Latest / YOUR AVERAGE DELTON / Episode 16: Part 1: Letting People In Is Never a Mistake
Transcript
- DELTON DEAL: Hey guys, welcome back to Your Average Delton. This is the place where we discuss real life, real loss, and the things that we carry that most people never see. No filters, no pretending, just truth. Now, today's episode is a three-part episode. And what I want to talk about today is carrying on about truth. So I'm glad you're here. Today I want to talk about something that almost everyone has experienced, but very few people talk about it honestly. It's what happens after you've been let down. After someone you trusted breaks that trust. After someone you love walked away. After someone who promised they would stay doesn't. And somewhere in the middle of all that pain, a thought begins to settle in our minds. I should have known better. I should have never let them get that close. I'll never make that mistake again. If you've ever thought those words, this episode is for you because I believe there's something we've been taught that isn't true. We've been taught that if someone hurts us, then trusting them was the mistake. I don't believe that anymore. I believe letting people in is never the mistake. Now, who we let in may turn out to be the wrong person, but having a heart that's willing to trust is never something to apologize for. Think about this for a minute. Every meaningful relationship you've ever had started with the risk: friendship, marriage, family, business, partnership, mentors. Even the people who eventually become your closest friends, at one point, they were strangers. Every relationship begins with uncertainty. No one receives a guarantee. There's no contract that says this person will never disappoint you. There isn't a promise that says you'll never cry because of this relationship. Love has never come with that kind of warranty. You know. Because love has always required courage, the difficult part is our brains don't always remember that. Pain changes the way you see the world. When we're hurt, we stop looking at one person. We start judging everyone through the same lens. The actions of one person betrayed on everyone else. One betrayal suddenly becomes Nobody can be trusted. One broken relationship becomes relationships don't last. I'm better off alone. It's amazing how quickly our minds try to build walls? Not because we're cold, not because we're bitter, But because we're trying to survive, our hearts become security systems. Every person gets compared to someone who hurt you or hurt us years ago. Every conversation is analyzed, every text message gets questioned, every act of kindness feels suspicious. Not because we've stopped wanting connection, but because we're terrified of experiencing that same pain. The problem is those walls don't just keep pain out. They keep loved out too. That's the part that we rarely talk about. The walls we build to protect ourselves don't know the difference between danger and opportunity. They block both. They don't just stop heartbreak. They stop heart healing. They stop friendship. They stop belonging. They stop the people who would have shown us that not everyone leaves. I've met people who have been carrying the weight of One person's choices for decades, one betrayal over a long period of time. Later they're still paying interest on someone else's decision. Now that's what's heartbreaking. Because the people who hurt them moved on, but the pain stayed, not because they remembered what happened. But because they decided never to trust again. Sometimes the greatest loss isn't the relationship that ended. Sometimes the greatest loss is becoming someone who no longer believes good people exist. So, can I tell you something? Good people do exist. Imperfect people, broken people, people who make mistakes, people who apologize, people who stay, people who choose honesty, people who will love you well. They're out there. But you'll never meet them if you decide everyone deserves punishment for someone else's actions, for someone else's sins. Here's something I've learned: the goal isn't to become someone who never gets hurt. That's kind of an impossible task. Every person listening today has been disappointed by someone. And if you live long enough, unfortunately it will happen again. That isn't pessimism. That's life. The goal isn't avoiding pain. The goal is refusing to let pain become your identity. See, here's the difference. Pain is something you experience, it isn't who you are. So I've learned that wisdom doesn't mean closing your heart. wisdom means opening it with discernment. There's a difference between being guarded and being wise. Being guarded says nobody gets in. Wisdom says people earn deeper access over time. That's healthy, that's growth, that's not fear, it's maturity. You don't have to give everyone unlimited access of your life. But you also don't have to lock every door because one person abused the privilege of walking through it. Maybe today you're listening because someone disappointed you recently. Okay, maybe it wasn't a spouse, a parent, a child, a friend, a coworker. Maybe it happened years ago. Maybe it happened last week. Either way, here's the issue. I hope you hear this. their decision says everything about where they were in your life. It doesn't determine who you should become because of it. Don't allow someone else's lack of character to rewrite yours. Because the world still needs people who believe in kindness, who believe in grace, who believe in second chances, who believe that trust, while risky, is still worth giving to the right people. Now, when we come back to the second part, I want to talk about why we confuse the outcome of a relationship with the value of the decision we made to enter it and why those two are very different. So, guys, that's it. This was the first part of a three-part series. And what I want to do is make it short, but I want to kind of build up on it. So the next episode will go into part two, and it's really gonna get in a little deeper about how we can control what we can control, but not let it affect us long time. Hey guys, that's all I have for today. Please hit the subscribe button and remember your life is the only sermon some people will ever hear. So make it loud. I'm your average Dolan. Out.