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S3 E19 - Ohh...Canada! · The Steve & Jeff Show

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to the Steve and Jeff Show, the funniest podcast ever.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_01: Hey people, I don't write the words, I just read them.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_01: Be sure and follow or subscribe to the Steve and Jeff Show wherever you listen to podcasts.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_01: Write us a review while you're there, too.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_01: And now, here's Steve and Jeff.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_01: Well, hey Johnny, thank you.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_01: And Jeff, what a pleasure to be back in the studio on this beautiful night.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_01: It's finally getting nice, isn't it?
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, Jeff, last time we were talking that you'd be swinging pretty soon.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_01: Are you you starting to swing?
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_01: Do you get in the swing of things, eh?
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe, but speaking of swinging, Kenny said yes.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but not with me.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: She prefers to swing alone.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know what that means, but oh, I did that in the car all the time.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_01: But it but I digress.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_01: Go ahead.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: But anyway, swinging means baseball, which is one of my favorite things.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: And spring training has started.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: I'm very excited.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: Right around the corner will be opening day.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: And that tells me that winter's over once that happens.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, Jeff, I'm right with you.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_01: As of today, the Cubs are in a 15-way tie for the National League pennant.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_01: So you're telling me there's a chance.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, just I am so sick of winter.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_01: I can't wait for spring.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, spring is always so amazing here in Nebraska.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_01: It lasts for about 45 minutes.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_01: But otherwise, Jeff, you you had a good week?
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: I did have a good week.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: I had something happen that was great.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: And it kind of reminded me of when I was a kid.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: My uh grandchildren, you know, I have twin seven-year-olds, and they had grandparents' day where they could invite their grandparents.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: And it turns out I am one of the grandparents that was invited, which is great.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember when I was a kid, that was always such a special time.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: I I remember the first year I was in first grade, and we had grandparents' day.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: It was amazing, wasn't as good the second year and the third year.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: Well, third year.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but but yes, it was great fun.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: I was so proud of them, and it was also patriotic, which just made it even that much better.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_01: That's amazing.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I can imagine it was fun and educational.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_01: You'd get to watch all those little first graders learning about their king, but why why patriotic?
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_01: You remember Miss Banner?
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_01: I think you had a Miss Banner.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we I'm not sure it was the same Miss Banner, but I yeah, I think everybody had a Miss Banner in grade school.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, come on, that's that is well the twins have a Miss Banner too now, so see, it never stops, really.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_01: It just never does.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: So she's starting off class, and she starts off by telling the kids that she is an American.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I assume she's a real American, you know, not one of those DEI hires.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_01: You know, DEI, of course, means doesn't emulate Icarus.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_01: Well, and you know, that's so wrong.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_01: We all need to soar up to the sun, but I I I digress.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_01: Go on, go on.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: She begins by explaining that we are part of the greatest country ever, you know, kind of like the greatest podcast ever, which absolutely are.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_01: Which takes place in that same country, Jeff.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: That's oh it's so it's so exciting, but but go ahead, go ahead.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: I know she asked how many of them were Americans, and they all just kind of raised their hand, and Kathy and I were so proud, and we raised our hand too.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: And yeah, it was just a proud moment to be a part of this wonderful country.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: But the problem was there was one kid who didn't raise her hand, uh-huh.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I think her name was Kristen.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, I was a little suspicious when we first sat down.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I took a look at her and I thought there's something going on here, yeah.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: So, but so she didn't raise her hand, and Miss Banner, you know, wanting to be nice, she decided to ask her why she didn't raise her hand.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: And Kristen said, Because I'm not an American, you know, kind of said it like that.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: And Miss Banner, you know, again keeping her composure, said, Well, what are you then?
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: Little Kristen said, I'm a proud Canadian.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: Ah.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: And Miss Banner and and all of us, you know, we were a little pissed off, you know, because this is about being proud of America, not being proud of some other country.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: And so Miss Banner asked Kristen, why do you think you're Canadian?
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: Kristen said, My mom is Canadian, my dad's Canadian, so I'm Canadian too.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: Miss Banner, you know, now she's getting kind of pissed off and said, Yeah, that's not a good reason.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: What if your mom was a moron and your dad was a moron?
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: What would you be then?
