Latest / Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash / #188 Let's talk about sex, baby!

Transcript

#188 Let's talk about sex, baby! · Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: I see you're really holding onto the painter's pants.
• 0:01
  Speaker 2: I like the pants.
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: Is it so that when you're out in public you'd
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: be like I once.
• 0:06
  Speaker 2: I want to look I want to look like I've
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: built things in my bare hands.
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: Matt Ashton, There's one thing I've noticed about myself now
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: that I am a homeowner instead of a home renter.
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah, congratulations, thank you.
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: It has been a little while those of you who
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: are catching up. But I am not afraid to put
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: holes in the wall now. Yes, and I feel it's
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: a privilege. Oscar, I drew this for you. Firstly, that's
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: a garbage drawing. Just pin it on the wall. You
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: know what.
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: The three hooks are gone.
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: Oh no, I'm just got it. Literally the drill. Every
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: two days, drill's coming out, but it's mainly thumbtacks. I'm like,
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: ah fuck it.
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: Welcome back to Two Going Dads and I'm Ash and
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: this is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good,
• 1:10
  Speaker 2: it is the bad and the relatable and one thing,
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: ash Nigh, we swore together. We made an oath. We
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: cut our hands, blood was dripping, put them together and
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: we said we will never give advice.
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: That was a hell of an infection.
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: For a bit tired. It's been a big old week.
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: I notice the week phone this morning and I'm.
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: Also I'm like waiting for the school to call me
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: and be like Marley needs to be picked up. She's
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: in sick bay.
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: Oh no, well, I don't know.
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: She's not a morning person at all, Like she's just
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: she fucking hates getting out of bed.
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: She's grumpy, She's very grumpy.
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: She goes to be grumpy till he's had something, and
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: then she wouldn't really hit a toast this morning, and
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: she was like, I'm really cold and it's fucking hot
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: at the moment in Sydney, it's like thirty degrees. And
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: I was like, what's that you want some damma doll
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: sent her off, and she just had the look in
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: her eyes where she was just a bit something's coming.
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: So I was like, she's a ticking time bomb. I
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: said to her.
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: I was like, Marley, just no, just know this, if
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: you call in a sick bay, I can't come until
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: the end of school because I'm working all day to day.
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: Just wanted to like plant the seed, like hed to persevere.
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: Is that bad?
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: Is that bad? I think?
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: Because sometimes She's like a few times I picked up
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: a sick bay and I'm like, you're not sick.
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: Oh so much, dummy, because he knows that Pop was
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: on the list, remember, oh.
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah, So I just wanted to make her know that,
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: like sick bay is boring. Like it's a fucking room
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: behind the principal's office. There's a hard bed like a
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: prison cell, a prison cell, which it should be. And
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: I just want her to know that if you're sick,
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: you're in the prison cell.
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: Why do they make it so uncomfortable because otherwise the
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: place to be full of kids bro like a day sar.
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: Imagine if there are toys in there, men, that they
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: had books, every kid would be like, I'm not going
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: to fucking MAT's class and a sick bay.
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: I mean, at that age, it's pretty much having fun. Anyway.
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I was like, what do you do today? She's like,
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: and I was like, what else? Like that, That was
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: pretty much it.
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: I never I don't even get that much out of Oscar.
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: I don't remember. I'm like, oh, god, you've got a
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: young brain mate, you're old shit. Hey housekeeping, Oh yes.
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: The house is pretty clean at the moment, but just
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: making sure it's going to be spicking spam by this
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: time we finished this episode. It was last week. Last
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: week did the old serious episode?
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think a week before.
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: How We just want to say we've got lots of
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: lovely messages for those of you who didn't listen, How
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: do you? We did one about how to raise boys
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: in the men A bit of a serious app. There's
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: many lolls what we would normally do but don't often
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: do serious apps.
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: If something comes across our desk that needs to be addressed,
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: that's serious, we'll tackle.
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: We will tackle it head on, no pads, no helmet,
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: just straight through that, straight for it and lots of
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: lovely feedback. I do have a message here from one
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: dotor in the group and they just say, Ash, because
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: you Yeah, that's right and I really appreciate it. So
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: to the listeners and they said, Ash, you're doing a
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: great job. I want to share something that I said to
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: my husband when we're struggling as parents, because it's really
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: stuck with us. If parenting is hard, it's only because
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: you're trying to do it right.
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah, true, you actually care.
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: You care.
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: I'm not that there's parents out there that don't care.
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: I don't want to say that, but you know what
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: I mean, you care about. I was one that was
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: kind of like, ah, you know, I'm just sort of
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: kicking about with it. And then I think, as they're
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: getting older and I'm getting older, much older, I start
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: to think about it. It's forty at the moment, Yeah,
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: thank you, Ah, shut up. I start to think about
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: like how I've just spoken to them and what can
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: I do better now? Which is not like me.
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: But if you didn't care, god, parenting would be the breeze,
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: wouldn't it.
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I'd be like, what else we've got here? Oh?
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: Your bloody Yes, the apple has gone off. Everyone's geting,
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: their husband's doing Abril and I had a little chuckle
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: in the car. Yes, say, because she obviously is in
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: the Facebook group and she's like, oh, everyone's everyone's talking
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: about it.
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: It's such a It's like the benchmark of are you
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: a man or not?
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: Have you ever spent any time working with your hands?
• 5:03
  Speaker 3: Me?
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: I can write an email? You are good at that,
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: and I haven't. I haven't yet attempted the apple trick.
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: And again for reference, Ash split an apple with his
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: bare hands, clean in half.
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, and we will.
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: We will attempt this after the podcast.
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I've got an array of fruit other than the apple.
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: What else you got pears?
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: I've got green apples thought maybe they're stronger. I don't know.
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: Have you tried the green apple?
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: No, I haven't yet. I've got papaya too, whole papye
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: is nana dragon fruit.
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: That's fucking messy. You're gonna have to do this outside orange.
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: If you can rip an orange clean in half, we're
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: talking skin membrane, then fruit.
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: We're gonna have to do this video with those shirts on.
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: Well, we've always said I'm listening. Oh Matt, speaking of yes,
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: speaking of arousal, I want to give you, and it's
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: a sincere congratulations before a pep in your step. Ah,
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: Laura did on her podcast.
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: I didn't share that because I thought it was too personal.
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I was like, I was like, I did the.
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: School drop off and what are the parents? Was like,
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: how you doing? And I was like yeah, pretty good.
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: They're like really you gotta come on your pants and
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: I was like that was weird and I'm like, yeah, oh.
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: You didn't know that.
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: And I just trust. I trust Laura's radar of what
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: she's going to share and what what is sacred to the.
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: People want to know? They yeah, pick, why do just
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: give me the gist of it? Because as for those
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: who don't know, you have a six week old baby
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: eight weeks old currently eight weeks I believe somewhere and
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: every couple that has kids, it's like, when do you
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: get back on the horse.
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: We're talking about sex?
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: Oh, yes we are. We're talking about yeah, the horse
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: of sex, the naked pants dance.
• 7:00
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: Yes. Laura had the meeting with the obstetrician. He had
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: to look around downstairs shout out to Bobby and I
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: called Bobby and I said, it's good to go. Sorry, sorry, sorry.
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: I was like, look, Laura, whenever you're ready, you let
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: me know very that is the correct way. And I
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: was I was nervous, Yeah you would be, Now were
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: you nervous?
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: Well, both of ours were c sections, so it was
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: kind of like she had to, of course recover from that,
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: which is another thing altogether.
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: So how do you remember just ballpark? How long was it? Roughly?
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: But how long do you can drive a car?
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: She can't drive a car for six weeks?
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: I think she can't. Just still can't drive.
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: Sorry, Oh, my god, good stuff. She couldn't drive till
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: I think six weeks. It's like it's essentially major surgery
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: because of the amount of layers of the abdomen they
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: need to go through.
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: And then eighty four layers. I think it could be.
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: You are a medical doctor, so I can't really remember.
