Latest / Yes And Land / Inside Out and Turning Tragedy Into Purpose | Grace Laubenthal

Transcript

Inside Out and Turning Tragedy Into Purpose | Grace Laubenthal · Yes And Land

0:00
I mean, I think at that point, I just knew my
0:01
whole entire life had flipped upside down, and
0:03
I had no idea what that truly meant for me yet.
0:06
Joy says, oh, sadness, I have a super important
0:09
job just for you. And Joy says, mm -hmm, follow
0:13
me. This is the circle of sadness. Your job is
0:16
to make sure that all the sadness stays inside
0:18
of it. I think a lot of us shove our emotions,
0:21
we shove our sadness because A, we think it's
0:23
a distraction, B, we don't want to feel it, or
0:27
C, we just want to ignore it. I never got the
0:31
opportunity to really learn who I was and to
0:35
just be the person that I wanted to be because
0:36
I was so scared because I didn't feel safe enough
0:40
to really show the world who I was living back
0:42
home. And by leaning into these parts of me,
0:45
just like emotions, I've been able to work through
0:48
them, to see them, to greet them with love and
0:50
compassion. And I've been able to create this
0:53
different story for myself. For anything to change,
0:55
the only thing that needs to change is you. You're
0:58
the one in the driver's seat. You have the power
1:00
and it's your decision. Welcome to Yes and Land,
1:04
where we say yes to the reality of yesterday
1:07
and today. And we say and to the possibility,
1:11
growth, and imagination of tomorrow. Welcome
1:21
back to another episode of Yes and Land. Very
1:24
excited today about our guests, getting opportunity
1:27
to talk to, man, an up and comer, right? Someone
1:29
who's really making some waves, making some waves
1:32
in the Utah real estate market. But more than
1:35
that has, you know, a really inspirational story
1:39
about what we do with tragedy, what we do with
1:42
hard times in life, and how we can use a mindset
1:45
shift. to look at things in a different way and
1:48
then to create the life that we want. And so
1:52
super excited to dive into that topic today with
1:55
Grace Lewenthal. So Grace, thank you for being
1:58
on today. Yeah, thanks for having me. I'm super
1:59
excited. So before we dive into more of the heart
2:05
of your story, let's take it all the way back.
2:08
You're from Iowa, right? Yep. So tell for us
2:11
in Utah, we may not know a lot about Iowa. Tell
2:14
us, what is it like growing up in Iowa? What's
2:16
Iowa like? Well, Iowa, it's very homey. Okay.
2:20
It's definitely not like Utah. You don't have
2:22
the mountains. It's very flat. Clearer air. Yeah,
2:27
our air here is not great. Not great. Right?
2:30
That's something I didn't know. Yeah. Do you
2:32
have issues with the air here? Does it ever cause
2:34
you any kind of like allergies or hay fever?
2:37
It did at first. Yeah. Yeah, it did at first.
2:39
And now I'm pretty used to it. Is it humid in
2:42
Iowa? Super. Yeah. Which is, again, opposite
2:44
of here. Yeah. So dry and arid. Yeah. Which I
2:47
actually appreciate the dry heat in the summers.
2:50
I mean, for sure. Yeah. Right? You can get in
2:52
the shade. You're like, wow, it's like 20 degrees
2:55
cooler in the shade. This is terrific. Yeah.
2:57
It's great. So growing up, Iowa, it's flat, not
3:02
a lot of mountains. What was it like? What was
3:04
it like growing up, going to school? You have
3:08
siblings? Yep. I have two young. Two younger
3:11
siblings. So you're the oldest. I'm the oldest.
3:13
Yeah. Tell tell tell me what your perspective
3:15
is on being the oldest. What's that like? Yeah,
3:18
I think I loved being the oldest. And I really
3:21
think you truly do set the example for your younger
3:24
siblings and you lead the way because they're
3:26
always watching. Yeah. And so it was super interesting
3:29
to have younger siblings throughout the course
3:31
of my life because they've seen me grow from,
3:35
you know, when they were young to where I am
3:37
now. What's the age gap? So my brother, he's
3:41
19, so two years younger. My sister is 16. Okay.
3:46
So not too big of a spread between you. Five
3:49
years really between the three of you. So you
3:52
guys were pretty closely grouped together, did
3:53
a lot of things together. Were you pretty tight
3:55
with your siblings growing up? Yeah, I would
3:57
say we were pretty close, and we were also very
4:00
busy. We all played sports. So as a family, we
4:03
were close, but we also all had our own things
4:06
at the same time, which was pretty cool. Yeah.
4:08
Yeah. Your parents, are they originally from
4:10
Iowa, born and raised in Iowa? Yep. Yep. Both
4:13
of them were from the Northwest Iowa area. So
4:16
about four hours from where I grew up. They're
4:18
still back there in Iowa? Mm -hmm. Yep. Hanging
4:20
out, loving life? Yep. Exactly. Like missing
4:22
you, like, oh, Grace is in Utah. Yeah. Have they
4:25
come out to visit you at all? Yes, they have.
4:27
They have. And? And they loved it. Good. Yeah.
4:29
And they're coming again in September, which
4:31
I'm super excited about. And what are you going
4:33
to take them to do? What are the Utah things
4:34
y 'all are going to do? Well, my mom and I are
4:36
going to do a High Rocks together. Oh man. Yeah.
4:39
Oh man. Look, I don't, I don't know exactly what
4:42
high rocks is, but it's everywhere, right? Yeah.
4:45
It's fun. So you love it. I do. And your mom's
4:47
into it. Yeah. That's amazing. Yeah. It's going
4:49
to be her first one. So she's so excited. Okay.
4:51
And she's like hardcore training right now. Oh
4:53
yeah. Yeah. It's gotta be intense. It is. Okay.
4:56
But it's also super fun. Is it like, do you see
4:59
this? I'm just totally a rookie at this. They're
5:02
like high rocks classes you go to. Is it, is
5:05
it like CrossFit in that sense of like. You go
5:07
do high rocks. And if you want to do competition,
5:10
you're going to those classes to prepare for
5:13
that. Is it like that? Yes, it is in a way. And
5:15
you can also train alone. So my first high rocks
5:18
that I did, I trained primarily by myself and
5:20
with a group of people, not with a class. But
5:23
there are classes as well, which I would totally
5:25
recommend. Okay. And so we're going to have a
5:29
lesson on high rocks. Yeah, exactly. I love it.
5:31
But we're going to do it because I'm just really
5:33
curious. Yeah. So with high rocks. Like what
5:36
is, what is it? Like it's some kind of race.
5:39
Is it similar to like these races where it's
5:43
like Spartan and that kind of stuff? Or what
5:45
is it? It's kind of similar. I like to compare
5:48
it most to CrossFit, if you will. But essentially
5:52
there's eight different exercises. And before
5:55
each exercise, you run a thousand meters. And
5:58
what I love about High Rocks is you're not really
6:01
competing against everyone else. I mean, you
6:03
can, there are, you do get placed, right? But
6:06
at the end of the day, it's just a race you against
6:08
yourself to get the best time that you can. And
6:11
so what I really loved about it is just the training
6:15
and to just push myself past my limits and throughout
6:18
the whole race, it was just me against me, which
6:20
I loved. Yeah. What are the different? exercise
6:24
circuits that you do. You said there's eight?
6:27
Yep. So there's eight. So you start by running
6:29
and then a thousand meter ski machine. Like an
6:34
erg? Yep. The ski erg. Thousand meters. Those
6:36
are tough. Yeah. Super. Yeah. Yeah. At least
6:39
you get those done in the first one. And then
6:42
you have sled push and sled pull for two and
6:45
three, which in my opinion is the hardest ones
6:47
because they blow out your legs and you're so
6:49
early on in the race. Yep. Yeah. And then you
6:52
have the rower for 1 ,000 meters. And you have
6:57
a 200 -meter farm carry. And then you have lunges.
7:02
And then you have 100 ball balls to finish it
7:04
off. Oh, see, that would be my least favorite.
7:06
Yeah. Wall balls. Oh, my goodness. Those are
7:09
tough. And you have judges. So if you don't get
7:11
low enough, they won't count your reps. So for
7:13
anyone listening, make sure you get low enough.
7:15
Okay, so here's the question. Will they make
7:17
exceptions? I'm asking for a very specific reason.
7:20
Probably depends on the judge. Because, so I
7:23
did a little bit of CrossFit just for fun. I
7:26
never did a competition, but I've got terrible
7:28
knee problems. And it came from a surgery that
7:32
I had when I was in the MTC. And basically the
7:35
type of surgery they did to repair the problem
7:37
I had tightened the tendons. And so over the
7:40
last, well, it's been a long time. Maybe I won't
7:43
admit how long, 20 plus years. It's worn down.
7:47
So that between my kneecap and my knee cavity,
7:49
there's no cartilage left at all. Interesting.
