Latest / Alive, I Guess Podcast / Episode 41 - Anxiety Be Happenin

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Episode 41 - Anxiety Be Happenin · Alive, I Guess Podcast

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: I'm live like it.
• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: I'ma live like it.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: I'ma live like it.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: I'ma live like it.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: I'ma live like it.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: What's good, y'all?
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to your safe space.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, RJ, and this is the Alive I Guess Podcast.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: If you're new here, welcome.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: I appreciate you for joining.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: And if you've been here, welcome back.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: I appreciate you as always.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: Make sure y'all are following us on social media at AliveI Guess Podcast.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: For all inquiries, email us at alive I guesspodcast at gmail.com.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: And for I say this with love submissions, visit tinyurl.com slash AIGP advice.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: Today we are going to be discussing anxiety.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: Growing up in my house and in my family, anxiety didn't exist.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: Not to say it wasn't happening, it wasn't a thing, but we didn't acknowledge it.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: We didn't talk about it.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: It was not in the room with us if anyone was concerned.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: But it's something that I have dealt with all my life.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: I know my family members deal with it, and it became even more aggressive in my adulthood.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I know a lot of people, I don't know anybody who doesn't have anxiety.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: So it's definitely one of those topics that are important to discuss.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: But before we do that, you already know we gotta do a moment of gratitude.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're listening today, say something out loud that you are grateful for.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're watching, drop something below in the comments.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: Today, I am grateful for a warm, big, nice bath.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: One thing about RJ, if it's a tub that can accommodate my stature, I'm getting in it.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: I don't care if I'm away, I don't care if I'm at home, I don't care if I'm visiting, if it's the tub that's calling me, I'm gonna see what it's talking about.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: I love, I love the bath.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: Getting in the tub, resting my bones.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's like one of my favorite pastimes, and I will do it forever until I'm unable to get up and down from the tub.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: And even then, I still might figure out a way to make it happen.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: Cause I love taking baths, especially warm, searing, scorching baths.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: And not to mention, it also helps with my anxiety.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: And on that note, let's get into it.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: Cause anxiety be happening.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: At some time this year, I had a revelation, and that revelation was I have been anxious my entire life.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: When I was little, like four, literally through shit, all of my childhood.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: I used to think I was just shy.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: I used to think I didn't want to talk to people.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: I used to think that it was all these other factors when it was really anxiety.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: I was so anxious all the time.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: I also did the thing where you bounce your leg up and down your knee.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: My dad also does that.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: So I always thought I got it from him, which could still possibly be true.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: But that was anxiety, baby.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: I was shaking tables.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: I was that knee was gonna bounce.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I didn't really correlate it to being an anxious tick because, like I mentioned before we jumped in, anxiety wasn't something that we discussed.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't anything that I thought I had or anyone in my family had.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: I just thought, you know, we were shy and people was kind of like short-tempered or nervous or didn't like being around people or going out.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I didn't put it into the anxious bucket because I didn't think, if I'm being honest, that black people could get anxious or have anxiety.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: And for the most part, that was the case.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I didn't know my friends, my family, other people who were in my community who talked about having anxiety, like that wasn't something we discussed.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: But now that's completely different.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: But growing up, like that just wasn't it wasn't a thing.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: It really wasn't until like I started getting sober, or not even like, well, yeah, I guess getting sober, the first couple attempts of getting sober.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm in therapy and I'm in these group classes with which are attached to my therapy at the time, where I'm starting to learn about anxiety and how it manifests in your body and how it manifests in your thoughts, and therefore manifesting your actions or lack thereof.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: And it start clocking that like this.