Latest / Alive, I Guess Podcast / Episode 15 - Impostor Syndrome Be Happenin

Transcript

Episode 15 - Impostor Syndrome Be Happenin · Alive, I Guess Podcast

0:00
unknown: I'm live like I'm gonna live like it again.
0:03
SPEAKER_00: I'ma live like it's a good one.
0:06
unknown: I'm gonna live like it.
0:08
SPEAKER_00: I'ma live like it's so we might as well talk about it.
0:15
SPEAKER_00: Might as well talk about it.
0:16
SPEAKER_00: What's up, yo?
0:18
SPEAKER_00: Welcome to your safe space.
0:19
SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, RJ, and this is the Alive I Guess Podcast.
0:23
SPEAKER_00: If you're new here, welcome.
0:25
SPEAKER_00: I appreciate you for joining.
0:27
SPEAKER_00: And if you've been here, welcome back.
0:30
SPEAKER_00: I appreciate you as always.
0:32
SPEAKER_00: Be sure to follow us on social media at Alive I Guess Podcast.
0:36
SPEAKER_00: For all inquiries, email alive I guess podcast at gmail.com.
0:42
SPEAKER_00: And for I say this with love submissions, visit tinyurl.com slash AIGP advice.
0:49
SPEAKER_00: Also be sure to follow us on Patreon.
0:51
SPEAKER_00: Join the homies for just seven dollars a month to get that exclusive bonus content.
0:57
SPEAKER_00: Today we are going to be discussing imposter syndrome.
1:01
SPEAKER_00: This is something that has been coming up honestly throughout this entire journey.
1:06
SPEAKER_00: It's come up multiple times in my life, but has been somewhat present these days, especially as I enter into this new space of podcasting and social media and you know putting myself out there.
1:18
SPEAKER_00: I know I'm not the only one going through it, and in this season, it feels like everyone is showing their creativity.
1:25
SPEAKER_00: I'm sure there's a lot of imposter syndrome going around.
1:28
SPEAKER_00: But first, we gotta do a moment of gratitude.
1:31
SPEAKER_00: So if you're listening today, say something out loud that you're grateful for.
1:34
SPEAKER_00: And if you're watching, drop something below in the comments.
1:37
SPEAKER_00: Today I'm grateful for choosing myself, even when it's uncomfortable, even when it's difficult, even when it feels different and weird and like you don't know what you're doing, still showing up and choosing myself and prioritizing myself and my well-being has saved me a lot of headache, heartache, stress, especially recently, and I'm grateful that I learned to do so because I had to learn.
2:06
SPEAKER_00: Alright, let's get into it.
2:08
SPEAKER_00: Cause imposture syndrome be happening.
2:10
SPEAKER_00: So I'm not gonna hold y'all.
2:12
SPEAKER_00: I had to look up exactly what imposter syndrome was because I have this idea of what it is, but I wanted to be sure before I got on this mic talking about this to make sure I knew what I was talking about.
2:23
SPEAKER_00: So, imposture syndrome is the persistent inability to believe that one's success is deserved or has been legitimately achieved as a result of one's own efforts or skills.
2:36
SPEAKER_00: That's usually when you are in these situations of accomplishing something, being successful at something, reaching a new level, and making excuses for it because you feel like there's no way I did this on my own.
2:49
SPEAKER_00: Like that's what imposter syndrome is.
2:52
SPEAKER_00: And it's not just self-doubt, like it's the persistent feeling that you don't belong, that you're a fraud, and that you're gonna get found out, but you somehow keep getting lucky that you keep accomplishing these things.
3:07
SPEAKER_00: Like it's such like a mind game that you put yourself in.
3:13
SPEAKER_00: It's the wildest thing.
3:15
SPEAKER_00: It usually kind of shows up actually once you've achieved something, or like when you are about to embark on something large that you tangibly understand you have the skill set and the knowledge to do.
3:29
SPEAKER_00: But when you start putting the pieces together and looking at it, it's like, I don't know if I can do this.
3:36
SPEAKER_00: I don't think I'm cut out for this, I'm not qualified.
3:40
SPEAKER_00: This should be someone else.
3:41
SPEAKER_00: Like it's when you start to tell yourself these things to psych yourself out, is when that imposter syndrome kind of creeps in.
3:48
SPEAKER_00: And it's not like you aren't confident in yourself because you can be confident in certain areas, but when this shows up, it just kind of takes over and controls your thinking about how you will or won't be able to accomplish something.
4:04
SPEAKER_00: So actually, low self-esteem isn't really the factor that causes this because, like I said, you can be confident in other areas.