7:52
And so my doctor said, like, you cannot in any
7:55
exercise at all bend your knee past 90. Really?
7:59
Which for CrossFit is a no dice, right? Like,
8:00
I'm doing CrossFit. They want you going low,
8:02
right? Your butt's back touching the ground.
8:05
And so I would have to go into class and be like,
8:07
I'm not supposed to go beyond this. And then
8:09
they would, like, forget. And then they'd be
8:10
like, go lower. And I'm like, I can't. I can't.
8:12
So I end up stopping because like, you know,
8:14
the expectations you go lower because it is a
8:16
better workout. Like there's no question. It's
8:18
a better burn when you go lower. Totally. But
8:20
if I keep doing it, like I'm going to have a
8:23
knee replacement sooner rather than give myself
8:26
five to 10 years, right? Oh my gosh. So I'm like,
8:28
man, I don't know if I can do a real competition
8:30
that way. Maybe they would not make exceptions
8:32
for me, but. Yeah, that's actually a great question.
8:34
Slackers like me, right? Yeah. Won't go low enough.
8:35
Come on. I know. Come on. You do feel like a
8:39
punk, right? You're like, oh, I'm totally like
8:40
dogging it over here. Not going low. Blaming
8:42
the knee. I know. We're like, I swear it's a
8:44
knee. I swear. It was like this guy, this guy.
8:49
Well, so that's really fun that you and your
8:51
mom were doing that together. Did you guys do
8:52
other things together? Like growing up? Are you
8:55
guys pretty tight? Yeah. Me and my mom were super,
8:57
super close growing up. And I would say we did
9:01
so much together. We traveled. sports. Um, I
9:04
would say my parents were very involved in all
9:06
of our lives. Um, they were our biggest cheerleaders,
9:09
our biggest fans. Um, and so we spent a lot of
9:12
time together growing up. Yeah. Good. Yeah. Um,
9:15
well, so one of the things that we're going to
9:18
take a look at today is we're gonna take a look
9:21
at some, some life lessons from the movie inside
9:24
out. Right. Um, and so as we kind of dive into
9:29
more of your story, And we'll take a look and
9:32
kind of compare and contrast that with some things
9:34
that we kind of learned from Inside Out. Set
9:37
the stage, if you would, about Inside Out and
9:40
kind of what's going on in this wonderful. disney
9:45
movie right this is just a gem it's an absolute
9:47
jam it is so kind of set the stage for it just
9:49
in case somebody hasn't watched it or at least
9:51
not watched it recently like what's the overarching
9:53
story going on in inside out yeah so um essentially
9:56
an inside out um what i love about it and i actually
9:59
got to re -watch it on the plane the other week
10:01
it was perfect um but what i love about inside
10:04
out is that I am blanking on the main character's
10:08
name right now. Riley. Riley is the main character
10:11
of the movie. And inside of her brain, we have
10:15
different emotions. We have joy. We have sadness.
10:18
There's disgust. There's anger. And what I love
10:23
throughout the movie is it really shows how all
10:25
of the emotions work together. And there can't
10:28
be one that overpowers the other. And I just
10:31
think that's so important. And it's crazy that
10:33
Disney movies can. teach us such beautiful lessons.
10:37
But that's the one thing that I love most about
10:39
it. And what I found really interesting in learning
10:42
more about this movie after it came out, because
10:46
it came out a number of years ago, was actually
10:48
how much research the writers did in understanding
10:51
what's going on in psychology of really the human
10:54
mind, but also specifically kids and teenagers
10:57
during those years. But the same thing applies
10:59
to us, which is why in the movie you also see
11:00
like the dad's brain and the mom's brain and
11:03
like what's going on there. And I do think you
11:05
bring up a great point, which is definitely part
11:08
of where we want to take the arc of this story,
11:10
which is kind of the interplay between these
11:11
emotions. And because initially, like Joy's running
11:15
the show, right? Like she is in charge. She's
11:18
running the show. In fact, I even have a quote
11:19
that I want to ask you about. Yeah, I love it.
11:21
So at the very beginning, when Joy is running
11:25
the show and she's, you know, not super excited
11:27
about what sadness is doing and bringing it to
11:30
the table, they have this exchange. Joy says,
11:33
Oh, sadness. I have a super important job just
11:36
for you. And sadness says, really? And joy says,
11:39
follow me. And they're perfect. This is the circle
11:43
of sadness. Your job is to make sure that all
11:45
the sadness stays inside of it. Right. And so,
11:49
you know, I think it's just funny exchange, right?
11:51
It's this cute, funny exchange at the beginning
11:53
of the movie. There's obviously layers deeper.
11:55
Totally. So when we think about that, about.
11:58
You know, how do you see that applying to what
12:01
we sometimes do with our emotions that maybe
12:04
doesn't serve us well? Oh, that's a great question.
12:07
And I feel like that quote actually sets this
12:10
up perfectly. But my experience with our emotions
12:13
is that in order for them to go, they need to
12:17
be felt first. And I think a lot of us shove
12:21
our emotions, we shove our sadness because A,
12:24
we think it's a distraction. B, we don't want
12:26
to feel it. or C, we just want to ignore it.
12:30
And I think when we do one of those three things,
12:33
it just keeps it inside and it gets pushed inside
12:37
of your head. It stays in your body and you never
12:40
allow it to pass through to really open up all
12:43
of the other emotions that you want to feel as
12:44
well. That's really well said. It's such a good
12:50
depiction in this movie of what that is. Something
12:53
that we all... do at times exactly um and we
12:57
might think that it's like in the interest of
12:59
self -preservation or like oh no that's what
13:01
i've got to do it's like a survival mechanism
13:03
and and the reality is it does not serve us well
13:07
because ultimately as we saw here like said this
13:10
doesn't stay in the circle exactly uh shinji
13:13
just becoming super disruptive because joy is
13:15
just trying to keep her inside that circle exactly
13:18
so when we when we take a look at some things
13:22
that um you've experienced i'm gonna kind of
13:24
dive into this is that okay yeah of course um
13:26
and and i know like i've i've i've heard you
13:29
on your podcast and some other podcasts and so
13:31
i know that you've been very gracious to people
13:33
to share like what was a really hard time in
13:35
your life and i want to be really sensitive that
13:36
right um but i also think it's really helpful
13:39
for people to hear somebody going through something
13:42
that was really really hard totally um and how
13:45
that affected your life at that time and then
13:48
how you built such a beautiful life from that
13:52
from that time. And so if you wouldn't mind kind
13:56
of setting the stage for kind of this, what I
13:59
would estimate is the hardest thing you've gone
14:01
through in your life. Is that fair? Is that what
14:03
you would say? It's got to be, right? It's got
14:05
to be. So maybe set the stage for us a little
14:07
bit. I think you're working at that time. You
14:11
were 16 years old, right? And so maybe set the
14:14
stage for us and kind of walk us through what
14:16
happened. And I'll have some additional questions
14:18
of like just trying to understand a little bit
14:19
more that's there and kind of what you're experiencing
14:21
so we can really start to see and learn from
14:25
you on how you process through those things.
14:28
Yeah, that's great. Well, I'll sum it up super
14:30
as quick as I can. It's kind of a big story.
14:33
And you don't have to, right? Yeah, totally.
14:35
We can go as long as it feels. authentic or good
14:39
for you in this story. Right. Because you can
14:41
make it faster if you need to. Right. But if
14:43
you need to take your time, take your time. Hey,
14:44
awesome. Well, thank you. And I'm excited to
14:49
share my story with you all. So I was 16 years
14:52
old on my way to work. I was working at a protein
14:56
shake and tea shop. And I was on my work on my
15:00
way to work at 5 a .m. And I have driven on the
15:05
same road for. years, right? Two years, I guess
15:10
I should say, because I had my school permit.
15:12
And it was 5am. And I remember I was running
15:16
a little bit late to work. And about, you know,
15:20
three minutes into my drive, I hit something.
15:24
And I remember calling my mom, obviously, you
15:27
hit something. So you slam on your brakes. And
15:30
I remember stopping my car. calling my mom, like,
15:33
mom, I hit something, but I just had like this
15:35
horrible gut feeling in my body. I was just like,
15:38
this does not feel good. And I think, obviously,
15:42
you get in a crash, you don't know what's happened
15:44
yet, right? But I remember saying, hey, I'm going
15:46
to go walk back, but it doesn't feel good. And
15:50
so I remember walking back, maybe about 10 feet,
15:54
I can't fully remember. And I remember seeing
15:58
a bicyclist on the ground. laying on the ground.
16:02
And I remember saying to my mom, oh my gosh,
16:05
mom, it's a biker. And a lot of that morning
16:10
was a blur. But what I can remember is my mom
16:13
was at the gym. So she was like, I will be right
16:16
there. And I remember there was a car behind
16:20
me that ended up stopping. And there was a different
16:22
car coming the other way that ended up stopping.
