Latest / The Bridges and Beacons Podcast / Sacred Legacy: Empowered Generational Healing with Amber Dobbins

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Sacred Legacy: Empowered Generational Healing with Amber Dobbins · The Bridges and Beacons Podcast

• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to season three of the Mystic Nerd Squad podcast.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: You guys, I am so excited.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: Here we are, kicking off season three.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: It's almost upon a year that I started this podcast.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I've been having this little bug in my ear.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: Just like I had a bug in my ear to start the podcast, I've had this bug in my ear to talk about parenting.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: And I went back and forth.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so I do, do I do a whole different podcast?
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: What do I do?
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, how about it's just a season?
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: And so I decided that season three would be dedicated to talking about parenting in in all forms and formats.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: There's really no topic that uh is barred from the conversation.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: But tonight I'm really excited to have my friend Amber Dobkins on.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: She was here um in January, so I'm thrilled to have her back again.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: And if you haven't checked it out yet, because I've been talking about it, you're gonna want to jump into the show notes when the podcast is over to get a copy of her book, Sacred Legacy and Powered Generational Healing, which she wrote with her mom and her daughter.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I have been enjoying it on Audible with their voices, which I'm telling you is the most magical experience ever.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: So, Amber, thank you so much for being here.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, thank you for having me.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_02: It's a pleasure to be on again, and I love what you're doing with the show for season three.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh, I think we we have a little bit of a buzzing going on in the background.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not sure if it's me or you, but we were just joking about Mercury retrograde being over and my technical issues being over.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: So uh we'll try.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: If not, we can we'll work through it.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: But um so this book that you you mentioned to me when you came on, you were talking about it.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: How did this idea come to you that you would write a book not only about Sacred Legacy, but embark on writing it with three authors which happen to be all three of you related to one another?
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it was an adventure for sure.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_02: Um bringing three women together with an age gap and one idea to write a book.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_02: But the idea came about a year ago, and it just kind of downloaded right in.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_02: I can't even explain what sparked it.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_02: It was just a moment of inspiration, and I just acted on it right away.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_02: So I just heard or felt, you know, it's time to write a book and a book for women specifically that will help with um building family relationships and that sort of a thing.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_03: And I immediately called my daughter and said, Hey, you want to become an author and write a book with me?
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_03: And she said yes.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_03: She didn't even think of I mean she thought about it, but she didn't hesitate.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_02: And we both at the same time said we gotta call Zanny, which is what we call my mom.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_02: So and called her, and she said yes right away too, and we just jumped in.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: I it's incredible, and you know, I feel like from the get-go, from the beginning, from the the storytelling moment about how your family operates, how you work together, um, I was just so invested in understanding the story of the three of you and how much you've dove into different things together, but you've also grown so much together.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: How does that happen, like in the best case scenario?
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_03: Oh boy, yeah.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_03: It was um, I mean, there are so many moments of um frustration and struggles and challenges that we had, but somehow we decided to accept each other and support each other through them, and that's what really grew us.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_03: Uh I don't know that it was a conscious choice in the beginning, but then after watching several other families and how they interact, we started to notice that we were doing things a little bit differently, and there was more support and more acceptance, and we felt that it's comfortable in our own skin to make choices that work best for each of us, and um really knowing that we could share that with each other and we wouldn't be judged or you know, shunned or anything like that.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_03: So it just kind of evolved in groups, and and we decided, you know, we don't we need to share this.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I I think it's like one of those things where like we don't often go from the outside looking in for our own family microcosm.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: I was just having a conversation with a friend today, and we were talking about how like, you know, there's so much out there about being quote unquote normal, right?
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: And like there is no normal.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: I said to her, like, you could even go and like you could go have dinner with my family and dinner with my sister's family, and it looks completely different.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: And we grew up together, you know?
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: So I think the idea of looking from the outside in and having this chance to assess and evaluate, like, how is it that we're making this work so well?
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I agree, agree, completely agree that you agree.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_03: We argue and have our differences, of course.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_03: But um we've learned to kind of uh just just some of those things are not big enough to continue having a disagreement over it.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_03: See the bigger picture.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_03: Is it still I mean is there still a buzz?
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: I hear, do you hear a buzz?
