Latest / Celeste The Therapist / Ep 478 Grieving the Life You Thought You'd Have: A Therapist's Guide w/ Celeste The Therapist

Transcript

Ep 478 Grieving the Life You Thought You'd Have: A Therapist's Guide w/ Celeste The Therapist · Celeste The Therapist

0:33
Um, let me
0:36
fix this. All right. Hi. Hi,
0:40
beautiful people. Uh, if this is your first time
0:44
into my, uh, lives, uh, my name is Celeste.
0:47
I'm a therapist from Boston. And, uh, I come
0:51
on every single Wednesday, 12 PM Eastern standard time, uh,
0:54
to talk about things that we go through. And then
0:58
I talk about ways that we can deal with them. Excuse
1:03
me. And the podcast has been streaming
1:06
since 2018. This year made
1:10
it six years. Six
1:14
years I've been podcasting. So Wednesdays, I do the live show
1:18
on my Instagram timeline. I
1:22
started to ask, I give people three choices on what
1:26
the topic should be. And 62% of the
1:29
people picked this topic, grieving the loss of the life
1:32
you thought you would have. Uh, last week's episode, uh,
1:36
was released and last week we talked about,
1:40
uh, we talked about anxiety. So,
1:43
uh, that episode's out everywhere on all audio podcasting platforms.
1:48
And then on video, you can find it, uh, streaming everywhere. So
1:51
today we're talking about grief and, uh, grieving the loss
1:55
of the life you thought you would have. Uh, when people
1:58
tend to think about grief, they think about it in a way of when
2:02
somebody passes away. One of the ways
2:05
that as a collective we all started to
2:09
grieve was during the pandemic, when we had
2:12
to grieve the loss of the life that we knew, and
2:16
we were kind of forced to accept the life that we
2:20
were currently in. And I know even to this day, some
2:24
people are still struggling with the changes that have taken
2:27
place. So I'm hoping that today's episode could
2:32
be freeing for some people, whether it was the loss of the life from the
2:35
pandemic, whether it was the loss of the life that you
2:39
thought you would have financially or where
2:43
you are in life professionally or relationship wise, right?
2:47
Us not grieving the loss of the life we
2:51
wanted to have keeps us in the space of feeling stuck.
2:55
So right now I'm streaming on YouTube, Instagram. Hey,
3:00
Nathan, it's so nice to see you in here. Instagram,
3:03
YouTube, Facebook, simultaneously streaming
3:08
everywhere. All right, so let's start. So one of
3:11
the things, if you've never been into these live episodes I do on
3:15
Wednesdays, I enjoy
3:19
teaching. I'm a visual learner. And
3:22
so I like to give visuals for when I'm talking about these
3:25
things. So for people that listen on the audio, if you find yourself
3:29
being a visual learner, you can go over to my YouTube channel. and
3:33
catch these videos because they stay up for the replay. So
3:37
let's really quick talk about the stages of grief. And
3:40
these are the stages, right? In no particular order.
3:44
So there's denial, there's anger, acceptance, depression,
3:49
and bargaining. These are some of the complicated emotions
3:52
that come up when we are grieving. And
3:56
sometimes you can get to a place of acceptance and
3:59
still feel like you're going back to bargaining. Why
4:03
is this happening? This shouldn't be happening, or denial, or
4:07
angry, right? So when you're thinking about these
4:11
stages, I don't want you to think about it in a linear way. I
4:14
want you to think of it in a way of where, like, I can be all over
4:17
the place at times. So that's one of the ways,
4:21
that's the stages of grief as you begin
4:25
to listen to what we're talking about today, understanding that
4:29
it can be all over the place with this the stages. As you're
4:33
thinking about grieving, right, I want to introduce you to this idea
4:36
of dialectical thinking. I talk about it a lot. I've never named it
4:39
dialectical thinking, where I talk about both
4:43
can be true. Like I gave an example on my reel
4:46
where I said that You may be grieving
4:50
as a parent because your child has a disability that
4:54
is very complicated and it's taking up a lot of your time. Those
4:58
emotions of like you didn't think that, no
5:02
one has a child and think like, oh, they're going to struggle with this or
5:05
that, right? You know, some of us are dealt with some
5:08
cards that are so hard to swallow, and we never really, like, accept
5:12
the fact that that's happening. And so as you're thinking about, like,
5:16
this example of the mom or dad who has this child that's
5:19
struggling with a disability, I can love my child, but
5:23
I can also struggle with the fact that this is very hard.
