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Why Wanting More Doesn't Make You a Bad Mom (It Actually Makes You Better) · Your Utmost Life

0:00
SPEAKER_00: I was sitting in my car outside the real estate office on a Tuesday, staring at the requirements for getting my real estate license.
0:08
SPEAKER_00: This was a dream that I had carried in my heart for over 15 years.
0:14
SPEAKER_00: My hands were literally shaking as I read through the coursework, not from nervousness, but from this electric feeling of, oh my gosh, I could finally do this.
0:25
SPEAKER_00: And then, like a wave of cold water, the guilt crashed over me.
0:30
SPEAKER_00: I was a woman who had carried this real estate dream through pregnancies, through moves, through every season of motherhood, always telling myself, someday, I had spent years convincing myself that being a wife and a mother should be enough, that wanting anything more meant that I was ungrateful, selfish, or somehow broken.
0:53
SPEAKER_00: I had trained myself to feel guilty every time that old dream resurfaced, as if wanting to help families find their perfect homes was somehow a betrayal of my own family.
1:06
SPEAKER_00: So I was sitting there and I was torn between the excitement of finally pursuing this 15-year dream and the crushing weight of shame.
1:15
SPEAKER_00: What kind of mother wants more than the beautiful life that I have?
1:19
SPEAKER_00: What kind of wife isn't satisfied with the blessings of her family?
1:24
SPEAKER_00: I closed the browser, I drove home, and I spent the next three hours making an elaborate dinner, as if perfect meatloaf would silence this voice in my heart that had been whispering real estate for a decade and a half.
1:37
SPEAKER_00: If you have ever felt guilty for wanting something beyond your role as a wife and a mom, if you have ever felt like having personal dreams somehow diminishes your love for your family, you're not alone.
1:50
SPEAKER_00: And what I'm about to share with you with you will completely change how you think about desire fulfillment and what it really means to love your family well.
2:00
SPEAKER_00: Because the belief that wanting more means that you're ungrateful for being a mom and a wife isn't just limiting you.
2:09
SPEAKER_00: It's actually robbing your family of the gift of your full potential.
2:13
SPEAKER_00: And by the end of today's episode, I pray and hope that you will understand that why wanting more doesn't make you a bad mom and wife, it actually makes you a better one.
2:25
SPEAKER_00: If you are tired of feeling like you don't know who you are anymore, and when you look in the mirror, you think, is this all there is?
2:32
SPEAKER_00: Welcome to your Most Life Podcast.
2:34
SPEAKER_00: My name is Misty Celle, and I help women step into their highest potential and design a life that they were meant to live, one that feels true, rich, and deeply satisfying.
2:43
SPEAKER_00: And this podcast is going to give you the principles and strategic tools to see true and lasting success in areas of health, relationships, confidence, goals, all the way to topics like growth, purpose, love, parenting, and more.
2:56
SPEAKER_00: This is the place you start the process of becoming your utmost self and living a life you love by design, not default.
3:04
SPEAKER_00: This is your Upmost Life Podcast.
3:06
SPEAKER_00: Welcome.
3:07
SPEAKER_00: Let me ask you: when you think to yourself, if I want more, it means being a wife and mother isn't fulfilling.
3:15
SPEAKER_00: What you're really saying is contentment equals settling, that good wives and mothers should find complete fulfillment in serving others, that personal dreams and family love are mutually exclusive.
3:30
SPEAKER_00: So let me ask you something else.
3:32
SPEAKER_00: Would you tell your daughter that once she becomes a wife and a mother, she should never want anything else for herself?
3:39
SPEAKER_00: No.
3:40
SPEAKER_00: Would you admire a mentor who says, I found my purpose 20 years ago, so I stopped developing myself, stopped learning new things, and decided that was enough forever?
3:50
SPEAKER_00: No.
3:52
SPEAKER_00: So why do you apply a different standard to yourself?
3:56
SPEAKER_00: Why do you believe that wanting growth, challenge, and fulfillment beyond your family roles somehow makes you a deficient wife and mother?
4:06
SPEAKER_00: Here's what I know about fulfillment.
4:08
SPEAKER_00: It's not a destination, it's a direction.
4:11
SPEAKER_00: And wanting more isn't a sign that you're ungrateful for what you have.