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_03: I know.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just gonna check and see if anybody listening if hears the sound and they it might be maybe it's just my silly computer feeding back sound to me.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: I do have a microphone plugged in, so I can try to unplug it if I think that will help help.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's okay.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: We'll see, we'll see if anybody else, maybe it's just in my own ear.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah, I I think it just really it really struck me.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I and what was so uh uh beautiful was each of your individual journeys and and the things that you were learning about yourself and and growing from yourself um were all a little bit different.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: And yet you were able to stand outside of that and watch that and not feel like um not feel like it was there was anything wrong with with being in that place of assessing, you know, okay, you know, this is something I'm dealing with and it's okay.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: It's okay.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: And giving each other permission, yeah.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: I that really that really touched me so much because there were so many moments where you were sharing stories, and I'm not gonna give away the stories because you should absolutely read the book.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: There's so many moments when one of you could have been like, What is going on?
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_00: Why are you doing this?
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: You know, and it would have been like a normal sort of response.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: But instead, there was just this tremendous amount of compassion for one another's journeys and this deliberate intent to understand each other.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, absolutely.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_03: And I love how you were so much.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_03: That's exactly what it was.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_03: We need each other's permission to change who we are and to explore what we we feel level.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_03: And and the biggest thing I think I really, really felt um connecting that to this point with intuition and allowing ourselves, allowing each other to listen to that wisdom.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_03: Inner wisdom that is inviting us and contrasting.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_03: Down our down our down path.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_00: All right, go ahead and try and unplug that microphone.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: Let's see if that's better.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: I just got feedback.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: There's a little bit of a robotic buzz, which is fascinating because it wasn't there before we went live.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, go ahead.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: And now I can't hear you.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_00: Go ahead and uh unmute yourself, let's see.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: How's that?
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, that's delightful.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: So funny.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: I'm telling you, this technology is hysterical.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: So no worries.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, there was nothing we pressed live and it and it was buzzed.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: But thank you, thank you, Jen, for being technical support behind the scenes.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: You know how much we love Jen Pisano.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: She's behind the scenes, like guys.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's a little buzzy.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: We're good now.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: We're good now.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know why sometimes these things don't work.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah, I it was it was really so fantastic.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I think especially, and I'm super excited, spoiler alert, I get to talk to your mom too.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: Um, she's gonna come on and and talk about her perspective on parenting, but um the experiences that she had as a child growing up and the way that the story was constructed throughout to show how much generation by generation things have changed was really inspirational.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: And it made me take some time and like think about my own timeline and the things, like if I were to take like four, three or four generations back and thinking about my mom, my mom's mom, you know, and and going up, like knowing the kind of experiences, the traumas, the the things that they were experiencing.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: And what if like they had had this moment of clarity and like, whoa, I need to, I need to fix this.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I think in some ways they probably did that I probably can't stand outside of and look at.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_00: But, you know, it definitely made me feel like going forward, like, how am I healing myself, my path for future generations?
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, because whether we know it or not, or whether we um are con like whether we do things intentionally or not, we pass things down.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_02: And that can be trauma or it can be healing.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_02: And of course, it's probably a little bit of both because I think as parents, we do traumatize our children a little bit, and and you know, they they grow from that, they learn from the struggles and things of that nature, and I think that allows them to gain their own wisdom on how to deal with life outside of uh the home as they grow up and things.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_02: So, yeah, when we're conscious of our own trauma and of our family history and all the things that have been passed down to us, then we can unpack that, heal ourselves, and pass on more healing to our children.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_02: And they can continue to do the same if we teach the healing practice and that it's super important for all of us.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh, I'm 100% with you.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_00: I think this is it's something that's so special because I think I I related to you in that where I started on my parenting journey is not where I am right now.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_00: I've really grown so much as an individual, I've grown so much as a mom.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I've been able to release a lot of high expectation on myself.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I think I didn't realize how much I was sort of like, you know what?
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's okay for me to make mistakes.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_00: Cause like you said, no matter what we do, even if we contrive everything quote unquote perfectly, there there are going to be moments we can't protect our kids from.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_00: They're going to have experiences that can potentially be traumatizing or healing or both.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_00: You know, um, that felt good to me as a parent.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_00: And it's one of the reasons I felt like this was such a good conversation to have because I know we're not the only parents out there who are trying to do it better every day.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_02: And it is there's that mom guilt that sneaks in and can really take over and um just wreak havoc on who we are as just as a human in general, who we are as a mom.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_02: And dealing with that alone can be very difficult for women.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_02: So forgiveness, compassion for yourself, being gentle on yourself, um, realizing that you've probably done better than your parents.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, that's not always the case, but looking back, there were so many different things that were happening in the 50s and 60s that we don't have to deal with today.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_02: So, in general, society has changed.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_02: And so we have a better opportunity to parent our children in such an amazing way.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, they have so many options and choices today that they didn't have back then.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_02: So it's really a beautiful unfolding if we let that happen and not let the guilt take over and really just say, hey, I'm doing the best I can and I'm getting better every day.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_02: And just it's baby steps, little things at a time.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_00: And so I I love that, and I feel like I've learned to live that.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_00: So, what do we tell moms out there experiencing the mom guilt?
