Latest / Man In Your Corner with Shaun Tucker / Ep. 68 | Mastering Mental Fitness: Finding Calm Amidst Chaos as a Founder Dad
Transcript
- Shaun: Welcome back to the reset episode 68 with me, Sean Tucker, as your host. How often do you operate from a place of chaos versus being in the eye of the storm? We just had a storm rip through here where I live in Melbourne and it wasn't a crazy storm, but there was a moment where I took my dog for a walk and it went dead silent. It went dead quiet. There was no rain. There was a little bit of sun and it was calm. It was actually really pleasant to walk in. What's funny is I didn't plan for that at all, but I did just get off the phone with a client that I had a while back. And one of the things that's stopping this client from moving forward is not just taking action, is actually facing the fear on the action that they need to take to move forward. because everyone is taking action. Action in thought, action in feeling, action in actually taking one step in front of the next one, but is it in alignment with your highest, almost? your highest timeline. I'm going to use that word. I don't usually use that word. But what I mean by that is the identity that you want to become, the life that you want to live. Because this brain, this mind that you're that you're always with is manufacturing your reality. It is the thing that is manifesting it, but it's not in the way that you think. how you feel is what you're attracting. But if you can't think of a greater reality than the one you have, you're gonna keep on getting the same same old, day in day out. So you first need to be able to think differently to attract in something better. Anyways, coming back to my point, is it better to be in the chaos of it or actually being in the calm? I'll let you answer that. I'll let you sit with that. Because for me, being in the eye of that storm was peaceful. It allowed me to see clearly not only what the thing was that's stopping this client from moving forward, but being able to hold them in a way that allows them to see it too. This is the art of coaching and also the science because you can't create a transformation unless you've created that transformation for yourself. And the process that I took this client through was something that I did 10 years ago. I was wanting to ask my father-in-law, who is now my father-in-law. father of my girlfriend that I had intentions to marry her and I wanted to ask him for his blessing. Not on the phone but simply to let him know that this was my intention. You know at this point we were together for already three years. I was in Germany on a university exchange program for a year. Girlfriend was in Japan, working away, and I wanted to know, I wanted to let him know that this was my intention. I was gonna marry his daughter and I wanted to get his blessing. And so I played that track, I still have it. I played that track to my client and they sat there and they literally heard the shakiness in my voice, the anxiety, the... uncertainty, the fear in my voice. And I played that because it allowed them to see that I'm human too. If I want to go get what I want, I've got to face and overcome those things that holding me back. And it's those little permission pieces that give other people, especially a client's permission to do just like what you have. But very often we hide these things, we keep them to ourselves because they're too personal, they're too vulnerable. And this is the thing about containment. When things are contained, right, you have every right to use whatever you have to use to help that person see that they're human too, that you are human as well. This is the beauty of coaching, but it's also what gets people into trouble. right? Because if you use it without containment, it's that storm that just rips shreds through the streets and through people's lives because it's coming from a place that is just chaos. There's no containment in that storm. Being in the eye of the storm allows you to see everything clearly, allows you to be calm as well as charged. And having that awareness and maintaining that awareness allows you to create and facilitate from a place of being detached from any outcome. I if I was that storm, I wouldn't know if that house in front of me is going to get ripped into shreds or if it's going to be spared. It's not my decision. It's not even in my power to make it happen and make it rip into shreds. It is my job to just keep spinning, keep going, maintain that level of chaos. If you get caught in the chaos, well, that's not my fault. And I think this is where it gets really dangerous, especially in the coaching space. Because there are people out there who have these really powerful stories and are able to really facilitate the vulnerability that a lot of people need to create a transformation. but they actually use that vulnerability to manipulate and get something out of that person. They don't have the antiquity and the integrity. to show that person that I'm human to. Because that's what it's all about. It's about growth of the human being. Compassion means you're able to hold space for someone and allow them to suffer in that space. You have a safety net dropped to them. Shall they choose to take the leverage and pull themselves up? That's up to them. giving an illusion of a safety net or a path and then just leaving them to rot and die, that is a really dangerous combination. That is really coming from a place of taking and not giving. Which is how we've ended up in this mess in the coaching space and also probably in the planet. Eradicating most of the species. no matter which level, if it's micro or macro level. And the environment is so key to sustaining what you have. But if you're not giving back to that environment, then it's just going to rip everything to shreds. And it's going to continue to destroy. And eventually, you'll get found out for it. So my tip of today is be in the calm of the storm, maintain your cool, maintain your breath, notice what's coming up for you, and be with it. Be in it. but don't get sucked through it with them. Understand that their story is just a part of you. And being part of you means you can assimilate, you can digest it. And if you have the ability to digest it, it means they do too. You just have to show them that it's safe. it's safe to take the next step. and I'm here meeting them where they're at, showing them that I've got their hand. that's what coaching means to me. It's holding someone's hand and maybe encouraging them to move forward. That's all. So if you found value in today's episode, I invite you to share it with one person. And if you are looking for someone to hold your hand in that step that you feel like you need to make, and in many cases, fear is the thing that's holding you back, put yourself in the arena just like this guy over here. If he can do it, you can do it too. And if you're looking for someone to really hold your hand, make sure you message me because I only take on three clients per month. Thanks for tuning in and I look forward to seeing you in tomorrow's episode.