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: Sounds like a lot of what I go through and what I feel and what I deal with.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: And this was I'm 26, 25, 26 at the time, like when I'm first being introduced to these things.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: I start to then put the pieces together of how anxiety has always been there, but I've always had some form of an outlet with basketball, mainly, or with drinking.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: But as I've come to learn, drinking just kind of exacerbates anxiety.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: You're anxious, so you drink to cope with the anxiety or the nervous, anxious feelings that you're having.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: But alcohol is a stimulant, therefore it makes you more anxious, therefore, it makes you want to drink more.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: So you're just on this vicious wheel until you just lose all your senses and you ain't anxious or nothing.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: You're just hammered.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: So that's how I was coping before that.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: But then you take away basketball, you take away drinking, and you're left feeling all these emotions and not really knowing what to do with it, and it's triggering you because you don't know what it is, you don't know how to make yourself feel better, and it kind of like starts the thought loop of like something's wrong, something bad's gonna happen, you know, the spiraling.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: When I first recognized that my anxiety was high, this was at the peak of like the knee bouncing, the nail biting.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: I used to bite my shit to nubs.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: I still occasionally bite them, I'm working on it, but like I was always anxious.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: There were a couple things that I started to do.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's when I stopped like going outside so much.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: Um, this is also at the time where my panic attacks start really kicking up.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: Well, that came a couple years later, but like it kind of segued into the panic attacks, which I do not wish that on anybody.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: So, like 2019 to 2022 is when I'm starting to learn about anxiety.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, 2020 is when I get sober, so I don't have the drinking to help with the anxiety.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: I start trying different medications to help with anxiety.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: But one thing about me, I've never been a person who wants to take medications, not to say I don't believe that they work.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: I just personally don't have patience or didn't have patience to see it through.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: Because of my alcoholism, I can't just take like Xanax, I can't just take like a controlled stuff substance, nor do I want to take that to help me with that.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: Because that just turns your anxiety into another problem, which we're not trying to do.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: So the medication that I'm trying takes a while, takes at least a month to kick in.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not seeing effects, I'm having very high anxiety, it's not working.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: I'm giving it up because I'm like, it's not working, so I never see the effects of the medication.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: But I've tried a lot of different things.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: I've tried gabapentin, I've tried Zoloft, I've tried hydroxizine, I've tried Busbar, I've tried a lot.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: I've tried things for sleep to help me with it, I've tried things for my panic attacks, I've tried a lot.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I think in a world where I am not so equipped with so many tools, and if I'm in a more extreme state, medication could work for me today.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: However, I've implemented things and I've added more tools to my practice, to my wellness kit to help me with my anxiety to where I don't take medication today, but I will happily jump on some.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: So let me just make sure that is clear.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: Like I believe in medication.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm going through anxiety, I'm starting to understand what it is, and then 2022 hits.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: And as I mentioned, this is when the grief really kicks in.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: This is when my depression is really high.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: There's a lot of life changes, there's a lot going on, and on top of it, the place that I'm living at the time is active, it's it's a lot happening, like we have to move.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, actually, this is before 2022.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: This actually started 2021, maybe.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, probably 2021, where it actually started to get a lot.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_00: Um at the time, I'm living in Oakland, and Oakland, specifically where I'm living, is a lot going on.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I'm not necessarily comfortable going outside just because the things that I'm seeing and I'm hearing and I'm experiencing, it's like a really high state of anxiety all the time.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: I'm paranoid all the time, like, and I'm feeling this way within reason, which is what's kind of like making the anxiety worse.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: Cause it's like I'm not overreacting, like shit is crazy.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: Like, someone got killed, like across the street from my house, and a whole lot of other things have happened.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_00: So ultimately, that develops into my panic disorder, and that gets out of hand, that gets so bad.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_00: At one point, I was having 15 panic attacks a day, and I don't mean like anxiety attacks, I mean like panic attacks.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: It was a very, very, very rough.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: How long did that last?