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: How do we help break these patterns of conditioning?
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I, you know, I know I had my son eight years ago, and even since eight years ago, what we have access to on the internet, social media, like the messaging that's just coming at us all the time about what makes us great parents, what we should be doing, like that, you know, having your birth plan and getting back into your genes in so many weeks and whatever other nonsense is out there, how you feed them, like there's literally an endless supply of things to perseverate on and to feel like you haven't achieved that, you know, perfectionism comes in as a new parent.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_00: So, how do we help moms break that guilt, break that conditioning that is just so prevalent everywhere?
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_02: That's a really great question.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm sure that there's so many different things that we could do for myself personally, um, because my kids are older.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_02: I have a 22-year-old daughter and a 19-year-old son.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_02: So um I've I've been through the many stages of childhood, and they're all so different, and there's different guilt, I feel like, that comes with each stage, especially the teenage years.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_02: At least that was what was for me and the stress that comes with, you know, your children are are get they're they have more responsibilities, they're driving vehicles, they're getting jobs, they're out in the world more.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_02: So um that is when I started really meditating and going within and connecting to myself because if I was drained and tired and stressed, then I wasn't showing up fully in who I wanted to be and who I truly was.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_02: So really taking time for myself helped.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_02: Um and then allowing compassion, as I mentioned, compassion that life happens as it does for whatever reason, and we can gain wisdom from it and learn from each experience.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_02: And so having forgiveness for the things that we didn't know in the past, but of course, trusting that we will learn more as we as we continue down the path, and we'll get better and better.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I think that self-compassion is so so challenging for a lot of us to forgive ourselves that we really have these expectations on ourselves to be this super mom, you know, whether you're a super stay-at-home mom, you're a super working mom, like the working mom burden is serious, you know, and it can be so crushing.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_00: And yet the one thing that really does make a difference, at least I know for myself, and I think from what you're saying too, giving to myself first, you know, meditation, whatever those really deep, helpful self-care practices are the things that so often moms put way at the end of the list because it's easier to put that off.
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_00: And the more immediate needs of the home, the children, the family are met first.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_00: So, how do we how do we break this pattern of moms putting themselves last on the list?
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, because I know at least um years ago when I was first starting the self-care practice, I felt like it was selfish.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, I I can't take time for myself.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_02: I like you said, I have all these other things to do, and the laundry isn't doing itself, and you know, the dinner's not getting made unless I'm over there doing it.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm not saying to ignore all of those things and go be selfish, but there are a lot of things that we can do, little, little tiny things that we can add into our day that does fill us up, that or taking um a day out of a month.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, it can be um, you know, instead of little pieces of moments here and there, it can be a bigger chunk of time where you do go get a massage and you do get some alone time and really fill yourself up on a bigger scale.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_02: But um for me, you know, sometimes it was just drinking my morning coffee before the kids got up, getting up a little earlier and making sure I had that moment to myself to wake up and really just check in and and do those things.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_02: Um, a lot of times it was a bath, and like, hey, everybody, I need, you know, 15 minutes or whatever.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_02: So don't knock on the door unless somebody is really hurt.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_02: But yeah, the and the guilt, I I, you know, that is a difficult one to overcome, especially as a woman and a mom.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_02: And I think over time, you just gotta take the first few steps.
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_02: Do the five minutes in the morning or in in the evening, whenever you can fit it in, and see what it does for your life.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_02: See if you feel better, see if it changes how you respond to your family.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_02: Because I noticed that when I'm drained, I snap at my family instead of say, okay, honey, let me, I just need to breathe for a minute and then we can continue the conversation.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_01: Mm-hmm.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_02: So once you see those things um benefiting your life, I think the guilt kind of fades away.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_02: At least it did for me.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_02: And then you're able to embrace the forgiveness, the compassion, the self-care, all of those things.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I I definitely agree with you.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_00: I think, and starting small, I mean, it can literally be like you said, five minutes.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna sit here, I'm gonna drink my coffee by myself.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, and then it's like, ooh, I feel this good with five minutes.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_00: Imagine if 20.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_00: Whoa! You know, let's see how good I can feel.
