Latest / Judgement Call / 30 DAYS OF REVENGE: CREATIVE GENIUS OR A FELONY?

Transcript

30 DAYS OF REVENGE: CREATIVE GENIUS OR A FELONY? · Judgement Call

0:00
SPEAKER_02: She's seen it all from the bench.
0:02
SPEAKER_02: He's helped couples through it all.
0:05
SPEAKER_02: Now they're making the call on the internet's biggest relationship debates.
0:10
SPEAKER_02: Real relationships, real reactions, real talk.
0:14
SPEAKER_02: This is Judgment Call.
0:19
SPEAKER_06: I have been dumped a lot.
0:22
unknown: What?
0:23
SPEAKER_06: I have.
0:24
SPEAKER_06: I was a terrible girlfriend.
0:26
SPEAKER_06: You know, he wanted, we go out to dinner, he wants Chinese, I want Italian.
0:30
SPEAKER_06: I'm, you know, it's over.
0:34
SPEAKER_06: I wasn't compromising, I wasn't doing anything.
0:37
SPEAKER_06: Guys would just get sick of me and just get rid of me, which is so interesting.
0:41
SPEAKER_06: I don't know it's if it's a function of getting dumped a lot or what, but I don't want to get excited about it.
0:47
SPEAKER_06: I kind of roll with it.
0:49
SPEAKER_06: And these days it seems that exes have absolutely no equanimity about it at all.
0:56
SPEAKER_06: They are just crazy.
1:00
SPEAKER_08: Yeah.
1:01
SPEAKER_08: Um, what we don't do well these days is take rejection well, you know?
1:06
SPEAKER_08: And love is an ironic thing, right?
1:08
SPEAKER_08: Nothing makes you question your lovability like showing up and asking somebody to love you.
1:14
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, you're very vulnerable in that moment.
1:16
SPEAKER_06: And and in a in a time and age where we let them grow up with participation trophies and all this kind of stuff.
1:25
SPEAKER_06: You're all we're all winners here, this and that.
1:27
SPEAKER_06: We don't know how to lose well.
1:29
SPEAKER_06: And the ultimate loss, it it really seeps into your soul.
1:32
SPEAKER_06: This individual knows me, understands me, and don't want me.
1:38
SPEAKER_08: And and they come back with before we dive in, uh I can I can remember some of the shenanigans that took place in your courtroom when it came to bad breakups.
1:52
SPEAKER_08: And I have heard countless stories in terms of bad breakups, which begs the question is all fair in love and war?
2:00
SPEAKER_08: Right?
2:00
SPEAKER_08: Did you hear the one about the couple who broke up and he cheated and she was so pissed about it, she hired a marching band to follow him to work for the next 30 days and play songs about cheating the entire time?
2:12
SPEAKER_06: No, Ish, I have not heard about that, but I'm glad you told me.
2:19
SPEAKER_08: And I can't imagine the stuff you've seen come through in divorce court, and you know, it it gets messy, doesn't it?
2:26
SPEAKER_06: It gets messy, it gets messy, and I want to know what Madison has for us.
2:32
SPEAKER_03: Judgment call.
2:34
SPEAKER_00: I landed my ex in the psych ward because I terrorized him for 30 days straight.
2:39
SPEAKER_00: And for those of you who are new here, I thought I would reshare the list of things that I did.
2:42
SPEAKER_00: On day one, I super glued his gas tank shut.
2:46
SPEAKER_00: On day two, I wrote a letter to his mother about a secret child that he's been hiding for five years.
2:51
SPEAKER_00: I made this up, but it was very emotional and believable.
2:54
SPEAKER_00: On day three, I sent flowers to his job with a note from his sponsor implying that he'd relapsed over the weekend, but that it was all gonna be okay.
3:03
SPEAKER_00: On day four, I had random people coming to his door at all times of night.
3:07
SPEAKER_00: So he was sleep deprived, and it actually looked like he was an addict at work the next day.
3:12
SPEAKER_00: I did this by having different delivery drivers pull up to send him food and stuff all throughout the night.
3:18
SPEAKER_00: On day five, I made a Tinder profile for him as a DL man who wants men to text him pictures of their junk, and I said that if he responds negatively, it's because his girlfriend is nearby and that they should try again later.
3:31
SPEAKER_00: On day six, I wrote a letter to the bank financing his car, pretending to be him, and saying that he wanted to voluntarily surrender his vehicle.
3:39
SPEAKER_00: On day seven, I wrote a letter to his landlord from a concerned neighbor about his addiction and the strangers pulling up to his door at all times of night, and I said I was concerned that he might be dealing.
3:50
SPEAKER_00: On day eight, I weaponized SEO and I made a wedding registry so that any woman looking to date him would think that he was an engaged cheater whenever they googled him.
4:00
SPEAKER_00: On day nine, I convinced him he had a stalker.
4:03
SPEAKER_00: On day 10, I mailed him an official letter notifying him that he's being investigated for drug smuggling.
4:08
SPEAKER_00: On day 11, I mailed him a letter from the Department of Public Health letting him know that he's a person of contact for an antibiotic resistant strain of supergonorrhea.
4:17
SPEAKER_00: On day 12, I mailed a missed appointment postcard from a fake erectile dysfunction clinic to his job.
4:23
SPEAKER_00: On day 13, I went into his house and I injected his mattress with milk.
4:28
SPEAKER_00: I painted sugar water along the baseboards, and I put a beef bouillon cube and a shower head, so every time he took a shower, he would get all stinky, but he didn't know why.
4:37
SPEAKER_00: On day 14, I signed him up for Scientology courses.
4:41
SPEAKER_00: On day 15, I sent him a fake voodoo doll of himself with a needle through the crotch because at this point I'm sure he thought he was cursed or something.
4:48
SPEAKER_00: And we live in New Orleans, so I thought I would really rub it in.
4:51
SPEAKER_00: On day 16, I pretended to be his wife and called to get his utilities shut off.