4:12
SPEAKER_00: It somehow makes you see yourself completely different from usually how the rest of the world sees you.
4:19
SPEAKER_00: Usually the rest of the world or people that you know see you as a successful person, see you as doing these great things, see you as flourishing, and you are sitting there like, I got lucky, I'm not gonna be able to keep doing this because it's a fluke that I'm in this position and I shouldn't be where I am, so I know I can't go any further.
4:40
SPEAKER_00: And unfortunately, the higher an achiever you are, the more it shows up because the more that you accomplish, the more you tend to tell yourself, there's no way I should be accomplishing these things.
4:54
SPEAKER_00: Some places that it tends to show up.
4:56
SPEAKER_00: Work.
4:57
SPEAKER_00: Maybe not when you're actually doing the work and carrying out your job duties on a day-to-day.
5:03
SPEAKER_00: But sometimes when you land that big job and you feel like, how in the world did I get hired for this job?
5:09
SPEAKER_00: They must have did it for whatever reason.
5:13
SPEAKER_00: Maybe they're doing it to feel some sort of diversity thing.
5:16
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
5:17
SPEAKER_00: I've told myself that, but like obviously you're qualified, which is why they hired you.
5:22
SPEAKER_00: Obviously, your references checked out and vouched for you, which is why you got the the job.
5:28
SPEAKER_00: It's not because you got lucky.
5:30
SPEAKER_00: There's tons of people who could do the job, but you're qualified, so they want you.
5:35
SPEAKER_00: But you somehow think you got lucky, and that's why you're there.
5:39
SPEAKER_00: It especially shows up in creative spaces.
5:43
SPEAKER_00: Doing this podcast has brought out a lot of different things with me, good things and internal conflicts, self-belief that I didn't even understand that I had, but it's all information, you know.
6:00
SPEAKER_00: So imposter syndrome has definitely come up for me during this process.
6:06
SPEAKER_00: People have reached out and said, like, wow, you are doing it, you are living the life, you have seen this amount of growth, like you're doing so well.
6:19
SPEAKER_00: And behind the scenes, I'm like, what?
6:24
SPEAKER_00: What I am barely staying afloat, it feels like mentally, it feels like this isn't going anywhere, it feels like I'm not getting reach, or people don't care, and nobody is interested in it.
6:38
SPEAKER_00: However, every week I get the views and downloads and the recognition and things that indicate that people are watching, the show is growing, but yet it still feels like maybe it just got lucky.
6:55
SPEAKER_00: Maybe it came across their screen and someone watched it, but they didn't watch the whole thing, or maybe people downloaded it, but maybe it was like bots.
7:02
SPEAKER_00: Like, you I just tell myself all these things.
7:05
SPEAKER_00: Like saying it out loud sounds kind of crazy now when I think about it, but I know I'm gonna be right back in that cycle as I go through this, as I put out more episodes.
7:15
SPEAKER_00: I'll probably feel this way even when I achieve greater things.
7:18
SPEAKER_00: But creative spaces isn't the only place, that's just the main one that has been showing up for me, especially lately.
7:24
SPEAKER_00: It can even show up in relationships.
7:28
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes when you are first dating a person and things are going so well, you might get this idea of like this isn't gonna last because they're gonna see like the real me and not be attracted to it or not want to deal with it anymore.
7:43
SPEAKER_00: But obviously, this person has seen enough of you to decide they want to move forward with you, but you somehow think there's parts of you that they will see that you don't want.
7:54
SPEAKER_00: It also shows up in new beginnings when you're in this uncharted territory trying to learn how to navigate through this new place or opportunity.
8:05
SPEAKER_00: Naturally, you're gonna feel like, I don't know what I'm doing, I can't be successful, I don't know which way to go or how to even get through this journey.
8:15
SPEAKER_00: I don't even know what the first steps are in this journey, and that is something that you come up against, especially if you have imposter syndrome.
8:24
SPEAKER_00: Because it's natural to be anxious about things or a little bit scared when you're starting off something new, but if you add that layer of that imposter syndrome, you are going to psych yourself out and remove your ability to even think about the things that you actually do possess to help you along the way.
8:46
SPEAKER_00: Let me ask y'all something.
8:48
SPEAKER_00: For anyone out there who's like, I don't think I really deal with this, okay.
8:53
SPEAKER_00: Is there a voice in your head, that little one in the back of your head, that says, I just got lucky whenever something good happens to you?
9:03
SPEAKER_00: Is there a voice in your head that says everybody else knows what they're doing except me when you start out doing a new task, a new job, a new fill-in-the-blank?