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: Three years, three plus years.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I tried everything.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: You couple that with the anxiety, you couple that with the depression, on top of life factors, on top of having these panic attacks, on top of medication not working, on top of not having the energy to go do things, you're in therapy, and it's helping some things, but it's not helping these panic attacks, which are making me feel like I'm going to die.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going to have a heart attack or a stroke or something is about to happen.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: I get so like low.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: And this is when my birthday of 2024, when I turned 30, like that's when I hit that big depression.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, yo, something has to give because this is like too much.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like on my last legs trying to figure out I have to find a way to resolve at least the panic attacks, the anxiety and stuff.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: We can we can figure out because I'm already dealing with hundreds of panic attacks a month.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_00: Like, if I can handle that, like I can handle anxiety, but I gotta figure this shit out because I can't live my life this way.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm terrified to do shit.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: It was a point I couldn't go to the store without having one or drive or just chill.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I it was it was a lot.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I became very desperate to find a solution, and it was my wife's therapist who suggested to her ketamine therapy, who then suggested to me, and I'm like, look, I'm willing to try it because like this is literally like my last hope.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, if I can't fix this, like there's no point of even trying anymore.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: Like, and thank God, thank God I tried it, it was like the key to fixing these panic attacks, my anxiety, my depression, a lot of shit.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: Actually, like, if you are not familiar with ketamine therapy, I highly suggest you look into it.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_00: Cause I did three sessions, panic attacks stopped for a long time, and it's not like a one and done, like there will be maintenance along the way, and I actually need to get back into some maintenance here soon.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but everything kind of subsided, like it was like the key, and so now I have that in my toolbox and going to the gym and other self-care practices that I use.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: But before that, life was looking rough, and life was looking like it wasn't gonna be that much of a quality of life because I was afraid to live, I was afraid to go out, I was afraid to do anything.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_00: I bring up the panic attacks because yes, panic attacks and anxiety are two separate things, but the ways in which they felt in my body and sometimes do feel in my body are very similar.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: Some of the biggest similarities are just like this looming feeling of doom, like something bad is going to happen, something bad is happening, like there is something on the horizon that I can't see, but I know it's coming and I know it's going to be big.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_00: Like I always felt like that.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_00: The next big thing was the dissociation.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_00: The dissociation was so extreme and sometimes gets so extreme that it feels like I'm watching life instead of like in life and participating, like it feels like life is like a movie instead of being grounded and feeling in my body, and that made me like that was probably out of everything.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_00: Like, don't get me wrong, the attack itself was rough, but after the attack, like coming back to like my baseline took so long, and it was so weird feeling that for such an extended amount of time.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_00: Like, oh my god, I I hated that.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_00: I hate when it happens, so I'm very intentional with trying to ground or at least do things that can help me get ahead of being anxious because I know what it could turn into because of my past experiences.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_00: The main thing that I feel triggers my anxiety these days, the biggest thing has to be stress.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: Stress, lack of sleep, but that kind of is coupled into stress, like specifically when I'm not sleeping because I'm either working too much or doing too many things, or like I can't sleep due to stress.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_00: So, stress is the main trigger that kicks off my anxiety.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_00: And like I said, with the stress comes the neglecting my needs, not getting the rest, not hydrating properly, not eating properly, not moving my body properly, and doing things that I know will help me relieve stress.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: That just lets the anxiety sit in my body and manifest and build and get larger within my body, which makes anxiety worse.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_00: So when I'm stressed, that's when my anxiety, anxiety tends to be very high.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_00: Through a lot of therapy, through a lot of practice, through a lot of awareness of myself and just growing and maturing as a person, I've learned to stop overthinking as much.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_00: So when I start overthinking things that I usually have such clarity on and start putting like extra thought into decision making when I'm usually so like to the point and clear with my decision making, I know that's the anxiety disguised as overthinking.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_00: Like the anxiety really like tries to come in and in a way keep you safe.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_00: So it puts these things up that give you pause or give you a second thought of making a decision or doing a thing that your anxiety deems as unsafe.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_00: So, what I learned in my many hours of these classes is as humans, we have these survival skills that we used to use back when we actually had to like hunt for food and survive outside and find shelter and be aware of actual like animal dangers or natural disaster dangers, like environmental, way, way back, you know?