4:56
SPEAKER_00: On day 17, I called his grandma pretending to be a nursing home, and I told her that he'd submit an application for her and that she'd been approved.
5:04
SPEAKER_00: On day 18, I sent a fake obituary claiming to have found it on his best friend's computer, and I warned him that he might be in danger.
5:12
SPEAKER_00: So he started to think his best friend had a little bit to do with what was going on.
5:16
SPEAKER_00: On day 19, I called the front desk at his job and I left a voicemail saying he got the job he applied for, and I said something along the lines of like, we know he was trying to get a new job quickly and he can start Monday.
5:28
SPEAKER_00: On day 20, I messaged his family and friends with fake documentation of him donating to radical groups.
5:34
SPEAKER_00: On day 21, I created a profile for him on social media and I wrote a detailed confessional about how he's attracted to his mom and that's what the cause of his addiction has been.
5:44
SPEAKER_00: On day 22, I called a close family member of his pretending to be a life insurance company and I told him that he tried to take out several policies on them.
5:53
SPEAKER_00: On day 23, I called and offered him the job of his dreams, and then the morning he was supposed to start, I rescinded the fake offer, and I told him he needs to talk to the people in his close circle because they're the reason he didn't get the job.
6:05
SPEAKER_00: On day 24, I emailed his landlord and I gave a 30-day notice that he's moving out.
6:10
SPEAKER_00: On day 25, I reported him deceased to his bank to get his accounts frozen.
6:14
SPEAKER_00: On day 26, I called his mother's church and informed them that he made me get an abortion.
6:20
SPEAKER_00: It was a really emotional call.
6:21
SPEAKER_00: It was like I can't live with myself.
6:23
SPEAKER_00: On day 27, I went on a podcast and painted him as a deadbeat father to the child that I lied about to his mother.
6:30
SPEAKER_00: On day 28, I put up flyers in his neighborhood warning neighbors that he's a peeping Tom.
6:35
SPEAKER_00: On day 29, I sent him an anonymous email informing him that someone might be out to get him and that the last 28 days have been calculated.
6:43
SPEAKER_00: And then on day 30, which was New Year's Eve, because I did this in December, I called to have a mental wellness check done on him.
6:51
SPEAKER_00: And I know what you're thinking.
6:53
SPEAKER_00: I did this for 30 days in the month of December.
6:56
SPEAKER_00: I did not start on December 1st.
6:58
SPEAKER_00: I started on December 2nd because I spent the entire day on the 1st planning this whole thing out.
7:04
SPEAKER_00: So if you're new here or if you've been around for a long time, I just wanted to remind y'all what I'm capable of.
7:12
SPEAKER_06: And on January 2 yes, they got a 5150 looking for her.
7:22
SPEAKER_08: Right.
7:22
SPEAKER_08: And on January 3rd, I heavily medicate her in the hospital because she's crazy.
7:30
SPEAKER_06: To put that amount, first of all, I gotta give her.
7:54
SPEAKER_06: They were sinister, they were calculated, you know.
7:59
SPEAKER_06: To hurt in the most most meaningful ways, but she really needs to figure out why she needs to do all that to somebody else because she got her feelings hurt.
8:09
SPEAKER_06: I mean something right there.
8:12
SPEAKER_08: I got so many questions.
8:14
SPEAKER_08: First of all, how long were y'all together?
8:18
SPEAKER_08: First of all, before that, what did he do?
8:21
SPEAKER_08: What did this man do to deserve all of that?
8:24
SPEAKER_08: I I need to know.
8:26
SPEAKER_06: And she's so cheery with it, you know, and he goes, I know what you're all thinking, that that she didn't have all the days counted out right.
8:34
SPEAKER_06: No, that's not what any of us are thinking.
8:36
SPEAKER_06: All of us are thinking, what is wrong with you?
8:40
SPEAKER_08: There is a um, there is a sociopathic, eerie level of calm with which she conveys this story about how she systematically sought to dismantle this man's life.
8:52
SPEAKER_08: So again, I want to know what he does.
8:53
SPEAKER_08: Now, just as I'm not a legal mind, but it sounds like some of the stuff she did really walks close to the line of being illegal.
9:03
SPEAKER_08: Is there anything in there that you heard that kind of breaks the rules?
9:05
SPEAKER_06: There are.
9:06
SPEAKER_06: There's one line in there that she said, I believe I made him believe he was being stalked.
9:11
SPEAKER_06: So if you engage in any pattern of conduct or behavior designed to make the other person fearful, that is stalking.
9:17
SPEAKER_06: But even if that's not stalking, depending on what state you're in, they have rules against harassment, which is patterns and conducts done in order to harass or, you know, not necessarily cause fear of bodily harm, but to to harass and discombobulate people.
9:34
SPEAKER_06: And those tend to have lesser times, but still misdemeanor, and it can be kicked up for a felony in some states if he got a restraining order and she kept doing it.
9:45
SPEAKER_06: So she is, depending on the state you're in, if you have those harassment laws, it doesn't have to rise to the level of stalking, which is putting the fear that you will give him bodily injury, but to disrupt somebody's life like that, yes, indeed, there are legal remedies.
10:02
SPEAKER_08: I mean, oh my God.
10:04
SPEAKER_08: And my question for her, baby girl, okay, after the 30 days, after the month-long uh tirade of of Terra, did you feel better?
10:16
SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
10:17
SPEAKER_08: Did it make you feel better about the breakup or not?
10:20
SPEAKER_08: Right?
10:20
SPEAKER_08: Did you feel more whole about who you were?
10:23
SPEAKER_08: Do you feel like you're a better woman after that than you were before?
10:26
SPEAKER_08: Right?
10:27
SPEAKER_08: Right.
10:28
SPEAKER_08: That's my question for her.
10:29
SPEAKER_08: Because it doesn't.
10:30
SPEAKER_08: It just doesn't.
10:31
SPEAKER_08: The thing she's looking for, right?