9:15
SPEAKER_00: Do you ever feel like if I speak up on a topic, people will know that I don't know what I'm talking about?
9:21
SPEAKER_00: Like that fear, does that ever happen to you?
9:24
SPEAKER_00: Do you ever keep moving the goalpost on your goals and your dreams because you tell yourself I'm not ready?
9:30
SPEAKER_00: So it just keeps getting further and further and further, even though you know deep down on paper you are ready, you do have what it takes.
9:38
SPEAKER_00: Does that sound like you?
9:40
SPEAKER_00: Do you compare yourself to people who have what you want to where you are now?
9:45
SPEAKER_00: Because you see they are at the end goal and you don't have the things that they have in this moment, so of course it's not gonna match up, but you tell yourself you should be the same.
9:54
SPEAKER_00: Does that sound like you?
9:57
SPEAKER_00: Is it clocking to you?
9:58
SPEAKER_00: I think you might have imposter syndrome, and that is okay, because most of us do.
10:03
SPEAKER_00: It's not a negative thing, it doesn't mean anything is wrong with us, but it is something that comes up in this world, in this environment of comparisons and the fear-mongering all around us.
10:16
SPEAKER_00: We are going to adapt some of these things for ourselves.
10:19
SPEAKER_00: We are going to compare ourselves to other people.
10:22
SPEAKER_00: We are going to be afraid to take risks, and we are going to tell ourselves we aren't ready because we don't have the perfect thing lined up.
10:30
SPEAKER_00: That's just kind of the world, the day that we live in, because of all the systems in place to make us feel this way.
10:37
SPEAKER_00: But it's not true.
10:39
SPEAKER_00: We possess more in us than we give ourselves credit for, and sometimes more than we even realize or recognize.
10:47
SPEAKER_00: We, as a people, have more ability and skills that we ever tap into.
10:56
SPEAKER_00: Think about it.
10:57
SPEAKER_00: Think about this simple fact.
10:58
SPEAKER_00: We went to school for all them years, at least 12 years at minimum.
11:05
SPEAKER_00: Some did more, some maybe did less.
11:08
SPEAKER_00: That's okay.
11:09
SPEAKER_00: You have some sort of schooling under your belt.
11:11
SPEAKER_00: How much of that do you use on a daily basis?
11:14
SPEAKER_00: I'm not writing a cursive, I ain't writing no papers, I'm not even adding things manually.
11:20
SPEAKER_00: I'm barely tapping into these things that I know I know, that I know I learned.
11:26
SPEAKER_00: That's just one example of how we have all this knowledge, all these skills that we just put to the side and it's back there collecting dust.
11:35
SPEAKER_00: Probably forgot some of it, but it's kind of like riding a bike.
11:39
SPEAKER_00: Once you get refreshed, it's it'll come back.
11:42
SPEAKER_00: That's just goes to show you we have a lot in us that we do not use.
11:48
SPEAKER_00: And so, of course, it's gonna show up in other ways and other skills that are probably more aligned with things that you do do on a regular basis, and yet you tell yourself you can't do it.
12:01
SPEAKER_00: You're lucky that you got here.
12:05
SPEAKER_00: I'm truly believe luck doesn't exist.
12:10
SPEAKER_00: I believe what energy you put out into the universe, it comes back to you.
12:16
SPEAKER_00: So what you speak happens, and what actions that you show the universe that you want, the universe starts to make that happen for you.
12:24
SPEAKER_00: So if you are putting in the work, if you are learning the skills, if you are living by the message and the means and the way in which you want the universe to give it back to you, it's going to give it to you.
12:38
SPEAKER_00: So if you are developing these skills, if you are sending out this message, relaying this message to the world, let's say, for this podcast, and then turn around to get recognition from people, that isn't luck.
12:55
SPEAKER_00: That isn't that isn't luck.
12:57
SPEAKER_00: It's alignment.
12:59
SPEAKER_00: I told myself it was lucky when I got shouted out from you know, the past people, Deontay, Dimono, my people.
13:09
SPEAKER_00: I was like, that's luck.
13:11
SPEAKER_00: How's it luck?
13:12
SPEAKER_00: That's not luck, it's alignment.
13:16
SPEAKER_00: And you know, I say it confidently now, but I still don't fully believe it.
13:21
SPEAKER_00: Because that imposture back there is like, no, it's luck.
13:23
SPEAKER_00: It's luck.
13:24
SPEAKER_00: You got lucky.
13:26
SPEAKER_00: It messed up, but it's true.
13:28
SPEAKER_00: In the last episode, I talked about my basketball career throughout my life.