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah, I think until you've had the practical experience of how present you're able to then feel with people versus how you feel.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, we can all relate to how you feel when you're you're running late, you're rushing, you get to work, and like you never quite feel like you're catching up, and you just don't have the energy to be present with people and to like manage your own emotions and feelings.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_00: You know, whereas when you leave early, you're like, oh, I could stop for coffee, I can look at the trees, you know, I can enjoy my drive.
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_00: And then who you show up as is a completely different person than the person who was rushed and feeling like there wasn't enough time, you know.
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_00: So exactly.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 24:01
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's huge.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I think the more we talk about it, and for me, I think the other part of it, and I don't know if this is the same for you, it's like, um, I'm going to show you this lovely background behind me, but you best believe that in order for me to be able to work full time and do a podcast, there are areas of my life that are chaos and messy.
• 24:26
  SPEAKER_00: And that's normal too.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_00: But we're all functioning, we've all eaten today, everybody's reasonably bathed, you know, so we're doing okay.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_00: But that there's never going to be a time where all of these things are completely finished, done, well organized, you know, looking perfect unless I have staff.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_00: Which I don't.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_00: But that would be cool, right?
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_00: So it do you find that that's important to normalize too?
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_00: That like you can pick and choose the things you're gonna do, but there are still going to be things that are unfinished.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, and finding peace with that, as you said, that oh, you can be grumpy and have everything in order because you're yelling at everybody to put things away or or whatever the case may be, or you can just live in peace and know that things will get done.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_02: And yes, you might have to, you know, set a timer and say, everybody clean up for so many minutes or whatever, there's time for that.
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_02: But um, yeah, finding that peace within of life is you live in your life, and so therefore, there are going to be things um left undone that are you know out of sorts because I don't know anyone that lives so perfectly that it just we're not Mary Poppins.
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_02: There is no snap of the fingers and everything puts itself away.
• 25:57
  SPEAKER_02: So disappointing.
• 25:59
  SPEAKER_02: Disappointing.
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_02: But yeah, it it is, and that is one that I think is very difficult for women to um, or anybody, I mean, to to grasp and hang on to and say, okay, uh, you know, I'm okay with how life is because we're all smiling, we're all fed, we're all doing okay, as you said.
• 26:21
  SPEAKER_02: So um looking at the bigger picture and seeing the micro or the macro of things instead of the micro, not looking at the world things and letting them bother you, seeing that the bigger picture is good.
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_00: So let's switch back a little bit to the concept of legacy.
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_00: So, how do you define legacy?
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_00: What does that mean for you?
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_02: Um, for me, I believe it's in our relationships.
• 26:49
  SPEAKER_02: Now, legacy can have several different meanings.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_02: If you looked it up online, you'd probably get four or five different meanings, but there is a meaning of passing down um, you know, there some of its traditions or can be, but really I feel like it's people will remember you for how you made them feel.
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_02: And the stories that people tell about you is really your legacy.
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_02: So, what do you want to be remembered for?
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_02: Are you being that person?
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_02: And, you know, share the stories of your ancestors to keep their legacy alive, to pass down the things that you want your kids to know about your family history, about the things that you loved and that really bonded your family together.
• 27:34
  SPEAKER_02: So I guess if I had to sum it up, legacy is the relationships that you leave behind.
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_02: Well, or that you're in currently.
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I think you live your legacy on a daily basis.
• 27:45
  SPEAKER_00: So I love that.
• 27:48
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 27:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's that's such a beautiful thing.
• 27:51
  SPEAKER_00: And think about like how how would you like to be remembered?
• 27:54
  SPEAKER_00: How often do we think about that?
• 27:56
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what does it, what matters to me that people remember about me?
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_00: So what do you what do you say to people when they say, whoa, you know, you wrote this book with with your mom and your daughter?
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_00: What was that like?
• 28:14
  SPEAKER_00: You know, how did you pull that all together?
• 28:17
  SPEAKER_00: You know, what have you learned from that experience of the three of you writing together?
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_02: Well, we definitely went deeper into our healing.
• 28:28
  SPEAKER_02: So, what I have learned from each of the books that I've been in is that whatever you're writing about is probably going to show up in your life on a on a big scale.
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_02: It's gonna pop up.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_02: So, um, and I I knew that on some level, but I didn't realize um how how much of it we were gonna go back into.