16:24
I believe she was in like a white truck. And
16:26
so we called 911. We gave him CPR. Can't say
16:32
how long it was, but before you know it, there's
16:34
an ambulance, there's lights, there's police
16:36
cars. And I just remember sitting here shaking
16:40
and I get the chills as I'm speaking. I'm like,
16:43
what has just happened? So you're, I mean, I
16:51
just can't, can't even imagine what that's like,
16:54
you know? How are you processing it? I mean,
17:00
it's like you said, it's a blur. Like, where
17:03
does your head go? Where do your emotions go
17:07
as you're ultimately end up leaving the scene
17:12
of that? You go back home, I assume, is where
17:15
you go at that point in time. What are you kind
17:17
of experiencing in those moments? Yeah, so I
17:21
didn't go straight home. My mom and I ended up
17:25
going into a police car and headed to the Coralville
17:27
Police Station, which was my hometown. And I
17:30
remember, I think I was just scared. I think
17:34
I was just terrified. I think I was confused.
17:37
I think I was sad. Like I know as I'm talking
17:41
right now, like I'm feeling probably what's most
17:44
alive is sadness. But I think I just remember
17:48
saying to my mom, Because I went through a few
17:50
things before this, like struggling with mental
17:52
health a little bit. Thought I was getting better.
17:54
And I was like, Mom, I just have a feeling things
17:56
are going to get a lot worse. And I was like,
17:59
this isn't going to be good. And so, I mean,
18:03
I think at that point, I just knew my whole entire
18:05
life had flipped upside down. And I had no idea
18:07
what that truly meant for me yet. Sure. So at
18:12
that point in time, the ambulance had come. They
18:15
took him to the hospital, I'm assuming. How long
18:20
before he ultimately passed away? Yeah. So I
18:23
remember really the only thing on my mind wasn't
18:27
really me for a lot of the process. It was, is
18:31
he alive? Yeah. Like, is he okay? Yeah. What's
18:34
going on? And I didn't find out a ton of information
18:38
that day or the following day. And I do remember
18:43
like the only thing I was asking, is he okay?
18:45
Is he alive? Like what happened? And I remember
18:50
a couple of days later, I was in the car with
18:53
my mom. And finally, I'm like, mom, can you please
18:57
tell me, like, is he alive? You know, because
19:01
I could just feel it. And she was like, honey,
19:04
he passed away. And I just remember, like, I
19:12
just went into shock, like bawling, you know,
19:15
because. I was like, oh my gosh, like my actions
19:19
have caused someone to pass away. And so it was
19:26
just an emotion, like an experience that I can't
19:29
say, like I can't replay over again, if that
19:33
makes sense. Yeah, absolutely. So, you know,
19:38
you're, you're, you're, you find this out, you
19:42
find this information out. And then if I remember
19:45
correctly, I think at some point in time too,
19:47
you guys made the wise decision of just trying
19:50
to contact counsel and just get an idea of like,
19:53
okay, what are we looking at here? What are the
19:55
possibilities? What should we prepare for? What
19:57
was that experience like? I mean, as you know,
19:59
I'm an attorney, right? And I know people are
20:02
calling us in their darkest hours, right? In
20:04
the times that are really, really difficult.
20:07
So what was that experience like as you're trying
20:09
to get advice from counsel and trying to figure
20:11
things out? get information, being aware of what
20:15
to expect? Yeah, that's a great question. So
20:17
what I will say is the day of my accident, once
20:20
I left the police station, they just advised
20:22
me to just go on with my daily life to try and
20:26
live as normally as I could. And that was for
20:30
about a month. And throughout this month, we
20:33
were advised by some family friends, you should
20:36
probably lawyer up. Um, luckily I had great parents
20:39
and they did take care of a lot for me. They
20:41
helped obviously me find a lawyer. Um, and I
20:44
just remember being like, why do I need a lawyer?
20:47
Why are lawyers getting involved? Like I didn't
20:49
have the full understanding of, I guess, like
20:52
how deep this was in that aspect, if that makes
20:56
sense. I just, you don't know what you don't
20:58
know. Yeah. You have no idea you're 16 years
21:00
old. Yeah, exactly. And so I was just scared.
21:03
I didn't know who to trust. I just didn't know
21:05
what that meant. But I do remember talking to
21:08
him for the first time. Tell me everything. Like,
21:11
here's what we know. Here are the worst possible
21:13
case scenarios. So we did go through it. We were
21:17
like, okay, court, you could get charged. You
21:20
could go put in, be put in like a woman's facility
21:23
or juvie, right? They kind of went over all of
21:27
the worst case. And we're like, we don't think
21:30
this will happen, but like we're preparing you
21:32
for the worst. And so it just put me in a constant
21:35
state of fear. Which is hard, right? Because
21:38
what's interesting is I advise clients about
21:42
things in divorce, right? I have to be real with
21:44
them. You have to give them those like possibilities
21:47
of things that could happen. And I'm not ignorant
21:51
to the fact that that can cause quite a bit of
21:54
stress. Because it's hard, right? Like when you
21:56
go through something hard, I think we all naturally
21:58
want to just know that it's going to be okay.
22:00
Everything's going to be rosy and great. Sometimes
22:03
it's not. Sometimes there's going to be some
22:06
hard things that happen, some hard choices that
22:07
have to be made or some harsh things that we
22:11
have to face. So ultimately, what ended up happening?
22:14
Yeah. So what ended up happening was I was at
22:18
track practice. Before track practice, I did
22:21
my normal morning. So I went to work. I went
22:26
to work out and then I went to track practice.
22:27
And we started track practice inside, which I
22:29
thought was weird because it wasn't raining.
22:31
And my coach was acting a little weird, didn't
22:35
really think anything of it. But then after we
22:38
broke out, he was like, hey, Grace, the office
22:40
needs you. I'm like, OK, you know, it's probably
22:42
my grades like school isn't my first priority
22:46
at this point. But I remember I walked into the
22:49
office and I walked into the conference room
22:52
with four police officers. And. I just like my
22:58
stomach dropped and I knew one of them and he
23:00
was holding a phone with his bag. And so I was
23:03
like, what's going on? You know, what are we
23:06
doing here? And they're like, you're coming with
23:08
us. And I'm like, well, where are we going? And
23:11
they explained to me that I was going to go to
23:13
get my fingerprints done to the sheriff's department.
23:18
And then I was going to go to the detention center
23:20
in Cedar Rapids. And I was like, does my mom
23:24
know? Like she just dropped me off. Like, you
23:27
know, I was just like flustered. I was like,
23:29
can I call my mom? Can I call my lawyer? Like
23:31
you don't really know what to do when you're
23:32
16. You don't know how to respond. Adults don't
23:36
know how to respond. Yeah. When you're faced
23:37
with that situation. Yeah. Yeah. No idea what
23:40
to do. Exactly. Yeah. Exactly. And so ultimately
23:44
they were like, you need to come outside with
23:45
us. And I was like, well, can I call my mom?
23:47
And so ultimately we ended up all five of us
23:50
walking outside. I got in the car with two of
23:53
them. And they did end up calling my mom when
23:57
I was in the car and he was standing outside
23:59
of the window and she didn't answer the first
24:01
time. And I was like, well, she doesn't know
24:04
the number. Like she just dropped me off. She's
24:06
still in her car. Can we please call again? And
24:08
so I just remember finally she answered and I
24:11
just broke out into tears. And I was like, mom,
24:14
like this is what's happening. And talked for
24:17
maybe 20, 30 seconds. And then I was on my way.
24:20
Which had to be. A lot. It was a lot. When you're
24:24
that age. What was that like for you with your
24:29
peers and those that you were around when you're
24:31
kind of going through this? Yeah, well, it was
24:35
tricky, you know, because the whole community
24:39
ended up finding out about the accident and ended
24:44
up being a big thing in our community. And so
24:47
I didn't feel a lot of support. at all yeah but
24:52
i did feel supported by my family and the people
24:55
i was around um however it's also embarrassing
24:58
like when your old older sister has an ankle
25:01
monitor and your daughter and your friend right
25:05
um but i would say also like the people that
25:09
i did find throughout that summer like they supported
25:11
me on big time like it didn't matter to them
25:14
if that makes sense yeah i mean When you go through
25:19
those hard things in life, it tends to separate
25:24
out those who truly care about you and those
25:26
that don't. And what did you find as the differentiating
25:32
factor for those who stuck with you and stuck
25:34
by your side and supported you and those who
25:37
didn't? What did you learn from that or what
25:39
did you see as the difference between those that
25:41
did and those that didn't? What I learned was
25:44
that Those that did love me for who I was, they
25:48
showed it. And what I mean by that is I'm a firm
25:52
believer in energy over actions and actions over
25:56
words. Because people can say things, right?