4:16
SPEAKER_00: It's a sign that you are alive, growing, and designed for expansion.
4:21
SPEAKER_00: The desire for wanting more isn't your enemy.
4:25
SPEAKER_00: It's your compass pointing you toward a full potential.
4:29
SPEAKER_00: We have been told by culture, well-meaning people, and sometimes even the church, that if we're looking for more beyond our roles as wives and mothers, it means that we're ungrateful, unfulfilled, or that somehow our family just isn't enough.
4:46
SPEAKER_00: And I get why we believe this.
4:48
SPEAKER_00: We have been raised in a culture that says a woman's highest calling is sacrifice, that our worth is measured by how much we give up for others.
4:57
SPEAKER_00: So when we feel that stirring inside for something more, of course that brings on guilt and self-doubt.
5:04
SPEAKER_00: But here's what I want you to consider.
5:07
SPEAKER_00: Do you see athletes that stop training once they make the Olympic team?
5:12
SPEAKER_00: No.
5:13
SPEAKER_00: Do you see artists quit creating after painting one beautiful piece?
5:19
SPEAKER_00: No.
5:20
SPEAKER_00: Do you see entrepreneurs close shop after their first dollar?
5:23
SPEAKER_00: No.
5:24
SPEAKER_00: So why do we believe that once we become these wives and these mothers, that our growth, our dreams, our expansion should suddenly stop?
5:33
SPEAKER_00: Why do we think that wanting to develop the gifts that God gave us somehow diminishes our love for our families?
5:40
SPEAKER_00: Because here's the truth.
5:41
SPEAKER_00: Where did this belief even come from?
5:44
SPEAKER_00: Show me in scripture where it says becoming a mother means that you stop becoming who God created you to be.
5:51
SPEAKER_00: Show me where it says that your gifts and callings expire once you say, I do, or hold your first baby.
5:59
SPEAKER_00: You can't because it's not there.
6:01
SPEAKER_00: So what if I told you the exact opposite is true?
6:07
SPEAKER_00: What if wanting more to grow, to expand, and to use your gifts is actually proof that you were designed for more than just maintaining?
6:19
SPEAKER_00: What if that yearning is your soul's way of telling you that you are a masterpiece created with purpose far beyond serving everyone else's dreams?
6:30
SPEAKER_00: Let me ask you, do you want to keep believing that wanting more makes you a bad wife and mother, feeling guilty every time that your heart stirs with possibility?
6:42
SPEAKER_00: Or are you ready to discover that wanting more might be the secret to becoming the woman, the wife, and the mother that you were truly created to be?
6:53
SPEAKER_00: Here's what I discovered in my own story.
6:55
SPEAKER_00: For years, I believed that if I was truly grateful for my husband and my children, that that should be enough.
7:03
SPEAKER_00: I told myself that wanting to write, wanting to build something, wanting to impact women beyond my own family, that those desires meant I was selfish, I was ungrateful, and I was even a bad mom.
7:18
SPEAKER_00: But you know what happened when I kept pushing those desires down?
7:22
SPEAKER_00: I became resentful.
7:24
SPEAKER_00: I became this hollow version of myself, just going through the motions.
7:29
SPEAKER_00: My husband got a wife who was physically present, but emotionally checked out.
7:34
SPEAKER_00: My children got a mom who was depleted, who snapped more often, who couldn't model what it looked like to live with purpose and passion.
7:43
SPEAKER_00: And here's the thing that broke my heart.
7:46
SPEAKER_00: My daughter was watching.
7:48
SPEAKER_00: She was learning that being a woman meant shrinking, that being a wife and a mother meant giving up every dream that made you alive.
7:57
SPEAKER_00: Can you believe this?
7:59
SPEAKER_00: I was teaching her to be small in the name of being a good woman.
8:05
SPEAKER_00: But when I finally gave myself permission to pursue more, when I started writing, building my business, using the gifts that God gave me, everything changed.
8:16
SPEAKER_00: You, you will not believe that I became a better wife because I was fulfilled and energized instead of depleted and resentful and becoming a better mother because I was modeling what it looked like to live with purpose and passion.
8:31
SPEAKER_00: My children started seeing that their dreams mattered, that God-given gifts were meant to be used, not buried.