10:33
SPEAKER_08: The peace she seeks is not outside there.
10:36
SPEAKER_08: It's not with the mean things you can do to him.
10:39
SPEAKER_08: It's the peace she's got to find for herself.
10:41
SPEAKER_08: And it now at no point during at no point during her 30-day rant that I see any expression on her face that says, and that brought me peace.
10:49
SPEAKER_08: Right.
10:50
SPEAKER_06: And it didn't bring her peace.
10:51
SPEAKER_06: It probably brought her a lot of views, but it didn't bring her any peace.
10:55
SPEAKER_08: Yeah.
10:55
SPEAKER_08: Yeah.
10:57
SPEAKER_08: I don't know, just I would like to pursue the legal angle here as the speaking for the man delegation.
11:03
SPEAKER_06: Oh no, I I would I would definitely go to the police station.
11:06
SPEAKER_06: I would go to the prosecutor's office, tell him what he what she's doing, and find out what exactly what the laws are in my state, because he deserves recompense for that.
11:16
SPEAKER_08: And I would take this and say, here is everything that she did because she put it on video.
11:23
SPEAKER_06: You put it on video.
11:24
SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
11:24
SPEAKER_06: I mean, it's it's like you're telling on yourself.
11:27
SPEAKER_06: Like it's the rap music and stuff, you know.
11:30
SPEAKER_06: Um, I caught a body a week ago.
11:33
SPEAKER_08: It's like a terrible bad guy in a movie, right?
11:35
SPEAKER_08: They always tell on themselves.
11:39
SPEAKER_06: Right right before they get caught.
11:41
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, they just tell on themselves.
11:44
SPEAKER_06: So judgment call for whoever that that that poor, unfortunate young man was.
11:51
SPEAKER_08: Yeah, yeah.
11:52
SPEAKER_08: And I live in I live in Florida.
11:54
SPEAKER_08: Uh in Florida, we call it a Baker Act.
11:56
SPEAKER_08: In Florida, judgment call for a Baker Act.
11:58
SPEAKER_08: That's when we involuntarily admit somebody to the hospital because they're out of they are out of control.
12:04
SPEAKER_08: Come on, lady.
12:06
SPEAKER_08: Come on.
12:08
SPEAKER_04: Judgment call.
12:11
SPEAKER_04: Hello, Morgan.
12:12
SPEAKER_04: This is your husband, Richard, that you refuse to pick up the phone for.
12:16
SPEAKER_04: Uh, just calling to let you know that uh my car is in a ditch.
12:20
SPEAKER_04: I'm dying.
12:21
SPEAKER_04: Uh, if I had one person to pull me out, I'd probably survive.
12:24
SPEAKER_04: Um, but due to the fact that you didn't answer the phone, I'm probably gonna perish in this in this in this little just spot right here in the dirt, in the mud, water.
12:34
SPEAKER_04: So really wish you'd pick up the phone.
12:37
SPEAKER_04: That would have been nice.
12:39
SPEAKER_04: But I guess I'll just call you from heaven now, because that'll be my new home.
12:44
SPEAKER_04: Uh, anyways, uh, in case I do save myself in the stitch, I'll be at my mom's house to get her Christmas decorations out of the attic so I will not be home before you make it to church.
12:53
SPEAKER_04: But pray for me because remember, I'm dying.
12:57
SPEAKER_04: Okay, thanks.
12:58
SPEAKER_04: Love you.
12:59
SPEAKER_06: I got uh three words from him.
13:01
SPEAKER_06: 911.
13:03
SPEAKER_06: Why would you call your ex if you were in trouble?
13:07
SPEAKER_06: Now he doesn't sound like he was in too much trouble because he seems awfully upbeat.
13:12
SPEAKER_08: He seems awfully chill.
13:13
SPEAKER_08: He seems he seems awfully chill to be on the verge of dying, embarrassing.
13:18
SPEAKER_06: And she's having a lovely time with the idea that he might be dying.
13:24
SPEAKER_08: God, I mean, just the manipulation here.
13:26
SPEAKER_08: Come on, the manipulation.
13:28
SPEAKER_08: Obviously, you don't sound like you're upside down in a ditch uh on the verge of no longer existing on earth.
13:34
SPEAKER_08: You don't sound like that at all.
13:36
SPEAKER_08: What it sounds like is I'm trying to see do you actually still give a damn or not?
13:40
SPEAKER_08: Right.
13:41
SPEAKER_06: And clearly she does not, because she danced through the whole thing.
13:48
SPEAKER_06: I think they both got what they wanted out of that.
13:54
SPEAKER_08: I I think they both got what they wanted, and clearly they both got what they needed, which is some separation.
14:00
SPEAKER_08: There you go.
14:01
SPEAKER_08: There you go.
14:02
SPEAKER_08: I mean, you know what I wish?
14:03
SPEAKER_08: I wish there was a I wish there was a rule.
14:06
SPEAKER_08: Whether it's on dating apps, whether it's on our phone, whether it had to come with our picture when we when we shared our information, that we would have to talk about when we share our biological age.
14:16
SPEAKER_08: And then I wish there was an app that would put a picture of our emotional age right on the front of us, right?
14:23
SPEAKER_08: Like a picture of me as a little boy with a ball cap, with a helmet, with a propeller on the top.
14:34
SPEAKER_08: Ay, ay, ay.
14:35
SPEAKER_08: But I mean, it's a very it's a very passive aggressive tactic, though, isn't it?
14:38
SPEAKER_08: You know, it is opposed to asking, as opposed to manning up, and I don't really like that term, but I'll say it, and as opposed to just being direct.
14:46
unknown: Right.
14:46
SPEAKER_08: And hey, you know, was this the question I hear underneath is was this thing we had real or not?
14:52
SPEAKER_08: Because it sure did seem like in the end you didn't really care much about me.
14:56
SPEAKER_08: And I could waste some time and manufacture some situations and some scenarios to test that, or I could just ask you straight up and and see, you know what I mean?
