Latest / Mom2Mom MENTORING - Work/Life Harmony, Soul-Care, Kingdom Minded Moms / Systems That Transform Your Home From Chaos To Calm with Katie Welch

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Systems That Transform Your Home From Chaos To Calm with Katie Welch · Mom2Mom MENTORING - Work/Life Harmony, Soul-Care, Kingdom Minded Moms

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Trauma comes in all shapes and sizes.
It affects us all in different ways.
When the trauma of abandonment and divorce hit our family, I would fall into my bed night after night, emotionally, physically, and spiritually exhausted.
I understood what David meant in Psalm 6 6, where he said, I am weary with my groaning.
Every night I make my bed swim, I drench my couch with my tears, I was a sobbing, broken mess.
Beloved mom, if you've ever felt like you're drowning in the demands of daily life, and in your tears, whether it's keeping up with the kids, managing a home, juggling work, or forbid, navigating your family through any kind of trauma.
Today's episode is just for you.
My guest, friend, and all around marvelous mom, Katie Welch, is a mom of six, a non profit founder, a woman who has navigated and is navigating the chaos, the beauty, the traumatic and the heart of foster care.
Katie is a sunshine loving, vintage enthusiast who believes in finding light, even in the darkest moments.
After 14 years of education, Katie founded Foster Light, a non profit that supports foster parents in creating sustainable, nurturing homes for foster youth.
Katie and her husband Nick have been married for almost 16 years and half of that time they've been doing foster care together.
Whether Katie is wrangling kids, running a nonprofit, or having a kitchen dance party, her mission is to bring light to the world encourage others to do the same.
She's here to share the messy and the miracles of life and the practical systems and rhythms that have transformed her home from overwhelming to somewhat peaceful and structured.
And trust me, you're going to want to grab her chore chart system, you today at momtomommentoring.
com backslash chores.
Because let's be honest, anything that makes your mornings run smoother is worth it.
You'll hear more about this system in today's episode with Katie.
it's super easy as moms to be like, I don't have time for that.
I'm too busy to sleep.
My kids don't sleep.
I'll, just come up with all these excuses.
And I used to do that a lot, but I got to the point where I was like, okay, well, I either schedule it in, or I just cry on the floor of my shower every day.
Which one do I want to do? if that doesn't hit home, I don't know what does.
Katie knows the struggle and she's figured out some practical ways to stop the overwhelm before it takes over.
So grab your coffee.
Settle in and get ready for a conversation that will inspire you, equip you, and remind you that peace is possible, even in the busiest seasons.
Katie, tell us a little bit about your life as a mom right now.
right now I have six kiddos.
They range from age four up to 12.
Four of them are in foster care and their sisters.
And then two of them are biological.
Boys, I also have a Nonprofit that supports foster families.
So my life oscillates between all of that you are a business woman.
You have founded and developed a business, a nonprofit business.
you are working as well as raising six kids.
what would you say right now is your biggest challenge? The biggest challenge right now is prioritizing my mental and emotional health so that I can be available mentally, emotionally, physically spiritually available for.
My life for my kids for my husband and for my job.
So what are you finding is working? Yeah.
It's the tale as old as time, right? You know, just trying to fill your own cup so you can pour into other people.
I think, putting structure around it is the most important part for me, at least when you have such a busy schedule, it's so easy to get lost in it.
It's easy to, get to the end of a month and think, gosh, I haven't done anything for myself or I haven't done anything life giving this month for me, unless you put it in your schedule.
I just have to literally.
Mark it into my calendar.
The different things that feel life giving to me and it's different things in different seasons.
that used to stress me out to think about putting stuff like that in my calendar.
Like I want it to be more fluid than that but this is not the season of my life where things are organic.
You know, there's a lot in my life that I can't control.
And so I have to kind of put systems in place to take care of myself.
Because if I don't, it's just not going to get done and then I'm going to get burned out and exhausted.
And then I'm going to be a monster to my kids and my husband, and I'm not going to do good at anything.
I just have to schedule So how do you even find time to schedule anything in? you just make time for what feels important to you.
it's super easy as moms to be like, I don't have time for that.
I'm too busy to sleep.
My kids don't sleep.