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_00: And so the nervous system helps us to stay alert to keep us safe from bears, from attacks, from thunder, just shit that we had to deal with before.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_00: But now, thousands of years later, or whatever, years later, as we are today, we're not running from bears and we're not worried about famine or like just shit that we'd have to worry about if we was living like kind of prehistoric, you know.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_00: But we have a lot of stressors, and we might feel in our nervous system when we get like an email from our manager, the same fear that us in the prehistoric times would feel if we saw like an animal coming to attack us.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_00: It triggers the same shit.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: So your body doesn't know if you are really fighting for your life or not, but it's signaling that you need to, which is why anxiety is so high, because there's so many things that are tied to like livelihood and just being safe and secure in our life, that we are always living in this fight or flight state of being all the time, which isn't good, which is how the stress is triggering the anxiety because it's all reading it as like danger.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're in danger, your body's not worried about if you're meeting your needs, if you're getting rest, if you're eating food, like you're just trying to survive.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_00: It's not worried about if you feel like you're overthinking.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_00: You need to think about all the possibilities because you have to stay alive, because obviously your life is at risk.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_00: And because you're in fight or flight, sometimes your decision-making paralysis is gonna kick in because there are so many triggering things pulling you both ways.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_00: So, as messed up as it is, like the anxiety that lives in us today is coming from like a deep, innate sense of survival as human beings that we really don't need today, but it gets triggered all the time.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_00: The thing that really makes me sad and makes me feel bad is like kids today really deal with anxiety, and maybe this has always been the case, but it's become more obvious, and we have an awareness around it now to where I see and I can be like in general, like children have a lot of anxiety, there's a lot of pressures to fit in, there's a lot of ways in which childhood has been removed from these kids.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_00: Like, they don't make like children's music anymore or like children uh movies, and I'm not talking about like little kids, I'm talking about the in-between, like the preteen, teenage, like everything is so adult now, and as a child, that's probably so confusing on top of everything, like all the mass technology and exposure to too much information all the time.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_00: Like, literally, anxiety levels are through the roof for children.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, there are a lot of tools to help with children and their anxiety, and there's a lot of resources, but there's also a lot more access to things that um hurt, like you know, there you has always been kids who've like done drugs or experimented with drinking or like smoke cigarettes or smoke weed or whatever, but now you can literally vape anywhere, and there are people who sell to kids, and kids can just get them and smoke it anywhere, which is making the anxiety worse, which is probably having some developmental impacts as well.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I just really feel for the kids now because growing up and being a child and experiencing all the hormonal changes and all that shit is already confusing enough.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_00: You tack on anxiety on like overload in a world where everything is.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: Such like under such scrutiny, and everything you do, like you have to try and always fit in on a target that's always moving, and it's unobtainable.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_00: Cause who got all the money to buy all this shit to keep up these days?
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_00: Like, that must be very difficult to go through as a kid.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_00: And even not even kids, like adults, too.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_00: Like, it's just tough.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_00: Like, adults, especially like my age, we were told we go down a certain path and we get certain results.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_00: But as we're moving down this path, shit is changing.
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_00: And it's feeling like no matter what you do, you cannot get the goal.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_00: You can't get the house.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_00: You can't pay off the debt.
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_00: You can't go on the trip.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like everything just feels so far out of reach.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_00: And with the handy dandy accessibility to so much alcohol and weed, like there are benefits to weed, but like also it can make your anxiety bad.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_00: Like, there's just so many different elements that really play into amping up anxiety today.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_00: That, like, how could you not have anxiety in this world?
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_00: Like, it's too much going on, and there's too many things at our disposal to make it worse.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_00: It might make you feel better, like momentarily, but ultimately you aren't going to feel well.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_00: Like, it's not designed to truly help you.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_00: Like, they want to like pacify you for the moment, but not necessarily treat you.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_00: Even these prescription drugs, like, I again, I think at some points, when you're in certain mental health states, you do need medication.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_00: But taking it for like general, milder anxiety every day, I personally feel I would rather do things aside from medication to help.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_00: Because if I become dependent on this pill and I don't have it, what happens when I stop taking it?
