Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / "So I left the Narcissist, NOW WHAT?"

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"So I left the Narcissist, NOW WHAT?" · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, Beautiful people.
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  Today we're going to be answering the question.
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  You left the narcissist. Now what?
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  Literally the question is, I left the narcissist.
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  Now what? What do I do?
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  Where do I go? Yeah.
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  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a self aware narcissist. And welcome to another episode
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  of The Narcissist Code. So boom, welcome back folks,
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  welcome back, welcome back. Yes, that's the question, isn't
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  it? That is the question.
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  Another question is, have y'all checked out my kids book on
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  Amazon? Remember, it's not your fault.
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  It's available on Amazon. It's a book.
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  It's a conversation starter with your kids about touch,
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  relationship dynamics, setting boundaries and good things like
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  that. But Yep, Yep, Yep.
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  Narcissistic people. Like when you leave, what do you
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  do? That's the question y'all.
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  Y'all won't see the thumbnail. I left the narcissist, now what?
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  You you heal. I mean I know that sounds super
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  simplistic but you start the healing process.
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  You start to prepare like you. A lot of times you have to start
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  to like you have to start the preparation for the healing
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  process while you're still in the relationship, while you're
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  still an active participant within the relationship space.
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  It's wise to make plans on how to heal, how to grow, how to
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  escape, how to move forward and things like that.
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  Because those questions are going to permeate through your
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  life. Y'all, those questions are going
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  to just come out. Those questions are going to
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  hammer away. And because so many people don't
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  have the answers to those questions, they stay a lot
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  longer. I'm scared to leave because I
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  don't know what I'm going to do. I don't know go.
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  I don't know where I'm going to go.
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  I don't know who's going to want to be with me.
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  I don't know who going, who's going to be my friends.
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  I don't know how I'm going to make money.
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  I don't know how I'm going to do this.
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  Make a plan, yo. Those who plant like if you plan
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  to fail, you fail to play. Those who fail to plan, you're
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  planning to fail. You need to make a plan.
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  I know sometimes. I know sometimes people
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  situations going to be different.
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  You don't have time to make make a plan.
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  The narcissist is losing their mind.
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  They don't pulled out a weapon they'd have done.
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  They're threatening you. They you.
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  Sometimes you got to leave on the spot, right?
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  But sometimes, like I say, when you have a chance to make a
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  plan, make a plan. I'm not saying make a rash
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  decision. Just I'm leaving right now with
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  nothing. Have I heard have I heard that
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  people leave like that? Yes, I've heard that people have
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  left like that before. I've heard that same thing
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  people like I didn't, I left with my clothes, with the shirt
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  on my back, the my shoes and my socks.
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  That's all I had. And I'm now I'm still grinding,
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  I'm still trying to rebuild. I'm still trying to rebuild
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  myself. I'm still trying to work on
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  myself. I'm still trying to do this.
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  I'm still trying to do that. That type of stuff happens,
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  right? That type of stuff.
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  Open people's eyes up like you have to make a plan.
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  I left. Now what?
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  Now you plan before you leave. You know what I'm saying?
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  But if you already left, plan to heal.
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  How? Like what modality are you going
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  to use to heal? What modality are you planning
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  on using to heal and get it to stay away?
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  Well, modality that means is like you could be no contact,
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  right? No contact is a healing
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  modality. It requires you to.
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  It's in the sand. It's no contact.
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  It's absolutely no contact. No contact means no access to
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  you. It means you cut off access to
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  them as well. It means you can't peek at their
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  social media. It means you can't scroll up and
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  down their stuff and wonder what they I mean, you can wonder what
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  they're doing, but you can't look it out.
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  You can't seek them out. That's breaking no contact
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  because there's contact. Your eyes are contacting their
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  social media platform, your ears are contacting their voice notes
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  or whatever it may be. Your eyes are reading the text
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  messages or whatever it may be. In that situation, no contact
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  means no contact. It just absolutely does, y'all.
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  This is something that you have to face.
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  What modality are you going to be using when you escape and to
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  stay away? Are you going to join a support
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  group? Are you going to be be added on
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  your own? Are you going to move?
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  This is something that you can plan.
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  This is a lot of the stuff you can plan before you leave, like
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  where you going to live in things like this?
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  How you going to make money? I don't know if you already have
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  a job or whatnot. Some people who haven't worked
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  in 10/15/20 years, they don't know how they're going to make
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  money. So it's a little bit more
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  difficult for them to leave sometimes because they don't
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  know what comes next. Explaining the 20 year gap on
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  the resume is kind of tough, right?