15:06
SPEAKER_08: And then live and then live with your answer.
15:09
SPEAKER_06: I still like to dance though.
15:14
SPEAKER_08: In a word, Judge, she was unbothered.
15:18
SPEAKER_06: Unbothered, completely and utterly unbothered.
15:22
SPEAKER_06: Judgment call for both of them because they entertained me.
15:27
SPEAKER_03: Judgment call.
15:30
SPEAKER_01: Am I the asshole for telling my former friend that it's her responsibility to deal with her crazy ex?
15:36
SPEAKER_01: I, 20 female, had a friend, 19 female, that was a part of our friend group of us four since freshman year of high school.
15:44
SPEAKER_01: That one friend, we'll call her Sydney.
15:46
SPEAKER_01: During our senior year, she met a guy and we'll call him Josh.
15:50
SPEAKER_01: He was 20 then, but he's 22 now.
15:53
SPEAKER_01: We all knew that he was a creep right away.
15:56
SPEAKER_01: For example, he wouldn't let her hang out with us or any other friends unless he could come too.
16:01
SPEAKER_01: And she felt sorry for him because he didn't have any friends.
16:04
SPEAKER_01: But he would compulsively check us all out, be hyperactive like a young child.
16:10
SPEAKER_01: Something was seriously mentally off with him, but she was still in love with him and refused to leave him.
16:15
SPEAKER_01: We told her we didn't want him hanging out with us anymore because he made us uncomfortable.
16:20
SPEAKER_01: So she stopped hanging out with us since she wasn't quote unquote allowed unless he could come too.
16:27
SPEAKER_01: She only hung out with us a few times when he went on trips with his family.
16:32
SPEAKER_01: That was her loophole, I guess.
16:34
SPEAKER_01: She went to college about three hours away.
16:37
SPEAKER_01: I go to a local community college.
16:39
SPEAKER_01: Another friend works for her family business, and the other goes to cosmetology school nearby.
16:45
SPEAKER_01: So we all stayed in town.
16:47
SPEAKER_01: She finally saw the light and broke up with him.
16:50
SPEAKER_01: He doesn't have a driver's license.
16:52
SPEAKER_01: She would come home every weekend to see him.
16:54
SPEAKER_01: So she's safe three hours away.
16:56
SPEAKER_01: He can't get her.
16:58
SPEAKER_01: All she has to do is block him or change her number or block him on social media.
17:03
SPEAKER_01: We're stuck here in the same town with him.
17:06
SPEAKER_01: He was harassing her.
17:08
SPEAKER_01: All she had to do was block him.
17:10
SPEAKER_01: So he started harassing us to try to get her to talk to him.
17:15
SPEAKER_01: We ignored him, but he literally showed up at the cosmetology school of one of my friends, her former friend, because we were ignoring his messages.
17:25
SPEAKER_01: He wanted her to talk to Sydney on his behalf and encourage her to take him back.
17:30
SPEAKER_01: I got in contact with Cindy and told her what happened and told her she has to deal with this.
17:37
SPEAKER_01: She brought this miscreant into our lives and she needs to fix this.
17:42
SPEAKER_01: She said she cannot and will not be held responsible for his actions and will not speak to him under any circumstances.
17:50
SPEAKER_01: And what he did wasn't her fault.
17:52
SPEAKER_01: But we have her blessing to block him or contact the authorities or do what we gotta do.
17:57
SPEAKER_01: It's not that simple.
17:58
SPEAKER_01: Police are useless where we are and they don't care about anything.
18:01
SPEAKER_01: Plus, the one friend who works for her family business, her family are undocumented immigrants.
18:06
SPEAKER_01: So we're afraid something could happen to her family if we contact the police.
18:10
SPEAKER_01: Am I the asshole for expecting Cindy to deal with him?
18:14
SPEAKER_06: Interesting question.
18:15
SPEAKER_06: I there's a um a moral side and a legal side.
18:20
SPEAKER_08: And I saw you have a reaction, so I want to get yeah, I want to hear what you got to say about it.
18:24
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, I you know, I understand she brought that that guy into their lives.
18:28
SPEAKER_06: But what he's doing, if if if she contacts him based upon these contacts, he's one because what he's doing is bothering people to get him, get, get them, get her to talk to him.
18:41
SPEAKER_06: And he's one.
18:42
SPEAKER_06: And the moment she does that, he knows he can do it.
18:45
SPEAKER_06: And so he'll continue to do it because I've seen a lot of stalkers in my day.
18:50
SPEAKER_06: And you just can't, you can't have the stalky talk to the stalker.
18:54
SPEAKER_06: It never stops them, it only fuels them.
18:57
SPEAKER_06: So they're not gonna solve either their problem and they're gonna exacerbate her problem if they want her to talk to him, because it won't work, if you know what I'm saying.
19:07
SPEAKER_08: I know exactly what you're saying.
19:09
SPEAKER_08: And he is following the abusive guy stalker playbook, right?
19:13
SPEAKER_08: First step, isolate, alienate all her friends, and let me and so that I'm the only voice she's listening to.
19:20
SPEAKER_08: Then we can take it to the next level after that for sure.
19:24
SPEAKER_08: And just for everybody out there listening, to be clear, we hear this all the time.
19:29
SPEAKER_08: You've heard it a thousand times in divorce court.
19:31
SPEAKER_08: I hear it all day, every week.
19:33
SPEAKER_08: Well, I love them though.
19:35
SPEAKER_08: But I love them.
19:37
SPEAKER_08: But but I love them.
19:38
SPEAKER_08: I know they did this thing, but but I love them.
19:40
SPEAKER_08: So I don't know.
19:41
SPEAKER_08: Love does not teach keep love, doesn't keep you in a toxic relationship.
19:45
SPEAKER_08: Fear does.
19:46
SPEAKER_08: Fear of abandonment, fear of being alone, fear of being rejected, fear of not being enough.