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_00: What happens if I choose like I want to do things differently and not be dependent on this pill?
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_00: Is that gonna make my anxiety worse?
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_00: Is it gonna make something else worse as a side effect?
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_00: Probably.
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_00: Like Xanax, controlled substances, they're quick to give you that shit.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_00: That is strong.
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_00: I haven't done like the controlled stuff, but I did do hydroxysine.
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_00: And that was mainly for my depression, but also my anxiety.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_00: And no, I didn't feel anxious or depressed anymore, but I also didn't feel a goddamn thing.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_00: I was just sitting there if I could stay awake, just kind of zoned out.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_00: It was like I was put in a box and I couldn't go past this box of any sort of emotion, heightened or lowered.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I that's not a quality of life that I want to experience.
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_00: Now, again, there are some people who have severe anxiety.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_00: My anxiety used to be more severe, it can fluctuate in severity, but my my thing is that big D, the depression.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_00: So when I get there, then I take further extremes.
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_00: But anxiety, personally, for me, I'd rather do like preventative measures and try to sustain that way before I lean into medication.
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_00: But I will take some if needed.
• 25:33
  SPEAKER_00: Like I don't medication shame, because that's part of growing and understanding like there are benefits to it.
• 25:40
  SPEAKER_00: But just like anything, too much of a good thing can be bad.
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_00: So I always try to find balance and a mixture of resources in my personal recovery.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_00: Some things that help me.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_00: So medication on occasion, therapy, talking it out, because usually there's some unconscious things that we got to work through that's kind of triggering this unconscious belief that's making you anxious.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_00: So I always like to get to the root and figure out, like, hey, what's coming up?
• 26:09
  SPEAKER_00: Because something's trying to trigger like this danger mechanism, and I don't feel in danger, and this shouldn't be that extreme that I'm feeling this way.
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_00: So I like to get straight to the source in therapy.
• 26:24
  SPEAKER_00: I also understand that like trauma, anxiety, things like that stay in our body.
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_00: So I try to move my body through exercise.
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_00: I need to be better at it, but like going on walks.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_00: I want to get further into like yoga practices because I know that is something that really helps.
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but just movement of the body in general.
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_00: Self-care, taking care of yourself is another thing that I found can really help with my anxiety.
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_00: Sitting in the bath and relaxing, or just taking intentional time to pour back into myself helps lower the chaotic brain that I have that's causing the anxiety and makes me kind of like regulate and ground.
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm always trying to ground.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever can ground me the most ultimately helps with that anxiety that's coming up.
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_00: Resting is another big one.
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_00: There are some days where it's like I need to rest.
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_00: And this was the one that came later, like understanding to listen to my body when it's telling me I need to rest.
• 27:37
  SPEAKER_00: I just did that this past weekend where I had plans to do a few different things.
• 27:43
  SPEAKER_00: But come Sunday, I'm like, no, I need to rest because I can take this one day to rest and be good to go for the next seven, or I can push through this one day, get half effort and half output, and then the rest of the days be shitty because I gotta work and do all these other things, so I can't catch up on the rest.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_00: So chose to do that and it really paid off.
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_00: Feeling better going into the week that I'm in, and I just know that historically, when I used to power through, like that sluggish, anxious, stress feeling would carry out throughout the entire week, not just the day.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_00: So rest is a big one.
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_00: What I consume, both social media, technology, input that way, and literally like what I'm eating and drinking.
• 28:36
  SPEAKER_00: When I'm eating terrible, sugary, salty, fried, greasy foods, I feel terrible physically and mentally, and therefore emotionally.
• 28:47
  SPEAKER_00: Like I notice the difference.
• 28:48
  SPEAKER_00: When I'm eating clean, I feel sharp, I'm not tired, I don't feel like just like heavy, and my thoughts aren't racing, they're not negative, they're not in any sort of like bad space.
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I used to think that was like bullshit.
