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EP 83 Being Intentional to Find Community in Family - Carmen Anderson · iRefresh Podcast

• 0:00
  Again, I think it's that being intentional, finding those right people in your life that bring you joy and build you up. And we've talked about that this weekend is like those people that kind of like can suck the life out of you. Welcome to iRefresh, where we talk about the power of prayer in God's Word.
• 0:22
  Welcome to another episode of iRefresh, and I have a special friend and also my cousin, Carmen Anderson. Nice to be here. So glad you're with me. And it's been great because we have been able to have like a little family reunion. Yes. And reminisce, and you know, we have amazing families, but what I wanted you to just share what God has been doing in your life and what you wanted to share related to family, but also just what God's put on your heart. Yes.
• 0:52
  We've had a great time. It has been a few years. Our moms were sisters and we just don't always, we get so busy in our life that we don't do this enough. And it's been great to be able to catch up and to be able to spend time together and find out what God is doing in each of our lives and our
• 1:14
  we need to try to do this more often to pull our families together. We are spread out all across the country. There's many that can't be here this weekend. And so it's such a love. I mean, I have a great immediate family where I live in Arizona and
• 1:38
  I love spending time with them. Right. And, you know, we might not always get along and there's always chaos and that sort of thing, but that's what family is, is just that getting to spend time together and love on each other and support each other and to be there for each other. Because there are some people that don't have that support. Right. Or don't get along with their family or whatever.
• 2:04
  Right. Well, the division. Yeah. And I think you and I, we've seen that. Yes, sometimes with family and all that happens, there's good and bad. And I know that everybody's been in a season where we've been around more family and maybe there's been more times where it feels like there's more friction, but yet the friction's not a bad thing. No. No, Scripture says iron sharpens iron. I'm like, some are just getting sharpened a little bit. Right, right. But I love that you say how important that is.
• 2:33
  You know, in your life. Yeah. It's been very important. That's one of the reasons why I moved back across the country some many years ago, to be close to family, to be able to spend time with them. And we even got to where we all live in the same town and we were so busy. We're like, we never see each other. Wow.
• 2:50
  It's like what? And so we implemented a family night, once a month, a game night and get together and have dinner together, play games. We did it for a while, got away from it. Now we're getting back to it because we just sometimes get so busy in our lives that we don't take time for those that we love and are going to always be there for us and we
• 3:14
  We need to make sure, and like you said, it's not always easy. Sometimes there's friction, but we need to also remember, like my sister-in-law says, is like sometimes we have to have those hard conversations so that you don't,
• 3:28
  Just brush everything under the rug. Right. Some of those conversations have to be so that you can move past them and grow. Right. Because I think that's... Yeah, and get their healing. Yes. Healing, growth. Forgiveness. Because if we're staying in one place, it becomes kind of stagnant. Right.
• 3:46
  You know, I think it's the great thing is, too, every time when we do have those chances to get together, it's like new discoveries. And I love the takeaway I have. But sometimes I'm almost like, I feel guilty, though. I'm like, why have I not made more effort to do that? And I feel bad. And yet you're right. It's like, how do you have to get a pause and, like, prioritize that community of our own families? Right.
• 4:10
  which, you know, we can allow, like, little things to fester and cause us to have that separation. But I think, you know, sometimes we don't like, we don't know what happens, you know. But, you know, we've lost loved ones this year, another one of our family members, suddenly. And it was very shocking to us.
• 4:26
  But I think when you and I, we both, we've lost our mothers, and it does change your perspective. It does. And it helps you to understand, okay, what I'm missing now and what I don't want to lose from here on out. Right, right. It makes family very important to you, I think, when you start realizing you lose those, and especially somebody when you lose one very suddenly. And unfortunately, it's been years since...
• 4:52
  Since I'd seen them. Right. And so it really breaks my heart that we hadn't seen each other soon, you know, more recent so that there could be those memories and those, you know, those times of stories and just memories. Yes. You know, so.
• 5:09
  I like that. Yeah. And I love, like, because, you know, like you said, you have a pretty good-sized family. Yes. You know, and you have twin brothers. Yes. And I love how you've all united. And there's a part, like, and my sister, you know, is far away. And there's that you have to make an incredible amount of effort, even from a distance. But I'm grateful that as we get a little bit older, we start to rearrange our priorities. Yes.
• 5:38
  And find to be intentional. And I'm liking that, too, is even we reaching out to other cousins, even in time of their grief when we lost our uncle this year, it's really helped us to, like, how can we love and support you all? And, you know, I want to continue to do that. But I love that we're able to make new memories.