19:51
SPEAKER_08: So staying in a toxic relationship doesn't have anything to do with love, but it's got a lot to do with what you think you deserve.
19:57
SPEAKER_06: Now I do feel bad for friends because he is bothering them.
20:00
SPEAKER_06: But if I were their friends, useless police or no, I would keep track of what they're doing, what he's doing.
20:06
SPEAKER_06: And if and when it rises to the level of stalking or harassment and go to it, go to the police and be persistent about it, be as persistent as he is being, so something gets done.
20:17
SPEAKER_06: But getting her to talk to him will do exactly the opposite of what you want to get done, which is getting which stopping him from talking to you, because it works, right?
20:27
SPEAKER_08: It empowers him.
20:28
SPEAKER_06: It empowers him, yep.
20:29
SPEAKER_08: You just can't let him talk to him.
20:31
SPEAKER_08: Yeah, it doesn't make it doesn't make her the asshole, it doesn't make you the asshole, but it does mean that you're a person who doesn't grasp the severity of the situation in the dynamic of a toxic relationship, right?
20:44
SPEAKER_06: Exactly, exactly.
20:46
SPEAKER_08: You can't throw your friend back into the wolves, yeah, yeah.
20:49
SPEAKER_06: So the only asshole in here is the guy who's who's who's bothering everybody, and but you can't get mad at the girl that she that that you went with because it's not it's not gonna have the the result that you think.
21:02
SPEAKER_06: It's going to it's gonna embolden him and and and gonna keep talking to you and keep talking to you because you keep talking to her and then she'll talk to you.
21:12
SPEAKER_06: Right.
21:12
SPEAKER_06: How do you put out a fire?
21:13
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, you gotta start with flying.
21:15
SPEAKER_06: You gotta starve.
21:17
SPEAKER_06: Gotta starve it.
21:19
SPEAKER_08: Good luck to her, though.
21:20
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, good luck to her to all of them.
21:22
SPEAKER_06: Um judgment call in favor of the young lady.
21:27
SPEAKER_08: Yeah, a judgment call in favor of that, and judgment call in favor of having a good friend group who can circle the wagons when one person is in trouble, you know?
21:37
SPEAKER_06: Right, yeah.
21:38
SPEAKER_06: And it's it it's good for them all to be in it together because they can all keep notes and all keep records and all that kind of and that kind of stuff.
21:46
SPEAKER_06: And then they'll have to go to the authorities in in in due time.
21:49
SPEAKER_08: It's support and it's accountability, which is what every person needs when they're on the wrong side of a toxic relationship.
21:56
SPEAKER_06: And at the end of the day, it's evidence as well.
21:58
SPEAKER_08: No, and we like evidence.
22:00
SPEAKER_06: Yes, we do like evidence.
22:03
SPEAKER_03: Judgment call.
22:06
SPEAKER_05: I'm proud of it, but woman enough to admit that I did it.
22:09
SPEAKER_05: For whatever that trend is.
22:10
SPEAKER_05: When I was dating my college ex-boyfriend, we would get in massive fights, like every single day, toxic relationship, whatever, but he would always block me.
22:17
SPEAKER_05: So instead of like blowing up his phone or calling him a million times, I would make a text free number and I would pretend to be my sister.
22:25
SPEAKER_05: And I would text him being like, hey, it's Laura, like Livy told me you guys got in a fight, like what's happening?
22:30
SPEAKER_05: Like, I just want to hear it from your point of view.
22:32
SPEAKER_05: And so he would tell me absolutely everything that happened in the fight.
22:35
SPEAKER_05: And so I would flip it on him.
22:36
SPEAKER_05: I'd be like, oh my god, like I hear you, you're so valid, but like, have you ever thought it from this point of view?
22:40
SPEAKER_05: And it would be my point of view.
22:42
SPEAKER_05: Now that I say all of this out loud, I am realizing like how genuinely insane I am.
22:45
SPEAKER_05: But it worked like it's true from every single time that man would be calling me within like 10 minutes of him speaking to my sister.
22:52
SPEAKER_05: And the benefit about dating a dumb man is the fact that we would get in fights like every single day, and every single day I would make a brand new number pretending to be my sister.
23:00
SPEAKER_05: Like I'm not gonna Okay, probably not every day, but like at least once a week.
23:03
SPEAKER_05: So he just thought my sister had a million different numbers, or it'd be like, hey, it's Laura texting you from like my boyfriend's phone or my friend's phone or something.
23:10
SPEAKER_05: He never once caught on.
23:12
SPEAKER_05: And he's had my sister's number the entire time.
23:14
SPEAKER_05: Now I don't recommend it just because it's toxic, but it works for me every single time.
23:19
SPEAKER_06: I don't recommend it just because it's toxic, but it works for me every time.
23:24
SPEAKER_06: I am engaging in toxic behavior because it is working.
23:29
SPEAKER_06: Kinda sound like she's recommending it.
23:32
SPEAKER_07: A little bit.
23:33
SPEAKER_08: A little bit, but it works for her every time.
23:36
SPEAKER_08: What is that?
23:37
SPEAKER_08: What is that rule you've got about how to uh manage a disagreement, a challenging point in your relationship, and how to disengage in the moment and then re-engage.
23:48
SPEAKER_08: What do you say about that?
23:49
SPEAKER_08: I'm not really sure.
23:50
SPEAKER_08: I don't remember.
23:51
SPEAKER_08: Do you well you you always talk about not being you always talk about having the forethought to disengage in the moment and then come back?
24:00
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, yeah.
24:01
SPEAKER_06: Because you can never win an argument in the argument.
24:04
SPEAKER_06: You can never resolve anything.
24:06
SPEAKER_06: All you can do is intimidate, back down, or otherwise.
24:09
SPEAKER_06: You save the issue, don't save the anger, come back to the table later and talk to it later.
24:15
SPEAKER_06: Now it seems to me that he might be reactionary or she's just a terrible communicator because if the exact same thing said from another phone number convinces him, I'm not quite sure.