• 29:07
  SPEAKER_00: Like, y'all just want me to eat healthy, just say that.
• 29:10
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you ain't got to tell me it'll help my mental.
• 29:12
  SPEAKER_00: But like, literally, I have noticed a difference.
• 29:15
  SPEAKER_00: There are times where I'll like juice for a few days just to get like clear holistically, not just like my system, but like to help with my energy levels, to help with my foggy mind, to help with my thoughts.
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_00: Like, it really does help what you put into your body, helps with your mind and helps with your spiritual or not spiritual, emotional.
• 29:39
  SPEAKER_00: So, like, yeah, what you consume and like social media, we know, like that'll spike your anxiety depending on what you consume.
• 29:49
  SPEAKER_00: It's gotten so bad.
• 29:50
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't know if I've built my threads account to be like the news, but every time I go in there, it's just so depressing, like it really highlights all the problems and things that you should be aware of, and I think I built it that way, so in a sense, like I kind of like it, but it's too much going on, and I have to be careful when I get on there because it will really make me anxious.
• 30:22
  SPEAKER_00: So I know in states where I'm really like dealing with high anxiety, let me say off threads.
• 30:29
  SPEAKER_00: TikTok, Instagram, I think is a little bit easier for me personally, my algorithm, but threads can't touch it when my anxiety's up because that's just gonna make me feel 10 times worse.
• 30:40
  SPEAKER_00: This one goes without saying, but being sober, I can recall, although it's been many years at this point, how on edge and anxious I always felt during the days when I was drinking, not just even when I was actively drinking, like the moment in life when I was a drinker, my anxiety was through the roof.
• 31:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I was always looking to do something to get out of the feeling instead of like maybe sitting in it and understanding what it is I'm feeling.
• 31:14
  SPEAKER_00: Like, if I feel any sort of spike, where the bottle is at?
• 31:17
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not trying to feel this.
• 31:18
  SPEAKER_00: Drink, feel more anxious, gotta drink more.
• 31:22
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't even feel the pre-drinking anxiety moments like I used to.
• 31:30
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I used to always just be like on edge.
• 31:35
  SPEAKER_00: That doesn't happen anymore.
• 31:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that specific part is directly correlated to being sober, and then finally, when push comes to absolute shove, when the world gets too much, when I am not leaning on my tools and I get to a place where I'm in the red, life happens.
• 31:55
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you neglect your practices.
• 31:57
  SPEAKER_00: But when I'm at my last leg, I know that last tool in the box I could pull out is ketamine therapy.
• 32:06
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not gonna try and convince y'all to try it.
• 32:09
  SPEAKER_00: I know it has saved my life, I know the benefits it has on me.
• 32:14
  SPEAKER_00: And if anyone is interested, I would always recommend trying it.
• 32:20
  SPEAKER_00: But to each their own.
• 32:23
  SPEAKER_00: I know that's something I'm going to continue to use in different sequences throughout life and different periods for the rest of my life, but I'm grateful for that one.
• 32:36
  SPEAKER_00: So grateful.
• 32:37
  SPEAKER_00: It'll get me back right every time.
• 32:40
  SPEAKER_00: Because sometimes shit is bigger than just like external tools and doing things.
• 32:44
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you need a little manipulation in your brain chemistry because sometimes it be that deep.
• 32:49
  SPEAKER_00: And baby, that's the one that worked for me.
• 32:52
  SPEAKER_00: So take all those things and you couple that with like the safeguards I have in place of my safety plan of letting people know, like, hey, I'm going through these things, or maybe like just hey, be aware of this.
• 33:07
  SPEAKER_00: But also, that is more of depression.
• 33:11
  SPEAKER_00: We will talk about depression another time because that's a whole other can of worms.
• 33:15
  SPEAKER_00: But all those tools help me with my personal anxiety journey.
• 33:20
  SPEAKER_00: Going from being anxious every waking moment of the day all my life, biting my nails, bouncing my knee, being so afraid of the world around me, panic attacks every day to this calm demeanor today took a lot of work.