26:00
But their actions are really going to show you
26:03
how they feel, right? And so what I would say
26:06
is the people that were in my life or the people
26:09
that did come into my life that summer, they
26:11
really showed up big for me. There wasn't much
26:13
I had to offer at that point because throughout
26:18
all of it, I wasn't really sure how I should
26:20
feel, which we can get into. Like, you don't
26:24
know how to feel because you can't act too happy
26:29
or else people will think you don't care what
26:33
happened. You can't act too sad or else your
26:35
family is worried for your safety. You can't
26:38
be destructive because then you're going to fit
26:41
into. you know, the monster, right? And so you're
26:46
kind of just in this position where you're like,
26:48
I don't know how to feel because I'm also not
26:51
the victim here, you know, and I'm alive, right?
26:57
So he wasn't. And so it was just very hard to
27:04
know how to feel and how to show up, I would
27:06
say. When did you start to get some clarity on
27:09
that? What was the inflection point or the turning
27:14
point where you started to feel like you could
27:17
start to embrace the way you felt in certain
27:20
moments without having to worry so much about
27:22
being judged or other people worrying about how
27:26
you felt? I would say I don't know if there was
27:31
like a certain moment because even reflecting
27:34
back on that summer and reflecting on my journey
27:37
since then. I think there was always parts of
27:39
me that I just showed up how I was. Sometimes
27:41
I was angry. Sometimes I was sad. Sometimes I'd
27:44
have a good laugh. Right. And so I think I did
27:47
when I was comfortable show up in my authentic
27:52
self. Right. But I think, you know, especially
27:56
for my parents, sometimes that was maybe a little
27:58
hard to hold. You know what I mean? Like, I think
28:01
throughout all of it, I think I knew I was going
28:03
to be OK. I knew I was going to get through it,
28:05
even if some days I was like, I can't do this
28:07
anymore. But I think, too, like the people who
28:12
loved me most also worried about me so much,
28:14
which just ended up being production. You know
28:17
what I mean? Absolutely. So, you know, you're
28:21
going through these things. Do you ever feel
28:27
like, was part of it you felt guilty if you were
28:31
too happy? Totally. Yeah. which is so hard because
28:35
that thing happened. You paid a consequence for
28:39
it. You did what you're supposed to, and you've
28:42
got to be, and you're entitled to move forward
28:44
with life, which is really hard. So you go through
28:49
these things. You end up, I think you did ankle
28:52
monitor, right? You have probation until you're
28:54
18. And then at that point in time. What did
28:57
that look like? Did you end up going back to
28:59
school? Did you end up doing remote school? What
29:02
did you end up doing there? Yeah, so I ended
29:04
up staying online school for the rest of my high
29:07
school experience, partially because COVID happened
29:11
when I was a freshman, so it was an option. And
29:13
so I was just like, I'm not going to go back,
29:15
you know? I get it. Yeah. I totally get it. That
29:18
was probably a good decision for you. Yeah, totally.
29:21
With the people that were closest to you, what
29:24
did you find? were helpful things that they said?
29:28
And what did you find were not? And here's why
29:31
I ask, let me set the stage for a little bit.
29:33
When I've talked to a number of other people
29:36
going through really hard things in life, I've
29:37
always just found it very educational for me
29:40
to know like, hey, what actually helps in those
29:43
moments? What can somebody say or do that makes
29:46
a difference? And what isn't? And I'm always
29:48
surprised by the things that aren't because I've
29:51
said similar things. Totally. Thinking I'm doing
29:53
good. Right. And it's like super not helpful.
29:56
Exactly. So what was that like for you? What
29:59
things were said that were helpful? And then
30:00
on the other hand, what things were said by people
30:03
with good intentions that were really not helpful?
30:06
Yeah, totally. That's actually a great question.
30:08
And my answer actually might be a little bit
30:10
different. Good. We want different. Yeah, we
30:12
love different. And I would say a lot of times
30:15
it wasn't what they said. I think it's just how
30:18
you showed up, like how the people showed up.
30:21
Because there's some times where I didn't want
30:23
to talk. I just want the company or I just don't
30:27
want to talk about what has happened. Right.
30:30
You know, because. what i went through was so
30:33
unique it's not something that a lot of my friends
30:36
or peers or parents or family really even could
30:39
relate to um granted we all had our own experiences
30:43
throughout this time um but a lot of times i
30:46
actually didn't always want advice um because
30:50
and this was probably like the anger in me i'm
30:53
like you can't relate um because you aren't the
30:56
one in my shoes right now like i do remember
30:57
saying that um and while that may be true um
31:02
i know have more awareness i'm like okay but
31:05
they also have their own experiences um throughout
31:08
this as well um and so for me a lot of times
31:11
i just wanted people to listen or someone to
31:14
just cry to you know what i mean uh -huh so you
31:19
know i mean let's let's go take it to inside
31:23
out yeah because obviously you know riley had
31:25
vastly different experience but i think what
31:28
the lesson part of the lesson here is what the
31:30
emotions are that we experience right because
31:32
In Riley's story, what we see is she's in, I
31:37
believe, Minnesota. She plays hockey, right?
31:40
And then her parents have to move because her
31:42
dad, I think, gets a new job. Exactly. They were
31:44
kind of staying there and they moved to San Francisco.
31:46
And so she's experiencing these emotions of some
31:50
loss, right? Loss of her friends, loss of her
31:53
hockey team, her school that she was in. And
31:57
she's, and this, this sadness inside of her is
32:00
really wanting to break free from that circle.
32:02
And, and it seems like in the way that it plays
32:06
out, some of, some of it, she's kind of denying
32:08
that for a while, like not embracing those emotions.
32:11
There's one exchange there where they're kind
32:15
of asking her about her first day of school,
32:17
right? She goes to school finally and kind of
32:20
here's the exchange. Her mom says, so big day,
32:24
new school, new friends, huh? And Riley's response,
32:26
it was fine, I guess. I don't know. But she's
32:29
just kind of like, I'm not going to deal with
32:31
it. I'm not prepared. I'm not even willing to
32:33
acknowledge good or bad about it. Like, I'm over
32:37
it. I don't even want to talk about it. Right?
32:38
Is that kind of what you're experiencing sometimes
32:40
where it's like, I don't even want to talk about
32:42
it. Don't ask me about it. Like, I don't want
32:44
to talk. Yeah, totally. Totally. I think I did
32:48
that a lot. Right? Don't get me wrong. I did
32:50
feel my feelings. And there was many days that
32:53
I cried. But there were also a lot of days that
32:55
I pushed it off because it felt too heavy to
32:57
feel. Before we jump back in, can I ask you a
33:03
quick favor? If you're enjoying the journey so
33:05
far, will you like, rate, and subscribe to our
33:09
show? It helps us reach more people like you.
33:12
We can design and create and build the most wonderful
33:15
place in the world, but it takes people to make
33:18
the dream a reality. What's your advice to people
33:23
going through hard times in life where they're
33:28
struck with that, right? Of like, if it's just,
33:31
if you just go feel it, you just feel it every
33:33
single day and then it becomes wallowing as opposed
33:36
to just feeling the emotions versus trying to
33:39
find the times to feel it and the times to try
33:42
to pass it and feel something else. Yeah, that's
33:47
a great question. And it's making you think this
33:50
is good. Yeah, it is making me think. I'm like,
33:52
what direction do I want to go? Because I don't
33:54
have good answers here. That's why I was really
33:56
curious because I'm like, I don't know. I don't
33:58
know how you do it because, you know, we're taught
33:59
so many times these days that like you've got
34:02
to feel the emotions. You can't hide them. You
34:04
can't put them away. You have to feel them. At
34:06
some point in time, you have to also move past
34:08
them. Exactly. And then feel something different.
34:10
Yeah, exactly. And I think when you go through
34:13
something so heavy, our brains are actually the
34:18
one that tries to block us off from feeling.
34:21
our brains are the ones telling us you're fine.
34:23
You're fine. Just keep going. Just keep going.
34:26
But your heart and your body is, it wants to
34:29
feel. And so, yes, you can push off your emotions.
34:34
You can push off the sadness that you're feeling,
34:36
but it's always going to be inside of you until
34:39
you let it pass all of the way until you feel
34:43
the sadness. And once you feel the sadness, Once
34:46
you feel the emotion that you're feeling, it's
34:48
just going to allow you to feel everything else
34:50
even bigger as well. If that makes sense. So,
34:55
you know, one of the things that we talked about
34:58
in preparation for this episode is a little bit
35:01
the way that mindset plays into things that we
35:04
see and feel. So I've got a quote for you. Okay.
35:06
A non -movie quote. We're going to go with something
35:08
I think that you like, which is Ed Milet. I love
35:11
Ed Milet. Great. Yeah. And he said. The greatest
35:15
obstacle to success is not external factors,
35:18
but rather our own limiting beliefs. Change your
35:22
mindset, change your life. And I think that's,
35:27
I mean, I think that is your story. Totally.