I'll, just come up with all these excuses.
And I used to do that a lot, but I got to the point where I was like, okay, well, I either schedule it in, or I just cry on the floor of my shower every day.
Which one do I want to do? for a while it was like, okay, I'll just get up earlier.
But then I was getting like four hours of sleep and that was making me a crazy person too.
for me in this season it's going to be like small daily rhythms that are ongoing they might be tiny, or not take very much time, but they are just rhythms.
Keep me alive, keep me going, keep me loving my life, keep me rested so that I am.
Pouring into my kids and being like, look at life, look at God.
Isn't this so great.
Instead of rushing around the house being like, Oh my gosh, this is such a nightmare.
can you just follow directions for like once, like rage clean around the house It's not like I'm always happy and great but these rhythms or, structure that I've set in place has drastically changed my mental health, So this wasn't just a natural thing you started to do when you became mom of six kids.
This is something that you hit a crisis point.
I would say like multiple crisis points.
we had two biological kids.
And then we got three foster kids at the same time.
And so we went from two to five and we had five kids under five.
And I was in grad school to be a principal and I was teaching full time.
And my husband was in grad school and we look back on that season.
And I'm like, how in the world did we survive? Like none of the children could do anything by themselves.
after a while I kind of hit a wall where I was like, Oh my gosh, I can't do this.
And so then specific systems would go into place.
And then it would be like, okay.
Here's another piece that's really stressing me out of like, here's the top five things That feel massively overwhelming to me right now.
How can I solve this? Like what can I put into place for this to feel easier or more life giving? what are some systems? I mean, that sounds very business management, right? Which is not how I normally function at all.
but when you have a life as busy as mine or as many kids as I do, or as many kids with trauma in your home as I do it just helps my brain and it helps their brains if we just have systems in place.
Mornings just felt so overwhelming bedtimes felt really stressful.
my house being a mess felt really stressful.
Something that's changed our life drastically is like morning routine, evening routine and chore chart.
this one time I went have you brushed your teeth? Is your bag packed? What are you doing? We're supposed to be getting ready for school.
And you're talking about this one time we went to worlds of fun six months ago, just feeling frustrated that it just felt out of control.
And to have to remember what six kids need and like, okay, do you have your Chromebook as your backpack? Do you have a coat, gloves? Do you have a water bottle that's filled up? Do you have your red folder, your blue folder, your green folder? Do you have your library book? So on our morning routine has lists of what they need to do in the morning.
It also has pictures on it for the kids that can't read yet.
It has, is your backpack and it has lists of what needs to be in your backpack.
So in the morning, I kind of can just bop around to everyone's room and see how it's going.
How are we doing on morning routine? Morning routine? How's morning routine? Because then I'm not saying 85 things and my brain's going out of control.
I'm saying morning routine.
Something happens in the morning that's different.
Like this morning, my dog threw up in four different rooms.
we had tutoring drop off at 7 a.
m.
We had one bus comes at 7.
30.
One bus comes at 7.
40.
Choir pickup at 745 for a different kid, the other two kids bus at 830, and then I also pick up tutoring kid at 830 and take her to a different school.
So that's all just Thursday mornings.
So, if there was no structure in my morning, that would feel really stressful, like how am I supposed to keep that all together? But it's all on my calendar, listed And then when my dog throws up in four different rooms, my kids are all doing their morning routine.
They know what they're doing.
they're pouring their own cereal.
They're brushing their own teeth.
They're packing their own bag.
They're cleaning their own room.
And I'm cleaning up dog throw up, everyone's doing what they're supposed to be doing.
If five out of six are doing what they're supposed to be doing, even four out of six, praise God, we're moving, that's a success.
That's a win, same with evening routines and the chore charts.
So those were three that kind of had to do with the kids that really changed my life.
And those are also three things that I.
format for my foster families so that they can create that structure in their home as well.
Okay, that's great.
And so what about Katie's rhythm or morning routine? Yeah, so my rhythms that have really helped my brain, my husband basically just split up responsibilities in our home instead of being like, I have 50 things that me and Nick are both in charge of and hopefully someone will get it done.
Instead of that dinner was like the top stressful thing.
I don't enjoy cooking.
