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Why Being Right Could Cost You Your Marriage · Earn Your Leisure

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Let's talk about you know, like I said, you know,
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  Speaker 1: me and Ian we have these conversations that's very controversial
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  Speaker 1: a lot of different times. But they always say, like,
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  Speaker 1: why don't you talk to somebody that's actually married? Right,
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  Speaker 1: So from a relationship started off a relationship standpoint because
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  Speaker 1: people have been wanting to hear your perspective on a
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  Speaker 1: variety of different topics.
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  Speaker 2: That mean Ian talk about.
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  Speaker 1: What is the key to having a successful marriage?
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  Speaker 2: Oh man, I think I think everybody's key's gonna be different.
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  Speaker 2: And that's one of those things. I see people giving
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  Speaker 2: advice all the time, and I'm like, every key doesn't
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  Speaker 2: open the same door. I think for me, the number
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  Speaker 2: one thing is communication is something that I've had to learn,
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  Speaker 2: you know, especially like us, we piscey. So when we
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  Speaker 2: get in a conversation, we debate and we go back
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  Speaker 2: and forth. We always try to figure out who's gonna
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  Speaker 2: win the conversation. And early on in marriage, I realized
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  Speaker 2: that you winning me and somebody's losing. And if you
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  Speaker 2: do that long enough, that person is going to start
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  Speaker 2: to feel a resentment towards even having conversation on having
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  Speaker 2: not logue. And so what I learned about communication is
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  Speaker 2: that there's one way to listen, and there's one way
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  Speaker 2: to actively listen. And so some people say like, oh,
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  Speaker 2: you're listen to me, but you're not hearing me. And
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  Speaker 2: so I've learned to become an active listener and that's
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  Speaker 2: helped me out tremendously. So communication is important. Transparency is
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  Speaker 2: another one. I know. I remember when we got the conversation.
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  Speaker 2: I'm like, y'a, I'm gonna get a joint account, and
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  Speaker 2: you were kind of like yeah, Like yeah, I'm gonna
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  Speaker 2: get a joint account. Obviously I have my own account
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  Speaker 2: and she has an own account, but I wanted to
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  Speaker 2: have something that solidified that we can always afforward to.
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  Speaker 2: It's not who's doing this and who's doing that. It's like, Yo,
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  Speaker 2: we're doing this together. So financial transparency, but emotional transparency. Man.
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  Speaker 2: I think being vulnerable is something that shows maturity and
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  Speaker 2: I've grown into that. You know, it's not something that
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  Speaker 2: we see in our community too much. It's not something
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  Speaker 2: that a lot of men talk about. But I feel
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  Speaker 2: very comfortable or very confident in that. And that's been
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  Speaker 2: something like the easy keys to success. Man. It's it's
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  Speaker 2: I don't say marriages for everyone. It definitely is for me.
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  Speaker 2: And I've watched it right, like I feel like between us,
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  Speaker 2: like our parents, we've watched fifty one hundred plus years
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  Speaker 2: of marriage combined between both of us. So we've seen
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  Speaker 2: the ups and downs of it. We've seen the goods,
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  Speaker 2: and we see what a family unit could look like.
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  Speaker 2: And so I was very concousisdered that. And it takes work,
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  Speaker 2: I think, you know, every day I get to learn
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  Speaker 2: Danielle a little bit more and I take a challenge
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  Speaker 2: to learn even more about her because that's what life
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  Speaker 2: is about. We're gonna grow, we're gonna change, we're gonna evolve.
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  Speaker 2: But I want to be part of that process with her,
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  Speaker 2: and she's been part of that process with me. So yeah, man,
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  Speaker 2: that's some of it. I wonder how you look at it, man,
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  Speaker 2: as you've you've seen this relationship since to begetting Man,
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  Speaker 2: how we've been making this thing look Well, let's peel
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  Speaker 2: back the layers a little bit.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, so let's talk about Okay, So the finance, that's
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  Speaker 1: a that's a big topic. So you do, okay, so
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  Speaker 1: you have all you have all your money in one
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  Speaker 1: bank account.