35:30
Right. So, so walk us through that. You go through
35:33
this thing that's really hard. You have these
35:34
days that are so hard. Can't just be sad all
35:37
the time. So sometimes you have to not. And then
35:40
at some. At some point, this shift happens where
35:43
your mindset is different. You've been able to
35:46
move past it. You're not discounting the fact
35:49
that it was hard. You accepted that it was hard.
35:51
You accepted it happened. Kind of the core of
35:53
our yes and. Yes, that happened. And I'm going
35:56
to build a great life. Exactly. How did you do
36:00
that? How I did that, it didn't happen overnight.
36:05
And I think I do want to say that throughout.
36:08
all of this. I did truly believe that it was
36:12
happening for a reason and that it was calling
36:15
me for something higher. And so I always believed
36:18
that. And some days, yes, it was hard to believe.
36:23
I'm like, why is this happening? Right. And I
36:26
would say, I mean, it took years of therapy,
36:29
of coaching with Jeremy. And what I would say,
36:33
what really started The shift was just realizing,
36:41
you know, once I made it past kind of a lot of
36:46
the heavy stuff, like once I moved out, then
36:48
I realized, oh, I have control over my life again.
36:51
And so it was kind of the independence that moving
36:54
into my own apartment gave me. I was like, oh,
36:56
I have control over my life again. And even though
37:00
I have control over my life, again, I think a
37:02
lot of things happen in life externally that
37:04
make us feel like we don't have any power. And
37:08
so I would say I've been exploring that concept
37:11
for, you know, three plus years. So moving out
37:17
certainly had sounds like a big impact. What
37:20
impact did moving states have? How has that played
37:24
a role in this journey of you building your new
37:27
life? Yeah. So moving states. It's a big deal.
37:31
It's a big move. It is a big deal. Iowa to Utah.
37:33
Yeah, it's wild. Super different. Yeah. Yeah.
37:36
I would say, yeah, because before that, yeah,
37:41
I just had moved to my apartment. And so even
37:43
the difference of moving from home to my apartment
37:46
and then from Iowa to Utah was wild because I
37:50
remember saying a few things. I want to go somewhere
37:52
where no one knows me. And I want to become the
37:56
version of myself that I've always wanted to
37:57
be. And what's super interesting is as I've moved,
38:01
well, one, I did know my team moving here, but
38:05
I truly am somewhere where no one knows me. And
38:07
it's very different than living somewhere where
38:10
you know everybody. And the be becoming who I've
38:14
always wanted to be is a really beautiful opportunity.
38:23
Always the opportunity to really learn who I
38:28
was and discover the things that I like to do
38:32
and to just be the person that I wanted to be
38:36
because I was so scared to be who I wanted to
38:38
be because I didn't feel safe enough to really
38:41
show the world who I was living back home. And
38:46
this is this is part of. what I think is so beautiful
38:50
about your story. Like, this is exactly it. And
38:53
I came across this quote from Renee Brown that
38:59
just really epitomized, I think, what we're talking
39:01
about here. What she said was, I'm going to try
39:06
not to get emotional on this. Why is this one
39:10
hitting me, Grace? She said, when we deny our
39:15
stories, they define us. When we own our stories,
39:18
we get to write a brave new ending. I love that.
39:23
And so for you, like what I'm hearing is you
39:28
made this move, right? This move to Utah and
39:30
you've been able though to still embrace it,
39:34
which is why I think it's so, it's counterintuitive
39:36
because one would think, okay, move to Utah,
39:39
just get away from it, right? And then just leave
39:42
that past in the past and then you'll never have
39:44
to worry about it again because nobody here knows
39:46
anything about it. But that's not what you did.
39:48
It's not what you did because you're here today
39:51
and you've been on other podcasts and you have
39:55
your own podcast and you're doing other things
39:57
and you're talking about your story. You're not
39:59
hiding from it. How has that empowered you to
40:03
be able to be the full version of yourself and
40:06
bring goodness to other people? I love that.
40:09
I love that. And what I will say, what that quote
40:12
reminded me of is that the key is, is you have
40:17
to run to these parts of you. You can't hide
40:20
from them because they're always going to be
40:22
there. And what I have done is I have ran to
40:24
these old parts of me. Moving to Utah has created
40:28
the space for me to feel safe enough to lean
40:31
into those parts of me. And by leaning into these
40:34
parts of me, just like emotions, I've been able
40:37
to work through them. to see them, to greet them
40:39
with love and compassion. And I've been able
40:42
to create this different story for myself. So
40:46
it's so good. And, you know, in life, everybody
40:53
has hard seasons and hard trials. And, you know,
40:56
sometimes, I mean, what I think is the case,
41:00
and maybe you can give your thoughts here on
41:02
this, is sometimes we do need to have a little
41:04
bit of an environment change. It doesn't have
41:06
to be that we move all the way across the country.
41:07
It doesn't have to be that. It could be. Right.
41:11
It could be, but sometimes you do have to move
41:14
houses. Sometimes you've got to change jobs.
41:16
Sometimes you've got to change friend groups
41:19
so that you can feel safe. What have you found
41:26
has been helpful for you in finding safe places,
41:30
right? Safe groups, safe places to be able to...
41:34
Be yourself, express who you are. Well, the funny
41:38
thing is, is that I actually, yes, there are
41:43
safe groups, there are safe places, but ultimately
41:45
for anything to change, the only thing that needs
41:49
to change is you. And in order for me to feel
41:53
safe, it's not the other people, it's myself.
41:56
And so what it's shown me is that, you know,
42:02
As I've moved, I've had a shift in my belief
42:07
that it's not the other people, it's me. So I
42:10
clearly feel safe in myself to show up this way
42:12
in Iowa or to show up this way years ago, right?
42:17
And so it started with me. And then by feeling
42:20
safe within me, I've been able to open up to
42:23
others and be able to let down my guard and be
42:26
able to trust others and be a part of safer groups
42:29
because I had a story that no one was safe. Nothing
42:32
was safe. Only I was. But in reality, I didn't
42:35
feel that way internally, which is why I showed
42:38
up externally that way. Have you found that once
42:43
you did that work on yourself and then you could
42:46
be safe with others, have you found that that's
42:48
helped empower others to feel safe enough where
42:50
they can open up a little bit? Totally. Do you
42:52
find that true? Yeah, totally. Because I mean,
42:54
I have to imagine that it has. Yeah. I mean,
42:58
just hearing the vulnerability in your story
43:00
and you sharing it, to me, that empowers others.
43:05
It helps others feel like, look, if she's brave
43:08
enough, maybe I've got it too. Maybe I can. Maybe
43:12
I can not shy away from the fact that I sometimes
43:16
feel that. Or that I struggle with certain things.
43:19
Or that there are certain parts of me that are
43:20
really tough. That I want to hide away and lock
43:23
away and put in a little circle and not let out.
43:25
But I can because if she's brave enough to, she's
43:28
gone through something harder than I can. Exactly.
43:31
So I think you also like Dan Sullivan. Is that
43:34
right? Yeah. Another quote from him, which is
43:36
just perfectly on point. And it just really highlights
43:39
exactly what you're saying. He said, everything
43:40
in life happens for you. Exactly. Not to you.
43:44
So when we look at that shift. What does that
43:47
shift do for people holding themselves back?
43:52
What does that do for people who have not been
43:55
able to embrace maybe what their potential is?
43:58
Yeah. Well, what I love about that quote is when
44:01
you say everything happens to me, that puts you
44:04
in victim mode and that takes away your power.
44:07
Whereas when you say everything happens for me,
44:10
you're the one in the driver's seat. You're the
44:13
one, you have the power and it's your decision.
44:17
Anything in life is really your decision. And
44:20
so what I love about that quote is that it just
44:23
shows people the differences. Really, there's
44:26
like two voices in your head, right? You got
44:28
the victim side and you've got the one where
44:31
you're taking the control. And it's just like,
44:33
which one are you going to choose? Because at
44:36
the end of the day, it's no one else deciding.
44:39
It's you deciding. And it's what I find so interesting
44:44
too about this is. We hear that. And academically,
44:48
I think most people are like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
44:51
That happens for me. Yeah. And then when something
44:53
really hard happens, they're the exception. Right.
44:56
Or it can't possibly be that way. Of course,
44:58
I'm the victim. Right. And it's just so easy
45:01
for people to get caught into that victim mentality.
45:04
Totally. It's the other outside factors. That's
45:06
what's keeping me back. That's why I can't get
45:09
the job I want. That's why I can't make the income
45:11
I want. That's why I can't get the clients and
45:14
close real estate deals like I want to. Um, and
45:18
yet that paradigm shift, if we can make it and
45:21
it's not easy, if we can make it, it just opens
45:24
up a lot to me. Like, is that a shift that happens
45:29
once or is it a shift that happens every day?