I'm not super great at it.
I've tried every meal prep plan, blah, blah, blah, all the things.
And it was still getting to the point every day at 5 PM.
I'm like, what do people eat? Oh my gosh, why can I not get this? You know, and then I'm stressed about it.
And so Nick does food now he does the food it's been so cool because it's been life giving for him and it's been life giving for me because I don't have to think about it and someone's serving me food.
At dinner time.
it's made me so grateful for him.
every day like, oh my gosh, you're amazing.
How are you doing this? This is so great.
I can't even believe you made this.
And he's feeling encouraged by that.
And he's, having fun with it.
Like, how cheap can our family of ate eat? And I took cleaning off of the plate.
I kind of oversee the chores, but I also have like a cleaning schedule that I made I set aside in my day So That has helped a ton and that was my mom's idea after seeing me hit rock bottom at one point, so she was just like, okay, we need to help this.
So that is a piece of, community coming in and being like, let me help you with this.
Let me help Think through this and come up with some ideas that are workable Sometimes you can't see it.
So you've got community and another thing.
So I have this white chair and my kids know that they can't sit in that.
That's mom's white chair.
And I just have a little table with a stack of books next to it, and that's where I do all of my journaling and reading my Bible.
and typically do that before the kids are awake, because I can beat the crowd.
Sometimes it doesn't work out.
Sometimes it does.
so that's something That you've worked into your rhythm of life.
Yeah, it just starts my day off better.
But just to kind of start off my day quiet and with this many kids, it's so easy for me, even as an extrovert to get so overstimulated with constant noise and questions there's some days where I'll just go and like stare out the window I'm up and I'm alone.
I had four kids and we had a basement and I'd be like, okay guys.
I'm going downstairs and shutting the door, the boys can watch a movie and I put music on and I would just go lay on the floor to get.
myself back together again.
It's a little reset.
So resets are important and what is the funnest part of your life right now? Oh my gosh.
My kids are all in, different activities and that kind of thing and watching them come alive in their things.
Has just been so much more magical than I ever could have imagined.
I'm just like, you're amazing.
seeing them come alive in these activities and then perform for us at home and laugh together and be able, you know, hearing them compliment one another.
It's just been so fun.
So fun.
Yeah.
So where's the Welch family going to be five years from now? Oh my goodness.
there'll be nine to seventeen.
So we'll be getting ready to launch our first oldest into the world.
I don't know.
It's interesting because with foster care, You can have kind of outlines of a dream life, but nothing is really set in stone with foster care because like, I could lose four of my kids, the dreams are kind of like, if they stay, then it could look like this, or if they leave, then it would look like this.
I know for sure that we'll still be cheering our kids on and whatever that could look like, we're still going to love Jesus.
We'll still be, you know, carting our kids around to their events and that will bring joy.
And we'll see what the Lord has for us, we'll figure it out.
it's hard.
Cause a lot of fear can creep in.
he's been good before and he'll still be good then.
And we'll be okay.
That's not as fun as we're going to be this big happy family forever and ever, there is this big question mark of a massive grief.
when You foster, you're kind of signing up for the awareness that this could be, a part of the journey.
Yeah.
And, even if my kids do stay all in this home when you're raising kids that have come from really hard places your expectations and dreams for them do shift and change you're just more open handed.
their hearts and brains have experienced so much more than my biological kids.
my prayer for them is always Lord, whatever you want for them.
And that may be different from what I want for them or what I expect for them.
And I think fostering really.
Helps you trust the Lord with your kids so much because.
The idea that they're not yours is just always in your head.
it's really shifted my perspective about my biological kids too.
they're all the Lords.
All of my kids are his and they could all leave tomorrow in some way or another.
If tragedy struck I have to still trust the lord.
I still will wake up tomorrow And the Lord will still be good and I'll still have to figure it out it will suck, but we'll figure it out, I don't feel like I worry about their futures because I just am like, who knows? you have four foster girls.
who have experienced trauma, how do you as a parent help your children who have lived through trauma? a huge part of it is being trauma informed, you know, just do as much.
Research and reading about the brain and how trauma affects the brain and what could that look like in behavior and what's the best way to respond to that? It's just so different than a normal, typical parental reaction, that's the biggest thing.