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: Would have been a few months. It definitely would have
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: been a few months, because April would have been like
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: recovery from that. Yeah. You know.
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: Also, what I think is a little bit difficult for
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: me to digest when you're trying to get back into
• 8:12
  Speaker 2: the world of romance with your partner after birth is
• 8:15
  Speaker 2: you got the baby in the room. The baby's like, hey,
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: that's up in the cupboard. Yeah, you know, you're trying
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: to get freaky. And then the baby's like, they're.
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: So noisy, so noisy, and they said that like ticks
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: and stuff.
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, and I'm like, can you shut up for
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: just two seconds.
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: I even think we didn't get back on the horse
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: until the baby was out of the room.
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm not varied.
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: Both kids were different.
• 8:45
  Speaker 2: Laura was like, let's do it, and I was like,
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: oh tonight, your eyes are you sure? Like we really
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: want to do this is this, And then it was
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: like I always find it hard. Pardon the punt. I
• 8:59
  Speaker 2: just think in that find it hard when it's like
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: premeditated sex.
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah, when it's like you like the.
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: Spontaneous, I like it to just be like I don't
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: like birthday parties, okay, and I'm going to give you
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: a little Okay, birthday parties, it's premeditated fun. I want
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: it to be like money and it's a lot of money.
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: And there's a clean up afterwards. I'm putting them together already, Okay.
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: But you know when it's you know, I would love
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: There's nothing I enjoy more than it's say I bump.
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: Into you and we have sex.
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: But if we bump into each other, we have lunch,
• 9:42
  Speaker 2: We then have a couple of drinks, we have a
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: great night.
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: And then.
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: But when it's like we will have fun on the
• 9:50
  Speaker 2: sixth of January at precisely six pm, you will be
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: there and you're like, you just know some people don't
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: want to be there. It's the pressure is there.
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And it's like you don't know how you're gonna
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: feel in two weeks time.
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: Yes, I could be dead exactly.
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: I don't want to miss that appointment.
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: And the morning of Laura was like as she was,
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: you know, having breakfast and I was heating out the door.
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: She's like, heye, tonight's the night. And I was like,
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: oh god, why do they do that?
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: Because then you're just walking around all day.
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: I couldn't think. I couldn't do anything. I know, I couldn't.
• 10:20
  Speaker 2: I had to have an empty stomach, and it was like,
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: I don't want to.
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you're grouchy.
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: Arouse you ended up eating it. But I was like,
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: all right, like this is it hopped in the bed
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: and I was.
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: Like nervous heart right, sugar, and I.
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: Was like, so.
• 10:38
  Speaker 4: It was.
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: But we knew as awkward as it was, we both
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: we we have to we have to find out, I
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: how to rekindle, get back into the rhythm of the activities.
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: Because otherwise you could fall into and it does happen.
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: And it's normal. Don't don't get me wrong. It's normal
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: because obviously life gets in the way. It's it's people
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: fall into the roommate.
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: It's for one of a better word, it's like the
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: non critical element to do list.
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, you know, I think, I think, and it's
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: always and can I just.
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: Say, I don't know how other people have sex. We
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: are nighttime sex people most of the time. For you,
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: most of the time. We have on occasions back in
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: the day, had daytime sex, which I love that.
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: I call it business time business time sex because it's
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: during business hours. It's nine to five Monday to Friday.
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: The best That was a really good thing about COVID.
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, sorry to throw it on the bus. They're
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: actul there's a bit of business time. I just got
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: in a calendar. It's just got like midday meeting.
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: She's like put this here, and you're like tapping on
• 11:41
  Speaker 2: the shoulder.
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: Remember I did that. I put it in the calendar
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: because my wife is an EA and she's everything is about.
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: Everything is about except for except for sex. It's kind
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: of like it's more like every day. I'm like, maybe
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: today's the day. I did that in the calendar, and
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: it was I gotta go on sir calendars and apples.
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: A simple woman. But we Yeah, I think when it's
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: the when it's the very last thing that you have
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: to do in the day, sometimes it's easy to go
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: I'll do it tomorrow, yeah, and then you the next
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: day and then it's been a week and then it's
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: been a month or.
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: One of the kids is sick. There's so many very variables.
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's so they're variables ash endless, great word, too
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: many variables.
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: All the stars have to align, it.
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: Has to, you know. And also it's best when it
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: happens when it's no colder than eighteen degrees, no warmer
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: than twenty four degrees. And also I'm worried that I'm
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: going to hurt my wife because it's like, fuck, you know,
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: you've just you've been through yeah, childbirths a lot like
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: are you sure you want something? Back? In there?
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: Every dural still and every dural this morning.
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: And it's this is in the room, and I'm like,
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: Dr Tim, and did I just pay for? But hey,
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: we did it, We did it. We both enjoyed it.
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: I think, yeah, I think I think it's going to
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: be hard to enjoy the first time after anyway, because
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: like you said, there's a lot of physiological things in
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: play here.
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: So good for you guys, thank you and look, and
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: it's just nice as well to have such an intimate
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: moment be shared amongst so many all the words of
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: support that people are sent in you know, it's it's
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: really lovely.
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: My question was what position and what did I think?
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: Belly to belly.
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: Damn, Maddie Acton. Is there anything else?
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: I said, I overheard some gen z talking about different positions,
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: but I have no proof. Oh well there are other positions, Matthew.
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: I guarantee you that breaking news. Yes, we have some
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: breaking news.
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: When people ask me, what's your news source? Is it
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: like the Guardian? Is it news dot Com? Is at
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: Delhi Mail? And I say it's Ashwicks.
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and I get it from Instagram, So you know
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: it's coming from credible sources.
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: If there's anything that's worth knowing, you're going to tell me.
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I canna see right now, here's the headline. Mom
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: of three boys tries for a girl. Oh that's beautiful.
• 14:12
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: Nice.
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: Instead she gets pregnant with three triplet boys.
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: Ah, what has she done to deserve that? I don't
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: have bad calm in a past life. You're being punished.
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: You have a basketball team now, like literally, it's here
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: we go. So Hannah Hannah. When Hannah A learned she
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: was pregnant, she and her partner Jacob were both excited
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: and a little nervous, as you would as you would be. Yeah,
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: already parents are three boys, age eleven, four and one.
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: Oh my god. Hannah had convinced her fiance to have
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: one more child, hopeful it might be a girl. But
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: as that as the anticipation of the gender loomed, this
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: article's great. At the first ultrasound eight weeks, everything turned
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: upside down and she was pregnant with three more boys.
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: Jesus my god, the testosterone in that house.
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: Your life's over.
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: It is like one of world's biggest gambles. I would say, like,
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: if you're going into it, going, are we going to
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: go one more? Because we really want to go and
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: gray everyone each to their.
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: Own just say like we're just going one more.
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: Just like just get a female dog. Yeah, you know
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: what you're getting it like.
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: But ultrasound for Poppy, I remember being like very quickly
• 15:37
  Speaker 2: being like how many heart beats are the obviously just
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: wanted to make sure the heartbeat was like good and
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: happy and healthy. But then when she said there was
• 15:43
  Speaker 2: only one, I was like.
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: Yes, I know, I know, I just I can't imagine, like,
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: you know, hearing all these stories of like you like
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: like the vasectomy story, and then they're like we accidentally
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: felt pregnancy pregnant and we had triples and.
• 15:57
  Speaker 2: We had octuplets. And you're like, everyone's got a story
• 16:01
  Speaker 2: of like someone in the area who like they tried
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: one last time and fourteen children.
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: It's kind of like that. Everyone. Yeah, everyone has that story. Yeah,
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: what about I read an article the other day on Instagram.
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: This one was on TikTok, so it's incredible and it
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: was woman pregnant with twins but both had different fathers.
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: How does that work?
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: Are you trying to put in two stories into the
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: one episode.
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: I just thought about that and I was like, I
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: think the double penetration is really think that one.