45:31
I think it's totally a shift that happens every
45:33
day. Um, because in my experience, a lot of what
45:37
we tell ourselves, like 95 % of our thoughts
45:39
are subconscious, right? And so if 95 % of our
45:42
thoughts are subconscious, A lot of the things
45:45
that we're telling ourself, we don't even realize
45:46
that we're telling ourself. And that's what's
45:48
super interesting. And so in my experience, what
45:51
I've had to do, I'll notice I tell myself something.
45:53
Oh, this client's not going to work with me.
45:56
This client is going to work. Like once you start
45:59
to notice what you're telling yourself, then
46:01
you can shift it. And so it's just consciously
46:03
shifting the things that you're saying to yourself.
46:05
It starts with just noticing it, awareness, and
46:09
then shifting it. I think that's exactly right.
46:14
Allow me to digress for a second. So I'm going
46:18
to talk about something that's technically religious,
46:20
but I'll explain why it's not. And hopefully
46:24
we'll have a broader set because I like to appeal
46:25
to anybody who wants to listen. And in my mind,
46:28
you know, somebody believes devoutly in God or
46:31
just a higher power or just nature. This applies
46:34
across the board. But there's something that
46:36
is said in the particular scripture that says
46:39
that the natural man is an enemy to God. And
46:43
to me, where that applies here is just it doesn't
46:44
have to be that's an enemy to God, but that subconscious
46:46
or that natural man or those natural tendencies
46:49
that we have can take us down darker paths. But
46:53
when we realize that, like, okay, 95 % is subconscious.
46:57
Well, I am going to have to work every day to
47:01
overcome where my mind might naturally go to
47:04
start making that shift and seeing it differently,
47:06
recognizing that there's a part of me that wants
47:09
to. do something else or be an idiot right or
47:12
whatever it is like lots of things that are that
47:14
way um and the recognition can help us and i
47:18
i do think i mean i probably said the question
47:20
of poorly but i agree that like it's every day
47:22
we have to do it every day right um it's it's
47:26
always going to be something we want to pay attention
47:27
to and shift uh because if not if we get lazy
47:31
um and we stop paying attention to those things
47:34
and it's going to be really easy for us to fall
47:36
down that path of what the subconscious is pulling
47:38
us to or what the natural man is pulling us to,
47:40
right? Okay, so jumping back to Inside Out, okay?
47:44
So part of what happens here then is, you know,
47:48
Riley's got these emotions she's battling back
47:51
and forth. And I want you to talk a little bit
47:53
about, in just a second here, about interplay
47:56
at the end between joy and sadness, which I think
47:59
is really maybe the most beautiful part of the
48:00
story. But the exchange with Riley and her parents
48:03
is this towards the end. when it's finally all
48:06
coming out, right? She finally stops having to
48:08
say that she's fine and act like everything's
48:09
okay because she ran away. She was going to go
48:11
back to Minnesota, right? So here's what she
48:13
says when she's talking to him. She's like, I
48:16
know you don't want me to, but I miss home. I
48:20
miss Minnesota. You need me to be happy, but
48:23
I want my old friends and my hockey team. I want
48:25
to go home. Please don't be mad. And mom says,
48:28
oh, sweetie. Dad says, we're not mad. You know
48:30
what? I miss Minnesota too. So, you know, it
48:34
took them a while in the show to get to this
48:37
point where they could have this interchange.
48:38
But the open communication where once Riley felt
48:43
safe to communicate it, then she could. And now
48:48
her parents suddenly realize why why she's acting,
48:50
why she's lashing out. And then they can have
48:52
the exchange. And that's like, yeah, I miss Minnesota,
48:55
too. Like, this is really hard. Now we can work
48:58
on this together. Now we can experience this
49:00
together. But in these moments, and I don't remember
49:03
if it's right before this or right after, but
49:06
you have the realization that joy comes to about
49:10
embracing sadness. So talk to me about how that
49:15
applies to your situation, all of our situations,
49:20
how that helps us in life, understanding and
49:22
realizing what that interplay and why both joy
49:25
and sadness together are important. I love that.
49:28
I love that. And then you're so right. It is
49:30
a beautiful end really to the movie. And joy
49:34
and sadness, they do work together. All of our
49:36
emotions work together. And you can't feel joy
49:40
without feeling sadness. And you can't feel excitement
49:45
without feeling sadness. And so they're interchangeable
49:49
and they both play a purpose in every story because
49:54
every story brings. multiple emotions right as
49:59
we have that um example in the movie so you know
50:04
when when joy is embracing sadness in here what
50:07
i what i find really interesting and why i think
50:09
the movie did a nice job of displaying is because
50:10
you had these like core memories right that she
50:14
had that really had and one of them was her hockey
50:18
team carrying her on their shoulders and celebrating
50:20
her and that's all you saw at first was like
50:23
this joyful memory of that then Once joy embraces
50:28
sadness, you realize the whole story, which is
50:31
that Riley missed the winning goal. Exactly.
50:35
And she was sad. And, man, why am I emotional
50:39
today? Grace, this one's really getting me today.
50:44
You know, in those moments where she's experiencing
50:46
what could have been just such extreme sadness
50:48
for her, right? Like, lets her team down, right?
50:51
Lets her parents down who, you know, find so
50:53
much joy in her playing hockey. And instead,
50:56
her team responds totally differently. And they
50:59
embrace her. And they celebrate her. And now
51:02
this moment of sadness and joy together becomes
51:06
the core memory. And then once joy, the emotion
51:10
joy inside of her head, realizes the interplay
51:13
between the two and how that played so well together.
51:17
Like you said, the sadness was necessary to experience
51:20
the joy. She wouldn't have had so much joy had
51:22
she not been experiencing something so hard.
51:24
now it's joyful because this is embracing her
51:27
giving her the sense of belonging it becomes
51:29
this really beautiful thing and to some degree
51:32
that's kind of what i hear in your story is you
51:36
had this really sad difficult tragic thing with
51:42
these complex emotions you have to experience
51:44
and it becomes part of your story and it becomes
51:47
part of what leads to joy and the life that you're
51:50
building you can't you can't have all of the
51:53
things without embracing the whole picture the
51:55
whole landscape of what you've experienced exactly
51:57
and i think it just it's a really maybe it's
52:02
a big example right but but again we all have
52:07
it and if we all realize in those moments that
52:10
we can look at our full story and embrace the
52:12
complex emotions that are there and use that
52:15
mind shift if that happened for me so that I
52:18
can now experience joy. Exactly. So what, for
52:22
you, what are like, what are the greatest moments
52:25
of joy that you experience? Well, the greatest
52:29
moments of joy I experience is when I have shared
52:32
experiences really with the people that I love.
52:35
So good. It's so good, right? When I'm in new
52:38
places that I love, just experiencing new things,
52:42
new places. I love travel. I've learned that
52:44
I love. travel and playing and i never used to
52:48
which is so funny yeah yeah uh -huh yeah when
52:52
when you're willing to try new things you start
52:54
discovering exactly that's exactly yeah good
52:58
okay so um we're gonna circle back uh at the
53:02
end for some final thoughts but i want to hit
53:04
a couple of quick fun segments let's do it yeah
53:05
for it let's do it okay we're gonna first one
53:07
we're gonna hit is a this or that okay so They
53:10
might not be easy answers. Okay. And we're going
53:12
to make you answer anyways, Grace. Let's do it.
53:14
Okay. You ready, heart? Let's do it. Okay. The
53:16
first one. This is a hard one. Joy or sadness?
53:21
I can't say both, can I? You can't. You have
53:25
to choose one or the other. Joy or sadness? I'm
53:27
going to choose sadness. Okay. Okay. Tell me
53:31
more. Usually I just go quick, but I want to
53:33
hear more. Tell me more. I say sadness because
53:35
I truly am a firm believer that... if you are
53:40
willing to feel the sadness you are going to
53:43
feel the joy so much greater and so you can't
53:46
have a great amount of joy without sadness okay
53:48
beautiful answer beautiful answer um okay so
53:53
within the world of inside out um headquarters
53:57
or long -term memory headquarters okay yeah Long
54:06
-term memory is fine. Yeah. Exactly. Give me
54:08
that fun. Yeah. Okay. I don't know if you've
54:11
been to both these places, but we're going to
54:13
throw it anyways because it applies to the movie.
54:15
San Francisco or Minnesota? San Francisco. Okay.
54:19
You've been to San Francisco? Not San Francisco,
54:21
but I've been to Minnesota. That's enough. You're
54:25
like, that's enough. That's enough. San Francisco
54:27
for sure. Okay. That's fair. I've only ever been
54:30
through the airport in Minnesota. Nice. And it
54:32
was fine. Yeah. But like, I've been to San Francisco.
54:35
Yeah. And the food is great. Exactly. That's
54:36
what I've heard. Great seafood. Exactly. I'm
54:39
a Niners fan. I love it. So I'm like, give me
54:41
some San Francisco. We know technically it's
54:43
in Santa Clara, but whatever. It's still the
54:45
greater San Francisco area. Okay. Gym day or
54:49
rest day? Gym day. Yeah. I mean, I was like,
54:52
that's going to be the answer for sure. Okay.