• 33:43
  SPEAKER_00: It takes a lot of work, it takes continuous effort to keep this going and to sustain this level of calm.
• 33:51
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes it goes up, and we do what we have to do to get back down.
• 33:57
  SPEAKER_00: But putting in all that work, learning all the things I've learned, and understanding life, not as anxious as I used to be, when it comes to protecting that, I am full steam ahead.
• 34:13
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I cannot go back to being that person who was just in shambles, in anxiety, like riddle me, paralyzed me.
• 34:28
  SPEAKER_00: That is not a quality of life that I ever want to experience again.
• 34:32
  SPEAKER_00: So I do everything in my power to keep me on this side of things.
• 34:37
  SPEAKER_00: And that is protecting my rest, protecting my boundaries, honoring my needs, and not neglecting them, not making it an afterthought to take care of myself.
• 34:48
  SPEAKER_00: Like I really make it an intentional effort to prioritize keeping my mental health as close to baseline as possible, specifically as it regards to anxiety.
• 35:00
  SPEAKER_00: Because I know in a world full of stress and stress being a trigger to the anxiety, like I have to always be mindful of it because it can flare up at any given moment.
• 35:13
  SPEAKER_00: So this is something that I am consciously working on every single day.
• 35:18
  SPEAKER_00: Having people around me who understand what I'm going through, who can relate to the different feelings that I have and can offer some suggestion and some guidance is very key.
• 35:30
  SPEAKER_00: It helps me deal with my own unconscious beliefs and deal with my own relationship to anxiety and honestly takes the stigma and the fear out of it because I know that I'm not the only one dealing with it, and other people understand where I'm coming from in my current state.
• 35:51
  SPEAKER_00: So if you are doing it by now, talk to people about it, especially if you are a person with high anxiety.
• 35:58
  SPEAKER_00: Like there's nothing to be ashamed of.
• 36:00
  SPEAKER_00: You are in a world that breeds a lot of anxiety, so you aren't like crazy for being anxious.
• 36:08
  SPEAKER_00: There's just some things that need rewiring in the body, because right now your body thinks that you are literally in danger for your life when you are just like sending a text, like it really be that small.
• 36:23
  SPEAKER_00: But it's not you.
• 36:25
  SPEAKER_00: You aren't crazy, you aren't alone.
• 36:28
  SPEAKER_00: Find the support you need, find the resources you need, create the toolbox that works for you, and get this anxiety under control because it should not be running your life.
• 36:39
  SPEAKER_00: The quality of life you can have after anxiety is a world of a difference.
• 36:48
  SPEAKER_00: I remember after I left one of my sessions for ketamine therapy, I was like in tears because I just recall how dark and how little hope I had for life because of how anxious I was.
• 37:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, I never would have thought life could be so like bright and optimistic on this other side.
• 37:16
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, I know there's a lot of people who are still in that darkness, and my hope is that people can find what works for them to get on that other side because stress is always going to be there.
• 37:30
  SPEAKER_00: Unfortunately, anxiety is always going to be there, like the triggers in the anxiety.
• 37:35
  SPEAKER_00: So we need to get ahead of it.
• 37:37
  SPEAKER_00: We need to build our toolbox to help have a nice, fulfilling, long life.
• 37:45
  SPEAKER_00: Because stress is a silent killer.
• 37:48
  SPEAKER_00: So do what you need to do.
• 37:50
  SPEAKER_00: Find the people who can help you and get through this anxiety.
• 37:55
  SPEAKER_00: Because there are ways to make yourself feel better.
• 37:58
  SPEAKER_00: I promise.
• 37:59
  SPEAKER_00: Take it from me.
• 38:00
  SPEAKER_00: I thought there was nothing.
• 38:02
  SPEAKER_00: There are a lot of ways.
• 38:03
  SPEAKER_00: You just gotta find what works for you.