And letting go of control of this perfectionism, parenting it's just gonna look different.
You have to be flexible.
when you are parenting kids from trauma, you have no idea what's going to trigger them when it's going to happen and what that's going to look like.
so a lot of days are just not what you expect them to be.
that.
Is really stressful and it's really hard to keep yourself regulated your nervous system regulated can anything just go right? like, can you just go with the flow for a minute here? But if you don't have structures in place and there's nothing to fall back on in that moment.
if you're dealing with this massive trauma meltdown and you end up having to restrain this kid, cause they're hurting other people.
You need your other kids to business as usual, instead of Mom, what are you doing in there? What, what are we supposed to be doing out here? No, like get ready for school, just like normal, you know, morning routine of the systems.
being trauma informed, being flexible, letting go of control is there secondary trauma, similar to what my boys have been through, the sibling of someone who's experienced trauma because they've had to see and and learn a lot more than what I would expose them to otherwise.
And the biggest feedback that we get about them.
Is they're the most empathetic kids, their teachers and their friends, parents are like, your boys are just so empathetic.
Nothing surprises them.
If someone has a crazy, outburst in class the boys are the ones going over there and saying Man, so hard when something happens that you don't expect or man, it's, it sucks to have to leave fun places because they've heard this their whole life and it's nothing we've even done to teach that it's just growing up seeing people that they love have to experience and process really difficult things and them just kind of growing up alongside that you're a different person when you see people who are hurting.
Yeah, well, I showed a study in a workshop that I facilitate, but it was done by Harvard, 10, 000 adolescents and they're asked across 33 demographics, one of the questions is, what is the most important thing? For you as you move into, adulthood and they put high achievement as number one and number two is their happiness and number three has to do with Showing compassion and serving others the same kids say that that's what parents think are most important.
So they're getting this message from parents that high achievement is the highest goal, right, and that their happiness.
And then compassion towards others but the studies show that when we, as parents help our children have compassion, have the empathy, then they are more successful and they are happier individuals.
compassion and kindness is the cornerstone of your family.
And so your boys are naturally that way out in the world that they're in.
So, yeah, what we model for our kids is so much more important, even than what we say to them, because they're going to do what we do.
my kids see what we're doing.
They see how we're treating.
Other people or our spouse, they see our inner dialogue that we have, they see that play out in our lives.
And that has been so, I mean, that's why it's so important to go to therapy and work on your own stuff first, because whoever you are, your kids will be that, you know, it'll be that that's like the core values and.
Characteristics that they are going to display period, whether you say that, Hey, you're going to want to be a perfectionist and achieve everything to the best of your ability.
Otherwise you're a failure.
Like you'd never say that to your kid.
Right.
That's the expectation you have for yourself.
They're going to see that and they're going to feel the same way I learned that as a mom I was like Oh, I don't have to look any further than right here At me, when I see behaviors that I don't want in my kids, they were always a really good mirror for me to look at my stuff.
it is super humbling.
Something I've been doing with my kids is telling them what I'm working on.
And I said, And I used to not think that I was a perfectionist because I'm ADD and I'm kind of nuts and my purse is a mess and everything's crazy, but I'm a perfectionist in all of these ways.
And I was explaining that to them.
And so then when it comes out in me, I'll be like, see.
That's what I'm talking about.
And that's what the Lord's convicting me of because I don't need to be like that because my worth has nothing to do with my achievement when I see them doing that, I can say, Hey, remember I'm working on this too, instead of being like, okay, I'm your mom and I have everything together and you don't.
And so I have to teach you how to do it all We're all still learning.
We're still working on us, right? Forever and ever.
How do you define the difference between rest and just taking a break? This one's tough because sometimes When I'm exhausted, I just want to check out and that's really different than soul rest.
Scrolling on my phone or just like binging Netflix.
Not that it's never okay to do that, but coping with things or numbing out instead of actually allowing yourself to rest.
Rest is intentional.
you walk away from it feeling restored or more whole, you know whereas taking a break I'm going to take a five minute break and I'm going to scroll social media because I want to catch up on stuff.
knowing that's not going to nourish me, social media is not going to help me to slow down or be recentered or, find rhythms of focus or energy.
rest is going to be different for everybody.