5:27
And I think because we don't realize that we can hold to truths, we
5:31
struggle in this area of dialectical thinking. So
5:35
dialectical means we are either strong. So we
5:38
are either strong or weak. We are either happy or depressed. We are either
5:41
accept and move on or reject and rebel. That's the
5:45
way typically people think, right? Black and white, this or
5:48
that, right? That's the typical way that you see people thinking. You
5:52
may even find yourself thinking that way. When you think about dialectical
5:56
thinking, it encourages us to consider that both of these things can
5:59
be true, which seem like opposites can coexist, and
6:03
that they can combine to create a new truth, right?
6:07
So as you're thinking about these things, really be mindful
6:11
that you can hold to truth. My family
6:14
has replaced me as a man of the house. I used to have a job. and
6:19
media. I talked a talk show with VIP connections and
6:22
now I'm temporarily working a low
6:26
status job. So, so yes. So someone is
6:29
giving an example on how they, It
6:35
says how, let me just put it up. So
6:39
my family has replaced me as the man of the house. I used to have a great job
6:43
in media, a talk show with the VIP connections, and now I'm temporarily working
6:46
a low status job. And then he says, I
6:50
mourn daily for the life I had, but look forward to building a
6:53
new life. It's scary because my vision for the future isn't exactly
6:56
how it used to be. Yes. So Nathan is giving us
6:59
an example on literally, like I talked about the parent, he's
7:03
talking about the job, on how he was working in
7:07
a certain space. And now he's in a different space
7:10
working. And it's a daily morning. It's not like
7:13
a one-time morning, right? So I don't
7:17
want you to think like, when am I gonna get there? Just take it one day at
7:20
a time. There may be days that are better than others, but obviously like,
7:23
you know what you thought life would look like. So it's really hard to
7:27
be in that space. So when you're thinking
7:30
about dialectical thinking around grieving the loss
7:34
of the life you thought you had, it says it can be helpful to
7:37
practice holding two truths at the same time, being open
7:40
to the idea that there are many lives worth living, Even
7:44
though you may not be living the life you always imagined and
7:47
hoped for, that doesn't mean it can't carry joy and
7:51
meaning. And I think that's where people struggle when they
7:55
are in the space of not being where they want to be. They
7:58
don't allow joy and meaning into their life. And
8:02
it's hard to go through life, it's hard to
8:05
go through life if you're not allowing joy in. It's
8:09
easy to do that if you're only thinking about what you've lost,
8:12
if you haven't accepted that this is my new normal. Acceptance
8:16
doesn't mean that you are content with where you are. When
8:19
I talk about acceptance, that's not what it means. Acceptance literally
8:24
just means, it's like, this is what it is. It is what
8:27
it is. It doesn't mean that it's good or bad. It just is. So
8:31
maybe sometimes reframing that idea of what acceptance means
8:35
can help you work on accepting where you are
8:38
currently. And as you're thinking about this, so we just talked about
8:42
what grief, the stages of grief, the dialectical thinking,
8:46
and how two truths can be true, I need
8:49
you to work on thinking about acknowledging your feelings around
8:53
it. And you can grab an emotion chart. This is an emotion chart
8:56
that I got from BEAM, a really great organization. They
9:00
have a ton of wellness tools on their website. But really
9:03
being mindful of the emotions that
9:07
are coming up, because Those emotions can be so complicated,
9:11
and they can feel so overwhelming. And if you're not
9:14
mindful of the emotions that are coming up, you're going to find yourself