54:56
How about this one? Open house or closing day?
55:02
Closing day. Yeah, because it's like this big
55:03
celebration and they're closing on their house.
55:05
Yeah, but it's also so bittersweet. You know,
55:07
I tell my clients, I'm like, yeah, I'm like,
55:09
I'm super happy for you. And we've been talking
55:11
every day for the last three months and I'm kind
55:13
of sad. Isn't that interesting? Joy and sadness
55:16
in one. Joy and sadness in one, you see? Yes.
55:19
It shows up all the time. It does. It shows up.
55:22
Okay. New listing or new construction? New listing.
55:30
Okay. New listings. It's really exciting, I'm
55:32
sure. Good. Good. Iowa summers or Utah summers?
55:36
Utah summers. Let's have some good summers. Yeah.
55:40
We do. I didn't ask Utah winter or Iowa winter
55:43
because I'm assuming it's got to be Utah. But
55:46
that's because I'm ignorant and I don't know
55:48
Iowa at all. It just seems like it's really cold
55:49
and there's not a lot to do. Exactly. Yes. And
55:52
the snow is different because it's more slushy
55:54
and icy there where it's like more powdery here.
55:57
It wasn't super snowy. You didn't get a good
55:59
one. You got a terrible winter. We didn't show
56:02
out well. Grace will be better next year. Okay.
56:04
We'll show you a better winter this next year.
56:06
So you can try your hand at snowboarding or something.
56:10
Okay. I have no idea if this is stuff you do
56:13
or not, but we're going to give it a shot because
56:14
you seem adventurous. Skydiving or scuba diving?
56:17
Skydiving. You've been skydiving? So much fun.
56:20
Oh my gosh. I was going to say that brings me
56:22
joy. I was about to say that. It seems so wild.
56:24
I just. Like of all the things that I could do,
56:28
that's one where I'm like, no, I could actually
56:30
die. I just don't think I could do it. So much
56:32
fun. Oh, did you do it tandem? Because you have
56:35
to at first, right? Until you do a certain number,
56:37
you can't do it solo. Yeah, exactly. But you
56:39
loved it. Yeah. Uh -huh. Maybe one day I will.
56:41
Maybe one day. Okay, the last list of that. Beach
56:44
trip or mountain trip? For the first, like, 18
56:52
years of my life. 20. 20. Years of my life, I
56:55
would say beach. But I just got home from Florida
57:00
and I now live in Utah and I think I would actually
57:02
say mountain now. Wow. Yeah. Okay. There's more
57:05
to do. It's like adventurous. There's so beautiful
57:07
things to see. I mean, you're not wrong. Do you
57:10
surf at all? No. I don't either. I'm going to
57:14
learn. I would love to learn too. Yeah. I'm really
57:19
torn on it too because like the beach is great,
57:22
but I'm not like. me lay out and get tan because
57:26
right dude like we don't do that right like man
57:28
i can go get in the water and i can build a sand
57:30
castle with the kids but like then it's like
57:32
that's it i'm like i'm good like i spent a couple
57:33
hours and i'm good whereas you're right in the
57:36
mountains there is a ton to do totally fish you
57:38
can hike you can explore i just did a trip with
57:42
my boys um and and the youth in our neighborhood
57:46
and we did canyon airing okay fun which was amazing
57:49
like rappelling and like all this crazy cool
57:51
stuff so yeah i mean okay look you got a good
57:54
point okay i know you got a good point i can't
57:56
believe i'm saying i still do love the beach
57:58
where in florida did you go uh we're in fort
58:00
myers this past time okay fort myers yeah good
58:02
so you experienced this amazing beach yes um
58:04
okay here's their rapid fire okay are you ready
58:06
for these i know like Whatever first comes to
58:09
your mind. Okay, let's do it. We might judge
58:12
you. We won't judge you. We won't judge. We embrace
58:13
all answers. Yeah. Because the questions are
58:15
set up that way. Exactly. Favorite Disney movie?
58:18
Frozen. Isn't it a good one? I love Frozen. That's
58:22
kind of easy. You like Frozen 2? I do. So do
58:24
I. Yeah, I do. I'm actually a little torn between
58:27
the two. That's how much I like Frozen 2. Really?
58:29
I love them both. That's interesting. I think
58:32
that there's some additional complexities in
58:34
character development you see, especially from
58:35
Olaf and Kristoff. Totally. and then also from
58:39
anna uh -huh where like anna comes into her own
58:42
and then you see this nice interplay of christoph
58:45
being really what's a very supportive mate right
58:49
that he's not saving the day for her he's not
58:52
he's actually just finding ways to support her
58:54
and what she needs exactly it's a really beautiful
58:55
relationship i agree i digress sorry i digress
58:58
made a rapid fire and i'm sitting here giving
59:00
big long explanations i'm sorry okay so uh next
59:03
one favorite disney song wherever i i'll go Or
59:08
where? Yes. How Far I'll Go? From Moana. Yes.
59:11
Oh, love that song so much. So good. Yeah. Do
59:14
you like Lin -Manuel Miranda? Mm -hmm. Okay.
59:16
Mm -hmm. Obsessed. Totally obsessed. I love him.
59:19
I love... The song really is a very beautiful
59:22
song. And going and seeing the live action Moana
59:26
that just came out, it just reminded me how good
59:30
that song really is. Mm -hmm. You know, it just
59:32
captures so much of, like, wanting to... Be called
59:37
to something greater. Exactly. Which you've experienced,
59:40
right? That's why I love it. And trying to not
59:43
underestimate yourself and what you're capable
59:45
of. Exactly. Oh, it's such a beautiful song.
59:47
So good. Okay, favorite Disney princess? I know
59:53
I already said Frozen, but I really love Elsa.
59:55
You can totally say Elsa. Yeah, I'm like, I love
59:57
Elsa. That is an acceptable answer. Look, she's
59:59
got two killer songs, right? I know. We're talking
1:00:01
about Frozen 1 and Frozen 2. You gotta let it
1:00:02
go and you get into the end now. Exactly. Dina
1:00:05
Menzel, girl's got some pipes. So good, I know.
1:00:07
She's got some pipes. That's a good answer. Favorite
1:00:10
Disney hero or heroine? Simba. Simba. Yeah. That's
1:00:16
a good one. I know. Simba's fun. I was like,
1:00:17
that one's easy. Now you, I mean, you weren't
1:00:19
even alive, I'm sure, when the first one came
1:00:21
out, right? But the live, well, I guess it's
1:00:24
not really live action because they're not real.
1:00:26
Still CG, but it feels like it's real. Is that
1:00:28
the one that you are familiar with and you've
1:00:29
seen? Yeah. Yeah, which is really good. simba
1:00:32
simba's great he's got a great like hero's journey
1:00:35
he does he does and what he experiences again
1:00:38
coming back like he had to realize who he was
1:00:40
forgot it lost it no had to have mufasa uh remind
1:00:44
him yeah uh we just had in fact that book right
1:00:48
there my pride we just had him on alton he was
1:00:51
on just this last week with us he played mufasa
1:00:54
on broadway oh no way more than 4 000 performances
1:00:57
uh and it's just like yeah the lion king is such
1:01:00
a beautiful story uh and the role that mufasa
1:01:03
plays in helping to guide his son even from beyond
1:01:06
and helping simba realize like who can become
1:01:09
oh i love the story okay um i don't know have
1:01:14
you been to disneyland not disneyland world okay
1:01:18
we'll go disney world favorite ride at disney
1:01:20
world that's a good question i know there's so
1:01:29
many good ones Which park do you, have you been
1:01:32
to all the parks or only some of them? Only some
1:01:34
of them. Okay. I don't know what it was. There's
1:01:36
Magic Kingdom that has the castle. Yeah. Animal
1:01:38
Kingdom, right, where you see all the animals.
1:01:40
Epcot with Big Ball. Yeah. Right. And then Hollywood
1:01:43
Studios, which might be a controversial opinion.
1:01:46
That one's okay for me. Yeah, totally. Because
1:01:48
I'm more of a Disneyland guy, so I've seen most
1:01:50
of those things there. I love Epcot because it's
1:01:52
totally different. There's nothing like that
1:01:54
at Disneyland out here out west. So, like, I
1:01:57
love Epcot. I don't think I've been at that one.
1:01:59
So, that's what. That's what I got to do. Next
1:02:00
time you go, this is what you got to do. You
1:02:04
got to go to Epcot. Epcot. And you have to do
1:02:06
the Guardians ride that's there. Okay. It is
1:02:08
unbelievable. Deal. It's really, it's pretty
1:02:12
new. I believe it costs more than a billion dollars
1:02:15
just to make that singular ride. Interesting.
1:02:17
And worth it. Amazing. Okay. Alrighty. I want
1:02:20
to hear a report afterward. Okay. I'll tell you.