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: And little Kristen looks at her and looks at the rest of the class and said, Then I'd be an American.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, what if she would be she'd be one of those DEI Americans, you know, didn't edge the iceman, you know.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, it was yet another yet another great moment spoiled by a Canadian.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_01: Jeff, your story makes a good point here.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_01: What is going on with Canada?
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, they used to be our friends, we used to love Canada, right?
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I went up there a bunch of times, and it's a country made of a lot of polite people, welcoming people who they love Timmy Hoes and the letter A, you know.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_01: But what what changed?
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: Things seem to really have changed, and not for the better either.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: Oh no, no.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: Fortunately, we have a president who you know he understands those things.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: He's the first one to discover that they were different, and you know, he's taking steps to to fix this.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_01: Is that the king you're talking about?
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I'm yeah, I'm talking about.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, okay, okay, okay.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_01: Just to be as transparent as we can be, our king held a press conference to announce that he was placing tariffs on Canada, and he explained why Canada is our new enemy.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_01: We're old enough to remember the Soviet Union and all the Cold War and all that.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_01: They're kind of like the new Soviet Union, but they're right here in North America.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_01: You know, a lot of people may not understand that, and some of those reasons are just shocking, if you ask me.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_01: We really should mention them on a show today.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_01: So our listeners, let's face it, Jeff, so the millions of listeners can gather all the information they can before they just support our king blindly and believe everything he says, because of course nobody would ever do that, right?
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_01: Of course, who would ever do it?
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_01: No, people wouldn't do that.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_01: No, of course not.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and a lot of people were not there for the press conference.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah, no.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_01: Well, yeah, half the press wasn't exactly.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, the associated press.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_01: I you know, they were driving around the White House, like you know, the whole elitist area.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I saw their car.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: Well, you know, when you have the enemy within, oh, there you go.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: That'll happen.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_01: You need to eat a bunch of garlic, I think, to really take care of that.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_01: I but but I digress.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_01: That's yeah, that's a hell show.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_01: We'll do a hell show later.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_01: But anyway, go ahead.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_01: Go ahead.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: The press conference started with our our brave leader starting by explaining that Canada isn't the same as it used to be, they're completely different, and that the main reason they're different is because of the royal family of Canada, the Trudeau family, because they're just bad people.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: That's what he said.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: He has a way with language, it's direct, it's sincere.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: So when he says they're bad people, you need to take Jeff notice.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_01: Jeff, he says it like it is, but you shouldn't really take what he says as is.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_01: You know what I'm saying?
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, he says what he means, but he doesn't really mean it.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: And then he explains that not only are the Trudeaux bad people, but the biggest mistake they made was they put their son, their ugly son, Justin.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's his nickname.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: I think our our leader gives nicknames to people, so it's like ugly Justin, he calls him.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: And oh you know he calls Melania must have hit on him.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, I guess I'm getting this now.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, could be.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: But the mistake was that the Trudeaux put the Obama loving and very ugly Justin in charge of running Canada.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I think I think Trump put it best when he said having Justin Trudeau run Canada is like letting Eric drive a car or use a can opener.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: That's incredibly dangerous and reckless and always goes wrong.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_01: I certainly would not let Eric use a can opener.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, I think the pardons made a can opener uh irrelevant, if you know what I mean, because everybody's out of the can now, but I digress.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that makes sense, except our king might be confused about Canada being run by the Trudeau family as a royal family.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, first of all, the royal family of Canada.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, there isn't technically a royal family of Canada.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_01: It's really the part of the Commonwealth is a royal family of Great Britain, and that royal family really holds no power in Canada and the Canadian government is part of the Commonwealth, but there isn't, you know, Commonwealth.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_01: Trudeau was elected to office, uh, not unlike our king.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_01: Well, about 250 million dollars less than our king, I suppose.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, I'm glad you corrected me, not him.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: You've corrected me.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, newly too.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: I wouldn't correct the king.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: But our leader does point out that these elections really don't mean anything anyway, because they're rigged.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: Because if if the elections were accurate and fair, then he would be starting his third term, not his second.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: You just have to look at the world through his eyes and his mouth.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: You just can't argue with that.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: In the next part of our fearless leader speech, he went into great detail on why Horrible Canada, which is also his nickname now for Canada.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah, aren't these nicknames great?
