Latest / Topeka Bible Church Audio Archive / September 13, 2016 | Expresso - Trish Walters

Transcript

September 13, 2016 | Expresso - Trish Walters · Topeka Bible Church Audio Archive

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Well, as Connie said, yes, I am nervous.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: But tonight isn't really about me.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: It's about the glory that God has given me in my life.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm just here to talk about that.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: Hopefully I won't need these, but I may.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: So, like she said, I was born and raised in Topeka, Kansas, was adopted when I was about six weeks old into the best family I could have ever hoped for.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: I have an older brother, a younger sister who was also adopted.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: I grew up going to church in Sunday school through high school.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: I always believed in God, but I don't think I ever really understood what it meant to give my life to Christ.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: My childhood seemed idyllic to me.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: I often referred to my family as the Cleavers, as in Leave It to Beaver.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: I was involved in dance class, piano, girl scouts, drill team, voice lessons, and sports.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: I always had my knees met and then some, so looking to God for fulfillment really didn't even occur to me as a young girl.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: My dad was my hero.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: As I got older, high school age, I was active and involved in many activities, but it's also when I started drinking just socially, but it truly was the beginning of a very long spiral downward.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: After high school, I enrolled at Kansas State University.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: Go cats.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: I was supposed to be rooming with my best friend from high school, but two weeks before school started, her boyfriend at the time got into a serious car wreck and was in a coma, and she decided not to go to school.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: So I had to take pot luck on a roommate.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: That turned out to be fine, but I struggled a lot with the independence and freedom, continued to drink, and started to occasionally smoke pot.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: I also stopped going to class because you know they tell you you don't have to come to class to show up for the test, and I believed them.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: That's a lie.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: So after about a semester and a half, I flunked out.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: At that time I had to return home with my tail between my legs, feeling pretty much like a huge failure, move back home, which was a blessing, but at that time I didn't see it that way.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: I took a semester off, got a job, and continued to party.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: The next semester I enrolled at Washburn but found little success and continued to party.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: I did not return to school the following semester.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: I did continue to work and of course party.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: That pattern continued for about four years.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: By now I had started using some harder drugs than just alcohol and pot, but I was always working.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: At some point I became ready again to try school and enrolled at Washburn for the second time.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: This time, for whatever reason, I was ready to put in the work and the time needed to succeed and did earn my Bachelor's of Social Work at Washburn, all the while still using and quite heavily at times.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: I would get a job and keep it for a couple of years, but my drug use would usually find a way to get me fired for calling in sick too often.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: And that pattern would go on for the rest of my addicted life.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: I should probably tell you what that was like.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: I've never been married or had children, not because I chose this, but because I didn't really allow any space for positive human relationships.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: From the time I was 18 until I was 48, I was giving the best years of my life to drugs.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: It was like the drugs were my spouse.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: I did anything and everything for them.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: I replaced my family with a drug family.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: My friends were dealers and other drug users.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: Not a great environment.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: I would also isolate a lot.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: The drugs were my companions, and I was fooling myself thinking that I was okay.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: Obviously, I wasn't.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: I probably should have died from the amount of substances I was using.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: I guess I probably am somewhat of a miracle considering the length of time that I was using.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: God was looking out for me even then.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: He didn't leave me, even though I had certainly left him.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: During this time I wasn't attending any church, but still considered myself a believer, just not an active one.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: Also, during this time, I encountered many dysfunctional relationships, some abusive, some just plain not good for me.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: But as long as the drugs were there, I would settle for less than I deserved.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: My family, throughout all this, I think, knew of my drug use, but not how heavy or severe it was.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't think they really knew what to do.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: I like to call myself a functioning addict because I always maintained employment, my own apartment, paid all my bills.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: Occasionally I would ask for help financially, for gas money or groceries, and sometimes it was for that.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: And it was always willfully given and most of the time spent on drugs.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: It made me feel terrible inside.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: But I literally couldn't help myself.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: It was the addiction.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: It's a strong force that grabs hold and doesn't easily let go.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: I really thought I was maintaining, but I knew I could never quit on my own and really had no desire to do so.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: Gratefully, God had other plans and ideas.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: One night I was leaving a friend's house about 3 a.m.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: in the morning and got pulled over for speeding.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: I was arrested for possession of methamphenopene and spent ten days in Jackson County jail.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: I had finally reached my bottom.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: While in jail, I was first of all detoxing.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: Secondly, worried about what my parents were going to think, and thirdly, about my current job.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: My anxiety was so high I felt sick the whole time.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: In retrospect, it was really just the detoxing that was making me physically sick.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: All I really wanted was some peptobismol.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: They offered me aspirin.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: Not gonna help.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: While I was there in jail, I had started reading the Bible.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: There was, of course, one readily available.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: And oddly enough, my roommate had quite a bit of knowledge of the Bible.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: My roommate in jail had quite a bit of Bible knowledge and recommended some passages that she thought might help me because she knew I was really struggling.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: And one that I really liked and stuck out to me was 1 Peter 5.10, which says, Now the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Jesus Christ, will personally restore, establish, strengthen, and support you after you had suffered after after you have suffered a little.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I was certainly suffering a little, and that really uh gave me some support.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: It really that one really stood out to me.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: He was absolutely strengthening, supporting, and restoring me.