1:02:22
See if you love it as much as I think you will.
1:02:23
Okay. Favorite Disney villain. Ooh. This one's
1:02:27
a little harder. This one is a little bit harder.
1:02:30
Give me a few to choose from. Once I hear a lot
1:02:33
of Scar from Lion King, we get Maleficent all
1:02:35
the time. People love Maleficent. I don't really
1:02:39
love her as much. She's okay. You get Ursula
1:02:41
a lot from Little Mermaid. That's a good one.
1:02:43
She's a really popular one. Yeah, that's a good
1:02:44
one. What do you think? Ursula. Ursula. Yeah,
1:02:46
totally. Her song's great. I know. Her song is
1:02:49
so good. I know. And she's kind of like... I
1:02:52
mean, she's a little bit misunderstood. Obviously,
1:02:54
she's got terrible things about her, but, like,
1:02:55
she's a little misunderstood, right? Totally.
1:02:57
Exactly. She's making a contract, okay? Exactly.
1:03:00
Ariel agreed to this contract. True. Maybe she
1:03:02
was a minor. Exactly. Maybe she didn't actually
1:03:04
agree, but it's fine. You had her agree. That's
1:03:07
super fun. Okay. Which inside -out emotion do
1:03:11
you relate to the most? I would say at this point
1:03:14
in my life, joy. Good. That's a good answer.
1:03:17
Yeah. I love to hear that, too. Yeah, me too.
1:03:18
I'm glad to hear that. Favorite city to visit?
1:03:22
Ooh, favorite city to visit. Recently, I've been
1:03:29
loving Scottsdale to visit. Interesting. Tell
1:03:32
me what you like doing in Scottsdale. There's
1:03:35
just a lot going on. There's good food. I have
1:03:37
friends that live there. I love the dry heat,
1:03:40
the vibes. It's just great. Scottsdale is pretty
1:03:43
good. Yeah, and it's close to here. There is
1:03:46
really great food. Do you ever, do you ever fly
1:03:50
out of the Provo airport to go there? It's cheap.
1:03:52
It's so cheap. It's like a hundred bucks. How
1:03:54
do I not? Exactly. How do I not do this? Right.
1:03:56
It's amazing. Uh, favorite food. Favorite food.
1:03:59
Ooh. Um, well back home we have these, um, amazing
1:04:04
cinnamon rolls. So those are like my favorite
1:04:07
thing ever. Comfort food right there. Totally.
1:04:09
Yeah. I can dig some cinnamon rolls. Yeah. So
1:04:12
good. Um, okay. Um, Here's the next two. They
1:04:18
might not be so rapid fire, but we're going to
1:04:20
ask them anyways. How are you saying yes and
1:04:23
in your life right now? Oh, I love that question.
1:04:27
How I'm saying yes and is yes, I'm super happy
1:04:33
with where I'm at in my life and how far I've
1:04:36
come. And I'm excited to learn more, to grow
1:04:41
more, and to continue becoming the best version
1:04:44
of myself. love the mindset love the attitude
1:04:46
amazing what is a question that i should have
1:04:50
asked you about your story about inside out about
1:04:53
anything that i didn't question that you should
1:04:56
have asked me that's a good question a lot of
1:05:04
times what i find is uh with the movies especially
1:05:06
my guests almost always will watch the movie
1:05:09
before and then i kind of get into a groove and
1:05:12
then i like i move past something they really
1:05:14
want to talk about with a movie or some part
1:05:17
of their story that i just didn't think to ask
1:05:19
or get to was there anything like that and if
1:05:20
not totally good totally um well what i would
1:05:24
just say um is maybe oh gosh this is a great
1:05:32
question um i guess when i moved here um you
1:05:36
know what i actually felt in that moment is what
1:05:38
i would say okay so tell us What did you feel?
1:05:41
So it was so interesting when I moved here. Leaving
1:05:48
because I wasn't super sad, you know, when I
1:05:51
was getting ready to leave. But I do remember
1:05:53
like the morning I left home was like the hardest
1:05:56
thing I've ever done. You know, it was a whirlwind
1:05:59
of emotions because I had to take my Utah real
1:06:01
estate exam that morning because that was the
1:06:03
only opening. Oh, my goodness. So I wanted to
1:06:05
do it before I left. Yeah. and then saying goodbye
1:06:09
to my family and everything I've known. And then,
1:06:12
you know, two hours into the drive, I felt the
1:06:15
most free that I ever had. Like, I just felt
1:06:18
like, oh my gosh, like I could just like see
1:06:20
my future unfolding in front of me. It was wild.
1:06:22
And then what's funny is I ended up like getting
1:06:26
a little bit sick. So it was just interesting
1:06:29
to like, just feel, you know, stuff releasing.
1:06:35
You know, and then I had an ultimate hack and
1:06:37
went to a meditation retreat. And that was amazing.
1:06:41
And that was amazing. And then I just went all
1:06:43
in into my life here in Utah. My goodness. So
1:06:47
some really complex emotions. Totally. Yeah,
1:06:50
it wasn't like it was just this like singular
1:06:52
thing you're experiencing. It wasn't this unilateral
1:06:54
thing you're experiencing. It's like the longing
1:06:57
of what you're leaving. It's the nostalgia of
1:06:59
what was there, the sadness you're leaving, excitement,
1:07:02
joy. sick your body's like okay i'm experiencing
1:07:06
all these things i'm a little sick right now
1:07:07
yeah exactly meditation get the release yeah
1:07:10
process stuff yeah rotation retreat i'm sure
1:07:12
yeah yeah and so it it just kind of goes to show
1:07:16
like you can feel all things at once and emotions
1:07:19
are just temporary they're just showing you what's
1:07:22
alive and you just need to feel them to pass
1:07:25
and let them go It's beautiful. I'm glad you
1:07:27
asked that question to yourself. Thank you. Yeah,
1:07:30
of course. I was like, I need to think about
1:07:32
this. That's a good one. Yeah. Because I wasn't
1:07:34
smart enough to ask that. It was great. It's
1:07:35
fantastic. Yeah. Okay. So what we like to do
1:07:38
at the end of every episode is have our guests
1:07:41
share what we call three actionable takeaways.
1:07:44
And the design is three specific things that
1:07:47
somebody could do today or this week to put into
1:07:51
practice. the things that we talked about, what
1:07:54
would your three actionable takeaways be? Yeah.
1:07:57
Well, the first thing I would say is to, if you
1:08:01
notice you have any emotions that you're suppressing
1:08:04
or not feeling, my one first action step would
1:08:07
be to just get curious about it. Just dive in.
1:08:11
What's the worst that could happen? Second would
1:08:15
be maybe to do a mini thought audit. If you,
1:08:23
Pay attention to the things that you're telling
1:08:25
yourself and you realize you're in a place of
1:08:27
I'm not going to do this or I'm scared. The words
1:08:32
I am are so powerful. So just maybe pay attention
1:08:35
to what's following the I am. And if you notice
1:08:38
you're in a place of doubt, shift it into belief
1:08:42
and just see what happens. Fantastic. And then
1:08:47
my third thing, what I would say is. to do things
1:08:56
that make you happy. Find things that you enjoy
1:09:00
to do and just get to know yourself and what
1:09:02
you love to do and what makes you happy. Notice
1:09:05
the people that you like to be around. Just,
1:09:09
yeah. I do think it's really easy in life to
1:09:13
just get really busy. Totally. And then you have
1:09:15
those things that... Either you know, do, and
1:09:18
you just haven't done for a long time. Or you've
1:09:21
gotten so busy that you forgot to eat. Exactly.
1:09:25
And it doesn't mean a wholesale abandonment of
1:09:28
who you are to go do that happy thing. Sometimes
1:09:31
it's not even huge things. For me, I found like,
1:09:35
I really enjoy golfing. Exactly. I can't golf
1:09:38
all the time. I can't go every day, right? I
1:09:41
maybe can't even go every week. But when I found
1:09:43
times to do it, it's that. little bit of release
1:09:47
for me that's just i actually forget about everything
1:09:49
else so it's funny my wife will ask me like what
1:09:52
you guys talk about you talk about so -and -so's
1:09:55
life or their kids or their job like no nope
1:09:57
just talked about golf exactly like we literally
1:09:59
just lived in the moment and i freaking had a
1:10:02
blast just golfing it's a great great suggestions
1:10:06
there those are three terrific actual takeaways
1:10:08
really appreciate you being on today uh being
1:10:11
vulnerable to share who you are what your journey
1:10:14
has been and to inspire so many other people
1:10:17
out there on how they can, yes, embrace the things
1:10:21
that have happened and build such a beautiful
1:10:23
life. Just love that. Thank you. Yeah. As you
1:10:28
leave this conversation, remember that yes, the
1:10:31
past can hurt and you can either run from it
1:10:33
or you can learn from it. So here's to learning
1:10:36
and finding joy in the journey. See you real
1:10:40
soon.