• 28:53
  SPEAKER_02: And of course, going into your history and writing your past stories and going into your old pain is gonna bring some of that up again and it's gonna heal on a deeper level.
• 29:01
  SPEAKER_02: So there were some time, there were some points in writing the book that we had to take breaks and allow each other space to really process what they were going through and heal before we moved on.
• 29:15
  SPEAKER_02: And um, we also one of the biggest things that we learned um was how people define words, and that you and I can have a different definition for the same word, but we're around the same age.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_02: However, when you get a generational gap, words can have a huge difference in what they mean.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_02: So we would talk about a topic, we'd bring up a word, and we'd all think we were agreeing on a topic, and we'd all go to write about it, and we'd all write three different things.
• 29:52
  SPEAKER_02: And so we found like we had to pause and we had to ask each other, what does that word mean to you?
• 29:59
  SPEAKER_02: And we each had to answer that question and found that we all three of us had very different definitions of it.
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_02: So we learned to define words before we moved on.
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_02: Like, we're gonna talk about this.
• 30:11
  SPEAKER_02: What does that mean?
• 30:13
  SPEAKER_02: And how do we implement that throughout the book?
• 30:16
  SPEAKER_02: Um, where it dovetails and doesn't, you know, take off on a million different directions.
• 30:23
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh.
• 30:23
  SPEAKER_00: I'm totally nerding out on that because that's such an exciting behind the scenes like how this book came to life.
• 30:30
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_00: I think so many times we we do that, don't we?
• 30:34
  SPEAKER_00: We use different verbiage or the same verbiage and it means something different to us.
• 30:40
  SPEAKER_00: I think about that honestly with self-care, you know, that a lot of people it means very different things to, you know.
• 30:48
  SPEAKER_00: I I like to start with radical self-care because that to me means like this is like the there's no not doing this because this is imperative for my well-being.
• 31:00
  SPEAKER_00: You know, so this is my self-care.
• 31:03
  SPEAKER_00: So I think I think a lot of times we get ourselves into trouble, but I love that you had a process for coming together and like, hang on a second, let's dial it back a little bit.
• 31:13
  SPEAKER_00: We have we have some generational differences in how we perceive this.
• 31:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, wow, that's exciting.
• 31:21
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it was.
• 31:23
  SPEAKER_02: It was very eye-opening, and uh, it really bonded us together better.
• 31:27
  SPEAKER_02: Like we um we learned about each other and um kind of uh our perceptions.
• 31:34
  SPEAKER_02: We got to see each other's perceptions in life and and understand each other better.
• 31:39
  SPEAKER_02: So um we healed on a deeper level and bonded together even more, and and it was really a powerful thing.
• 31:46
  SPEAKER_02: So that but there were a lot of struggles in the middle of it.
• 31:49
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but of course, we worked through them and and it it turned out to be something that we're proud of.
• 31:55
  SPEAKER_02: Where it the layout of the book was another difficult thing that was um we all had our own ideas on who should write the first chapter and who should write the last chapter and those sort of things.
• 32:07
  SPEAKER_02: But um, we just kept playing with it and trusting that when the time was right and when the layout was right, we would know.
• 32:15
  SPEAKER_02: And we allowed each other to play with it.
• 32:17
  SPEAKER_02: So it was um it was a very bonding time for all of us.
• 32:24
  SPEAKER_00: Well, it was it's really beautifully laid out, I think.
• 32:28
  SPEAKER_00: The the way that you each took turns sharing chapters and sharing your stories and your journeys and you know, the times where the chapters overlapped a little bit in your stories.
• 32:41
  SPEAKER_00: It was just really, really cool.
• 32:44
  SPEAKER_00: I really liked it.
• 32:45
  SPEAKER_00: So I want to talk about interestingly, you you each have your names, of course, but you have your names in the book as well.
• 32:56
  SPEAKER_00: And your website where you have all of your media and information, there's beautiful pictures of you, there's the three of you, and what you go by.
• 33:07
  SPEAKER_00: So your mom goes by Zanny, which I assume that's been for a long time for her.
• 33:15
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and you go by Ulu.
• 33:18
  SPEAKER_00: Do you want to share the story of how your name became Ulu?
• 33:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, I would love to share that story.
• 33:24
  SPEAKER_02: It's um it's it has a lot of meaning to me.
• 33:28
  SPEAKER_02: So of course I will.
• 33:29
  SPEAKER_02: Um so when I became a grandma, I kind of just had an identity crisis of ah, what am I gonna pass down?