13:34
SPEAKER_00: And although no, I didn't win like a state championship or do anything to the extreme, I was a good basketball player.
13:41
SPEAKER_00: I was a great basketball player.
13:43
SPEAKER_00: Stats don't lie.
13:44
SPEAKER_00: You could go Google them.
13:46
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
13:47
SPEAKER_00: But growing up, and honestly, up until recently, when people asked if I was good, I'm like, you know, I'm cool.
13:57
SPEAKER_00: That is not humility.
14:00
SPEAKER_00: So being humble and having this imposter syndrome is completely different.
14:06
SPEAKER_00: That wasn't me being humble.
14:07
SPEAKER_00: I used to think that was me being humble.
14:09
SPEAKER_00: I put in hundreds of thousands of hours of work.
14:15
SPEAKER_00: I've broken bones, I have bled, I have gotten stitches, surgery, gone to camps, was given money, was paid, my education was paid for because of how I can play this game.
14:28
SPEAKER_00: And I still think it's because I was lucky or because I was eh, okay.
14:37
SPEAKER_00: Unbelievable.
14:38
SPEAKER_00: Instead of looking at humility versus imposter syndrome, let's look at what it actually is.
14:43
SPEAKER_00: Because telling people that you aren't good enough or qualified enough, it's actually self-sabotage.
14:49
SPEAKER_00: So let's see the difference between humility and self-sabotage.
14:54
SPEAKER_00: Humility makes you feel like I have more to learn, I have more growing to do.
15:01
SPEAKER_00: Self-sabotage says, I have no business being here.
15:07
SPEAKER_00: Humility gives you room to grow.
15:11
SPEAKER_00: It cultivates a space for you to grow.
15:14
SPEAKER_00: Self-sabotage shrinks you, keeps you small, keeps you safe in your mind, but it really does more damage than it does good.
15:24
SPEAKER_00: Because when you play small, when you pass up on opportunities, when you stay quiet in rooms, even though you know the answer and you know you have more information and you know you're more qualified than the people in those rooms, that's not being humble, that's hurting you.
15:42
SPEAKER_00: That's self-sabotage, that isn't humility.
15:46
SPEAKER_00: Because, truth be told, look at people who are in positions of power, whether that be in companies, in the world, in our government, these people aren't in these places because they're more qualified.
16:01
SPEAKER_00: And it damn sure ain't because they got more humility.
16:04
SPEAKER_00: It's because they just keep moving, they're audacious, and they just whatever, this is me.
16:11
SPEAKER_00: And those are people who really aren't that qualified, who really have no business.
16:16
SPEAKER_00: Look at all the white men in leadership positions.
16:19
SPEAKER_00: Are all of them qualified?
16:21
SPEAKER_00: No, no, or any anyone for that matter, but usually it's it's the white men.
16:28
SPEAKER_00: They aren't more qualified, they just got the nerve to get up there and try and do the things.
16:33
SPEAKER_00: So if they could do it, I literally have adapted this philosophy that I am going to move through life with the confidence of a white man because they are audacious.
16:47
SPEAKER_00: I respect it.
16:48
SPEAKER_00: Now, there are other factors that make them that way, but like, you know what?
16:53
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, um, I'm not embarrassed, I'm not ashamed.
16:56
SPEAKER_00: I'm just gonna put myself out there.
16:58
SPEAKER_00: It's a work in progress.
16:59
SPEAKER_00: I still have these internal battles and imposter syndrome that I come up against, but that's really how I try to live my life now, and it has served me.
17:10
SPEAKER_00: Be audacious, move past that internal battle that you have with yourself that tells you you don't belong.
17:16
SPEAKER_00: Because I don't know.
17:17
SPEAKER_00: I can't speak for them, but I don't think they experience this.
17:21
SPEAKER_00: Honestly, I think they tell themselves they deserve everything that they want, that they ever want.
17:28
SPEAKER_00: Now, I don't personally see it that way for myself.
17:31
SPEAKER_00: I do believe you have to work for it.
17:33
SPEAKER_00: But when that doubt creeps in, I'm just gonna really fake it till I make it, or continue to try to do so because they got it down packed, let me tell you.
17:45
SPEAKER_00: So, what makes imposter syndrome so difficult to shape?
17:51
SPEAKER_00: Cause being told you're good enough, usually don't fix it.
17:54
SPEAKER_00: Being told and affirmed, like, no, you deserve this, and no, you should be here, usually don't make you feel better.
18:02
SPEAKER_00: At least for me, it's usually not a fix, it's usually like a deep understanding and recognition within myself that I have to do before I even get there.