9:18
responding to the emotions. Hey,
9:22
Ursula, so she says, so you're saying two things can be true at the
9:25
same time. So what is it called when two things
9:29
can exist at the same time? So it's
9:32
the dialectical thinking. When you're thinking about, holding
9:37
two truths, right? Because we tend to think of things
9:41
as one or the other. Thinking about that two things
9:44
can exist at the same time. It's not a
9:48
typical way we find ourselves thinking here
9:51
in America. I'm not sure about other places. But
9:55
we tend to look at situations as black or white. we
9:59
don't look at situations as, like, let's just use
10:03
a parent example. Let's say somebody has
10:06
a parent that is giving
10:10
them a hard time. Like, let's say that, you
10:14
know, one thing about, I'm gonna say about grieving when it comes to parent
10:18
relationships, I see this a lot with mother-daughter relationships. A
10:22
lot of times when you haven't accepted, like, maybe I
10:25
had a kid early and this is hard for me, what
10:29
I noticed, there's a lot of, I noticed a lot of tension with mom daughter
10:32
relationships. And I know a big part of it is because of
10:36
the jealousy, the grief of like your child at
10:40
16 or 17 is doing things that you couldn't do. And because
10:43
you're not acknowledging your emotions about it, you're
10:47
finding yourself reacting off of it with your
10:50
child, right? And so like, I'm using a struggling
10:54
relationship with a daughter and a mom. And let's just
10:57
say like, I love my mom, but I don't like the
11:01
way she treats me. It feels very complicated, but
11:04
both are true. And I think it's kind of like, how do I
11:07
love my mom and not enjoy the way she treats me? And I
11:11
think if we can let go of black and white thinking
11:15
in general, it can save us a lot of heartache because
11:19
the complications is because we're human, we're full of emotions, and we
11:23
may find ourselves going back and forth in the way that we are, the
11:27
way we're thinking about things. So now we've acknowledged our
11:30
emotions. We just talked about the stages of grief, dialectical thinking, both
11:33
can be true. We talked about
11:37
the importance of acknowledging our emotions so that our emotions are not
11:40
leading our lens on life, right? If I'm not recognizing
11:44
that I feel abandoned, And when
11:48
I feel abandoned, I find myself wanting to go out
11:51
and drink. But when I drink, I find myself screwing up,
11:55
right? So if I could acknowledge like in this moment,
11:58
I feel abandoned, but I may not be abandoned in this moment, but it feels
12:02
like I'm abandoned. If I can start acknowledging that I feel abandoned,
12:06
then I'm not going to find myself impulsively going out to do these
12:09
things that may feel good in the moment, but
12:14
has a lot of repercussions. Where
12:18
does black and white thinking come from? I think that's
12:21
kind of the way we're taught here. We're taught how to, it's
12:25
a very militant, I don't want to say militant, but in
12:28
school, you go to public school, private schools and other kinds
12:32
of schools are different. This is the way you think. This is what
12:35
it was. A lot of times we're not able to challenge our thinking.
12:38
Kids that challenge thinking in schools, they get chest ties, right?
12:42
My kids can question me. Think about like some households, it's
12:46
kind of like, this is just what it is. This is what I say. This is how it goes. if
12:50
my kids ask why, I'm not offended. I'm not like, well, I'm the parent and
12:54
this is just what it is. I'm going to talk to them and explain why.
12:58
So a lot of times I think part of it is just the way that
13:02
things have grown up, the way that things have played out
13:05
and the way that we're taught. We learn how to just think black and white.