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_01: They're so I don't know, they're so like seventh grade instead of first grade.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_01: You know, they're really advanced, you know.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, or or even first grade during my third year of first grade.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, which is what most people would think of as you know, would be in seventh grade by that point.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_01: But you know, but anyway, go ahead.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so anyway, so he gives a couple examples, and and to be honest, they're bone chilling, they just scare the crap out of you about how uncooperative Canada is, refusing to listen to what we tell them to do.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: But right before he gave the examples, all the Republicans in the audience stood up and gave him a standing ovation.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_00: It was it was beautiful.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I bet that really was something.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_01: I I bet they all gave him one of those waves, right?
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_01: You know, those right arm waves.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, uh-huh.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_01: I did happen to see it.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't catch that part, but I did happen to see it later.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_01: And I I heard an example.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_01: The first example he gave was related to that drug fentanyl.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_01: You know, not ketamine or adderall, those are now mandatory.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_01: But fentanyl.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_01: Fentanyl is a crisis.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_01: Thousands of people die every year from from that drug.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_01: And what role does Canada play in killing people?
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, Jeff, a big one.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_01: A big one.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_01: R.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_01: King pointed out that about one in every 500 pounds of fentanyl comes into our country from Canada, from the through the Canadian border every year.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_01: That's 0.2% of fentanyl.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_01: 0.2%, Jeff.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_01: That enters our country from our enemy to the north.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_01: That's more than Luxembourg, the Marshall Islands, Grenada, and San Marino combined.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_01: You could probably throw Monaco in there too.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_01: Uh-huh.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_01: It's that bad.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_01: Even worse.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_01: Our king believes that these numbers are fake AI.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, for sure.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_01: His calculations with the help of Barron and some guy called Big Balls show that the real number is a hundred times higher, and it's actually 20% or 50,000 pounds of fentanyl.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: Unbelievable.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: I how did we get here, Steve?
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: I just don't understand it.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_00: You know, one minute they seem like such nice people, and the next minute they're killing our children.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not sure how it all happened either.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_00: And it gets worse from there.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: While obviously on a roll, he starts to go into other areas, and one of the areas was the trade deficit between the US and Canada, and that's completely out of control.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm getting so sick of countries selling us stuff but not accepting things in return.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, imagine they're selling us stuff.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, come on.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: It's horrible.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: He said that the deficit right now is$40 billion a year.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: That's crazy.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: That's just crazy.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: It's not sustainable and it's not acceptable.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: And as he points out, most of this stuff we don't even need.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: Things like oil and lumber and steel and natural gas.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: Who needs any of that stuff?
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: Just because more than half of all the oil we use in this country comes from Canada, that doesn't mean that we need a single drop from them anymore.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_00: You know, as long as we have coal and of course we have Tesla cars.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_01: I am so glad that our king is helping us become more efficient by getting rid of waste, fraud, and abuse, like you know, driving cars, building homes, and worst of all, eating those homes.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_01: This is the kind of smart thinking we've needed.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_01: We've always needed all along.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_01: But if I remember the press conference correctly, it didn't stop there.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_01: Because right after the press conference, Roseanne Barr, who, you know, of course, the new Secretary of Labor uh handed out a fact sheet.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_01: Of course, yeah, she's very reliable, and showed that just how out of control Canada is and why they need to be stopped.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_01: As Roseanne said, while our king kind of sat at a desk, Roseanne was kind of walking around the room wearing a hat, but she said, Yeah, what kind of fight would they put up?
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_01: Our guns and tanks against their hockey sticks and pucks.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, she said it'd be over in a day or two, and they'd be dancing in the streets in Toronto and they'd welcome us, like throwing flowers at us.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you know, maybe maybe she's right.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: I think we should demand respect.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: I don't even think they have an army.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: So and if they do, it's probably like a real polite one.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I bet, yeah.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: And then she goes into this fact sheet with all these other things that I seriously could not sleep that night.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_00: I was terrified at what this enemy from the north is doing to us.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's crazy.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_01: Let's just start with their horrible open border policy.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, they're letting us in.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, please, what is missing here?