18:14
SPEAKER_00: But just being told, like, no, I need I need something more because I'm not believing you.
18:19
SPEAKER_00: Why is that?
18:20
SPEAKER_00: Well, usually this imposter syndrome, this quiet voice in the back of your head, comes from something like deep-rooted.
18:30
SPEAKER_00: I can identify some of the things that I tell myself in negative spaces, some of the negative beliefs that I have are things that I heard in childhood from different people.
18:42
SPEAKER_00: Some things were instilled in me from then, and then that just became an unconscious belief that I didn't even recognize was there until I'm put in these situations where I have to try and convince myself that I'm good enough, but my core belief is I'm not.
18:58
SPEAKER_00: So external validation ain't gonna do shit.
19:02
SPEAKER_00: Being a black person who's also had experiences as a black woman, a queer person, it often comes from internalized messages that I tell myself of who I'm supposed to be in these rooms, supposed to be in these rooms.
19:21
SPEAKER_00: Things that I feel I have to do to play it safe, keep myself small in order to play it safe, because especially for us black folks, we gotta do twice as much to get half the recognition.
19:37
SPEAKER_00: But you know, we get labeled as aggressive for the same things other people, white people get labeled as passionate.
19:46
SPEAKER_00: You know, we can't talk with a seriousness to our voice without being told we need to calm down.
19:54
SPEAKER_00: But a white dude could cuss you out, call you outside your name, and they'll just be told, like, wow, they're really a, they really want it bad.
20:05
SPEAKER_00: So we have adapted this notion of we gotta shrink ourselves and package ourselves and make it consumable for people so that they can digest it without being worried about who we are.
20:20
SPEAKER_00: But the truth is they're gonna think what they're gonna think anyway, no matter how small you play it.
20:25
SPEAKER_00: And don't let you be the only black one in the room.
20:28
SPEAKER_00: Oh, you really gotta play it small now because now you're dealing with the tokenism, and now you feel like people are only looking at you because you're the only black one, and so that's really gonna feed into it, you know?
20:39
SPEAKER_00: And most of the times in large spaces, we be the only black ones in there.
20:45
SPEAKER_00: If not, it'd be like two, maybe three, if you're lucky, more with you.
20:50
SPEAKER_00: But when you're by yourself, it's like, ooh, uh now you gotta play a whole different game.
20:56
SPEAKER_00: And don't let you be a perfectionist.
20:59
SPEAKER_00: Oh.
21:01
SPEAKER_00: Perfectionism and imposter syndrome go together real bad.
21:07
SPEAKER_00: Because if you need to be perfect in everything you do, anything that isn't perfect is never gonna be good enough.
21:15
SPEAKER_00: Ever.
21:16
SPEAKER_00: And if you aren't perfect, other people are gonna find out you aren't perfect, and that's gonna blow your whole cover.
21:23
SPEAKER_00: So now you really feel like if you don't show up in this way, you're a fraud, which makes you further perpetuate into the imposter syndrome, which then makes you go back and say, I have to be perfect.
21:38
SPEAKER_00: That is a vicious cycle.
21:39
SPEAKER_00: And so the next course of action is avoidance.
21:43
SPEAKER_00: But what do we know about avoidance?
21:46
SPEAKER_00: The more you avoid the thing, the bigger the fear of the thing gets.
21:51
SPEAKER_00: Eventually, it's going to catch up to you.
21:53
SPEAKER_00: Eventually, if you don't look under that bed for the monsters, that fear is gonna keep you up all the night.
22:01
SPEAKER_00: If you don't look in that bank account to see how hard you went over the weekend, by Monday, you're gonna be like, oh shit, what did I do?
22:10
SPEAKER_00: So avoidance is just gonna make it a big problem.
22:15
SPEAKER_00: Some things that I've done for myself personally when I'm trying to move through this imposter syndrome that finds itself coming up more often than not these days is moving through it.
22:28
SPEAKER_00: The only way out of something is through it, especially when it has to do with your emotions and the negative impacts that it has on you.
22:38
SPEAKER_00: You gotta process it, you gotta debunk the narratives that you've been telling yourselves.
22:43
SPEAKER_00: I like to look at the facts a lot.
22:45
SPEAKER_00: I like looking at tangible things because that you can't argue with that.
22:50
SPEAKER_00: The numbers don't lie, the facts don't lie.
22:54
SPEAKER_00: You can have your opinion, you can have your perspective, but the facts are the facts.
23:00
SPEAKER_00: So that's what I start to look at.