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  You know what I'm saying? Explaining the 30 year gap, it's
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  kind of tough. It's it's, it's Hard Out Here.
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  Yeah, it really, it can be, it can be very hard.
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  It can be very, very difficult and whatnot.
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  So that's the thing I tell people like healing, growing,
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  being able to breakthrough, being able to get away and
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  whatnot. That's, that's that's step one.
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  But what do you do when you leave?
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  You plan to stay away most times.
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  Look, don't look, don't leave if you plan on going back.
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  Don't don't play the little I'm going to leave to try to get
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  them to change game that doesn't work because then you if they
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  don't change you start questioning your worth.
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  You start. Well, I guess I wasn't worth
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  enough for them to change. My cheeks must not have clapped
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  as good. No, that has nothing to do with
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  you. Like their choice to go get help
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  is not, it can't be centered around you because if their
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  choice to go get help is centered around you, that means
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  you might feel obligated to stay.
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  Because if you leave, they stop going to therapy, they stop
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  doing work. So it can't be about you
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  regardless. Don't attach your don't, do not
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  attach your worth or your value to whether or not they go get
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  help because that doesn't serve you at all.
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  How does that serve you? Hit me again, Hit me with it.
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  How does that serve you at all? It does.
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  It does it. You see what I'm saying?
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  This is the mentality that so many people have to face and
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  kind of go through right here as well.
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  I do want y'all. I want y'all to win.
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  I really, really do this. One of the things I tell people
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  I want victories for all of y'all.
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  I just do. This is something I want y'all
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  to do soon as I'm making this video.
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  Just like, OK, I've left, now what?
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  Now you heal, now you grow, now you thrive.
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  Y'all, you left, now what? It's like you like you a little
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  you didn't you, you. What was that like you a
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  tadpole. You didn't flopped out of the
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  toxic ocean, the narcissistic sea.
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  You're a tadpole flopping on the beach.
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  Now, now what do I do? I'm flopping.
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  You breathe, You enjoy the peace, the calmness, and then
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  you grow legs and run, run off into the woods before the before
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  the other for the the predators go out the water and get you.
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  You know what I'm saying? You run into the woods very
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  fast. You're amphibian.
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  You've you're you're a relationship amphibian, You,
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  you, you, you survived in the treacherous, treacherous waters
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  of toxicity, but now you're on a land of freedom and and health
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  and love your relationship amphibian.
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  Y'all better not use that anywhere else.
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  Like if you, if you got that, if you got that analogy, drop it
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  like a frog emoji in the compensation.
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  Please drop a frog emoji. Just know how you got that.
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  But yes, you heal, you thrive, you experience love for
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  yourself. You give yourself all the love
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  that you were giving that person.
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  Give it to yourself. Why a lot of times, y'all, why
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  are we so scared to love ourselves?
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  Why are you so scared to love yourself?
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  There's a question you have to answer right here, y'all.
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  This your, this your homework. This is your homework right
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  here. This is your narcissistic
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  homework. Why are you scared to love
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  yourself? Because that's important right
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  there. That's extremely important.
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  You're so scared because a lot of times in these situations,
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  you get, you've, you, you don't know how to love yourself.
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  The narcissist convinced you or your toxic parents or whoever
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  you've been dealing with has convinced you that you're not
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  worthy of love, you're not worthy of care, you're not
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  worthy of affection and whatnot. You're not worthy.
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  You see what I'm saying? You're not.
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  They make you, they try to convince you that you're not
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  worthy, but you absolutely are. You are absolutely worthy.
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  You really, really are, you know what I'm saying?
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  I'll be rooting for y'all. I'll be rooting for y'all.
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  Like shout out to everybody who came into my workshops over the
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  past weekend in Dallas and Houston.
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  Had an amazing time meeting y'all.
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  I really, really did y'all. I was, I had amazing time
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  meeting y'all. We might have some virtual, we
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  might have some virtual workshops.
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  Narcissistic robot rebooting. Talking too fast right now.
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  Mike has a couple of virtual workshops coming up in pretty
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  soon y'all, so be on the lookout for those.
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  You can join my newsletter at mentalillness.net.
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  It's been scrolling across the bottom of the screen every few
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  minutes. Mental illness.net.
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  Join the newsletter because y'all get first dibs in a
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  discount the the online works. The online workshops won't be
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  expensive, but then we come into a city near you.
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  We are. Because when you like what I
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  left the narcissist, now what? Join a workshop, join a support
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  group like Joy. Like I said, I mentioned
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  modalities earlier. If you have kids, what's this Co
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  parenting schedule? You see what I'm saying?