• 16:26
  Speaker 2: We actually did have someone say that our last story
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: about the guy who got the mum and the daughter pregnant,
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: they said that was fake. Well, that's that's not on us. Sorry,
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: I'm not attacking you.
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: That's not on me.
• 16:38
  Speaker 2: I don't want you. I don't know if you've been
• 16:39
  Speaker 2: copping fake news, but just you know.
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: Just just be where people are.
• 16:44
  Speaker 2: Questioning your sources.
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: Question away, question away, ay ash.
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: Yes, I recently was involved at an awards show. Oh yes,
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: the TikTok Awards speak event. Those of you who are
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: not familiar TikTok as a social media platform.
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah, where I get my news from.
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: And they do it every year the last five years.
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: And I got a call. I got a call and
• 17:11
  Speaker 2: it was asking me if I wanted to be involved
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: in the TikTok Awards. And I was like, do you
• 17:16
  Speaker 2: know what. I wasn't going to attend this year. We've
• 17:20
  Speaker 2: been to a couple Yeah, you know, we're a bit
• 17:22
  Speaker 2: old now, yeah, a lot of people with like five
• 17:26
  Speaker 2: thousand people, A lot of people.
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: There in the room, honestly, and also we are we're
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: you know, other than kids look after bro. Yeah, but
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: I don't want to yeah, exactly right. I've got kids
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: at home. I don't want to go to an award
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: show and look after the kids at the war award
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: show exactly.
• 17:38
  Speaker 2: But I got the call and I was like, I'll
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: be honest, I was quite flattered to get the call,
• 17:44
  Speaker 2: the invitation to be involved in the event. And at
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: first I was like, am I nominated? Answer was no,
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: no nomination? And I said, well, am I presenting an award?
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: And they said no. And I was like okay, Well,
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: like what am I doing? What do you want to
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: do that? Can you clean up after the show and
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: they said, we need someone. We need someone before the
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: show starts. We need someone to be there on stage
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: to do a bit of housekeeping. But more important, you
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: are good at that. I was like, will you come
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: to the right planet.
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah, the house has been kid And.
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: Then they said, we just need someone because there's not
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: really allocated seats. Some seats are reserved, but like majority
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: of seats just you come in first in best dressed,
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: pick your seat, and as people do, they sit at
• 18:33
  Speaker 2: the very back or the very front. The middle is
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: always a bit sparse. People sit on the outer seats,
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: not the middle seats. They say, we need someone to
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: be on stage to just direct people if you spot
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: little gaps, get people to move either in or down
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: from the back.
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: How did that go?
• 18:49
  Speaker 2: And I was like, I thought to myself, like that'd
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: be fun, that'd be great. I'd love to do it. Yeah,
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: I'm your guy.
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: Everyone's going to be respectful. They're adults.
• 18:58
  Speaker 2: And I look back and I think, gosh, I was
• 19:01
  Speaker 2: so naive and dumb.
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: What happened?
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: Well, turns out people don't like moving seats, people don't
• 19:08
  Speaker 2: like to be told to do people do not And
• 19:11
  Speaker 2: also when people are sitting down. You sit down in
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: your seat and your chat for a bit and you
• 19:17
  Speaker 2: get comfy.
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: You're in You're getting a butt group.
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: And they were like, look, run through some housekeeping. There's like,
• 19:22
  Speaker 2: you know, the bar, toilets, the seating, It'll be like
• 19:25
  Speaker 2: five minutes. And I was like, cool, not a problem anyway.
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: So I'm trying to get people to move seats. No
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: one moves a single seat. I don't think I got
• 19:32
  Speaker 2: one single person to move their seat. And I was
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: like oh, and so then I'm kind of going through
• 19:37
  Speaker 2: the housekeeping and then I kind of look off and
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: they're like there's a big timer and they're like, we
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: need five more minutes.
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: Oh god.
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: And I'm there on stage being like, can you all
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: play move seats? No one's fucking moving. Yeah, And then
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: I got five more minutes to fill in front of
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: five thousand people, and I'm like, i gotta talk about
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: toilets now. And I'm like, if you're wondering, we have
• 19:59
  Speaker 2: toilets here at the venue. And I just like, my
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: brain just said I've got a line for here.
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: Oh god, never trust your brain. I've always said that before.
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: I tell you what I said this morning. I saw
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: a video on TikTok and gave me an indication of
• 20:19
  Speaker 2: how well it was received.
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: Okay, TikTok awards.
• 20:22
  Speaker 5: A couple of impressions might get me in trouble. Last night,
• 20:26
  Speaker 5: I reattended my utene formal. I feel like it was
• 20:29
  Speaker 5: quite a tacky event. The host started with, who's done
• 20:34
  Speaker 5: a shit tonight? Let's give a round of applause for
• 20:37
  Speaker 5: the toilets.
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, that's good gear. Right? Did you say, ok,
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: how did it go?
• 20:48
  Speaker 2: Tell me just keep just line for line Okay, I said,
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: if you're wondering, yes, there are toilets here at the venue.
• 20:54
  Speaker 2: A round of applause for the toilets, and I said,
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: has anyone done a ship tonight? Make some noise?
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: Anyone make any noise?
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: A couple of people?
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: Did you shame them?
• 21:07
  Speaker 2: And I was like, do you think you'll do a second?
• 21:10
  Speaker 2: Didn't get that many last but I was like, it's
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: going to push through a kick going.
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: Five minutes of toilet humor? Oh my goodness.
• 21:17
  Speaker 4: And you know what?
• 21:17
  Speaker 2: I was going to ask Laura. She's my sounding board
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: for whether or not I should say something or not.
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: And I didn't ask because I'm like, I know what
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: she's going to say, because they don't say that, And
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: I was like, it'll get a giggle, it'll get a laugh.
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: Is it bad?
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: One laugh? I thought you were going to say, then
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: I want a brand of course with a toilet for
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: all the shit they take.
• 21:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that would have been.
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: Yes, that's what I were you me Vegas. Look, I
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: don't think that's that bad. And honestly, I'm surprised with
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: the amount of adolescents that were in that building that
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: no one really cacked up about that, Like, you're a
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: substitute teacher's talking about shit.
• 21:54
  Speaker 2: Will I be invited back on stage? Probably not.
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: I think you'll get an even better gig off the
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: back of that. Probably be like, you know what, because
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: you didn't have much time to turn this around. No, no,
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: I feel like.
• 22:06
  Speaker 2: I feel like in the moment, I was like, it's
• 22:08
  Speaker 2: just me and you brain hit me with your best gear.
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: You should have got me on the phone ashes here.
• 22:17
  Speaker 2: Look, speaking of Vegas, Vegas, I want to hear about Vegas.
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: Well, let's start off.
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: By just saying, must be nice in Vegas.
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: It was very nice. It was lovely. I had decided
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: to treat myself to a trip to Vegas to watch
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: the F one.
• 22:36
  Speaker 2: Was it like an anniversary gift for you?
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: In April? It was? It was a joint birthday. We
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: didn't really do anything for our birthdays this year, like
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: for each other. Hers was this month in November, and
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: I thought, there's a race in Vegas, and.
• 22:48
  Speaker 2: May I just clarify one thing. So for April you
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: went to Vegas, you went to a football game, an
• 22:56
  Speaker 2: NFL game in Vegas. You went to the Formula one
• 22:58
  Speaker 2: in Vegas.
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: For April, we saw Tom Segura for April. April bash Okay, okay, No,
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: April and I have there's not a lot of things
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: that we have shared interest other than sex. You said
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: it not me, but yes, but we you know, we
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: both enjoy the drama of F one. We like F
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: one the glamour of it too. It's nice to peak
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: peek in and I love an experience. I can't sit still.
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: You know that I need to have something on the radar.