23:03
SPEAKER_00: When I am in situations where it's like, there's no way I should be here.
23:10
SPEAKER_00: When I was first getting a job in a space that I had no previous experience in, but I had transferable skills.
23:19
SPEAKER_00: I landed the job and I was like, I got lucky.
23:22
SPEAKER_00: Uh there's no reason I should be here.
23:25
SPEAKER_00: It's like, well, the job description matches up with eight of the ten things with your resume.
23:36
SPEAKER_00: You have a strong sis skill set of learning as you go.
23:41
SPEAKER_00: You've proven you know how to do the job, if not similar.
23:45
SPEAKER_00: If you can learn one system, you can learn a similar system.
23:50
SPEAKER_00: So maybe you do deserve to be here.
23:55
SPEAKER_00: Maybe you do deserve to be in the podcasting space.
24:01
SPEAKER_00: Maybe you do know what you're talking about, and even if you don't have the numbers to reflect it now, they're going up, you're gaining momentum, people are coming back and watching, you aren't losing people.
24:16
SPEAKER_00: So maybe, maybe keep it up.
24:21
SPEAKER_00: Maybe don't shut the podcast down because you feel like you're doing terrible.
24:26
SPEAKER_00: Maybe you keep pushing through that negative emotion.
24:29
SPEAKER_00: You gotta look at the facts when all you have is the negative voices in your head.
24:35
SPEAKER_00: So that is the first thing I'm doing.
24:36
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, okay, what can I ground myself in that I can't dispute or come up with excuses for?
24:43
SPEAKER_00: Because men lie, women lie, numbers don't.
24:46
SPEAKER_00: And because I spend a lot of time doing internal work processing and trying to understand where negative thoughts and beliefs come up when I do have the awareness for it.
24:57
SPEAKER_00: I try and call it out when I feel it, like that's not me.
25:03
SPEAKER_00: That's that's that's that imposter syndrome creeping in.
25:07
SPEAKER_00: And it's like, okay, well, why is that creeping in?
25:10
SPEAKER_00: Then I start to examine where it's coming from, what triggered it, what is it actually trying to say.
25:17
SPEAKER_00: Most of the time I connect it to like fear from my younger self, but that is another topic for another day that we will get into.
25:25
SPEAKER_00: But when it comes up, I name it and I try and move through it as best I can.
25:30
SPEAKER_00: Now I am only human, and I would be lying to you if I said I have no imposter syndrome.
25:36
SPEAKER_00: Like I said, that thing with me damn near every day, especially when I record, when I record these episodes, I promise y'all, I go into these like I don't know what I'm gonna say.
25:52
SPEAKER_00: I don't know, I don't know what I'm talking about.
25:55
SPEAKER_00: And then I shoot, and afterwards, I be like, that was terrible.
26:01
SPEAKER_00: Every episode, and then I edit it, I watch it, I get the response, and I'm like, oh, it's actually not bad.
26:09
SPEAKER_00: See, I can't even say it was good, like because it's the imposter in me, like the imposter syndrome.
26:14
SPEAKER_00: It turns out good, but that's something I go through all the time.
26:20
SPEAKER_00: So something that I do, especially if we're trying to look at how we get unstuck, talk to people you trust, talk to people you know and who know you, and when you share these insecurities or these negative thoughts that you're having with them, they can debunk it because they see the truth in you, they don't have the distorted negative thoughts in their head telling them that you aren't good, you aren't deserving.
26:46
SPEAKER_00: Like they see you for what you're worth, and they can reaffirm you and give you a lot of support and evidence as to why what they're saying is true.
26:55
SPEAKER_00: I have a few friends that I lean on and talk to, especially when I'm getting down, especially when I'm like, damn, like this, this ain't going well.
27:05
SPEAKER_00: This, I don't know if I should keep this up, or even if I don't bring it up, sometimes they'll just be like, Wow, you are really blossoming and growing and doing such great things, and I'll be like, Really?
27:21
SPEAKER_00: Am I?
27:23
SPEAKER_00: And they're like, Yeah, like you're doing XYZ, and they'll name all these things that are in fact happening, but that's not the perspective that I have on it, because all I'm trying to do is get out of the negative that I don't even see the positive, especially with that imposter syndrome, especially if I'm not in the best of spaces, and especially when you're in an area where you are putting yourself on the line, like your artistry, uh you get real sensitive about it, so you get protective of it.
27:58
SPEAKER_00: So anything negative, that's what you focus on because you're trying to keep it safe.
28:02
SPEAKER_00: So it's important to have other people who aren't in it and who know you who can affirm you when you feel like you spiraling out of control with your own thoughts.