• 33:39
  SPEAKER_02: What like what am I gonna call myself?
• 33:41
  SPEAKER_02: I I knew I didn't want to be called grandma.
• 33:43
  SPEAKER_02: I I don't know why I don't have a problem with that, but there was just something that I just wasn't ready for that.
• 33:49
  SPEAKER_02: So I was looking for um names of what to call myself.
• 33:53
  SPEAKER_02: And uh my daughter and I went on a trip to Guatemala, and while we were in Guatemala, we had just some amazing heart-opening experiences, just connecting to the land and Gaia and and um the culture there, and they really honor Mother Earth and just cacao is something that they serve at restaurants in in some areas, not all parts of Guatemala, but um, just seeing how connected they were.
• 34:24
  SPEAKER_02: And we ended up in a little bar, and the bar was called Ulu or Uleu, if you if you say it with the proper accent.
• 34:34
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and I asked the bartender, what does Ulu mean?
• 34:39
  SPEAKER_02: And they shared that it it was a beautiful name that represents Mother Earth, but also a mother's intuition.
• 34:47
  SPEAKER_02: And he just went on and on about these emotional descriptions of what Ulu was.
• 34:52
  SPEAKER_02: And so when I became a grandmother, I said, I I think I want to be called Ulu because I didn't feel ready.
• 35:01
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't feel like I had enough recipes to pass down or enough stories of wisdom to pass down, but I knew by taking on the name that I was accepting that that was already within me.
• 35:13
  SPEAKER_02: I already had the wisdom, I already have the recipes somewhere, and I'll figure it out.
• 35:18
  SPEAKER_02: So Ulu to me was taking on the wisdom, the ancient wisdom that I already hold and saying it's here and and I accept it.
• 35:28
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh, I love it.
• 35:31
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 35:32
  SPEAKER_00: And uh I the I loved on the website seeing the pictures, the videos.
• 35:38
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, it's just it's beautiful.
• 35:40
  SPEAKER_00: So that that will also be linked up in the show notes if people want to go check it out.
• 35:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's such a beautifully um built space to connect with the three of you.
• 35:50
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I'm like a nerd for that because I love to hear the behind the scenes experiences.
• 35:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I audible is really pretty much how I read most books because I can listen when I'm in the car.
• 36:04
  SPEAKER_00: And um there's something really special about listening to a book, and the person that is speaking the words is the person who wrote it.
• 36:17
  SPEAKER_00: And so it was so cool to have each of your voices for your parts of the story because when you're reading your own words, it comes across very differently than if somebody else is reading it.
• 36:30
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so that was such a treat.
• 36:33
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so glad that you did that because I for me, it's like my favorite thing.
• 36:38
  SPEAKER_00: My favorite way to read a book is to listen on Audible and have the actual author reading it.
• 36:44
  SPEAKER_02: I agree.
• 36:45
  SPEAKER_02: I'm the same way.
• 36:46
  SPEAKER_02: I read books by listening to them with Audible.
• 36:49
  SPEAKER_02: So, and it was such a fun experience because um there was a lot of stress getting the book out and like it are all the words were how where they need to be in the commas and the periods, you know, all those things.
• 37:01
  SPEAKER_02: But um reading Audible, reading the book on Audible, we got to experience the book as the reader.
• 37:08
  SPEAKER_02: So there was no more edits, it was just listen to our story, and so um it was a beautiful time for us to to just experience it.
• 37:19
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh, that's really, really cool.
• 37:22
  SPEAKER_00: And so you mentioned your uh grandma or an Ulu.
• 37:27
  SPEAKER_00: And so how is your granddaughter?
• 37:30
  SPEAKER_02: She's good, she's one now, so she's walking.
• 37:34
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my god.
• 37:35
  SPEAKER_02: Well, almost running.
• 37:36
  SPEAKER_02: She's just moving around so fast.
• 37:39
  SPEAKER_02: Umie and brings so much joy to our world.
• 37:43
  SPEAKER_02: So even though I didn't feel ready, I didn't think I was ready to be a grandma.
• 37:48
  SPEAKER_02: I'm enjoying every second of it.
• 37:50
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like it's the same, like as a mom.
• 37:53
  SPEAKER_00: Like you're you're prepared, you do as much as you can to prepare as a mom, but then you're like, wait, what?
• 37:58
  SPEAKER_00: Me?
• 37:58
  SPEAKER_00: I have to take this little being home and keep it alive, and nobody's coming with me for this.