24:28
SPEAKER_06: How come he can't get it the first time?
24:30
SPEAKER_06: I don't know if it's him or if it's her.
24:33
SPEAKER_08: Well, guess what?
24:34
SPEAKER_08: 80% of what she's communicating is through body language, though.
24:37
SPEAKER_08: It's not necessarily the words that are coming, but what's the what is the face saying?
24:41
SPEAKER_08: What is the breathing saying?
24:43
SPEAKER_08: What is the space between us saying?
24:45
SPEAKER_08: What's the volume saying?
24:46
SPEAKER_08: So my guess is there is something about her presentation of the argument that really caused him to put the shield up.
24:53
SPEAKER_08: Right.
24:54
SPEAKER_06: And wouldn't it be easier?
24:56
SPEAKER_06: Just just just work with me here for a second.
24:59
SPEAKER_06: Wouldn't it be easier?
25:02
SPEAKER_06: To adjust your tone as opposed to making face phone fake phone numbers from your sister and making fake calls.
25:11
SPEAKER_06: I mean, it would would that not be.
25:15
SPEAKER_08: There you go again, trying to making all this sense.
25:19
SPEAKER_08: I mean, come on.
25:20
SPEAKER_08: That's just that's not where we are anymore these days.
25:23
SPEAKER_08: We want to win at all costs, and then we want to post it, and then we want social proof that we were right.
25:30
SPEAKER_06: And that's what she's doing.
25:32
SPEAKER_06: That's exactly what she's doing.
25:33
SPEAKER_06: Social proof that she's right.
25:35
SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
25:35
SPEAKER_06: Right.
25:36
SPEAKER_06: And then using technology again in a way that separates us instead of brings us together, you know what I mean?
25:42
SPEAKER_06: Instead of let's just sit down till we understand this conversation we're having, this discussion, this argument.
25:49
SPEAKER_06: But no, I'm going to use technology to worm my way around the back of the thing and never, you know, face it front to front.
25:57
SPEAKER_06: And you know, and there's value in that.
26:00
SPEAKER_08: You said something brilliant that seems like it never occurred to her, right?
26:04
SPEAKER_08: At all the point where she's pretending to be another more rational woman, at no point in those rational discussions that the mystery sister that the magical sister had, at no point in her did it occur to, hmm, I wonder, well, I wonder if I should try that.
26:26
SPEAKER_06: That never occurred to her.
26:27
SPEAKER_06: No, I'm just saying, you know, it just it was more fun for her to do what she did and sit down and do the mature thing and and say, let me present it to him correctly because I know if it's presented correctly, he will listen because I do it all of the time.
26:43
SPEAKER_06: I just want to do as somebody else.
26:48
SPEAKER_08: Now, does I got a I got a very serious question for her boyfriend, for her dude.
26:54
SPEAKER_08: I mean, does he think her sister was a drug dealer because she's always calling from a different burner phone?
27:01
SPEAKER_06: And why does he listen to the sister?
27:03
SPEAKER_06: And why is the sister calling every time?
27:05
SPEAKER_06: And is there no pattern beginning to to develop for you there?
27:10
SPEAKER_06: I mean, if he didn't go ahead.
27:18
SPEAKER_08: Right.
27:19
SPEAKER_06: Where Lucy would put the football out.
27:23
SPEAKER_06: He'd run to kick it and she'd move it every single time.
27:28
SPEAKER_08: My man has fallen for the okie doke every single time.
27:32
SPEAKER_08: I wonder if it never occurred to him.
27:34
SPEAKER_08: Hmm, they're they're sisters, but they are two very different people.
27:39
SPEAKER_06: What is going on, man?
27:42
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, I you know, I think she's just having a good time with it, though.
27:46
SPEAKER_06: At the end of the day, she had she had some fun with it.
27:50
SPEAKER_08: It wasn't toxic like um like the toxic stuff we've we've heard earlier today.
27:56
SPEAKER_08: It wasn't quite that.
27:57
SPEAKER_08: She was having some fun with it.
27:59
SPEAKER_08: But again, at some point, the joke becomes not funny.
28:04
SPEAKER_08: You know?
28:04
SPEAKER_08: It's yeah, after you've heard the different version of the joke 10 different times, at some point you gotta say yourself, hey, you know, maybe this is just not my guy.
28:12
SPEAKER_07: You know?
28:12
SPEAKER_08: Right.
28:13
SPEAKER_06: And you know, as you say, the the the value in having a dumb guy.
28:16
SPEAKER_06: Well, if you think he's dumb, what are you doing?
28:18
SPEAKER_08: Right.
28:19
SPEAKER_08: What is it about you that makes you think you deserve a dumb guy?
28:22
SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
28:23
SPEAKER_06: Because you picked him.
28:24
SPEAKER_06: You picked, yeah.
28:25
SPEAKER_06: And you obviously want to keep him because you're you're going through a lot of hoops in order to win arguments with him.
28:31
SPEAKER_06: So right, right.
28:33
SPEAKER_06: I uh yeah, judgment call for the guy that doesn't hasn't figured it out yet.
28:39
SPEAKER_08: Judgment call for the burner phone, man.
28:41
SPEAKER_08: It saved it, it extended the life of that relationship.
28:48
SPEAKER_06: Definitely not for her.
28:53
SPEAKER_03: Judgment call.
28:55
SPEAKER_01: Am I the asshole for photoshopping my boyfriend's ex out of pictures while he was at work?
29:02
SPEAKER_01: My 27 female boyfriend, 36 male of one year was married in his early 20s and has two kids with his ex.
29:12
SPEAKER_01: He has three family pictures in the house that have her in the pictures.
29:16
SPEAKER_01: In one, it's her with the kids in the middle of the two of them.
29:22
SPEAKER_01: In another, it's him with the kids and her off to the right, sort of in the background.
29:28
SPEAKER_01: In the third, it's him and her together with the two kids and Mickey Mouse.
29:34
SPEAKER_01: She has been awful to me, and I hate seeing her face.