28:14
SPEAKER_00: They can also affirm you and just letting you know, like you aren't the only one who has these feelings about themselves.
28:20
SPEAKER_00: Other people experience it too, other people go through imposter syndrome too.
28:24
SPEAKER_00: I know plenty of people who are artists in their own right, and they'll say these things about themselves where it's like they aren't doing a good job, that's what they believe, and I truly can't believe it because I'm like, What?
28:39
SPEAKER_00: You're the shit.
28:41
SPEAKER_00: Like, you do XYZ, you have this amount of growth, and people recognize you and want to work with you.
28:50
SPEAKER_00: But if someone turns around and says it to me, I'm like, oh no, no, no, no, that's not the case.
28:54
SPEAKER_00: That's not the case.
28:55
SPEAKER_00: So I know how to give it, but it's hard for me to hear it, and that's the case for other people.
29:00
SPEAKER_00: So you need other people around you to help you when you can't see it in yourself, and you know, sometimes we're gonna embark on these challenges or these things, these opportunities, these journeys, projects, whatever.
29:15
SPEAKER_00: And we're not gonna feel ready.
29:18
SPEAKER_00: Maybe being ready is never gonna be an option.
29:23
SPEAKER_00: Maybe you have to start the thing so that you can learn as you go, and you can't learn those things until you start.
29:29
SPEAKER_00: So start it anyway, even if you aren't ready, even if you don't have all the things that you need and the knowledge and information that you need to get it done.
29:38
SPEAKER_00: I had no clue how to start a podcast, how to market, do social media, none of this shit when I started.
29:49
SPEAKER_00: And I couldn't put out an episode until I learned, and I couldn't be ready in my head until I learned, but you see how that doesn't work.
30:00
SPEAKER_00: So I'm like, I just have to start and figure it out as I move along, and that's what happened.
30:08
SPEAKER_00: As I'm moving, I'm taking a step forward, and I'm uncovering 10 other things that I need to learn, and I'm like, oh shit, okay.
30:16
SPEAKER_00: So let me learn about this, but then you are also figuring out other ways to move through it, but you don't get that back at the start line because you just see the end goal and where you are, but you'll see all that it comes with.
30:28
SPEAKER_00: So bite the bullet, start it anyway.
30:32
SPEAKER_00: Do it scared.
30:33
SPEAKER_00: That's courageous.
30:34
SPEAKER_00: Don't listen to that voice in the back of your head telling you you can't.
30:37
SPEAKER_00: You can.
30:38
SPEAKER_00: You have a lot of proof to show that you can do hard things, and this is just another hard thing that you can do.
30:45
SPEAKER_00: And learning to maneuver through imposter syndrome, the goal is not to ever be doubtful again, because doubt can be a good indicator of things when you're using discernment.
31:00
SPEAKER_00: But when you're moving down this path, you're gonna run into some doubt.
31:06
SPEAKER_00: The goal is not to not be in doubt or never run into doubt ever again.
31:12
SPEAKER_00: The goal is to stop letting the doubt make the decisions for you and to use your own discernment, understand the skills that you do have, and choose for yourself.
31:26
SPEAKER_00: Don't let the imposter syndrome dictate what you can and can't do.
31:32
SPEAKER_00: Because you can do anything, you deserve to be in every room that you're in.
31:36
SPEAKER_00: It's not luck, it's not because someone else couldn't do it and they needed a shoe-in.
31:43
SPEAKER_00: It's because you deserve it, which is why you have it.
31:46
SPEAKER_00: So stop doubting yourself, stop playing yourself, and go for it.
31:51
SPEAKER_00: If you did the work to get there and continue to do the work to keep it, then you deserve to be there.
31:57
SPEAKER_00: It wasn't because you got lucky.
31:59
SPEAKER_00: Alright, y'all.
32:00
SPEAKER_00: It's time to transition over to I Say This With Love.
32:04
SPEAKER_00: And as a reminder, if you are interested in having your submission read here, you would visit the tiny URL link, submit your information there for a chance to have it read during one of these episodes.
32:16
SPEAKER_00: Hey, so I've been listening for a while and I never thought I'd actually send something in, but here I am.
32:23
SPEAKER_00: I've been okay for so long that I genuinely don't know what I actually feel anymore.
32:31
SPEAKER_00: Like I'm not falling apart, I'm functioning, and I'm showing up, but there's this emptiness underneath all of it that I can't shake.
32:42
SPEAKER_00: Is that just life?
32:44
SPEAKER_00: Or is something actually wrong with me?
32:48
SPEAKER_00: I say this with love.