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  Speaker 2: I have a few bank accounts. So I have a
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  Speaker 2: few bank accounts. Say kind of the method I did
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  Speaker 2: with when I was investing, It was like I got
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  Speaker 2: something for options, I got something for long term, and
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  Speaker 2: I got solved with just for ets and indexes. And
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  Speaker 2: so I got a bank account. But I have business
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  Speaker 2: accounts the side of that. And then we have yeah,
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  Speaker 2: we have a joint account. So okay, you have your
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  Speaker 2: own personal account, and then you have a train account. Right.
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  Speaker 1: Absolutely, she has a bank account, You have a bank account,
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  Speaker 1: and then you have a family account.
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  Speaker 2: Absolutely. How do you decide how what goes into the
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  Speaker 2: family account? Oh, I'll put money in there every month.
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  Speaker 2: So let's just take a raw number, right, And it
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  Speaker 2: may sound crazy, but let's say it's ten thousand dollars
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  Speaker 2: a month. That money goes in there, and it doesn't
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  Speaker 2: matter what happens. That money's going in there. That takes
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  Speaker 2: care of the bills, that takes care of kids needs,
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  Speaker 2: that just goes in there. That's been something I've been
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  Speaker 2: practicing even prior to getting married. Always. You actually told
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  Speaker 2: me that early. It was like, Yo, you gotta have reserves.
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  Speaker 2: And so that method of just having reserves has always
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  Speaker 2: been something that's been deep in my nature since my
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  Speaker 2: early twenties, and so as I got more money, I
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  Speaker 2: just increased the reserves and so that that saves account
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  Speaker 2: is something that just goes. Money goes into there and
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  Speaker 2: we don't have to look at it, like if she
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  Speaker 2: needs to pull from there, she pulls from there. She
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  Speaker 2: needs to pull money from another account, one of our
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  Speaker 2: because we have a business account together as well. If
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  Speaker 2: she needs to pull from there, it actually is not
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  Speaker 2: even an issue. You know. The crazy part is that
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  Speaker 2: she's super conservative when it comes to money. I think
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  Speaker 2: that's something that I take it for granted, but I'm
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  Speaker 2: truly grateful for it. Like she won't pull from the account.
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  Speaker 2: Like There'll been times and she's gonna kill me for
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  Speaker 2: saying this, but she'll be like, yo, I got four
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  Speaker 2: dollars in my account. I'm like, yo, why you got
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  Speaker 2: four dollars in your account? Like there's no need for this,
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  Speaker 2: and she was like, I don't know, like I didn't
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  Speaker 2: want to take money. I'm like, I love that about
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  Speaker 2: her because that she's super conservative. But I asked him, like, yo,
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  Speaker 2: you don't you know, you don't have to do that,
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  Speaker 2: and she's just like, Yo, it's just this mentality that
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  Speaker 2: she's growing up with, like, yo make it. You know
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  Speaker 2: that dollar stretch, right, you got to be conservative with
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  Speaker 2: your money. You gotta be careful with you spending. So
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  Speaker 2: even as we've accumulated more wealth, she still has that mentality.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah. You said also about you can't win an argument
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  Speaker 1: because you That's one thing is when you learn in debates,
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  Speaker 1: like nobody really wins a debate because even if you win,
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  Speaker 1: you embarrass other person.
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  Speaker 2: So that's it though, but you use the word embarrassed.