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: He was so faithful.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: The encouragement meant so much to me.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: God was working for me.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: I continued to read and started to feel a little better, but was still full of anxiety and worry about the future.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: One night I couldn't stand it anymore.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I think this was probably about maybe day four or five that I'd been in jail.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: And I just said, I'm giving it to you, God.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: I can't take it anymore.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: I'm too weak to handle this.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: I believe in you and your power to take my life into your hands.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: I'm giving it all over to you.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: Something amazing happened to me that night.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: Right after praying that to God, an immediate peace and calm came over me.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: My stomach ache anxiety literally disappeared that moment.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: To say things were easy from there would not be true.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: But I knew that my fight against addiction was not being fought alone anymore.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: With God on my side, I knew I could beat it, and I have.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: Some people make a big deal of their anniversary date, and it is an important date to me.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: But I don't really have a celebration or anything like that.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: I just feel so best blessed to be clean every day that the actual date it started is just that, my first day of sobriety.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: After getting out of jail, I knew I could not return to my old environment, and this is huge.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: I think the biggest part of recovery for me, and personally, I think for anyone is uh changing your environment.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: I was blessed with being able to move home with my brother and sister-in-law who had been taking care of my mom and dad in their home.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: The day after I was arrested, I was supposed to be helping my mom and dad move into an assisted living facility.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: I wasn't there, obviously.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: I was in jail.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: I felt so brokenhearted that I couldn't be there for them.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: I knew I had let them down, but they were always so supportive of me.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: Their support and being able to leave the environment that I was in, I believe, was a big motivator for me to seriously start fresh.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: May not seem like a big deal, like I said, but it I believe it to be one of the biggest factors in helping me to be successful in my recovery.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: Removing yourself from the negative environment is the key.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: So my parents got moved and I started seeing them every day at their new place.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: The relationship I developed with them during that time is unspeakable as to how important it is to me.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: It felt so good to finally be able to be there for them as they had been there for me all of my life.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: One of the first things I knew I wanted to do was to find a church to start going to once I got out of jail.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: My sister-in-law was also looking for a new church at the same time, so we started hunting together.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: The second week that I'd been out of jail, we came to TBC.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: It was Discovery Week that week, which I thought was so appropriate.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: I needed connections and God was putting them out there for me in abundance.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: I liked what I saw and continued coming to church and started attending the singles group on Tuesday evenings.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I was coming to church service too.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: I hadn't found a Sunday school class yet.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: I hadn't quite ventured out that far yet, but knew that that was on my list of things to do too.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: One time attending a church function here, I was by myself, and a friendly woman asked if I wanted to sit by her.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: It was the beginning of a great relationship.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: I started attending her Sunday school class, and the friendships that I have developed from that class are indescribable.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: It's the women's class, and I can't tell you how they took me in, made me feel welcome, accepted me, and just showed me how true fellowship looks.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: And they continue to do it for me today, and I'm so, so grateful for that.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: I also attended the Backstage Pass class.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't know that sounded like that then when I wrote it.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: That led me, that led me to other connections in the church that have also been really meaningful to me and lasting.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: So I kept my old job for about a month after I got out of jail until they found out about my conviction, and then I was fired.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: That was really hard for me, but I knew it was coming.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: During that time, God was working here for me too.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: I wasn't having any luck on the job hunt.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: And during that time, I was really down just thinking who's going to want to hire me because of my past.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_00: And not everybody in the community is as great as the community that you have in the church is being accepting.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: So I was thinking I just might volunteer somewhere, and I I love animals, so I thought I'd try volunteering at Petland.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I was looking online and there was no information about volunteering, but there was an application, so I figured, what the heck, I'll fill it out.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it's just another one on the list.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: Um I got a call the next day for an interview, and at the interview I mentioned that I was attending TBC.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: The owner of Petland, who was doing the interview, is a longtime TBC member.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: God working.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_00: I got the job and I'm still there today.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: My life now is so complete, fulfilled, and happy.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_00: Those words just don't do it justice.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_00: How great I feel today compared to where I was.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: God's glory is evident within me.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: He is truly my deliverer, and I couldn't be happier.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: My past does not define me.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: It is a part of me, but what and where I am today and in the future is a reflection of God, and I plan to keep him in my heart today and forever.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_00: A good friend said to me, When we look at ourselves, we see what we have done, but when God looks at us, he sees what he has done.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: That really gave me a perspective that I hadn't thought of and helps me remember that I'm wonderfully and beautifully made by him and need to work on seeing myself as he sees me.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: I believe he is my savior and feel blessed every day that he was there for me to turn to when I was in the basement of the lowest pit that I had to go to to finally turn to him.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_00: Another verse I'd like to share that's pretty meaningful to me is Psalms 116, 1 and 2.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_00: It says, I love the Lord because he has heard my appeal for mercy, because he has turned his ear to me.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_00: I will call out to him as long as I live.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_00: I'm now living my life for God, and I will sing his praises forever.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_00: I guess if there's a message I'd want to convey tonight, it would be to never stop thinking that your life could be different.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_00: And the power of positive supports is life-sustaining.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_00: Turning it over to God may not seem easy, but the rewards are numerous and beyond words.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_00: Fantastical.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.