Some people feel incredibly rested after they take a run.
it's really noticing in yourself.
After I scroll on social media, what do I feel? How am I feeling? Am I feeling restored? Do I feel encouraged? Do I feel jealous? I hear you talking, I'm thinking, what's the end goal? I, what do I want to come out of this time with? bring renewal to my soul.
saying I need to regulate my nervous system right now.
So I look at Katie's life I'm on the outside looking in you have a very successful nonprofit that you have developed and continues to grow.
that's a whole business.
You're engaged with the families.
You build community.
You have a beautiful family who laughs together, plays together, loves each other, probably fights together and works through it.
You have a marriage for over 15 years.
You love Jesus.
You know, if the people listening to this podcast could see you, you're a beautiful, vibrant, lovely woman who rocks the vintage clothing like no one I know.
So what do you attribute your success to? Oh my gosh.
First of all, very, very generous, kind words.
So thank you.
But I mean, just Jesus really, like it is a thousand percent, this Slow and steady, failing, getting back up, putting systems in place that might help me to fail less, failing again, getting back up, just constantly like needing the Lord, you know and trying to set myself up for success in, in all the things that I'm doing, but just constantly failing.
it's almost like funny hearing you say all of that because it's like.
Oh, oof, that is an illusion, ma'am.
But then, you know, I mean, I step back sometimes too, and I look at my kids and our life, and I'm just like, I could just like burst because it's so good.
And then there's moments where I'm like crying on the shower floor.
saying, what am I going to do? This is such a mess, I think that's just the life, right? that's the beautiful, tragic humanity, Katie You exude peace.
Whatever your systems are doing and the rhythm of rest that you've worked into life, it's affecting the atmosphere around you.
So keep at it.
Katie, I know you have the nonprofit.
called foster light, where you support foster care families.
And so I'd love for you to share the website.
And I'm sure many moms identified with.
Being on the floor in the shower and just even how to start to set up systems But I would love for you to let people know if they can reach you through the website or how they can.
Yeah, totally.
So Fosterlight is just fosterlight.
co.
That's our website.
That's our Instagram.
That's where you can find us on Facebook too.
I'm all about morning routines and chore charts.
And I mean, they saved, they saved my soul.
So good to be with you Thank you so much for making time.
I know it's very, very valuable to you.
I just want to say real quick, I've so enjoyed listening to your podcast and meeting with you in person is such a gift, but the extension of that is getting to listen to your podcast and be so encouraged you're just such a light.
And I know so many other women feel that way.
I get so excited when I see one of your episodes coming out because I leave them feeling encouraged and lighter That is so kind.
I'm working.
receiving kindness, and those were very, very generous and kind words full of life.
so thank you.
That means so much to my heart.
Wow, what an incredible conversation with Katie.
She reminded us that structure isn't about control.
It's about creating peace, and let's be real, peace in a mom's world is priceless.
But don't just listen.
You can take action.
Here is one thing you can try this week.
Take a look at one chaotic part of your day.
Maybe it's your mornings, dinnertime, or even bedtime.
Put a simple system in place.
Now, it doesn't have to be perfect, just intentional.
Ask yourself, What is one small rhythm I can create to bring more peace to this moment.
And don't forget Katie's chore chart system.
It is available for you to download.
It's a great starting point for creating order in your home.
You can get it now at momtomommentoring.
com backslash chores.
And if you're listening and thinking, Misty, I love this idea, but I don't even know where to start.
You are not alone.
That's exactly why I offer coaching for busy moms like you.
Together, we can create a system that works for your family, your life, and your season.
Let's chat.
You can book a free 20 minute call to take the first step toward peace and balance.
Just go to Mom2MomMentoring.
com backslash call.
And you'll get a link for a 20 minute free call where we can discover if coaching is right for you in this time and season of your life.
And mom, if today's episode encouraged you Would you take a minute to share it with a friend who needs a little bit more calm in her chaos? And if you haven't yet, leave a quick review.
It helps more moms just like you find the encouragement and practical tools for their everyday lives.
Remember mom, when you shine, you give others permission to shine too.