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  Speaker 2: I didn't even say that. I just said lose. But
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  Speaker 2: the way you do it, And I've learned this about
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  Speaker 2: myself and probably we got this in common, right because
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  Speaker 2: we go back and forth and nobody ever wins. We
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  Speaker 2: just kind of like a conversations over but like in
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  Speaker 2: a partnership, like in a marriage, Like the way I
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  Speaker 2: argue with you, I can't I can't have that type
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  Speaker 2: of tone with a female, Like I can't have that
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  Speaker 2: with my wife. I got to realize, like how I'm
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  Speaker 2: coming across, and I think a lot of times people
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  Speaker 2: don't do that right, Like it's that retrospective like you know, what,
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  Speaker 2: all right, if I win at what court? And why
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  Speaker 2: do I need to win, right, let me just see
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  Speaker 2: the perspective, because maybe I could be wrong. A lot
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  Speaker 2: of times I'm like, yo, I could have done that better, right,
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  Speaker 2: I'm like, you know what, Nah, I'm standing on ground
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  Speaker 2: on this, like I'm firm on this, I believe in this,
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  Speaker 2: but actually hearing it and having like that introspective moment
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  Speaker 2: to say, like, yo, you don't need to win this,
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  Speaker 2: Like listen to this person's perspective because at the end
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  Speaker 2: of the day, I take that jay lit like we're
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  Speaker 2: not supposed to sleep with our backstern right, Like we're
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  Speaker 2: not supposed to do that, Like who wants to go
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  Speaker 2: to sleep with that? Because we're just gonna wake up
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  Speaker 2: with the same issue. So yeah, man, And being transparent
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  Speaker 2: and having that that mature to say, you know what,
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  Speaker 2: let me hear what you got to say, right or wrong,
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  Speaker 2: and let's figure this out.
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  Speaker 1: So you got married before you know all this shit
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  Speaker 1: a high level of kicks us, you know, you know,
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  Speaker 1: wealth and things of that nature. If you were to
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  Speaker 1: get married today, would you do things differently, Like would
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  Speaker 1: you be more paranoid, would you demand the pre numb?
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  Speaker 1: Would you like it's one thing to get married when
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  Speaker 1: at the beginning of your career. Yeah, it's nothing to
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  Speaker 1: get me when you've already worked twenty years and you've
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  Speaker 1: reached a certain level of success and you got a
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  Speaker 1: lot more to lose.
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  Speaker 2: It's tricky, man. I watched my peers and I often wonder, like, yo, Dan, man,
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  Speaker 2: like this ship is crazy out here. Would I do
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  Speaker 2: anything differently with my wife now? I don't think so
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  Speaker 2: because she because she's she's been here before all this, right,
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  Speaker 2: That's what I'm saying. I'm talking about not if I
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  Speaker 2: was if I was today trying to get married with
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  Speaker 2: you asking yes, oh yeah, if it was her, I
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  Speaker 2: don't think I do anything differently, and the circumstances would
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  Speaker 2: the same. Like I had known her right, like we
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  Speaker 2: grew and then we got married during the early le success.
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  Speaker 2: I don't think I do any if I meet her
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  Speaker 2: during the early leaders success. Man, that's a good question.
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  Speaker 2: I probably still wouldn't bro just the character of the person,
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  Speaker 2: because I would have met her at a different state
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  Speaker 2: life and she would have matured and had life experiences.
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  Speaker 2: I don't know if I do anything different specifically if
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  Speaker 2: it's her, if it's somebody else, Yeah, man, things are
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  Speaker 2: gonna look different. I'm watching some of these stories and
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  Speaker 2: I'm watching some of these relationships that a lot of
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  Speaker 2: my peers have, and I'm just like, Yo, this shit
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  Speaker 2: is crazy, right, Like even encounter having encounters with with
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  Speaker 2: with females, It's like, Yo, there's a lot going on,
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  Speaker 2: but where's the substance? You know what I'm saying, Like
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  Speaker 2: I always say that to you, like it. It's tough
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  Speaker 2: for me to have conversations a lot of times because
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  Speaker 2: number one, I don't want anything from anyone, right, And
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  Speaker 2: I think a lot of times I can miss you
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  Speaker 2: can get missed with screw like if you talk to
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  Speaker 2: the opposite sex, Oh he wants something from you. Oh
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  Speaker 2: you know I need to get something from him, And
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  Speaker 2: I'm like no, I'm just trying to pass time. And
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  Speaker 2: if you can, you know, stimulate my mind with the
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  Speaker 2: educational conversation, that'd be great. But other than that, I'm good.