8:39
SPEAKER_00: My husband got back the woman he fell in love with, the one who was excited about life, who brought energy and vision to our family.
8:48
SPEAKER_00: And here's the thing: wanting more doesn't mean your family isn't enough.
8:54
SPEAKER_00: It means that you are recognizing that God created you to be more than just a supporting character in everyone else's story.
9:02
SPEAKER_00: So what does this actually look like?
9:04
SPEAKER_00: How do you pursue more in a way that actually enhances your roles as a wife and a mother instead of competing with them?
9:12
SPEAKER_00: Well, first, you need to shift from either or thinking to both and thinking.
9:18
SPEAKER_00: It's not I can either be a good mom or pursue my dreams.
9:23
SPEAKER_00: It's I can be a good mother and pursue my dreams.
9:27
SPEAKER_00: In fact, the and is what makes you exceptional at both.
9:32
SPEAKER_00: When you were living in your purpose, when you are using your gifts, you are more energized, more joyful, more patient.
9:39
SPEAKER_00: You're modeling for your children what it looks like to live as God created you to live.
9:43
SPEAKER_00: Here's what I want you to understand.
9:45
SPEAKER_00: You cannot pour from an empty cup.
9:47
SPEAKER_00: We all know that.
9:49
SPEAKER_00: When you're constantly giving and never receiving, when you're constantly serving others' dreams and never nurturing your own, you become depleted.
9:57
SPEAKER_00: And depleted women make depleted wives and mothers.
10:01
SPEAKER_00: And when you're filled up, when you're operating in your gifts and your purpose, and when you're growing and expanding, you overflow.
10:09
SPEAKER_00: And your family gets the overflow, not the dredge.
10:12
SPEAKER_00: So let me ask, what legacy do you want to leave for your daughter?
10:17
SPEAKER_00: Do you want them to learn that being a good woman means shrinking, that their gifts don't matter as much as their ability to serve others?
10:25
SPEAKER_00: Or do you want them to see that they can be amazing, mom and wife?
10:31
SPEAKER_00: What about your son?
10:32
SPEAKER_00: Do you want them to marry women who give up on their dreams?
10:35
SPEAKER_00: Or do you want them to marry women who are alive with purpose and passion?
10:40
SPEAKER_00: When you are constantly giving without ever receiving, constantly managing without creating, constantly serving without filling, you start to disappear.
10:52
SPEAKER_00: And that is not what your family needs.
10:54
SPEAKER_00: They don't need a mom who's always available but never fully alive.
10:59
SPEAKER_00: They need a mom who's rooted, vibrant, and filled with purpose.
11:03
SPEAKER_00: So let's make this practical.
11:05
SPEAKER_00: Here are some gentle, real-world steps that you can start to reclaim that more.
11:12
SPEAKER_00: Let's identify what's been stirring inside of you.
11:15
SPEAKER_00: What is that thing that's been tugging at your heart?
11:18
SPEAKER_00: That idea that you keep brushing off, that part of you that whispers, maybe I was made for more than just this routine.
11:27
SPEAKER_00: Don't label it selfish.
11:29
SPEAKER_00: God doesn't plant purpose in us for decoration.
11:32
SPEAKER_00: That desire matters.
11:35
SPEAKER_00: The second thing is start small.
11:38
SPEAKER_00: You don't have to quit your job, leave your responsibilities, or launch a business tomorrow.
11:43
SPEAKER_00: Just begin.
11:44
SPEAKER_00: Start with 15 minutes of journaling, a weekly class, a walk where you listen to something that feeds your soul.
11:53
SPEAKER_00: Progress isn't about massive leaps, it's about consistent steps in the right direction.
12:00
SPEAKER_00: And third, reframe the guilt.
12:02
SPEAKER_00: When the I am being selfish question shows up, lovingly replace it with this.
12:08
SPEAKER_00: How can I use what's in me to serve well, to honor God, to bless others?
12:14
SPEAKER_00: Your calling doesn't compete with your family.
12:17
SPEAKER_00: It is complementary and even enriches how you serve them.
12:22
SPEAKER_00: The fourth thing is invite your family into the vision.
12:26
SPEAKER_00: Talk to your husband.
12:27
SPEAKER_00: Share the desire stirring inside you, not as a threat, but as an act of trust.