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: And that was that was it, and I thought, I'm
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: gonna I'm gonna go all out and do it. It's
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: a night race. It's in Vegas. It's that you know,
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: you get there's there's people playing like people like machine
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: mg K, who thoughts amazing really really loved it. Also,
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: he was really good t Pain, so he's really wound
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: the clock back. His dance moves are bang on. His
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: show was very good. I wasn't expecting much because you
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: know how a lot of bad pain. Yeah, and you
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: know how like can I just reminded me one second
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: to sing his song Shorty go Low Low Low. That's
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: eight banger, that one.
• 24:12
  Speaker 6: Ah yeah, that's the one, the foom.
• 24:28
  Speaker 2: Go We're so white.
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah. People watching this and is just dancing with
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: the starts. He was great. He was very good. He's
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: like the showmanship on him because he's obviously a bit
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: more mature now. And he's the thing is, he's got
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: such a great voice, Like he didn't need any of
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: that auto tune back in the day, or he might
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: have been back in the day, but since then he's
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: really grown into his voice.
• 24:51
  Speaker 2: You don't need it, tear Pain.
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: It was me. I was just like, you don't need
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: you don't need machines.
• 25:01
  Speaker 2: We just want you.
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: We just want you to beat your authentic self.
• 25:04
  Speaker 2: I want.
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: I came getting shirt anyway, we did that. We saw
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: Toms of gur Or too. He's very funny and he's
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: two bears one cave, so him and Bert. But great
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: trip with great people.
• 25:25
  Speaker 2: As you did see, people have been asking me, is
• 25:28
  Speaker 2: ash about to start only fans just because I.
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: Have friends in the adult industry.
• 25:33
  Speaker 2: My mom was like, is that guy? What is the
• 25:36
  Speaker 2: girth master? Here is a big dick hanging out with
• 25:39
  Speaker 2: the girth master, with the girth master who is a
• 25:42
  Speaker 2: male performer.
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: He's a male performer with browsers, as you can tell
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: by the T shirt that I'm wearing. I have met
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: him before. I stayed with him last time I was
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: in l A great guy from North Queensland, just a
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: very humble to the earth. He is really and I
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: met his girlfriend who is lovely as well. But one
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: of the best weekends of my life. I will just
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: say that straight up. And it kicked off really, really well.
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: So the day before I got cheeky and you know, man'
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: a cheeky bugger flying over with quantas. You can bid
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: for upgrades and you never get it. You never do
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: because it's so like business class, ridiculously expensive for what
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: it is. It's bloody lovely, but it's very like I'm
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: not going to spend ten grand to go one way,
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: one way, Matthew. So there was an option to bid.
• 26:27
  Speaker 2: As much as you like. For a split second, you
• 26:30
  Speaker 2: like try and convince yourself like, well, I could justify it,
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: and then you're like, what am I fucking doing?
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: I know, I'm just like I could use the points.
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: But I was like, I'll I'll be cheeky and I'll
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: bid the minimum amount. At least I tried, you know.
• 26:47
  Speaker 2: I put my hat in the ring.
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Anyway, the day before I get an email saying, oh,
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: your bid was unsuccessful, and I was like, no surprise,
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: no surprise, but that was for premium. And then within
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: a second I got an email from Business Class saying
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: your off has been accepted.
• 27:05
  Speaker 2: Like, is there any email that is greater than that? No,
• 27:09
  Speaker 2: that is going to be like when you're trying to
• 27:12
  Speaker 2: find your keys and you finally find them, Like those
• 27:14
  Speaker 2: feelings that it.
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: Just especially as a tired parent, as a tired dad. Yes,
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: I got to ring April up and I said, I said, hey,
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: you're not.
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: Going to believe this.
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: She's like, what have you done. I was like, I've
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: got good news for you and me, and I stupidly
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: I should have fucked with her way more. I could have. Really,
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: you could have done the whole there's one seat. What
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: do you want to do? I could I look, honestly,
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: I think I should take I could have done all that.
• 27:46
  Speaker 2: Or you could have done the wholesome like she doesn't
• 27:48
  Speaker 2: know it yet, but she's about I could have.
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: But I'm but you got excited. I'm excited and that
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: fills my cup when I get to tell someone that, hey,
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: you're going to experience something, and that's because of me
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: and my childish and stupid ways. So we started off great.
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: It just made the leaving the kids even easier anyway,
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: and we get on the plane. It's beautiful. Everyone's really nice.
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: I kind of felt like, do they know that like
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: one is on the bead or do they become important
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: and have the money for this?
• 28:22
  Speaker 2: You've got the like the broken seat. Yeah, yeah, you
• 28:25
  Speaker 2: only get half the meals.
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: I got to pay for the meals. Still would have
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: done it. Anything to lay down that high in the
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: air is that, you know? Like it's great? So that
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: was good. We get there. Unfortunately, as what happens when
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: you fight to America and connecting flights because of their populations.
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: Three hundred and forty three million people, it's a lot.
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: There's delays in cancelations, so we were delayed, which you know,
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: but it gave us, being a business, access to the
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: first lounge in America. So we had six hours in
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: the first class lounge. In that lounge, people were definitely
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: like you belong and I was like, thank God, I
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: don't belong here, your pompers wanker. Anyway, we went to
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: the F one amazing, rained a little bit. It was
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: freezing over there, but it was did a helicopter over
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: Vegas the whole bit. And the first night we were
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: there because it was a night race at the Sphere
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: and all this sort of stuff, I was like a
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: kid in the candy store, man, Like you couldn't wipe
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: the smile off my fat. April was like, I don't
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: think I've ever seen you this happy. I was just
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: in my element. It was great. Got invited to the
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: Raiders game, which was a nice touch. And then flying home.
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: There's an expression I like to use. It's called going
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: from the penthouse to the shit house.
• 29:30
  Speaker 2: Yep.
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: And look, we were like, we've had such a great weekend,
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: we're tired, We're going to get on this flight. Yeah,
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: it's in economy whatever.
• 29:40
  Speaker 2: I don't belong here.
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: That's I was like, I'm not one of you. I
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: was like, I was wiping it down. I didn't just
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: have to sit in economy. I have to God, I
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: didn't just sit in an economy like. I was like, look,
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: I know that was an experience that I have to member,
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: but have to know where I belong. And I do
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: belong in the economy. You know, you put the yard
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: dogs in the yard. Anyway, I get on the plane
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: and I'm like, okay, I'm in the main cabin. Great, beautiful.
• 30:12
  Speaker 2: May I ask middle or you like on the side
• 30:16
  Speaker 2: of the window where I seated.
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: Well, I purchase seats so that we could be in
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: the two two seater just with each other, so it's
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: like there's no one else, just so that we can
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: be a bit more comfortable, right, And that's fine.
• 30:31
  Speaker 2: I thought maybe the configuration two three two what's the.
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: It was two four two two two at the back,
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: like at the back of the main cabin. Yes, but
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: the main cabin, and they went up to forty four,
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: So I'm like, okay, so it must be there must
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: be another cabin. Like you know how the quantus has
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: the two story plane. You're up top, and I was like, Okay,
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: I can't be that bad. Whatever, It'll be fine, just
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: the two of us. Anyway, I get on the plane
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: and I keep going back and back and back. I'm
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: the second last seat, so I literally went from the
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: front of the plane to the very back of the plane.
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: My seat wouldn't recline. Oh the cushion had had three
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: thousand bums on it. I had literally chafed up from
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: my butt to the under my kneecap because of the
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: seat was so uncomfortable. Fourteen hours of no sleep and
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: literally like I could not get comfortable one bit. The
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: guy in front of April, his bo was off the
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: Richter like immediately. And the guy in front of me, who,
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: I know, you have made my life more comfortable by
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: fighting on aeroplanes on long haul fights, domestic long haul.
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: Fine jinx. The guy in front of me, I don't
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: know what he ate, but the thing is he put
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: on his bag on his lap and he used that
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: the whole time, like, which is smart, very smart, very smart,
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: But he was just latinum fly. So for fourteen hours
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: from the penthouse to the ship house, and I think
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: April and I at one point were like, do.
• 32:06
  Speaker 2: You think it's better to have would you would you
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: go that way? Would you flip it?