• 38:07
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 38:07
  SPEAKER_02: And I feel like, at least as a grandma, there's so much that you forget.
• 38:12
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I mean, I don't we don't have a lot of little ones around.
• 38:15
  SPEAKER_02: I've got my older kids and they don't have a lot of little cousins or anything.
• 38:18
  SPEAKER_02: So um, yeah, I had forgotten what it was like to have a baby around.
• 38:23
  SPEAKER_02: So um a lot of fun.
• 38:25
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh, I'm sure she is quite loved and quite adored.
• 38:30
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sure she's being held.
• 38:32
  SPEAKER_00: Well, as much as she'll let you hold her now that she can move.
• 38:36
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's what happens.
• 38:37
  SPEAKER_00: Then they're like, oh wait, I don't want to be held down.
• 38:40
  SPEAKER_00: And let me go.
• 38:42
  SPEAKER_00: Um so what would be sort of your your best piece of advice for um parents in passing on their legacy generation by generation and just really doing it better every day?
• 39:01
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I think the first step and the biggest key is allowing yourself to have the awareness of what is going well and what isn't going so well in life.
• 39:12
  SPEAKER_02: And that can be a difficult thing to look at.
• 39:16
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, you really got to pause and say, you know, where am I contributing maybe negative patterns or um uh limiting beliefs down to my kids?
• 39:26
  SPEAKER_02: And when you can pause and really see where you're holding yourself back and where you want to be, and that gap in the middle, I think that's the biggest step forward that you can take because without the awareness, you have no idea what you're doing, you're just doing it unconsciously and and um continuing the pattern.
• 39:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 39:50
  SPEAKER_02: So however you can do that, just really pausing and seeing.
• 39:55
  SPEAKER_02: And and then in the book, we have some steps.
• 39:57
  SPEAKER_02: We have five steps that we go through.
• 39:59
  SPEAKER_02: Awareness is one of them.
• 40:01
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but there's several other things uh that helps us move forward on the path to breaking those negative patterns and creating healthier bonds through boundaries and perspective, um, and even through our own authenticity, really learning who we are and finding the urge to be in our full authentic power gives our kids the we allow them to do the same.
• 40:27
  SPEAKER_02: We show them how to do it, we're the example.
• 40:31
  SPEAKER_02: So um, those are a lot of the things that we talk about in the book on how to move forward and in leaving the legacy that that you really want and desire.
• 40:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and I love that about this book because not only is it a beautiful story in the perspective of the three of you, but the fact that there's so much time dedicated at the end of the book with skills and advice and ways to take what we've learned from your stories and apply it to our own lives.
• 41:03
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I think it's such a beautiful thing because it's not just about here's our story, isn't this great?
• 41:09
  SPEAKER_00: And it is, but it's like we can all do this.
• 41:12
  SPEAKER_00: This is accessible to everyone.
• 41:16
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, absolutely.
• 41:18
  SPEAKER_02: And that was another big piece of deciding how to put the book together.
• 41:21
  SPEAKER_02: Um, because sometimes adding tips into the middle of a story disrupts the flow.
• 41:27
  SPEAKER_02: So as you mentioned, we we tell our story and then we have a whole appendix that I think it's over an hour long on the audible, that really is step-by-step things that you can do to really make those changes in your life.
• 41:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 41:42
  SPEAKER_00: And and very much, even if you've not started your journey to self-healing or personal growth or anything, very accessible from the get-go to just hop right into it and and have it be super meaningful for you.
• 41:59
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 42:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 42:01
  SPEAKER_00: I'm I'm so appreciative of you.
• 42:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I feel like reading your stories, I feel like I'm I'm one of your friends and we've hung out.
• 42:11
  SPEAKER_00: It's like you've made your family very accessible and and felt very much like you've given us a picture into your world.
• 42:21
  SPEAKER_00: And I think as a writer, if you can do that, you've done a great job.
• 42:25
  SPEAKER_00: So I I really applaud the three of you.
• 42:28
  SPEAKER_00: I applaud you for your vulnerability and your willingness to share your story with the world because I think it really will make a difference for families, even if only to give the perspective, like you said, of building awareness and just knowing that you have a choice in every moment for how you leave a legacy with the people in your life.
• 42:49
  SPEAKER_00: So thank you so much for that.
• 42:51
  SPEAKER_00: I just want to give you a few minutes.
• 42:52
  SPEAKER_00: Tell us a little bit about how we can connect with you more, what else is happening with the book, um, and how can people work with you and get more of this flavor of what you do?
