Latest / The Family Teams Podcast / Ep. 146 | Who Is the Star of the Show?

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Ep. 146 | Who Is the Star of the Show? · The Family Teams Podcast

• 0:00
  He was just like kind of like that's what the table was gravitating towards and centering towards and so he just knew like if I want to speak up I better have like something good to say, right? Hey guys, welcome to the five minute fatherhood podcast I'm your co-host jeff beth key along with my friend and mentor jeremy prior Join us monday through friday as we chat about quick tips skills and ways to help equip you On your journey as a father to build your multi-generational family team on mission. Stay tuned
• 0:33
  What's up, guys? Welcome to another 5-Minute Fatherhood. So we're trying to build a multi-generational family. One of the traps that we're going to talk about that you can avoid is, and I don't know if you ever thought about this, my friend Steve Emanuel over at Abraham's Wallet made this statement on their podcast. I love what they're doing over there.
• 0:52
  to try to help families become more multi-generational. I absolutely love, they're very much aligned with what we're talking about here. But Steven mentioned on that podcast that when families get together, who is the star of the show? Who does everyone just sort of like orbit around? It's always the youngest kids.
• 1:11
  And one of the things he pointed out, which I thought was just a brilliant observation, and I certainly have seen this as well, is that in ancient cultures, it was the opposite. Imagine this. When the family got together, everyone orbited around the oldest person in the family.
• 1:26
  How did this happen? Like, we went from the absolute oldest to the absolute youngest. And obviously, like, I get it. Like, we love babies. We love kids. But the fact is that we need our elders to be honored if we're going to gain the wisdom of the generations. And so if you—we need to resist this sort of cultural shift—
• 1:48
  quite a bit. And that means that when you have a large family gathering with this extended family, it takes a lot of intentionality to make the elders of the family the center. And they're oftentimes not going to fight for that space. And if they're not honored properly, and if our
• 2:07
  trained to sit quietly when their grandparents are sharing or telling stories, then they'll probably just shut that part of themselves down and everyone will just sort of orbit the little kids and we'll all miss out on that wisdom. And so one really practical way that we've oftentimes encouraged you guys to do this is to come up with different prompts. One of the ways that I've just recently...
• 2:29
  Yeah.
• 2:49
  And so about halfway through the dinner, I sort of sort of calmed everybody down, you know, ding your glass and say, hey, guys, I got a I got a question. And I especially want to hear we're going to start with the oldest members of the family and sort of work our way down. What is a memory from your childhood during the summer? What were summers like for you? And if you have stories about your parents and their summers, what were those like?
• 3:10
  Well, you know, that's all it took. That's an awesome question. Because the elders of the family just started sharing incredible stories, stories that I'd never heard, stories that our kids have never heard. So simple. But man, they're honored. We're blessed. And we're beginning to shift back to making the elders of the family more of the center of the extended family gathering. So really simple tip for how to do that. But I really thought this observation was important for us to grapple with. But yeah, Jeff, what are your thoughts about this one?
• 3:38
  Yeah, I don't have much to add on this one, except I think of a funny little anecdote where a friend of mine, John Luke Robertson, you might know him, the Duck Dynasty family, the Robertson clan. They're awesome, good friends. But I remember talking to him just like a year or so ago when they were over and we were just talking about his family and they just have such a strong unit and they're such a team and they're large. Right. And they have kind of this multigenerational aspect.
• 3:58
  And I remember just asking him like what it was like growing up and stuff like that. And I remember he was just making comments to this effect that a lot of their strength in their family, he said, is that their table was so strong and rich in regards to story. And he said it was actually the opposite where kids, not that it was like you couldn't speak, but he actually said it was more of like an intimidating thing where he was like, when you were a kid at their table growing up, you actually had to like have a really good story or else like you shouldn't talk.
• 4:23
  Like it was basically like, because there were such good stories happening from the older people. And there were such good stories help happening from, you know, the patriarchs and the matriarchs and the oldest generation. He was just like, kind of like, that's what the table was gravitating towards and centering towards. And so he just knew like, if I want to speak up, I better have like something good to say. Right. When I think the American way is a little bit of the opposite of like, you know, the baby just gets all the attention with just the goo goo gaga, you know, they're not doing anything right now. Again, we know we love babies. That's different. There's a level there. Of course, we love children. We want to.
• 4:51
  I think it's actually really beautiful to actually also have them speak and give them space at the table so that they feel welcomed and affirmed. But there's an orbiting force that should point towards the oldest generation at the table. That's honoring. It serves everyone. And honestly, our kids love it. Our kids come alive most at the table during like fun story time like that. And Kinsley, especially our oldest.
• 5:11
  Like she'll want to stay there for like two hours. Like we'll be, we'll like want to start doing dishes and she'll just think of another. There's some nights where we do, it's like where she gets to just keep asking questions, right? Where she gets to ask the prompts and she gets to keep thinking and she'll just go on and on. She'll just say, well, what about this? And what about this? And when you were this old and I'm just like, okay, I think that's that let's save those for next week, you know? Um, but it's like, I love it. And I think that's really, really important. And you'll see that your kids come alive when there's that proper kind of trickle down of multi-generational living.
• 5:40
  Hey guys, if you like this short content on 5-Minute Fatherhood, then you're going to love long-form interviews that Jeremy and I do with other dads just like you over at Dads Building Teams. We go much more in-depth hearing the stories, challenges, and journeys of different dads who are trying to build multi-generational teams on mission. Just go to whatever podcast platform you use and search for Dads Building Teams.