13:09
And there's a lot of amazing people who have challenged and
13:13
asked questions and they've been shut down. So they stopped themselves from
13:16
having that creative space and allowing themselves to
13:20
actually like think, right? So that
13:23
dialectical thinking is so important to do and
13:26
not find yourself in a box of like, this has
13:30
to be that or that. The next thing I really want
13:33
you to think about is to challenge
13:39
or be more flexible and adaptable, like embracing
13:43
that. I know that can be challenging. Think about why
13:46
we're not flexible and adaptable. A lot of it because some of us are in survival
13:50
mode a lot, right? When you're in survival mode, ain't
13:53
nobody got time to be flexible and adaptable because
13:57
I need to know what's going to happen next. I'll
14:01
answer that in a second, Carl. We need to know what's
14:04
going to happen next. So why would I want to be flexible and
14:08
adaptable? And so if you can work on
14:11
embracing it, it can help, right? So when
14:14
I say embracing it, for people that are listening, the visual says
14:18
be open to new ideas. So basically challenging some of the beliefs and
14:22
consider alternative viewpoints. especially people culturally, especially
14:27
how you were raised in some ways. A lot of times, a
14:31
lot of the ways that we think could be so constricted and
14:34
prevent us from being flexible, right? So that's
14:38
important. Embrace change. See changes in routines or plans as
14:42
opportunities for growth. So instead of looking at
14:45
change as like, oh my gosh, what's going to happen next? you
14:49
can reframe the way you're processing it in a way of like, you know
14:52
what, this is a chance for me to grow, learn something new. Having a
14:55
growth mindset, so see challenges as opportunities to grow. Improve
14:59
your problem-solving skills. So problem-solving helps
15:04
you resolve specific issues as they arise. Sometimes for
15:07
people, When problems arise, it was
15:10
a bad thing, your system. So one thing I talk about a lot is
15:14
how the body keeps the score. Your body remembers
15:18
the things you experienced. So when you're in similar situations, you
15:21
may find yourself struggling. And it's
15:25
hard to embrace new ideas. It's really hard
15:29
to be flexible and become a person that's
15:32
able to problem solve if you're in this fight or flight space. So
15:36
you can literally take your hand over your heart and tell
15:39
yourself, I'm OK. This is not the same thing that it was
15:42
before. Your mind needs direction. It
15:46
needs answers. And if you're not answering that, then
15:49
your mind is going to stay in this fearful space and
15:52
you're going to struggle with being adaptable. Practice
15:57
mindfulness. Mindfulness is powerful because it allows you
16:00
to be in tune with your thoughts. And I want to be clear, I do understand
16:04
that being in tune with your thoughts for some people can be scary because
16:07
there's a lot of negative things that are being said. And a
16:11
lot of those negative things are not you. It's what was said
16:14
in the past to you. It's the fear. Those thoughts
16:18
are not true. So it's so important to understand thoughts are not facts,
16:22
but they're trying to tell us something. And sometimes when
16:26
you have been through a lot of hard experiences, your
16:30
system is warning you like oh my goodness we're
16:34
doing this is happening again right so it's doing what
16:37
it's designed to do what you're not doing you're not using your
16:40
power to say nope this is not the same thing we're not
16:44
experiencing the same thing this is 2024 like i am not stuck so
16:47
really Practicing mindfulness
16:51
can really help you gain power over your thoughts at
16:54
the beginning. Yes, it will be a struggle because you're
16:58
not used to pausing. You're not used to like hearing what's going
17:01
on. But guess what? If you want to choose not to
17:05
be involved in your thoughts, your thoughts will still continue regardless
17:09
of whether or not you want to be involved. Push
17:12
yourself out your comfort zone. That's important. You can't grow in the same
17:15
space. Embrace continuous learning. This
17:19
example, it says like Netflix and Amazon have consistently pivoted.
17:23
I think about Facebook as well, right? These
17:26
companies, like Netflix started off as a tape where
17:30
you can You can go to the Redbox. No,
17:34
was that Netflix? No, that was Redbox. See, Redbox isn't even, it's
17:37
here, but it's not. But Netflix, you can, you were able to get
17:41
DVDs for people that don't know what DVDs are. It's a
17:44
little disc we used to have to use to watch. So you were able to rent
17:47
DVDs. I think about Blockbuster, right? Blockbuster
17:51
was here before Netflix, but Blockbuster never, so
17:55
Blockbuster was where you could rent tapes and DVDs.