• 6:01
  and find, like, oh, as we get older, you know, it's like, you know, Alan, I happen to, he's a Snoopy lover. And so, I'm sorry I had to say his name, but he's totally, since he was a little kid, he likes Snoopys. So when my son and I were at the Kennedy Space Center looking for, you know, watching this launch, all of a sudden there was a Snoopy that was there in the store, and we had to get that for him. But those are like memories from the past that we were able to bring together, and we all had a chuckle. Mm-hmm.
• 6:31
  And the fact that he loved it, and we won't say how old he is, you know. Yeah, exactly. So, yeah, just those little things that, you know, can continue on. But I think you said the word intentional. And it's, intentional is always, it's been a word that, you know, you're told that you should pick a word for the year. Yes. And many times I've picked that one, and somehow by the end of the year it doesn't quite happen. Oops.
• 7:01
  Sometimes that happens, but sometimes God gives me a different word, but I think it's the intentional. You have to be intentional with whether your distance, the distance between you and your sister, the distance between the rest of our family, or even when we're, we all live in the same town and we actually all live within about 15 minutes, 10 minutes of each other. Okay. But there are times that you just become so busy in your life that you really have to stop and be intentional.
• 7:30
  to spend time with your family, your friends, those people that are important to you. And I think we don't always do that. So the value, how do you feel like that, though, your family, how has it helped your family and it helped you?
• 7:46
  in your own, in your, is it helping you to grow like versus like, you know, cause you have to, you make friends, you know, you, you spend time with friends, then you spend time with family. How has that strengthened your life? Whether it's like spiritually or just, just that community that it makes you feel closer together?
• 8:06
  It's the community. I mean, it's a little of both. The community, knowing I always have somebody there in my corner, knowing that my family is always, I can go to them at any time. I know that I can pick up the phone, whether it's, you know, late at night, it might take them a while to answer the phone, but they'll answer eventually. But so, but they
• 8:29
  it's that unconditional love, you know? Yes, there might be friction occasionally, but it's like knowing that eventually we're going to all come back around and just having that support. Um, and I know, I feel very blessed because I know not everybody has that or feels that with their family. And so, and I feel very blessed that I was raised in a Christian home and with
• 8:55
  starting with our grandparents, you know? So that was always a very strong path through our lives. We have a good heritage in that. We do, we do. And so I feel like that has helped in my life because I know where to turn when things are difficult, when there's tough times or sad times, grief,
• 9:20
  I know where to turn. Not only my family, but I turn to the Lord because I have that, I've had that guidance and I've had that example throughout my life to know that that's where I need to turn and that's where my faith and my strength comes from.
• 9:35
  Thank you so much for watching this episode of iRefresh. If you haven't already, make sure you hit the bell at the bottom of this video. Also, if you need a prayer need, we would love to hear from you. Please email us at info at iRefresh.net. Also, check out our website that has teaching, devotions, and scripture to pray about many topics.
• 9:56
  You know, and you're right. Life in a family, it's got some really bad times. And yet in those bad times, you can see God's goodness over later on, you know, when we all have gone through challenges. Because I know...
• 10:12
  Both of us as our mothers both had some definite health issues, which is walking and seeing both of them go through the struggles they did and to lose our godly, praying, happy mothers.
• 10:30
  you know, that loss is like, I know that you can relate to me. And there's times I will remember like, oh, this was the anniversary, you know, and there's just moments I'm like, even if we were not together a lot, there's still parts of me that there's like something I felt very deep, that I'm so grateful of that connection that we all have. Right. You know, I desire like, okay, that would be the thing, would be great to reunite
• 10:57
  the family, and just that time where you can enjoy each other and kind of rediscover. Yes. Yes, definitely rediscover because it has been so long. And just we've each had our lives and paths and be able to bring it back together and reconnect.
• 11:13
  So how do you do to you talk about intentionality? So tell us even to think your background. What do you do for a living? I am a I own my own business. I am a bookkeeper or accountant to some people. I prepare everything up to the taxes and I let somebody else take that that part of it. Yeah. So you had to be very organized.
• 11:34
  I am very organized for my clients. Some areas of my life are not so organized, but yes, I am very organized in that area, yes. But that's where, because I wanted to bring that up too, because really you have that niche, that ability to put things into order in place for like your clients to bring that order and bring some peace actually. Yes. So knowing you have it all set for them to be prepared and to return to all their returns and all that. But...
• 12:01
  You are intentional. You're always good. I know you're such a hard, diligent person. And as we've even talked about that, of how you, what you do to make sure that you take care of the customers you have. But I like that because what you do in your family and spending that time with them, but I know you do that in all areas of your life.
