Latest / Adult Child of Dysfunction / Ep. 2 A Day in the Life of Tammy Vincent

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Ep. 2 A Day in the Life of Tammy Vincent · Adult Child of Dysfunction

• 0:00
  Tammy Vincent: Hello, hello, hello, my special friends. How are you today? So glad you could join us here for Episode Two. Today is a called A Day in the Life of Tammy Vincent. So what does that really mean? Because I know a lot of people asked, What does it look like to work with you? I mean, what do we do? What do we talk about? Where do we go? Where do we start? And I would love to tell you that there is a specific answer that there is a guide, one to 12 on healing it that there's 10 steps that I could give you. I know you see all over the media, you know, 10 simple steps to this and four simple steps to this, guys, let's be honest, healing is not a simple process. And it's not the same for everyone else.
• 0:38
  Going to give you a little example, I had a lady call me up a couple of weeks ago, and she was getting ready to get on a plane and she was super, super, super anxious about it. And she said every time she flies she has just about close to of what she considered a nervous breakdown. So what she figured what's going to happen was she figured that she was going to come to me and she was going to say, you know, hey, Tammy, let's tap it out. Let's do some EFT, tapping and, and get to the root of this and ease my anxiety of flying. So I'm thinking, yeah, that would be super simple. But really, why are you afraid to fly? I mean, what is the underlying reason that you don't like to fly? She said, she did not know. So we really started to go backwards. We didn't tap it out. We didn't just say, let's get you on the plane, we went all the way back and come to find out she had lost her dad when she was nine years old. Now, if that isn't devastating enough, I don't know what would be. But we talked and talked and talked and I finally said to her, you know, what was the last conversation you had with your father? What was the last thing you talked about? Do you remember? And she said, Oh, yeah, I do. He said to me, Honey, I'll be back in a few days, I'm gonna jump on a plane, do what I got to do. Come back. And I promise I'll be back. I love you. I love you very much. Don't forget that. So bam, that was it. It wasn't about the fact that she was afraid the plane was going to crash or anything else. It was about the fact that the last conversation she had with her father was the fact that he was getting on a plane. Now, did he die in a plane crash? Absolutely not. But her little brain didn't process that what her little brain processed at that age, in her logical stage of thinking was when people get on a plane, they don't come back. So if I get on a plane, I might not come back to the people I love. So that's where we had to start to work. So yes, could I give her a tapping method? And could I do a little session with her and get her happy to get on a plane? Yeah, I could probably do that. But it went much deeper with that.
• 2:45
  And that is what working with me looks like, I am going to meet people where they're at every single day, I'm going to meet you where you're at, because it's going to be different every single day. You know, yes, we're going to work about setting boundaries. And we're obviously wanting to work on becoming our most authentic self and releasing some of the negative thought patterns and, you know, learning to trust and learning about our relationships and self awareness and healing and communication skills. And I could go on and on and on about that. But is that what you want to hear? Is that what you need? Because I remember the first time I walked into a therapist office, and it was like the typical talk therapy that you would picture psychotherapy, you know, sitting on the couch, and I had my hands in my lap. And she asked me about something How was my day? And her first question was one of those questions and I'm not knocking therapists never will because I use them a lot. And I continue to use a therapist, that she said to me, how do you feel about that? And I literally froze, because the only thing I could think was, What do you mean feel like? I don't get it? What do you mean feel like how am I supposed to feel? All of my life I had been taught not to feel so she was insistent she was going to find out how I felt. Are you happy? Are you sad? Are you angry? Are you mad? Are you this? Are you that? And it dawned on me, I don't even know how to feel. When I was a kid when I was too happy. It was shut up. I'll give you you know, just what are you so happy about? Don't be so happy. Shut up. If I was sad, it was like stop crying. I'll give you something to cry about. If I was afraid it was like Don't be such a baby. I mean, all of my reactions to feeling were so distorted and so suppressed that I you know, 26 years old. Didn't feel I mean, I know it sounds crazy.