• 43:05
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 43:05
  SPEAKER_02: Well, so many fun things are happening, of course.
• 43:09
  SPEAKER_02: Um, everything takes time, and we are we are trying to do one thing at a time, one step at a time.
• 43:17
  SPEAKER_02: As entrepreneurs, I'm sure, and you know that well, you work nine to five too, but you're writing and doing all these things.
• 43:24
  SPEAKER_02: So things can pile up quickly.
• 43:26
  SPEAKER_02: But um, Sacred Legacy Empower Generational Healing is, like you said, available on Audible.
• 43:31
  SPEAKER_02: It's available on Amazon and pretty much anywhere that you can buy books online.
• 43:36
  SPEAKER_02: There is a Kendall version also.
• 43:39
  SPEAKER_02: So that is very accessible.
• 43:41
  SPEAKER_02: And then if you read the book, there is a page that you can go visit, this um Sacred Legacy page.
• 43:48
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, I believe it's at mysticmeadowshealing.com, and that shows a little bit more behind the scenes of the book, but also there's some free things that um we provide for our listeners or just our followers.
• 44:02
  SPEAKER_02: You can go there without reading the book, also.
• 44:05
  SPEAKER_02: Um, actually, you can find how to purchase the book there as well.
• 44:10
  SPEAKER_02: So, one of the things that we have there is um a bonding tips booklet, and that is just a small booklet that talks about um bonding with yourself, bonding with young children, with all the way up to bonding with your parents.
• 44:27
  SPEAKER_02: So it's the just little tips on how you can go deeper into the bonds.
• 44:32
  SPEAKER_02: Um, even if you're not on good terms with some of the family members that you have, there's still ways that you can bond with them.
• 44:40
  SPEAKER_02: So that little booklet offers those tips.
• 44:43
  SPEAKER_02: And then we are also working on a workbook to go with the book, as well as um hopefully a course.
• 44:53
  SPEAKER_02: We'll see how that turns out.
• 44:55
  SPEAKER_02: But um so many things uh to to do to get that put out.
• 45:01
  SPEAKER_02: So and we're hoping to have it out in the spring.
• 45:05
  SPEAKER_00: Wow, that is a lot, and it's so exciting.
• 45:08
  SPEAKER_00: You saw me lean in.
• 45:09
  SPEAKER_00: I heard workbook, I heard course, I'm like all the things.
• 45:13
  SPEAKER_00: It sounds amazing.
• 45:15
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I I'm so grateful for you being in my world and I'm really cheering all of you on.
• 45:23
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so excited for you and how big this book can go.
• 45:27
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and thank you for kicking off season three with me and talking about legacy.
• 45:33
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like we're talking about like beginning with the end in mind.
• 45:36
  SPEAKER_00: So if we want legacy, this is what we want.
• 45:40
  SPEAKER_00: Here's what we're gonna do.
• 45:41
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I look forward to talking to your mom when she comes on and get some of her perspective too.
• 45:49
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I just I thank you and I wish you guys all the best.
• 45:54
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, thank you so much.
• 45:55
  SPEAKER_02: It's always lovely to spend some time with you.
• 45:58
  SPEAKER_02: And um, I just love what you're doing with the show.
• 46:01
  SPEAKER_02: So thank you.
• 46:02
  SPEAKER_00: Glad you thank you so much.
• 46:05
  SPEAKER_00: Well, we appreciate all of you who are tuning in.
• 46:07
  SPEAKER_00: If you are a parent, um let us know in the comments.
• 46:11
  SPEAKER_00: Be sure to like and share this episode.
• 46:14
  SPEAKER_00: Give us a five-star rating.
• 46:16
  SPEAKER_00: The more that you do that, the more we can share this with other people who really need to hear this information now.
• 46:22
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I'm sure that Amber is giving you lots of food for thought for building your own legacy.
• 46:28
  SPEAKER_00: And like I said, in the show notes, we'll have all the ways you can connect with her and how you can get that book in your hands or in your ears if you're an audible person like us.
• 46:38
  SPEAKER_00: All right, everyone.
• 46:39
  SPEAKER_00: I hope that you are well.
• 46:41
  SPEAKER_00: I thank you for being here with us tonight and stay curious.
• 46:46
  SPEAKER_00: You never know where your curiosity is gonna lead you.
• 46:49
  SPEAKER_00: Take care, everyone.
• 46:51
  SPEAKER_00: Bye.