12:33
SPEAKER_00: Let your kids see that growth doesn't make you less loving.
12:36
SPEAKER_00: It makes you more alive.
12:38
SPEAKER_00: But here's the legacy that you're building.
12:40
SPEAKER_00: One where your children learn that love doesn't mean erasure, that purpose and family can coexist, that women can give and be whole.
12:51
SPEAKER_00: Listen, here's what I need you to understand.
12:54
SPEAKER_00: That desire for more isn't evidence that you're ungrateful or that your family isn't enough.
13:01
SPEAKER_00: It's evidence that you are a masterpiece created with inherent worth and purpose that extends beyond just maintaining everyone else's life.
13:12
SPEAKER_00: You were created to be more than just a supporting character in everyone else's story.
13:18
SPEAKER_00: You were created to be the architect of your own fulfilling life and an amazing mom and wife.
14:06
SPEAKER_00: These aren't competing identities, they're complementary ones.
14:11
SPEAKER_00: The woman who is alive with purpose and with passion, she makes a better wife than the woman who is depleted and resentful.
14:20
SPEAKER_00: The mother who models what it looks like to live in gifts makes a better mother than the one who teaches her children to be small.
14:29
SPEAKER_00: Your family doesn't need you to be smaller.
14:33
SPEAKER_00: They need you to be whole and alive.
14:37
SPEAKER_00: So here is your next step.
14:39
SPEAKER_00: Stop apologizing for wanting more.
14:42
SPEAKER_00: Start recognizing that this desire is part of how God designed you.
14:48
SPEAKER_00: You are not broken for wanting to grow and expand.
14:51
SPEAKER_00: You are buried under the belief that being a good mom and a good wife means being small.
14:58
SPEAKER_00: I believe with all my heart that a woman who honors her desire for more becomes a better wife and a mother, not worse.
15:05
SPEAKER_00: When you are growing and you are learning and you're pursuing things that light you up, you bring energy, excitement, and inspiration to your family.
15:13
SPEAKER_00: When you're stagnant and suppressing your dreams, you bring resentment, exhaustion, and emptiness.
15:20
SPEAKER_00: Your family doesn't need you to sacrifice your potential on the altar of their comfort.
15:25
SPEAKER_00: They need you to model what it looks like when someone honors their full design.
15:29
SPEAKER_00: They need to see what happens when a woman includes herself in her own life.
15:34
SPEAKER_00: And here's the thing: when you pursue your more, you're not taking anything away from your family.
15:41
SPEAKER_00: You're adding to it.
15:43
SPEAKER_00: You are bringing a more fulfilled, energized, passionate version of yourself to the table.
15:49
SPEAKER_00: You are showing your children what it looks like to honor their design.
15:53
SPEAKER_00: You're demonstrating to your spouse what it means to continue growing together.
15:58
SPEAKER_00: The guilt that you feel about wanting more, that's not your intuition telling you that you are wrong.
16:05
SPEAKER_00: That's programming telling you to stay small.
16:08
SPEAKER_00: But staying small doesn't serve anyone.
16:12
SPEAKER_00: Not you, not your family, not the world that needs what you have to offer.
16:18
SPEAKER_00: Your desire for more is sacred.
16:21
SPEAKER_00: It's pointing you towards your purpose, your gifts, your contribution.
16:26
SPEAKER_00: And the world needs mothers who are fully alive, fully expressed, and fully committed to becoming who they were created to be.
16:34
SPEAKER_00: If you are ready to stop feeling guilty about wanting more and start understanding that desire as your pathway to becoming a better wife and a mother, here's exactly what to do.
16:45
SPEAKER_00: First, you need to recognize the guilt about more.
16:49
SPEAKER_00: So you'll know if you're stuck in this pattern when you're postponing your personal goals because they felt selfish.
16:56
SPEAKER_00: You feel guilty when you get excited about opportunities that aren't family related.
17:02
SPEAKER_00: You haven't learned something new for yourself in what, two, 10, 20 years?
17:07
SPEAKER_00: You apologize when you talk about your dreams as if having them is wrong.
17:12
SPEAKER_00: You say things like, I should be satisfied with this beautiful life.
17:16
SPEAKER_00: You've convinced yourself that contentment means never wanting to grow or change.