• 4:41
  But many of you might be there right now you might be thinking yeah, you're right. I don't feel I don't know what to feel. I didn't even think it was okay to feel. So again, that would be meeting me somewhere different. I didn't need to talk about that day, that moment right there. What I needed to do is learn how to To express my emotions, I needed to be able to sit with myself and I needed to be able to feel what was going on, I need to be able to become aware of my body, I needed to do all these different things. So maybe that's what your day looks like maybe every single time we meet together, it's going to be something different. Now, of course, there's some basic things that we're going to do, I need you to be able to trust me, I want you to feel that this is a completely safe place. Because honestly, if you don't feel safe, there is no going forward, there is no moving on, there is no celebrating wins, there is nothing if you don't feel that you are in a safe and vulnerable space where you can trust me to open up to, I mean, we're gonna go through some serious stuff we're going to, we're going to work on things that you never thought you were able to work on. And we're going to get through them together as a team. But can I tell you exactly what it looks like every day? Absolutely not. And I feel like that's what got me where I am today. Because I did I was aware that there isn't an A to Z plan for healing. I was aware that there wasn't just a step 10 STEP program. I mean, yes, there's 12 Step programs, and don't get me wrong, they work pretty effectively. But when you walk into my office, or we get on a zoom call, it's not going to look the same every day. So what we need to do is start with a basic assessment, we need to figure out kind of where you're at, and where you want to be. And then together, we're going to form a plan, we're going to come up with a plan. Now is that plan going to be derailed? Absolutely. Absent positively lately, because that's what happens during healing. Things happen. You come in one day, and you're thinking, okay, you know, my homework was to start setting some boundaries. And so that's what I did. I went home this week, and I started sending boundaries. And I held to them and I was confident and I was secure in them and everything else. But then I got a call from my mother. And it threw me off the entire week, my mother who was a narcissistic, crazy person, in my mind, we had a bad time. It was a holiday, it was a birthday. And it was just an awful, awful, awful week. And it led to things and memories and a fight and it became a physical alteration. And that's what transpired so that week. So when you came in that day, would it be important for me really to talk about boundary setting? Maybe in the context of a little of that, but no, what you needed right then and there was to deal with those emotions and was to get in that moment.
• 7:40
  So I guess that's really what I'm trying to say is there is no A to Z, there's no one to 10 there is no simple plan, like you see it as me out there. There's no simple plan to anything. So it does look different every single day. But I promise you every single day, we're going to move forward, we're going to take one step forward, three steps back, because as long as you're moving forward, you're moving forward, you're making progress. And it's important that we celebrate those progresses together, it's important, important that we spend a little time on the on the failures that we learn to embrace those as growth and as opportunity for growth. Because I'm not in your world every day. I'm in your world when you come to talk to me. So what you need is so much more important than what I think you need. Because I'm going to help you kind of come up with what you think you need that day. But it's not my decision to tell you what you need. We're going to teach you how to learn how to figure out what you need. And then we're going to deal with those things together one thing at a time. So yeah, after a 369 or 12 month session with me working, are you going to have better self esteem? Almost 100% Positive? Yeah. Are you going to be releasing some of that guilt and shame that you built up from living with that narcissistic cystic parent or making bad decisions for the first 20 years of your life? Because you were in survival mode? Absolutely. Are you going to be able to live on a more conscious level instead of reacting and overreacting and, and react, you know, just being in the moment for the trauma or the subconscious mind? Yeah, you're going to start coming above that. And you're going to start living out your conscious mind. And we're going to get in touch with that subconscious. And together, we're going to actually rewire some of those thoughts and think about some of those things. All of this is going to happen, but it's not going to happen. A clean, methodical, step by step process. It's going to happen one day, one moment, one minute at a time as you need things. I'm here to walk the journey with you. I'm here to walk your journey and I'm here to help you get what you need.
• 9:51
  So if any of this resonates, I know I've said a lot to say a little but really what I'm talking you know what I'm saying is that it's it's not a clear cut path. Healing is a journey. journey is a journey and there are shortcuts and there ways to veer around and there are tangents and there's going off in different directions. It's all those different things. But at the end of the day it works. It works. If you stick to it and you you find someone that is on your side which I am definitely on your side, in your corner fighting for you, building you up, not breaking you down, and just basically getting you through and getting you to a better place to a much better place. So if you want, I would invite you go onto my website, it's just my name Tammy mentor.com. Book a coffee chat with me because I would love to talk to you about your visions, your goals, where you want to be, where how you want to get how you think you want to get there, and what the first steps together might be. Thank you very, very much. I am super excited to have you here again and I hope you tune back in Have a great day.