18:00
And they never adapted to the changes that were happening. So
18:03
Amazon definitely adapted. I think about Walmart. Walmart was here
18:07
way before Amazon. Walmart could have been in Amazon if
18:10
they had adapted to the changes. So really being mindful
18:14
of that as you're thinking about flexibility and being adaptive. I'm
18:17
just going to answer this comment. So Carl, does this
18:21
work for other kinds of addiction, like pornography and
18:25
impulsive spending? Does this work? And I think you're
18:28
talking about dialectical thinking
18:32
maybe. Well, I'll just say this. When you're thinking about
18:35
addictions like porn or impulsive spending, a
18:40
lot of the addictions that we have are because we
18:43
are trying to mitigate pain. My
18:47
first start in the mental health world was at a shelter and
18:51
dealing with a lot of people struggling with substances. And
18:55
I never dealt with that before. I was so young, I was 19. And
18:59
then I got to know people and I started to hear this story and
19:03
I developed a lot of compassion for people that struggles
19:06
with different kinds of addictions because The reality is
19:10
nobody wants to deal with pain. I know that pain is a part of life,
19:14
but I don't want to deal with it. And it's easier to
19:18
drink. It's easier to spend. It's easier to hoard. A
19:22
lot of these things that people find themselves doing is
19:26
to fill a void. And in that moment, yes, that
19:29
void is filled in the moment. That is true. But what is
19:32
also true is that you're going to find yourself struggling
19:36
with more things. So if I am spending impulsively
19:40
because anytime I'm struggling, let me go purchase something and
19:44
my bills aren't paid. What's true is, yes,
19:47
I feel good in this moment, but then later on down the road, I won't feel
19:50
good. Right. When I want to wake up early to start my day,
19:55
to have a better head start, Yes, it
19:58
feels good to sleep in, right? Like when I talk about getting
20:02
up early, it's not because I enjoy it. I enjoy what
20:05
happens because I'm starting my day off with me, right?
20:09
So when you're thinking about these addictions and
20:12
when you ask, does it work as far as I guess the way to
20:16
think about it, I want people to be mindful of
20:20
that, is that both can be true. Sleeping in feels good,
20:24
but there's repercussions because now I'm not getting the things I need to get
20:27
done in a timely manner, and I'm finding myself rushing. So
20:31
we talked about the stages of grief, the importance of
20:35
dialectical thinking, holding on to both truths, being flexible
20:38
and adaptable. My best thing, the next thing is my
20:42
favorite thing I need you guys to understand, practicing self-care and
20:45
compassion. You guys are struggling with this like
20:49
crazy, like that inner dialogue is wild. And
20:53
it's so interesting, like when I work with people and they say
20:57
it, then I redirect them and then they find themselves saying it and they're
21:00
like, oops, I didn't mean it like that. So they're correcting themselves. It's
21:04
such a beautiful thing to witness people start to change the way
21:07
that they talk to themselves. Because how do you work
21:11
on yourself when you're constantly being a bully to
21:14
yourself 24-7? You're with yourself all the time. That
21:18
voice needs to be a lot more compassionate. So
21:22
as you're thinking about practicing self-care and compassion, be
21:26
kind. Treat yourself with understanding. Allow your emotions to flow.
21:30
Emotions are a part of life. Forgive yourself. This
21:33
is another one. Grieving the life. grieving
21:37
the loss of the life you thought you would have, right? Sometimes it's because something
21:41
happened. Sometimes it's because of something that we've done, right?
21:44
It's something, mistakes that we've made, or directions that
21:48
we went that weren't the best, right? And instead of us
21:51
looking at it like, you know what, I messed up there. Let
21:54
me go back to the drawing board and start over. What happens is
21:58
that we get stuck in, oh my gosh, I can't believe I did that.
22:01
Two years later, same thing. Three years later, at what point are
22:05
we going to say, all right, Celeste, it's time to release that
22:08
and let it go? Because you're still, you're looping in the same
22:12
direction. You're not going anywhere. Be
22:15
gentle, so treat yourself gentle and when you're tired and sick or
22:19
scared, like it's okay. Setting boundaries, make
22:22
value-based decisions to create experiences you want. Express
22:26
gratitude, be aware of the benefits in your life and keep a gratitude journal
22:31
to help. You know, I'll say this thing about gratitude, it's
22:35
very underutilized. It's hard to experience
22:39
gratitude and be overwhelmed with grief and
22:42
pain at the same time. That's hard to do. And
22:46
it's having gratitude in even the little things, right?
22:50
And I think a lot of times, people are only used to celebrating
22:54
and looking at, oh, you got married, or you got a house, or you
22:57
got this. We're looking at these accolades that are more centered
23:02
around like what people can see, right? I got this raise, I got this promotion. And
23:06
that's great. I think it's important to celebrate that, but it's
23:10
equally important to celebrate the journey to that, right?
23:14
So I had to get, when I realized I was, I wanted to be a
23:17
therapist, I had to get my master's and I like,
23:21
like really winged my way through school. I didn't know, I never took SATs.