17:23
SPEAKER_00: Can you see yourself in any of these?
17:26
SPEAKER_00: This isn't contentment.
17:28
SPEAKER_00: This is suppression disguised as gratitude.
17:31
SPEAKER_00: The second piece is understanding what holistic integration actually looks like.
17:37
SPEAKER_00: So what does that actually even mean?
17:39
SPEAKER_00: What it means is you do not have to compartmentalize yourself.
17:43
SPEAKER_00: You don't have to be a wife and mother in one box and an individual woman in another.
17:49
SPEAKER_00: You get to be a whole person who happens to be a mom and a wife, not a wife and a mom who used to be a person.
17:56
SPEAKER_00: Think about it this way: when you board an airplane, they tell you to put your oxygen mask on first.
18:03
SPEAKER_00: Not because you don't love your family, but because you can't serve from emptiness.
18:08
SPEAKER_00: Your dreams, your growth, your more, that's your oxygen tank.
18:14
SPEAKER_00: And it keeps you alive.
18:16
SPEAKER_00: It keeps you energized, and it keeps you able to give from abundance instead of depletion.
18:22
SPEAKER_00: The third thing is start including your dreams in your life design.
18:27
SPEAKER_00: This isn't about overhauling your entire life overnight.
18:30
SPEAKER_00: It's about stopping the false choice between family and personal fulfillment.
18:35
SPEAKER_00: So I want you to audit your postponed dreams.
18:38
SPEAKER_00: I want you to write down what you've been putting on hold until the kids are older or when life settles down or what you have been waiting for for the last five years.
18:49
SPEAKER_00: I want you to schedule a dream time.
18:52
SPEAKER_00: Block out time weekly for something that's just for you, not family related, not house-related, not service-related, something that feeds your individual soul.
19:03
SPEAKER_00: And I understand time crunches.
19:07
SPEAKER_00: I get it.
19:08
SPEAKER_00: But need to start out, just start out small.
19:10
SPEAKER_00: Start out with five minutes.
19:12
SPEAKER_00: Just take time for yourself.
19:15
SPEAKER_00: Next, I want you to stop apologizing for your dreams.
19:18
SPEAKER_00: Start practice talking about your dreams without this disclaimer like, it's probably silly, but, or I should know that I'm, I should be grateful for what I have.
19:30
SPEAKER_00: However, you know, that fumbling through because you feel so guilty for talking about this dream, this goal, this desire that you have.
19:39
SPEAKER_00: I want you to include yourself in future planning.
19:42
SPEAKER_00: When you think about next year, five years from now, include your personal goals, not just your family milestones.
19:50
SPEAKER_00: And reframe more as growth.
19:52
SPEAKER_00: Instead of feeling guilty about wanting more, celebrate it as evidence that you are designed for expansion.
19:58
SPEAKER_00: And last but not least, change your internal dialogue.
20:03
SPEAKER_00: Instead of wanting more means I'm ungrateful for my family, try wanting more means I am honoring my full design, which makes me a better wife and a better mother.
20:16
SPEAKER_00: Instead of I should be satisfied with being a mom and a wife, try something like being a mom and a wife is part of who I am, not the limit of who I am.
20:27
SPEAKER_00: Instead of my dreams are selfish, try saying my dreams are sacred, and pursuing them models growth for my families.
20:37
SPEAKER_00: Recognizing that your desire for more isn't a character.
20:40
SPEAKER_00: Flaw.
20:40
SPEAKER_00: It's evidence of your design.
20:42
SPEAKER_00: Understand that you are not broken for wanting growth.
20:46
SPEAKER_00: You are buried under the lie that good wives and mothers stop evolving.
20:50
SPEAKER_00: Reconstructing your beliefs about what fulfillment looks like, replacing the lie that contentment means settling with truth, that fulfillment includes continuous growth and expansion.
21:01
SPEAKER_00: And then implementing daily systems that honor both your family responsibilities and your personal growth.
21:08
SPEAKER_00: Creating a life where wanting more enhances your ability to love and serve rather than competing with it.
21:15
SPEAKER_00: Hear me when I say you are simultaneously a wife, a mother, and an individual woman with unique gifts and talents.
21:25
SPEAKER_00: Your personal growth time enhances your family time rather than competing with it.