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_01: A wall, obviously.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_01: Duh.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_01: And the best part is that Canada's gonna pay for it, according to our king.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_01: A free wall.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, yeah, you know, my Canadian lumber house is built with Canadian lumber.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't get any free walls.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, we're gonna get a free wall.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I know that sounds a little familiar, but it makes complete sense.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_00: And further in that report, it says that Canada sells us things that can kill us, so they're actually murderers.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_00: For example, Steve, Canadian maple syrup causes diabetes.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_00: You can't make this stuff up.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_00: Canadian bacon causes heart disease.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: Canadian club whiskey causes alcoholism, and Canadian geese, the avian flu.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_00: This is not a pretty picture, it's an all-out attack on us.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_01: Gosh, you know, I was at my mom's the other day and she had Canadian bacon and she put maple syrup on it.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_01: Of course, she was knocking back some Canadian whiskey.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_01: That's just that's like a trifecta of death.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_00: You know you don't even bacon.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_01: Canadian bacon is not, it's like uh it's ham.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_01: Come on.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: What is that?
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_01: You'd almost think they're selling us that stuff on purpose, like selling us stuff that we buy on purpose, you know?
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_01: But Jeff Jeff is there's actually more.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, what about Canadian sports?
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_01: I know you're a big sports guy, Jeff.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_01: Canadian sports.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_01: Ah, come on.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_01: Roseanne set us straight on that.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_01: They're a disaster, according to Roseanne.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_01: You know, for example, Canadians say they play American football.
• 14:50
  unknown: Uh-huh.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_01: But does anyone bring up that they use 12 men on the field and allow only three downs?
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_01: To me, that sounds like communism or maybe DEI.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_01: Down every interception, you know?
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_01: And and lacrosse, lacrosse, come on, another fake sport.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_01: That was actually started by Native Americans, so it's not even an American sport either.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_01: Uh-huh.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_01: And who plays lacrosse?
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_01: Ivy League kids who got better grades than our king.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_01: And we we got to show them, right?
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_01: That's right.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_01: At hockey.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, oh, don't get me started on hockey.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_01: It literally has a position called left winger.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_01: Very un-American, you know.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_00: Is that Biden?
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_00: Does Biden play that?
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_00: I bet he did.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_01: I bet I bet he set the rules for that.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_01: That was probably one of those orders he signed, right?
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_01: As he was leaving.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_01: And finally, oh, uh, this is maybe the worst.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_01: They they have a sport called curling.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_01: Curling.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_01: That sounds like a girls' game.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_01: And of course, by girls, I mean, of course, you know, girls.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_01: What do they do in curling?
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_01: What do they curl each other's hair?
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I think you know, come on, what is that?
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_01: It's not a sport.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_01: No, no, well, well, I you know, I had a girlfriend in high school who kind of curled their hair as a sport, but that's but I digress.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_00: As we continue to go on, it just is endless.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_00: And as I look at page three, it points out that Canada refuses to accept our products into their country.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_00: And the number one product that we make are handguns, right?
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_00: And they don't accept them.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_00: As a result, they rank like 12th in safety and you know, a safe place to live, which means a lack of freedom.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_00: That's a euphemism for a lack of freedom.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_00: We, on the other hand, are 382nd out of 393rd.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_00: That's how free.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_01: Now that's freedom.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_01: Freedom is the choice to be unsafe.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_01: And what about healthcare, Jeff?
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_01: It says here, I just paper that I'm reading.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_01: I I'm I did a printout of Roseanne's thing and says that Canada has a national health care system.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_01: Our king says that they forced good honest American companies like Bear, Pfizer, Merck to sell the same drugs we buy, but at a much lower price.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_01: That's just wrong and so un-American.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_01: They prevent companies from getting as many Canadian dollars as they can.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_01: If Canada just charge people, oh, I don't know 200% more for their drugs.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_01: Our king would have been able to afford bone spur anti-inflammatory medicine when he got drafted, which would have just allowed him to go to Vietnam and win that war for us, like just like Rambo.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_00: People don't realize that, they don't think about that.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_00: You are so right.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_00: And last but not least, this report points out all the bad celebrities that have crossed the border.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_00: You know, if we had a wall, we could keep them out, but and they come every year, and and it's the worst of the worst.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's made up of, you know, they empty the jails in Canada in Toronto and Montreal and psychiatric hospitals in Calgary and acting schools in uh Vancouver, probably.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, Vancouver, yeah, probably there.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_00: And and don't get me started about Vancouver.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_00: So there's Vancouver Canada and Vancouver, Washington.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_00: I think they stole that name.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_00: What oh yeah, come up with their own names of cities.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, come on, we had Vancouver first.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_00: It's crazy.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I I don't mean to fall off the oh whatever.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_01: You mean you you you mean you digress?