• 12:20
  And then none of us are perfect. Right. But I love, as I've been listening to you, I'm like, I see a characteristic that you have. And you're always peaceful. Like, that's one thing I've always seen in you is that you carry peace with you, that peace of God. Like, everything, like you said, like you're in a family, like there is lots of children in the family. And yet, when you're there, you're calming. Right.
• 12:45
  And I love that. You carry that calming, peaceful mode. That's beautiful. Thank you. I don't always feel it, but thank you. You project it. Thank you. So what would you like for people to know as a takeaway to encourage other people, whether they have a family unit or just that needing of a community, what would you tell them what they could do and encourage them? Yeah.
• 13:11
  To find that if you don't have a strong family connection, then find those friends that can be that family. Have them be your chosen family. That's good. You know, all of my nieces and nephews are adopted, and I feel like God handpicked every single one of them to be a part of our family.
• 13:32
  And so go find, pray and ask God where you can find that family that can help support you. If you are not fortunate to have that biological family, they'd be able to do it.
• 13:47
  then find somebody that can step in and be that person. Because very likely, they need that as well. They need that person in their life, just like you need that person in your life. So again, I think it's that being intentional, finding those right people in your life that bring you joy and build you up. And we've talked about that this weekend, those people that can suck the life out of you.
• 14:17
  You know, they need love too. I'm not saying that they don't, but those are, you need to surround your people with that. Don't do that. Right. And sometimes it is family that does that. You know, I just recently met someone, a lady that she doesn't have that relationship. And she said, I had to build those boundaries of around, I still love my family, but I still
• 14:39
  But I had to build those boundaries. And so she's chosen other people to be that support for her because her family just at this time cannot because of the, she calls it a toxic, you know, that toxic relationship. And you have to be careful with that. And so I think just find those people and have your chosen family. It could be biological. It could be, but there's still your chosen family.
• 15:07
  A lot of times you can find that in the church. Absolutely. And, you know, I think that's where it's finding the opportunity in small groups, however, Bible studies in different groups. Because I know you were talking about you're in a Bible study group as well. I am. There's a group of us ladies that used to be in business together in a drug sales company. And we...
• 15:26
  kind of had all gone our different ways and we've recently come back together. This is our second Bible study and we are doing, um, uh, armor of God, um, and by Priscilla Shire and absolutely is just, and we're a very diverse group of women that we're, um,
• 15:44
  Some are empty nesters to moms with toddlers, you know, or some of us that have never had children. So I'm like, we come from all aspects. And so we are able to, I might not relate to somebody that has toddlers, but maybe there's something that I say or, you know, she says that encourages me or helps me through something that I happen to think of that day. You know, just...
• 16:12
  even though we're not in the same areas of our life right now, we can still be a support and a mentoring to each other.
• 16:18
  That's good. Well, you know, you mentioned that to me earlier, too, is when we've talked about if somebody comes to mind... Yes. Yes. It's probably got to drop that person on you. Prompting. God's prompting you, yes. And we do need to say yes to the prompting, because there is probably a reason for that. And we just need to be, now back to that intentional part of asking God, what does that look like? Is it a text?
• 16:44
  Is it a prayer? Is it a text? Is it a phone call? So many times people come to my mind, family, friends, acquaintance, somebody, and why did God bring that person to my mind? So like you said, being that intentional, again, that word coming back of being intentional and maybe first say a prayer and, okay, God, what am I supposed to do with this name?
• 17:13
  You know, am I supposed to be just praying? You know what the need is, or do I need to make a phone call? Do I need to make a text reaching out to that person? You just never know. That's so important. We just don't know what our text or our communications is with someone or that prayer. Right.
• 17:30
  Sometimes we may never know it, but it's how powerful it can be, those unspoken prayers that we don't know somebody had, and then yet we are that lifeline sometimes for someone else. That is so good. What a great reminder. And even if that name comes to you at 2 o'clock in the morning, I had a mentor, she told me, she says, Sometimes God...
• 17:48
  gives you a name at five o'clock or two o'clock in the morning. Yeah. And okay, God, what am I supposed to do this? And okay, maybe not call them or text them at two o'clock in the morning, but pray for them. That's really good. Yeah. I love that. Yeah. Yeah.
• 18:03
  Those are so good. You know, that's what we at I Refresh, we are about is the community of women encouraging women. And Carmen has definitely done that in her life, whether it's in the work or with her family. She definitely is one who embraces and enjoys the family and spends that time. And, you know, you do. You look past each other's like whatever for the greater good that comes out of it. Right. Absolutely.
• 18:29
  Well, thank you, Carmen, for sharing. Oh, you're welcome. Thanks for having me. And thank you for joining us. And be sure to share this with, is if you have a need about your family, you would love prayer for your family or your need in a community. Reach out to us. We would love to pray and encourage you and get you connected with someone who in our group that can encourage you.