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  What, what contact app app are you going to be using?
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  What modality are you going to do to break the trombone?
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  Are you going to be doing Gray rocking, yellow rocking biff
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  method BIFF? Keep it brief, keep it
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  informative, keep it firm and keep it friendly.
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  Are you going to do that? What method are you going to use
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  because those are important Jade method justify.
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  I got to look it up. JADE.
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  My mind went blank out. My mind is going blank today.
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  I hurt my back over there. If y'all in the North Carolina
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  area, I need a gym partner. I go to I workout in Durham, NC.
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  Y'all you e-mail me. I'm a Durham workout guy.
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  I need a workout partner. I go to one of the O2 Fitnesses
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  around here in Durham and Planet Fitness sometimes too.
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  Just depends. But yes, narcissistic people.
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  Y'all toxic people. What do you do when you leave?
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  You heal, you grow, you get over that fear.
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  But when you get out of it, you'll be scared.
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  It's sometimes people are scared to be by themselves.
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  Sometimes people don't know how to love themselves.
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  Some people don't like some people.
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  You just don't know. Yeah, there's a, it's a, it's a
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  kids movie. It's a family movie, but you can
• 10:00
  refer to it as a kids movie. It's one of those kids movies,
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  one of one of the one of the night at the museum movies,
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  right? There's always a lesson in the
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  kids movie, isn't it? It was Ben Stiller and Robin
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  Williams at the end of the movie.
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  Ben Stiller thought he would get fired the next day because you
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  know, he was like the museum night guard or whatever and
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  Robin Williams was display and Ben Stiller said this is the
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  lesson right here. Y'all?
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  Ben Stiller was about to cry. He's like, I have no idea what
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  I'm going to do tomorrow, Robin Williams said.
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  How exciting. Y'all give me chill bumps?
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  I get chill bumps thinking about that.
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  How exciting. I have no idea what I'm going to
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  do when I leave. How exciting.
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  That fear can break you down, or that fear can excite you.
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  You get the chance to do everything that you've been
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  wanting to do. You get the chance to live how
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  you've been wanting to live. You get the chance to do what
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  you've been wanting to do, to love yourself, to give to
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  yourself. Go out there and find love from
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  someone else. Eventually that reciprocates it.
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  It's crazy. That's what he said.
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  That's what he that's what he said right there.
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  That's what Robin Williams said the line is.
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  The line is even better. When I tell you the very first
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  Robin Williams line, he said it's time for your next
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  adventure. They still say, I have no idea
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  what I'm going to do tomorrow. How exciting.
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  Whoa, they gave me some fireball.
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  I'm telling you, that lights me up right there.
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  That lights me up. It's time for your next
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  adventure. That's why like I feel like a
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  lot of people in American can need that right now because we
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  have everybody Doom and the loom had the the cloud over America.
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  I feel like yeah, I'll get excited after the 20/20/2012
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  2016 20/20/2024 I'll get excited after these times.
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  Time for my next adventure. It's time for yours.
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  You don't know what you're going to do.
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  How exciting. Find excitement it go do what
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  the hell you want to do. Sometimes there's excitement and
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  not knowing you can do everything.
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  There's no limits now you have no limits.
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  The limits have been removed and they can be scary to some people
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  like is it kind of like Forrest Gump when he's running and his
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  his braces fell off his legs. He know how fast he could go.
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  Then it's then he ran across the whole damn country.
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  It had a crowd behind him. Run Forrest, run.
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  Anyways, y'all make sure you do join the newsletter and mental
• 12:20
  illness.net check it out. Like I said, online workshop
• 12:22
  coming up here pretty soon with Miss NIA Renee how to love about
• 12:25
  a woman. Appreciate y'all like and
• 12:27
  subscribe to this channel and as always, but to this is out
• 12:29
  peace. Thank you so much for making it
• 12:31
  to the end of my video. I truly appreciate every single
• 12:33
  one of y'all. If you haven't already hit that
• 12:35
  subscribe button y'all it's it don't cost you nothing.
• 12:38
  It don't cost the thing. If you want to send in your
• 12:41
  story to be broken down or sending some text messages, you
• 12:44
  can do that at info@mentalillness.net or you
• 12:48
  can send me a short voicemail brief voicemail to 855-432-5637.
• 12:55
  I love interacting with y'all. I love breaking these stories.
• 12:57
  Now thank y'all so much. I will see y'all in the next
• 12:59
  reaction video. Peace.