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  Speaker 2: And I've seen it over and over. It's like ten
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  Speaker 2: minutes into like a casual conversation that's like, ah, this
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  Speaker 2: is gonna go left. In fact, this is not even
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  Speaker 2: worth entertaining any further. So it's tough out here. Man.
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  Speaker 2: I feel for my brothers I feel and for females too.
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  Speaker 2: I feel for females it's not easy to date. It's
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  Speaker 2: not easy to find someone that's your companion. It's not
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  Speaker 2: easy to find a life partner. It takes work, and
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  Speaker 2: the work is getting harder, man, because we grew up
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  Speaker 2: in a generation where, like a lot of the girls,
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  Speaker 2: you know, we grew up around, watch their mothers, especially.
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  Speaker 2: You know, my wife is Jamaican, so you watch that culture.
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  Speaker 2: You watch how your mother treats your dad, You watch
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  Speaker 2: how they take care of their dad or they take
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  Speaker 2: care of their family. It's a different environment and that
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  Speaker 2: just gets you know, matured, and that just grows into
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  Speaker 2: how they're gonna treat you know, their future mate. So
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  Speaker 2: I'm pretty lucky, man, I'll be honest, I'm really lucky.
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  Speaker 1: How important is it for a significant other not to
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  Speaker 1: be overly bearing in question somebody that they with, if
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  Speaker 1: they with somebody else that's in business.
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  Speaker 2: It's important. I think it comes with trust though, I think,
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  Speaker 2: and that's something that's developed over I think, you know,
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  Speaker 2: having that that level of security and what you know
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  Speaker 2: your significant other is doing is vitally important. I always say,
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  Speaker 2: like this, this doesn't happen without you know, the trust
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  Speaker 2: of my partner. You know. I imagine if she said, Yo,
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  Speaker 2: you know, I don't feel comfortable with your recording in
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  Speaker 2: the dining room, Like you know what I mean, Like
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  Speaker 2: what do we do? And the fact that she's involved
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  Speaker 2: in it, it makes it a lot easier because she
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  Speaker 2: understands the tugs and the pulls and it gives and
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  Speaker 2: takes that have to go on inside of the business.
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  Speaker 2: And so you know, I would encourage everybody to support
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  Speaker 2: I know it was a lot of times like Yo,
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: he tried this thing and it didn't work, or he's
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: trying something again and it's not working. Yo, Hey, you
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: gotta stay with him. You gotta figure that, like if
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: you riding with him, you gotta stay with him because
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: you got to believe in his in his vision wholeheartedly.
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  Speaker 2: And I'm living a living proof of that right Like
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  Speaker 2: we've tried a couple of businesses, right like it didn't work,
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  Speaker 2: and she never looked at say, yo, Troy stopped trying.
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: She was like, yeah, I support it, even to the point.
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  Speaker 2: I'll tell the story about when I invested and I
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: was like, yobaye, I'm going for it. She's the first
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  Speaker 2: person I told we were staying in La in July
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: twenty twenty. I forget it was me and you sat
• 11:11
  Speaker 2: down at the table. It was like six thirty in
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  Speaker 2: the morning. I told her right before I came downstairs
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  Speaker 2: that I'm going for it. She was like what. I'm like,
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  Speaker 2: I'm putting one hundred thousand in the market to her,
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  Speaker 2: and she looked at me like okay, Like no questions asked,
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  Speaker 2: not like Yo, that's a lot of money. Yo. You
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: sure you want to do that? It was like okay.
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: And after I had made the move, I was like, yo,
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  Speaker 2: why you ain't have no feedback? She was like, yo,
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  Speaker 2: I watch how you work. I trust what you're going
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  Speaker 2: to do, Like I know if you're doing it, it's
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: going to happen. Every time you say you're going to
• 11:41
  Speaker 2: reach your goal, you reach it. And so that level
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: of trust, that level of support, it builds confidence right
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  Speaker 2: Like it feels like, yo, I don't care what anybody says.
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  Speaker 2: She believes in it and like her life is going
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  Speaker 2: to be impacted by it the most. Let's go, Let's
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  Speaker 2: rock