23:26
I ended up going to a two-year college. I didn't need SATs. It
23:29
was simple to get in. And I could have been
23:33
in that two-year program, right, talking about... Oh
23:37
my gosh. I have so much time left. That's true. Dialectical
23:41
thinking, that's true. But what's also true is that I just finished this
23:44
one class. That's amazing. And I think because it's
23:48
going from A to B, if I don't celebrate going from
23:52
A to B, and if I look at it like, damn, I got to go all the way down
23:55
to Z, what's going to happen is I'm going to find myself feeling discouraged.
23:59
My system is going to be like, dang, you got so much further to go. Do you
24:02
really want to do this? Or it could be like, wow, look at
24:05
what you did. You went from A to B. That's amazing. Having
24:10
that attitude about the steps that you're taking is so
24:13
powerful, especially if you haven't had it shown to
24:17
you, especially if you're starting over from scratch. It's really
24:20
hard to do that. So if you can work on that inner
24:24
dialogue as you're pressing forward, it
24:27
can go a long way. Setting goals, make sure
24:30
they're realistic and celebrating your progress. And then this
24:34
reframe failure, instead of focusing on
24:37
failure, think about it as an opportunity to learn and
24:40
experiment. Anytime things don't go the way I expected them to
24:43
go, I'll ask myself, okay, like, What went
24:47
wrong here? What can you do? Some of
24:50
the questions I ask my kids when I'm checking in with them,
24:53
it's like, what went well today? What didn't go well? And
24:56
how can you change that? What can you do to prepare better for tomorrow? So
25:00
it's not about chastising them for the homework not
25:04
being done. I'm going to say your homework wasn't done, but also,
25:08
OK, where do you think you went wrong? And how do you think you
25:11
can fix that so that you don't run into this situation again? Right.
25:15
So really being mindful because we're not like we're not mind
25:18
readers like we don't have a crystal ball to look at what
25:22
our future looks like. And sometimes we don't make we
25:25
make decisions or things happen and doesn't work out. It's
25:29
really important for us to have a mindset of like, OK, like, how can I
25:32
learn from this? And then other ways to Cultivate
25:36
more self-compassion. Talking to yourself like you were the
25:39
best friend. This goes a long way. When people come to
25:43
me, they'll talk really bad about themselves. And
25:47
I'll know somebody in their life, whether it's a kid, a
25:50
niece, or a friend. And I'll say, would you talk to so-and-so like this? And
25:54
they immediately begin to be overwhelmed
25:58
with emotion because they think about it. And they're like, I would never even
26:01
think this way about my child or about my niece or
26:04
my nephew. And so then why am I doing that
26:08
to myself? So a lot of times, a lot of
26:11
our struggle with pushing forward is not because we
26:15
can't do it, it's because what's happening up here in our
26:18
mindset, it needs to be shifted in a
26:21
lot of different ways. So talk
26:25
to yourself like you would your best friend. Starting a gratitude journal
26:28
could be helpful. Giving yourself a hug is powerful. Writing
26:32
yourself a love letter, so powerful. So those
26:35
are some ways that you can work on practicing self-compassion. And
26:40
the last thing I wanna say is like, as we're thinking about grieving the
26:43
life of the light, grieving the loss of the life that
26:46
we thought we would have. We started off talking about the grief
26:50
cycle and what that looks like. We talked about holding
26:54
on to two truths, the importance of expressing
26:58
your emotions, the importance of being flexible and
27:01
adaptable, the importance of practicing self-care and
27:05
compassion, Now, it's so important to
27:08
set new goals, right? So as we're going through this
27:12
process of grieving and
27:16
practicing compassion, it's important to set new
27:19
goals. So as you're thinking about your life and the
27:23
vision that you want, it's important to think about the results
27:26
you want to see. So you can literally grab a wellness wheel like
27:29
this. If you go on Google, type in wellness wheel, these things that
27:33
come up. So you think about these different areas of your life for people
27:36
that are listening on the audio, emotional, environmental, financial,
27:40
intellectual, occupational, physical, social, and spiritual. You
27:43
can even create your own little pie and say my family, like the
27:47
way I want it to look like. Let's say it's a lot of tension in it and
27:50
you want it to change. Like you can literally create different areas,
27:55
like make it more specific if that's helpful
27:59
to you and work on thinking
28:02
about, What do I want in this area of my life?