29:39
SPEAKER_01: I've asked him to take the pictures down several times, but he says there's special memories with the kids.
29:46
SPEAKER_01: Well, yesterday I had enough.
29:49
SPEAKER_01: I used a scanning app on my phone to scan the photos and paid someone to remove her from all the pictures.
29:57
SPEAKER_01: All three of the photos look professionally done.
30:00
SPEAKER_01: It's the same photos, just without her.
30:03
SPEAKER_01: I then went to Walmart and had them print new pictures in the same size.
30:08
SPEAKER_01: I put them in the frames, then I put the originals in a desk drawer.
30:13
SPEAKER_01: When my boyfriend came home, I asked him if he noticed anything different.
30:17
SPEAKER_01: He didn't, which is what I suspected.
30:20
SPEAKER_01: The photos look great and still have him and the kids in them.
30:23
SPEAKER_01: I pointed at one of the pictures and he got livid, telling me I was being a jealous Nancy.
30:30
SPEAKER_01: I admit I laughed because what is a jealous Nancy?
30:35
SPEAKER_01: Well, the laughing really set him off.
30:38
SPEAKER_01: He asked me for the originals back and said that he was gonna put them back up and gave me an ultimatum to either accept his past relationship or move on.
30:49
SPEAKER_01: I said, I guess you don't want me to be a jealous Nancy.
30:53
SPEAKER_01: And he said no.
30:55
SPEAKER_01: I laughed again and he asked me to leave.
30:58
SPEAKER_01: I've not heard from him since, but expect him to get over it.
31:04
SPEAKER_01: Really, this woman has been terrible to me.
31:07
SPEAKER_01: I'm not gonna get started on it, but she's been cruel to me to the point of him breaking contact with her, except by text to talk about the kids.
31:16
SPEAKER_01: I think I have every right not to want to see her face.
31:20
SPEAKER_01: One of these pictures is in his bedroom, even maybe I should just get over it.
31:25
SPEAKER_01: I felt like I was doing him a favor because at least I didn't want to cut her out, which was my original plan.
31:33
SPEAKER_01: Am I the asshole?
31:36
SPEAKER_06: Please, Judge, please.
31:38
SPEAKER_06: Here's my vision.
31:40
SPEAKER_06: Little Johnny comes walking in with little Susie and says, Where'd mommy go?
31:46
SPEAKER_06: Did mommy disappear?
31:48
SPEAKER_06: This was a picture of an entire family in this man's house where this man's kids live.
31:54
SPEAKER_06: How are you gonna go in somebody else's house, take their stuff, erase the mother out of it, and have them kids come home to see that?
32:03
SPEAKER_06: And I know she doesn't want to see those that picture.
32:06
SPEAKER_06: First of all, her status is limited.
32:09
SPEAKER_06: One year, I don't want to hear but so much from you.
32:13
SPEAKER_06: You know, because I had a whole life before, and you're not one year in, you're not in a position to alter that.
32:21
SPEAKER_06: And and two, you don't touch other, just like with the wedding dress.
32:26
SPEAKER_06: How you gonna touch other people's stuff and and destroy it, move it, change it without their permission.
32:33
SPEAKER_06: And it was a group family photo of good times.
32:37
SPEAKER_06: And I think woo, I think she shouldn't have done it.
32:42
SPEAKER_08: I think what you're not gonna do is come into my house and change my furniture and just listen, just because somebody is now turning to you to be in a new relationship, it doesn't mean I have to turn away from a large part of who I used to be and who I was.
32:58
SPEAKER_08: She tricked us in the first part of that sentence.
33:01
SPEAKER_08: She said, his ex, she needs to tell the whole sentence, finish the whole story.
33:05
SPEAKER_08: It is his ex-wife and the mother of his children.
33:09
SPEAKER_08: That is an entirely different scenario that you don't get to come in and erase after 12 months.
33:14
SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
33:15
SPEAKER_06: And also, he's also shown some dedication to her because she did say that she was so awful that he wouldn't allow any more communication except by text with regard to the children.
33:26
SPEAKER_06: To me, that is a huge concession.
33:29
SPEAKER_06: That is something that he did in order to make her feel better and and and not feel as as as taken advantage of or hurt by the ex.
33:38
SPEAKER_06: But but for her to take those pictures down and and and to remove them, I just whoo crosses the line.
33:44
SPEAKER_08: I don't know if she's a jealous Nancy, but she's sure as shit's a selfish Nancy.
33:47
SPEAKER_08: Yes, because in this diatribe, she must have used the word me or I at least 15 times.
33:54
SPEAKER_08: It's all about me and how she makes me feel about me.
33:57
SPEAKER_08: And it's all about I and how I felt when I saw her picture, and how I feel every time I have to think about you having happy times with someone who wasn't me.
34:07
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, yeah.
34:07
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, no, you can't do that.
34:09
SPEAKER_06: It's not right, it's not right to the kids.
34:11
SPEAKER_06: And if it is difficult for you to see and she was awful to you, I can get that.
34:16
SPEAKER_06: And maybe you can discuss placement of pictures or something like that, but you don't you don't take it upon yourself to destroy other people's stuff.
34:23
SPEAKER_06: And if it's that it's if it's that detrimental, roll.
34:27
SPEAKER_08: And you don't have the right to block the good memories that my kids have of us as a one-time nuclear family.
34:34
SPEAKER_08: You can't, you do not have the right to come in and do that.
34:37
SPEAKER_08: And like you said, just to your point, she's gotta have look in the mirror and have an honest conversation with herself.
34:43
SPEAKER_08: Maybe dating a guy with children and an ex-wife doesn't work for you.
34:48
SPEAKER_08: Right.
34:48
SPEAKER_08: Maybe it doesn't, right?
34:49
SPEAKER_08: Maybe you need a guy who's totally solo, no prior, you know, no previous engagements, no ex-wives, no children, and maybe you can start fresh, and maybe you can, maybe you can wrap your head around that.