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_00: I I was just about to say I was digressing, but you know, I didn't really know how digressing feels.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_00: Well, it feels pretty good, you know.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_01: It so I can only do it, you know, nine, ten times a day, and then you know, I kind of get tired anymore, but yeah, it actually feels pretty good.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_00: This whole thing about crossing the border, it all started during Vietnam when we had Americans that crossed the border in Canada and they didn't do anything about it, but in turn, they sent all of their people down to us.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_00: It was wrong then and it's wrong now.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_00: But as an example of some of the I I don't know how to put it any other way, but Canadian bacon eating scumbags, I'll give you an example.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_00: Eric McCormick, Canadian actor, Canadian actor, yeah.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_00: He was in Will and Grace, which was about a show about gay men who live in America, right?
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_00: You know, yeah, you can't have that.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, well, that yeah, you'll notice that's not on the air anymore.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_00: No, thank God.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you know, and Michael J.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_00: Fox, you know, he's Canadian, you know, and he he does back to the future, but is he making the future better or or the past better?
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_00: No, I don't think so.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and Shania Twain, another Canadian, yeah, you know, she's perpetuating the trans community all the way back, you know, 15 years ago when she did the song Man, I feel like a woman.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_00: Come on, an early ally, huh?
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_00: It's just horrible.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_00: And then maybe the worst of all of them is Neil Young.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_00: So, Steve, what do you think of when you think of Neil Young?
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I think you know, Four Dead in Ohio.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_00: Come on, yeah.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_00: Or or or the South, right?
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_00: Southern men.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_01: Southern men, yeah.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_00: What the hell does he know about southern men?
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_00: Was he talking about like Niagara Falls?
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, Southern Canada, or you know, I don't know, but it's it's just completely wrong.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_00: And even if they don't send people over, they openly bash us.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, you remember the the the group Guess Who?
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_00: Which is oh, absolutely, yeah.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_00: Uh you know, that song, that anti-American song, anti-woman song, American Woman.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I just don't know why we've accepted this after all these years.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_01: It was such an eye-opening report.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_01: I'm glad that we were able to tell me too, our listeners, the millions out here, all about this and and why things have changed so much with Canada.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_01: I guess, Jeff, I guess, you know, we were kind of like Canada, but I guess I guess we were wrong about Canada, Jeff.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_01: But you know, I did see that within a day or two after our king put tariffs on Canada, he took them off.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, at least for now, because they agreed to keep doing what they'd been doing for about a year.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_01: So he said, okay, good.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, so that was that.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_00: But and it certainly has had a positive effect on the stock market.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_00: You know, they love it.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_01: People love on and off tariffs.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah, it's just it's just so it so makes you feel so good about putting money into stuff, you know.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_01: So maybe there's hope.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_01: I I I I'd sure love to be friends again with Bob and Doug McKenzie and share a moose or a Molson and some back bacon, you know.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_01: It sounds like fun.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_01: I might even put maple syrup on it, you know?
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_01: What the heck?
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_00: Me too.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_00: I feel in good hands, don't you?
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_00: That you know, we have identified the problem and our fearless leader is going to solve that problem for us.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I just don't know how anything can go wrong.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_01: I can't imagine anything could go wrong.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_01: I think we've really got everything solved.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't want to go off on a tangent one more time here, but oh go ahead.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, stop now.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_00: You know, let me yeah, let me give you a quiz.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, let me give you a quiz.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, what is the language that they speak in France?
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, that would be French.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_00: What language do they speak in Italy?
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_00: That would be Italian.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_00: And what language do they speak in Spain?
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_00: That would be Spanish.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_00: And what language do they speak in Canada?
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, they don't speak Canadian.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_01: Well, they kind of do speak Canadian, but it's it's Sort of like English and French, and you know, yeah.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's it's English.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_00: Who gave them permission to use our language?