28:06
So as you're thinking about the results you want to see, that can help
28:09
you break down the different areas of your life. And
28:13
then you create SMART goals. And what are SMART goals there?
28:17
I'm going to show you an example. So
28:21
SMART goals for people that are listening S
28:25
is for specific. So being specific about
28:29
what is your goal. In this example, and this is literally something
28:32
that, this isn't my worksheet, but this is something that
28:35
I worked on. But in the example, it says to drink more water,
28:39
I will aim for six cups a day, right? So as you're thinking
28:42
about your goal and being specific, like I want to drink more water, but
28:46
how much water do I want to drink? And then M is
28:49
measurable. How will you keep track of your progress? So
28:53
this example, it says, I will track my progress by
28:57
logging how many glasses I drink each day in my phone or my
29:00
planner so that you can see your growth. I think that's important. The
29:04
A stands for attainable. How will you achieve your goal and
29:08
make a plan? And this says, keep a clear
29:11
bottle with me so I can tell how
29:14
much I've had. And then it says, set
29:18
an alarm to remind myself to drink every two hours. This
29:22
attainable piece is important because we have good intentions around
29:27
our goals, but then we're not really intentional about getting there.
29:31
So if I don't want to be late for work anymore, I'm
29:35
going to set my alarm. It's like a no-brainer, but me
29:38
not me being late for work means I can
29:41
lose my job. And losing my job, that messes with
29:45
my survival. So when it comes to the survival things, we
29:49
tend to be more intentional about those things than
29:53
we do about the living piece. The living piece is something that
29:56
is new for people, right? Like surviving is unfortunately familiar
30:00
for a lot of people, but living life and surviving life looks
30:04
like two different things. The R
30:07
stands for relevant. How will this goal help you? This
30:11
goal will help me be healthier, have more energy, and help my
30:14
skin. And then the T stands for timely. When
30:18
will you achieve this goal? So it says, I want to be able to
30:21
achieve this goal within six months. So
30:25
as we're thinking about setting new goals and a vision for our life, thinking about the results
30:29
you see, use a wellness wheel. Create smart goals. If you Google smart
30:32
goals, you'll find a ton of worksheets. You can make your own. Write
30:36
your goals down. Create an action plan and a
30:39
timeline and take action. And then continue to re-evaluate your
30:43
progress. It's never like, okay, let me sit down,
30:46
let me do this and everything's fine. Sometimes you got to go back to the drawing board.
30:49
In fact, especially with this wellness will, I always encourage people like creating
30:53
your wellness will and checking in with yourself like every two
30:56
weeks. What am I doing with my physical goal? Am
30:59
I walking? Like I say, I'm going to walk, right? Like really being
31:03
specific and breaking it down for yourself can really help you achieve
31:07
the things that you say you want to achieve, right? So as
31:10
you're thinking about, I really hope this was helpful for people. And as you're thinking
31:13
about grieving the life of the grieving, the
31:17
loss is such a tongue twister, grieving the loss
31:20
of the life that you wanted. As you're thinking about this, I
31:24
want you to really be patient with yourself. And
31:27
I hope that this gives new insight into thinking about
31:31
maybe why you may have been feeling stuck. It's because you're still
31:35
holding on to the fact that I never was a doctor, and that was my
31:38
parents' dream. for me to be a doctor and it's
31:41
not what I want. I'm actually very artistic. I love the
31:45
arts, right? I don't, that's not what I wanted, but my
31:48
parents, they are survivors and being a doctor means I
31:52
can make more money. So, and the reason why they wanted that is because, you
31:55
know, they want to make sure that I'm going to be okay. Um, so
31:59
really be mindful of how you are
32:03
operating mindset wise when it comes to your life,
32:07
when it comes to the things that, you have
32:11
thought or said that you wanted to do. And yes, so
32:14
many what ifs and those what ifs is
32:18
what is keeping us stuck. And so time is
32:21
going to go by. You can sit there and create this what
32:24
if every single day for the rest of your life. Or
32:28
you can grieve the loss of
32:31
the life that you wanted and work on creating a new path.
32:35
So thank you so much. I will see you guys next Wednesday, same time, same