35:00
SPEAKER_08: But something tells me that this jealous Nancy might continue to have the same problem.
35:08
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, yeah.
35:08
SPEAKER_06: It's not like he's ignoring her feelings altogether, but he has a right to draw that line.
35:13
SPEAKER_06: And if she don't like it, move on.
35:16
SPEAKER_08: And kudos to him for having the wherewithal to say, hey, you know what?
35:20
SPEAKER_08: I I understand what you're saying, but I gotta tell you, those pictures are special to me because they represent a time where I was really happy with my life and with my family.
35:29
SPEAKER_08: Right.
35:30
SPEAKER_08: Right.
35:30
SPEAKER_08: And I and I'm allowed to hold on to that even as I know that chapter of my life has officially closed.
35:37
SPEAKER_06: And the children have a right to hold on to that too.
35:40
SPEAKER_06: That's right.
35:40
SPEAKER_06: That's right.
35:41
SPEAKER_06: They do.
35:42
SPEAKER_06: They do.
35:42
SPEAKER_06: So uh let me ask you this.
35:44
SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
35:46
SPEAKER_06: Is jealous Nancy a thing?
35:47
SPEAKER_06: I never heard that term.
35:48
SPEAKER_06: I never heard it either.
35:49
SPEAKER_06: It might have been some me made up.
35:51
SPEAKER_06: That's which is which is why she laughed at it.
35:54
SPEAKER_06: We can use it from now on, uh jealous Nancy.
35:59
SPEAKER_06: Judgment's just in favor of the husband.
36:04
SPEAKER_08: Yeah, for sure.
36:06
SPEAKER_08: Yeah, you gotta be uh again, you know, you just at some point, at some point, somebody's gotta be the emotional leader in the room and say, hey, this is this is this is what we're gonna do.
36:15
SPEAKER_08: This is the line we can't cross.
36:16
SPEAKER_08: Come on.
36:17
SPEAKER_08: Dr.
36:17
SPEAKER_08: Ish, what did we learn today?
36:20
SPEAKER_08: Well, we learned that boundaries, uh, unless you're on the highway, boundaries are really, really hard to not cross.
36:29
SPEAKER_08: Because it's personal.
36:30
SPEAKER_08: We all suffer from that never not never we all suffer from that disease of not enough, right?
36:37
SPEAKER_08: Not enough.
36:38
SPEAKER_08: And nothing triggers you more about your value than presenting yourself to someone and asking them to love you.
36:45
SPEAKER_06: Right.
36:46
SPEAKER_06: Absolutely.
36:46
SPEAKER_06: And the other thing we learned today is keep your hands to yourself.
36:50
SPEAKER_06: Don't be touching other people's property and doing stuff to it.
36:54
SPEAKER_06: You know, it's just I don't care how good how much you feel about it, keep your hands to yourself.
37:01
SPEAKER_08: Yeah, it's um it's one of those, it's one of those Eastern philosophies.
37:07
SPEAKER_08: You know, my mom would always say, son, what's for you will never miss you, and what's misses you was never meant for you.
37:13
SPEAKER_08: Never for you.
37:14
SPEAKER_06: Very good.
37:15
SPEAKER_06: You know, yeah.
37:16
SPEAKER_08: And we and you've got to accept now, and personally, I I received that immediately when she told me in every area of my life, except when it came to dating.
37:27
SPEAKER_08: Of course not.
37:28
SPEAKER_08: Right?
37:28
SPEAKER_08: But I was because it's because it feels different.
37:31
SPEAKER_08: We feel like we want it so bad.
37:34
SPEAKER_08: And it's such a rejection, it's such a whole load to carry.
37:37
SPEAKER_08: But if we can figure out a way that that goes for people, places, things, jobs, all those things that, hey, right, this is they this person's here for a season for a reason to teach you some things, and then on the other side of that, see who you are and how you show up a little bit differently.
37:52
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, yeah.
37:53
SPEAKER_06: Divorce court, like the women was like life or death.
37:55
SPEAKER_06: I gotta keep him.
37:56
SPEAKER_06: He makes me unhappy.
37:57
SPEAKER_06: I'm on, you know, I'm crying all the time.
37:59
SPEAKER_06: He's always cheating, but I gotta keep him, Judge.
38:01
SPEAKER_06: I gotta keep him.
38:04
SPEAKER_06: You're wetting yourself to to certain unhappiness, and you gotta step back and say, hey, wait a minute, what is that I'm trying to keep?
38:12
SPEAKER_08: Did you ever find anything that would pierce that veil for them in divorce court?
38:17
SPEAKER_06: Sometimes, if I repeat, I would write down everything that he did, and I said, now this is what you want to continue to do for the rest of your life.
38:25
SPEAKER_06: Sometimes you would see a light bulb moment, but I imagine that bulb went out about you know five hours after they left me.
38:31
SPEAKER_06: So I I don't think those thoughts last long.
38:36
SPEAKER_06: But um, anyway, uh thanks for another uh day, judgment call.
38:42
SPEAKER_06: If you guys have a question for us, please drop them, drop us a message at judgment.call.podcast on Instagram, and we will try to give it an answer and give you our judgment call.
38:54
SPEAKER_08: And now, Judge, uh also, we are we are actively looking for folks to come on the show and share some stories with us.
39:01
SPEAKER_06: So true, very true.
39:02
SPEAKER_06: We are looking for people who want to come.
39:04
SPEAKER_06: You got two people or a couple people who've got an issue, want to resolve it, want to come to us to get our opinion on it.
39:12
SPEAKER_06: Come do it.
39:13
SPEAKER_06: Let us know.
39:14
SPEAKER_02: She's seen it all from the bench.
39:16
SPEAKER_02: He's helped couples through it all.
39:19
SPEAKER_02: Now they're making the call on the internet's biggest relationship debates.
39:24
SPEAKER_02: Real relationships, real reactions, real talk.
39:29
SPEAKER_02: This is Judgment Call.