32:49
SPEAKER_00: I don't know how old you are.
32:52
SPEAKER_00: I know when I was in my early 20s, shit, late 20s, early 30s, even.
33:00
SPEAKER_00: I went through this same belief, but especially in my 20s, like I don't know what I'm doing.
33:07
SPEAKER_00: There are a lot of external factors going on, especially right now in the world, and we live in a time where everybody posts their highlights and the good moments online.
33:18
SPEAKER_00: They never show you the bad, they just make it seem like everything's going well.
33:22
SPEAKER_00: So you're in this comparison trap.
33:25
SPEAKER_00: You're also young, I'm assuming.
33:33
SPEAKER_00: That you don't have all the answers to understand like what it is you actually want to do.
33:39
SPEAKER_00: Maybe you're being called for something deeper, but where you currently are isn't aligned with that.
33:46
SPEAKER_00: I don't know which of those points resonate with you.
33:51
SPEAKER_00: I have also felt this way a lot, and I know in the moments where I felt like this is just life, usually something showed me soon thereafter that it's just a moment.
34:09
SPEAKER_00: Life is just cyclical.
34:11
SPEAKER_00: There's a bunch of cycles that we're going to go through, and there are going to be different lessons that we are supposed to learn before we can move out of a cycle.
34:22
SPEAKER_00: And I think one thing that I have learned is this isn't life.
34:28
SPEAKER_00: Life is about learning and growing.
34:33
SPEAKER_00: And as you move through life, you're going to always learn and grow.
34:36
SPEAKER_00: You're always going to hit points where you hit this stagnant point.
34:42
SPEAKER_00: You feel like you've outgrown it, or maybe you've hit a wall and don't know where to turn.
34:47
SPEAKER_00: That's going to show up in different ways.
34:50
SPEAKER_00: Whether you are a parent or start a new career, you move, enter a new relationship.
34:58
SPEAKER_00: It's gonna show up in different ways.
35:01
SPEAKER_00: So I would say this isn't life, this is just something that is inside of you that is telling you you want more, it's time for more, and it's time to get aligned with your center, your core, what you really, really want, and move in alignment with that because this is such an expansive life.
35:26
SPEAKER_00: There's so many different things we can do today that we couldn't do in earlier generations with technology and just opportunities, and you can do anything that you want.
35:38
SPEAKER_00: Do you know what you want?
35:40
SPEAKER_00: And I think once you're able to answer that question, you can move forward in the ways that get you closer to that.
35:49
SPEAKER_00: But until you know what you want, you don't really know where to go, how to move forward.
35:57
SPEAKER_00: Think about it with like watching something on TV or eating something.
36:02
SPEAKER_00: If you spend all this time, like, I don't know what I want, what do I want?
36:07
SPEAKER_00: Like, you spend more time trying to figure out versus once you know, you just move forward with watching it or going to eat it.
36:14
SPEAKER_00: So it feels like that part still needs to be sorted out.
36:19
SPEAKER_00: And once you sort that out, you're gonna get some answers.
36:24
SPEAKER_00: Now, when that will happen, I don't know.
36:28
SPEAKER_00: It is your journey in your life, and it comes when it comes for you.
36:32
SPEAKER_00: Divine timing, but it's not life.
36:36
SPEAKER_00: You'll you'll move through this.
36:38
SPEAKER_00: It doesn't feel like it now, but take it from me.
36:41
SPEAKER_00: You will get through it.
36:42
SPEAKER_00: Just hang in there.
36:43
SPEAKER_00: All right, y'all.
36:45
SPEAKER_00: That is all for today's episode.
36:47
SPEAKER_00: As a reminder, be sure to follow us on social media.
36:51
SPEAKER_00: Hit the email if you have any inquiries and visit the tiny URL link for I Say This With Love submissions.
36:57
SPEAKER_00: Be sure to comment, like, subscribe, and share this with people who you think need it the most.
37:03
SPEAKER_00: And don't forget to follow us on the Patreon.
37:06
SPEAKER_00: Just$7 a month, baby.
37:08
SPEAKER_00: You already know.
37:08
SPEAKER_00: But I thank you for joining me today, and I hope you were able to get something valuable from this topic today, because I needed this for myself.
37:17
SPEAKER_00: It served as a great reminder, and I'll probably revisit this a few times as this imposter syndrome just keeps coming up.
37:25
SPEAKER_00: But we're gonna get through it.
37:26
SPEAKER_00: And as always, I'm RJ.
37:29
SPEAKER_00: This is the Alive I Guess podcast, and I'll see y'all same time next week.