• 38:06
  SPEAKER_00: Because what's good for the goose might not be good for the gander.
• 38:09
  SPEAKER_00: So you gotta try what works for you and try things.
• 38:13
  SPEAKER_00: If it don't work, try something else.
• 38:14
  SPEAKER_00: If that don't work, try something else.
• 38:16
  SPEAKER_00: You gotta keep trying it out, but don't give up.
• 38:19
  SPEAKER_00: Cause I promise it's worth it.
• 38:23
  SPEAKER_00: Alright, let's jump into this I Say This With Love segment.
• 38:27
  SPEAKER_00: As a reminder, if you want your submission read, you would hit up the tiny URL link, drop your information there, and I will read it during one of these episodes.
• 38:37
  SPEAKER_00: After 23 years, my dad found God again, and now every conversation somehow loops back to the church.
• 38:46
  SPEAKER_00: I'm happy he found peace, but I miss just talking to him about regular stuff.
• 38:52
  SPEAKER_00: I want to bring it up to him, but I'm afraid he might Bible thump me and cut me off.
• 39:00
  SPEAKER_00: How do you suggest I go about bringing the conversation up to him?
• 39:04
  SPEAKER_00: Whew, I say this with love.
• 39:07
  SPEAKER_00: That um when you're dealing with I don't want to say indoctrination, because I don't know how deep it is, but sounds like there's some indoctrination.
• 39:18
  SPEAKER_00: Um, especially when it comes to like Christianity, which I'm assuming this is, uh, that gets tough.
• 39:25
  SPEAKER_00: That gets really tough because in my experience, I find when people are deeply indoctrinated into anything, honestly, but religion, they go so based on what the religion is that they don't really listen to anything that is like sound criticism.
• 39:46
  SPEAKER_00: And again, in my experience, I feel sometimes those conversations, particularly with family, tend to get big.
• 40:00
  SPEAKER_00: So I think the approach with this for this particular situation, if I had to do it, as annoying as it is, would be like not necessarily saying not drawing attention to like your religious practices are the issue because it's interfering with like our relationship, just expressing it in a way of like I miss the conversations that we used to have.
• 40:31
  SPEAKER_00: They used to be more vast, we used to talk about different things, and I feel like we have gotten more narrow in our conversations.
• 40:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I feel like I can't talk to you about certain things anymore, you know, same thing, just a different approach.
• 40:47
  SPEAKER_00: Um, because I know like people get real defensive, especially over that book, and it can get um bigger than it honestly needs to be.
• 40:58
  SPEAKER_00: Um, also, I don't know how your dad is regularly.
• 41:01
  SPEAKER_00: Like, are you able to approach him with things like this, like harder conversations or just express yourself?
• 41:08
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you're like me, then you can, but that might not be your reality.
• 41:13
  SPEAKER_00: So, um, or maybe like continue to kind of like force it your topics in, like anytime he wanna derail to religion, you bring it right back, and he might derail and you bring it back, and maybe he'll start to understand.
• 41:30
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 41:30
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know what might be the easiest approach for you, but I might try both those ways because again, when you are dealing with people in these spaces, it can get a lot, unless you're confrontational.
• 41:42
  SPEAKER_00: Then if you want to have the conversation and it escalates and you're willing to do that, then by all means, but just a couple of different approaches you can take.
• 41:53
  SPEAKER_00: All right, y'all.
• 41:54
  SPEAKER_00: That's it for today's episode.
• 41:56
  SPEAKER_00: As a reminder, make sure y'all are following us on social media, emailing us for all inquiries, and visiting that tiny URL link to submit for I Say This With Love.
• 42:07
  SPEAKER_00: But I appreciate you.
• 42:08
  SPEAKER_00: And as always, I'm RJ.
• 42:11
  SPEAKER_00: This is the Alive I Guess podcast, and I'll see y'all same time next week.
• 42:16
  SPEAKER_00: I'm alive.
• 42:18
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a live like it's I'm a live I guess.
• 42:23
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a live like it.