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: Flip it? You'd flip it. I think the I think
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: the excitement of the trip makes the economy worthwhile fine, manageable,
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: and it is. Look, honestly, economy is fine these days,
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: Like especially on a forty hour flight. All the food's free,
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: the drinks are free, everything's free.
• 32:25
  Speaker 2: To convince me bro tough.
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: Anyway, so I had a couple of gummies just to
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: get to sleep. Didn't work, so I was just high
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: the whole time. Anyway, we made it back in one
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: piece and I look aged, but one of the one
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: of the best weekends, apart from the chafe on my ass.
• 32:42
  Speaker 2: Did you bid on business on the way back?
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: I couldn't because I paid for the flights over and
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: the points got me home, and I was so close
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: and I'm actually lucky I didn't do it. There were
• 32:56
  Speaker 1: seats available in premium economy for the flight home with
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: American Airlines, and I was like, I'm just going to
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: get that. I need I need something because you know,
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: like I've flown premium before and it's it is a
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: little bit better, and it was like five grand I
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: was like, and then I didn't do it, and I
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: got on the plane and saw that it was not
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: going to be worth it. So back I went.
• 33:19
  Speaker 2: How was it coming home with the kids?
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: It was good, man, I really I really missed them.
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: Actually I missed them on the way home.
• 33:27
  Speaker 2: When you were like dying in the back of the plane.
• 33:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah, when the head noise came, I was like, oh god,
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: I with my kids. You know, it was a good trip. Like,
• 33:34
  Speaker 1: we were so action packed. We didn't really have a
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: moment to sit and go. I really miss a kid.
• 33:39
  Speaker 1: But we spoke to them a few times. But like, man,
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: they loved having like Nan and Pop stay over there.
• 33:44
  Speaker 1: And yeah, they had their own fun. You know, they're
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: getting bloody chocolates and shit. And I came back and
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: Oscar's got like fifty bucks. I was like, what the
• 33:51
  Speaker 1: hell you got more money than.
• 33:52
  Speaker 4: Me from who?
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: Just people bribing him? Wow. Anyway, but it was great trip,
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: and I'm back. I'm here.
• 33:59
  Speaker 2: It's good to have you back.
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: Thank you.
• 34:01
  Speaker 2: I was worried sick you enjoying yourself over there in Vegas.
• 34:05
  Speaker 2: Ash in Vegas makes Maddie Jay a nervous person. Oh yeah, yeah,
• 34:09
  Speaker 2: and look I was I was like, do you know
• 34:10
  Speaker 2: why he's with April. He's in safe and the girths
• 34:12
  Speaker 2: and the girth Master very safe hands. I should have
• 34:15
  Speaker 2: a moment if I may.
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: Go for it.
• 34:17
  Speaker 2: Big event yesterday, go on. Doesn't get any bigger than this.
• 34:21
  Speaker 2: We celebrated the graduation of Lola Johnson from daycare.
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: Congratulations, it's a it's a big step. And people without
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: kids don't understand.
• 34:32
  Speaker 2: If you went to me before I had kids and
• 34:34
  Speaker 2: you said one of the most emotional experiences of your
• 34:37
  Speaker 2: young life as a parent will be when you go
• 34:40
  Speaker 2: to a graduation from daycare, I'd say, shouldn't you celebrate
• 34:43
  Speaker 2: that you're not paying the fees anymore? Like why is
• 34:45
  Speaker 2: that emotional? And like, dude, I was standing there. I
• 34:48
  Speaker 2: have my glasses on because I had a couple of tears.
• 34:51
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah. Like it's a weird combination of pride, yes, change, yeah,
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: comfortability and it's and not knowing what's next.
• 35:02
  Speaker 2: And parenting is this weird contrast of you want your
• 35:07
  Speaker 2: kids to grow up and become more independent and it
• 35:10
  Speaker 2: gets a little bit easier, and then at the same time,
• 35:13
  Speaker 2: the whiplash to that is then going, oh my gosh,
• 35:16
  Speaker 2: they've changed so much from that little child, that little
• 35:18
  Speaker 2: baby that I was once nurturing. Every year they grow
• 35:21
  Speaker 2: a little bit older. They no longer need me as
• 35:24
  Speaker 2: much as a parent.
• 35:24
  Speaker 1: And also, like you're doing, you're in that moment and
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: your iPhone goes here's a memory from three years ago,
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: and you're like, god, I don't know, I'm already feeling
• 35:35
  Speaker 1: emotional because of I mean that the change, the growth,
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: and then yeah, also like the unknown, and then you
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: get the look look at the little baby, like my.
• 35:44
  Speaker 2: Little girl who couldn't even put her shoes on in
• 35:46
  Speaker 2: the morning, couldn't brush her hair, you know, this morning,
• 35:49
  Speaker 2: the morning when she was getting ready for the graduation,
• 35:51
  Speaker 2: she was like, I want to do my own hair.
• 35:53
  Speaker 2: I'm putting my shoes on and they're on the wrong feet,
• 35:58
  Speaker 2: but that's fine, And yeah, it's such a big deal.
• 36:01
  Speaker 2: You look around and like, you know, every parent pretty
• 36:05
  Speaker 2: much was like wiping a tear as the child stood
• 36:08
  Speaker 2: there and like waved to us from the graduation seat,
• 36:11
  Speaker 2: and you're like, oh my god, one.
• 36:14
  Speaker 1: Of one's going to be like when they move out. Oh,
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: And it's like I always joke about like, oh, I
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: can't wait for to move that. But it's a joke.
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: I mean, I'm going to be absolutely rattled when Oscar
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: and Macy move out of my house. Like watch that
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: video of Bert Krysher crying because his kids have all
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: flown the nest after college, and I'm like, why's that
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: go crying? I understand why he would be so emotional.
• 36:36
  Speaker 2: And I thought I thought experiencing the graduation first time
• 36:39
  Speaker 2: with Marley, which was emotional, I thought second time around,
• 36:41
  Speaker 2: it might be a little bit easier you're experienced, and
• 36:44
  Speaker 2: it's not. It hits even harder now because you're like,
• 36:47
  Speaker 2: this is the last time that she's ever going to
• 36:49
  Speaker 2: step foot in a daycare from this moment on. She's
• 36:52
  Speaker 2: in school, and I know that when Poppy graduates, oh
• 36:56
  Speaker 2: my gosh.
• 36:57
  Speaker 1: I know I got one more year with Macy at
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: her daycare and that'll kill me. Yeah, And that'll absolutely
• 37:04
  Speaker 1: And also just.
• 37:05
  Speaker 2: The look of pride on their face when they stand
• 37:08
  Speaker 2: there holding the graduation certificate and you like.
• 37:12
  Speaker 1: It's hard. Yeah, it's a weird combination. And if you,
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: like you said, if you don't have kids, you won't
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: you don't understand that feeling it's not a sad. It's
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: kind of a bit sad, but it's also a bit
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: like pride.
• 37:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a blend of both ends of the spectrum
• 37:27
  Speaker 2: of being incredibly proud, but also like God, it's so emotional.
• 37:32
  Speaker 1: It's an orgy of emotions.
• 37:35
  Speaker 2: Also, big shout outs all the kids out there who
• 37:38
  Speaker 2: were either gone through the graduation or about to have
• 37:40
  Speaker 2: the graduation from daycare. It's a very emotional time and
• 37:44
  Speaker 2: it's also very emotional for the parents, not just because
• 37:47
  Speaker 2: they are saying goodbye to daycare and it's a big
• 37:49
  Speaker 2: step up into school, but because of the time of
• 37:51
  Speaker 2: the graduation.
• 37:53
  Speaker 1: Okay, what do you mean.