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it's probably that Commonwealth, but but come on, didn't we get the language in 1776?
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, come on.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I don't know that.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_00: Where did you read that?
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_01: I think our king said that that we own the language now.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_01: And that we should yeah, and we can charge a royalty for them speaking of royal, we can charge a royalty for them using our language.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_01: So, you know.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_00: I just think there's a lot to be angry about with Canada.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_01: You know though, Jeff, if we amend things with Canada and we and we don't keep this hate going and we don't build the wall and all that.
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_01: You know, the king needs an enemy.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_01: The king's gonna have to find another enemy.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_01: Who are you thinking?
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I'm not gonna break the prime directive, but I I I do kind of know the future, and let me just say Denmark.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_01: I think it's Denmark.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_01: Because you know, think about Denmark, they are so DEI.
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_01: Danish eating ice cream, no, come on, and then there's that whole Greenland thing.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_01: Oh you know, stay tuned, Denmark.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_00: What is that region called Scandinavia?
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_00: Oh right?
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, come on, yeah, you know, they're just thieves and losers good looking, good looking though.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_01: But oh yeah, but thieves and losers and yeah, oh, and they have great movies if you like if you like kind of dark brooding, you know, violent stuff.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_01: It's uh you know, it's kind of good, but which which I do.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I just kind of reminds me of times with my mom, you know.
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_00: So it's yeah.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I think it's about time that somebody stood up to that country, but they become very aggressive too, right?
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, the Danish Danish these days.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, come on.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_01: Who gave them the right to name pastry after themselves?
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_01: Come on.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_01: Come on, exactly.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, the Bismarck was around before the Danish, wasn't it?
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_01: Ooh, really should be German, shouldn't it?
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_00: That's right.
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_00: I think we just need to stand up to all these countries.
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_00: The ones that don't show any sign of aggression, they're the most dangerous.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_01: You know, just because Denmark is all real peaceful and friendly and has nice things and one of the happiest countries in the world.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, don't let that fool you.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_01: No, no, no, no, no.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_01: They're next on the list.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_01: But yeah, Jeff, you know, we're just about to get kicked out of eccentric Ladyland Studio, so you know, we probably should wrap it up.
• 24:13
  SPEAKER_01: But I am so glad that we're able to really shine a light on this and get the real story out there, you know, because there's so much going out there that is so good that we're able to really give the truth.
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_00: I feel better.
• 24:26
  SPEAKER_00: I feel safer to know that every day there's a new enemy that's being thwarted by our leader.
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_00: Well, Jeff, now created and destroyed.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_01: Well, now now, Jeff, keep in mind as you feel safer, you're less free.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_00: God, it's such a trick bag.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_01: I know, I know.
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_01: We'll have to deal with that in the next show.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_01: But anyway, Jeff.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe the problem is, Steve, that we're just thinking too much.
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_00: Why don't we just, you know, just turn it over and let him drive for a while?
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_01: I'm pretty sure that's what the king wants, so we'll just bow down like you know, the media and everybody else.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_01: We'll just, you know, what the heck.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_01: So we'll have to pick this up on the next show, but I'll see you.
• 25:03
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, you have a good rest of the week, Jeff.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_01: You too.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, Johnny, get us out of this Oh Canada show.
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_01: Right, Steve?
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_01: And thank you for remembering, eh?
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_01: Guests of the Steve and Jeff Show stay at the famously outdated yet inconveniently located Harney Hotel.
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_01: If you feel unwell, you're at the Harney Hotel.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_01: And guests receive a tasty buffet of fine Canadian products, including poutine, French fries with gravy, and maple soap Canadian bacon.
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_01: Wash down with a molsa.
• 25:33
  SPEAKER_01: You'll give this buffet a triple eh?
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_01: This has been a looking for scapegoats production in association with massive distraction media.
• 25:41
  SPEAKER_01: Read all about Steve and Jeff at their website, stepjeff.com.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_01: This is Johnny speaking.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_01: I sure hope we work things out with Canada.
• 25:51
  SPEAKER_01: Steve's mom and I take a lot of medications, and that weekly trip to the border saves us thousands.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_01: But it takes forever since there's so many in the US there.
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, Canada.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_01: We stand online for you.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_01: Good night!