21:29
SPEAKER_00: And pursuing your more energizes you for your family roles rather than depleting you.
21:35
SPEAKER_00: Your personal purpose and family purpose work together, not against each other.
21:40
SPEAKER_00: Here's the deal: wanting more doesn't make you a bad mom or wife.
21:45
SPEAKER_00: It makes you a human being.
21:47
SPEAKER_00: And human beings are designed for growth, expansion, and becoming more of who they were created to be.
21:53
SPEAKER_00: The guilt that you are feeling about your dreams, that's not your conscience.
21:57
SPEAKER_00: That's conditioning.
21:59
SPEAKER_00: Conditioning that tells women that once they become a wife and a mother, their individual growth should stop.
22:04
SPEAKER_00: But that conditioning is wrong.
22:06
SPEAKER_00: And it's robbing your family of the gift of your full potential.
22:11
SPEAKER_00: At the beginning of this episode, we talked about my dream, me sitting out inside of the real estate office and how excited I was, but how that crushing guilt was suffocating me.
22:23
SPEAKER_00: But here's the thing: I had pushed aside that dream for so long.
22:29
SPEAKER_00: And I gave every part of myself to my family.
22:34
SPEAKER_00: And what came from that was a life that felt unfulfilled.
22:40
SPEAKER_00: It had resentment.
22:41
SPEAKER_00: It had sadness.
22:43
SPEAKER_00: And I was not living as the woman that I desired to be.
22:47
SPEAKER_00: And I certainly was not the mom and the wife that I desired to be, and I knew that I could be.
22:54
SPEAKER_00: What I was doing wasn't working.
22:56
SPEAKER_00: So I made a choice.
22:58
SPEAKER_00: I got the real estate license.
22:59
SPEAKER_00: And you know what came from that?
23:01
SPEAKER_00: Excitement.
23:02
SPEAKER_00: My family was excited to see me pursuing my dreams.
23:07
SPEAKER_00: My family was excited because I was excited.
23:10
SPEAKER_00: I was alive again.
23:12
SPEAKER_00: And I was still giving myself and making sure that the family was great, that the food was great, that the house was taken care of.
23:19
SPEAKER_00: I was doing all the things.
23:20
SPEAKER_00: But instead of feeling resentment, instead of feeling this depression, this sadness, this crushing weight of something missing, I was alive.
23:31
SPEAKER_00: And what I was showing them was so much more valuable than just giving all of myself to the point of exhaustion and depletion and emptiness.
23:46
SPEAKER_00: My daughter pursued her dreams and she got two degrees.
23:51
SPEAKER_00: And my son moved and pursued his passion, and he is getting his degree.
23:59
SPEAKER_00: And my husband is growing in his career, and I am growing, and our relationships have flourished.
24:10
SPEAKER_00: They are so much more depth and full of passion and love.
24:17
SPEAKER_00: Your family doesn't need you to stay small to prove your love.
24:21
SPEAKER_00: They need you to honor your design so that you can model what it looks like to live fully.
24:27
SPEAKER_00: They need to see what happens when someone pursues their purpose alongside their roles, not instead of them.
24:35
SPEAKER_00: When you pursue your more, you're not taking anything away from your family.
24:40
SPEAKER_00: You're bringing more of yourself to them, more energy, more inspiration, more joy, more fulfillment, and that serves everyone.
24:50
SPEAKER_00: This week, I challenge you to do one thing that honors your desire for more.
24:55
SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's researching that dream that you've been putting on hold for five years.
24:59
SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's signing up for that class that you've been too busy to take.
25:04
SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's simply writing down your dreams without apologizing for having them.
25:09
SPEAKER_00: Stop treating your desires like they're in competition with your love of your family and start treating them like they're part of the gift that you bring to your family.
25:19
SPEAKER_00: Your desire for more isn't evidence that being a wife and a mom isn't fulfilling.
25:25
SPEAKER_00: It's evidence that you were designed for expansion, growth, and becoming all of who you were created to be.
25:31
SPEAKER_00: And the world, including your family, needs all of who you are.
25:36
SPEAKER_00: Remember, you don't need to burn down your life.
25:39
SPEAKER_00: You need to include yourself in it.
25:41
SPEAKER_00: Your more isn't your enemy, it's your compass.