• 37:54
  Speaker 2: So we've previously had a graduation for Marley where it
• 37:58
  Speaker 2: was on I think a Thursday or a Friday. It
• 38:00
  Speaker 2: was on at five o'clock and it ran for a
• 38:02
  Speaker 2: couple hours, I think around like seven seven thirty. Yeah,
• 38:04
  Speaker 2: the graduation you've got a pizza, you know, oh yeah,
• 38:08
  Speaker 2: and then and that was fine. It was a tricky
• 38:10
  Speaker 2: because you don't get you know, the kids are hungry
• 38:12
  Speaker 2: and it's hied, so it's you know, it's tricky. The
• 38:15
  Speaker 2: graduation we had the other day at our daycare was
• 38:18
  Speaker 2: at eleven o'clock.
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: At night, I was gonna say in Vegas.
• 38:25
  Speaker 2: And for us, I mean it was on a Thursday,
• 38:27
  Speaker 2: and I've got Lola on a Thursday anyway, So for
• 38:29
  Speaker 2: me it doesn't put me out because yeah, it's great,
• 38:32
  Speaker 2: it's fine, it's like it's something to do, whereas one
• 38:36
  Speaker 2: day I've been on the WhatsApp chat for daycare and
• 38:38
  Speaker 2: then there's like one hundred and fifty messages. Parents were kicking.
• 38:42
  Speaker 1: Off about the time because and I get it.
• 38:44
  Speaker 2: If you if you've paid the money to have your
• 38:47
  Speaker 2: kid on a Thursday at daycare, you've then got to
• 38:50
  Speaker 2: leave work. You've got to then do the graduation. The
• 38:53
  Speaker 2: graduation is going to run for like an hour and
• 38:54
  Speaker 2: a half right in the.
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: Middle of it because lunch break.
• 38:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but then you're not going to leave your kid
• 38:59
  Speaker 2: at day people are going to do the graduation and
• 39:02
  Speaker 2: then take the kid home. Yeah that because you can't.
• 39:05
  Speaker 2: You can't be like hey, here I am and then like,
• 39:07
  Speaker 2: well I'll be back in a couple of hours. Parents
• 39:09
  Speaker 2: were chicking off absolutely filthy.
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: Why why why did they do that?
• 39:17
  Speaker 2: They said that, like they've done it the other way
• 39:19
  Speaker 2: in the past. Keep everyone happy.
• 39:21
  Speaker 1: Bullshit. They didn't want to pay overs. Do you reckon? Yeah,
• 39:26
  Speaker 1: after five o'clock overs on a on a preschool teacher
• 39:28
  Speaker 1: must be diabolical, right, it'd be double time and a
• 39:31
  Speaker 1: half or some ship.
• 39:32
  Speaker 2: So they said, well, whether we do it either which way,
• 39:35
  Speaker 2: we get the same complaints. We can't keep everyone happy.
• 39:37
  Speaker 1: Just do it, just live stream it.
• 39:42
  Speaker 2: It was nice to do. The teacher she you know,
• 39:44
  Speaker 2: when she said goodbye to the kids, she got emotional,
• 39:47
  Speaker 2: and it's nice to know the level of an investment.
• 39:49
  Speaker 2: When the daycare teacher she was acting, she went, I
• 39:53
  Speaker 2: was like, didn't actually see she's like she did the
• 39:56
  Speaker 2: old like, oh, that's nice. She was nice.
• 40:00
  Speaker 1: There are some really.
• 40:01
  Speaker 2: Nice tea But then they also have like each kid
• 40:05
  Speaker 2: has their little like a little scroll of something. I
• 40:08
  Speaker 2: don't I don't know what was written on it, but
• 40:10
  Speaker 2: they're like, let's have Timmy come up.
• 40:12
  Speaker 1: It is Harvard.
• 40:13
  Speaker 2: My god, I just I liked it. But then the
• 40:16
  Speaker 2: teacher would read out a couple of words about Timmy
• 40:19
  Speaker 2: and like some kids had these beautiful like and this
• 40:23
  Speaker 2: is Sarah. Sarah is one of the warmest children who
• 40:26
  Speaker 2: was friends to all smile on your face and we're
• 40:30
  Speaker 2: going to miss her fun games and a hula hooping
• 40:33
  Speaker 2: in the backyard. And then some You're like, obviously like
• 40:36
  Speaker 2: a naughty kid. They're like, and this is Sean who
• 40:39
  Speaker 2: we will miss.
• 40:41
  Speaker 1: See off all the put them all in one. This
• 40:44
  Speaker 1: is Jus, Jack, Jacob, James and Jim So.
• 40:49
  Speaker 2: And I was like, oh, you want to like keep
• 40:52
  Speaker 2: it even.
• 40:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think like it's like for them to have
• 40:56
  Speaker 1: to give a little spiel on every kid is a
• 40:58
  Speaker 1: bit march and like what about okay, what about Marley?
• 41:02
  Speaker 1: Like coming to the end of the first year of school,
• 41:04
  Speaker 1: do they have like an end.
• 41:05
  Speaker 2: Of year They've got the Big Assembly, yes, and Big
• 41:09
  Speaker 2: Assembly next week. I don't know what happens. I'm sure
• 41:11
  Speaker 2: I'm going to fucking sit through like recorded performances and
• 41:14
  Speaker 2: dance performances in the school choir.
• 41:16
  Speaker 1: What days sho was? Next week? U same?
• 41:20
  Speaker 2: Are you cheer Tuesday?
• 41:21
  Speaker 1: And Oscar's getting an award? I don't know what for, Like, man,
• 41:26
  Speaker 1: let's get my wife on the phone floor out because
• 41:27
  Speaker 1: she would know. I unsubscribed to the emails and deleted
• 41:31
  Speaker 1: the WhatsApp group because I don't have time for that.
• 41:35
  Speaker 1: Hey here you going, Hey April, how are you?
• 41:38
  Speaker 5: Oh?
• 41:38
  Speaker 1: Hey, hey, quick question for you.
• 41:42
  Speaker 2: Oh, firstly, your trip look great by the way it was.
• 41:46
  Speaker 1: It was so fun. So for the flight home with
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: old Fardy McGee and bo boys in front of it. Yeah,
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: I've already forgotten about the bad stuff. Good, that's good.
• 41:55
  Speaker 1: That's what I want to hear. Hey, Oscar's getting an award?
• 42:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 42:01
  Speaker 1: What is that award?
• 42:02
  Speaker 5: For?
• 42:03
  Speaker 1: Valor? Victorian?
• 42:04
  Speaker 2: Whatever it's called?
• 42:06
  Speaker 1: Just what so ducks? I'm joking.
• 42:11
  Speaker 2: Sorry, that was my dream last night.
• 42:13
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, Victorian, some weird dreams. Girl. Uh, now
• 42:18
  Speaker 1: do you know what it's for or no?
• 42:21
  Speaker 2: Just stop? Told he's getting an award.
• 42:22
  Speaker 6: I think it's just because he is the smartest kid
• 42:25
  Speaker 6: in the class.
• 42:26
  Speaker 2: There you go, that's amazing. Congratulations.
• 42:29
  Speaker 1: He's probably just like attended every.
• 42:31
  Speaker 2: Day he gets the attendance award. I'm that mum that
• 42:37
  Speaker 2: just thinks her child's the bee's knees.
• 42:39
  Speaker 1: So fair enough, you got it.
• 42:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and he is a great kid.
• 42:43
  Speaker 1: I don't want to meet the parents like my kid.
• 42:46
  Speaker 1: He sucks. You don't want to meet that parent? All right? Well,
• 42:51
  Speaker 1: thank you. I thought you had more answers than that,
• 42:53
  Speaker 1: but clearly not. No, I don't I don't think we're
• 42:55
  Speaker 1: meant to know.
• 42:56
  Speaker 2: I think it's a surprise for us.
• 42:58
  Speaker 1: Oh okay, well next week, Yeah, big day, big day
• 43:03
  Speaker 1: for all of us.
• 43:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Put in the calendar.
• 43:05
  Speaker 1: How did I'll put it right after sexual intercourse in
• 43:11
  Speaker 1: the calendar. Great? How did makeson go? Ballet?
• 43:17
  Speaker 2: She did really well?
