place.
• 31:06
  Speaker 3: But I keep thinking like they just they miss it, people that don't know Christ, they're missing so much of the truth of these answers here, thinking like it's harmless.
• 31:15
  Speaker 3: Well, what if my wife and I both want to do it, like yeah, they're, they're, they're being deceived and people don't want to hear that message.
• 31:23
  Speaker 3: It sounds really harsh to some and they go like who are you?
• 31:25
  Speaker 3: I'm don't want to hear that message.
• 31:33
  Speaker 3: It sounds really harsh to some.
• 31:33
  Speaker 3: They go like who are you?
• 31:33
  Speaker 3: I'm nobody, I'm a sinner, I'm somebody who's fallen too.
• 31:34
  Speaker 3: But I also realize something that they don't, which is that when you think that it's harmless, when you think that just because you do that together, that somehow that's good number one, it's not what signs proves, it's not what stats prove and it certainly isn't what god says is best for us, and we simply want to offer hope that in your marriage, what you've been robbing from it by going to pornography and all these other things, it can be redeemed, like your marriage and your sex life can be redeemed.
• 31:58
  Speaker 3: And again, this is why I just love you guys.
• 32:00
  Speaker 3: I love what you're doing, because what we need for men is to be able to not only have hope, to deal with this issue straight up like a man in community and get right.
• 32:10
  Speaker 3: But once they do, they're like, okay, but how do I do this right?
• 32:14
  Speaker 3: Because I've been off in my sexual fantasy land and now I have to somehow redeem this with real life.
• 32:22
  Speaker 3: How do I do that?
• 32:24
  Speaker 3: I think so much of what you guys are doing is just equipping people with that next level that I don't usually get into as much, which is so many of the tools and things that the app has that, again, I just push people to that because it's such a great tool.
• 32:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah, well, I think you know one of the great things is, you know, god has told us, he who has repented of his sins, the same is forgiven, and I have the Lord remember them no more.
• 32:48
  Speaker 2: So when we, when we get over it and we we repent, or we or we move past the things that we're struggling with, we're also promised that we can let it go.
• 32:54
  Speaker 2: And I think so many times it's a and you probably see this a lot of men struggling to let go of the things that they've struggled with and and holding onto that, or feeling like they're not worthy or things like that.
• 33:06
  Speaker 2: And I love again that, the, the support system that you have, um, and the.
• 33:10
  Speaker 2: You know, men, I guess binding together and helping each other overcome those things is absolutely, um, the way to do it.
• 33:19
  Speaker 2: And and I think it's just incredible.
• 33:21
  Speaker 2: So where can our audience members find you, uh, your podcast, get In the Fight if they want to reach out to you and also join the app?
• 33:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah, thank you.
• 33:36
  Speaker 3: Yeah, if you go to getinthefightclub that's the website You'll learn a lot more there.
• 33:41
  Speaker 3: You can read a lot more there.
• 33:43
  Speaker 3: In fact, like, if anybody's dealing with pornography in particular, we have a free resource there.
• 33:48
  Speaker 3: You can just go learn more, start there.
• 33:50
  Speaker 3: But there's a free resource called 50 of the top questions and answers that men have about quitting porn for good, and it's a really cool resource.
• 33:58
  Speaker 3: They can just download that for free there and just kind of start there if they want.
• 34:01
  Speaker 3: If they go to YouTube, they can look at the get in the Fight YouTube channel.
• 34:05
  Speaker 3: We do a podcast each week and, again, it's not always dealing with just pornography, it's just that bigger picture of being a better man, like being the man that got meant for you to be.
• 34:13
  Speaker 3: Those topics and ideas I think that's a cool free opportunity for guys to get connected.
• 34:18
  Speaker 3: I'm most engaged on Instagram and on X I say Twitter, but X as well.
• 34:26
  Speaker 3: But, yeah, learning more at getinthefightclub really lets you see the programs and opportunities.
• 34:31
  Speaker 3: And then there's a join button on the page where, if somebody wanted to be a part of the community for free, they simply will fill out an application.
• 34:39
  Speaker 3: When they click the join button, it comes directly to me.
• 34:42
  Speaker 3: I'll actually meet with every man one-on-one like this Awesome, I want it to be.
• 34:46
  Speaker 3: That's amazing.
• 34:47
  Speaker 3: Yeah, like we'll take the time to get guys involved because I want them to answer questions, I want to know that they're ready and I want them to see that this is like real life.
• 34:55
  Speaker 3: This isn't like I don't know.
• 34:57
  Speaker 3: We're not just trying to grow numbers.
• 34:59
  Speaker 3: You know.
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: We want to we want to impact men.
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: Do all of that at get in the fightclub.
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: Wonderful.
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: Well, I just have to say that you're helping every wife too.
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, this is a two-part thing, right.
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: Like you help the husbands, you're helping the wives, so you're helping everyone's incredible yes regardless of whether you're a husband or wife listening to this podcast.
• 35:20
  Speaker 2: This is, I mean, this is applicable for both of you.
• 35:23
  Speaker 2: So, um, um, re, reach out to Nate.
• 35:26
  Speaker 2: Uh, you'll be glad you did, don't don't hesitate.
• 35:30
  Speaker 2: And uh, you can also email us or contact us if you have any questions.
• 35:34
  Speaker 2: We can also put you in touch with Nate um and get in the fight.
• 35:37
  Speaker 2: And uh again, don't, don't hesitate, just go do it, right, well, we really appreciate you being on the podcast.
• 35:45
  Speaker 2: We could spend hours talking about this subject, but I think people are really, really going to enjoy this podcast and get a lot out of it.
• 35:53
  Speaker 2: So we really appreciate you sharing your experience and what got you to start up what you're doing, and thanks again for being on with us.
• 36:04
  Speaker 1: And we're going to have Nate back on, hopefully in the next two months, because me and.
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: Nate are working on a secret project, so we're going to announce that too.
• 36:13
  Speaker 2: That's right.
• 36:13
  Speaker 2: Secret projects are going to be great Out of the bag.
• 36:18
  Speaker 3: Thank you again for you guys.
• 36:19
  Speaker 3: Thank you for having me on, but again just thank you.
• 36:21
  Speaker 3: What a cool thing to partner with people who just have the same mission and values.
• 36:27
  Speaker 3: It's super, super cool.
• 36:28
  Speaker 3: Appreciate all that you guys are doing too.
• 36:30
  Speaker 3: Thank you.
• 36:31
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much and for all of you out there listening.
• 36:34
  Speaker 2: We hope this has been a great podcast for you and until next time, of course, we hope all of you have ultimate intimacy in your relationship.