• 43:18
  Speaker 5: Concert is next week?
• 43:20
  Speaker 1: Already to ballet classes and we're ready for a concert.
• 43:23
  Speaker 1: I what sort of children I'm breeding? Just as super
• 43:27
  Speaker 1: athletes the bee's knees. All right, Well, leave you to it.
• 43:33
  Speaker 2: All right, Wait, that's exciting.
• 43:36
  Speaker 1: I'm excited.
• 43:37
  Speaker 2: Let us know next week. I am bloody petrified of
• 43:41
  Speaker 2: I'm like my little lalla. I just hope she's going
• 43:43
  Speaker 2: to do okay at school next year.
• 43:44
  Speaker 1: She's a bruiser, man, she's a bruiser. I think she'd
• 43:47
  Speaker 1: be good, she'd be fine.
• 43:48
  Speaker 2: She's excited.
• 43:49
  Speaker 1: She because she's she turns five in fab fab second
• 43:53
  Speaker 1: and school starts the week before that. So she's gonna
• 43:56
  Speaker 1: be fine. She's going to go straight in and slide
• 43:59
  Speaker 1: straight in, I promise, And if not, I'll go after
• 44:02
  Speaker 1: whoever it is.
• 44:03
  Speaker 2: Can I just say there was one there's one little child,
• 44:07
  Speaker 2: and she gave a couple of gifts. One to my
• 44:10
  Speaker 2: niece and one to Lola, and it was thank you
• 44:12
  Speaker 2: for being my best friend at daycare.
• 44:14
  Speaker 1: Oh that's sign.
• 44:15
  Speaker 2: And it was a book about here of the ten
• 44:17
  Speaker 2: reasons why you're my best friend. Kids are so good
• 44:20
  Speaker 2: and I was like that is amazing. But I was
• 44:23
  Speaker 2: also liked was a can wrap it now? And I
• 44:26
  Speaker 2: was like, oh, yeah, sure, And then she was going
• 44:29
  Speaker 2: around to everyone being like look what I just got
• 44:31
  Speaker 2: and then did you get one? Well that's all good.
• 44:33
  Speaker 2: How are you check out this book? And I was like,
• 44:35
  Speaker 2: oh no, I'll hold onto that. She was like, fuck off,
• 44:37
  Speaker 2: it's my book, it's my presence. And I was like also,
• 44:42
  Speaker 2: I was like, oh, I don't. I don't have anything
• 44:44
  Speaker 2: for you, because the mom came over with and I
• 44:47
  Speaker 2: was like, well, can I give you.
• 44:49
  Speaker 1: Here's my keys? Matt. Last week you made me take
• 44:54
  Speaker 1: my shirt off, yeah, to show you my horsey. And
• 44:57
  Speaker 1: someone did say to me and now I'm a horse girl.
• 45:00
  Speaker 2: I are a big horse girl.
• 45:02
  Speaker 1: Anyway, you know what breed of horse? The drawing is
• 45:05
  Speaker 1: probably shut the pony thinks about right. But I did
• 45:08
  Speaker 1: mention in the last week's episode that my tatoo as
• 45:10
  Speaker 1: had something much more involved. He commented on the thing,
• 45:15
  Speaker 1: which is cute because he's a cute guy. And he
• 45:18
  Speaker 1: sent me the original drawing to show you what I meant.
• 45:22
  Speaker 1: To brace yourself for this, and then I'll get you
• 45:25
  Speaker 1: to explain what it is to the listeners free too.
• 45:27
  Speaker 1: What boom, oh life, Now you know what I mean.
• 45:31
  Speaker 1: I was not prepared for that.
• 45:33
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 45:34
  Speaker 1: I may be able to break apples with my bare hands.
• 45:36
  Speaker 2: But that also the horses in this photo, and it's
• 45:41
  Speaker 2: a wreath of flowers and roses and three beautiful stallions
• 45:46
  Speaker 2: with a couple of birds in the background. The horses
• 45:49
  Speaker 2: have got strong manes in this picture. And it's literally
• 45:52
  Speaker 2: from the top of your pants on your backside to
• 45:56
  Speaker 2: pass the middle of your back. That is huge. What
• 45:58
  Speaker 2: would April have said if you got this weird that
• 46:01
  Speaker 2: you had the self control to say, I'm not sure
• 46:03
  Speaker 2: about this.
• 46:04
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I just wasn't. Like, I love the drawing,
• 46:09
  Speaker 1: but I don't have that. I don't have that in me.
• 46:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 46:12
  Speaker 1: Can I He had more faith in me than I did.
• 46:15
  Speaker 2: You've done the right thing here.
• 46:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I like it. I was like nearly just going
• 46:19
  Speaker 1: to get it, and I was like, oh, otherwise that
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: would have really hurt anyway. That's that.
• 46:24
  Speaker 2: I'm just going to really quickly for listener questions. We
• 46:28
  Speaker 2: did mention the RSL in regards to the venue where
• 46:31
  Speaker 2: Marley had an end of year dance concert. I'm a
• 46:35
  Speaker 2: bit of a mumbler RSL. Someone from overseas, her name
• 46:39
  Speaker 2: is Karen Shan out Karen message in the Facebook group
• 46:42
  Speaker 2: and she said Marley's dance was at the RSL as
• 46:46
  Speaker 2: in like.
• 46:47
  Speaker 1: A r I s E L IRSL.
• 46:50
  Speaker 2: Rs L as like one word, not the liker s
• 46:55
  Speaker 2: L letters. Yes, so what does that stand for?
• 46:58
  Speaker 1: It's return services is league something league? Let's go league?
• 47:03
  Speaker 1: So RSL RSL is the shortening of that. It's an acronym,
• 47:07
  Speaker 1: if you will. So, Karen, just so you know, I'm
• 47:09
  Speaker 1: speaking to you directly and anyone else who doesn't know
• 47:11
  Speaker 1: what RSL mean. It is a pub slash casino.
• 47:16
  Speaker 2: Yes, esque raises money. I don't forget into the.
• 47:20
  Speaker 1: No, but I do know one thing. They always have
• 47:23
  Speaker 1: board that and the board of directors photos up on
• 47:26
  Speaker 1: the wall somewhere and they're all white. Old man.
• 47:29
  Speaker 2: Yes, does can confirm RSL stands for returned and Services League?
• 47:35
  Speaker 1: There you go, there you go. Sorry, I am banned
• 47:37
  Speaker 1: from multiple RSLs.
• 47:40
  Speaker 2: Just so you know, ash it's time for.
• 47:47
  Speaker 4: Ristmas Fails now.
• 47:49
  Speaker 2: If you're joining us for the very first time, this
• 47:51
  Speaker 2: is where we celebrate all the wild and terrible disasters
• 47:56
  Speaker 2: that happened during the festive season. And let's be honest, No, Chris,
• 48:00
  Speaker 2: is this complete without some mild disaster?
• 48:02
  Speaker 1: Oh no, awesome drama.
• 48:04
  Speaker 2: I love it. We had the divorce last week.
• 48:06
  Speaker 1: We also had the uncle. Oh yes, there's always an uncle.
• 48:10
  Speaker 2: If you've got a situation where your uncle has done
• 48:12
  Speaker 2: something inappropriate, please get it off your chest and send
• 48:15
  Speaker 2: it in.
• 48:16
  Speaker 1: Why are they so good at that?
• 48:18
  Speaker 2: There's always one rogue uncle?
• 48:20
  Speaker 1: So this same was body by Audi Good different Matthew.
• 48:24
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna go first, please Ashton.
• 48:25
  Speaker 1: And this one is from Rachel. Hey, Rachel, and Rachel
• 48:29
  Speaker 1: says she remembers one Christmas as a kid that was
• 48:32
  Speaker 1: a real catastrophe, emphasizing the cat So here we go.
• 48:36
  Speaker 1: Mum was in charge of baking desserts for the family,
• 48:39
  Speaker 1: so she spent the day tirelessly baking in the kitchen,
• 48:42
  Speaker 1: whipping up pav a feather sponge, and a Christmas pudding,
• 48:47
  Speaker 1: all proudly displayed in the forbidden front room.
• 48:50
  Speaker 2: Can I just say, delicious spread, great.
• 48:53
  Speaker 1: Selection, great work. My love that us kids knew better
• 48:56
  Speaker 1: than to even breathe near the doorway Christmas Day, Well
• 49:01
  Speaker 1: said the family cat. However, she did not care for
• 49:05
  Speaker 1: unspoken rules. Classic cat Santa wasn't the only one who
• 49:09
  Speaker 1: snuck into the house that night. Somehow the cat got
• 49:12
  Speaker 1: into the front room, jumped on the table, and started
• 49:16
  Speaker 1: her midnight de gestation by helping herself to brandy sauce
• 49:21
  Speaker 1: a top of the pudding. Then she tap danced her
• 49:24
  Speaker 1: way across the sponge like it was her personal stage,
• 49:27
  Speaker 1: destroying it entirely as her paws sunk in like sand,
• 49:32
  Speaker 1: only to finish strong by licking the pav dry it's cream.
• 49:37
  Speaker 1: A true festive feast was had by the cat. Pretty
• 49:40
  Speaker 1: sure we only had a fruit platter for dessert on
• 49:42
  Speaker 1: Christmas Day.
• 49:43
  Speaker 2: And you just know as well when that comes out
• 49:46
  Speaker 2: the backside of that cat, that is going to cause
• 49:49
  Speaker 2: an almighty mess. Oh that little box in it, it's
• 49:53
  Speaker 2: like an Alan brickman.
• 49:55
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I wonder what the cat's name was.
• 49:58
  Speaker 2: Please, if you have any pets involved in the story,
• 50:01
  Speaker 2: give us the full detail breed age name for those wondering,
• 50:06
  Speaker 2: Alan Alan.
• 50:07
  Speaker 1: Rickman, Alan Rickman. Sorry, it was a dog that ate
• 50:10
  Speaker 1: all of the Christmas and then shat all over the
• 50:13
  Speaker 1: presence a banger. That was a banging story.
• 50:16
  Speaker 2: This is from Cara. She writes, we do Secret Santa
• 50:19
  Speaker 2: Steel at Christmas.
• 50:22
  Speaker 1: There's a name for that, I Yankee swall.
• 50:25
  Speaker 2: I've never done this myself. We've always done Secret Sander
• 50:27
  Speaker 2: where it's allocated name. You know you're getting the present
• 50:30
  Speaker 2: four But this is one where I think you just
• 50:32
  Speaker 2: put the presents in a pile and you pick one,
• 50:34
  Speaker 2: and you pick one. I think so last year my
• 50:37
  Speaker 2: hobby brought a joke chocolate Willie for those wondering. Yes,
• 50:42
  Speaker 2: that means penis nice as the Secret Sander present. But
• 50:46
  Speaker 2: the last person to select a president was oh god,
• 50:50
  Speaker 2: Granny the shark, the horror, and no one wanted to trade.
• 50:57
  Speaker 2: Now my hubby is banned from taking part in secrets.
• 50:59
  Speaker 1: Sound genius. That's a good way to get out of it.
• 51:03
  Speaker 2: But also just don't own up to that. You're like,
• 51:06
  Speaker 2: who was that buying inappropriate gifts for Granny?
• 51:09
  Speaker 1: I'm going to do that. I love the ones where
• 51:12
  Speaker 1: they're like they gift then things. That's from her house.
• 51:16
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, that's gold I got on the quick. One
• 51:18
  Speaker 2: is from Lucy. I did a message in the Life
• 51:21
  Speaker 2: Uncut group shout out to Life on Time, what a
• 51:24
  Speaker 2: great podcast, really beautiful.
• 51:26
  Speaker 1: I never shout outside carry on. I wonder why they
• 51:31
  Speaker 1: don't shout.
• 51:34
  Speaker 2: From Lucy. When my brother was about four, he went
• 51:37
  Speaker 2: into my parents' room at very early hour of the
• 51:40
  Speaker 2: morning and asked if he could open a present, and
• 51:43
  Speaker 2: my dad, you know, dad was half asleep, and said, yeah, fine,
• 51:52
  Speaker 2: Oh no, I've done that before where you could ask
• 51:55
  Speaker 2: me anything like where's the car keys and to like
• 51:57
  Speaker 2: Marley when she was for a but just just park
• 52:00
  Speaker 2: it back in the garage.
• 52:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, be your mom's car.
• 52:04
  Speaker 2: So when my parents went downstairs in the morning, they
• 52:07
  Speaker 2: discovered he had opened every single present under the tree, everyone,
• 52:16
  Speaker 2: every single one. He just free rein good for trust
• 52:21
  Speaker 2: a four year old that's got no self control. My
• 52:24
  Speaker 2: mum was pissed. Imagine all that wrapping to be totally wasted.
• 52:27
  Speaker 2: Oh that's a disaster.
• 52:29
  Speaker 1: That is a disaster. And we love it. We love it.
• 52:33
  Speaker 2: Ah.
• 52:34
  Speaker 1: And this festive season, if you've got a story just
• 52:37
  Speaker 1: like that.
• 52:38
  Speaker 2: Send it in go on. And also this festive season.
• 52:41
  Speaker 2: If you're thinking about indulging in anything at all, just
• 52:45
  Speaker 2: remember go on.
• 52:47
  Speaker 1: It's Christmas.
• 52:49
  Speaker 2: You deserve it. And thanks for Aldi for making this
• 52:51
  Speaker 2: segment possible. Aldi, good different Ash. Yes, my friend, I've
• 52:57
  Speaker 2: got to check if Marley's been trying to get hold
• 52:58
  Speaker 2: of me from sick Bay.
• 53:00
  Speaker 1: If you've enjoyed this episode, please like, subscribe, leave a review?
• 53:03
  Speaker 1: Why not? Share?
• 53:04
  Speaker 2: The hell not? Why not?
• 53:06
  Speaker 1: I always ask.
• 53:07
  Speaker 2: Myself that it's never too late to leave a review.
• 53:10
  Speaker 1: It's never why, it's always why not?
• 53:12
  Speaker 2: Thank you? And I think you'll feel better for leaving
• 53:15
  Speaker 2: a review.
• 53:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it just consider it a Christmas present to us.
• 53:19
  Speaker 2: Yes, thank you, thank you. And also on social media
• 53:22
  Speaker 2: you can find us two Darting Dads on TikTok on
• 53:25
  Speaker 2: Instagram and there is a Facebook group which is just driving.
• 53:29
  Speaker 2: It is just humping and we will see you guys
• 53:33
  Speaker 2: next week to find out what was yourward?
• 53:35
  Speaker 4: Got Oscar weeks bye.
• 54:04
  Speaker 2: Two Doting Dance podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country
• 54:08
  Speaker 2: throughout Australia and the connections to land, sea and community.
• 54:12
  Speaker 1: We pay our respects to their elders past and present
• 54:14
  Speaker 1: and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and torrestraight on
• 54:17
  Speaker 1: the People's Today. This episode was recorded on Gatagal Land.
• 54:21
  Speaker 1: I was a good so loon.
• 54:25
  Speaker 3: Twitchin huh excuse okay.
• 54:30
  Speaker 1: In the throne and no.
• 54:33
  Speaker 3: Please was the queen that I meant to be. I
• 54:37
  Speaker 3: lived to love China.
• 54:40
  Speaker 2: Such a gardens on my own place.
• 54:44
  Speaker 3: Because the problem Chop, that's so well, I.
• 54:49
  Speaker 6: Know that's so.
• 54:50
  Speaker 3: I'm the true seuch ay hiding.
• 54:55
  Speaker 4: No, I'm Shina like come.
• 54:58
  Speaker 3: Bna because we are. Hunter's voice is stronger.
• 55:05
  Speaker 2: No, nobody